How long is too long...?
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I did sense some exasperation on the part of the OP, so I'll add some suggestions.
From the information given, we don't know enough. But we do know one thing and that one thing is that she'll get new opportunities to find a compatible relationship.
Being fun to be around is important. Human beings like it when the other person is fun and provides a memorable experience. Be easy to interact with. I let the principles of being fun and easy to interact with guide all of my interactions, both with women and my friends. Besides, Australians are fun people. This shouldn't be too difficult.
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It's probably just your misogyny clouding your vision.
I think I love you.0 -
The last line in the OP's statement is:
"What the hell am I doing wrong? Or is it just the "type" I attract/am attracted to is not right for me?"
I simply recommend if the OP wants to attract a different type of guy, she should look to change herself. Simply changing her outlook or mindset isn't going to change a damn thing when it comes to attracting a guy. Guys don't really give a crap.
What seems to be lost on almost every single one of you is that the "boob job" comment was just an EXAMPLE on how a girl can improve her appearance by having a great set of breasts. If the OP is full chested, then she can probably skip this. Basically, no one is perfect, if you want to attract a better type of guy, you have to up your game. Plain and simple.
I know my 'tough love' approach isn't popular here, but I will be tough on some people because they need it and in the end it will help them. Telling a girl to change her mindset to attract a better man makes no sense at all.0 -
The last line in the OP's statement is:
"What the hell am I doing wrong? Or is it just the "type" I attract/am attracted to is not right for me?"
I simply recommend if the OP wants to attract a different type of guy, she should look to change herself. Simply changing her outlook or mindset isn't going to change a damn thing when it comes to attracting a guy. Guys don't really give a crap.
What seems to be lost on almost every single one of you is that the "boob job" comment was just an EXAMPLE on how a girl can improve her appearance by having a great set of breasts. If the OP is full chested, then she can probably skip this. Basically, no one is perfect, if you want to attract a better type of guy, you have to up your game. Plain and simple.
I know my 'tough love' approach isn't popular here, but I will be tough on some people because they need it and in the end it will help them. Telling a girl to change her mindset to attract a better man makes no sense at all.
Yeah, what she's doing wrong is being unhappy. Personality and "game" do a lot to attract a man, ask any big girl that's able to score (hi, yeah, I think we've met in passing?)
The changes she should make are clearly about mentality and has nothing to do with being unattractive. At no point before you came along was that even considered. As far as saying "guys don't give a crap" why don't you go ahead and eliminate that from your vocabulary because I'm pretty sure "guys" are actually individuals with different preferences that vary from agreeing to you, to being decent human beings that value something beyond large breasts.
Yeah, the boob job was just an example, but EVERY SINGLE example you gave was superficial at best, and damaging at worst ("Boob jobs aren't too expensive, and it's worth it"). You actually advocate debt over happiness. High five bro. "Upping your game" isn't just about appearance, it's about mentality. A woman can be gorgeous and no one will want to be around her if she's a debbie downer, or desperate, or a raging ***** - at least no one worth their weight in salt. So yeah, I would say mentality is a major issue.
Don't talk to me about unpopular tough love. The difference is I think that people all have the potential to be happy with who they are as human beings and don't articulate it in a way that everyone agrees with, and you just tell women that they're not worth the skin they wear because it's not tan enough. That's not tough love, that's just monstrous.0 -
I simply recommend if the OP wants to attract a different type of guy, she should look to change herself. Simply changing her outlook or mindset isn't going to change a damn thing when it comes to attracting a guy. Guys don't really give a crap.
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I know my 'tough love' approach isn't popular here, but I will be tough on some people because they need it and in the end it will help them. Telling a girl to change her mindset to attract a better man makes no sense at all.
It really depends on what type of guy she wants to attract. If she's looking for someone who puts appearance before all else, who thinks a woman's outlook on life and personality are pretty much irrelevant - in short, a very shallow person - then I think your advice is spot on.
--P0 -
I simply recommend if the OP wants to attract a different type of guy, she should look to change herself. Simply changing her outlook or mindset isn't going to change a damn thing when it comes to attracting a guy. Guys don't really give a crap.
....
I know my 'tough love' approach isn't popular here, but I will be tough on some people because they need it and in the end it will help them. Telling a girl to change her mindset to attract a better man makes no sense at all.
It really depends on what type of guy she wants to attract. If she's looking for someone who puts appearance before all else, who thinks a woman's outlook on life and personality are pretty much irrelevant - in short, a very shallow person - then I think your advice is spot on.
