I'm a moron, and I make horrible decisions
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You are attacking him like he stalked his prey and chewed her up and spit her out. there is no blame here, none whatsoever.
Relationships all around are hard to make work and sometimes they dont always work out as planned. it's hard to fit two different lifestyles into one. I don't understand how this turned into what it did. All the damn guy was askng for was a little advice and for people to discuss his situation with him or maybe just post to get it off his chest, not sit here and get bashed about his life choices by someone who doesn't even personally know him and who lives 3000 miles away.
Be happy you are listening to a man feel remorse for his actions instead of bragging about how he bagged a girl even though he didn't like her because he just wanted to get some that night.0 -
Yeah, that's a pretty bad decision. You took a normal situation (bad date) and made it into an issue (had sex with her despite that). Now no matter what you do she can accuse you of leading her on and she would be completely correct. You have unnecessarily hurt a person simply because you couldn't be bothered to keep it in your pants. I don't have a problem when people have casual sex, but both people have to be on the same page (open and honest about what they want from the situation).
Let her down now, apologize, she might verbally abuse you a bit (out of pain, and rightly so) then move on. Next time you aren't interested, don't go to bone town.
To be fair, she didn't sound like a horrible person, just that she wasn't a match for YOU. It's not making sense to me that people are just assuming that she's a wackjob?
Ummmm, she also had sex on a first date... she made that choice and I don't see how he hurt her?? I see 0 reason to apologize and would add that if your going to have sex with someone on the first date, you should know that your chances of a relationship will be reduced to about 0 with that person.
You're right, I made the assumption that this date was made with the expectation that things went well and the two of them hit it off there would be others in the future. Based on that assumption one would assume she is looking for a relationship. So she had sex with the presumption that he liked her and she liked him and things would progress from there. Unless he disclosed that he didn't see it working and then had sex anyway his decision was bad (frankly, his decision was bad if he was going to go ahead and regret it the next day anyway).
At the point where you assume that having sex on the first date precludes any chance of a relationship is simply your opinion. Lot's of relationships were started with having sex on the first date, and often the reason they didn't work out is because of other issues not related to sex. If that is your standard then fine, there are a lot of women that would prefer an emotional connection before making a physical one (again, this is fine, it's a choice for the individual). But I wouldn't recommend any woman waste her time on a guy that told her the desire to have sex is something to be ashamed of and that she obviously doesn't respect herself.
I think your working under the assumption that someone needs to be blamed here. I think you have two adults who went on a date and ended up sleeping together....Whatever her decision was for sleeping with him, has nothing to do with him being at fault. Maybe she felt there was chemistry, that is on her not him. When dealing with other people you can only be responsible for yourself... so in his case he filled an urge and it sounds like he regrets it. For her I don't think we can define her reasons but whatever they are, they are hers to live with.
My assumption is based on the fact that I have never seen anything come of a working relationship after getting down to business on the first date... you are right though, it is possible and I'm sure it has happened many times before.
There is absolutely blame. What he did was dishonest unless he told her straight up that he didn't see anything coming from it. You go on a date with someone that you're really clicking with, so yes her mistake is that she didn't clarify whether or not things were going well, but the fact remains that he knew it wasn't going well and took advantage of her willingness anyway. She's not blameless or any less of an adult, but morally speaking he is far more in the wrong. ESPECIALLY considering that he's coming online and whinging about making bad decisions while speaking poorly of her and expecting some sort of sympathy? Yes, she has to live with her decision to have sex with him. If she was on here talking about why this guy had sex with her then dumped her and she had no clue I'd be telling her as much. In no way does that absolve him of taking emotional advantage of her and since it's his perspective I'm addressing that's the focus of my comments.
Why do you think wrong was done??? I guess I don't get where you're getting your info.... two people decided to have sex, if that is wrong then everyone short of virgins are bad people I guess. I think you need to step out of Disney Land... there is no big bad Wolf here, just a guy that regrets having sex for his own reasons. She had every right to say no or walk away and she didn't, so with her not being here to give her side, the only thing we can assume is that she also wanted to have sex.0 -
Sounds to me like she's the one that took advantage of you and your manly urges.Just to give you a little more insight (since you are big on jumping on all the men on the site, especially me for some reason because of how horrible we are), I mentioned at least 2 of her "deal breakers" at dinner, we had only been talking a couple of days before we met, she was a completely different person during dinner than she was texting and I told her that, I also mentioned on more than one occasion that I didn't think anything long term would come of us because we were in such different places. As we were leaving the restaurant AFTER I said all these things she grabbed my hand and said she still wanted to hang out.
Maybe your blame is in the wrong place, maybe she felt that if she slept with me she would change my mind about things, maybe she just wanted to get some.
Nah, of course not, you can't be wrong, it's always the men who are doing the wrong things to women... you really need to understand not all men are like the men you've been with who did these things, that you project onto other women, to you.
***EDIT***
The only reason I have a regret for doing this is because I wasn't true to myself, I promised myself I was going to make myself wait longer because I want something more serious than a roll in the hay, unfortunately, I wasn't able to control my urges, and I'm unhappy with me because of that.0 -
Sounds to me like she's the one that took advantage of you and your manly urges.Just to give you a little more insight (since you are big on jumping on all the men on the site, especially me for some reason because of how horrible we are), I mentioned at least 2 of her "deal breakers" at dinner, we had only been talking a couple of days before we met, she was a completely different person during dinner than she was texting and I told her that, I also mentioned on more than one occasion that I didn't think anything long term would come of us because we were in such different places. As we were leaving the restaurant AFTER I said all these things she grabbed my hand and said she still wanted to hang out.
Maybe your blame is in the wrong place, maybe she felt that if she slept with me she would change my mind about things, maybe she just wanted to get some.
Nah, of course not, you can't be wrong, it's always the men who are doing the wrong things to women... you really need to understand not all men are like the men you've been with who did these things, that you project onto other women, to you.
