The Rules
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And you did nothing about it bc of some "rules". You missed out.
It could never happen since he is way way way out of my league...but I dream!! He is probably one of my favorite parts of going to the gym just to look at him, plus he always seems nice from what I see.i think how that translates in modern times is you don't have to go up to him and talk to him, but you can look at him, make eye contact, do a coy smile, look away shyly and then look back again.
That is actually kind of smart. You're not making a move but you're saying it's okay to. I like that.
No such thing as out of your league. One could say I'm dating "out of my league"... But I saw what I wanted and I got it. Just do it.0 -
And you did nothing about it bc of some "rules". You missed out.
It could never happen since he is way way way out of my league...but I dream!! He is probably one of my favorite parts of going to the gym just to look at him, plus he always seems nice from what I see.i think how that translates in modern times is you don't have to go up to him and talk to him, but you can look at him, make eye contact, do a coy smile, look away shyly and then look back again.
That is actually kind of smart. You're not making a move but you're saying it's okay to. I like that.
No such thing as out of your league. One could say I'm dating "out of my league"... But I saw what I wanted and I got it. Just do it.
I wish I was brave in that kind of sense. Your bravery probably helped in in your situation, but I am sure she is not out of your league!!! I could never approach a guy though, so I will have to settle for looking at him! 0 -
I know how you feel, there is a girl at my gym whom I have a super mega crush on. I usually have a little bit of confidence and I don't find it too hard to approach people, but when I see her part of me just wants to run the other way. I'll probably never approach her, I assume she's out of my league even though I know better than that.I wish I was brave in that kind of sense. Your bravery probably helped in in your situation, but I am sure she is not out of your league!!! I could never approach a guy though, so I will have to settle for looking at him!0 -
And you did nothing about it bc of some "rules". You missed out.
It could never happen since he is way way way out of my league...but I dream!! He is probably one of my favorite parts of going to the gym just to look at him, plus he always seems nice from what I see.i think how that translates in modern times is you don't have to go up to him and talk to him, but you can look at him, make eye contact, do a coy smile, look away shyly and then look back again.
That is actually kind of smart. You're not making a move but you're saying it's okay to. I like that.
No such thing as out of your league. One could say I'm dating "out of my league"... But I saw what I wanted and I got it. Just do it.
I wish I was brave in that kind of sense. Your bravery probably helped in in your situation, but I am sure she is not out of your league!!! I could never approach a guy though, so I will have to settle for looking at him!
You may change your mind as you get older. When I was your age, I would never have approached a guy either. Today, I would. I don't like to ask men on dates (although I did so recently), but approaching is a different thing. It can be as subtle as smiling from across the room or as obvious as walking over and saying "I just wanted to tell you what a handsome man you are." I get a kick out of paying guys compliments. You can totally tell it makes their day.0 -
I know how you feel, there is a girl at my gym whom I have a super mega crush on. I usually have a little bit of confidence and I don't find it too hard to approach people, but when I see her part of me just wants to run the other way. I'll probably never approach her, I assume she's out of my league even though I know better than that.I wish I was brave in that kind of sense. Your bravery probably helped in in your situation, but I am sure she is not out of your league!!! I could never approach a guy though, so I will have to settle for looking at him!
To quote a movie,
Everyone can sweep someone off their feet, you just need the right broom.0 -
Remember, it's better to try and fail than to fail at trying.0
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- Don't approach him first
Perfect rule for women with self-esteem issues! I mean why should you risk rejection? BTW putting a profile on a dating site kinda is a first approach don't you think. Let your father arrange something for you. Much more lady like.
- Don't reveal too much info at first
Yes, make him carry the conversation. What you do and who you are shouldn't matter to him.
- No more than "casual kissing" on the first date
Passion and chemistry are so over-rated.
- No sex until date 3 at least
Surely he'll be willing to marry you after two well regulated dates.
- You are not auditioning for a date, you are going to relax and have a good time
If he will accept you at your dullest, you're going to wow him on your wedding night!
- Don't accept spontaneous invites (they say you should have a three days in advance rule) because it shows you have nothing going on
Who wants a spontaneous man?
- Pace your relationship. They say men fall in love quick, but fall quickly out. Don't see him more than once a week for the first month. Twice a week for the second month then three times a week for the rest of the relationship.
Of course you make it harder for him to dump you. I mean who walks away after they've dated for a year? Even when you've only been on four dates.
- Be unique
Since all the other women are following the rules you should find unique excuses for your behavior.
