What Does a Good First Date Look Like?
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I mean whatever happened to meeting someone while your out with frinds and going on a date later...
The few times I've been asked out by someone I met while hanging out with friends or grocery shopping I still felt the same way:. I do not know you. I may have interacted with you pleasantly for a few minutes, but I don't know you. And if I don't know you, I'm not inclined to do much physically.0 -
Format of the first date was not a relevant consideration to the 7 point list I made. The 7 point list is the same whether you're going out with someone you met on a dating site or in real life first.
The first date vs. first meet is semantical nonsense. If I am leaving my apartment to meet a woman that I am attracted to with the intention of pursuing something more than regular friendship, that is a date.
I disagree again... dang DM we are not on the same page today! I had known my ex for 20 years before we started dating, so I knew her really well and it went really well be cause we were both comfortable with each other.... there was a lot of making out on that first date and the relationship lasted 2 years. Now I thought I had picked out some pretty good dates on POF and left there thinking what a waste of Fing time by the end. I think the level of knowing them comes into play... it's just an extra step in making both parties feel comfortable.0 -
Format of the first date was not a relevant consideration to the 7 point list I made. The 7 point list is the same whether you're going out with someone you met on a dating site or in real life first.
The first date vs. first meet is semantical nonsense. If I am leaving my apartment to meet a woman that I am attracted to with the intention of pursuing something more than regular friendship, that is a date.
I disagree again... dang DM we are not on the same page today! I had known my ex for 20 years before we started dating, so I knew her really well and it went really well be cause we were both comfortable with each other.... there was a lot of making out on that first date and the relationship lasted 2 years. Now I thought I had picked out some pretty good dates on POF and left there thinking what a waste of Fing time by the end. I think the level of knowing them comes into play... it's just an extra step in making both parties feel comfortable.
^^^^^ And yet you and I seem to be in complete agreement today how weird lol:noway:
My ex-husband and I had known each other from high school and we were 19 when we started dating so it was very much jump in with both feet because we knew so much about each other.... With MR N.G. I knew nothing about him .. However the night we met at the bar we spent a couple of hours talking before he asked me out . I felt much more comfortable going out with him after having gotten to know him a little. Plus I called my band boys to ask them what they knew about him (his nephew is the drummer lol).... I honestly think foreknowledge of a person can make a big difference in how the date goes.0 -
Girls, are you looking at my shoes? My face is up here!
Funny!0 -
Format of the first date was not a relevant consideration to the 7 point list I made. The 7 point list is the same whether you're going out with someone you met on a dating site or in real life first.
The first date vs. first meet is semantical nonsense. If I am leaving my apartment to meet a woman that I am attracted to with the intention of pursuing something more than regular friendship, that is a date.
I disagree again... dang DM we are not on the same page today! I had known my ex for 20 years before we started dating, so I knew her really well and it went really well be cause we were both comfortable with each other.... there was a lot of making out on that first date and the relationship lasted 2 years. Now I thought I had picked out some pretty good dates on POF and left there thinking what a waste of Fing time by the end. I think the level of knowing them comes into play... it's just an extra step in making both parties feel comfortable.
Ok, so what if on one of your POF date, you had awesome conversation with lady and was extremely interested in then why won't you want to kiss her on the first date?
To further my statement from before - no kiss is not an only deal breaker for a second date IF I really am interested and feel they are interested in me, but lately it seems to have been a good indicator that I shouldn't agree to a second date. I am looking for a confident guy that knows how to take charge of a situation so usually those guys that kiss on the first date and are the ones I like the most and am interested in pursuing more with.0 -
Some people just don't like to be intimate with people they just met which can include kissing. I don't even like to be touched by someone that I barely know much less kissed. I have gotten over this more lately especially when I am drinking but when I was younger (early 20s) I just had too many guys grope within the same night as meeting that I have put walls up.0
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Some people just don't like to be intimate with people they just met which can include kissing. I don't even like to be touched by someone that I barely know much less kissed. I have gotten over this more lately especially when I am drinking but when I was younger (early 20s) I just had too many guys grope within the same night as meeting that I have put walls up.
I'm with you on this one. Touching strangers feels weird.
I also don't like going in for the kiss out of some sense of obligation. I prefer to save this for an actual moment where it "feels right" whatever that means. That generally wouldn't be on my first date, ESPECIALLY if it was from online dating and literally the first time I've met the chick.0 -
Format of the first date was not a relevant consideration to the 7 point list I made. The 7 point list is the same whether you're going out with someone you met on a dating site or in real life first.
The first date vs. first meet is semantical nonsense. If I am leaving my apartment to meet a woman that I am attracted to with the intention of pursuing something more than regular friendship, that is a date.