***EDIT***
The only reason I have a regret for doing this is because I wasn't true to myself, I promised myself I was going to make myself wait longer because I want something more serious than a roll in the hay, unfortunately, I wasn't able to control my urges, and I'm unhappy with me because of that.
HAHAHAHAAHA0 -
Sounds to me like she's the one that took advantage of you and your manly urges.Just to give you a little more insight (since you are big on jumping on all the men on the site, especially me for some reason because of how horrible we are), I mentioned at least 2 of her "deal breakers" at dinner, we had only been talking a couple of days before we met, she was a completely different person during dinner than she was texting and I told her that, I also mentioned on more than one occasion that I didn't think anything long term would come of us because we were in such different places. As we were leaving the restaurant AFTER I said all these things she grabbed my hand and said she still wanted to hang out.
Maybe your blame is in the wrong place, maybe she felt that if she slept with me she would change my mind about things, maybe she just wanted to get some.
Nah, of course not, you can't be wrong, it's always the men who are doing the wrong things to women... you really need to understand not all men are like the men you've been with who did these things, that you project onto other women, to you.
***EDIT***
The only reason I have a regret for doing this is because I wasn't true to myself, I promised myself I was going to make myself wait longer because I want something more serious than a roll in the hay, unfortunately, I wasn't able to control my urges, and I'm unhappy with me because of that.
I agree. I don't think jax did anything wrong to her if he was clear about his feelings before DTD, and it sounds like he was. How is a single man supposed to resist a free leg-opening anyway, unless she's completely revolting?
We all have our regrets.0 -
You make her sound like she is crazy. And you clearly thought there was something wrong with her, but slept with her anyway. That opens up a realm of even more crazy...
You know how girls get after sex!
Anything inconvenient or bad that happens from here on is your fault... You opened up the floodgates. Good luck, friend.
First off I am not impressed with anything that happened down to kissing and telling but just an opinion.
This however I don`t buy either...adults of both genders are responsible for their actions and no one gets a hormonal or emotional "pass" as far as I am concerned.
As mentioned she willingly participated with no knowledge of his feelings one way or the other.
It is fair for her to be upset at being dumped or feeling duped but to suggest acting crazy is somehow acceptable is wrong too.
Blah blah blah, all men are wrong, and women are always the victims (figured I'd shorten your post to be more concise).
Just to give you a little more insight (since you are big on jumping on all the men on the site, especially me for some reason because of how horrible we are), I mentioned at least 2 of her "deal breakers" at dinner, we had only been talking a couple of days before we met, she was a completely different person during dinner than she was texting and I told her that, I also mentioned on more than one occasion that I didn't think anything long term would come of us because we were in such different places. As we were leaving the restaurant AFTER I said all these things she grabbed my hand and said she still wanted to hang out.
Maybe your blame is in the wrong place, maybe she felt that if she slept with me she would change my mind about things, maybe she just wanted to get some.
Nah, of course not, you can't be wrong, it's always the men who are doing the wrong things to women... you really need to understand not all men are like the men you've been with who did these things, that you project onto other women, to you.
***EDIT***
The only reason I have a regret for doing this is because I wasn't true to myself, I promised myself I was going to make myself wait longer because I want something more serious than a roll in the hay, unfortunately, I wasn't able to control my urges, and I'm unhappy with me because of that.
If all you got from this whole thing that I was attacking you then you're the one that needs to reread what's going on. I'm far from the first one in this thread to criticize your choice, yet you only bothered to respond to me and get all bent out of shape. Heck, I wasn't even the meanest one! God forbid I respond to your post based on the information you gave us, it's hardly my fault you didn't bother to post the whole story. I suppose I should be a mind reader? The new information DOES change my response (Except for the part about not going to bone town if you're going to regret it later).
I have zero problem with men, matter of fact if you actually paid attention to what I post, I'm one of the people on here that tends toward giving people the benefit of the doubt. It's a bit unreasonable of you really to try and make baseless attacks on me simply because you don't like -my- response in particular. I'm not sure why but you seem to be coming after me unfairly. As far as the issue I had with ONE other person who happened to be a male, pay attention, I was DEFENDING myself every time. You don't know anything about me or my past relationships and it's not like you can even guess considering I'm not the one posting in a public forum *****ing about how I make bad decisions and then *****ing more when someone agrees with you!
For the record, just because I happen to disagree with someone in a specific topic doesn't mean I'm "coming after" them, or even holding a grudge about it. I'm voicing my opinion which, despite being a woman, I have a right to do. It doesn't make me a man hater, it makes me a human being with experiences and ideas. Get yer panties out of a wad, yo.0 -
Sounds to me like she's the one that took advantage of you and your manly urges.Just to give you a little more insight (since you are big on jumping on all the men on the site, especially me for some reason because of how horrible we are), I mentioned at least 2 of her "deal breakers" at dinner, we had only been talking a couple of days before we met, she was a completely different person during dinner than she was texting and I told her that, I also mentioned on more than one occasion that I didn't think anything long term would come of us because we were in such different places. As we were leaving the restaurant AFTER I said all these things she grabbed my hand and said she still wanted to hang out.
Maybe your blame is in the wrong place, maybe she felt that if she slept with me she would change my mind about things, maybe she just wanted to get some.
Nah, of course not, you can't be wrong, it's always the men who are doing the wrong things to women... you really need to understand not all men are like the men you've been with who did these things, that you project onto other women, to you.
***EDIT***
The only reason I have a regret for doing this is because I wasn't true to myself, I promised myself I was going to make myself wait longer because I want something more serious than a roll in the hay, unfortunately, I wasn't able to control my urges, and I'm unhappy with me because of that.
I agree. I don't think jax did anything wrong to her if he was clear about his feelings before DTD, and it sounds like he was. How is a single man supposed to resist a free leg-opening anyway, unless she's completely revolting?
We all have our regrets.
Agreed, now that new information has been added. If she tries to manipulate it later then meh, deal with it then.0 -
You make her sound like she is crazy. And you clearly thought there was something wrong with her, but slept with her anyway. That opens up a realm of even more crazy...
You know how girls get after sex!
