What Does a Good First Date Look Like?
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DMZ_1
Posts: 2,889 Member
What does a good first date look like to you? Here's what it looks like to me. I thought about some of the common themes of good, very good and excellent first dates I've had over the years.
1. Pre-selection: This matters most. It is a hard art to master. Who you pick to actually be spending an extended amount of time with you is vital. I think it is ideal to know that the second you start that date, you're going to have enough to talk about and that you're going to have easy interactions. Good pre-selection makes the later items on this list much easier.
2. Showing up on time. This is something that is easy, but many people fail in this task. I feel that punctuality reduces uncertainty and anxiety.
3. Presentation: Appearance counts. For me, most women pass this. Doesn't always happen. One woman I went out with once had really greasy hair and looked tired. I think that men have a higher threshold in their appearance. We've gotta wear great shoes (particularly for an indoorsy, non athletic date), smell nice, etc.
4. Ambiance: Very dependent upon the activity chosen, but there should be some perceived pleasantry in the environment. A stimuli of the sense. Lighting can be that stimuli. Nature is another good one.
5. Spatial relations: This is what I am fanatical about. I like close proximity. Close proximity brings closeness in interactions. Close proximity allows for physical contact. Physical contact sets up a kiss. A kiss won't happen unless there's some preceding physical contact. What is best is when a woman finds a way to touch me. A nice touch on the arm. These touches should precede a hand hold, which precedes a kiss. Infants learn to walk before they learn to run. That's what this is all about. So whatever is done, close proximity is important.
6. The Conversation: Just needs to have ease of interaction. Laughter is always good.
7. The Kiss: This is the moment of truth. Were items 1-6 done correctly? If items 1-6 were done correctly, there should be a kiss that says that there's mutual attraction and both sides want more.
1. Pre-selection: This matters most. It is a hard art to master. Who you pick to actually be spending an extended amount of time with you is vital. I think it is ideal to know that the second you start that date, you're going to have enough to talk about and that you're going to have easy interactions. Good pre-selection makes the later items on this list much easier.
2. Showing up on time. This is something that is easy, but many people fail in this task. I feel that punctuality reduces uncertainty and anxiety.
3. Presentation: Appearance counts. For me, most women pass this. Doesn't always happen. One woman I went out with once had really greasy hair and looked tired. I think that men have a higher threshold in their appearance. We've gotta wear great shoes (particularly for an indoorsy, non athletic date), smell nice, etc.
4. Ambiance: Very dependent upon the activity chosen, but there should be some perceived pleasantry in the environment. A stimuli of the sense. Lighting can be that stimuli. Nature is another good one.
5. Spatial relations: This is what I am fanatical about. I like close proximity. Close proximity brings closeness in interactions. Close proximity allows for physical contact. Physical contact sets up a kiss. A kiss won't happen unless there's some preceding physical contact. What is best is when a woman finds a way to touch me. A nice touch on the arm. These touches should precede a hand hold, which precedes a kiss. Infants learn to walk before they learn to run. That's what this is all about. So whatever is done, close proximity is important.
6. The Conversation: Just needs to have ease of interaction. Laughter is always good.
7. The Kiss: This is the moment of truth. Were items 1-6 done correctly? If items 1-6 were done correctly, there should be a kiss that says that there's mutual attraction and both sides want more.
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All I really care about is 3 and 6, if they go well I'm down for a 2nd date0
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Soooo....I don't think I could have put it anymore perfectly. You're awesome
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Sometimes you say the most blatant things DM :laugh:
But, I can't fault you on this list!!
It's how I would like any date, first or second or even third, to progress.
I never waste my time meeting guys I have little in common with and can't have a conversation with. So yes, your No.1 is my No.1 too!! :flowerforyou:
Although the last time I dated off the internet I had to question my powers of pre-selection!! Complete fail!! :laugh:0 -
I cannot stress how important #7 is. From a guys point of view, if we hit it off, laughing, great conversation, and at the end of the night she gives me the cheek. I would assume she isn't interested and would never try to pursue a second date with her.