- Go to social events even if you don't feel like it, because you may not necessarily meet people in natural situations
Ok, so three dates in a year!
- Don't waste time on fantasy relationships. Quoting the authors: "You may have a good rapport with your doctor, lawyer or accountant, and you may find yourself wondering if he is interested in you romantically. How can you know for sure? If he's never asked you out, then He's Just Not That Into You!"
Again, why risk it?- Don't live with a man or leave stuff at his place
You'll be fine learning about his personal hygiene, porn watching, and family after the wedding.
- Let men approach you first. Quoting the authors: "If you make the first move you’ll never know if he would have approached you and you’ll be insecure for the rest of your life – even if he marries you."
Confidence will drive off all of those self conscious men. It is much more fun to just watch people from afar and wonder. Rather than be happily married and wonder.
- If he doesn't call, he's not interested.
True. If he really cared, he'd break FAA regulations and pull his cellphone out and call.
- Rules women do not date for more than two years. Unless you're younger and in school.
It is the ring you're after. Who cares about happiness? And if you keep that 'dating' edge, how are you going to let yourself go?- Don't call, email or text him first.
Communication is also over rated.
- Put effort into your appearance
So never do anything active, exciting or fun that might get you sweaty, dirty or muss up your hair.
What do you all think? Valid or dumb?
Rules are for games. :bigsmile:0 -
And you did nothing about it bc of some "rules". You missed out.
It could never happen since he is way way way out of my league...but I dream!! He is probably one of my favorite parts of going to the gym just to look at him, plus he always seems nice from what I see.i think how that translates in modern times is you don't have to go up to him and talk to him, but you can look at him, make eye contact, do a coy smile, look away shyly and then look back again.
That is actually kind of smart. You're not making a move but you're saying it's okay to. I like that.
No such thing as out of your league. One could say I'm dating "out of my league"... But I saw what I wanted and I got it. Just do it.
I wish I was brave in that kind of sense. Your bravery probably helped in in your situation, but I am sure she is not out of your league!!! I could never approach a guy though, so I will have to settle for looking at him!
You may change your mind as you get older. When I was your age, I would never have approached a guy either. Today, I would. I don't like to ask men on dates (although I did so recently), but approaching is a different thing. It can be as subtle as smiling from across the room or as obvious as walking over and saying "I just wanted to tell you what a handsome man you are." I get a kick out of paying guys compliments. You can totally tell it makes their day.
I'm sure your guy enjoyed getting a compliment from someone like yourself.0 -
And you did nothing about it bc of some "rules". You missed out.
It could never happen since he is way way way out of my league...but I dream!! He is probably one of my favorite parts of going to the gym just to look at him, plus he always seems nice from what I see.i think how that translates in modern times is you don't have to go up to him and talk to him, but you can look at him, make eye contact, do a coy smile, look away shyly and then look back again.
That is actually kind of smart. You're not making a move but you're saying it's okay to. I like that.
No such thing as out of your league. One could say I'm dating "out of my league"... But I saw what I wanted and I got it. Just do it.
I wish I was brave in that kind of sense. Your bravery probably helped in in your situation, but I am sure she is not out of your league!!! I could never approach a guy though, so I will have to settle for looking at him!
I expect you will ignore this but given the entire body of things you have posted I really think you should consider some real life counseling regarding self esteem,relationships,etc...where you are at is just not healthy and the perfect prince charming you seem to have created in your mind as the one to take you away from your many insecurities just does not exist.
Honestly mean this to be helpful even though a bit blunt but so believe you should at least consider it. :flowerforyou:0 -
The moment you start playing the same game with different women, is the day you lose out on a wonderful girl to someone else who isn't playing a "game". By not playing a game, he took the girl you wanted.
If you're interested, make something happen. Or wait and lose.
Well put, the exact reason I'm in single peeps.... Fail for me!0 -
The moment you start playing the same game with different women, is the day you lose out on a wonderful girl to someone else who isn't playing a "game". By not playing a game, he took the girl you wanted.
If you're interested, make something happen. Or wait and lose.
Yuppers.. I completely agree.0 -
Christine doesn't need counseling. She just needs experience. And the right man. A lot of people are shy and go through the "I could never approach anyone" stage. But when the time and the man are right, it will shock her to see what she is capable of doing.0
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Christine doesn't need counseling. She just needs experience. And the right man. A lot of people are shy and go through the "I could never approach anyone" stage. But when the time and the man are right, it will shock her to see what she is capable of doing.
But then why is that not acceptable for a man to be shy?
Why is it only one way or all gender stereotypes in play,some are not flattering to women either.