Anything inconvenient or bad that happens from here on is your fault... You opened up the floodgates. Good luck, friend.
First off I am not impressed with anything that happened down to kissing and telling but just an opinion.
This however I don`t buy either...adults of both genders are responsible for their actions and no one gets a hormonal or emotional "pass" as far as I am concerned.
As mentioned she willingly participated with no knowledge of his feelings one way or the other.
It is fair for her to be upset at being dumped or feeling duped but to suggest acting crazy is somehow acceptable is wrong too.
Blah blah blah, all men are wrong, and women are always the victims (figured I'd shorten your post to be more concise).
Just to give you a little more insight (since you are big on jumping on all the men on the site, especially me for some reason because of how horrible we are), I mentioned at least 2 of her "deal breakers" at dinner, we had only been talking a couple of days before we met, she was a completely different person during dinner than she was texting and I told her that, I also mentioned on more than one occasion that I didn't think anything long term would come of us because we were in such different places. As we were leaving the restaurant AFTER I said all these things she grabbed my hand and said she still wanted to hang out.
Maybe your blame is in the wrong place, maybe she felt that if she slept with me she would change my mind about things, maybe she just wanted to get some.
Nah, of course not, you can't be wrong, it's always the men who are doing the wrong things to women... you really need to understand not all men are like the men you've been with who did these things, that you project onto other women, to you.
***EDIT***
The only reason I have a regret for doing this is because I wasn't true to myself, I promised myself I was going to make myself wait longer because I want something more serious than a roll in the hay, unfortunately, I wasn't able to control my urges, and I'm unhappy with me because of that.
If all you got from this whole thing that I was attacking you then you're the one that needs to reread what's going on. I'm far from the first one in this thread to criticize your choice, yet you only bothered to respond to me and get all bent out of shape. Heck, I wasn't even the meanest one! God forbid I respond to your post based on the information you gave us, it's hardly my fault you didn't bother to post the whole story. I suppose I should be a mind reader? The new information DOES change my response (Except for the part about not going to bone town if you're going to regret it later).
I have zero problem with men, matter of fact if you actually paid attention to what I post, I'm one of the people on here that tends toward giving people the benefit of the doubt. It's a bit unreasonable of you really to try and make baseless attacks on me simply because you don't like -my- response in particular. I'm not sure why but you seem to be coming after me unfairly. As far as the issue I had with ONE other person who happened to be a male, pay attention, I was DEFENDING myself every time. You don't know anything about me or my past relationships and it's not like you can even guess considering I'm not the one posting in a public forum *****ing about how I make bad decisions and then *****ing more when someone agrees with you!
For the record, just because I happen to disagree with someone in a specific topic doesn't mean I'm "coming after" them, or even holding a grudge about it. I'm voicing my opinion which, despite being a woman, I have a right to do. It doesn't make me a man hater, it makes me a human being with experiences and ideas. Get yer panties out of a wad, yo.
Maybe it's not what you're saying but how you say it? Sometimes the tone in your responses come across as harsh and judgmental. Maybe try smileys or something?
After all, we're all in the same boat here, and I like it better when things are friendly. Silly little faces help that. :flowerforyou: :happy:0 -
Yeah, that's a pretty bad decision. You took a normal situation (bad date) and made it into an issue (had sex with her despite that). Now no matter what you do she can accuse you of leading her on and she would be completely correct. You have unnecessarily hurt a person simply because you couldn't be bothered to keep it in your pants. I don't have a problem when people have casual sex, but both people have to be on the same page (open and honest about what they want from the situation).
Let her down now, apologize, she might verbally abuse you a bit (out of pain, and rightly so) then move on. Next time you aren't interested, don't go to bone town.
To be fair, she didn't sound like a horrible person, just that she wasn't a match for YOU. It's not making sense to me that people are just assuming that she's a wackjob?
Ummmm, she also had sex on a first date... she made that choice and I don't see how he hurt her?? I see 0 reason to apologize and would add that if your going to have sex with someone on the first date, you should know that your chances of a relationship will be reduced to about 0 with that person.
You're right, I made the assumption that this date was made with the expectation that things went well and the two of them hit it off there would be others in the future. Based on that assumption one would assume she is looking for a relationship. So she had sex with the presumption that he liked her and she liked him and things would progress from there. Unless he disclosed that he didn't see it working and then had sex anyway his decision was bad (frankly, his decision was bad if he was going to go ahead and regret it the next day anyway).
At the point where you assume that having sex on the first date precludes any chance of a relationship is simply your opinion. Lot's of relationships were started with having sex on the first date, and often the reason they didn't work out is because of other issues not related to sex. If that is your standard then fine, there are a lot of women that would prefer an emotional connection before making a physical one (again, this is fine, it's a choice for the individual). But I wouldn't recommend any woman waste her time on a guy that told her the desire to have sex is something to be ashamed of and that she obviously doesn't respect herself.
I think your working under the assumption that someone needs to be blamed here. I think you have two adults who went on a date and ended up sleeping together....Whatever her decision was for sleeping with him, has nothing to do with him being at fault. Maybe she felt there was chemistry, that is on her not him. When dealing with other people you can only be responsible for yourself... so in his case he filled an urge and it sounds like he regrets it. For her I don't think we can define her reasons but whatever they are, they are hers to live with.
My assumption is based on the fact that I have never seen anything come of a working relationship after getting down to business on the first date... you are right though, it is possible and I'm sure it has happened many times before.
There is absolutely blame. What he did was dishonest unless he told her straight up that he didn't see anything coming from it. You go on a date with someone that you're really clicking with, so yes her mistake is that she didn't clarify whether or not things were going well, but the fact remains that he knew it wasn't going well and took advantage of her willingness anyway. She's not blameless or any less of an adult, but morally speaking he is far more in the wrong. ESPECIALLY considering that he's coming online and whinging about making bad decisions while speaking poorly of her and expecting some sort of sympathy? Yes, she has to live with her decision to have sex with him. If she was on here talking about why this guy had sex with her then dumped her and she had no clue I'd be telling her as much. In no way does that absolve him of taking emotional advantage of her and since it's his perspective I'm addressing that's the focus of my comments.