I know a lot of girls say that they don't kiss on the first date and I think that's complete B.S. If you are interested in the guy, a small kiss on the lips after he bought your drinks and dinner won't kill you.
All the points Dave made are valid, but #7 is the true test if there will be a date #2.0 -
3. Presentation: Appearance counts. For me, most women pass this. Doesn't always happen. One woman I went out with once had really greasy hair and looked tired. I think that men have a higher threshold in their appearance. We've gotta wear great shoes (particularly for an indoorsy, non athletic date), smell nice, etc.
7. The Kiss: This is the moment of truth. Were items 1-6 done correctly? If items 1-6 were done correctly, there should be a kiss that says that there's mutual attraction and both sides want more.
Ok, I don't think guys focus on #3 often enough and if they do they don't seem confident when I show up looking my best (typically a skirt or sundress on a first date). MUCHO bonus points, if you remember to compliment how nice she looks and tell her she is beautiful (not in a creepy way).
And #7 is SOOOOO important, I think I am giving up on 2nd dates if I can't get a kiss on the first, no matter how many hints I drop. Except the last guy I went on a 2nd date, I hugged him and I thought he was going to have a heart attack from physical contact with a women (only gave him a 2nd since we had things in common and thought he was just too nervous on the 1st date, but I think he is just awkward).0 -
And this is why everyone is different.What does a good first date look like to you? Here's what it looks like to me. I thought about some of the common themes of good, very good and excellent first dates I've had over the years.
1. Pre-selection: This matters most. It is a hard art to master. Who you pick to actually be spending an extended amount of time with you is vital. I think it is ideal to know that the second you start that date, you're going to have enough to talk about and that you're going to have easy interactions. Good pre-selection makes the later items on this list much easier.
2. Showing up on time. This is something that is easy, but many people fail in this task. I feel that punctuality reduces uncertainty and anxiety.
3. Presentation: Appearance counts. For me, most women pass this. Doesn't always happen. One woman I went out with once had really greasy hair and looked tired. I think that men have a higher threshold in their appearance. We've gotta wear great shoes (particularly for an indoorsy, non athletic date), smell nice, etc.
4. Ambiance: Very dependent upon the activity chosen, but there should be some perceived pleasantry in the environment. A stimuli of the sense. Lighting can be that stimuli. Nature is another good one.
5. Spatial relations: This is what I am fanatical about. I like close proximity. Close proximity brings closeness in interactions. Close proximity allows for physical contact. Physical contact sets up a kiss. A kiss won't happen unless there's some preceding physical contact. What is best is when a woman finds a way to touch me. A nice touch on the arm. These touches should precede a hand hold, which precedes a kiss. Infants learn to walk before they learn to run. That's what this is all about. So whatever is done, close proximity is important.
6. The Conversation: Just needs to have ease of interaction. Laughter is always good.
7. The Kiss: This is the moment of truth. Were items 1-6 done correctly? If items 1-6 were done correctly, there should be a kiss that says that there's mutual attraction and both sides want more.
I agree with pre-selection, but I am very picky about whom I contact and then continue conversation with (if they contact me). Punctuality is important, but SoCal traffic is horrendous and sometimes you get stuck, so the courtesy to let me know they're running late as soon as they can safely call/text and an apology is fine.
Presentation is important in that I want a guy dressed appropriately for where we go. I'm not one of those women who judges a man by his shoes... unless he shows up in sneakers or flipflops that are too casual for the place. He's gotta smell nice, but don't we all?
I know some people don't like it when we use the word first meet, but if that's what this is for the first date, I don't agree about the spatial relationships and kiss. That just might put me off because my date is a total stranger at that point and I might be inclined to think he's after only one thing if he's pushing physical things so soon. A kiss on the cheek would be okay.
For ambiance... all that matters to me is that we are somewhere where we can talk and hear each other without having to shout over loud music or whatever. I need stimulating conversation, not light or nature.0 -
3. Presentation: Appearance counts. For me, most women pass this. Doesn't always happen. One woman I went out with once had really greasy hair and looked tired. I think that men have a higher threshold in their appearance. We've gotta wear great shoes (particularly for an indoorsy, non athletic date), smell nice, etc.
