About independence, relationships and dating.
Replies
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Yeah I started my small separations yesterday, making it easier to fade out before the DTR happens. Someone said yesterday or the day before that meeting the right person for you is also meeting the person with the potential to destroy you. This caught my attention much harder than the possibility of love and tingles and that told me where I stand.
Im not ready for LTRs either.
edited for typos0 -
Yeah I started my small separations yesterday, making it easier to fade out before the DTR happens. Someone said yesterday or the day before that meetin ght eright person for you is also meeting the person with the potential to destroy you. THis caught my attention much harder than the possibility of love and tingles and that told me where I stand.
Im not ready for LTRs either.
See, but if they're the *right* person.. they're not going to want to destroy you. That's how I see it. Yes they have the capacity to hurt you deep because of the love you feel for them but maybe I'm just a romantic.
My ex destroyed me for a while. But I got back up. And I realize today, he was NOT the right person for me. He never was. I praise Jesus everyday for not having children with that man!!!! Halleluyah! Seriously...0 -
Yeah I started my small separations yesterday, making it easier to fade out before the DTR happens. Someone said yesterday or the day before that meetin ght eright person for you is also meeting the person with the potential to destroy you. THis caught my attention much harder than the possibility of love and tingles and that told me where I stand.
Im not ready for LTRs either.
See, but if they're the *right* person.. they're not going to want to destroy you. That's how I see it. Yes they have the capacity to hurt you deep because of the love you feel for them but maybe I'm just a romantic.
My ex destroyed me for a while. But I got back up. And I realize today, he was NOT the right person for me. He never was. I praise Jesus everyday for not having children with that man!!!! Halleluyah! Seriously...
YIKES!!! Alright this is quite simple because I just lifted and I'm all zenned out. You can only be destroyed if you let yourself be destroyed. That simple. I wouldn't close yourself off to opportunities in fear of being destroyed. Enjoy yourself and the company you're with, push the fear aside, keep working on you in and out, and if you get knocked down, you will be okay because you're an MFP badass so no worries!!! xoxo0 -
I must not be romantic enough.
I put much more emphasis on whether or not two people trust each other enough, are willing to take a leap of faith together, and neither make unrealistic promises to each other (like forever) or encourage each other to invest emotionally when one or the other knows its not best or possible or that those feelings will have to be terminated at some point (someone's moving/ there's an ex they'd rather get back, etc)
I think I would love to fall in love but if im in a situation where I know that letting love happen will surely kill me... i cant do it. I dont trust him to stop me before its too strong.
Ive learned that being loved by me is an addicting and warm comforting place no one wants to leave, so they suck it up as long as possible and then throw away the dry yoovie husk and move on, filled with self-confidence and happiness and a new zeal for life.
and im there... dead. Because I thought they loved me back, but they were simply feeding their starved spirits.
sounds like im tooting my own horn, but theres a reason I never dated again, and why now I feel the need to run like hell because as soon as I think someone is an amazing positive beautiful force in my life... i know what the potential is that they will get the most and the best out of me and then kiss me on the cheek and walk away forever again.0 -
Yeah I started my small separations yesterday, making it easier to fade out before the DTR happens. Someone said yesterday or the day before that meetin ght eright person for you is also meeting the person with the potential to destroy you. THis caught my attention much harder than the possibility of love and tingles and that told me where I stand.
Im not ready for LTRs either.
See, but if they're the *right* person.. they're not going to want to destroy you. That's how I see it. Yes they have the capacity to hurt you deep because of the love you feel for them but maybe I'm just a romantic.
My ex destroyed me for a while. But I got back up. And I realize today, he was NOT the right person for me. He never was. I praise Jesus everyday for not having children with that man!!!! Halleluyah! Seriously...
