Am I just that bad or what?
Replies
-
This is absolutely not true for me. A man needs to be attractive to me, for sure, or at least not repulsive, as far as I can tell from his pictures for me to want to meet him, but the message is still important. I get a lot of messages that are just "hi" and that doesn't show any real interest to me. I want to see something that shows he read my profile and liked something about me. I have had far fewer message that have actually said something about even one little thing in my profile and I will make the effort to reply to all of those, even if it's just to say I don't think he's a good match for me.2. forget being super creative with your messages, the ratio for responses doesn't pay off and if the girl doesn't like your pics your just going to get a pity response.... or E for effort if you will.
3. The single peeps girls will eat me for lunch for this, but the profile isn't all that important. Obviously you need to have something there, but I have been told by some girls that have messaged me that mine is the best they have seen. And I have a 1-30is ratio for responses.
I agree that the response rate is going to be dismal still, even if you have a great profile, but that doesn't mean it won't be worse if the profile isn't good. Women do read profiles much more than men, from what I see, so there needs to be something there to catch a woman's eye, especially if you don't look like (insert name of hottest actor or model you can think of).
I wasn't saying just say Hi. But I wouldn't go much further than: Hey how are you? I see you like Maroon 5, have you ever seen them live?? It's just not worth writing some paragraph and adding a ton of thought when odds are she isn't the 1 in 30 that's going to get back to you.
See I disagree with what you wrote in the 2nd paragraph... while something you write may catch their eye... long term a relationship isn't going to last off of some eye catcher in a profile.
And that's fine! you've read the profile and commented on something there... and with a question!!! Good messages have at least one question in them, IMO. That makes it easy for me to respond and throw back my own questions.
You certainly wouldn't see Maroon 5 mentioned on MY profile, however.
I'm not sure what you meant about the long term stuff. I'm really only speaking about getting enough of a woman's attention for her to want to reply to the first message.0 -
You know, i though this too, but I already felt like I was nit picking enough. I think everything you put in a profile should try to read positive and it's kind of hard to do that with anything related to death.4- This is really nit picky again, but telling me you like reading books about people who died long before you were born COULD simply read, "I enjoy non-fiction and biographies on historical figures". Somehow the word died added to negativity. Weird.. I know...I think I just read negative tone in the profile though.0 -
This is absolutely not true for me. A man needs to be attractive to me, for sure, or at least not repulsive, as far as I can tell from his pictures for me to want to meet him, but the message is still important. I get a lot of messages that are just "hi" and that doesn't show any real interest to me. I want to see something that shows he read my profile and liked something about me. I have had far fewer message that have actually said something about even one little thing in my profile and I will make the effort to reply to all of those, even if it's just to say I don't think he's a good match for me.2. forget being super creative with your messages, the ratio for responses doesn't pay off and if the girl doesn't like your pics your just going to get a pity response.... or E for effort if you will.
3. The single peeps girls will eat me for lunch for this, but the profile isn't all that important. Obviously you need to have something there, but I have been told by some girls that have messaged me that mine is the best they have seen. And I have a 1-30is ratio for responses.
I agree that the response rate is going to be dismal still, even if you have a great profile, but that doesn't mean it won't be worse if the profile isn't good. Women do read profiles much more than men, from what I see, so there needs to be something there to catch a woman's eye, especially if you don't look like (insert name of hottest actor or model you can think of).
I wasn't saying just say Hi. But I wouldn't go much further than: Hey how are you? I see you like Maroon 5, have you ever seen them live?? It's just not worth writing some paragraph and adding a ton of thought when odds are she isn't the 1 in 30 that's going to get back to you.
See I disagree with what you wrote in the 2nd paragraph... while something you write may catch their eye... long term a relationship isn't going to last off of some eye catcher in a profile.
And that's fine! you've read the profile and commented on something there... and with a question!!! Good messages have at least one question in them, IMO. That makes it easy for me to respond and throw back my own questions.