7. The Kiss: This is the moment of truth. Were items 1-6 done correctly? If items 1-6 were done correctly, there should be a kiss that says that there's mutual attraction and both sides want more.
Ok, I don't think guys focus on #3 often enough and if they do they don't seem confident when I show up looking my best (typically a skirt or sundress on a first date). MUCHO bonus points, if you remember to compliment how nice she looks and tell her she is beautiful (not in a creepy way).
And #7 is SOOOOO important, I think I am giving up on 2nd dates if I can't get a kiss on the first, no matter how many hints I drop. Except the last guy I went on a 2nd date, I hugged him and I thought he was going to have a heart attack from physical contact with a women (only gave him a 2nd since we had things in common and thought he was just too nervous on the 1st date, but I think he is just awkward).
I have to say I don't see the imporance of #7 on a first date, and if I were you I wouldn't give up on going on a 2nd date because you don't get a kiss. Like it has been said many times in here, us fellas can't read minds and pick up on every hint. Not saying that you should ask for a kiss, but if you don't get one it doesn't mean the guy isn't interested.0 -
A lot of thought went into that list indeed. Personally, I think numbers 1 & 6 are most important because the rest will figure itself out if you're on the date with someone you are comfortable with.
I'm not a fan of this entitled thinking...the guy spent a few bucks so at minimum the woman needs to put out with a kiss (if not more)? Am I reading that correctly?If you are interested in the guy, a small kiss on the lips after he bought your drinks and dinner won't kill you.0 -
For me, it's all about conversation and chemistry. None of the other stuff matters (ambiance,appearance,punctuality,etc) if I can't get lost in conversation with the person.
You make a lot of good points, it's just not my preference for first dates. Your list is more of what I would go with on a 2nd or 3rd date. I like to get to know the girl on a first date rather than try to make a romantic move.
The first 2 dates with my current girlfriend we closed the establishment we were in because the chemistry between us was so good. First date was the dreaded coffee date and the 2nd was a decent restaurant. Neither left open much room for spatial relations during the date, but it all worked out (kiss on the 2nd date).0 -
I'm not a fan of this entitled thinking...the guy spent a few bucks so at minimum the woman needs to put out with a kiss (if not more)? Am I reading that correctly?
Yes, you read that correctly. It's not so much the exchange of dinner for a kiss, it's to send the signal that she's interested.
If I had a great time and she gives the cheek at the end of the night, it tells me she's not interested and I'll move on to someone else very, very shortly thereafter.0 -
Number 7 seems to be the point of contention and for me it really would not matter all that much.
One will try to get a sense from the lady if it is okay to try to kiss her (even though to most guys it doesn`t mean a real lot to many ladies it is a "something" deep).
If all went well and she shied away or seemed uncomfortable with it then yes I would wonder but not just say "that`s it,next".
First of all some ladies have allowed a kiss on the lips only to be virtually attacked orally,the rest if not have heard of it so may be on guard.
Bottom line I would really hate it if some unknown "test" was being taken on me and because I failed in a simple thing the lady never wanted to see me again.
I will flat out say that if anyone,male or female is going to do that then they really need to look inside themselves and ask how worthy they are of companionship.
No offense intended but one of the things that kind of bugs me.0 -
I cannot stress how important #7 is. From a guys point of view, if we hit it off, laughing, great conversation, and at the end of the night she gives me the cheek. I would assume she isn't interested and would never try to pursue a second date with her.
I know a lot of girls say that they don't kiss on the first date and I think that's complete B.S. If you are interested in the guy, a small kiss on the lips after he bought your drinks and dinner won't kill you.
#7 is the true test if there will be a date #2.
The kiss is the moment of truth. A date essentially boils down to this moment. If a kiss is attempted by the man, and the woman turns the cheek, that’s game over. A guy doesn’t recover from that moment. There can be a date #2 without a kiss, but it reduces the probability of it.I'm not a fan of this entitled thinking...the guy spent a few bucks so at minimum the woman needs to put out with a kiss (if not more)? Am I reading that correctly?
