BBW fetishes weird or not?

erinxo13

Am I the only one that is totally creeped out by BBW fetishes? No offence to anyone who has one but I've recently got a few messages on dating websites and they have openly been like i LOVE BIGGER WOMEN!!!!! BBW!!! SSBW!!!!!! LOVE THOSE CURVES!!!!! and like...it creeps me out? I'm not sure how to even respond it and I don't really know how to say how I feel besides that it freaks me out. I have never hid on dating websites that I'm a bigger girl, and I have only really tried dating websites a few times (it just ends in lower self esteem and feeling worse lol) and recently just forgot I had accounts until the last few days where I've received two messages from two different guys who are all BBW fetish-y.

Am I the only one that feels this way? Lol. I guess it is kind of a double standard when you think about it but... I don't know!

DMZ_1

I prefer fit, feminine women.

Every one has different preferences.

shammxo

To each their own.

Now FOOT fetishes are WEIRD. Normal appreciation for feet is fine, but the guys who ask for pictures, wanna put their mouths on them.... No.

Carl01

Please don`t take this wrong but it really is more of a thing in your mind then elsewhere.
There are men who find larger women (and what exact definition that is depends on an individual) desirable so accept it as real and honest.

My guess is that you don`t like yourself which happens so you can`t believe anyone could unless there is something wrong with them.
It justifies your feelings in your mind but is not at all productive.

Work to where you want to be and forget about the rest.

christine24t

Please don`t take this wrong but it really is more of a thing in your mind then elsewhere.
There are men who find larger women (and what exact definition that is depends on an individual) desirable so accept it as real and honest.

This I agree with.

BUT...if a guy says in his profile stuff like "I love BBW!" and things like that, he probably is a little too obsessed. It is fine to like what you like, but you shouldn't plaster it all over your profile, and that includes wanting other characteristics in a person.There's a limit. And writing things like, "I am open to women of all shapes and sizes," is a classier way than writing "BBW are my favorite!"

erinxo13

Please don`t take this wrong but it really is more of a thing in your mind then elsewhere.
There are men who find larger women (and what exact definition that is depends on an individual) desirable so accept it as real and honest.

This I agree with.

BUT...if a guy says in his profile stuff like "I love BBW!" and things like that, he probably is a little too obessessed. It is fine to like what you like, but you shouldn't plaster it all over your profile, and that includes wanting other uncharacteristic in a person.There's a limit. And writing things like, "I am open to women of all shapes and sizes," is a classier way than writing "BBW are my favorite!"

I think tchristine24 was trying to say what I originally wanted to, I think that's why I find it so creepy - that they are advertising it. I guess.

Carl01

Please don`t take this wrong but it really is more of a thing in your mind then elsewhere.
There are men who find larger women (and what exact definition that is depends on an individual) desirable so accept it as real and honest.

This I agree with.

BUT...if a guy says in his profile stuff like "I love BBW!" and things like that, he probably is a little too obessessed. It is fine to like what you like, but you shouldn't plaster it all over your profile, and that includes wanting other uncharacteristic in a person.There's a limit. And writing things like, "I am open to women of all shapes and sizes," is a classier way than writing "BBW are my favorite!"

I think tchristine24 was trying to say what I originally wanted to, I think that's why I find it so creepy - that they are advertising it. I guess.

Do you either state outright or have a very clear ideal of a male body type in your mind?
If so then ask yourself how yours is any different then anothers.

Again,not being mean but just pointing out that I suspect your personal dislike of you is coloring your mind regarding what a guy could possibly accept or like.

That is a foolish and perhaps even dangerous endeavor if I am correct.

Danielle_2013

Oh there are the weird fetish ones out there.. and those that advertise in capitals.. and those that are just "trying it out" as a novelty..they all exist. I think they put it out there because it draws attention and in past has not been as common to admit/declare so openly.
However.. there are also quality men out there also who happen to be attracted to and indeed, actually prefer a larger sized woman. It isn't a self-esteem thing and for others to imply that they have a fetish (something outside normal preferences) is insulting and demeaning to both the men and the sexy women they are attracted to.

christine24t

Please don`t take this wrong but it really is more of a thing in your mind then elsewhere.
There are men who find larger women (and what exact definition that is depends on an individual) desirable so accept it as real and honest.

This I agree with.