You certainly wouldn't see Maroon 5 mentioned on MY profile, however.
I'm not sure what you meant about the long term stuff. I'm really only speaking about getting enough of a woman's attention for her to want to reply to the first message.
Haha, I'm actually embarrassed to admit that Maroon 5 was the band I thought of... I honest to god couldn't tell you anything about them or even a song of theirs.0 -
Eliminate the first two paragraphs. You don't have to say in paragraph form that you are a single parent and that you work a lot.
These profiles are supposed to be fun. Make yours fun! Throw some good jokes around. Talk about how fun being with you is. Make the women want to be with you.
With that said, even some of the best written male profiles don't lead to enormous responses. Poncho talked about going 1 for 33 recently.
^^^ this. No humour (although you say you have humour, where is it?) and no romance!!
Guys, if you make a girl laugh, and tell/show her you want to be her friend and lover, then she's going to want to get to know you. It's really as simple as that!
And yes, I always read profiles after I feel attraction for the image. Even if a guy messages me that I dont particularly find attractive, I will read his profile to make sure I'm not missing out on a great personality. Not too long winded, but not too short is the way to go.
But no matter what the picture looks like a guy that can't make you laugh or seemingly doesnt want to make room in their work scheduled/child focused life to romance you are usually dead pan boring, just after one thing, or just not available enough for what I'm looking for!!
But hey, we all look for different things :bigsmile:
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
I have more, but I'm sick of typing for now.
:laugh: :laugh: you guys are cracking me up with your one liners today!!! :bigsmile:
ETA: And this is also the kind of sh1t that I find attractive!! Someone just being themselves!!
0 -
I agree with JJ.
I completely understand the sentiment of why you're posting about your daughter.. I do but profiles should be happy and positive. You can express certain things without sounding defensive (as you're assuming the woman you date might not understand your duties as a dad). Honestly, these types of matters should be talked about when things get more serious with a date.
If my ex bf would have said something like "I work 4 days on and 4 days off so I need someone to understand.", I would have passed him up. You're making "demands" instead of focusing in you, your personality and why Id want to date you.0 -
I'm currently 1-33 for responses... I was actually kind of pissed when the one girl responded, I had a hell of a run going!
LOL!
Don't be discouraged, you can build that streak back up in no time. Focus, focus, focus.
--P0 -
I believe in marriage that God comes first, your spouse, then your children, because in that order, your children get the best support and direction possible.
Wow, just wow.
--P0 -
6. Ask them on a date sooner rather than later... these online gals are touchy and just looking for a reason to reject you. Plus another guy might come along.
Oh.. so this is why when I am trying to get to know someone on there, sometimes they just stop replying? Even though we were actually having a good conversation?0 -
^^I believe in marriage that God comes first, your spouse, then your children, because in that order, your children get the best support and direction possible.
Wow, just wow.
--P0 -
Whoa, we just took my profile to whole new level here. I am going to rewrite this. I see a lot of good points here.
You know, i though this too, but I already felt like I was nit picking enough. I think everything you put in a profile should try to read positive and it's kind of hard to do that with anything related to death.4- This is really nit picky again, but telling me you like reading books about people who died long before you were born COULD simply read, "I enjoy non-fiction and biographies on historical figures". Somehow the word died added to negativity. Weird.. I know...I think I just read negative tone in the profile though.
It's like "Don't be too specific, but don't be too general." "Don't lie but omit certain things."
I have trouble showing my sense of humor in text. I am much more of a serious writer, not a humorous one. Most people find me very fun loving and hilarious in person.0 -
^^I believe in marriage that God comes first, your spouse, then your children, because in that order, your children get the best support and direction possible.
Wow, just wow.
--P
I'm in a bit of a mood so I was planning a smark remark, but quite frankly I'm not willing to fight a pointless battle so I'll wish you both nothing but the best in whatever your priorities. Our opinions don't have the be the same but being respectful of others is just good form.0 -
6. Ask them on a date sooner rather than later... these online gals are touchy and just looking for a reason to reject you. Plus another guy might come along.