I disagree again... dang DM we are not on the same page today! I had known my ex for 20 years before we started dating, so I knew her really well and it went really well be cause we were both comfortable with each other.... there was a lot of making out on that first date and the relationship lasted 2 years. Now I thought I had picked out some pretty good dates on POF and left there thinking what a waste of Fing time by the end. I think the level of knowing them comes into play... it's just an extra step in making both parties feel comfortable.
Ok, so what if on one of your POF date, you had awesome conversation with lady and was extremely interested in then why won't you want to kiss her on the first date?
To further my statement from before - no kiss is not an only deal breaker for a second date IF I really am interested and feel they are interested in me, but lately it seems to have been a good indicator that I shouldn't agree to a second date. I am looking for a confident guy that knows how to take charge of a situation so usually those guys that kiss on the first date and are the ones I like the most and am interested in pursuing more with.
How does a kiss determine taking charge?? wouldn't I also be taking charge by not kissing you in order to get to know you better?? Couldn't it also be considered confident if I were to let you get a better look at who I am, rather than rush into physical stuff. I mean I'm down right and dirty confident in myself... my point is after a few hours of meeting someone you're really only seeing the surface... and usually that looks better than what's really there.
To answer your question... It would have to feel right... I'm with jesusHchris, I'm not just going to make out with someone because the first conversation was good or to secure a 2nd date.0 -
I also don't like going in for the kiss out of some sense of obligation. I prefer to save this for an actual moment where it "feels right" whatever that means. That generally wouldn't be on my first date, ESPECIALLY if it was from online dating and literally the first time I've met the chick.
Amen
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Ok, so what if on one of your POF date, you had awesome conversation with lady and was extremely interested in then why won't you want to kiss her on the first date?
To further my statement from before - no kiss is not an only deal breaker for a second date IF I really am interested and feel they are interested in me, but lately it seems to have been a good indicator that I shouldn't agree to a second date. I am looking for a confident guy that knows how to take charge of a situation so usually those guys that kiss on the first date and are the ones I like the most and am interested in pursuing more with.
There are a number of different ways to gauge attraction levels prior to going in for the kiss. I look for these signals. If I don't get the signals, I don't go in for the kiss because it is very hard to recover from a failed kiss attempt.
I have noticed as well that if there is a no kiss first date, even if I offer a 2nd, the 2nd date is more often than not turned down.
A good kiss is a strong indicator that she wants more.0 -
I also don't like going in for the kiss out of some sense of obligation.
Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!
FWIW, I (as a lady) do not want to feel like the man is entitled to a kiss just because he showed me a good time. Let's get to know each other and when the moment is right, it's right.0 -
^Totally agree except for the part about why you're still single LOL!The kissing needs a little bit more substance than just a one second peck. There needs to be more passion to it, and definitely more time.
There will not be more passion on a first date with someone I just met two-four hours ago. Sorry. Ain't gonna happen.
Maybe if we were old friends who met 10 years ago when we were both still married and we've got that relationship already established. But someone I just met? Is that really what you men are looking for? Someone who will let you stick your tongue down her throat on the first day you meet?
That explains why I’m still single. Lol.
Online date - we're total strangers. A kiss on the cheek is fine at most. I don't like strangers touching me or being in my space, so I need time to get to know them and become comfortable.
Old friend who I agreed to go on a date with - probably already has the green light going into the date! 0 -
Format of the first date was not a relevant consideration to the 7 point list I made. The 7 point list is the same whether you're going out with someone you met on a dating site or in real life first.
The first date vs. first meet is semantical nonsense. If I am leaving my apartment to meet a woman that I am attracted to with the intention of pursuing something more than regular friendship, that is a date.
I disagree again... dang DM we are not on the same page today! I had known my ex for 20 years before we started dating, so I knew her really well and it went really well be cause we were both comfortable with each other.... there was a lot of making out on that first date and the relationship lasted 2 years. Now I thought I had picked out some pretty good dates on POF and left there thinking what a waste of Fing time by the end. I think the level of knowing them comes into play... it's just an extra step in making both parties feel comfortable.
Ok, so what if on one of your POF date, you had awesome conversation with lady and was extremely interested in then why won't you want to kiss her on the first date?
To further my statement from before - no kiss is not an only deal breaker for a second date IF I really am interested and feel they are interested in me, but lately it seems to have been a good indicator that I shouldn't agree to a second date. I am looking for a confident guy that knows how to take charge of a situation so usually those guys that kiss on the first date and are the ones I like the most and am interested in pursuing more with.
How does a kiss determine taking charge?? wouldn't I also be taking charge by not kissing you in order to get to know you better?? Couldn't it also be considered confident if I were to let you get a better look at who I am, rather than rush into physical stuff. I mean I'm down right and dirty confident in myself... my point is after a few hours of meeting someone you're really only seeing the surface... and usually that looks better than what's really there.