Why do you think wrong was done??? I guess I don't get where you're getting your info.... two people decided to have sex, if that is wrong then everyone short of virgins are bad people I guess. I think you need to step out of Disney Land... there is no big bad Wolf here, just a guy that regrets having sex for his own reasons. She had every right to say no or walk away and she didn't, so with her not being here to give her side, the only thing we can assume is that she also wanted to have sex.
Seriously, where are you guys coming up with these assumptions? I'm advocating sex on a first date and your next post is saying how I think only virgins are good people!? Did the logical fallacy emitters in your brain malfunction? My PROBLEM was NOT that they had sex, my problem is that it seemed he took emotional advantage of her willingness to have sex. It doesn't make him a horrible person, it would just have been a horrible decision. I admitted I was wrong when new information was added, but all I had to work with was the first post where he says he didn't like her and bedded her anyway and then was all regret. I can't be expected to know bits of the story that wasn't bothered to be shared, and it's unfair to come after me for basing a response on the selectively shared information when that's all I had to work with!0 -
You make her sound like she is crazy. And you clearly thought there was something wrong with her, but slept with her anyway. That opens up a realm of even more crazy...
You know how girls get after sex!
Anything inconvenient or bad that happens from here on is your fault... You opened up the floodgates. Good luck, friend.
First off I am not impressed with anything that happened down to kissing and telling but just an opinion.
This however I don`t buy either...adults of both genders are responsible for their actions and no one gets a hormonal or emotional "pass" as far as I am concerned.
As mentioned she willingly participated with no knowledge of his feelings one way or the other.
It is fair for her to be upset at being dumped or feeling duped but to suggest acting crazy is somehow acceptable is wrong too.
Blah blah blah, all men are wrong, and women are always the victims (figured I'd shorten your post to be more concise).
Just to give you a little more insight (since you are big on jumping on all the men on the site, especially me for some reason because of how horrible we are), I mentioned at least 2 of her "deal breakers" at dinner, we had only been talking a couple of days before we met, she was a completely different person during dinner than she was texting and I told her that, I also mentioned on more than one occasion that I didn't think anything long term would come of us because we were in such different places. As we were leaving the restaurant AFTER I said all these things she grabbed my hand and said she still wanted to hang out.
Maybe your blame is in the wrong place, maybe she felt that if she slept with me she would change my mind about things, maybe she just wanted to get some.
Nah, of course not, you can't be wrong, it's always the men who are doing the wrong things to women... you really need to understand not all men are like the men you've been with who did these things, that you project onto other women, to you.
***EDIT***
The only reason I have a regret for doing this is because I wasn't true to myself, I promised myself I was going to make myself wait longer because I want something more serious than a roll in the hay, unfortunately, I wasn't able to control my urges, and I'm unhappy with me because of that.
If all you got from this whole thing that I was attacking you then you're the one that needs to reread what's going on. I'm far from the first one in this thread to criticize your choice, yet you only bothered to respond to me and get all bent out of shape. Heck, I wasn't even the meanest one! God forbid I respond to your post based on the information you gave us, it's hardly my fault you didn't bother to post the whole story. I suppose I should be a mind reader? The new information DOES change my response (Except for the part about not going to bone town if you're going to regret it later).
I have zero problem with men, matter of fact if you actually paid attention to what I post, I'm one of the people on here that tends toward giving people the benefit of the doubt. It's a bit unreasonable of you really to try and make baseless attacks on me simply because you don't like -my- response in particular. I'm not sure why but you seem to be coming after me unfairly. As far as the issue I had with ONE other person who happened to be a male, pay attention, I was DEFENDING myself every time. You don't know anything about me or my past relationships and it's not like you can even guess considering I'm not the one posting in a public forum *****ing about how I make bad decisions and then *****ing more when someone agrees with you!
For the record, just because I happen to disagree with someone in a specific topic doesn't mean I'm "coming after" them, or even holding a grudge about it. I'm voicing my opinion which, despite being a woman, I have a right to do. It doesn't make me a man hater, it makes me a human being with experiences and ideas. Get yer panties out of a wad, yo.
Maybe it's not what you're saying but how you say it? Sometimes the tone in your responses come across as harsh and judgmental. Maybe try smileys or something?
After all, we're all in the same boat here, and I like it better when things are friendly. Silly little faces help that. :flowerforyou: :happy:
In no way was I trying to be unfriendly, and it's unfortunate that people have decided to read emotionless words on a screen and assume that I'm a ***** simply because I didn't put a smiley at the end. I admit I have a tendency to be blunt and straight forward, but it's unfair that a man can do that and be considered an equal to Spock but the moment someone with boobs does she's attacked and it's assumed she's a *****. I do use emoticons, but I generally reserve them for extreme emotions. I think in words not feelings, heck I hardly even use acronyms!
On that note, I do appreciate the advice and consideration that there have been misunderstandings... so... :flowerforyou: (hahahaa)0 -
Yeah, that's a pretty bad decision. You took a normal situation (bad date) and made it into an issue (had sex with her despite that). Now no matter what you do she can accuse you of leading her on and she would be completely correct. You have unnecessarily hurt a person simply because you couldn't be bothered to keep it in your pants. I don't have a problem when people have casual sex, but both people have to be on the same page (open and honest about what they want from the situation).
Let her down now, apologize, she might verbally abuse you a bit (out of pain, and rightly so) then move on. Next time you aren't interested, don't go to bone town.
To be fair, she didn't sound like a horrible person, just that she wasn't a match for YOU. It's not making sense to me that people are just assuming that she's a wackjob?
Ummmm, she also had sex on a first date... she made that choice and I don't see how he hurt her?? I see 0 reason to apologize and would add that if your going to have sex with someone on the first date, you should know that your chances of a relationship will be reduced to about 0 with that person.
