Bar Guy
Replies
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If you bring me home after meeting you in a bar that night...we are ****ing. That is it, no relationship, no dating. We have sex I leave before the sun comes up and probably don't even remember your name. Might not be all guys but it is all honest guys!
Wow!! What if she didn't invite you back for sex?? Isnt that a bit presumptious on your part?? :huh:
And the OP didn't say she had sex with the guy!!! :noway:
It's kinda scary, the way you've put it Will :noway:
You have to admit it isn't a stretch to believe that he probably expects to have sex. Especially when it gets physical straight away.
I dont know what men expect!! Or how they think!! If I knew that, I'd write a book called "women understand men" and make millions :laugh: All I'm saying is that I've invited many guys back to my place and they didnt GET sex. I've had this conversation with Florian and he feels the same as you guys. However, I can can only go by my experience and I have always felt in control of that eventuality. Not all people are created equal. Like Nat, I dont do one night stands either :flowerforyou:
You're "book" would be a one pager. :drinker:
Yes, I would expect men to be on their best behavior and play on your cues, but then I'm guessing you didn't send him signals that you had sex in mind. But I assure you, he did. He was just waiting for an opening.0 -
If you bring me home after meeting you in a bar that night...we are ****ing. That is it, no relationship, no dating. We have sex I leave before the sun comes up and probably don't even remember your name. Might not be all guys but it is all honest guys!
Wow!! What if she didn't invite you back for sex?? Isnt that a bit presumptious on your part?? :huh:
And the OP didn't say she had sex with the guy!!! :noway:
It's kinda scary, the way you've put it Will :noway:
It may be presumptuous on my part but in my lifetime at bars I have never once had a girl meet me in the bar have drinks, bring me back to her house and NOT have sex.
Not trying to be harsh or piss anyone off but the poster is 23 and been in the bars for 2 years....I've got more experience in that field and cutting through all the bs told her my opinion.0 -
If you bring me home after meeting you in a bar that night...we are ****ing. That is it, no relationship, no dating. We have sex I leave before the sun comes up and probably don't even remember your name. Might not be all guys but it is all honest guys!
Wow!! What if she didn't invite you back for sex?? Isnt that a bit presumptious on your part?? :huh:
And the OP didn't say she had sex with the guy!!! :noway:
It's kinda scary, the way you've put it Will :noway:
It may be presumptuous on my part but in my lifetime at bars I have never once had a girl meet me in the bar have drinks, bring me back to her house and NOT have sex.
Not trying to be harsh or piss anyone off but the poster is 23 and been in the bars for 2 years....I've got more experience in that field and cutting through all the bs told her my opinion.
I'm with Will. Women always talk about guys not respecting them or losing respect for them after having sex. I don't do one night stands and wouldn't invite her back if I wasn't interested in more than sex. However, if a girl brought me back to her place or came back to my place after meeting in a bar and we didn't have sex, I'd consider her a tease and lose all respect for her.0 -
If you bring me home after meeting you in a bar that night...we are ****ing. That is it, no relationship, no dating. We have sex I leave before the sun comes up and probably don't even remember your name. Might not be all guys but it is all honest guys!
Wow!! What if she didn't invite you back for sex?? Isnt that a bit presumptious on your part?? :huh:
And the OP didn't say she had sex with the guy!!! :noway:
It's kinda scary, the way you've put it Will :noway:
You have to admit it isn't a stretch to believe that he probably expects to have sex. Especially when it gets physical straight away.
I dont know what men expect!! Or how they think!! If I knew that, I'd write a book called "women understand men" and make millions :laugh: All I'm saying is that I've invited many guys back to my place and they didnt GET sex. I've had this conversation with Florian and he feels the same as you guys. However, I can can only go by my experience and I have always felt in control of that eventuality. Not all people are created equal. Like Nat, I dont do one night stands either :flowerforyou:
You're "book" would be a one pager. :drinker:
Yes, I would expect men to be on their best behavior and play on your cues, but then I'm guessing you didn't send him signals that you had sex in mind. But I assure you, he did. He was just waiting for an opening.