To answer your question... It would have to feel right... I'm with jesusHchris, I'm not just going to make out with someone because the first conversation was good or to secure a 2nd date.
I didn't say make out, get naked, get physical or anything else besides kiss. But if I like a guy and he likes me, I would love to be kissed on the first date, since if I don't want to kiss you- I tend not to be interested. This is just my PREFERENCE. Maybe I have been dating a lot of guys that lack the confidence to even touch me, let alone kiss me but it can be a good indicator for me. I also said that is not a complete dealbreaker if I don't get kissed but to me, it's just the cherry on top of a sundae after a good date.
Since I believe getting an innocent first date kiss from a guy I am interested in, is not scary. Plus if I am NOT interested, I can turn my head and walk away.
Oh yeah, online or not, I can typically tell when meeting with a guy for 3-4 hours whether I want to see him again. And the only reason I would want to see him again, is because I am interested.0 -
I just passed date #3 last night and still no kiss... but I'm just now starting to really like this guy. :bigsmile:There are a number of different ways to gauge attraction levels prior to going in for the kiss. I look for these signals. If I don't get the signals, I don't go in for the kiss because it is very hard to recover from a failed kiss attempt.
I have noticed as well that if there is a no kiss first date, even if I offer a 2nd, the 2nd date is more often than not turned down.
A good kiss is a strong indicator that she wants more.0 -
I just want to say, be careful about applying rules and expectations on first dates. It is hard enough to find somebody, and getting immediately turned off because they didn't do a, b, or c is just going to make the search even more daunting.
This.
It's a nice list, great to generate discussion here. But I would caution against any hard and fast rules. Every person is different, every situation is different. Lasting relationships are rarely built from the results of a first date check list.
--P0 -
I have noticed as well that if there is a no kiss first date, even if I offer a 2nd, the 2nd date is more often than not turned down.
That really stinks. Are you sure it's not just the lack of the kiss that's turning them off but maybe something else? I rarely have a guy try to kiss me on the 1st date, usually on the 2nd. I get a fair amount of 2nd dates, so I don't think "no kiss" means no 2nd date.
Like I said w/Mr. BB didn't kiss me until the 4th date. And it honestly was a very awkward peck, almost like he felt it was something he *had* to do, lol. Those who followed my saga know his next kiss was infinitely more successful, but the point I'm trying to make is he had plenty of other indicators that I (eventually) want more if things kept going the way they were. Edit to add: He took a while to kiss me, but I didn't need a kiss to know he was interested because he always set the next date before that current date is over (and still does, even now, when we've been seeing each other once every 5-10 days for 3 months).
Not trying to be snarky in any way. It’s just that you keep saying if you don’t kiss her she doesn’t go out with you again. Perhaps it’s something else. Guys generally don’t “not go out with me” again b/c I didn’t kiss them. Usually it’s because they get the “she waits for marriage” vibe, even if I don’t directly say it. I know this because I’ve actually asked a couple what it was that pushed them away and this is the most common answer. So maybe you should look at why, when you obviously can plan a great first date, is your second date success rate so low.0 -
In general, I'm no longer a first date kisser, either. Especially if we're meeting for the first time, or all of our interactions beforehand had been very casual. Again, there are always exceptions, but I don't feel comfortable kissing someone whom I've only just met. But this is quite different from how I acted in my 20's.
Like someone said, what's the rush? I'm not talking about a long wait. By date #2 I can almost promise some lip bumping. If I ask her out after our first date, it means I'm very interested. If she accepts, she apparently is, too. Win-win.
If you go too fast - get too intimate, too quickly, even if it's only a kiss - you can start along a path that may have a dead end. Something you perhaps could have prevented if you paid a bit more attention on date 1 or 2. Rushing intimacy can lead to a string of 2 month relationships. And that's not really my goal right now.
--P0 -
Interesting discussion, all. I wonder if there are any cultural differences that come into play here. I know that I am more likely to stand too close than too far away from someone (compared to the average Canadian) and am quite comfortable with strangers touching me (yes I know that sounds weird!). My family is a very kissy bunch.. in fact we do kiss on the lips still at times (a peck obviously). I have some friends we kiss on the cheek and/or I have also kissed on the lips. So for me.. I don't know... maybe a kiss doesn't mean as much as to others?0
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Guys generally don’t “not go out with me” again b/c I didn’t kiss them. Usually it’s because they get the “she waits for marriage” vibe, even if I don’t directly say it.
Isn't that basically a variation of the same idea?0 -
Guys generally don’t “not go out with me” again b/c I didn’t kiss them. Usually it’s because they get the “she waits for marriage” vibe, even if I don’t directly say it.
Isn't that basically a variation of the same idea?
That you asked this question explains a lot. Of course, there is a generation between us, lol. :flowerforyou:0