YIKES!!! Alright this is quite simple because I just lifted and I'm all zenned out. You can only be destroyed if you let yourself be destroyed. That simple. I wouldn't close yourself off to opportunities in fear of being destroyed. Enjoy yourself and the company you're with, push the fear aside, keep working on you in and out, and if you get knocked down, you will be okay because you're an MFP badass so no worries!!! xoxo
no one destroys me and im such a badass cause I quit letting anyone in at the turn of the century
Ive had a recent lapse because I was weak and I was a silly enough girl to try again, but its a setup for some serious pain and I would rather stay undestroyed and happy and whole like I am right now.0 -
I must not be romantic enough.
I put much more emphasis on whether or not two people trust each other enough, are willing to take a leap of faith together, and neither make unrealistic promises to each other (like forever) or encourage each other to invest emotionally when one or the other knows its not best or possible or that those feelings will have to be terminated at some point (someone's moving/ there's an ex they'd rather get back, etc)
I think I would love to fall in love but if im in a situation where I know that letting love happen will surely kill me... i cant do it. I dont trust him to stop me before its too strong.
Ive learned that being loved by me is an addicting and warm comforting place no one wants to leave, so they suck it up as long as possible and then throw away the dry yoovie husk and move on, filled with self-confidence and happiness and a new zeal for life.
and im there... dead. Because I thought they loved me back, but they were simply feeding their starved spirits.
sounds like im tooting my own horn, but theres a reason I never dated again, and why now I feel the need to run like hell because as soon as I think someone is an amazing positive beautiful force in my life... i know what the potential is that they will get the most and the best out of me and then kiss me on the cheek and walk away forever again.
Don't know you to well, but I think you need to get out of your own head and live in the moment... if hurt is in your future deal with it then, not now!!0 -
I must not be romantic enough.
I put much more emphasis on whether or not two people trust each other enough, are willing to take a leap of faith together, and neither make unrealistic promises to each other (like forever) or encourage each other to invest emotionally when one or the other knows its not best or possible or that those feelings will have to be terminated at some point (someone's moving/ there's an ex they'd rather get back, etc)
I think I would love to fall in love but if im in a situation where I know that letting love happen will surely kill me... i cant do it. I dont trust him to stop me before its too strong.
Ive learned that being loved by me is an addicting and warm comforting place no one wants to leave, so they suck it up as long as possible and then throw away the dry yoovie husk and move on, filled with self-confidence and happiness and a new zeal for life.
and im there... dead. Because I thought they loved me back, but they were simply feeding their starved spirits.
sounds like im tooting my own horn, but theres a reason I never dated again, and why now I feel the need to run like hell because as soon as I think someone is an amazing positive beautiful force in my life... i know what the potential is that they will get the most and the best out of me and then kiss me on the cheek and walk away forever again.
You should write a song about this. Seriously. Very deep and insightful.
I honestly think my love is scary too. I think I can love with my whole being and beyond. I will be honest and say I have never given myself completely to someone because of fear but I will one day. It's on my bucket list. It is.0 -
no one destroys me and im such a badass cause I quit letting anyone in at the turn of the century
Ive had a recent lapse because I was weak and I was a silly enough girl to try again, but its a setup for some serious pain and I would rather stay undestroyed and happy and whole like I am right now.
There is merit in that line of thinking.0 -
I must not be romantic enough.
I put much more emphasis on whether or not two people trust each other enough, are willing to take a leap of faith together, and neither make unrealistic promises to each other (like forever) or encourage each other to invest emotionally when one or the other knows its not best or possible or that those feelings will have to be terminated at some point (someone's moving/ there's an ex they'd rather get back, etc)
I think I would love to fall in love but if im in a situation where I know that letting love happen will surely kill me... i cant do it. I dont trust him to stop me before its too strong.
Ive learned that being loved by me is an addicting and warm comforting place no one wants to leave, so they suck it up as long as possible and then throw away the dry yoovie husk and move on, filled with self-confidence and happiness and a new zeal for life.
and im there... dead. Because I thought they loved me back, but they were simply feeding their starved spirits.
sounds like im tooting my own horn, but theres a reason I never dated again, and why now I feel the need to run like hell because as soon as I think someone is an amazing positive beautiful force in my life... i know what the potential is that they will get the most and the best out of me and then kiss me on the cheek and walk away forever again.