BUT...if a guy says in his profile stuff like "I love BBW!" and things like that, he probably is a little too obessessed. It is fine to like what you like, but you shouldn't plaster it all over your profile, and that includes wanting other uncharacteristic in a person.There's a limit. And writing things like, "I am open to women of all shapes and sizes," is a classier way than writing "BBW are my favorite!"

I think tchristine24 was trying to say what I originally wanted to, I think that's why I find it so creepy - that they are advertising it. I guess.

Do you either state outright or have a very clear ideal of a male body type in your mind?
If so then ask yourself how yours is any different then anothers.

Again,not being mean but just pointing out that I suspect your personal dislike of you is coloring your mind regarding what a guy could possibly accept or like.

That is a foolish and perhaps even dangerous endeavor if I am correct.

My guess is that you don`t like yourself which happens so you can`t believe anyone could unless there is something wrong with them.
It justifies your feelings in your mind but is not at all productive.

Liking bigger women is fine. It's fine that it's your type. But if you put that all over your profile "I love bigger women" or "BBW 4 LIFE!" it shows that for you, the body type is all there is. It should only be a fraction of the attraction. I would be creeped out if a guy had a BBW fetish. But it's not creepy if he said, "you know what? i'm generally attracted to bigger women." It's all about the approach. t I don't write in my profile "Only men over 200 lbs" or "Only men shorter than 5'8." It's one thing to have a type, but it's another to plaster that type all over your profile and make that all that your profile is about, and why do you have to use terminology like BBW?

Let's say someone likes muscular women. They shouldn't write "I love female Hulks" all over their profile. But it's fine to write, "Generally, I am attracted to muscular women." I might not, but if you want to, I get it.

The point I am trying to make is that it shouldn't be all about whether the girl is BBW (which is a term I absolutely hate) or thin or black or white. It should be about the individual.

Carl01

Now wait a minute...I know this is a philosophical question more then anything in that the analogy won`t be accepted but why is it okay for the vast majority of women to have a height requirement whether expressed or not.
From past discussions here and elsewhere I would say at least 70% of ladies close the door on any guy shorter then either them or some ideal they have.

Their right but somehow not okay that a guy may like a body type outside what is self stereotyped as desirable?
You all make this too hard.

christine24t

Now wait a minute...I know this is a philosophical question more then anything in that the analogy won`t be accepted but why is it okay for the vast majority of women to have a height requirement whether expressed or not.
From past discussions here and elsewhere I would say at least 70% of ladies close the door on any guy shorter then either them or some ideal they have.

Their right but somehow not okay that a guy may like a body type outside what is self stereotyped as desirable?
You all make this too hard.

It's one thing to have that idea in your head, and it's another one to act b!tchy and put that in your profile and make it the only thing you care about when scoping out people. Does that make sense? It can have an impact, but it shouldn't be the only thing that is cared about. And no one should use disrespect terms like "BBW" or "shrimp (for a shorter guy)."

Plenty of girls disregard the height requirement if they meet a guy they really like that is an inch shorter than them. And also, most girls don't post that in their profile, and if they do, that's rude and that's not a girl you want to date. As a tall girl, I feel awkward with shorter men. But if I met a shorter man that I really did like, it wouldn't be an automatic deal breaker. I've had crushes in men my height or a tad bit shorter before.

NCTravellingGirl

I have another view on the same opinion as Erin, Carl. I absolutely can't handle men who want a woman JUST because she's larger. My issue with it is because I don't WANT to stay a larger woman. If that's what attracts him, how will he feel about me if i lose weight? Now if a woman is larger and has no interest in changing it, then fine, she can indulge that... but NOT ME!

I do recognize though that men liking larger women is no different than me loving men who are built yet have a little belly from enjoying food or alcohol. I find it adorable and just want to rub their bellies, haha.... so I get it. But I wish we could all just meet someone and worry about their personality.... OK, dream over, haha!

La_Amazona

To me it's a preference, not a fetish.

I prefer white guys. I'm not racist but that's my preference. I never put that in my profile (I read one guys profile saying he only dated within his race and it sounded tacky) but that's what I usually went after. I also prefer lean tall guys, again, it's a preference.

To me posting "I prefer BBW" is tacky.

DMZ_1

To me posting "I prefer BBW" is tacky.

Agree.

christine24t

I absolutely can't handle men who want a woman JUST because she's larger.

Exactly! I don't want any guy JUST because he's X or Y. It's a small factor in a very large pool of factors.

JanieJack

Personally, I prefer when guys are upfront about what type they find attractive. Saves those of us who aren't blonde/blue eyed a lot of time.

