Am I just that bad or what?
Options
kobashi
Posts: 164
I pretty much get 0 responses on match.com and on pof.com. Is something wrong with how I look or my profiles?
Opinions:
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=35289218
http://www.match.com/profile/Show?UID=hi4T/xkanG2GpU+dwR/wQQ==&Handle=arguy1984
Opinions:
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=35289218
http://www.match.com/profile/Show?UID=hi4T/xkanG2GpU+dwR/wQQ==&Handle=arguy1984
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Replies
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Hi Kobashi - here's my two cents... (Can't see the Match profile, sorry)
Do you have pics that are more interesting? I LOVE the one where you're down in the rocks - MAKE THAT YOUR PROFILE PIC!!!
Take out the "I have been on a couple dates in my life and cannot stand the concept of a blind date" statement. That's a turn off.
Otherwise your POF profile looks good, just be patient (and get some more interesting pics!). Good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
Just looked at your MFP pics... use the one with you and your daughter - SUPER CUTE! Still like the one with you and your sunglasses, standing on the rocks THE BEST (it looks like its also your current MFP profile pic).0
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Hi Kobashi - here's my two cents... (Can't see the Match profile, sorry)
Do you have pics that are more interesting? I LOVE the one where you're down in the rocks - MAKE THAT YOUR PROFILE PIC!!!
Take out the "I have been on a couple dates in my life and cannot stand the concept of a blind date" statement. That's a turn off.
Otherwise your POF profile looks good, just be patient (and get some more interesting pics!). Good luck! :flowerforyou:
Awesome!
Thanks for the input. I really do need more pictures. I guess the problem is, I recently just started even allowing people to take them of me. I was not very happy with the old me.0 -
No you are not that bad, don't think that....or it will become you....Online dating is window shopping for a mate. Period. Plese don't take it too seriously as far as your "lack" of matches/contact.0
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I'm currently 1-33 for responses... I was actually kind of pissed when the one girl responded, I had a hell of a run going!0
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No you are not that bad, don't think that....or it will become you....Online dating is window shopping for a mate. Period. Plese don't take it too seriously as far as your "lack" of matches/contact.
This is so true. It is so much like window shopping - pictures matter more than anything you write. It's unfortunate but true.0 -
Awesome!
Thanks for the input. I really do need more pictures. I guess the problem is, I recently just started even allowing people to take them of me. I was not very happy with the old me.
My problem too! All my pics are of the fatter me. Not so sexy.0 -
Here's my two cents for what it's worth, and I'm going to be pretty blunt because I think that's more helpful than trying to be nice.
You start off your profile saying your daughter is your number one priority, so it sounds like any woman you could meet never will be. That may be the case, but I don't think you need to be so blunt about it in your profile. You also say you aren't sure about having more children. Many women in the age range you are searching (I'm guessing here) may want children one day. It's going to limit the pool of women interested in you if they see you as having had your child and not really being on board with having another with them. I'm not saying to lie about this, but this is why I think you should soften the blow with the whole thing about your daughter being your number one priority. Do you have full custody? I'm wondering if you could give an indication of how much time you have her. A woman who would date you need to feel like she is your top priority when she is with you and your daughter is with her mom. You end with being very family oriented and you talk about grandkids in the future, but with the start of your profile, it seems that the family would only be your flesh and blood. I'm sorry to say that I find that very off-putting. If I was someone you contacted, I would probably read your profile thinking "Yeah, good luck with that!"
Can you say something more about what your sense of humor is like? It's too easy to think, with other negatives in there, that you might have a weird sense of humor and very few people are intentionally looking for weird. Better still, demonstrate your humor if you can!
I made this comment about the other profile below, but your interests and activities are also very fitness oriented. I get that you are into exercise and being healthy, but unless you are looking for a fitness partner, I really think you should try to include some more female-friendly interests there. Like WHERE do you like to go walking? Is it an interesting place? If it's just around a track, then I'm not feeling the romantic potential. Make the women reading your profile able to imagine doing one of your interests with you!
Edit to add: I only looked at the profile on POF.0 -
Here's my two cents for what it's worth, and I'm going to be pretty blunt because I think that's more helpful than trying to be nice.
You start off your profile saying your daughter is your number one priority, so it sounds like any woman you could meet never will be. That may be the case, but I don't think you need to be so blunt about it in your profile. You also say you aren't sure about having more children. Many women in the age range you are searching (I'm guessing here) may want children one day. It's going to limit the pool of women interested in you if they see you as having had your child and not really being on board with having another with them. I'm not saying to lie about this, but this is why I think you should soften the blow with the whole thing about your daughter being your number one priority. Do you have full custody? I'm wondering if you could give an indication of how much time you have her. A woman who would date you need to feel like she is your top priority when she is with you and your daughter is with her mom. You end with being very family oriented and you talk about grandkids in the future, but with the start of your profile, it seems that the family would only be your flesh and blood. I'm sorry to say that I find that very off-putting. If I was someone you contacted, I would probably read your profile thinking "Yeah, good luck with that!"