I understand that. But, that's like saying that when you play the lottery you expect/want to win it, but there's a one in a gazillion chance that you will!! (which is about the same odds as a guy has of having sex with me the first night I meet him :laugh: )
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If you bring me home after meeting you in a bar that night...we are ****ing. That is it, no relationship, no dating. We have sex I leave before the sun comes up and probably don't even remember your name. Might not be all guys but it is all honest guys!
Wow!! What if she didn't invite you back for sex?? Isnt that a bit presumptious on your part?? :huh:
And the OP didn't say she had sex with the guy!!! :noway:
It's kinda scary, the way you've put it Will :noway:
It may be presumptuous on my part but in my lifetime at bars I have never once had a girl meet me in the bar have drinks, bring me back to her house and NOT have sex.
Not trying to be harsh or piss anyone off but the poster is 23 and been in the bars for 2 years....I've got more experience in that field and cutting through all the bs told her my opinion.
I'm with Will. Women always talk about guys not respecting them or losing respect for them after having sex. I don't do one night stands and wouldn't invite her back if I wasn't interested in more than sex. However, if a girl brought me back to her place or came back to my place after meeting in a bar and we didn't have sex, I'd consider her a tease and lose all respect for her.
Wow!!
Look, if its the case in America that if you invite a guy back to your house then it means you want sex, then fair enough. It's not like that here, we do a lot of entertaining at our apartments/houses and in bars/pubs. In fact, your house is just an extension of the pub cos pubs used to close so damn early!! 11pm on a weekend, so instead of paying to go to a club, we would go back to someones house. (The opening times changed in the last few years) Anyway, lets just call it a cultural difference.
As long as everyone knows that that is the meaning in America, then everyone knows where they stand.
However, the OP has operated differently here, so, someone/somewhere hasn't told her the rules? She has grown up in a different State? Different country? Part of town? I dunno!!
What's your view on this OP - you've gone quiet? :flowerforyou:0 -
What is a lamb hotpot? I have 3am hunger and that sounds amazing.
Mmmmmmmmmmm :bigsmile: it's slow cooked neck of lamb fillet in like a gravy with onions and potato slices on top. A casserole? Do you have casseroles out there? It's so tender when it's done it just melts in your mouth :flowerforyou:
Oh dear lord. Sounds almost better than sex! Definitely better than sex with a stranger. Recipe?!0 -
if a girl brought me back to her place or came back to my place after meeting in a bar and we didn't have sex, I'd consider her a tease and lose all respect for her.in my lifetime at bars I have never once had a girl meet me in the bar have drinks, bring me back to her house and NOT have sex.no relationship, no dating. We have sex I leave before the sun comes up and probably don't even remember your name.
That's how it is in America.Look, if its the case in America that if you invite a guy back to your house then it means you want sex, then fair enough.
...
However, the OP has operated differently here, so, someone/somewhere hasn't told her the rules?
Sometimes when you just get started dating you don't realize what's what. For example, when I first became single 3 years ago, I had NO IDEA that inviting a guy over to watch a movie REALLY meant (in dating vernacular) I was inviting him over to make out. WHAT?? I thought I was just being frugal and plus I really like to watch movies! I was so glad when one of the church college kids clued me in as to why these guys thought I was a tease and would get mad at me.
If OP was ok with the signals she's sending, that's one thing. But she keeps talking about these guys like she's hoping for a relationship. The guys themselves are telling her the truth. One of the great things about this board is it's been helpful in pointing out when we are sending signals contrary to our goals.0 -
if a girl brought me back to her place or came back to my place after meeting in a bar and we didn't have sex, I'd consider her a tease and lose all respect for her.in my lifetime at bars I have never once had a girl meet me in the bar have drinks, bring me back to her house and NOT have sex.no relationship, no dating. We have sex I leave before the sun comes up and probably don't even remember your name.
That's how it is in America.Look, if its the case in America that if you invite a guy back to your house then it means you want sex, then fair enough.
...
However, the OP has operated differently here, so, someone/somewhere hasn't told her the rules?
Sometimes when you just get started dating you don't realize what's what. For example, when I first became single 3 years ago, I had NO IDEA that inviting a guy over to watch a movie REALLY meant (in dating vernacular) I was inviting him over to make out. WHAT?? I thought I was just being frugal and plus I really like to watch movies! I was so glad when one of the church college kids clued me in as to why these guys thought I was a tease and would get mad at me.