--P
Hey, maybe if she gets a tan Mike will date her.
IF her car is nice enough too, of course.0 -
The last line in the OP's statement is:
"What the hell am I doing wrong? Or is it just the "type" I attract/am attracted to is not right for me?"
I simply recommend if the OP wants to attract a different type of guy, she should look to change herself. Simply changing her outlook or mindset isn't going to change a damn thing when it comes to attracting a guy. Guys don't really give a crap.
What seems to be lost on almost every single one of you is that the "boob job" comment was just an EXAMPLE on how a girl can improve her appearance by having a great set of breasts. If the OP is full chested, then she can probably skip this. Basically, no one is perfect, if you want to attract a better type of guy, you have to up your game. Plain and simple.
I know my 'tough love' approach isn't popular here, but I will be tough on some people because they need it and in the end it will help them. Telling a girl to change her mindset to attract a better man makes no sense at all.
Yeah, what she's doing wrong is being unhappy. Personality and "game" do a lot to attract a man, ask any big girl that's able to score (hi, yeah, I think we've met in passing?)
The changes she should make are clearly about mentality and has nothing to do with being unattractive. At no point before you came along was that even considered. As far as saying "guys don't give a crap" why don't you go ahead and eliminate that from your vocabulary because I'm pretty sure "guys" are actually individuals with different preferences that vary from agreeing to you, to being decent human beings that value something beyond large breasts.
Yeah, the boob job was just an example, but EVERY SINGLE example you gave was superficial at best, and damaging at worst ("Boob jobs aren't too expensive, and it's worth it"). You actually advocate debt over happiness. High five bro. "Upping your game" isn't just about appearance, it's about mentality. A woman can be gorgeous and no one will want to be around her if she's a debbie downer, or desperate, or a raging ***** - at least no one worth their weight in salt. So yeah, I would say mentality is a major issue.
Don't talk to me about unpopular tough love. The difference is I think that people all have the potential to be happy with who they are as human beings and don't articulate it in a way that everyone agrees with, and you just tell women that they're not worth the skin they wear because it's not tan enough. That's not tough love, that's just monstrous.
Amen.
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The OP asked for advice. None of us on here have to like each other's advice. We don't even have to agree. It may make us angry when we read things that don't seem logical (to us individually).
But personally I know myself enough to take anything anyone shares and see how it might be of some use. I don't always like it, may not agree, and sometimes it sounds downright ridiculous, but it's their life, their choices, and they're sharing THEIR opinion on here just like the OP asked for. Let HER use it as she chooses.
Calling each other things like misogynist and Feminazi aren't helping anyone. This place is starting to sound like the comments on Yahoo articles.0 -
The whole reason the OP posted on here because she wasn't satisfied by the men she was attracting. Sure, change your mentality and outlook, tha'is fine. But, guys don't lay in bed at night dreaming of a girl with a good outlook on life. They just don't.
There's a good quote "If you don't like your results, change your approach". You can't magically expect men to flock to you all because you have a positive outlook on life, that doesn't happen. You have to mix it up a bit to see what works for you. Start small by getting a makeover and work up from there. You'll get much better results than simply "changing your outlook".0 -
The OP asked for advice. None of us on here have to like each other's advice. We don't even have to agree. It may make us angry when we read things that don't seem logical (to us individually).
But personally I know myself enough to take anything anyone shares and see how it might be of some use. I don't always like it, may not agree, and sometimes it sounds downright ridiculous, but it's their life, their choices, and they're sharing THEIR opinion on here just like the OP asked for. Let HER use it as she chooses.
Calling each other things like misogynist and Feminazi aren't helping anyone. This place is starting to sound like the comments on Yahoo articles.
I am loathe to stifle discussion but at this point I see this as a very wise statement and suggest everyone take a few deep breaths so as to remain civil.0 -
The OP asked for advice. None of us on here have to like each other's advice. We don't even have to agree. It may make us angry when we read things that don't seem logical (to us individually).
But personally I know myself enough to take anything anyone shares and see how it might be of some use. I don't always like it, may not agree, and sometimes it sounds downright ridiculous, but it's their life, their choices, and they're sharing THEIR opinion on here just like the OP asked for. Let HER use it as she chooses.
Calling each other things like misogynist and Feminazi aren't helping anyone. This place is starting to sound like the comments on Yahoo articles.