Listen,I am not being mean or heartless but a few weeks ago she started a thread where a guy on the third date kissed her on the cheek and she freaked out and literally ran away...I am sorry but that is not a normal action and if we are going to engage in honest discussions those things need to be said.
Pretending otherwise is not helpful to anyone.0 -
Christine doesn't need counseling. She just needs experience. And the right man. A lot of people are shy and go through the "I could never approach anyone" stage. But when the time and the man are right, it will shock her to see what she is capable of doing.
Yeah I think this is more my situation.
I'm not really as shy as a lot of you might believe or from what I write. With people I know, I'm a huge goofball. Once I'm introduced to someone, I'm so nice and want to get to know them. I'm preparing for my registered nurse exam, so clearly nurses have to be outgoing and friendly, which I am. I work in customer service right now and I love talking to all the different people. I just think when it's my personal emotions on the line, it's scary. It's scary to put your heart on the line and know it could be broke - I'm sure I'm not the only one that thinks that. I'm sure that as you date more, it gets easier but for someone inexperienced like me, it's scary.
I don't think I need counseling. Just because I have expectations about how a man acts in a relationship doesn't mean anything except that I know what I want in a man. And just because I get upset when I put myself out there and get burned means something is wrong with me? I don't think so.Listen,I am not being mean or heartless but a few weeks ago she started a thread where a guy on the third date kissed her on the cheek and she freaked out and literally ran away...I am sorry but that is not a normal action and if we are going to engage in honest discussions those things need to be said.
Pretending otherwise is not helpful to anyone.
Now that I look back, I am pretty sure that I freaked out because I didn't like him like that and it was uncomfortable. If it was someone I liked, I'm sure it would have been different.0 -
Christine doesn't need counseling. She just needs experience. And the right man. A lot of people are shy and go through the "I could never approach anyone" stage. But when the time and the man are right, it will shock her to see what she is capable of doing.
Yeah I think this is more my situation.
I'm not really as shy as a lot of you might believe or from what I write. With people I know, I'm a huge goofball. Once I'm introduced to someone, I'm so nice and want to get to know them. I'm preparing for my registered nurse exam, so clearly nurses have to be outgoing and friendly, which I am. I work in customer service right now and I love talking to all the different people. I just think when it's my personal emotions on the line, it's scary. I don't think I need counseling. Just because I have expectations about how a man acts in a relationship doesn't mean anything except that I know what I want in a man. Is that so bad?Listen,I am not being mean or heartless but a few weeks ago she started a thread where a guy on the third date kissed her on the cheek and she freaked out and literally ran away...I am sorry but that is not a normal action and if we are going to engage in honest discussions those things need to be said.
Pretending otherwise is not helpful to anyone.
Now that I look back, I am pretty sure that I freaked out because I didn't like him like that and it was uncomfortable. If it was someone I liked, I'm sure it would have been different.
It is not bad until it becomes an excuse to run away from things and then lament on what isn`t happening for you.
Your expectations were met,you were on a third date (if you didn`t like him then why were you on a third date?) and he did a normal and gentlemanly thing...a kiss on the cheek.
I am not going to sugar coat it Christine,you do appear to have some significant issues,what you choose to do about it is your business.
I am incredibly supportive of ladies,often to my disadvantage in life in getting used but am not going to be coddling either anymore.0 -
I just think when it's my personal emotions on the line, it's scary. It's scary to put your heart on the line and know it could be broke - I'm sure I'm not the only one that thinks that. I'm sure that as you date more, it gets easier but for someone inexperienced like me, it's scary.
It is for guys too,but it seems to be expected with little thought regarding the outcome for him.And just because I get upset when I put myself out there and get burned means something is wrong with me? I don't think so.
Yet once more...almost all women here tell him to suck it up and deal with it or he is not manly enough.0 -
It is not bad until it becomes an excuse to run away from things and then lament on what isn`t happening for you.
Your expectations were met,you were on a third date (if you didn`t like him then why were you on a third date?) and he did a normal and gentlemanly thing...a kiss on the cheek.
I am not going to sugar coat it Christine,you do appear to have some significant issues,what you choose to do about it is your business.
I am incredibly supportive of ladies,often to my disadvantage in life in getting used but am not going to be coddling either anymore.
It was complicated to say no because we were friends before he asked me out...it's kind of a long story.
