Hot for Neighbor.
Options
Replies
-
I still think the nightgown thing is strange, but that aside, I say definitely ask her out or you will torture yourself until you do
0 -
Hmmm... the nightie is a bit odd.*** UPDATE ***
So, last night I went over Gilda's house to help her hang a bunch of paintings and hopefully get a little one-on-one time with her to talk. I arrived at her door and she answered in a really cute nightgown. My jaw literally dropped to the floor and I thought to myself, this is probably one of the most beautiful women I've ever spent time with. Of course, I maintained composure and completely played it cool. I gave her a big hug and she invited me inside.
Initially, I thought it was just going to be her and I, but turns out that her aunt, uncle, nephew, and two daughters were all thrown in the mix. Basically, the scene was a bunch of Spanish people talking, Spanish music playing in the background, and a crazy dog chasing the cat all over the house... and then the gringo who stood out like a sore thumb. She introduced me as her "friend and neighbor" who lives next door. For the next two hours, I helped her decide where each painting should go and then her nephew and I did all the hanging. As I left, she gave me a little hug and I told her to call me if she needs any other help. She did send me an extra text message about a half hour after I left saying "Thank you once again!". I thought that was pretty sweet.
Unfortunately, I didn't get the romantic vibe at all when I was over there. This might have been because there were a lot of other people around or maybe she just wasn't interested. I'm not going to lie, I was a little let down when she introduced me as a her "friend/neighbor", because I have the feeling that she'll just view me as the "good guy neighbor". And being the "good guy" has never gotten me anywhere with anyone.
She still has to hang some more paintings upstairs, so I offered to help her out with that. Do you think I've fallen into the dreaded friend-zone with Gilda? It's certainly not the end of the world, but I think she just views me as a friend.
I think my opinion is in the minority here, but I'll give it anyway because I'm like that. :bigsmile:
I think you are and have always been in the friend zone. She thinks you're too young for her and she's not interested. Your flirting and footsies from the first night made her want you to get the message that it's just friends. That's why she invited you over to help with stuff around the house while she knew she would have a house full of people and was very clear to introduce you as a friend and neighbor. She wants you to take the hint without confronting it directly because she's afraid that could make things awkward with her new neighbor.
Of course, all pure speculation on my part biased by my perspective.
I really don't agree with the advice about giving her the silent treatment. If someone did that to me, I would think they had the maturity level of an elementary school boy. It wouldn't bring out passion, just irritation and loss of respect. Sheesh! You're neighbors and if she's not interested in you romantically, does that mean you should be treating her rudely and play these games? I don't think she has shown any overt signs of interest to lead the OP on, so no reason to punish her.
I think you should try still being a good neighbor and giving her the help you've already offered. Otherwise, you'll look the kind of guy a woman can't rely on - someone who makes offers and promises, but doesn't follow through.Leave out the game playing and either should ask her out directly if you still want to (and risk getting shot down) or go on being her neighbor/friend, which could be a very good relationship that you might cherish even if it's not a romance... nothing wrong with that! You'd still be gaining something there.
0 -
Hmmm... the nightie is a bit odd.
I think my opinion is in the minority here, but I'll give it anyway because I'm like that. :bigsmile:
I think you are and have always been in the friend zone. She thinks you're too young for her and she's not interested. Your flirting and footsies from the first night made her want you to get the message that it's just friends. That's why she invited you over to help with stuff around the house while she knew she would have a house full of people and was very clear to introduce you as a friend and neighbor. She wants you to take the hint without confronting it directly because she's afraid that could make things awkward with her new neighbor.
Of course, all pure speculation on my part biased by my perspective.
I really don't agree with the advice about giving her the silent treatment. If someone did that to me, I would think they had the maturity level of an elementary school boy. It wouldn't bring out passion, just irritation and loss of respect. Sheesh! You're neighbors and if she's not interested in you romantically, does that mean you should be treating her rudely and play these games? I don't think she has shown any overt signs of interest to lead the OP on, so no reason to punish her.
I think you should try still being a good neighbor and giving her the help you've already offered. Otherwise, you'll look the kind of guy a woman can't rely on - someone who makes offers and promises, but doesn't follow through.Leave out the game playing and either should ask her out directly if you still want to (and risk getting shot down) or go on being her neighbor/friend, which could be a very good relationship that you might cherish even if it's not a romance... nothing wrong with that! You'd still be gaining something there.