If OP was ok with the signals she's sending, that's one thing. But she keeps talking about these guys like she's hoping for a relationship. The guys themselves are telling her the truth. One of the great things about this board is it's been helpful in pointing out when we are sending signals contrary to our goals.
Thanks for the explanation Janie :flowerforyou:
I agree that its good to talk on here :bigsmile:0 -
What is a lamb hotpot? I have 3am hunger and that sounds amazing.
Mmmmmmmmmmm :bigsmile: it's slow cooked neck of lamb fillet in like a gravy with onions and potato slices on top. A casserole? Do you have casseroles out there? It's so tender when it's done it just melts in your mouth :flowerforyou:
Oh dear lord. Sounds almost better than sex! Definitely better than sex with a stranger. Recipe?!
Lancashire Hotpot
(Serves 4)
1 ½ lb (600g) boneless neck of lamb, cubed
2 onions, peeled and sliced
15 fl oz (375ml) beef stock
2tsp cornflour, blended with 2 tbsp water
1tsp Worcester sauce
1 tsp dried thyme
salt and freshly ground pepper
2lb (900g) potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced
Pre-heat the oven to 170C/325F/Gas Mark 3
Dry fry the lamb briskly in a non-stick pan until the meat is well browned. Place in a casserole dish.
Reduce the heat a little and dry-fry the onions until they are soft and light brown. Gradually stir in the stock, blended cornflour and water, Worcester sauce and herbs, and bring to the boil, stirring continuously. Season well and pour over the contents of the casserole. Top with neat overlapping layer of potato slices.
Cover the casserole and bake gently for 2 hours. Uncover. Increase the heat to 220C/425F/Gas Mark 7 and continue to cook for a further 30-35 minutes until the potatoes are crisp and brown. Serve with unlimited vegetables.
I always add more thyme and worcester sauce!! Do you even get Worcester sauce in America?? :huh:
BTW this is a Rosemary Connolly recipe from the Beach body diet, but I dont have the calorie count.
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For a bit of perspective Anna,most to almost all ladies on here will not even let a guy meet them at their homes for a first or second organized date.
My experience has been even allowing an actual phone call means that a lady has moved beyond a casual acquaintance.
To meet a stranger in a bar and then ask them to your home is sending a very strong signal that you want something more then chit chat.
Maybe the op didn`t mean it to be for sex and that is okay but understand a guy is going to read it that way as will virtually 100% of women will too if I was to meet you in a bar and then ask you to come to my hotel room.
If she did not grasp this (which I doubt is the case) then she needs to as it moves things along several steps instantly to do so.
Now as to this being moralistic,it is not as far as the issue of inviting a guy home...it is talking about how you treat people.
To ask a guy home within hours of meeting him and either that night or the next cuddling (which means some level of intimacy) and then saying "I really like this other guy better" is just being inconsiderate to the feelings of Bar guy.
It is not something to be proud of nor would any lady accept it if a guy said he was doing the same without being upfront about the fact they were actively seeking others.
That was all I was addressing.0 -
well none of you have to worry anymore since im done with both of them.. mall guy blew me off AGAIN so im competly done with him and bar guy doesnt know where we stand because he asked within 24 hours of me seeing him what he was hoping to get out of this and i said i dunno know and that he feels like i lead him on which i didnt so with that and that i had sex with him on the first night he doesnt know what to do nor does he thikk we cant start over but he still says we are friends
i feel like a failure0 -
well none of you have to worry anymore since im done with both of them.. mall guy blew me off AGAIN so im competly done with him and bar guy doesnt know where we stand because he asked within 24 hours of me seeing him what he was hoping to get out of this and i said i dunno know and that he feels like i lead him on which i didnt so with that and that i had sex with him on the first night he doesnt know what to do nor does he thikk we cant start over but he still says we are friends
i feel like a failure
don't be hard on yourself.. we live and we learn!! learn from this.. that's the best thing you can do. :flowerforyou:0 -
Yeah I wouldnt worry about it, treat them as encounters, doesnt matter how they turn out... You arent breaking up out of an serious relationship...