And thank you for your concern. I don't think I'm exactly sure that i have "significant issues." I'm a little shy around men and I know that, but I don't think that it is anything too concerning. Like it has been mentioned before, for thousands of years men took the lead and it's only starting to change. I'm not going to go be the pioneer lol.0 -
Christine doesn't need counseling. She just needs experience. And the right man. A lot of people are shy and go through the "I could never approach anyone" stage. But when the time and the man are right, it will shock her to see what she is capable of doing.
Yeah I think this is more my situation.
I'm not really as shy as a lot of you might believe or from what I write. With people I know, I'm a huge goofball. Once I'm introduced to someone, I'm so nice and want to get to know them. I'm preparing for my registered nurse exam, so clearly nurses have to be outgoing and friendly, which I am. I work in customer service right now and I love talking to all the different people. I just think when it's my personal emotions on the line, it's scary. It's scary to put your heart on the line and know it could be broke - I'm sure I'm not the only one that thinks that. I'm sure that as you date more, it gets easier but for someone inexperienced like me, it's scary.
I don't think I need counseling. Just because I have expectations about how a man acts in a relationship doesn't mean anything except that I know what I want in a man. And just because I get upset when I put myself out there and get burned means something is wrong with me? I don't think so.Listen,I am not being mean or heartless but a few weeks ago she started a thread where a guy on the third date kissed her on the cheek and she freaked out and literally ran away...I am sorry but that is not a normal action and if we are going to engage in honest discussions those things need to be said.
Pretending otherwise is not helpful to anyone.
Now that I look back, I am pretty sure that I freaked out because I didn't like him like that and it was uncomfortable. If it was someone I liked, I'm sure it would have been different.
It is scary, but you need to put yourself out on the line sometimes. You need to let go of the feeling it's going to devastate you to be hurt. It will, for a few days. But you brush yourself off and move on. You'll be happy again.0 -
It is not bad until it becomes an excuse to run away from things and then lament on what isn`t happening for you.
Your expectations were met,you were on a third date (if you didn`t like him then why were you on a third date?) and he did a normal and gentlemanly thing...a kiss on the cheek.
I am not going to sugar coat it Christine,you do appear to have some significant issues,what you choose to do about it is your business.
I am incredibly supportive of ladies,often to my disadvantage in life in getting used but am not going to be coddling either anymore.
It was complicated to say no because we were friends before he asked me out...it's kind of a long story.
And thank you for your concern. I don't think I'm exactly sure that i have "significant issues." I'm a little shy around men and I know that, but I don't think that it is anything too concerning. Like it has been mentioned before, for thousands of years men took the lead and it's only starting to change. I'm not going to go be the pioneer lol.
Continue on as you see fit,it is your life and choices but understand the consequences of your mindset and be happy to accept that.
I am in no way saying you have to put out or sleep with a guy instantly,that is not the issue,if your real life actions are a reflection of what you post here you are pushing guys away from you from the word go.
Just take my word on that,it is likely true and hope you can maybe reflect on it. :flowerforyou:0 -
Christine doesn't need counseling. She just needs experience. And the right man. A lot of people are shy and go through the "I could never approach anyone" stage. But when the time and the man are right, it will shock her to see what she is capable of doing.
Yeah I think this is more my situation.
I'm not really as shy as a lot of you might believe or from what I write. With people I know, I'm a huge goofball. Once I'm introduced to someone, I'm so nice and want to get to know them. I'm preparing for my registered nurse exam, so clearly nurses have to be outgoing and friendly, which I am. I work in customer service right now and I love talking to all the different people. I just think when it's my personal emotions on the line, it's scary. It's scary to put your heart on the line and know it could be broke - I'm sure I'm not the only one that thinks that. I'm sure that as you date more, it gets easier but for someone inexperienced like me, it's scary.
I don't think I need counseling. Just because I have expectations about how a man acts in a relationship doesn't mean anything except that I know what I want in a man. And just because I get upset when I put myself out there and get burned means something is wrong with me? I don't think so.Listen,I am not being mean or heartless but a few weeks ago she started a thread where a guy on the third date kissed her on the cheek and she freaked out and literally ran away...I am sorry but that is not a normal action and if we are going to engage in honest discussions those things need to be said.
Pretending otherwise is not helpful to anyone.
Now that I look back, I am pretty sure that I freaked out because I didn't like him like that and it was uncomfortable. If it was someone I liked, I'm sure it would have been different.
It is scary, but you need to put yourself out on the line sometimes. You need to let go of the feeling it's going to devastate you to be hurt. It will, for a few days. But you brush yourself off and move on. You'll be happy again.
exactly.. being vulnerable is essential in any successful relationship. if you're afraid of getting hurt then why bother?0
