BBW fetishes weird or not?
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All of my white serious Bfs brought me home to mom. I guess it would depend on the guy.
Yeah, but you're not black. They want to bring me home, too, when they think I'm Latina or Indian. I've had many (not all) guys do a 180 when they find out I'm black. I had one guy beg me to just say I was Hispanic since I don't truly know my heritage and could possibly be. When I wouldn't, because the dad who raised me is black, it was over.
And I was really more commenting on the part where you said the guys profile stated he only dated in his race. I don't think that's tacky. I look at him the same as I look at the guy who said up front he wanted very thin girls only: taking themselves out of the running so I don't have to waste time or thought on them.0 -
Obviously everyone is going to have their own preference but saying it like straight out like that, in that particular way, just sounds weird.
That's the thing. I think it's fine to feel what you want to feel, but it's another to post it out there and be rude and discount a person out that is reading your profile because they don't fit your superficial description of what you want. I would be offended if I saw a profile that says, "Don't message me if you're overweight" or "Don't bother contacting me if you're not Asian." It's just one of those things that shows that you think looks are the number one thing when they're not. It's one thing to feel that way, but you could be discounting a really awesome person that might have messaged you because on your profile you said, "Men over 6 feet please."
I feel completely opposite. I'm for online dating. It's been good to me.
How I feel though is you have 1 shot with each guy (or gal) to make that good 1st impression. Usually you look once and if nothing stood out, you won't look again.
I rather put it all out there (without sounding tacky) for them to see and I prefer profiles like that as well. This last time I even put my jean size since the whole body type thing was confusing.
So while I wouldn't put my specific preferences on there like "white guys", I do appreciate preferences specified in a classy way.0 -
All of my white serious Bfs brought me home to mom. I guess it would depend on the guy.
Yeah, but you're not black. They want to bring me home, too, when they think I'm Latina or Indian. I've had many (not all) guys do a 180 when they find out I'm black. I had one guy beg me to just say I was Hispanic since I don't truly know my heritage and could possibly be. When I wouldn't, because the dad who raised me is black, it was over.
And I was really more commenting on the part where you said the guys profile stated he only dated in his race. I don't think that's tacky. I look at him the same as I look at the guy who said up front he wanted very thin girls only: taking themselves out of the running so I don't have to waste time or thought on them.
This is why I love dating open minded men!! My last bf was close minded and that should have been a hint.
Current guy hasn't dated a Hispanic girl before me but is very open minded in general. I definitely don't feel like race is an "issue" like I felt it at times with ex.0 -
I prefer white guys. I'm not racist but that's my preference. I never put that in my profile (I read one guys profile saying he only dated within his race and it sounded tacky) but that's what I usually went after.
Gang, help me understand... why is it ok to *do* something, but not ok to *say* you do something? For example, I tend to like white/lighter guys myself. And many want to date a woman with color, but few actually want to *marry* one or take one home to mom. I wish it weren't considered so tacky for them to just come out and say so. I wouldn't be offended at the guy who says he only dates within his race because now I know not to bother winking at him or looking at his pictures wondering if he'll be interested in me.
I guess what I'm saying is... why pretend to like people of all sizes/colors when most of us don't?
I think the disconnect between people being willing to do something, but not say something on the issue of stating racial preferences is just because it can imply racism. Not that it is racism (however you want to define that in this context) because a dating preference isn't necessarily that. It's just who you're attracted to.
But because there's a dominant culture and outsider cultures (not meaning this in an offensive way- just that there's a group with a lot power and others with less power) that makes it uncomfortable and tied into racism.
I'd run from a white guy saying he'd only date white girls because it's dominant culture centric. I'd probably be less bugged out if a black or Hispanic guy stated a preference for a same race match because there's a cultural component that someone might not understand? Not sure.
A lot of Jewish guys where I live state a Jewish preference (I'm half jewish and jewish guys spot it a mile away), and it's not about religion-it's usually about culture. Which I sort of understand, but it makes me not want to go out with them just because it sounds picky. Which is me being picky.0 -
A lot of Jewish guys where I live state a Jewish preference (I'm half jewish and jewish guys spot it a mile away), and it's not about religion-it's usually about culture. Which I sort of understand, but it makes me not want to go out with them just because it sounds picky. Which is me being picky.
