I need translation
Replies
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Please tell me where we stand and if you are wasting my time. If you're response was You can have a date if you book before someone else does. I'd most likely be telling the waitress to make my meal to go.
I'm thinking what reaction I would have if a guy said that to me. And I think it would be the same as his!!
I get really irritated when I can tell they're dating others (ex, they're on Match every day, they cut off our phone convos quick and with no explanation, they can only see you at odd times but never Friday or Sat night) and yet they have the audacity to get upset with me accepting weekend dates. Well... if you really wanna see me, then take me out. Stop with the bull.
When I like a guy, and try to see if he's dating others, usually what happens is he lies to me about it and I find out later that what I suspected (that when he canx on me xyz time it was b/c he went out with someone "better") is exactly what happened.
Which is why I stopped doing the "focus on one guy at a time" thing. Some guys naturally squeezed out others. For example, bodybuilder guy didn't last, but there was a stretch of 10 days where we saw each other every single day. Was I going out with others? No. I didn't have time. Did I immediately start accepting offers when he backed off? Of course I did (he canx a date at the last minute with a lame excuse).0 -
Still would like an answer the question of how Ashley could make sure SL knows she's dating others to "light a fire" under him.
Sometimes we give advice we really don't know how to take ourselves, and I can't judge from only 2 responses to my question but my initial guess is that while people THINK that's true, everyone would be offended if they were SL and Ashley told him she was dating others.0 -
Still would like an answer the question of how Ashley could make sure SL knows she's dating others to "light a fire" under him.
Sometimes we give advice we really don't know how to take ourselves, and I can't judge from only 2 responses to my question but my initial guess is that while people THINK that's true, everyone would be offended if they were SL and Ashley told him she was dating others.
Honest answer is that if someone is dating others (which is fine unless we have talked about being exclusive) but wants to use that as tool to get me I would be irritated and tempted to say get lost.
Again it is all about the context and approach so not sure the answer.
"BTW...there are a lot of guys out there that DO want to see me on an exclusive basis so where are you at?"
"You know,I like you and am wondering,even hoping we can see each other more often and others less,what do you think...is it something you would like too?"
See what I mean?0 -
"BTW...there are a lot of guys out there that DO want to see me on an exclusive basis so where are you at?"
"You know,I like you and am wondering,even hoping we can see each other more often and others less,what do you think...is it something you would like too?"
See what I mean?
I see a big difference between the two statements, but to me, the first statement is game playing... not really true, and not something I (or Ashley) could say. If there WERE a lot of guys that wanted to see her on an exclusive basis, ones that she actually liked, she wouldn't be so caught up with SL. She would go out them instead. There are a lot of guys interested, but not interested in being exclusive.0 -
Still would like an answer the question of how Ashley could make sure SL knows she's dating others to "light a fire" under him.
Sometimes we give advice we really don't know how to take ourselves, and I can't judge from only 2 responses to my question but my initial guess is that while people THINK that's true, everyone would be offended if they were SL and Ashley told him she was dating others.
I gave you an answer to that question, there is no good way!! It makes zero sense to me why she would want to use other guys to force him along... that would lead to one result, pissing him off and never seeing him again :mad: . Instead she would be better off using an adult conversation, where she spells out where she would like the relationship to be and depending on his response to the conversation, she can make up her mind if she wants to continue. SL never needs to here a thing about any other guys... we like to feel special too, not like a contestant.... there are plenty of reality shows if we wanted to be contestants!!
edit: I would except Carl's example of a nice way to put it.0 -
I gave you an answer to that question, there is no good way!! It makes zero sense to me why she would want to use other guys to force him along... that would lead to one result, pissing him off and never seeing him again :mad: . Instead she would be better off using an adult conversation, where she spells out where she would like the relationship to be
oops... I guess you replied while I was typing those responses and I didn't notice.
Well, lemme ask you this. When a guy asks about you dating others, why does he get mad when you tell him "I like hanging out with you and hope that we get to know each other well enough that we won't have time for dating others." If you don't wanna know how I feel, why ask??0 -
I gave you an answer to that question, there is no good way!! It makes zero sense to me why she would want to use other guys to force him along... that would lead to one result, pissing him off and never seeing him again :mad: . Instead she would be better off using an adult conversation, where she spells out where she would like the relationship to be
oops... I guess you replied while I was typing those responses and I didn't notice.