My problem isn't that his advice was illogical, my problem is that his advice was damaging. If a girl with an eating disorder came on and said that she just binged and felt horrible about it, then someone came up and said "You better purge soon, fatty" I've have a problem with that too. I do believe that his advice was right on par with that type of horror. Telling someone that they're not happy because they're not pretty enough to score a man isn't getting to the root of an issue, it's not being misogynistic, it's not helpful, it's not even funny. It's detrimental, sad, enraging and utterly, completely, totally inexcusable.
I think it's admirable that you are trying to defend all viewpoints. That's wonderful, I think different perspectives are amazing and valuable. Anyone that has something well meaning to say should never be silenced. However what I saw from Mike was not advice, it was harmful and sick (Though I did literally laugh when he pulled out the "feminazi" complaint).The whole reason the OP posted on here because she wasn't satisfied by the men she was attracting. Sure, change your mentality and outlook, tha'is fine. But, guys don't lay in bed at night dreaming of a girl with a good outlook on life. They just don't.
There's a good quote "If you don't like your results, change your approach". You can't magically expect men to flock to you all because you have a positive outlook on life, that doesn't happen. You have to mix it up a bit to see what works for you. Start small by getting a makeover and work up from there. You'll get much better results than simply "changing your outlook".
I've said all I can say to you, at this point I'd just be repeating myself. You either get it, or you don't and it doesn't seem like you're in a listening mood.0 -
single now for 3 1/2 years ... I've come to the point where I think I attract only *kitten*...
But, I will not have a bf just for the sake of having one....
The "right" one will come along at some point :flowerforyou:
I know this will sound lame but when u stop looking is when u meet someone.
And I don't think you're doing anything wrong!!0 -
My problem isn't that his advice was illogical, my problem is that his advice was damaging. If a girl with an eating disorder came on and said that she just binged and felt horrible about it, then someone came up and said "You better purge soon, fatty" I've have a problem with that too. I do believe that his advice was right on par with that type of horror. Telling someone that they're not happy because they're not pretty enough to score a man isn't getting to the root of an issue, it's not being misogynistic, it's not helpful, it's not even funny. It's detrimental, sad, enraging and utterly, completely, totally inexcusable.
I think it's admirable that you are trying to defend all viewpoints. That's wonderful, I think different perspectives are amazing and valuable. Anyone that has something well meaning to say should never be silenced. However what I saw from Mike was not advice, it was harmful and sick (Though I did literally laugh when he pulled out the "feminazi" complaint).
Sorry, but no. I never once name called or suggested anything that could eventually kill her. You're taking this WAY out of perspective.
But, I would advocate to that person that she completely change her ways. Healthy eating and exercise will definitely help. See the difference? I'm sure you won't, but I tried..0 -
I don't think she fails at attracting men, but rather at retaining the ones she wants. She seems to date, and attract at least some men... The problem is we don't know what kind of men she wants and what kind of men she doesn't want.The whole reason the OP posted on here because she wasn't satisfied by the men she was attracting. Sure, change your mentality and outlook, tha'is fine. But, guys don't lay in bed at night dreaming of a girl with a good outlook on life. They just don't.
There's a good quote "If you don't like your results, change your approach". You can't magically expect men to flock to you all because you have a positive outlook on life, that doesn't happen. You have to mix it up a bit to see what works for you. Start small by getting a makeover and work up from there. You'll get much better results than simply "changing your outlook".
Maybe her dating pool is just too small or she isn't in the target market for the kind of men she would like to attract, in what case she's in for a tough fight.
The kind of men she wants to attract might want her to have smaller boobs, a tan, or might want her to know everything about quantum physics (eh who knows, maybe she only digs quantum physicists after all!).
But I agree with you fundamentally that something needs to change...
If OP thinks she would be happier with a man (which she "seems to think" after 5 years), and some here think that having a boob job would help her getting men, then I can't see anything wrong with that.Telling someone that they're not happy because they're not pretty enough to score a man isn't getting to the root of an issue, it's not being misogynistic, it's not helpful, it's not even funny. It's detrimental, sad, enraging and utterly, completely, totally inexcusable.
It's (IMHO) bad advice, as much as someone who would advise her to learn to cook, but I hope OP has enough intelligence to not believe everything she reads on an internet forum.
On a side and related note, I've seen many cases where women who feel unsure about themselves and who want to be beautiful in the eye of their chosen man go for a boob/facejob.