JanieJack

I prefer white guys. I'm not racist but that's my preference. I never put that in my profile (I read one guys profile saying he only dated within his race and it sounded tacky) but that's what I usually went after.

Gang, help me understand... why is it ok to *do* something, but not ok to *say* you do something? For example, I tend to like white/lighter guys myself. And many want to date a woman with color, but few actually want to *marry* one or take one home to mom. I wish it weren't considered so tacky for them to just come out and say so. I wouldn't be offended at the guy who says he only dates within his race because now I know not to bother winking at him or looking at his pictures wondering if he'll be interested in me.

I guess what I'm saying is... why pretend to like people of all sizes/colors when most of us don't?

erinxo13

I think the problem here is fetish vs. preference. To me, when I see someone posting BBW!!! or whatever, it sounds like a fetish, not a preference...but as Christine said up there, its a lot different saying "I generally prefer larger women" than saying "BBW 4 EVER!". I don't think anyone is not allowed to have their personal preference and that there is someone for everyone out there but I feel like posting it in the BBW!!! way is just kind of weird compared to saying I prefer women that are larger or something similar to that. Obviously everyone is going to have their own preference but saying it like straight out like that, in that particular way, just sounds weird.

julesboots

In agreement that someone contacting you with a big "I love BBW" banner to you in the message is tacky, but I also wonder if some guys have experienced bigger women not believing that bigger was actually their preference? And it takes some convincing?

When I met my ex husband I was 5'5' and 110 lbs.- basically a stick. He's still comparatively thin. He pursued me for 2 years at that weight, and I always assumed super thin was his deal. Not so, apparently now that he's on his own. He's still thin, and he's told me that he often has to convince women that he actually does like their body type, and that it's not some kind of weird exploitative fetish. He's kinda verbally adept, so "I love BBW" isn't what he says, but he's had to make that point.

I also think the idea above about poor self image not aligning with someone being physically into you is something to consider.

Edit: After reading above OP post it might be less a self image issue more a language issue, but dunno- self image is always entangled everywhere.

christine24t

Obviously everyone is going to have their own preference but saying it like straight out like that, in that particular way, just sounds weird.

That's the thing. I think it's fine to feel what you want to feel, but it's another to post it out there and be rude and discount a person out that is reading your profile because they don't fit your superficial description of what you want. I would be offended if I saw a profile that says, "Don't message me if you're overweight" or "Don't bother contacting me if you're not Asian." It's just one of those things that shows that you think looks are the number one thing when they're not. It's one thing to feel that way about experiences in every day life where you get to know the person naturally, but online, you could be discounting a really awesome person that might have messaged you because on your profile you said, "Men over 6 feet please." You might have liked them in real life had you considered their personality before their looks.

La_Amazona

I prefer white guys. I'm not racist but that's my preference. I never put that in my profile (I read one guys profile saying he only dated within his race and it sounded tacky) but that's what I usually went after.

Gang, help me understand... why is it ok to *do* something, but not ok to *say* you do something? For example, I tend to like white/lighter guys myself. And many want to date a woman with color, but few actually want to *marry* one or take one home to mom. I wish it weren't considered so tacky for them to just come out and say so. I wouldn't be offended at the guy who says he only dates within his race because now I know not to bother winking at him or looking at his pictures wondering if he'll be interested in me.

I guess what I'm saying is... why pretend to like people of all sizes/colors when most of us don't?

I don't pretend. I have told both Hispanic and African american men that I had a preference. Some were offended, some thought it was fine, and some thought they could change me if I "tried" them.

All of my white serious Bfs brought me home to mom. I guess it would depend on the guy.

JanieJack

All of my white serious Bfs brought me home to mom. I guess it would depend on the guy.

Yeah, but you're not black. They want to bring me home, too, when they think I'm Latina or Indian. I've had many (not all) guys do a 180 when they find out I'm black. I had one guy beg me to just say I was Hispanic since I don't truly know my heritage and could possibly be. When I wouldn't, because the dad who raised me is black, it was over.

And I was really more commenting on the part where you said the guys profile stated he only dated in his race. I don't think that's tacky. I look at him the same as I look at the guy who said up front he wanted very thin girls only: taking themselves out of the running so I don't have to waste time or thought on them.

La_Amazona

Obviously everyone is going to have their own preference but saying it like straight out like that, in that particular way, just sounds weird.