Well, lemme ask you this. When a guy asks about you dating others, why does he get mad when you tell him "I like hanging out with you and hope that we get to know each other well enough that we won't have time for dating others." If you don't wanna know how I feel, why ask??
Ok, that is different... I wouldn't ask because I always like to feel special :blushing: haha. I think if they ask you tell them and if they get mad it's their fault for asking. You can't control the way they will take your answer. I think the best way to answer is "I've been on a few dates" keep the answer short and pretty uniformed...that way they don't really feel like just another date, but still know your dating.0 -
I gave you an answer to that question, there is no good way!! It makes zero sense to me why she would want to use other guys to force him along... that would lead to one result, pissing him off and never seeing him again :mad: . Instead she would be better off using an adult conversation, where she spells out where she would like the relationship to be
oops... I guess you replied while I was typing those responses and I didn't notice.
Well, lemme ask you this. When a guy asks about you dating others, why does he get mad when you tell him "I like hanging out with you and hope that we get to know each other well enough that we won't have time for dating others." If you don't wanna know how I feel, why ask??
Simple...that is a mature,polite and reasonable reply to the question,if he gets mad then it was him playing the game so recognize it and make it part of your overall decision process or how feelings grow path.0 -
I'm thinking he decided half-way through that this ISN"T a conversation that should be held through text, so he laughed it off.0
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Still would like an answer the question of how Ashley could make sure SL knows she's dating others to "light a fire" under him.
Sometimes we give advice we really don't know how to take ourselves, and I can't judge from only 2 responses to my question but my initial guess is that while people THINK that's true, everyone would be offended if they were SL and Ashley told him she was dating others.
I gave you an answer to that question, there is no good way!! It makes zero sense to me why she would want to use other guys to force him along... that would lead to one result, pissing him off and never seeing him again :mad: . Instead she would be better off using an adult conversation, where she spells out where she would like the relationship to be and depending on his response to the conversation, she can make up her mind if she wants to continue. SL never needs to here a thing about any other guys... we like to feel special too, not like a contestant.... there are plenty of reality shows if we wanted to be contestants!!
edit: I would except Carl's example of a nice way to put it.
I agree with poncho again :flowerforyou: I like to feel special too and would not be discussing my free time with someone I'm dating. It's really not anyone's business who is dating who when you're having a casual relationship!
I also agree that you should never rub it in the guy's face to push him into a decision. Just as I wouldn't want it rubbed in mine! :mad: The fact that you're stalking him on match or facebook or wherever and you THINK he's dating someone else is irrelevant. If it irritates you, dont do it! If you want to make things more exclusive, ask him. I dont see why one conflicts with the other. I also dont think you should judge all men the same. Sounds like you carry bad experiences around with you because of the guys you work/ mix with and therefore you tar all men with the same brush. If you do that to a decent guy, he won't stand for it. Just like you don't!! I really think the military guys you speak of are a different breed! :laugh: Don't let them cloud your better judgement of a perfectly decent man :flowerforyou:
Ashley and SL are on the brink! Just seems to me that neither of them are actually ready to tie the other one down to a decision! But that's just insecurity and time. It will happen soon :bigsmile:0 -
And there are other men around that want my attention!
Does he know this?
Men, I'm curious... what's the "right" way to communicate this to a guy w/o making him think you aren't interested? I lost a guy I was kinda starting to like because he said my casual dating was a sign that I was not interested in him. I thought maybe it was just an excuse since, from what I know, at only 3 weeks in, most guys are seeing others as well. I told him he was welcome to fill up my calender before anyone else could. Wrong answer.
At 3 weeks in most people in single peeps are in a committed relationship as far as I can tell!! I wouldn't call anyone my girlfriend until at least 2 months of dating... Hell at that point I would hardly know them. I don't get why woman would rather hop around looking for (what appears to me) the guy that will claim them as a gf the fastest instead of seeing if it's right before committing to that title. And yes I know you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket, but give me a break, that is just an excuse to not get hurt. Just yesterday someone posted how do you ladies end up with these fuctards... well there is your answer, stop rushing for the title and start getting to know the guy!!