Ko - I respectfully disagree with the ENTIRE paragraph above. I'm a single mom myself and have raised both of my children (now teens) on my own. I thought it was FANTASTIC that your daughter is your #1 priority... KIDS SHOULD BE! They don't have anyone other than their parents to look out for them. I in no way take that to mean that you wouldn't make your partner your priority. If you put your child first - then your capable of being loving and committed... even to a partner.
Personally, I thought the way that you talked about your daughter was the best thing about your profile... I wouldn't change a word of it. And btw, reading your profile made me think very highly of you as a father... kudos to you!
Edited to add: If you already know that you're not interested in having more biological children of your own - I think it's good that you state that up front and directly. You're free time is precious (and probably few and far between), you don't have time to waste on getting to know a woman who positively wants more children.0 -
Should I lie about being non-religious? It's not that I don't want to date a religious person. I just don't want to lie on there.0
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You also say you aren't sure about having more children.
I'll look at the profiles when I get home from work, but this comment stood out to me... I know women who seriously delete guys who say they aren't sure about having more children because they really do wanna become moms. They don't want to even risk getting involved with a man who starts off ambivalent about this but then the truth comes out that they don't really want more kids. They want a man who DOES want to have kids, not just pretend he might because that's what hooks women in that age range.
Looking back on it, as a woman, I can understand that because most women are pretty sure they want kids (or are very sure they don't).. I'm pretty emphatic about NOT having more children, though I'm open to adoption and mothering someone else's kids.
And as to the kids=priority thing, I have a kid and I would never put in my profile or tell a date he is always going to be my number one priority. Because he isn't. He is my #1 priority right now, but at some point, if I remarry, my husband is going to become my #1 priority. When a man starts off telling me his kids will always come first (because now-a-days that's what you're "supposed" to say to show you're a "committed family man"), he already has a strike against him in my book.
Here is what my mind translates this to: whenever you and I conflict my daughter and ex wife will take priority. I will be at my ex's beck and call because she'll use the kids against me and while my heart has fooled my mind into thinking I will be able to shield you from all that, when push comes to shove you'll just have to suck it up buttercup because you're gonna end up my last priority.
(I might be a teensy bit in female over-analyzing mode right now, lol...oh, and OP I probably don't think like most of the women in your target group so take the kids thing with a grain of salt)0 -
As someone who doesn't have children, like most of the OP's potential dating pool if he is looking at younger women (the trend, but again I'm guessing), I agree that someone's child should be their priority, but I just felt it came across to heavy in the profile. There was nothing in there that made me feel like he would hold the woman in his life as special. I just think there is a better was to say it that would show any potential matches that they could be a priority too. It's all about marketing yourself in the best way possible.Here's my two cents for what it's worth, and I'm going to be pretty blunt because I think that's more helpful than trying to be nice.
You start off your profile saying your daughter is your number one priority, so it sounds like any woman you could meet never will be. That may be the case, but I don't think you need to be so blunt about it in your profile. You also say you aren't sure about having more children. Many women in the age range you are searching (I'm guessing here) may want children one day. It's going to limit the pool of women interested in you if they see you as having had your child and not really being on board with having another with them. I'm not saying to lie about this, but this is why I think you should soften the blow with the whole thing about your daughter being your number one priority. Do you have full custody? I'm wondering if you could give an indication of how much time you have her. A woman who would date you need to feel like she is your top priority when she is with you and your daughter is with her mom. You end with being very family oriented and you talk about grandkids in the future, but with the start of your profile, it seems that the family would only be your flesh and blood. I'm sorry to say that I find that very off-putting. If I was someone you contacted, I would probably read your profile thinking "Yeah, good luck with that!"
Ko - I respectfully disagree with the ENTIRE paragraph above. I'm a single mom myself and have raised both of my children (now teens) on my own. I thought it was FANTASTIC that your daughter is your #1 priority... KIDS SHOULD BE! They don't have anyone other than their parents to look out for them. I in no way take that to mean that you wouldn't make your partner your priority. If you put your child first - then your capable of being loving and committed... even to a partner.
Personally, I thought the way that you talked about your daughter was the best thing about your profile... I wouldn't change a word of it. And btw, reading your profile made me think very highly of you as a father... kudos to you!
Edited to add: If you already know that you're not interested in having more biological children of your own - I think it's good that you state that up front and directly. You're free time is precious (and probably few and far between), you don't have time to waste on getting to know a woman who positively wants more children.0 -
I didn't look at your profile, but I can definitely give you some personal opinions when it comes to online dating. If you are trying to nap some hot babe online, it simply isn't going to happen. Your odds are MUCH better at a bar or through friends when it comes to that.. definitely not online. Your e-mail will be 1 of 10 that they will receive each day.
Now, if you are looking for a date with an honest girl to have a serious committed relationship with, online isn't a bad route to go. Almost everyone I met online has been polite, good job, from a good family, etc etc.
And response rates for all men are very, very low. I have a friend who is a good looking guy, smart, and built like a Greek God.. for every 8-10 emails he sends out, he'll says he's lucky to get one back. My personal response rate is roughly the same. Though I go for girls who I feel I would look good with, while he's always swinging for the fence.0 -
Eliminate the first two paragraphs. You don't have to say in paragraph form that you are a single parent and that you work a lot.
