What's considered cheating
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Can we all agree there's a difference between 'cheating' and doing something that your partner finds disrespectful/crosses their mental lines for appropriate behaviour in a relationship?
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It seems to me that some of the more extreme ideas of what constitutes 'cheating' are perhaps more a reflection of people's own insecurities than actual cheating...
Agree 100%.
--P0 -
How about the other side of the spectrum?It seems to me that some of the more extreme ideas of what constitutes 'cheating' are perhaps more a reflection of people's own insecurities than actual cheating...
Would you call two (very secure) people having an open relationship "cheats"? Are they cheating on each other?
Response: "No, it's not cheating it's an open relationship!!! Where the partners can have sex with as many people as they want, have oral sex around if they want to..."
Yet according to the "commonly accepted definition" of cheating, it is cheating. In front of a tribunal, they would probably be found technically guilty of cheating on each other.
But in reality it isn't cheating, as per the agreed definition of what the relationship is between the two partners. Thus the agreement between the two partners matters more than the "commonly accepted definition" to define what they are or aren't.
Keyword: agreement.
If two (very insecure) people are having a closed relationship and want to call the fact of spending a night at a girl's/guy's friend place "cheating" (as per their agreed definition), it's their problem.
Note that I actually agree with the "standard definition of cheating" for the most part, but I don't take it for granted - that's all I'm saying...
TL;DR: Words have a rough meaning. Ask your lawyer...0 -
so, to those of you who believe that a physical act has to take place in order for it to be cheating, what do you do with the relationship that starts as friends, either in real life or online. and progresses, turns into sexting, and cyber sex, and phone sex, but doesn't become physical......... it turns into " i love yous" and " i want to be with you." and then you're wondering where your spouse is??? they aren't home with you.
they shrug you off. they push you away. they " cannot do that tonight, i have a headache." and then out of the blue, they're walking away. they're leaving you. they don't love you anymore........ they need space, need to figure out what is going on in their heads, etc. and they walk right into the arms of the person that they have connected with on an emotional level.......
is that not cheating?
and yes, this happens. it happens almost every single day. it happens here, it happens on FB, it happens at work, in neighborhoods!!!! people falling in love and needing to be together, yet having never made out or had sex... sometimes having never touched!!!! i've watched it happen. i've heard of it happening. i've been told personal stories about it.
sooooooooooo............. yeah. i'm not gonna change my opinion of what is cheating. if you cannot tell your spouse, won't tell your spouse, need to hide your computer, password lock your phone, LIE about to whom you're talking to, or where you are going......... i'm in the school of thought, that this is cheating.......... emotional affairs lead to divorce more often than physical affairs do.0 -
How about the other side of the spectrum?It seems to me that some of the more extreme ideas of what constitutes 'cheating' are perhaps more a reflection of people's own insecurities than actual cheating...
Would you call two (very secure) people having an open relationship "cheats"? Are they cheating on each other?
Interesting question... I'm not sure if it's possible to ''cheat' if there is no presumption of fidelity to start with. Just about to shut down the computer and saw this. Will have a think and a response for you tomorrow!0 -
Am I going to see 'Spiderman' at the cinema with my best male friend because we're going to sit in the back row and make out, or are we going because we've been going to comic films together for 10 years, throwing popcorn at the screen every time there's a cheesy line (don't sit in front of us!) and then acting out the action sequences in absurd accents on the way home?!
I want to be your friend, you sound awesomefun 8D0 -
so, to those of you who believe that a physical act has to take place in order for it to be cheating, what do you do with the relationship that starts as friends, either in real life or online. and progresses, turns into sexting, and cyber sex, and phone sex, but doesn't become physical......... it turns into " i love yous" and " i want to be with you." and then you're wondering where your spouse is??? they aren't home with you.
they shrug you off. they push you away. they " cannot do that tonight, i have a headache." and then out of the blue, they're walking away. they're leaving you. they don't love you anymore........ they need space, need to figure out what is going on in their heads, etc. and they walk right into the arms of the person that they have connected with on an emotional level.......
is that not cheating?
and yes, this happens. it happens almost every single day. it happens here, it happens on FB, it happens at work, in neighborhoods!!!! people falling in love and needing to be together, yet having never made out or had sex... sometimes having never touched!!!! i've watched it happen. i've heard of it happening. i've been told personal stories about it.
sooooooooooo............. yeah. i'm not gonna change my opinion of what is cheating. if you cannot tell your spouse, won't tell your spouse, need to hide your computer, password lock your phone, LIE about to whom you're talking to, or where you are going......... i'm in the school of thought, that this is cheating.......... emotional affairs lead to divorce more often than physical affairs do.
I believe emotional affairs to be the worst kind of cheating. The 3rd party is playing a major role in distancing the couple (whether they realize this or not).0 -
Can we all agree there's a difference between 'cheating' and doing something that your partner finds disrespectful/crosses their mental lines for appropriate behaviour in a relationship?
...
It seems to me that some of the more extreme ideas of what constitutes 'cheating' are perhaps more a reflection of people's own insecurities than actual cheating...
Agreed -however I do believe there is physical as well as emotional cheating. Physical cheating is when you are more physically intimate (sex, bj, whatever) with another person than your S.O., emotional cheating is where you are more emotionally intimate with another person than your S.O. Of course early on in a relationship, it's not likely to be emotionally cheating yet because you haven't established the intimacy - but in marriage, you should have that intimacy.
As for living with the opposite sex. Yeah it's not quite as norm here in the U.S. to live with the opposite sex, but I've done so and slept over at many friends houses/places. Friends are friends. For my guy friends (since I'm straight), we both are just platonic. I generally sleep on a couch or spare bed and when their girlfriends (if they do have them) meet me they have never once had a problem, and I cease an action (ie sleeping at their place after the bar, cause it's closest) if the girlfriend has an issue with it even if my guy friend has no problem solely out of respect for her.
As for my own dates, if they have an issue with me having guy friends - then we probably shouldn't be dating. I like my friends and I value them more than a new relationship/date.0 -
This question is for discussion only. I am not, nor will I ever be in a situation like this. I just find it interesting. Why do married people cheat and why do they have a different definition of cheating? I've noticed a lot of married guys & women on this site take flirting just a bit too far but they see nothing wrong with it. Even in real life, if a married person is cheating (doing everything you would normally do in a relationship except actual sex) they don't see it as cheating. It's as though that one thing will make the difference. I believe emptional attatchment, excessive flirting, exchanging private photos via text or email, and oral sex is definitely cheating. I think most, if not all, of you would agree. Why don't they see this?
Vaginal penetration or oral copulation0