You're right, I made the assumption that this date was made with the expectation that things went well and the two of them hit it off there would be others in the future. Based on that assumption one would assume she is looking for a relationship. So she had sex with the presumption that he liked her and she liked him and things would progress from there. Unless he disclosed that he didn't see it working and then had sex anyway his decision was bad (frankly, his decision was bad if he was going to go ahead and regret it the next day anyway).
At the point where you assume that having sex on the first date precludes any chance of a relationship is simply your opinion. Lot's of relationships were started with having sex on the first date, and often the reason they didn't work out is because of other issues not related to sex. If that is your standard then fine, there are a lot of women that would prefer an emotional connection before making a physical one (again, this is fine, it's a choice for the individual). But I wouldn't recommend any woman waste her time on a guy that told her the desire to have sex is something to be ashamed of and that she obviously doesn't respect herself.
I think your working under the assumption that someone needs to be blamed here. I think you have two adults who went on a date and ended up sleeping together....Whatever her decision was for sleeping with him, has nothing to do with him being at fault. Maybe she felt there was chemistry, that is on her not him. When dealing with other people you can only be responsible for yourself... so in his case he filled an urge and it sounds like he regrets it. For her I don't think we can define her reasons but whatever they are, they are hers to live with.
My assumption is based on the fact that I have never seen anything come of a working relationship after getting down to business on the first date... you are right though, it is possible and I'm sure it has happened many times before.
There is absolutely blame. What he did was dishonest unless he told her straight up that he didn't see anything coming from it. You go on a date with someone that you're really clicking with, so yes her mistake is that she didn't clarify whether or not things were going well, but the fact remains that he knew it wasn't going well and took advantage of her willingness anyway. She's not blameless or any less of an adult, but morally speaking he is far more in the wrong. ESPECIALLY considering that he's coming online and whinging about making bad decisions while speaking poorly of her and expecting some sort of sympathy? Yes, she has to live with her decision to have sex with him. If she was on here talking about why this guy had sex with her then dumped her and she had no clue I'd be telling her as much. In no way does that absolve him of taking emotional advantage of her and since it's his perspective I'm addressing that's the focus of my comments.
Why do you think wrong was done??? I guess I don't get where you're getting your info.... two people decided to have sex, if that is wrong then everyone short of virgins are bad people I guess. I think you need to step out of Disney Land... there is no big bad Wolf here, just a guy that regrets having sex for his own reasons. She had every right to say no or walk away and she didn't, so with her not being here to give her side, the only thing we can assume is that she also wanted to have sex.
Seriously, where are you guys coming up with these assumptions? I'm advocating sex on a first date and your next post is saying how I think only virgins are good people!? Did the logical fallacy emitters in your brain malfunction? My PROBLEM was NOT that they had sex, my problem is that it seemed he took emotional advantage of her willingness to have sex. It doesn't make him a horrible person, it would just have been a horrible decision. I admitted I was wrong when new information was added, but all I had to work with was the first post where he says he didn't like her and bedded her anyway and then was all regret. I can't be expected to know bits of the story that wasn't bothered to be shared, and it's unfair to come after me for basing a response on the selectively shared information when that's all I had to work with!
Then you shouldn't assume that I'm a bad person and an emotional manipulator. I guess that's my issue with it, you assume that I'm like men you know, or maybe just the ever evil "all men". I'm not, I make bad decisions, but I want more for myself and the person I want to end up with. I guess my friends just know me better, or I come across as more than an evil person who takes advantage of emotionally vulnerable women and that's why folks are jumping to the defense. Or, they just realize that not "all men" do things like that, and as adults we have an inherent responsiblity for our actions which most adults don't use. They just blame everyone and everything but themselves. I admit I wasn't right in what I did, but I didn't give any "lines" or lies to get where I got.
***EDIT***
Didn't see the other posts... you have every right to have an opinion, you have a very harsh way of giving said opinion. I have nothing in a wad, I have a very thick skin, but when I feel attacked (which is how your trite and demeaning posts come across), I will defend myself, and more than likely retort in a way that will seem as an attack or a critique. I do find it funny that you comment on the fact that I don't know you based on the fact that you don't post your personal interactions on the forums, yet you think that all I am are my posts on the forums.0 -
Yeah, that's a pretty bad decision. You took a normal situation (bad date) and made it into an issue (had sex with her despite that). Now no matter what you do she can accuse you of leading her on and she would be completely correct. You have unnecessarily hurt a person simply because you couldn't be bothered to keep it in your pants. I don't have a problem when people have casual sex, but both people have to be on the same page (open and honest about what they want from the situation).
Let her down now, apologize, she might verbally abuse you a bit (out of pain, and rightly so) then move on. Next time you aren't interested, don't go to bone town.
To be fair, she didn't sound like a horrible person, just that she wasn't a match for YOU. It's not making sense to me that people are just assuming that she's a wackjob?
Ummmm, she also had sex on a first date... she made that choice and I don't see how he hurt her?? I see 0 reason to apologize and would add that if your going to have sex with someone on the first date, you should know that your chances of a relationship will be reduced to about 0 with that person.
You're right, I made the assumption that this date was made with the expectation that things went well and the two of them hit it off there would be others in the future. Based on that assumption one would assume she is looking for a relationship. So she had sex with the presumption that he liked her and she liked him and things would progress from there. Unless he disclosed that he didn't see it working and then had sex anyway his decision was bad (frankly, his decision was bad if he was going to go ahead and regret it the next day anyway).
At the point where you assume that having sex on the first date precludes any chance of a relationship is simply your opinion. Lot's of relationships were started with having sex on the first date, and often the reason they didn't work out is because of other issues not related to sex. If that is your standard then fine, there are a lot of women that would prefer an emotional connection before making a physical one (again, this is fine, it's a choice for the individual). But I wouldn't recommend any woman waste her time on a guy that told her the desire to have sex is something to be ashamed of and that she obviously doesn't respect herself.
I think your working under the assumption that someone needs to be blamed here. I think you have two adults who went on a date and ended up sleeping together....Whatever her decision was for sleeping with him, has nothing to do with him being at fault. Maybe she felt there was chemistry, that is on her not him. When dealing with other people you can only be responsible for yourself... so in his case he filled an urge and it sounds like he regrets it. For her I don't think we can define her reasons but whatever they are, they are hers to live with.