These profiles are supposed to be fun. Make yours fun! Throw some good jokes around. Talk about how fun being with you is. Make the women want to be with you.
With that said, even some of the best written male profiles don't lead to enormous responses. Poncho talked about going 1 for 33 recently.0 -
You also say you aren't sure about having more children.
I'll look at the profiles when I get home from work, but this comment stood out to me... I know women who seriously delete guys who say they aren't sure about having more children because they really do wanna become moms. They don't want to even risk getting involved with a man who starts off ambivalent about this but then the truth comes out that they don't really want more kids. They want a man who DOES want to have kids, not just pretend he might because that's what hooks women in that age range.
Looking back on it, as a woman, I can understand that because most women are pretty sure they want kids (or are very sure they don't).. I'm pretty emphatic about NOT having more children, though I'm open to adoption and mothering someone else's kids.
And as to the kids=priority thing, I have a kid and I would never put in my profile or tell a date he is always going to be my number one priority. Because he isn't. He is my #1 priority right now, but at some point, if I remarry, my husband is going to become my #1 priority. When a man starts off telling me his kids will always come first (because now-a-days that's what you're "supposed" to say to show you're a "committed family man"), he already has a strike against him in my book.
My mind translates this to, whenever you and I conflict my daughter and ex wife will take priority. I will be at my ex's beck and call because she'll use the kids against me and while my heart has fooled my mind into thinking I will be able to shield you from all that, when push comes to shove you'll just have to suck it up buttercup because you're gonna end up my last priority.
(I might be a teensy bit in female over-analyzing mode right now, lol)
Well, I will probably die with my daughter being my #1 priority. I would rather never date again then ever lie about this fact. Having her is still the best mistake that I ever made and I am lucky just to have her. I do share custody so when I have her, she is it with me. I ignore texts and I focus on her. If this means that I don't deserve a partner than that's how life is, I guess.
I cannot hide that fact. All of my female friends always complain about the guy abusing, cheating, not working, being dumb or inconsiderate. I am the opposite of all those things so I think I actually deserve to find someone good. It's why I am so picky.0 -
Don't lie about anything. I'm not religious and I choose that as an option on OKC. I'm not compatible with someone who lives their life by the Bible and what the church says. I would want to eliminate those matches and not waste my time.Should I lie about being non-religious? It's not that I don't want to date a religious person. I just don't want to lie on there.
If you don't want to exclude people who are religious, you could always say that you aren't religious yourself, but you are respectful of others' beliefs and open to dating people who are more spiritual or religious.
Edit to fix: LIE not like0 -
All of this is why you are definitely one of the good guys! You just have to keep in mind that women are also very picky, many particularly so when they are younger. so your rate of success is probably going to have lower odds.Well, I will probably die with my daughter being my #1 priority. I would rather never date again then ever lie about this fact. Having her is still the best mistake that I ever made and I am lucky just to have her. I do share custody so when I have her, she is it with me. I ignore texts and I focus on her. If this means that I don't deserve a partner than that's how life is, I guess.
I cannot hide that fact. All of my female friends always complain about the guy abusing, cheating, not working, being dumb or inconsiderate. I am the opposite of all those things so I think I actually deserve to find someone good. It's why I am so picky.0 -
I can only speak for myself, and I'll quit saying it after this - I promise! LOL I completely disagree with the other opinions about not listing your daughter as your #1 priority. I think that speaks volumes about who you are as a person. And I'll tell you flat out... I find being a good father to be a VERY SEXY quality in a man. I guess it's all about who you want to attract. If you're looking for quantity, then take it out - if you're looking for QUALITY, then you'll have to stick out the lack of responses longer.
I promise I'll shut up now and let everyone else give their opinion. :blushing:
Oh - and about the "religious" thing... never lie (about anything in your profile), but if it isn't an absolute - consider omitting it and being honest when the topic comes up in conversation.0 -
I wouldn't lie about anything in your profile, but definitely agree with those who kind of express the opinion you could lighten up and have some fun with your profile. Being a good father and having a stable career are important to lots (most?) of women, but the way in which you present these could be different. Fun, flirty, sexy.. would be a good combination with everything else you have to offer.0
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And as to the kids=priority thing, I have a kid and I would never put in my profile or tell a date he is always going to be my number one priority. Because he isn't. He is my #1 priority right now, but at some point, if I remarry, my husband is going to become my #1 priority. When a man starts off telling me his kids will always come first (because now-a-days that's what you're "supposed" to say to show you're a "committed family man"), he already has a strike against him in my book.
Here is what my mind translates this to: whenever you and I conflict my daughter and ex wife will take priority. I will be at my ex's beck and call because she'll use the kids against me and while my heart has fooled my mind into thinking I will be able to shield you from all that, when push comes to shove you'll just have to suck it up buttercup because you're gonna end up my last priority.
(I might be a teensy bit in female over-analyzing mode right now, lol...oh, and OP I probably don't think like most of the women in your target group so take the kids thing with a grain of salt)
100% agreed with Janie.0