That's the thing. I think it's fine to feel what you want to feel, but it's another to post it out there and be rude and discount a person out that is reading your profile because they don't fit your superficial description of what you want. I would be offended if I saw a profile that says, "Don't message me if you're overweight" or "Don't bother contacting me if you're not Asian." It's just one of those things that shows that you think looks are the number one thing when they're not. It's one thing to feel that way, but you could be discounting a really awesome person that might have messaged you because on your profile you said, "Men over 6 feet please."

I feel completely opposite. I'm for online dating. It's been good to me.

How I feel though is you have 1 shot with each guy (or gal) to make that good 1st impression. Usually you look once and if nothing stood out, you won't look again.

I rather put it all out there (without sounding tacky) for them to see and I prefer profiles like that as well. This last time I even put my jean size since the whole body type thing was confusing.

So while I wouldn't put my specific preferences on there like "white guys", I do appreciate preferences specified in a classy way.

La_Amazona

All of my white serious Bfs brought me home to mom. I guess it would depend on the guy.

Yeah, but you're not black. They want to bring me home, too, when they think I'm Latina or Indian. I've had many (not all) guys do a 180 when they find out I'm black. I had one guy beg me to just say I was Hispanic since I don't truly know my heritage and could possibly be. When I wouldn't, because the dad who raised me is black, it was over.

And I was really more commenting on the part where you said the guys profile stated he only dated in his race. I don't think that's tacky. I look at him the same as I look at the guy who said up front he wanted very thin girls only: taking themselves out of the running so I don't have to waste time or thought on them.

This is why I love dating open minded men!! My last bf was close minded and that should have been a hint.
Current guy hasn't dated a Hispanic girl before me but is very open minded in general. I definitely don't feel like race is an "issue" like I felt it at times with ex.

julesboots

I prefer white guys. I'm not racist but that's my preference. I never put that in my profile (I read one guys profile saying he only dated within his race and it sounded tacky) but that's what I usually went after.

Gang, help me understand... why is it ok to *do* something, but not ok to *say* you do something? For example, I tend to like white/lighter guys myself. And many want to date a woman with color, but few actually want to *marry* one or take one home to mom. I wish it weren't considered so tacky for them to just come out and say so. I wouldn't be offended at the guy who says he only dates within his race because now I know not to bother winking at him or looking at his pictures wondering if he'll be interested in me.

I guess what I'm saying is... why pretend to like people of all sizes/colors when most of us don't?

I think the disconnect between people being willing to do something, but not say something on the issue of stating racial preferences is just because it can imply racism. Not that it is racism (however you want to define that in this context) because a dating preference isn't necessarily that. It's just who you're attracted to.

But because there's a dominant culture and outsider cultures (not meaning this in an offensive way- just that there's a group with a lot power and others with less power) that makes it uncomfortable and tied into racism.

I'd run from a white guy saying he'd only date white girls because it's dominant culture centric. I'd probably be less bugged out if a black or Hispanic guy stated a preference for a same race match because there's a cultural component that someone might not understand? Not sure.

A lot of Jewish guys where I live state a Jewish preference (I'm half jewish and jewish guys spot it a mile away), and it's not about religion-it's usually about culture. Which I sort of understand, but it makes me not want to go out with them just because it sounds picky. Which is me being picky.

JanieJack

A lot of Jewish guys where I live state a Jewish preference (I'm half jewish and jewish guys spot it a mile away), and it's not about religion-it's usually about culture. Which I sort of understand, but it makes me not want to go out with them just because it sounds picky. Which is me being picky.

I can totally understand the cultural aspect. There was a guy at one of my conferences I wrote about in this forum who was all into me until he found out I wasn't Puerto Rican. I mean, he didn't even pretend to still be polite and interested. When I found out he was from Puerto Rico, I didn't take it so hard because I knew he was looking for someone who understood his culture and way of life.

Prahasaurus

Yeah, but you're not black. They want to bring me home, too, when they think I'm Latina or Indian. I've had many (not all) guys do a 180 when they find out I'm black. I had one guy beg me to just say I was Hispanic since I don't truly know my heritage and could possibly be. When I wouldn't, because the dad who raised me is black, it was over.

Well, I'm not black, but if I dated a black girl (disclosure: I've gone out with two black women), I certainly wouldn't have an issue introducing her to my family. And if she had an issue with introducing me to her family, that would probably be the end of that relationship (although I suppose it would depend a bit on why). When I was dating on-line, I always ignored any profile that said she was only interested in "white" guys, or whatever. It just strikes me as wrong. I have no issue with a preference for white guys, or black guys, or Asian men, whatever, but categorically eliminating a large group of people is just wrong.