On the flip side, you got to have sex :smokin:0 -
well none of you have to worry anymore since im done with both of them.. mall guy blew me off AGAIN so im competly done with him and bar guy doesnt know where we stand because he asked within 24 hours of me seeing him what he was hoping to get out of this and i said i dunno know and that he feels like i lead him on which i didnt so with that and that i had sex with him on the first night he doesnt know what to do nor does he thikk we cant start over but he still says we are friends
i feel like a failure
Well, tbh, I think you are well rid of mall guy. That wasnt going anywhere for a long time :flowerforyou:
And as for having sex with a guy you meet on the first night, he's right, there's no going back after that!
As Diana says, just learn by your mistakes and move on. Perhaps there is a lot to learn from your fellow Americans on here too!!? Seems like there are certain rules that pertain to your part of the world that you would be wise to adopt?
Look after yourself, keep positive and look forward to your next encounter! That next one might be the ONE!! :flowerforyou:0 -
well none of you have to worry anymore since im done with both of them.. mall guy blew me off AGAIN so im competly done with him and bar guy doesnt know where we stand because he asked within 24 hours of me seeing him what he was hoping to get out of this and i said i dunno know and that he feels like i lead him on which i didnt so with that and that i had sex with him on the first night he doesnt know what to do nor does he thikk we cant start over but he still says we are friends
i feel like a failure
Well, tbh, I think you are well rid of mall guy. That wasnt going anywhere for a long time :flowerforyou:
And as for having sex with a guy you meet on the first night, he's right, there's no going back after that!
As Diana says, just learn by your mistakes and move on. Perhaps there is a lot to learn from your fellow Americans on here too!!? Seems like there are certain rules that pertain to your part of the world that you would be wise to adopt?
Look after yourself, keep positive and look forward to your next encounter! That next one might be the ONE!! :flowerforyou:
I agree with Anna on this. Mark this down as an experiance you learned from and move on. Good luck.0 -
to make a long story short i did hang out with bar guy again. then on friday me and mall guy went to get dinner at a restaurant and i saw bar guy and he saw me. he texted me and said that he saw me with another guy and i said we're just friends. Then the next day i found out bar guy deleated me on fb. So of course i thought he was done with me but he texted me last night. i asked again why he deleated me bc im so confused to everything and he texts back oh my god...then about 10 minutes later he fb friend requests me.
Am I being too crazy and making THAT big of a deal out of this or should I still stay my ground and not talk to him until he tells me why?0 -
Just from what you're sharing it sounds to me like they're both using you for companionship and/or sex. Do you have genuine interest in either of these guys? FB drama with people you're just starting to date is a bad omen. I think you should not see either of them because both situations seem to be kind of awkward? \m/0
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To me it is really not a mystery.
You like Mall guy but seems no one else does,you either listen to their advice or ignore it accepting the consequences of either.
If the majority of people you know don't like your bf/gf or whatever, you should step back and see why they do. Usually there is some truth there.I'm sure this has been said already in the post.. as a guy.. if a girl invites me over the same night i met her, I will assume that she wants to hook up with me.. if the night was successful, and she invites me over the next night...same deal.. but hey, there's a small percentage that he could really be digging you and could possible want a relationship with you.. but I would keep that in mind when inviting some one over the first night you meet them. My opinion. Nothing wrong with this sort of scenario.. you're single and should have fun.
Yes, I hate to say it, but if you invite a guy over so soon he isn't thinking relationship mode, he is thinking hookup mode, and it is highly unlikely to change over to relationship mode. If you want a relationship with a guy, you have to go out with them in public places, and get to know them without sex complicating it. If you want to have sex early on, fine, but realize you risk the chance of derailing the relationship.0 -
but am i over analzying it and going crazy on why he didnt say why he defriended me?0
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He deleted you cos he saw you with another guy! :noway:
Then he friend ed you again cos you lied and said the other guy was just a friend!! :laugh:
What's so confusing?? Or am I missing something.......0 -
He deleted you cos he saw you with another guy! :noway:
Then he friend ed you again cos you lied and said the other guy was just a friend!! :laugh:
What's so confusing?? Or am I missing something.......
why wont he tell me? and its not like im in a commited relationship with any of the two guys more of FWB more so with bar guy so i dont understand if he did it why he freaked out and deleated me0 -
He deleted you cos he saw you with another guy! :noway:
Then he friend ed you again cos you lied and said the other guy was just a friend!! :laugh:
What's so confusing?? Or am I missing something.......
why wont he tell me? and its not like im in a commited relationship with any of the two guys more of FWB more so with bar guy so i dont understand if he did it why he freaked out and deleated me
Does he know you consider him a FWB?
