How long is too long...?

spyder_rose

How long is too long in the face of being single?

I'm coming up to 5 years single... In that time I have dated quite a few guys, all unsuccessfuly (either me not feeling it, or them not feeling it... mostly, the guys I liked did not like me and vice versa)...

I now feel like I will be #foreversingle (yes, I have even started hash-tagging.. it's a real problem)...

Then there is the issue of actually meeting guys... I've tried it all. Singles nights, single competitions, online dating, meeting guys through friends (often disastrous)...

I'm 26, nearly 27 and in my life time, I have only had 2 guys ask for my phone number... I have had to instigate what dates I have been on and have paid for 98% of them...

What the hell am I doing wrong? Or is it just the "type" I attract/am attracted to is not right for me?

HellsKells

Not that this is going to make you feel any better, but I'm older and have been single a lot longer. It's not the end of the world....haha.

Try to just have fun with your life and not worry about whether or not you're going to die alone (we all do!!). The sooner you are happy WITHOUT someone, the sooner that right guy will walk into your life. Maybe it's stupid to think this way, but I truly believe it.

christine24t

While at the bookstore today, I was browsing this book called The Rules. A lot of people don't like it and I have to admit its not perfect but it made a good point. If a guy is scared to ask you out, how aggressive will he be in the relationship? The book said it sets a precedent that you control the relationship, and a guy wants to control the relationship.

Take what you want from that, but perhaps if what you're doing right now is wrong you should switch it up, but you said you have done everything. But maybe change how you're doing it? If you go to a certain kind of bar, try another type. The people I see at country bars and downtown bars are completely different. Try a different online site.

DMZ_1

While at the bookstore today, I was browsing this book called The Rules.

The Rules is a self help book that does more harm than good. Sure, there are some nuggets of good advice in there, but on the whole it advises a lot of nonsense. Some of that stuff, when done to me, gets me really annoyed..

MikeM53082

Being single isn't the worst thing in the world as long as you make good use of your free time. I've been single for quite some time, but I find myself busy with hobbies, working out, and friends nearly 24/7. I recommend finding what your truly interested in. Over the past 5 years, my interests ranged from redneck hobbies (building AR-15's and learning the ins and outs of cars) to high brow activities (wine tastings, gallery openings/art festivals, international cuisine).

Bottom line, being single isn't so bad as long as you make good use of your excess time with interesting hobbies.

Also, if you are attracting the wrong type of people, try reinventing yourself. Don't be one of these girls who has that attitude "I am who I am and if you don't like it, buzz off", that attitude will repel just about any decent guy.

HellsKells

Also, if you are attracting the wrong type of people, try reinventing yourself. Don't be one of these girls who has that attitude "I am who I am and if you don't like it, buzz off", that attitude will repel just about any decent guy.

This may be the worst advice I've ever read on here. You're suggesting she change who she fundamentally is, just to hook a guy? Ugh. Disgusting.

MikeM53082

Also, if you are attracting the wrong type of people, try reinventing yourself. Don't be one of these girls who has that attitude "I am who I am and if you don't like it, buzz off", that attitude will repel just about any decent guy.

This may be the worst advice I've ever read on here. You're suggesting she change who she fundamentally is, just to hook a guy? Ugh. Disgusting.

Or she can just stay on the current path, since it's worked so well for her in the past.

What's so wrong with re-inventing yourself? Get in shape, get a boob job, get a makeover, new clothes, nicer car, etc etc.. These will drastically improve any girls life.

HellsKells

A boob job and a nicer car? Seriously?

I'm not even going to bother commenting further. I'll just say something mean.

Good luck, OP.

spyder_rose

Also, if you are attracting the wrong type of people, try reinventing yourself. Don't be one of these girls who has that attitude "I am who I am and if you don't like it, buzz off", that attitude will repel just about any decent guy.

This may be the worst advice I've ever read on here. You're suggesting she change who she fundamentally is, just to hook a guy? Ugh. Disgusting.

Or she can just stay on the current path, since it's worked so well for her in the past.

What's so wrong with re-inventing yourself? Get in shape, get a boob job, get a makeover, new clothes, nicer car, etc etc.. These will drastically improve any girls life.