basically this comes off as saying it's ok for guys to date around if they havent committed to making someone a gf but women should only date 1 at a time so they can take time to get the know the person or whatever. of course you're entitled to your opinion, and i'm certain more than a few guys think the same since that means they wouldnt have to worry about competition. i think you're mistaken though about women just hopping around waiting for a guy who's going to claim us the fastest without getting to know them. the fact that we are still dating them means that they are passing closer into the inner circle.
for instance if i start off casually dating 5 guys, 1 might not pass the first date round. that leaves 4.. maybe 2 of those 4 drop out a few weeks later so i'm still enjoying the company of 2 others. obviously i like them both to have kept seeing them and they both have great qualities, so if a few weeks later why wouldnt i agree to be gf with the first one who asks since i'm obviously into him?
as far as discussing any other people i'm dating, yeah that's a bit tacky :laugh: . sorry janie but i'd have dropped you too if i were that guy :blushing:0 -
basically this comes off as saying it's ok for guys to date around if they havent committed to making someone a gf but women should only date 1 at a time so they can take time to get the know the person or whatever.
I think you misinterpreted this,I didn`t take it as saying ladies should pick one and stay with him while he plays the field but rather reflecting on what appears to be a situation where ladies are hell bent on finding a guy as quick as they can to commit to being exclusive and if one doesn`t very quickly then it is "Next".0 -
basically this comes off as saying it's ok for guys to date around if they havent committed to making someone a gf but women should only date 1 at a time so they can take time to get the know the person or whatever.
I think you misinterpreted this,I didn`t take it as saying ladies should pick one and stay with him while he plays the field but rather reflecting on what appears to be a situation where ladies are hell bent on finding a guy as quick as they can to commit to being exclusive and if one doesn`t very quickly then it is "Next".
ah ok. then yeah i misunderstood.0 -
basically this comes off as saying it's ok for guys to date around if they havent committed to making someone a gf but women should only date 1 at a time so they can take time to get the know the person or whatever.
I think you misinterpreted this,I didn`t take it as saying ladies should pick one and stay with him while he plays the field but rather reflecting on what appears to be a situation where ladies are hell bent on finding a guy as quick as they can to commit to being exclusive and if one doesn`t very quickly then it is "Next".
Yup, Carl got it.
I would add though, that playing the field for guys and playing the field for girls are not even in the same ball park! I have never known a guy that gets even close to the avg. amount of dates you ladies on here are pulling! The reason he is still looking on Match or whatever is because he probably doesn't even have another date lined up!! I have been on OKc and POF for a little more than a year and have gotten maybe 8 dates. Get over the notion that it's required to have a date everynight!!0 -
basically this comes off as saying it's ok for guys to date around if they havent committed to making someone a gf but women should only date 1 at a time so they can take time to get the know the person or whatever.
I think you misinterpreted this,I didn`t take it as saying ladies should pick one and stay with him while he plays the field but rather reflecting on what appears to be a situation where ladies are hell bent on finding a guy as quick as they can to commit to being exclusive and if one doesn`t very quickly then it is "Next".
Yup, Carl got it.
I would add though, that playing the field for guys and playing the field for girls are not even in the same ball park! I have never known a guy that gets even close to the avg. amount of dates you ladies on here are pulling! The reason he is still looking on Match or whatever is because he probably doesn't even have another date lined up!! I have been on OKc and POF for a little more than a year and have gotten maybe 8 dates. Get over the notion that it's required to have a date everynight!!
To be cynical about it this is because of the power of rejection that ladies refuse to surrender.
We can ask 10 and hope for 1 while they can be asked by 10 and accept 1.
Obviously that isn`t the exact number as no doubt there will be ladies here who say they have not been asked out in ages but in a general sense I think the principle holds true.0 -
basically this comes off as saying it's ok for guys to date around if they havent committed to making someone a gf but women should only date 1 at a time so they can take time to get the know the person or whatever.
I think you misinterpreted this,I didn`t take it as saying ladies should pick one and stay with him while he plays the field but rather reflecting on what appears to be a situation where ladies are hell bent on finding a guy as quick as they can to commit to being exclusive and if one doesn`t very quickly then it is "Next".
Yup, Carl got it.
I would add though, that playing the field for guys and playing the field for girls are not even in the same ball park! I have never known a guy that gets even close to the avg. amount of dates you ladies on here are pulling! The reason he is still looking on Match or whatever is because he probably doesn't even have another date lined up!! I have been on OKc and POF for a little more than a year and have gotten maybe 8 dates. Get over the notion that it's required to have a date everynight!!