Well, I'm definitely not afraid of getting shot down. Believe me. I've dated and put myself out there enough where I know if I do get shot down, there's still millions of cute girls out there. I'm definitely going to ask her out and see what she says. If she gives me the line "you're a great guy, but I think we should just be friends", I'll accept it and be the best neighbor I can be. If she's anxious to go out with me, then I'll just take the ball and run with it.
I agree with you that I'm not going to give her the silent treatment. Even if I do sense myself falling into the friend-zone and I have no way of escaping, I'll still help her out if she needs a hand with the house. Maybe she even has a cute, single friend..? I don't know where things will end up, so I'm still going to be a helpful gentleman.0 -
Even if I do sense myself falling into the friend-zone and I have no way of escaping, I'll still help her out if she needs a hand with the house. Maybe she even has a cute, single friend..? I don't know where things will end up, so I'm still going to be a helpful gentleman.
Aw, you're such a good guy, Mike ( I started to type NICE, but that has such a bad connotation, haha). Good for you for getting out there, and I still think there is possibility but give it time. Clearly, culturally, there is a lot of difference there so it should be an interesting ride, ha! Good Luck!0 -
Well, I'm definitely not afraid of getting shot down. Believe me. I've dated and put myself out there enough where I know if I do get shot down, there's still millions of cute girls out there. I'm definitely going to ask her out and see what she says. If she gives me the line "you're a great guy, but I think we should just be friends", I'll accept it and be the best neighbor I can be. If she's anxious to go out with me, then I'll just take the ball and run with it.
I agree with you that I'm not going to give her the silent treatment. Even if I do sense myself falling into the friend-zone and I have no way of escaping, I'll still help her out if she needs a hand with the house. Maybe she even has a cute, single friend..? I don't know where things will end up, so I'm still going to be a helpful gentleman.
Good for you! He who dares wins! I like your attitude, and let's not forget the value of a good neighbor and friend if that is the best that comes of asking. Good luck! 0 -
Hmmm... the nightie is a bit odd.
I think my opinion is in the minority here, but I'll give it anyway because I'm like that. :bigsmile:
I think you are and have always been in the friend zone. She thinks you're too young for her and she's not interested. Your flirting and footsies from the first night made her want you to get the message that it's just friends. That's why she invited you over to help with stuff around the house while she knew she would have a house full of people and was very clear to introduce you as a friend and neighbor. She wants you to take the hint without confronting it directly because she's afraid that could make things awkward with her new neighbor.
Of course, all pure speculation on my part biased by my perspective.
I really don't agree with the advice about giving her the silent treatment. If someone did that to me, I would think they had the maturity level of an elementary school boy. It wouldn't bring out passion, just irritation and loss of respect. Sheesh! You're neighbors and if she's not interested in you romantically, does that mean you should be treating her rudely and play these games? I don't think she has shown any overt signs of interest to lead the OP on, so no reason to punish her.
I think you should try still being a good neighbor and giving her the help you've already offered. Otherwise, you'll look the kind of guy a woman can't rely on - someone who makes offers and promises, but doesn't follow through.Leave out the game playing and either should ask her out directly if you still want to (and risk getting shot down) or go on being her neighbor/friend, which could be a very good relationship that you might cherish even if it's not a romance... nothing wrong with that! You'd still be gaining something there.
Well, I'm definitely not afraid of getting shot down. Believe me. I've dated and put myself out there enough where I know if I do get shot down, there's still millions of cute girls out there. I'm definitely going to ask her out and see what she says. If she gives me the line "you're a great guy, but I think we should just be friends", I'll accept it and be the best neighbor I can be. If she's anxious to go out with me, then I'll just take the ball and run with it.
I agree with you that I'm not going to give her the silent treatment. Even if I do sense myself falling into the friend-zone and I have no way of escaping, I'll still help her out if she needs a hand with the house. Maybe she even has a cute, single friend..? I don't know where things will end up, so I'm still going to be a helpful gentleman.
@Mike-Your course of action depends on your goals. I like the idea of laying the cards out there, being direct and asking for what you want. Be truly honest with yourself on if you are really okay with being friend zoned. If you are, fine. If not, an abrupt ceasing of communication usually will result in the least amount of mental and emotional anguish for you. The title of “Hot For Neighbor” to me always suggested an interest in something more than just platonic friendship.