Um well I'm an 8FF in bust so the only way I can go is down in size not up.

I have a high paying successful government job. I dress expensively and have been told i am intimidating despite my slight size (4 foot 8)... I am fit & my body is in shape (despite me wanting to improve that even more)...

I don't go to pubs or clubs. Only seedy guys there in Australia...

And I've tried just about every online site there is haha.

Maybe I am just meant to be single.

Prahasaurus

You're attractive, you have nice eyes. I'm stumped...

Perhaps it's just the old saying about having to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince? You need to meet more people, get involved with more activities you like, and give it time.

Sometimes trying to force things ("I need to find someone!") tends to make the process more difficult. Like Kells said, it's a perfect time to focus on yourself, do more things you like to do, that makes you a better, more fulfilled, happier person. Ideally in a way that involves other people.

You're still very young. You'll find someone. Just don't compromise your standards because you begin to feel something is wrong with you. That would be a terrible mistake.

--P

jaysonhijinx

You're attractive, you have nice eyes. I'm stumped...

Perhaps it's just the old saying about having to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince? You need to meet more people, get involved with more activities you like, and give it time.

Sometimes trying to force things ("I need to find someone!") tends to make the process more difficult. Like Kells said, it's a perfect time to focus on yourself, do more things you like to do, that makes you a better, more fulfilled, happier person. Ideally in a way that involves other people.

You're still very young. You'll find someone. Just don't compromise your standards because you begin to feel something is wrong with you. That would be a terrible mistake.

--P

Hmm, a lot of the above post sounds like stuff I've said before in one of our numerous rants about relationships and whatnot. Maybe we should go to karaoke or a nice bar (not a dank pub) and I can be your wingman, haha.

Prahasaurus

Hmm, a lot of the above post sounds like stuff I've said before in one of our numerous rants about relationships and whatnot. Maybe we should go to karaoke or a nice bar (not a dank pub) and I can be your wingman, haha.

Better yet, if the OP's from Sydney, ask her out.

--P

spyder_rose

Lol Karaoke was my suggestion Jayson...So I am all for it. But beware. I am a microphone hog.

Lol he's in the friend zone.

Antlady69

I don't have any suggestions for you on how to solve the problem of being single / finding the right guy (20 years single myself, had to give up on dating), but if you're on Twitter, this Tweeter might make you smile - and recognize yourself: https://twitter.com/forever__single

jaysonhijinx

Lol Karaoke was my suggestion Jayson...So I am all for it. But beware. I am a microphone hog.

Lol he's in the friend zone.

I know, that's why I reiterated it. You can hog the mic all you like too It could lead to attention and ice breakers with single, eligible men in said bar! xD

And friend zone is the right zone, especially since we know each others general type and don't fit those profiles (mmm, WH xD).

shammxo

Boob job? Seriously? Wow..

Anyways, I understand that 5 years sounds like a long time, but being single really isn't that bad... Like Kells said... You have that much more time to work on yourself, and try to maybe meet some goals. If you're constantly in the mindset of trying to find a guy, it's going to make it that much harder to find one. Maybe stop looking, and you'll be surprised what happens. Relationships shouldn't be forced.

DMZ_1

How long is too long in the face of being single?

I'm coming up to 5 years single... In that time I have dated quite a few guys, all unsuccessfuly (either me not feeling it, or them not feeling it... mostly, the guys I liked did not like me and vice versa)...

I now feel like I will be #foreversingle (yes, I have even started hash-tagging.. it's a real problem)...

Then there is the issue of actually meeting guys... I've tried it all. Singles nights, single competitions, online dating, meeting guys through friends (often disastrous)...

I'm 26, nearly 27 and in my life time, I have only had 2 guys ask for my phone number... I have had to instigate what dates I have been on and have paid for 98% of them...

What the hell am I doing wrong? Or is it just the "type" I attract/am attracted to is not right for me?

I'd be curious to know why things didn't work through mutual friend setups. I am a big believer in the "friend of friend" network to find compatible partners.

I don't quite see why you've had to do the asking out and paying.