My assumption is based on the fact that I have never seen anything come of a working relationship after getting down to business on the first date... you are right though, it is possible and I'm sure it has happened many times before.
There is absolutely blame. What he did was dishonest unless he told her straight up that he didn't see anything coming from it. You go on a date with someone that you're really clicking with, so yes her mistake is that she didn't clarify whether or not things were going well, but the fact remains that he knew it wasn't going well and took advantage of her willingness anyway. She's not blameless or any less of an adult, but morally speaking he is far more in the wrong. ESPECIALLY considering that he's coming online and whinging about making bad decisions while speaking poorly of her and expecting some sort of sympathy? Yes, she has to live with her decision to have sex with him. If she was on here talking about why this guy had sex with her then dumped her and she had no clue I'd be telling her as much. In no way does that absolve him of taking emotional advantage of her and since it's his perspective I'm addressing that's the focus of my comments.
Why do you think wrong was done??? I guess I don't get where you're getting your info.... two people decided to have sex, if that is wrong then everyone short of virgins are bad people I guess. I think you need to step out of Disney Land... there is no big bad Wolf here, just a guy that regrets having sex for his own reasons. She had every right to say no or walk away and she didn't, so with her not being here to give her side, the only thing we can assume is that she also wanted to have sex.
Seriously, where are you guys coming up with these assumptions? I'm advocating sex on a first date and your next post is saying how I think only virgins are good people!? Did the logical fallacy emitters in your brain malfunction? My PROBLEM was NOT that they had sex, my problem is that it seemed he took emotional advantage of her willingness to have sex. It doesn't make him a horrible person, it would just have been a horrible decision. I admitted I was wrong when new information was added, but all I had to work with was the first post where he says he didn't like her and bedded her anyway and then was all regret. I can't be expected to know bits of the story that wasn't bothered to be shared, and it's unfair to come after me for basing a response on the selectively shared information when that's all I had to work with!
You missed my point all together... All we know of her is she went on a date and she had sex after... those are the facts of her side of the story, we can assume nothing else being she isn't here to weigh in on the matter. So there is absolutely no way you should be able to assume anything else or place blame on anyone. Work with the facts and not personal assumptions if your going to go after someone or try to place blame.
And on that note I'm out of this conversation.0 -
Yeah, that's a pretty bad decision. You took a normal situation (bad date) and made it into an issue (had sex with her despite that). Now no matter what you do she can accuse you of leading her on and she would be completely correct. You have unnecessarily hurt a person simply because you couldn't be bothered to keep it in your pants. I don't have a problem when people have casual sex, but both people have to be on the same page (open and honest about what they want from the situation).
Let her down now, apologize, she might verbally abuse you a bit (out of pain, and rightly so) then move on. Next time you aren't interested, don't go to bone town.
To be fair, she didn't sound like a horrible person, just that she wasn't a match for YOU. It's not making sense to me that people are just assuming that she's a wackjob?
Ummmm, she also had sex on a first date... she made that choice and I don't see how he hurt her?? I see 0 reason to apologize and would add that if your going to have sex with someone on the first date, you should know that your chances of a relationship will be reduced to about 0 with that person.
You're right, I made the assumption that this date was made with the expectation that things went well and the two of them hit it off there would be others in the future. Based on that assumption one would assume she is looking for a relationship. So she had sex with the presumption that he liked her and she liked him and things would progress from there. Unless he disclosed that he didn't see it working and then had sex anyway his decision was bad (frankly, his decision was bad if he was going to go ahead and regret it the next day anyway).
At the point where you assume that having sex on the first date precludes any chance of a relationship is simply your opinion. Lot's of relationships were started with having sex on the first date, and often the reason they didn't work out is because of other issues not related to sex. If that is your standard then fine, there are a lot of women that would prefer an emotional connection before making a physical one (again, this is fine, it's a choice for the individual). But I wouldn't recommend any woman waste her time on a guy that told her the desire to have sex is something to be ashamed of and that she obviously doesn't respect herself.
I think your working under the assumption that someone needs to be blamed here. I think you have two adults who went on a date and ended up sleeping together....Whatever her decision was for sleeping with him, has nothing to do with him being at fault. Maybe she felt there was chemistry, that is on her not him. When dealing with other people you can only be responsible for yourself... so in his case he filled an urge and it sounds like he regrets it. For her I don't think we can define her reasons but whatever they are, they are hers to live with.
My assumption is based on the fact that I have never seen anything come of a working relationship after getting down to business on the first date... you are right though, it is possible and I'm sure it has happened many times before.
There is absolutely blame. What he did was dishonest unless he told her straight up that he didn't see anything coming from it. You go on a date with someone that you're really clicking with, so yes her mistake is that she didn't clarify whether or not things were going well, but the fact remains that he knew it wasn't going well and took advantage of her willingness anyway. She's not blameless or any less of an adult, but morally speaking he is far more in the wrong. ESPECIALLY considering that he's coming online and whinging about making bad decisions while speaking poorly of her and expecting some sort of sympathy? Yes, she has to live with her decision to have sex with him. If she was on here talking about why this guy had sex with her then dumped her and she had no clue I'd be telling her as much. In no way does that absolve him of taking emotional advantage of her and since it's his perspective I'm addressing that's the focus of my comments.
Why do you think wrong was done??? I guess I don't get where you're getting your info.... two people decided to have sex, if that is wrong then everyone short of virgins are bad people I guess. I think you need to step out of Disney Land... there is no big bad Wolf here, just a guy that regrets having sex for his own reasons. She had every right to say no or walk away and she didn't, so with her not being here to give her side, the only thing we can assume is that she also wanted to have sex.