To be cynical about it this is because of the power of rejection that ladies refuse to surrender.
We can ask 10 and hope for 1 while they can be asked by 10 and accept 1.
Obviously that isn`t the exact number as no doubt there will be ladies here who say they have not been asked out in ages but in a general sense I think the principle holds true.
if we're talking about online dating here then yeah there's a HUGE temptation to wield that power. it's also a big reason why i no longer online date because it's far too easy to treat it like online shopping i might do on zappos or something.
also to be honest, i think when many of us say that we havent been asked out in ages we mean by guys we think are suitable :laugh: there's never a shortage of pervs or other undesirables who test the waters. i dont know many women who put those guys anywhere near the 'suitable guys who have asked me out' pile0 -
To be cynical about it this is because of the power of rejection that ladies refuse to surrender.
We can ask 10 and hope for 1 while they can be asked by 10 and accept 1.
Obviously that isn`t the exact number as no doubt there will be ladies here who say they have not been asked out in ages but in a general sense I think the principle holds true.
I understand your point Carl, but your last statement has more truth that anyone is giving credit. I get the feeling from reading messages on this site that the men all believe that all the women get to be picky because 100s of men approach them. That might be true for that top 10% of women, but the same thing would be true for men. I'm sure the top 10% of men get all the winks, etc... from women as well. Most of us are all just sitting around waiting for something to happen.
I haven't been asked out honestly in a lot of years... I got tired of waiting so started making the move myself. That stopped several years ago because I felt like I was chasing men who were too nice to say they just wanted friendship, so hence... no dates since. I'm not part of that top 10% so while the idea of getting "date around" and get to know more than once person sounds great, it isn't my reality any more than it is for most men.
With as many of us that sit around complaining about being alone and how hard it is for our gender to meet people, you'd think MFP just needs to create a dating section, haha!0 -
Hmmm. looks like he's going with the flow.. then again.. I don't know.. weird he texted you that.0
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To be cynical about it this is because of the power of rejection that ladies refuse to surrender.
We can ask 10 and hope for 1 while they can be asked by 10 and accept 1.
Obviously that isn`t the exact number as no doubt there will be ladies here who say they have not been asked out in ages but in a general sense I think the principle holds true.
I understand your point Carl, but your last statement has more truth that anyone is giving credit. I get the feeling from reading messages on this site that the men all believe that all the women get to be picky because 100s of men approach them. That might be true for that top 10% of women, but the same thing would be true for men. I'm sure the top 10% of men get all the winks, etc... from women as well. Most of us are all just sitting around waiting for something to happen.
I haven't been asked out honestly in a lot of years... I got tired of waiting so started making the move myself. That stopped several years ago because I felt like I was chasing men who were too nice to say they just wanted friendship, so hence... no dates since. I'm not part of that top 10% so while the idea of getting "date around" and get to know more than once person sounds great, it isn't my reality any more than it is for most men.
With as many of us that sit around complaining about being alone and how hard it is for our gender to meet people, you'd think MFP just needs to create a dating section, haha!
Uhm...isn`t that the position you are putting guys in though?
Not picking on you but for all the talk over the last 20-30 years about how a guy is supposed to be sensitive and not afraid of showing emotion it seems very few ladies worry much over him/us actually having them.
This is why I bristle at the suggestion that a lady should sit back and take little or no initiative in a dating process,it basically says I can`t bear the emotion of this so you must but btw don`t treat me like I am emotionally fragile or that I am not your equal in every way.
I am not suggesting ladies aren`t but when they deliberately put themselves in positions that conveniently spares themselves any risk at my expense it is hard not to have it be a bit annoying.
For everyone that says "well I am just old fashioned" are they also willing to accept a life that accompanied those social mores which considered them second class citizens at best and barely human at worst?
Doubtful.0 -
I would add though, that playing the field for guys and playing the field for girls are not even in the same ball park! I have never known a guy that gets even close to the avg. amount of dates you ladies on here are pulling! The reason he is still looking on Match or whatever is because he probably doesn't even have another date lined up!! I have been on OKc and POF for a little more than a year and have gotten maybe 8 dates. Get over the notion that it's required to have a date everynight!!
See that's the thing... it appears (even for the guys on this board) when they find an amazing woman, they get so into her they aren't looking to line up more dates with other women.