MaraDiaz

You're cute, too, I don't know what's up, maybe you're just not going out to the right places and giving off the right vibe. Hold your head up, smile a lot, hang out in public with girl friends, go dancing, you're too young to feel like a spinster just yet. Now when you hit four years without even going on a date at all and you're 40, then we can talk. But hopefully you never will have the joy of that experience.

It could be self-sabotage, too, despite the heartache and loneliness, are you sure you're ready to give up your single, man-free life? Because believe me, it has its advantages, too, something no one ever could have told me until I started living it.

AnnaPixie

I dont think you're doing anything wrong OP. You are dating, you just need to meet the right guy. Keep on dating and having fun in the mean time.

Obviously avoiding any bloke like the plague who thinks that, even though there is nothing wrong with the boobs you have, a boob job' would drastically improve your life'!! :noway:

pa_jorg

Also, if you are attracting the wrong type of people, try reinventing yourself. Don't be one of these girls who has that attitude "I am who I am and if you don't like it, buzz off", that attitude will repel just about any decent guy.

This may be the worst advice I've ever read on here. You're suggesting she change who she fundamentally is, just to hook a guy? Ugh. Disgusting.

Or she can just stay on the current path, since it's worked so well for her in the past.

What's so wrong with re-inventing yourself? Get in shape, get a boob job, get a makeover, new clothes, nicer car, etc etc.. These will drastically improve any girls life.

Mike, why do I have to make this face :noway: almost every time you post!? Seriously!?

To the OP: It can be very hard to do, but if you can change your mindset from feeling bad about your situation to finding things you that make you happy now, it will open up many new outlets for you! :flowerforyou:

kerrymh

Also, if you are attracting the wrong type of people, try reinventing yourself. Don't be one of these girls who has that attitude "I am who I am and if you don't like it, buzz off", that attitude will repel just about any decent guy.

This may be the worst advice I've ever read on here. You're suggesting she change who she fundamentally is, just to hook a guy? Ugh. Disgusting.

Or she can just stay on the current path, since it's worked so well for her in the past.

What's so wrong with re-inventing yourself? Get in shape, get a boob job, get a makeover, new clothes, nicer car, etc etc.. These will drastically improve any girls life.

OK I'm really sick of this fake boob thing you have going on...if all women were meant to have "perfect" boobs we'd be born with them. geez..to me it tells alot about someone when he finds something essentially fake attractive.

MissingMinnesota

Also, if you are attracting the wrong type of people, try reinventing yourself. Don't be one of these girls who has that attitude "I am who I am and if you don't like it, buzz off", that attitude will repel just about any decent guy.

This may be the worst advice I've ever read on here. You're suggesting she change who she fundamentally is, just to hook a guy? Ugh. Disgusting.

Or she can just stay on the current path, since it's worked so well for her in the past.

What's so wrong with re-inventing yourself? Get in shape, get a boob job, get a makeover, new clothes, nicer car, etc etc.. These will drastically improve any girls life.

OK I'm really sick of this fake boob thing you have going on...if all women were meant to have "perfect" boobs we'd be born with them. geez..to me it tells alot about someone when he finds something essentially fake attractive.

BTW do you know how much a good boob job costs? How would a guy feel if we told him he wouldn't get a girl unless he got his third leg enlarged?

DMZ_1

I'm pretty sure that breast size and breast shape are not the primary issues here.

Why don't we all take a deep breath and focus our energies on the true issue? The true issue, at least as I see it, is that the OP desires a change in the way her interactions progress. This to me is a psychological/sociological issue, not a physiological issue. So I think we should all peel the onion a bit, and get to know the substantive issues. I think right thing to do is to help the OP. She asked us for help and we have perspectives that may help her.

Sometimes minor adjustments make all the difference.

flimflamfloz

What the hell am I doing wrong? Or is it just the "type" I attract/am attracted to is not right for me?

To be honest, I think something is wrong >with you< if you've been dating for 5 years and haven't met someone at least half decent, with who you stayed for a few months at the very least.
You seem to have the process of "meeting someone/dating" nailed down (apparently), so I'm thinking you fail to interest/retain those guys you are attracted to for some reason. Not sure what though... We don't have much information.