She will tell the world she does it for herself and to be happy, which is true because she finds her happiness in being beautiful in the eyes of this man she loves and thus is generally happier. Isn't all this vicious? :laugh:0 -
I've been divorced 7 years and haven't had a boyfriend. I'm the "nice girl". I need to.quit that. I just started reading "Why Men Love B*tches". I'm not too far in to it yet, but so far it seems to be pretty on point. And when they use the term "b*tch" they aren't talking the devil wears prada, they are meaning it as a woman with confidence, standards, and love for herself. They repeat quite frequently that we should be polite always, but also hold our own and stand our ground when we're being disrespected.0
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On a side and related note, I've seen many cases where women who feel unsure about themselves and who want to be beautiful in the eye of their chosen man go for a boob/facejob.
She will tell the world she does it for herself and to be happy, which is true because she finds her happiness in being beautiful in the eyes of this man she loves and thus is generally happier. Isn't all this vicious? :laugh:
This is one thing I struggle with personally, Flam. I haven't decided if it's that I'm not happy with myself or if I really need the confidence boost, but having surgery has crossed my mind a lot. One of my own female friends has even suggested postponing a trip to Paris we planned because she wants me to Get a Boob Job, (oh the irony of this discussion). As awful as many people think it is to say Get a Boob Job, ironically, it's one thing that DOES hold me back! I've openly shared on another posting that I'm an uneven DD, to the point where the last time I had sex with someone I knew well, I wouldn't take my shirt off. It IS affecting my dating life and confidence.
My whole point of saying we need to be open to people's advice, is that you don't know someone's full story. If I wrote this same question, the advice would range to needing to lose more weight, be happy with myself and being single, try a new dating site, etc.... yet ironically, Mike's advice with a boob job probably is the one thing that would change my confidence. Those who didn't read my ONE posting on this wouldn't have any idea. It may not be right for all, I don't think it's detrimental, and you just don't know the whole story! So let's share openly and be OK with disagreeing 0 -
I don't think there is a 'too long' for being single, but then, I've been single for 20 years (or most of my 47 years, depending where one starts counting) with a few LTR's along the way (I was married for a whopping 3.5 years)
I attract a wide variety of men, it's the ones' that I am *attracted to* that get me... 'cause without fail if he gets my heart fluttering sure as the sun rises in the east, there is something seriously wrong with him (alcoholic, abuser, bi-polar, narcissist, just to name a few) I have always been happy with my own company. I do admit, especially since I've not even had a date for over 2 years, that I get tired of it, lonely, sometimes depressed and angry about it. Then I think about this... 80% of the time I am happy, is the 20% I am not happy worth giving up the 80% I am happy to be unhappy for more than 20% of the time? I think not. (ymmv)
All that being said, the 'best' relationships I've had have been with guys who picked me, vice me picking them.
Best to you,
Pennie0 -
How long is too long in the face of being single?
I'm coming up to 5 years single... In that time I have dated quite a few guys, all unsuccessfuly (either me not feeling it, or them not feeling it... mostly, the guys I liked did not like me and vice versa)...
I now feel like I will be #foreversingle (yes, I have even started hash-tagging.. it's a real problem)...
Then there is the issue of actually meeting guys... I've tried it all. Singles nights, single competitions, online dating, meeting guys through friends (often disastrous)...
I'm 26, nearly 27 and in my life time, I have only had 2 guys ask for my phone number... I have had to instigate what dates I have been on and have paid for 98% of them...
What the hell am I doing wrong? Or is it just the "type" I attract/am attracted to is not right for me?
First of all, don't feel too badly. I didn't go out on too many dates until I was almost your age and then things got interesting for my love life and I eventually met the man I married. Obviously, it didn't work out, but I can't say he was totally the wrong guy if it lasted 10 years. The main difference between my dating period and the void before that was my outlook. I had an idea in my head of the perfect guy I would meet and I was never meeting anyone who would live up to that who reciprocated.
So, what are you doing wrong? Only you can answer that because we haven't seen you in action, but I'll take a stab at this.
For one thing, I wonder if you can change your approach somehow in the whole instigation of dates. It's my belief (and others may disagree with me), that men like to do the chasing. This is why I have had some luck at least getting first dates with men by initiating communication... but never EVER asking them out on the date. If it's a phone call, I am prepared to say goodbye and hang up if he doesn't ask me out. I will just say "it was nice talking to you" and "have a good night". I fear that there would be something off in the dating dynamic if I did the asking, and I would also want to pay as the one inviting (although I am always prepared to pay for it all or at least my half) - I feel like it would give the impression that I am too independent of a woman (Oh no, not a femininazi!!!