So a lot of times I feel like a guy is just happy that someone actually responded... and he's taking that girl out on repeat dates until someone else actually bites. The first couple dates I don't interpret as "Oh, he really likes me."
It could be any number of things:
"he really likes me"
"I'm lonely and she's better than nothing (someone on this board said that)"
"he hasn't had a date in months and she's not the one but she's probably lonely too so at least we'll get some"
"he really needs a date for xyz function next month so he'll string me along (this happened to my girlfriend, not me)"
Guy asks me to be exclusive after 3 weeks, my answer is going to be "I really like you, and I feel like we're headed that way, but let's get to know each other a little better first." I'm not gonna tell him, but I don't even feel like I'm seeing the "real" him that short into knowing him anyway.
Now, if the date is with someone I've known for awhile either online or in person for a while, that's different. There are a couple guys I know in person and online who I would take myself off the market for in a heartbeat. I've seen how they handle anger, conflict and I've seen how they treat their woman (when they have one). But random guy I must met off the internet?? I'm sorry. I'm just not the one for you if you're looking for a label next month.0 -
Uhm...isn`t that the position you are putting guys in though?
Not picking on you but for all the talk over the last 20-30 years about how a guy is supposed to be sensitive and not afraid of showing emotion it seems very few ladies worry much over him/us actually having them.
This is why I bristle at the suggestion that a lady should sit back and take little or no initiative in a dating process,it basically says I can`t bear the emotion of this so you must but btw don`t treat me like I am emotionally fragile or that I am not your equal in every way.
I am not suggesting ladies aren`t but when they deliberately put themselves in positions that conveniently spares themselves any risk at my expense it is hard not to have it be a bit annoying.
For everyone that says "well I am just old fashioned" are they also willing to accept a life that accompanied those social mores which considered them second class citizens at best and barely human at worst?
Doubtful.
I understand what you're saying. For me though, I feel pretty comfortable being completely honest with someone about whether I'm interested or not... I've never let it drag on for months in some weird confusing place. I'd rather share what I think and allow us both to move on. I know both men and women that are honest but have unfortunately met too many nice guys who let it drag on and I get hurt, so I chose not to take that step now.
I'm not saying women should sit back and do nothing. I choose not to directly ask anyone out any more, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be letting someone know I'm interested. I wouldn't expect a man to take on all risk and make a move without SOME signal that I'm interested. In my particular case, I don't do that either more because of a confidence issue, hence the multiple years of no dates. Until the day I decide I want someone in my life enough to let go of the fear of rejection, I would be silly to think Prince Charming is going to push through all those obstacles with all the risk and no idea how things will go!
We all take risks in this environment... and I will conceed that women as a whole expect men to bear more of that...0 -
To be cynical about it this is because of the power of rejection that ladies refuse to surrender.
We can ask 10 and hope for 1 while they can be asked by 10 and accept 1.
Yeah, especially for us dogs that get no attention in real life but get plenty online. Who was that that said a girl who's really a "3" IRL gets treated like a "7" online? I get way more attention online then I have time (and temperament) to deal with in person. And I'm not deluded about that b/c when we hang out, the guys look at my friends not me. So I can understand what the guys are saying about the odds of getting a decent lady online.
So far, out of at least 11 guys I've met online since March, only 1 has been a loser. The rest have had whatever issues/quirks (like not willing to move) but I wouldn't call them jerks like the last time I was online. I'm actually looking for a polite way to set them up with certain ladies in my singles group.0 -
I would add though, that playing the field for guys and playing the field for girls are not even in the same ball park! I have never known a guy that gets even close to the avg. amount of dates you ladies on here are pulling! The reason he is still looking on Match or whatever is because he probably doesn't even have another date lined up!! I have been on OKc and POF for a little more than a year and have gotten maybe 8 dates. Get over the notion that it's required to have a date everynight!!
See that's the thing... it appears (even for the guys on this board) when they find an amazing woman, they get so into her they aren't looking to line up more dates with other women.
So a lot of times I feel like a guy is just happy that someone actually responded... and he's taking that girl out on repeat dates until someone else actually bites. The first couple dates I don't interpret as "Oh, he really likes me."