I can totally understand the cultural aspect. There was a guy at one of my conferences I wrote about in this forum who was all into me until he found out I wasn't Puerto Rican. I mean, he didn't even pretend to still be polite and interested. When I found out he was from Puerto Rico, I didn't take it so hard because I knew he was looking for someone who understood his culture and way of life.0 -
Yeah, but you're not black. They want to bring me home, too, when they think I'm Latina or Indian. I've had many (not all) guys do a 180 when they find out I'm black. I had one guy beg me to just say I was Hispanic since I don't truly know my heritage and could possibly be. When I wouldn't, because the dad who raised me is black, it was over.
Well, I'm not black, but if I dated a black girl (disclosure: I've gone out with two black women), I certainly wouldn't have an issue introducing her to my family. And if she had an issue with introducing me to her family, that would probably be the end of that relationship (although I suppose it would depend a bit on why). When I was dating on-line, I always ignored any profile that said she was only interested in "white" guys, or whatever. It just strikes me as wrong. I have no issue with a preference for white guys, or black guys, or Asian men, whatever, but categorically eliminating a large group of people is just wrong.
As to the original issue of a fat "fetish," I suppose it depends on the definition of fetish. I agree with the fetish vs. preference distinction. Defining your attraction to a person solely on the basis of one attribute is creepy, no matter what the attribute. It's perfectly healthy to say you prefer curvy ladies, or tall men, or extreme intelligence. It's downright weird to me to say you will only date overweight women, or whatever. Who wants to be defined as desirable based on one thing? Especially when it carries a sexual connotation ("I'm sexually excited by _____, ergo, I like you."). And anyone who highlights a fetish as a key requirement for dating is not the kind of person I would want to date.
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I have another view on the same opinion as Erin, Carl. I absolutely can't handle men who want a woman JUST because she's larger. My issue with it is because I don't WANT to stay a larger woman. If that's what attracts him, how will he feel about me if i lose weight? Now if a woman is larger and has no interest in changing it, then fine, she can indulge that... but NOT ME!
I do recognize though that men liking larger women is no different than me loving men who are built yet have a little belly from enjoying food or alcohol. I find it adorable and just want to rub their bellies, haha.... so I get it. But I wish we could all just meet someone and worry about their personality.... OK, dream over, haha!
I guess that is sort of my point,you don`t want to be considered that so if that is what a guy wants then the two of you are already moving apart so why go on any farther.
Or to make another analogy,last week there was a thread where a guy showed up missing all his teeth.
The person posting it said that ended any possibility of attraction on the spot and pretty much everyone agreed with it.
In light of that would putting on a profile "Must have good/complete teeth" be tacky?
Maybe but also honest and at least could save either party from wasting their time with each other.
Same again with height,if a lady says she prefers taller men that leaves open to speculation what taller is and also the possibility of her accepting someone who is average or under.
If the reality is that upon meeting me at 5'8" automatically shuts the door then both of us have pursued a losing endeavor.
So back to the original issue...if that is what a guy wants,end of discussion then move on if it doesn`t fit ones desires for themselves.
He is the one limiting his dating pool and must deal with the consequences.
Whether his desire is something "weird" or not is a personal judgment for all to make but is of no matter,it is his (or her as the case may be) life,at least they are being honest and upfront.
Is it better to be vague and then right off the bat or somewhere down the road have both parties disappointed or hurt?0 -
Am I the only one that is totally creeped out by BBW fetishes? No offence to anyone who has one but I've recently got a few messages on dating websites and they have openly been like i LOVE BIGGER WOMEN!!!!! BBW!!! SSBW!!!!!! LOVE THOSE CURVES!!!!! and like...it creeps me out? I'm not sure how to even respond it and I don't really know how to say how I feel besides that it freaks me out. I have never hid on dating websites that I'm a bigger girl, and I have only really tried dating websites a few times (it just ends in lower self esteem and feeling worse lol) and recently just forgot I had accounts until the last few days where I've received two messages from two different guys who are all BBW fetish-y.
Am I the only one that feels this way? Lol. I guess it is kind of a double standard when you think about it but... I don't know!
There's a HUGE difference between being attracted to larger women and having a fetish for them. All fetishes are creepy. I don't think it's any more creepy, though, for a man to be attracted to larger women than it is for a man to be attracted to thinner women.0 -
Creeps are going to creep no matter what they're into.0
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I think I dated one man like this and he was messed in the head, had major control issues and was cheating on a million women at once I found out after I dumped him.
He wanted me to get bigger..he wanted to feed me, he wanted me to sit on him (wtf??)
He thought he was hot stuff because he was reasonably attractive and had a decent job and fit so he figured he was a god to all the ssBBW women out there..he was genuinely shocked when I ended it with him...but I could see through his ego and his games and I had self esteem enough to know he was bad news and I didn't want any of it. He had never been dumped and would continually contact me after.