That kind of has to be a mutual agreement.0 -
He deleted you cos he saw you with another guy! :noway:
Then he friend ed you again cos you lied and said the other guy was just a friend!! :laugh:
What's so confusing?? Or am I missing something.......
why wont he tell me? and its not like im in a commited relationship with any of the two guys more of FWB more so with bar guy so i dont understand if he did it why he freaked out and deleated me
Does he know you consider him a FWB?
That kind of has to be a mutual agreement.
he said we were fwb in a text before0 -
He deleted you cos he saw you with another guy! :noway:
Then he friend ed you again cos you lied and said the other guy was just a friend!! :laugh:
What's so confusing?? Or am I missing something.......
why wont he tell me? and its not like im in a commited relationship with any of the two guys more of FWB more so with bar guy so i dont understand if he did it why he freaked out and deleated me
Guys want to think they're the only one in there, even when they're not willing to commit to only being with you. Like a sultan with a harem, man can have a goal of conquest and when they see another man around, it angers them. Don't mix this up with other emotions.
You seem to want this guy to admit feelings he isn't admitting to himself (and may not even have).0 -
If he's gonna be a weirdo and immature and unfriend people maybe you deserve something better...0
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He deleted you cos he saw you with another guy! :noway:
Then he friend ed you again cos you lied and said the other guy was just a friend!! :laugh:
What's so confusing?? Or am I missing something.......
why wont he tell me? and its not like im in a commited relationship with any of the two guys more of FWB more so with bar guy so i dont understand if he did it why he freaked out and deleated me
Does he know you consider him a FWB?
That kind of has to be a mutual agreement.
he said we were fwb in a text before
Then probably he has some feelings by the sounds and thinks the FWB thing is a way to be with you and get the fun stuff.
At this point there is no upside for him trying to get into a relationship,so he will continue to sabotage anything else you might have going to maintain what is.0 -
but am i over analzying it and going crazy on why he didnt say why he defriended me?
Yes you are over analyzing it and going crazy!
You and bar guy had sex the first night you met, no matter what feelings you do or do not have he has limited you to booty call girl. He sees you out with someone else and deletes you from FB...that gets you to contact him or vice versa, he isn't looking to date you he needed a reason to call/text you because he figures she did it once she may do it again!
Not rocket science, and I apologize if this comes off as rude, but we predicted all this when you first asked the question. Hell Anna didnt believe it to be true but it played out about like the men called it.
Don't answer his calls or texts he is going to eventually only call when drunk after or near last call. Best to delete him now from FB and your phone and chalk it up to a life lesson...unless you are cool with booty call in that case just tell him! Hey bar guy don't expect me to call for dinner etc I am gonna call when I need to get laid and you can do the same but don't read into it and if you see me out on a date you have no right to be upset or make an *kitten* of yourself all we have is sex plain and simple!
Or something like that0 -
bar guy we have only hooked up thats basically the only thing we've done... and he doesnt want to stay the night (well thats a whole nother long stupid story...where i dont get where hes coming from) but i hang out with mall guy like going out to dinner and mini-golf so basically like to go on dates0
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I am sorry,this is also going to sound rude but no idea how to be honest and also completely tactful.
You need to mature and decide what you want,this playing both sides against the middle thing is just going to lead to heartache.
If you like mall guy then dedicate yourself to developing a relationship with him,the other guy needs to be back burnered.
If you don`t want a relationship then be honest to yourself and him so he can decide what he should do in light of the fact there is a person you are sleeping with.
It sounds like you are regularly dating him and then having sex with some one else.
How would you like that situation if it was being hidden from you?
If bar guy is not a relationship desire but really just a fvck buddy to you then he needs to know that is where he stands.
Otherwise you will continue to be at the far point of a dead end road with him.
You cannot have both without all kinds of problems so accept that as fact and get your head screwed on straight.0 -
I'm talking about bar guy....he considers you solely as a booty call ! If that isn't what you want lose his #0