It could be any number of things:
"he really likes me"
"I'm lonely and she's better than nothing (someone on this board said that)"
"he hasn't had a date in months and she's not the one but she's probably lonely too so at least we'll get some"
"he really needs a date for xyz function next month so he'll string me along (this happened to my girlfriend, not me)"
Guy asks me to be exclusive after 3 weeks, my answer is going to be "I really like you, and I feel like we're headed that way, but let's get to know each other a little better first." I'm not gonna tell him, but I don't even feel like I'm seeing the "real" him that short into knowing him anyway.
Now, if the date is with someone I've known for awhile either online or in person for a while, that's different. There are a couple guys I know in person and online who I would take myself off the market for in a heartbeat. I've seen how they handle anger, conflict and I've seen how they treat their woman (when they have one). But random guy I must met off the internet?? I'm sorry. I'm just not the one for you if you're looking for a label next month.
I think what you said here is pretty much right as far as online dating is concerned... personally if I wasn't into her on date one I'd rather watch tv then have a 2nd date... but I think a lot of guys do get excited just to get a response and then go on more dates with her because of any reason you listed above.
btw. I said the 3-7 thing but not the dogs... I look at it like this, I went on 8 dates and 7 of which I said I wasn't interested in a 2nd, and 1 of them the girl said she really liked me but 6' wasn't tall enough... so in my experience I'm not getting what I usually do in person with online.0 -
I would add though, that playing the field for guys and playing the field for girls are not even in the same ball park! I have never known a guy that gets even close to the avg. amount of dates you ladies on here are pulling! The reason he is still looking on Match or whatever is because he probably doesn't even have another date lined up!! I have been on OKc and POF for a little more than a year and have gotten maybe 8 dates. Get over the notion that it's required to have a date everynight!!
See that's the thing... it appears (even for the guys on this board) when they find an amazing woman, they get so into her they aren't looking to line up more dates with other women.
So a lot of times I feel like a guy is just happy that someone actually responded... and he's taking that girl out on repeat dates until someone else actually bites. The first couple dates I don't interpret as "Oh, he really likes me."
Understand though that is a product of your imagination or insecurities and accept it as that and work on it...don`t assume it is correct.
Your first sentence is more of the same..."Oh darn,I didn`t wow him into the relationship status I have already envisioned so he must not be into me or is just feeling sorry for me."
Bull**** Janie,you have no reason to ever think such a thing,you are a beautiful and intelligent lady,just let a guy move at his own pace too.0 -
Your first sentence is more of the same..."Oh darn,I didn`t wow him into the relationship status I have already envisioned so he must not be into me or is just feeling sorry for me."
Thanks for the compliment!
Don't put words in my mouth. I do not envision being in "relationship" status that quick. In fact, I don't trust the judgment of a man who is willing to throw away all other potential women to be exclusive after only 3 weeks. My goodness, he might not even have seen my TOM yet.
Although ...funny story... there's actually someone I dated for a bit and then was friends with for a long time who, due to our mutual travels, for like the first YEAR we knew each other he ONLY saw me during TOM. Seemed like TOM would move just to shadow our dates. Grrrr. If he had liked me that way after 3-4 dates (and he never did) I suspect I would have believed him!
Oh, and PS: many of the old generation tells stories about "I knew she was the one when I saw her" seems like times have changed... and the fastest growing category of divorce (heard on the news yesterday) is women in their 60s leaving their husbands. Whaaaaa?0 -
btw. I said the 3-7 thing but not the dogs... I look at it like this, I went on 8 dates and 7 of which I said I wasn't interested in a 2nd, and 1 of them the girl said she really liked me but 6' wasn't tall enough... so in my experience I'm not getting what I usually do in person with online.
I think meeting someone IRL is about the only proper indication of interest. I know that's obvious, as you meet onliners IRL too, but what i'm trying to say is that any statistics that result from online attraction is a false reading. Too many lunatics, too many variables!!
I woud even go so far as to say that the numbers dont even count!
Just sayin........:flowerforyou:0 -
Your first sentence is more of the same..."Oh darn,I didn`t wow him into the relationship status I have already envisioned so he must not be into me or is just feeling sorry for me."
Thanks for the compliment!
Don't put words in my mouth. I do not envision being in "relationship" status that quick. In fact, I don't trust the judgment of a man who is willing to throw away all other potential women to be exclusive after only 3 weeks. My goodness, he might not even have seen my TOM yet.