Who are the guys you are attracted to and how frequently does it happen? Who are the guys you are not attracted to and how frequently does it happen?

Of course if by "I'm single" you mean: I keep dating people for a duration of 6 months but we split after a while - then I can't see anything wrong with that, it's just life.
If all your relationships only last 2 weeks, then surely something is not in order if you're looking for something that would last longer.

MikeM53082

To the OP: It can be very hard to do, but if you can change your mindset from feeling bad about your situation to finding things you that make you happy now, it will open up many new outlets for you! :flowerforyou:

This is the worst advice I've ever seen on here. She can change her mindset, but that won't attract a higher quality of man. It's that type of nonsensical advice that drives me up the wall.

The OP stated that she wants to attract the right type of man for her. If you want to attract a better type of man.. be more attractive. Give the guy a reason to approach you. Changing your outlook won't get any guys attention, getting a nice tan and improving your appearance will.

Is it me or is the Feminazism off the charts on here..

MikeM53082

BTW do you know how much a good boob job costs? How would a guy feel if we told him he wouldn't get a girl unless he got his third leg enlarged?

I dated numerous women over the years that have had their breasts enlarged. The cost really isn't that much compared to the benefits IMHO.

HellsKells

It's probably just your misogyny clouding your vision.

TheKitsune6

I like the idea that women not wanting to turn themselves into a mindless sex doll makes them a feminazi, hahahahaaa!

To the OP: I think your problem is your mindset. Going on about how you're going to be forever alone and oh no I'm single, single is the worst thing in ever!

What makes you so unhappy to be by yourself? Find out and fix it. See a therapist if you need to. We've all been there, we've all had to correct our mentalities once in a while. Honestly if you're going on five years and you're always the aggressor but you don't want to be... maybe you're being drawn to the wrong guy for the wrong reasons.

So first, do what makes YOU happy. Enjoy your time. Read. Go for a walk. Write a short story, or a journal. Watch a bunch of movies that you don't want to admit you like - then admit you like them in public. Make YOU happy. Sure you might be single for a while until something clicks for you, but at least you'll enjoy yourself. Frankly, I'm in a position where I'd rather be alone than try to fit someone into my life right now and while it may sound like a curse to you I love my life and the only changes I want to make are for self betterment for me.

Go find your happy place. It's pretty awesome.

NCTravellingGirl

Ladies, you don't have to agree with Mike, but let's be honest... there is a reason so many women have boob jobs done! They're unhappy with themselves, a man wants them to do it, or whatever the reason, but plastic surgery is more frequent than we'd all admit.

There is nothing wrong with tans, boobs, clothes, cars, etc.... IF, and I say if, that is what YOU need to feel good about yourself. Ideally, that wouldn't be the case! We would all like to just focus on being the best inner person you can be, but that's not why most of us got to where we are and need this site for support. That's what I take Mike's opinion as... feel good about yourself, your confidence will soar, and you're more likely to meet the guy you're looking for.

Whether Mike has a thing for fake boobs and tans is of no concern to me personally. I may or may not agree, but this is why we get to CHOOSE who we date. If you don't like his interest, don't DATE him or get wrapped up in whether it's OK or not for him to like that. Part of what's great on this forum is when all men and women feel open and comfortable enough to share those things we ALL know people think whether we like it or not...

It doesn't sound like that is the case for the OP, so I'm gonna go with Flam's answer on this one. Either the OP is having small relationships that we're not aware of, or there is something happening that she is a part of that is ending the ones she starts. That's not to say it's all her...but only the OP can answer if it's her choice in men or issues she or her date are part of during the developing relationship. She's clearly attractive and has a lot going for her so it feels like we're missing info to really share an opinion. Good Luck OP... if you can't find someone, I'm definitely in trouble

TheKitsune6

Ladies, you don't have to agree with Mike, but let's be honest... there is a reason so many women have boob jobs done! They're unhappy with themselves, a man wants them to do it, or whatever the reason, but plastic surgery is more frequent than we'd all admit.