Oh.. so this is why when I am trying to get to know someone on there, sometimes they just stop replying? Even though we were actually having a good conversation?
I don't think that is the only reason... but I get that too, where you're getting to know them and then you start getting the dead end replies or nothing at all. It's a rare bread women, I try not to take much of it personally.
Not sure if you saw my list above but the best thing I ever did was put a funny question at the end of my profile... all of the messages I get are in reply to the question. I guess it makes it easier for them to send the first message, like they have a reason to message me.0 -
6. Ask them on a date sooner rather than later... these online gals are touchy and just looking for a reason to reject you. Plus another guy might come along.
Oh.. so this is why when I am trying to get to know someone on there, sometimes they just stop replying? Even though we were actually having a good conversation?
I don't think that is the only reason... but I get that too, where you're getting to know them and then you start getting the dead end replies or nothing at all. It's a rare bread women, I try not to take much of it personally.
Not sure if you saw my list above but the best thing I ever did was put a funny question at the end of my profile... all of the messages I get are in reply to the question. I guess it makes it easier for them to send the first message, like they have a reason to message me.
You're so wise... Btw, I'm told by the guys that I have the best profile ever. We so smart!!0 -
6. Ask them on a date sooner rather than later... these online gals are touchy and just looking for a reason to reject you. Plus another guy might come along.
Oh.. so this is why when I am trying to get to know someone on there, sometimes they just stop replying? Even though we were actually having a good conversation?
I don't think that is the only reason... but I get that too, where you're getting to know them and then you start getting the dead end replies or nothing at all. It's a rare bread women, I try not to take much of it personally.
Not sure if you saw my list above but the best thing I ever did was put a funny question at the end of my profile... all of the messages I get are in reply to the question. I guess it makes it easier for them to send the first message, like they have a reason to message me.
You are very wise beyond your years sir.0 -
^^I believe in marriage that God comes first, your spouse, then your children, because in that order, your children get the best support and direction possible.
Wow, just wow.
--P
I'm in a bit of a mood so I was planning a smark remark, but quite frankly I'm not willing to fight a pointless battle so I'll wish you both nothing but the best in whatever your priorities. Our opinions don't have the be the same but being respectful of others is just good form.
How is that disrespectful?
Saying you put God in front of your future spouse and children seems like a legitimate subject of debate here on a singles board.
Is it wise to do that? Is it radical? Is it normal for Christians to do this? Is it harder/easier to maintain a relationship with a man/woman when God comes first? What, exactly, does putting God first actually mean?
And in the Bible there is a perfect example of this, when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son to prove his obedience to God. And Abraham was about to do it, had the knife ready to butcher his son in God's name, when God intervened and told him it was no longer necessary. It was a classic case of putting God before a child, and taking that vow seriously.
Then there is probably the less controversial idea (relatively speaking) of putting your spouse before your kids. Again, what does that mean? Does it apply to single parents who remarry?
It could be a very interesting discussion, indeed!
--P0 -
I'll try this again - I just realized nobody is going to be able to see the link I posted....0
-
How is that disrespectful?
An explanation of why "Wow, just wow." would be received as an insult:
(Coincidentally, my brother posted this on his FB page yesterday.)0 -
I'm in a bit of a mood so I was planning a smark remark, but quite frankly I'm not willing to fight a pointless battle so I'll wish you both nothing but the best in whatever your priorities. Our opinions don't have the be the same but being respectful of others is just good form.
I have to agree w/ you on this one. I'm not a religious person, but I can understand how religion would be an important aspect in a relationship.
I live in south Florida where there are TONS of Jewish people. Most Jewish women I run across only want to date Jewish men. I think if two people share similar religious views, it's one thing that's easier in the relationship.0 -
Not sure of your point, Mellie. That I'm implying putting God before your spouse, who is then before the children, is "stupid"? No, not at all. It's not stupid. It's incredibly radical, however, at least in my opinion. I would even say shockingly radical. Hence, the "wow."