@Mellie-I did not say that the silent treatment was a guarantee. Hence, that is why I used the word ‘might’. The silent treatment can be a powerful play if used sparingly and correctly. The silent treatment I suggested of being aloof and not being available for her could work in the sense that by being perceived as unavailable, he could become more perceived as desirable. Human beings often want what they perceive that they can’t have. Some of what you suggested (sans the direct ask out) makes him out as the nice guy, and being the nice guy usually leads to frustration for men. The guys who are confident in what they want, who are challenging and not always available to women get her attraction more frequently than not, and guys want a woman to be attracted. Good things happen when attraction is high!0 -
The silent treatment is what immature girls do to get their way and all it ever does is piss people off.
Mike, it was recommended that for a first meeting you help her out with stuff. If you go and do it a third time you will have solidified yourself as the helpful neighbor who *sigh* I guess is never going to ASK HER OUT.
She had her family over and introduced you as her friend/neighbor - that's what you ARE right now. Call her up and ask her if she has dinner plans and if not would like to go out with you!
Enough games! Quit *****footing around and be straightforward!
EDIT: Oh, for crying out loud. They're editing pussyfooting
0 -
The silent treatment is what immature girls do to get their way and all it ever does is piss people off.
Mike, it was recommended that for a first meeting you help her out with stuff. If you go and do it a third time you will have solidified yourself as the helpful neighbor who *sigh* I guess is never going to ASK HER OUT.
She had her family over and introduced you as her friend/neighbor - that's what you ARE right now. Call her up and ask her if she has dinner plans and if not would like to go out with you!
Enough games! Quit *****footing around and be straightforward!
EDIT: Oh, for crying out loud. They're editing pussyfooting
It is a shock but I actually agree with her.0 -
Mike I think you are doing okay so far, but you have to move at a speed comfortable for you both. She had no obligation to introduce you as anything different than a friend and neighbor so don't read into that too much. She clearly liked you in some capacity: friend, neighbor, handyman, or else wise. Just pay attention to the signs like someone said she might feel awkward rejecting you considering you're neighbors so be on the lookout for hints that will help you.0
-
Sorry Mike, I dont think she see's you as a potential date AT ALL at this point.
I'm in my 40's, and if I just moved into the area, I would have been doing exactly what she's doing now. That is, thinking of you as a cool, young, helpful neighbour.
Also, she has the children to think of. I really dont think she's just going to pick up with the first young dude that shows an interest in her. I think we've talked about your attraction to older women before, and the lack of trust older women have in younger men? We just think you're after a shag!!
Anyway, I think you should ask her out before you get too friendly, as then it will be awkward. And make it known its a date. Cos at this stage, I would go out to dinner with you as a friendly neighbour too! You could even say something like "I dont want to cause any awkwardness between us, but I would love to take you out on a date." She should be honest with you and either say a) yes, b) Its too awkward to date neighbours, lets remain friends or c) I've just split up from xyz and am enjoying my singledom/new home/new job right now.........
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
Sorry Mike, I dont think she see's you as a potential date AT ALL at this point.
I'm in my 40's, and if I just moved into the area, I would have been doing exactly what she's doing now. That is, thinking of you as a cool, young, helpful neighbour.
Anyway, I think you should ask her out before you get too friendly, as then it will be awkward. And make it known its a date. Cos at this stage, I would go out to dinner with you as a friendly neighbour too! You could even say something like "I dont want to cause any awkwardness between us, but I would love to take you out on a date." She should be honest with you and either say a) yes, b) Its too awkward to date neighbours, lets remain friends or c) I've just split up from xyz and am enjoying my singledom/new home/new job right now.........
Good luck :flowerforyou:
Agree completely Anna!!! Great way to ask her out0 -
Us 40+ gals are on the same page here, I see.Sorry Mike, I dont think she see's you as a potential date AT ALL at this point.
I'm in my 40's, and if I just moved into the area, I would have been doing exactly what she's doing now. That is, thinking of you as a cool, young, helpful neighbour.
Also, she has the children to think of. I really dont think she's just going to pick up with the first young dude that shows an interest in her. I think we've talked about your attraction to older women before, and the lack of trust older women have in younger men? We just think you're after a shag!!
Anyway, I think you should ask her out before you get too friendly, as then it will be awkward. And make it known its a date. Cos at this stage, I would go out to dinner with you as a friendly neighbour too! You could even say something like "I dont want to cause any awkwardness between us, but I would love to take you out on a date." She should be honest with you and either say a) yes, b) Its too awkward to date neighbours, lets remain friends or c) I've just split up from xyz and am enjoying my singledom/new home/new job right now.........