There is nothing wrong with tans, boobs, clothes, cars, etc.... IF, and I say if, that is what YOU need to feel good about yourself. Ideally, that wouldn't be the case! We would all like to just focus on being the best inner person you can be, but that's not why most of us got to where we are and need this site for support. That's what I take Mike's opinion as... feel good about yourself, your confidence will soar, and you're more likely to meet the guy you're looking for.

Whether Mike has a thing for fake boobs and tans is of no concern to me personally. I may or may not agree, but this is why we get to CHOOSE who we date. If you don't like his interest, don't DATE him or get wrapped up in whether it's OK or not for him to like that. Part of what's great on this forum is when all men and women feel open and comfortable enough to share those things we ALL know people think whether we like it or not...

It doesn't sound like that is the case for the OP, so I'm gonna go with Flam's answer on this one. Either the OP is having small relationships that we're not aware of, or there is something happening that she is a part of that is ending the ones she starts. That's not to say it's all her...but only the OP can answer if it's her choice in men or issues she or her date are part of during the developing relationship. She's clearly attractive and has a lot going for her so it feels like we're missing info to really share an opinion. Good Luck OP... if you can't find someone, I'm definitely in trouble

That's exactly the problem I have with his comments though. She never once said she was unhappy with herself physically, and anyone with any inkling of psychology could see that it obviously isn't the case. Look at her picture, that girl is really good looking.

Then on top of that, the only suggestions he made for betterment weren't for her to be happy by herself, but to buy into the mentality that she needs a man to be happy. He expresses that in order to attract a man obviously she's just not pretty enough and needs to get under a knife ASAP, but be sure to stop by the car lot on your way in. Definitely go into debt because it's worth the cost as long as you find a MAN since otherwise life just isn't worth living. His list of things to improve herself were purely superficial.

This poor OP comes to us, unhappy because she believes that being single is the worst thing there is and he tells her to get a BOOB JOB. I have zero problem with people that want cosmetic surgery because it makes them happy, hell I plan to get some done myself when I'm out of school. My problem is when someone comes up to someone that is clearly unhappy and their suggestion is to make a few more stabs are their self-esteem.

The best part? When anyone that catches on to how horrible these comments are, they're obviously feminazi's. That's just what we need. A woman says "I don't need a partner in my life to be happy with it" and immediately we must be bra burning man haters.

So yeah, let's be honest. The guy is bein' a terrible human being. I can laugh it off, I only hope the OP can too.

Prahasaurus

Ladies, you don't have to agree with Mike, but let's be honest... there is a reason so many women have boob jobs done! They're unhappy with themselves, a man wants them to do it, or whatever the reason, but plastic surgery is more frequent than we'd all admit.

There is nothing wrong with tans, boobs, clothes, cars, etc.... IF, and I say if, that is what YOU need to feel good about yourself. Ideally, that wouldn't be the case! We would all like to just focus on being the best inner person you can be, but that's not why most of us got to where we are and need this site for support. That's what I take Mike's opinion as... feel good about yourself, your confidence will soar, and you're more likely to meet the guy you're looking for.

1 - I think Mike was quite clear that this has nothing to do with "being the best inner person you can be." In fact, he clearly said changing your "outlook" was the "worst" advice possible. You just need a tan and big tits and hello Mr. Right. I don't think he could have been any clearer, no need to water it down.

2 - I had the terrible misfortune of dating one woman with surgically enhanced breasts. I did not realize it before we started dating (it was winter, she wore large sweaters)... :-) And it was the reason we stopped dating. I just couldn't get into it at all. It seemed so fake. I suppose it made her happy to have her breasts enlarged. I'm not saying some women shouldn't do it if their self esteem is somehow linked to the size of their breasts (sounds silly, but I suppose it's an issue for some women). Still, for me personally, it was a huge turn off, and that was that...

3 - I would strongly advise against almost any type of plastic surgery, especially when done to attract a partner. Even if you succeed, who is the "right type of man" that you will ultimately attract? Unless you have a Jersey Shore fetish, you will probably be quite disappointed.

4 - And getting back to the OP, she is quite attractive. My guess is that it's just bad luck so far, and her fortunes will soon change. But if there is an issue, it's certainly not physical.

--P