But I'd love to better understand why it's actually not radical at all, and even preferable, at least for Christians. I would suppose, based on the Biblical story of Abraham and Isaac, that a good Christian must put God in front of his family. And, following through on that logic, should God ask a Christian to kill his/her child or spouse, a good Christian must obey. This is not a hypothetical, as it actually happened. At least that's what it says in the Bible.
I didn't even agree with putting the spouse before the kids, although perhaps that depends on our definitions of "putting before...."
--P0 -
I'm currently 1-33 for responses... I was actually kind of pissed when the one girl responded, I had a hell of a run going!
Haha! Yeah, hate to break a streak. I'm about the same as you, ratio-wise.0 -
I would suppose, based on the Biblical story of Abraham and Isaac, that a good Christian must put God in front of his family. And, following through on that logic, should God ask a Christian to kill his/her child or spouse, a good Christian must obey. This is not a hypothetical, as it actually happened. At least that's what it says in the Bible.
--P
Man, I love comedy.0 -
I'm currently 1-33 for responses... I was actually kind of pissed when the one girl responded, I had a hell of a run going!
Haha! Yeah, hate to break a streak. I'm about the same as you, ratio-wise.
I'm already back up to 0-4... hopping to hit 50!0 -
I am going back to the original post. I can't see your match.com posting but for your POF one.
- Post a picture without the sunglasses. Women (and most men) like to see someone’s eyes as the eyes tell more of a story.
- The whole profile, to me, is filled with poor grammar and I would have stopped reading after the first sentence.I enjoy spending time with my family and friends, going for walks, mountain climbing, riding bikes, four-wheeling, working out at the gym, watching movies and reading all different kinds of books and poetry. I appreciate art but cannot draw to save my life.
What really sets me out from other people is probably my sense of humor. I have a unique sense of humor and great enjoy being around others to play off of. I enjoy comedians like Daniel Tosh, Louis C.K. and Richard Pryor.
I eat healthy, workout, and watch my intake. I am really trying to build myself new so that I can live to have grandchildren some day and maybe even great grand children.
My ultimate goal is to be a healthy individual and strive to seek new adventures in life. I am very family oriented so I would like find someone who is similar. I think when you are with someone and dating them that it is important to be around your family after sometime.
Here is a rough draft of how I would edit it.
"I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. I am a very family oriented person and would like to connect with someone that also enjoys their family. I think that when two people are in a committed relationship that it is important to include both families as they are a part of who we are. (Make sure to mention your daughter in this part somehow)
In my spare time I enjoy doing outdoor actives like mountain climbing, hiking, riding bikes, and four wheeling. I enjoy seeking new adventures in life; I would like to do (something you haven't tried yet) in the next couple years. When I am not outdoors I like to read a good biography/non-fiction book or poetry. I also appreciate art and like to go to art museums.
What really sets me apart from other guys is my sense of humor. I have a {different adjective} sense of humor and like being around others that I can bounce it off of. I am entertained by sarcastic comedians like Daniel Tosh, Louis C.K. and Richard Pryor.
I live a healthily lifestyle and work out several days a week and try to eat healthy and would like to find someone that also lives a similar lifestyle.
(Finish with a question) Are you the one that I can explore the great outdoors with?0 -
Asking me WHY I believed what I did or to explain would have been awesome. That's why we're on MFP Single Peeps to learn from others who may not agree with us but have had a different life experience. Saying , "Wow, just wow" was completely disrespectful and closed-minded... you may not have said that my beliefs were stupid, but you might as well have. I didn't ask anyone to believe them.... in fact I made clear that I was sharing my beliefs so the OP could understand why someone might not respond and clearly said that is his choice based on what he hoped to find in someone.
When I post a question, I'm expecting answers I don't agree with but welcome them because it makes me think about things, especially in areas where I have not been successful, as was the point of this post. Stifling people's opinions defeats the whole point of posting on here and quite frankly was disappointing at a level I haven't experienced here.