I want to be wanted for who I am..I don't want someone to freak if I gain 10lbs or lose 10lbs...but I also want my partner to care enough about me to want me to be healthy and live a long fulfilling life..and my previous lifestyle did not support that.
I think for anyone with a SSBBW fetish..where they want to feed the woman..its a sign that they are codependent and want to control and be needed. I don't want to be controled or treated like a child. I want someone mentally healthy.0 -
HUGE difference :laugh: (pun)There's a HUGE difference between being attracted to larger women and having a fetish for them.
I personally don't see a "huge" difference, it seems to me that the lines aren't drawn that clearly on the contrary.
According to my dictionary, the definition of fetish is:
"A form of sexual desire in which gratification depends to an abnormal degree on some object or item of clothing or part of the body"
After reading the article on Wikipedia for fat fetishism, it would seem that the basic "fetishism" i.e. fat admiration/attraction isn't necessarily considered a fetish by everyone.
I guess compared to a norm/majority of people who like thinner women, it's a fetish indeed.
The only time when there clearly is a "fat related" fetish is when the "fat admirer" start getting involved in other practices (detailed in the wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fat_fetishism).
All in all, I'm none the wiser. :laugh:
No.All fetishes are creepy.0 -
All fetishes are creepy.
Puts away the whips and chains.0 -
Never mind.0
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It's downright weird to me to say you will only date overweight women, or whatever. Who wants to be defined as desirable based on one thing?
And yet, if we go back to the other thread... 90% of the time we are instantly judged as desirable by the opposite sex strictly by our looks.0 -
It's downright weird to me to say you will only date overweight women, or whatever. Who wants to be defined as desirable based on one thing?
And yet, if we go back to the other thread... 90% of the time we are instantly judged as desirable by the opposite sex strictly by our looks.
What I am taking from this is "I don't want to be judge on my looks." The thing is we are attracted to what we are attracted too. This is just a little bit more in your face then most people are about it but how many times do you think you don't get messaged because you don't fit their ideals? This could be the color of your skin, your weight, your hair color, your height, etc. Everyone is a whole package but if someone doesnt like the gift wrapping on the package they more then likely are not going to unwrap it to find out what is inside.0 -
I am curious for others opinions as to how much of this is simply because weight is almost a taboo thing for most ladies and if that wasn`t the issue the op is based on it would not be given even a second thought.0
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I personally wouldn't say that I think the BBW fetish is weird because I really believe different strokes for different folks, no pun intended. Can't all fetishes, by defination, be considered "taboo" by someone?
We all have different turn ons and preferences. That's why everyone is not compatible.0 -
I haven't read the entire thread yet and I have a feeling the topic might have veered some but I'll answer the initial question.
My take on the BBW thing is that for some reason, men who are into that are also into being extroverted about it - meaning part of the excitement is that everyone knows they like larger women. A guy who just wants to find the right person, and if they happen to be a little bigger won't need to shout it from the rooftops. And as an introvert myself, I'm not o a fan of the guy who needs everyone to know his business.
Personally I think having preferences for body type (and other traits) is normal. The problem is when someone is blinded to that and only that and will ignore personality, chemistry, romance and all other relationship aspects simply for that one preference. I'm starting to feel sorry for people who can't be a little open minded on their "type" because they will most likely pass up some great people for one small detail.0 -
It's downright weird to me to say you will only date overweight women, or whatever. Who wants to be defined as desirable based on one thing?
And yet, if we go back to the other thread... 90% of the time we are instantly judged as desirable by the opposite sex strictly by our looks.
"Looks" are not one thing. Saying someone looks good incorporates a variety of attributes: hair, eyes, facial symmetry, body, smile, etc. That's quite complex.
Saying you want overweight women is much more one dimensional.
Again, I have no issue with a preference for overweight women. But to fixate on one attribute like that is just creepy.
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It's downright weird to me to say you will only date overweight women, or whatever. Who wants to be defined as desirable based on one thing?
And yet, if we go back to the other thread... 90% of the time we are instantly judged as desirable by the opposite sex strictly by our looks.
"Looks" are not one thing. Saying someone looks good incorporates a variety of attributes: hair, eyes, facial symmetry, body, smile, etc. That's quite complex.
Saying you want overweight women is much more one dimensional.
Again, I have no issue with a preference for overweight women. But to fixate on one attribute like that is just creepy.
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How is it any different then the opposite where one particular physical trait or characteristic is a final deal breaker?
In this case it could be as simple as a person announcing beforehand this particular thing is not that to them.
It being a fetish is not established but assumed.0