As to the original issue of a fat "fetish," I suppose it depends on the definition of fetish. I agree with the fetish vs. preference distinction. Defining your attraction to a person solely on the basis of one attribute is creepy, no matter what the attribute. It's perfectly healthy to say you prefer curvy ladies, or tall men, or extreme intelligence. It's downright weird to me to say you will only date overweight women, or whatever. Who wants to be defined as desirable based on one thing? Especially when it carries a sexual connotation ("I'm sexually excited by _____, ergo, I like you."). And anyone who highlights a fetish as a key requirement for dating is not the kind of person I would want to date.

--P

Carl01

I have another view on the same opinion as Erin, Carl. I absolutely can't handle men who want a woman JUST because she's larger. My issue with it is because I don't WANT to stay a larger woman. If that's what attracts him, how will he feel about me if i lose weight? Now if a woman is larger and has no interest in changing it, then fine, she can indulge that... but NOT ME!

I do recognize though that men liking larger women is no different than me loving men who are built yet have a little belly from enjoying food or alcohol. I find it adorable and just want to rub their bellies, haha.... so I get it. But I wish we could all just meet someone and worry about their personality.... OK, dream over, haha!

I guess that is sort of my point,you don`t want to be considered that so if that is what a guy wants then the two of you are already moving apart so why go on any farther.

Or to make another analogy,last week there was a thread where a guy showed up missing all his teeth.
The person posting it said that ended any possibility of attraction on the spot and pretty much everyone agreed with it.
In light of that would putting on a profile "Must have good/complete teeth" be tacky?
Maybe but also honest and at least could save either party from wasting their time with each other.

Same again with height,if a lady says she prefers taller men that leaves open to speculation what taller is and also the possibility of her accepting someone who is average or under.
If the reality is that upon meeting me at 5'8" automatically shuts the door then both of us have pursued a losing endeavor.

So back to the original issue...if that is what a guy wants,end of discussion then move on if it doesn`t fit ones desires for themselves.
He is the one limiting his dating pool and must deal with the consequences.
Whether his desire is something "weird" or not is a personal judgment for all to make but is of no matter,it is his (or her as the case may be) life,at least they are being honest and upfront.

Is it better to be vague and then right off the bat or somewhere down the road have both parties disappointed or hurt?

rml_16

Am I the only one that is totally creeped out by BBW fetishes? No offence to anyone who has one but I've recently got a few messages on dating websites and they have openly been like i LOVE BIGGER WOMEN!!!!! BBW!!! SSBW!!!!!! LOVE THOSE CURVES!!!!! and like...it creeps me out? I'm not sure how to even respond it and I don't really know how to say how I feel besides that it freaks me out. I have never hid on dating websites that I'm a bigger girl, and I have only really tried dating websites a few times (it just ends in lower self esteem and feeling worse lol) and recently just forgot I had accounts until the last few days where I've received two messages from two different guys who are all BBW fetish-y.

Am I the only one that feels this way? Lol. I guess it is kind of a double standard when you think about it but... I don't know!

There's a HUGE difference between being attracted to larger women and having a fetish for them. All fetishes are creepy. I don't think it's any more creepy, though, for a man to be attracted to larger women than it is for a man to be attracted to thinner women.

Randomdude99

Creeps are going to creep no matter what they're into.

kerrymh

I think I dated one man like this and he was messed in the head, had major control issues and was cheating on a million women at once I found out after I dumped him.
He wanted me to get bigger..he wanted to feed me, he wanted me to sit on him (wtf??)
He thought he was hot stuff because he was reasonably attractive and had a decent job and fit so he figured he was a god to all the ssBBW women out there..he was genuinely shocked when I ended it with him...but I could see through his ego and his games and I had self esteem enough to know he was bad news and I didn't want any of it. He had never been dumped and would continually contact me after.

I want to be wanted for who I am..I don't want someone to freak if I gain 10lbs or lose 10lbs...but I also want my partner to care enough about me to want me to be healthy and live a long fulfilling life..and my previous lifestyle did not support that.

I think for anyone with a SSBBW fetish..where they want to feed the woman..its a sign that they are codependent and want to control and be needed. I don't want to be controled or treated like a child. I want someone mentally healthy.