This sounds very stressful. You don't sound like you're tooting your own horn, you just sound like a giver who's tired of giving and feeling unappreciated by giving and not getting in return so you're in shut down mode. Still an MFP badass so again, no worries! Yoga? Love me some yoga. Zen it out sister.0 -
my head is my heart's only defense.
I live a very full life with my friends and my projects and my ambition.
So Ive never had familial/parental love as an adult, or romantic love since I was a youngster. Ive evolved to where I dont miss it cause Ive never had it.
I get the sharp pains sometimes, looking at someone who looks back at me as though im amazing or beautiful and I want so badly to let them in and believe them, and they tell me they love me and then I start to... and I feel myself starting to fall... and they are like- baby i will catch you! and I look at them and suddenly see that they wont. They're just caught up in the moment of all of it and I dont really mean anything more to them than the girl they happen to see at the moment, and I dont fall.
I sew up the little hole in my heart, takes some Aleve and Jameson for the sharp 'angry at me' little heart pains and to shut up the part of me that wanted to fall... and I go tackle an impossible personal goal instead.0 -
sorry I totally just unloaded on you guys and I dont even know you0
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sorry I totally just unloaded on you guys and I dont even know you
I think that is the good thing about a group like this... you get to unload on people you don't know and they throw honest opinions back at you because they don't know you either.... And the best part the people you do know in real life don't think your crazy cause you don't unload on them
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my head is my heart's only defense.
I live a very full life with my friends and my projects and my ambition.
So Ive never had familial/parental love as an adult, or romantic love since I was a youngster. Ive evolved to where I dont miss it cause Ive never had it.
I get the sharp pains sometimes, looking at someone who looks back at me as though im amazing or beautiful and I want so badly to let them in and believe them, and they tell me they love me and then I start to... and I feel myself starting to fall... and they are like- baby i will catch you! and I look at them and suddenly see that they wont. They're just caught up in the moment of all of it and I dont really mean anything more to them than the girl they happen to see at the moment, and I dont fall.
I sew up the little hole in my heart, takes some Aleve and Jameson for the sharp 'angry at me' little heart pains and to shut up the part of me that wanted to fall... and I go tackle an impossible personal goal instead.
Most people are indeed full of crap so it's great you enjoy yourself, projects, fam and friends. Should someone come along and complement what you've already created in your life then bottoms up on the Jameson! It isn't easy, but I try not to live in fear of getting hurt by another because I now know how strong it makes me to stand up and brush that hurt away after it happens. Worst case if you fall and they don't catch you, you just stand up and walk on. i don't want anyone trying to catch my stubborn *kitten* anyways. It just takes practice and a couple of falls...they sometimes make funny stories...0 -
maybe its different when you also deal with not having a family and those issues and sht0
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maybe its different when you also deal with not having a family and those issues and sht
Sometimes **** is just meh...I'm learning to squat the meh out. It's working!0 -
maybe its different when you also deal with not having a family and those issues and sht
Sometimes **** is just meh...I'm learning to squat the meh out. It's working!
I should have wrote "benchpress the meh out" because squat the meh out was definitely not sexy. Too late.0 -
my head is my heart's only defense.
I live a very full life with my friends and my projects and my ambition.
So Ive never had familial/parental love as an adult, or romantic love since I was a youngster. Ive evolved to where I dont miss it cause Ive never had it.
I get the sharp pains sometimes, looking at someone who looks back at me as though im amazing or beautiful and I want so badly to let them in and believe them, and they tell me they love me and then I start to... and I feel myself starting to fall... and they are like- baby i will catch you! and I look at them and suddenly see that they wont. They're just caught up in the moment of all of it and I dont really mean anything more to them than the girl they happen to see at the moment, and I dont fall.
