I need translation

Carl01

1. He may or may not be living here after March of next year, and if he's not he doesn't know where yet. I know this is a long ways away, but I don't want to do long distance.
2. The few things that bother me: he doesn't kiss me with more oomph than pecks most of the time (not like the first couple of times when we were making out like the Olympics), he's not vocally open with his feelings, and he's not serious with his feelings most of the time. I don't know of it's because he has a "wall" or whatever, but I guess I'm waiting to see.
3. This one is kind of dumb, but he doesn't like to go out, like to bars or whatever. While he's already stated that he for real doesn't care if his significant other goes out without him, I kinda want to date someone to go out WITH me and my friends. He loves to chill and stay home, which is great too, but I like variety. Variety is fun.

In my observation of people this is where it all goes horribly wrong.
You have to ask yourself and accept what you are dating for...if it is as a diversion from the the daily battles of life then this is fine but don`t be thinking marriage or long term based on it.
If you really intend to be trying to find a spouse or the long term live in then the "fun" thing kind of needs to be put on the back burner and the issues of daily getting along,dealing with finances and life need to be more in focus as far as sorting out feelings.

When one is only interested in the first,dating for a fun night out to escape,and then lets that lead to marriage or other commitment it is almost a guarantee for heart ache somewhere down the road.

I guess what I am saying is to figure what your true long term goal in life is and then think on what it will take to see that successful.

AnnaPixie

2. The few things that bother me: he doesn't kiss me with more oomph than pecks most of the time (not like the first couple of times when we were making out like the Olympics), he's not vocally open with his feelings, and he's not serious with his feelings most of the time. I don't know of it's because he has a "wall" or whatever, but I guess I'm waiting to see.
3. This one is kind of dumb, but he doesn't like to go out, like to bars or whatever. While he's already stated that he for real doesn't care if his significant other goes out without him, I kinda want to date someone to go out WITH me and my friends. He loves to chill and stay home, which is great too, but I like variety. Variety is fun.

Both deal breakers for me!! I love kissing :smooched: and I love going out and enjoying life :drinker: And I'm 48!!! :laugh: (And I think this is the main reason I'm single as lots of guys my age just want to sit at home and watch tv! :noway: )

Some people get a bit more homely as they get older, but at 25? Nah, I think SL is a nester and long term, I would see that as a problem.

I can see why you're not ready to commit, but yes, do have the conversation with him when and if it arises :flowerforyou: Or put a rocket up his *kitten*!! :laugh:

r1ghtpath

i agree with carl. you need to figure out your goal LONG term! then go from there.

regarding the kissing. next time he's sitting on the sofa, straddle him and kiss him how you like to kiss!!! :-) let him KNOW that's how you want your kisses to be.

regarding the going out. see if he would be good trading weekends. or nights. or something like that. one weekend you all go out. next weekend you do what he wants. or one night is his night and one night is your night. not forcing, compromising :-)

but, figure out what YOU want first. not what you think HE wants you to want :-)

Daisy_Cutter

All three of those would be deal breakers for me. I don't want to invest a year of my time and then be brokenhearted when he left. I've tried long distance too -- for over a year. I didn't work for me at all. I need a physical connection.

Kissing - HUGE thing for me as well. I actually didn't like the way my ex-husband kissed -- I know.. red flag, right? Next guy is going to have to knock me off my feet every time.

Going out - if you get into a relationship with him I believe you're going to eventually resent him for being such a home-body. You're young and should be going out with your friends. It IS fun. You need to find someone that has the same level of excitement for this type of thing.

One more thing -- you're divorce has been final for 2 months....Coming from someone that has been divorced for 3 years, I know at 2 months I wasn't ready for a "commitment". I was ready to date and have fun, but not really get into something serious. Part of your reservations could be that you're just not ready. Have fun... but give yourself time before you get serious. If you really like SL... just tell him you're not ready for anything super serious and see where it goes from there.