I wish the OP the best in answering his question... we're all here searching for answers and help. Belittling the opinion of those who are trying to help only leaves more hurt and most of us get enough of that.0 -
Saying , "Wow, just wow" was completely disrespectful and closed-minded... you may not have said that my beliefs were stupid, but you might as well have. I didn't ask anyone to believe them....
I did not mean to be disrespectful. If you took it that way, I do apologize.
Having said that, let me repeat: I don't think your one sentence, putting God before your children, was "stupid." I do think it is extremely radical, and leads to some incredibly uncomfortable, perhaps even immoral, conclusions (no, I'm not calling you immoral).
I'm sure lots of Christians believe it. But like so many other things Christians say or believe, they are rarely challenged. And by challenged I mean in a respectful way. I do think that most believers have been given a free pass with religion. I debate religion with my Christian, Islamic, and Jewish friends all the time. Usually over beer or wine (not with my Islamic friends, obviously - or at least I'm the only one drinking).
Although my Jewish friends are all atheists (and all Israeli), btw. Those conversations are more along the lines of, "Did Jesus invent Christianity or did Paul?" etc., etc. More secular religious topics. While my discussions with my Christian and Islamic friends are usually me challenging tenets of their religion, and they trying to defend or enlighten me.
My Islamic friends (and btw, they are mostly engineers, executives, etc.) are either atheists or "fundamentalists," as in the Koran is the written word of God, infallible, 100%. My Christian friends, however, display a wide spectrum of beliefs. Which is why I always start out trying to understand how they view the Bible: as inspired by God, 100% correct? Or, rather, more historical, with some Godly utterances among the many mistakes, etc., etc. I always prefer the fundamentalist discussions, since the more liberal Christians have watered down their religion to such a point that it's no longer recognizable. Although, in their defense, I suppose that's what you have to do to live in the modern world if you truly think about religion, especially as an educated person.
Of course, few minds are changed, but a good time is had by all. I always remind them that they will no doubt "win" the debate in the end, as they will be eating figs in heaven, and I will be suffering the most horrible kinds of torture, endlessly, mercilessly, forever and ever, put in place by their kind and loving God.
--P0 -
I didn't look at your profile, but I can definitely give you some personal opinions when it comes to online dating. If you are trying to nap some hot babe online, it simply isn't going to happen. Your odds are MUCH better at a bar or through friends when it comes to that.. definitely not online. Your e-mail will be 1 of 10 that they will receive each day.
Now, if you are looking for a date with an honest girl to have a serious committed relationship with, online isn't a bad route to go. Almost everyone I met online has been polite, good job, from a good family, etc etc.
And response rates for all men are very, very low. I have a friend who is a good looking guy, smart, and built like a Greek God.. for every 8-10 emails he sends out, he'll says he's lucky to get one back. My personal response rate is roughly the same. Though I go for girls who I feel I would look good with, while he's always swinging for the fence.
I just don't get that...why do guys think that girls get tons of messages? And on the other hand, why do women not respond when a guy contacts them? I respond to every single one (not that there's many!) even if it's to say "we're not a match, but good luck!"0 -
When it comes to taking a current self shot, don't use your cell phone and a mirror!
Buy a tri-pod for $40 and a cheap digital camera with a timer. Your pictures will come out 100x better.
Oh have a friend take a picture!0 -
I have a question that no one has asked yet: on your match profile, why do you have body type listed as "heavyset"? You definitely don't look heavyset. That should be changed...along with the mirror pics! And you'll see my profile in the "who's viewed you" thing (sharonmarie)...You can check out my profile and critique mine if you'd like. 0
-
When it comes to taking a current self shot, don't use your cell phone and a mirror!
Buy a tri-pod for $40 and a cheap digital camera with a timer. Your pictures will come out 100x better.
Oh have a friend take a picture!
Well you can take on with an Iphone 4 or above as it has the turn around feature so you can see the picture you are taking.0