I sew up the little hole in my heart, takes some Aleve and Jameson for the sharp 'angry at me' little heart pains and to shut up the part of me that wanted to fall... and I go tackle an impossible personal goal instead.
If you've never had it, you don't know if you're missing it or not.0 -
I'm 27 and have been alone for my whole life in this department. Yeah, sure, I dated few guys, but nothing happened. It was always me who ended it all, before anything happened. Why? Because I don't want to lose my independence.
I keep walking my own paths, and it's hard for anyone to fit into those same paths. Yeah, I'm selfish for not wanting to give up the time that I spend with horses. Or alone. I need my alone time, even from friends. Social hermit maybe?
I have never seen myself as the marrying kind. Never imagined myself in white gown or having kids. Just not my cup of tea.
But one thing I have realized is that I'm actually happy now. I'm happy with all the small things I have. It's always a risk when adding new ingredients to the mix... Okay, getting off topic here, sorry :laugh:0 -
I'm 27 and have been alone for my whole life in this department. Yeah, sure, I dated few guys, but nothing happened. It was always me who ended it all, before anything happened. Why? Because I don't want to lose my independence.
I keep walking my own paths, and it's hard for anyone to fit into those same paths. Yeah, I'm selfish for not wanting to give up the time that I spend with horses. Or alone. I need my alone time, even from friends. Social hermit maybe?
I have never seen myself as the marrying kind. Never imagined myself in white gown or having kids. Just not my cup of tea.
But one thing I have realized is that I'm actually happy now. I'm happy with all the small things I have. It's always a risk when adding new ingredients to the mix... Okay, getting off topic here, sorry :laugh:
I've tried to be friends with horses three times and three times they let my *kitten* fall after dragging me through trees. I'm so done with horses...I'd rather keep dating a** holes. :drinker:0 -
^haha, I've had way better luck with horses that with guys :laugh:
I actually forgot to add that problem with the guys I dated was that I ended up dropping them in the friendzone really fast. Like there is some kind of piece of me missing that would help me be actually interested in these guys. Who knows :huh:0 -
Besides the fear of losing your independence I think the big issue is trust. Do you trust people enough to believe they aren't going to rip out your soul and stomp on it in one way or another after you've fallen for them? This could happen in a variety of ways and there is nothing you can do about it. Nothing but sit and be hurt and wait for time to pass and the cuts to heal on your heart. That is the worst feeling ever and I think once someone has truly experienced it, it's a lot harder to run back out there and try again. This risk is after you've gone through all the motions of finding the "perfect" person that will fit into your life that is just right that you mesh with and enjoy spending time with. I'm just saying relationships are hard and I think sometimes people come to a point where maybe they just aren't worth the effort anymore (me).
On the other hand, I can remember my grandparents that spent their entire lives together and raised 9 children. I can look at my best friend and her husband and see how happy they are even though they have 3 kids that keep them on their toes and it was a rocky start. When I think of those examples and it isn't something that was produced in Hollywood, it gives me hope that when I'm ready I'll meet the right person and I'LL BE READY to jump in. You will be too. Good luck!0 -
I am an economist who does a lot of cost benefit analysis for my job so my view is consistent with everything else. A relationship involves tradeoffs. You give up a certain amount of independence (a cost), presumably you gain access to a person that makes your life better (a benefit). There is chance that you make a bad or suboptimal choice and miss out on other girls (risk=cost). Accountability to another person can have both costs and benefits. You can feel like you are being suffocated or even if you know you are doing the right thing you hate feeling compelled to do it. It can also lead you to make better decisions that improve your life - eat better, drive safer, work harder and advance professionally more than you otherwise would. After considering all the tradeoffs, do it when benefits are perceived to be greater than costs. Don't do it otherwise.
Have you ever seen "Along Came Polly"? :bigsmile:0 -
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