Seriously, where are you guys coming up with these assumptions? I'm advocating sex on a first date and your next post is saying how I think only virgins are good people!? Did the logical fallacy emitters in your brain malfunction? My PROBLEM was NOT that they had sex, my problem is that it seemed he took emotional advantage of her willingness to have sex. It doesn't make him a horrible person, it would just have been a horrible decision. I admitted I was wrong when new information was added, but all I had to work with was the first post where he says he didn't like her and bedded her anyway and then was all regret. I can't be expected to know bits of the story that wasn't bothered to be shared, and it's unfair to come after me for basing a response on the selectively shared information when that's all I had to work with!
Then you shouldn't assume that I'm a bad person and an emotional manipulator. I guess that's my issue with it, you assume that I'm like men you know, or maybe just the ever evil "all men". I'm not, I make bad decisions, but I want more for myself and the person I want to end up with. I guess my friends just know me better, or I come across as more than an evil person who takes advantage of emotionally vulnerable women and that's why folks are jumping to the defense. Or, they just realize that not "all men" do things like that, and as adults we have an inherent responsiblity for our actions which most adults don't use. They just blame everyone and everything but themselves. I admit I wasn't right in what I did, but I didn't give any "lines" or lies to get where I got.
***EDIT***
Didn't see the other posts... you have every right to have an opinion, you have a very harsh way of giving said opinion. I have nothing in a wad, I have a very thick skin, but when I feel attacked (which is how your trite and demeaning posts come across), I will defend myself, and more than likely retort in a way that will seem as an attack or a critique. I do find it funny that you comment on the fact that I don't know you based on the fact that you don't post your personal interactions on the forums, yet you think that all I am are my posts on the forums.
You know you really don't have to explain yourself. You posted the OP to share your experience on a bad date. That is what this group is for; to work through your own feelings about yourself and what you are looking for in a functioning relationship. Some people have more of themselves to work on than you do and will therefore relate your experiences to their own closed-minded, bitter perceptions of the world. There isn't really anything you can do about that. You're still a great guy and a good catch for some lucky girl out there somewhere. You acknowledged that you made a bad choice so just shake it off and move on.0 -
Then you shouldn't assume that I'm a bad person and an emotional manipulator. I guess that's my issue with it, you assume that I'm like men you know, or maybe just the ever evil "all men". I'm not, I make bad decisions, but I want more for myself and the person I want to end up with. I guess my friends just know me better, or I come across as more than an evil person who takes advantage of emotionally vulnerable women and that's why folks are jumping to the defense. Or, they just realize that not "all men" do things like that, and as adults we have an inherent responsiblity for our actions which most adults don't use. They just blame everyone and everything but themselves. I admit I wasn't right in what I did, but I didn't give any "lines" or lies to get where I got.
***EDIT***
Didn't see the other posts... you have every right to have an opinion, you have a very harsh way of giving said opinion. I have nothing in a wad, I have a very thick skin, but when I feel attacked (which is how your trite and demeaning posts come across), I will defend myself, and more than likely retort in a way that will seem as an attack or a critique. I do find it funny that you comment on the fact that I don't know you based on the fact that you don't post your personal interactions on the forums, yet you think that all I am are my posts on the forums.
Editted the long *kitten* quote tree...
I in no way said you were a bad person, simply that you made a bad decision and bothered to extrapolate on why I believed that. Once again you're jumping to the idea that I think "all men" are the same and that I believe they're evil and there's nothing but evidence proving the exact opposite! I don't judge people based on anything other than the choices they make in life and all I have is what you've bothered to share. As is stands now, with more information, the only thing I said (after I admitted I was wrong) is that yeah, if you regret it in the morning don't have sex with someone. That was a poor decision (which is probably the only thing we agreed on, haha).
I don't think you don't exist behind a screen and that you have no life outside of MFP - but that's all I know of you. I can't make any call on your "real life" because I know nothing about it. When you post on here that's all I get, and it's ridiculous to expect anyone to simply shrug and say "He's probably a completely different person offline than he is on here" and just smile and agree with whatever thing you want to say. You seem to forget, in all this claiming that you're an individual with a life, that so am I. The difference between us is that I seem to be more selective about what I share, and when I do share I consider the opinions of the strangers that respond and assume no offense was meant (unless it's a blatant attack, which has happened). But all that really proves is that you have even less to utilize as far as judging how I feel about "all men". If I had said "OMG you are a horrible person you should go punch yourself in the dong" then yeah, I'd understand taking it personally. All I did was agree that what you did was a bad thing.
You claim you have thick skin and yet you assumed that everything I said was meant as an attack, which really contradicts your claim. I would say that from now on you just assume everything I say is a joke or just an honest non-attacking opinion and we'll be golden.0 -
You make her sound like she is crazy. And you clearly thought there was something wrong with her, but slept with her anyway. That opens up a realm of even more crazy...
You know how girls get after sex!
Anything inconvenient or bad that happens from here on is your fault... You opened up the floodgates. Good luck, friend.
First off I am not impressed with anything that happened down to kissing and telling but just an opinion.
This however I don`t buy either...adults of both genders are responsible for their actions and no one gets a hormonal or emotional "pass" as far as I am concerned.
As mentioned she willingly participated with no knowledge of his feelings one way or the other.
It is fair for her to be upset at being dumped or feeling duped but to suggest acting crazy is somehow acceptable is wrong too.
Blah blah blah, all men are wrong, and women are always the victims (figured I'd shorten your post to be more concise).
Just to give you a little more insight (since you are big on jumping on all the men on the site, especially me for some reason because of how horrible we are), I mentioned at least 2 of her "deal breakers" at dinner, we had only been talking a couple of days before we met, she was a completely different person during dinner than she was texting and I told her that, I also mentioned on more than one occasion that I didn't think anything long term would come of us because we were in such different places. As we were leaving the restaurant AFTER I said all these things she grabbed my hand and said she still wanted to hang out.
Maybe your blame is in the wrong place, maybe she felt that if she slept with me she would change my mind about things, maybe she just wanted to get some.
Nah, of course not, you can't be wrong, it's always the men who are doing the wrong things to women... you really need to understand not all men are like the men you've been with who did these things, that you project onto other women, to you.