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
*** UPDATE ***
I think I've made a slight progress on Gilda tonight. I came home from the gym around 8:30 and I saw that I got a text from Gilda.. "Can you come over tonight and help me hang a couple more paintings " So naturally, I said "absolutely, I'll be there in 5".
I go over there and greet her with a nice hug, a kiss on the cheek, and a slight rub on her side. She smiles and invited me in. I thought it would have been just her and I, but it was her, myself, and Armondo (her nephew who lives with her). When I got there, we smalled talked for a few minutes then hung 4 of her paintings. Afterwards, the three of us were just b.s.'ing, having a beer in her kitchen, and having a nice time. I did sense a little subtle flirting going on between her and I. Just like a lot of hand contact when she would hand me the hammer or the beer. There was some skin contact when we were making sure the paintings were straight, etc. It was very minimal, but I'll take it at this stage.
Armondo went out for a smoke and this gave us a few minutes to talk a little more intimately. It was just a little more of the same, she opened up a bit more about her divorce, kids, family, and what she wants to accomplish over the next couple of months (mainly travel back to PR to visit family). She asked if I was on Facebook, I said yes, she whipped out her iPhone and added me right on the spot. (good sign?).
After about 2.5 hours at her house, I told her it was getting late and I had to leave. I know that her sister is coming into town this weekend and she'll be staying with a friend in Miami for the weekend. I told her to shoot me a text tomorrow and maybe when her sister comes into town, she can swing by for a glass of wine or two. She said yes. We ended the night the same way it started.. a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and a slight rub on her side.
I have the gut feeling that I made some progress with her tonight. I felt a more flirty vibe and a slight sexual tension in the air. I wasn't able to get her alone to ask her out, but I'm actually really enjoying the slow pace on how this is going. Honestly, the slow pace of things is making me want her more and more. We text every couple of days, we hang out, and we have really good conversations. She is the type of girl I can totally talk to all night (as cheesy as that sounds).
So, I'm expecting her and her sister to stop by tomorrow after work for a glass of wine. Then who knows..0 -
She asked if I was on Facebook, I said yes, she whipped out her iPhone and added me right on the spot. (good sign?).
This isn't a sign at all other then another way to contact you. Lately if I know someone and have talked to them more then twice one of us is usually adding the other to their facebook friend list. Girls and guys.
I am sorry to say but I really think you are being friendzoned/handymaned. She is only contacting you when she needs some help. Next time you see her you need to ask her on a date otherwise you will become like the cartoons in the "nice guys finish last"/Jenna Marbles topic.0 -
She asked if I was on Facebook, I said yes, she whipped out her iPhone and added me right on the spot. (good sign?).
This isn't a sign at all other then another way to contact you. Lately if I know someone and have talked to them more then twice one of us is usually adding the other to their facebook friend list. Girls and guys.
I am sorry to say but I really think you are being friendzoned/handymaned. She is only contacting you when she needs some help. Next time you see her you need to ask her on a date otherwise you will become like the cartoons in the "nice guys finish last"/Jenna Marbles topic.
That is the feeling I'm getting too. And lol to "getting handymanned."0 -
I felt a more flirty vibe and a slight sexual tension in the air.
As we've said on another thread, women flirt WITHOUT intent!! I've been flirty with my young neighbour for years!!! We blow kisses at each other and all sorts......lol :happy:
ASK HER ON A DATE!! :flowerforyou:0 -
ASK HER ON A DATE!! :flowerforyou:
This. Better yet, run your fingers through her hair and if she's receptive to that, kiss her! That should clear up uncertainties.0 -
You need to be alone with her to ask her out? The PERFECT time would have been at the end of the night after you said you had to go. She is now probably thinking you aren't into her and you will soon get friendzoned. Just mention how there's a new restaurant in town that you've been wanting to check out and see if she wants to go with you. Or next time instead of kissing her on the cheek, kiss her on the lips. If she turns her head, she's not into you like that, and you can move on. Grow some cajones!0
-
How you see yourself.....
How she sees you.....
End result....
0 -
And I thought I read too much into things. She seems like the flirty type, like me and I can say if she is only having you come over to hang paintings, you are being put in a friend zone.
The only way to correct this would be to stop doing this for her and ASK her out otherwise you will never get what you want and just pine over her when she starts dating the guy that actually asked her out.
Didn't someone post that Jenna Marbles blog yesterday about Nice guys do not finish last- follow that advice.0