I think money should be taken out of the equation, or the sums should be so low that it is inconsequential. People should kiss each other because they feel attraction to the other person, not their perceived bank account. There are guys who can spend less than $20 and get a kiss (if you play your cards right you can get it done for $0), and there are guys that can spend $100 on an evening and not get one.I have to say I don't see the imporance of #7 on a first date, and if I were you I wouldn't give up on going on a 2nd date because you don't get a kiss. Like it has been said many times in here, us fellas can't read minds and pick up on every hint. Not saying that you should ask for a kiss, but if you don't get one it doesn't mean the guy isn't interested.
Asking for a kiss is a big no no for a guy. A woman expects a guy to take charge in this regard, and that’s why there’s a way to set up a kiss. The light touches, the hand holding, etc, these are ways to test the waters before going for the kiss.
Guys want to kiss women. If a guy doesn't do it, either the pre-testing came up bad (no chemistry) or he doesn't have the skill set to get it done.0 -
Bottom line I would really hate it if some unknown "test" was being taken on me and because I failed in a simple thing the lady never wanted to see me again.
I will flat out say that if anyone,male or female is going to do that then they really need to look inside themselves and ask how worthy they are of companionship.
No offense intended but one of the things that kind of bugs me.
This.
Everyone has different comfort levels. Everyone is coming into the first date situation with a myriad of experiences behind them that shape their behavior a certain way, that the other person obviously wouldn't know about unless they were friends first or had mutual friends that filled them in, etc. I got a hug at the beginning and end of the date I went on a couple weeks ago. That was absolutely fine with me. I was not ready for a kiss anyway and either he wasn't ready, either, or he wasn't going to risk it not knowing for sure what my comfort zone/boundaries were.0 -
I have to say I don't see the imporance of #7 on a first date, and if I were you I wouldn't give up on going on a 2nd date because you don't get a kiss. Like it has been said many times in here, us fellas can't read minds and pick up on every hint. Not saying that you should ask for a kiss, but if you don't get one it doesn't mean the guy isn't interested.Asking for a kiss is a big no no for a guy. A woman expects a guy to take charge in this regard, and that’s why there’s a way to set up a kiss. The light touches, the hand holding, etc, these are ways to test the waters before going for the kiss.
Guys want to kiss women. If a guy doesn't do it, either the pre-testing came up bad (no chemistry) or he doesn't have the skill set to get it done.
DM said it perfectly, I am looking for a guy to take charge, that is an important quality for me. Usually, if they don't kiss me on the first, they typically don't try on the second and third date (from my experience) and I'm talking about dinner dates not coffee meetups. So why should I keep wasting their time and money when they aren't enough sparks to kiss?0 -
Once upon a time I didn't kiss on 1st date. I was new at dating and thought it was the right thing to do, didn't mean I wasn't interested.
I do kiss on 1st date now and so far so good.
Last night, my date bet me during pool (if he could get a certain ball in) and the prize was a kiss. It was fun!! Then he kept betting me and I kept losing lol.
I agree with all points DM. Some are mandatory though where others I can overlook on the 1st date.0 -
I have to say I don't see the imporance of #7 on a first date, and if I were you I wouldn't give up on going on a 2nd date because you don't get a kiss. Like it has been said many times in here, us fellas can't read minds and pick up on every hint. Not saying that you should ask for a kiss, but if you don't get one it doesn't mean the guy isn't interested.Asking for a kiss is a big no no for a guy. A woman expects a guy to take charge in this regard, and that’s why there’s a way to set up a kiss. The light touches, the hand holding, etc, these are ways to test the waters before going for the kiss.
Guys want to kiss women. If a guy doesn't do it, either the pre-testing came up bad (no chemistry) or he doesn't have the skill set to get it done.
DM said it perfectly, I am looking for a guy to take charge, that is an important quality for me. Usually, if they don't kiss me on the first, they typically don't try on the second and third date (from my experience) and I'm talking about dinner dates not coffee meetups. So why should I keep wasting their time and money when they aren't enough sparks to kiss?