***EDIT***
The only reason I have a regret for doing this is because I wasn't true to myself, I promised myself I was going to make myself wait longer because I want something more serious than a roll in the hay, unfortunately, I wasn't able to control my urges, and I'm unhappy with me because of that.
If all you got from this whole thing that I was attacking you then you're the one that needs to reread what's going on. I'm far from the first one in this thread to criticize your choice, yet you only bothered to respond to me and get all bent out of shape. Heck, I wasn't even the meanest one! God forbid I respond to your post based on the information you gave us, it's hardly my fault you didn't bother to post the whole story. I suppose I should be a mind reader? The new information DOES change my response (Except for the part about not going to bone town if you're going to regret it later).
I have zero problem with men, matter of fact if you actually paid attention to what I post, I'm one of the people on here that tends toward giving people the benefit of the doubt. It's a bit unreasonable of you really to try and make baseless attacks on me simply because you don't like -my- response in particular. I'm not sure why but you seem to be coming after me unfairly. As far as the issue I had with ONE other person who happened to be a male, pay attention, I was DEFENDING myself every time. You don't know anything about me or my past relationships and it's not like you can even guess considering I'm not the one posting in a public forum *****ing about how I make bad decisions and then *****ing more when someone agrees with you!
For the record, just because I happen to disagree with someone in a specific topic doesn't mean I'm "coming after" them, or even holding a grudge about it. I'm voicing my opinion which, despite being a woman, I have a right to do. It doesn't make me a man hater, it makes me a human being with experiences and ideas. Get yer panties out of a wad, yo.
Maybe it's not what you're saying but how you say it? Sometimes the tone in your responses come across as harsh and judgmental. Maybe try smileys or something?
After all, we're all in the same boat here, and I like it better when things are friendly. Silly little faces help that. :flowerforyou: :happy:
In no way was I trying to be unfriendly, and it's unfortunate that people have decided to read emotionless words on a screen and assume that I'm a ***** simply because I didn't put a smiley at the end. I admit I have a tendency to be blunt and straight forward, but it's unfair that a man can do that and be considered an equal to Spock but the moment someone with boobs does she's attacked and it's assumed she's a *****. I do use emoticons, but I generally reserve them for extreme emotions. I think in words not feelings, heck I hardly even use acronyms!
On that note, I do appreciate the advice and consideration that there have been misunderstandings... so... :flowerforyou: (hahahaa)
Words aren't emotionless. They have context and tone. I truly don't understand why people think they can type something out on the internet and emotion can't be detected. Words are the basis of communication and facial expressions are not required to give them meaning. They are used to express thoughts, ideas, feelings and emotion. If you have been misinterpreted, that is your fault. Try choosing your words more carefully.0 -
You know what? I'm pretty sure I'm not getting anywhere. People either don't give a **** or they've somehow gathered that I'm bitter and hate men or something like that. Obviously folks' minds have been made up and bothering to respond anymore will be a waste of time. At this point all I'll be doing is repeating myself to the same people that refuse to actually read what I have to say. I don't really care what anyone thinks of me, but I am utterly fascinated and what people are willing to believe about me simply because I don't use emoticons enough in my posts. Peace out.0
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You know what? I'm pretty sure I'm not getting anywhere. People either don't give a **** or they've somehow gathered that I'm bitter and hate men or something like that. Obviously folks' minds have been made up and bothering to respond anymore will be a waste of time. At this point all I'll be doing is repeating myself to the same people that refuse to actually read what I have to say. I don't really care what anyone thinks of me, but I am utterly fascinated and what people are willing to believe about me simply because I don't use emoticons enough in my posts. Peace out.
I just love when people make assumptions and then back track rather than admitting their own faults.0 -
You know what? I'm pretty sure I'm not getting anywhere. People either don't give a **** or they've somehow gathered that I'm bitter and hate men or something like that. Obviously folks' minds have been made up and bothering to respond anymore will be a waste of time. At this point all I'll be doing is repeating myself to the same people that refuse to actually read what I have to say. I don't really care what anyone thinks of me, but I am utterly fascinated and what people are willing to believe about me simply because I don't use emoticons enough in my posts. Peace out.
I just love when people make assumptions and then back track rather than admitting their own faults.
Case. In. Point.0 -
You know what? I'm pretty sure I'm not getting anywhere. People either don't give a **** or they've somehow gathered that I'm bitter and hate men or something like that. Obviously folks' minds have been made up and bothering to respond anymore will be a waste of time. At this point all I'll be doing is repeating myself to the same people that refuse to actually read what I have to say. I don't really care what anyone thinks of me, but I am utterly fascinated and what people are willing to believe about me simply because I don't use emoticons enough in my posts. Peace out.
I just love when people make assumptions and then back track rather than admitting their own faults.
Case. In. Point.
You can double talk with the best of them, but it doesn't changed the fact that you made an *kitten* out of yourself and the OP. You know what they say when you *kitten*+U+ME! There is a reason that they say that. :flowerforyou:
*note that the 'emoticon' really didn't change the sarcastic tone of my message.0 -
You know what? I'm pretty sure I'm not getting anywhere. People either don't give a **** or they've somehow gathered that I'm bitter and hate men or something like that. Obviously folks' minds have been made up and bothering to respond anymore will be a waste of time. At this point all I'll be doing is repeating myself to the same people that refuse to actually read what I have to say. I don't really care what anyone thinks of me, but I am utterly fascinated and what people are willing to believe about me simply because I don't use emoticons enough in my posts. Peace out.
I just love when people make assumptions and then back track rather than admitting their own faults.
Case. In. Point.
You can double talk with the best of them, but it doesn't changed the fact that you made an *kitten* out of yourself and the OP. You know what they say when you *kitten*+U+ME! There is a reason that they say that. :flowerforyou:
*note that the 'emoticon' really didn't change the sarcastic tone of my message.
I have to agree here.. This isn't the first time you come off as more than a little rude and then try to make yourself look better.. Either own up to the way you said something or perhaps think about the way your writing something a little more carefully first.0