Although ...funny story... there's actually someone I dated for a bit and then was friends with for a long time who, due to our mutual travels, for like the first YEAR we knew each other he ONLY saw me during TOM. Seemed like TOM would move just to shadow our dates. Grrrr. If he had liked me that way after 3-4 dates (and he never did) I suspect I would have believed him!
Oh, and PS: many of the old generation tells stories about "I knew she was the one when I saw her" seems like times have changed... and the fastest growing category of divorce (heard on the news yesterday) is women in their 60s leaving their husbands. Whaaaaa?
People in their 60's are baby boomers right? So they are part of the largest group in America, and being gay and lesbiens were mostly in the closet back then + everyone used to get married, would make that a perfectly reasonable statistic...0 -
Your first sentence is more of the same..."Oh darn,I didn`t wow him into the relationship status I have already envisioned so he must not be into me or is just feeling sorry for me."
Thanks for the compliment!
Don't put words in my mouth. I do not envision being in "relationship" status that quick. In fact, I don't trust the judgment of a man who is willing to throw away all other potential women to be exclusive after only 3 weeks. My goodness, he might not even have seen my TOM yet.
Although ...funny story... there's actually someone I dated for a bit and then was friends with for a long time who, due to our mutual travels, for like the first YEAR we knew each other he ONLY saw me during TOM. Seemed like TOM would move just to shadow our dates. Grrrr. If he had liked me that way after 3-4 dates (and he never did) I suspect I would have believed him!
Oh, and PS: many of the old generation tells stories about "I knew she was the one when I saw her" seems like times have changed... and the fastest growing category of divorce (heard on the news yesterday) is women in their 60s leaving their husbands. Whaaaaa?
People who are in their 60s now were in their late teens and early twenties in the sex,drugs and rock and roll era of the mid to late 1960`s.
I would not be a bit surprised that many made impulsive and wrong decisions then but had to live within the social structure of reality that includes a mortgage,children plus a gradual maturity that may have been interrupted through hopeless idealism.
After all the economic and child rearing issues are over they finally admit to themselves they were never in love and don`t want to be together.0 -
I suspect the reason the fastest category of divorce is women in their 60s is because of the economy. Younger folks aren't getting married because they can't afford it. The result is they aren't getting divorced 4 years later either. People in their 30s and 40s aren't getting divorced because they can't afford it either. They can't liquidate the house because they are underwater on the mortgage.0
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Wow I'm surprised to see this thread was still alive. :P Well I just got home a bit ago from Little Rock and I spent 7 hours driving, listening to R&B music (and getting twirly), and thinking about what I want. I like SL a lot, but there are certain things that bother me. Are these things deal breakers? No, but what if I continue casually dating and meet someone better?
We were joking around through texting earlier in the day, and he said something to the effect of he likes me enough to ask me a question. I asked what kind of question and he said don't worry about it now. So I'm not dumb, I'm pretty sure he's either going to ask me to be his gf or ask when I want to be. And now that I think he's going to, it makes me wonder. Am I ready to even be in a relationship? I know we can take it slowly still, but the title is a big deal. My divorce had been final a little over two months. Yes, we've been seeing each other about two months, so the timing is appropriate, but there are other factors involved:
1. He may or may not be living here after March of next year, and if he's not he doesn't know where yet. I know this is a long ways away, but I don't want to do long distance.
2. The few things that bother me: he doesn't kiss me with more oomph than pecks most of the time (not like the first couple of times when we were making out like the Olympics), he's not vocally open with his feelings, and he's not serious with his feelings most of the time. I don't know of it's because he has a "wall" or whatever, but I guess I'm waiting to see.
3. This one is kind of dumb, but he doesn't like to go out, like to bars or whatever. While he's already stated that he for real doesn't care if his significant other goes out without him, I kinda want to date someone to go out WITH me and my friends. He loves to chill and stay home, which is great too, but I like variety. Variety is fun.
We communicated a little bit while I was driving. He mentioned that he could leave his door unlocked and I could go over after I got home, but I told him I wouldn't want to wake him and just would see him tomorrow. I did buy him a birthday gift--two six packs of beer brewed in Arkansas that he can add to his beer-collage.
While I know all of this is kind of a rambling of stuff, I think I know what y'all are gonna say: communicate. Talk.
Guess I'll put on my big girl panties and say how I really feel when he brings it up. But honestly, as long as he's not bringing it up, I'm okay with that too.0
This discussion has been closed.