Yeah still don't agree. Woman leave guys with a steaming pile of *kitten* confusion. If it takes a dude a second date to sort everything out I don't say he has any more or less skill in getting a kiss. And honestly I would say most woman are going to take one for the team even if they didn't want the peck on the lips, just to avoid awkwardness... You just won't hear from them again after. Think of how many crappy dates you have been on girls... would you really want the president to be every Creepy McGee going for a kiss to show his assertiveness and skill??0 -
Sometimes DM you hit it on the buzzer...
Being on time is a huge deal for me. I hate being late and I hate when your running late. Woe betide you if you dont call me and tell me your running late and I'm left sitting there for more than 10 mins.....
Also apperance. I'm not a dressy person by nature but I always make sure I look nice when I go out. If you look like you havent washed your hair in six weeks we will have a problem......
Now to the all important kiss. If a guy doesnt atleast try to kiss me Im gonna think he isnt interested. I want that kiss at the end of a first date.(if its a good date)..If not it doesnt matter how good the conversation is or how much we have in common. The chemestry is the final piece in the tri-force of attraction (lol sorry was playing Zelda last night)0 -
Some things DM (and most of you) care about that don’t bother me:
1. I don’t worry much about “pre-selection” as I’ll pretty much go on a first date/meet with anyone unless I already know I’m not interested in anything long term. I've met a lot of great people I missed out on last time when I was being more picky.
2. I also don’t worry too much about punctuality as long as there is constant communication. The kind of guy I like is going to be in charge of things like I am at work and that lifestyle is fluid. Plus I am a single mom so things always come up that cause you to be late. Seemed like every time I had a date that’s when something went wrong at the daycare. So I don’t sweat him being late as long as there’s communication. I do not like sitting alone for too login because guys approach me and I’ve had dates (who were late) get mad at me for being polite and chatting. But if someone tells me they’re running late, I can go shop or something to fill up the time0 -
Most guys I meet don’t kiss on the first date. I like this. I figure they, like me, want to get to know someone a little before getting all physical. Mr. BB didn’t kiss me until after our 4th date (but WOW did he make up for it, and I have the scar to prove it, lol).
I’m actually turned off by guys who kiss on the lips at the start of a date (cheek is ok depending on culture). I’m also turned off on guys who insist on first dates with very close proximity and a whole lot of touching during a first date. This is for 2 reasons:
1. I don't know you, and I'm not an object. Back off.
2. I used to go on a LOT of first dates. Shreveport’s a big town, but there’s only so many places you can go for a “nice dinner” and I don’t want to be seen with 2-3 guys all over me in the same week. Even though that I’m not taking those guys home, that’s the impression people get when they see you doing that.
As to the original question, what makes a great first date for me is:
1. A venue/activity that gives us lots of time and ability to talk (nothing loud or hard to see each other)
2. Him suggesting something “safe” where I don’t have to feel like a meanie for telling him no due to safety concerns (that is, don’t ask me to go with you on a 5 mile hike in the woods. And if you ask, don’t get all in a huff when I say no because I’ve never met you before.
3. If a guy looks/smells good- and is dressed for the occasion. I hate showing up at a swanky restaurant where I’m in a slammin dress and my date is in shorts sandals and ball cap. If you wanna go casual, let's go to a casual place.0 -
#7. Definitely #7.
I know lots of people..I have great friends I can go out with, both women and men. We talk, share details about ourselves, exchange ideas and laugh. A lot!
However, if I'm looking to date and be interested in someone.. I NEED chemistry, and that just doesn't happen with everyone. I have, on two occasions, known that the chemistry was ridiculous and instant (sigh)... but more often I need to get to the kiss stage to really be able to tell.
Having said that.. I'm really not focused on rules or propriety. If it feels right.. I go with it..wherever that may be. I am also pretty obvious if I want you to kiss me. ha ha
This philosophy of being focused on feelings, spontaneity and "life is too short" hasn't always served me perfectly.. but I try to balance it with being fairly realistic and an adult.. most of the time.
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