) and that could be a turn-off. Don't worry that only a couple guys have ever given you their phone number. Not every guy always works up the guts to face rejection. Just give your phone number over with a smile and the ball is still in his court. If you get the call, the dating dynamic is set.
Secondly, I think you should rethink your approach to the date with guys for whom you say you weren't feeling it. Try to open yourself up to getting to know someone a little better before you write him off completely because lots of great relationships start off without a big bang. Sometimes it takes a couple dates before there's a little bit of a spark (this has been true for me a few times now). As long as the guy seems pretty decent and doesn't repulse you, go out again if he asks. I like to try to think of at least one feature of his that I might find attractive at the outset. Now, I don't mean the guys that really turn you off with their behavior or something about their physical appearance, but if your feelings are more neutral (which I take as "not feeling it"). I would never advocate being in a relationship with someone you don't desire - just that you date more than once to really see if there's any potential there. I'm not sure if you can maybe expand your definition of the type you are attracted to by being a little more open and flexible here. The best thing ever to happen to me for dating was realizing that attraction can ignite and grow after meeting someone a couple of times and getting to know him better since personality is a really big part of attraction for me.
So, don't despair, OP! It's nowhere near too long just yet and you can change a few things (internally) about yourself to maybe change your luck. Keep doing what you're doing (online dating, singles nights, etc.) and smile, be yourself, and have a good time doing it. The person in a club who is smiling and looking like they're having the best time in the room is the one that others want to be around.0 -
On a side and related note, I've seen many cases where women who feel unsure about themselves and who want to be beautiful in the eye of their chosen man go for a boob/facejob.
She will tell the world she does it for herself and to be happy, which is true because she finds her happiness in being beautiful in the eyes of this man she loves and thus is generally happier. Isn't all this vicious? :laugh:
This is one thing I struggle with personally, Flam. I haven't decided if it's that I'm not happy with myself or if I really need the confidence boost, but having surgery has crossed my mind a lot. One of my own female friends has even suggested postponing a trip to Paris we planned because she wants me to Get a Boob Job, (oh the irony of this discussion). As awful as many people think it is to say Get a Boob Job, ironically, it's one thing that DOES hold me back! I've openly shared on another posting that I'm an uneven DD, to the point where the last time I had sex with someone I knew well, I wouldn't take my shirt off. It IS affecting my dating life and confidence.
My whole point of saying we need to be open to people's advice, is that you don't know someone's full story. If I wrote this same question, the advice would range to needing to lose more weight, be happy with myself and being single, try a new dating site, etc.... yet ironically, Mike's advice with a boob job probably is the one thing that would change my confidence. Those who didn't read my ONE posting on this wouldn't have any idea. It may not be right for all, I don't think it's detrimental, and you just don't know the whole story! So let's share openly and be OK with disagreeing
I'd say do whatever makes you happy.
I know a lot of people on here are anti- plastic surgery and would suggest that you simply "change your outlook" instead of going under the knife. I recommend doing what you think is right and what you can live with.
I'm confident that you'll make the right decision.0 -
Not that this is going to make you feel any better, but I'm older and have been single a lot longer. It's not the end of the world....haha.
Try to just have fun with your life and not worry about whether or not you're going to die alone (we all do!!). The sooner you are happy WITHOUT someone, the sooner that right guy will walk into your life. Maybe it's stupid to think this way, but I truly believe it.
totally agree - let him find you. stop trying so hard. Im at that point right now and it finally hit me - im working on myself, maybe he's working on himself and then when the timesright, we'll run into each other.0 -
You know what? Before I gained around 50 lbs., I had a great body. In fact, I was never overweight until around age 19. Then I gained 30 lbs. pretty quickly one summer, and then a good 20 more crept on after college and into my late 20s. I have carried extra weight now for 13 years (ugh), and I can tell you that my luck in the man department has been about the same before and after the weight gain, believe it or not. My great body attracted about the same frequency of men as my 'not-as-great-but-still-decent' body does now. I spent plenty of time around men during my lean-n-sexy years, and I think I always presented myself as a pretty good catch. My point in mentioning this is that improving your looks may seem like a promising solution, but there are really no guarantees.
So, what it comes down to (in my opinion): it's just not the right guy nor the right time, and there isn't much you can do about that unless you force a relationship with the wrong person.
Like the others have said, try and enjoy your time in singlehood. It's not all that bad and you get to learn a lot about yourself. :flowerforyou:0 -
You know what? Before I gained around 50 lbs., I had a great body. In fact, I was never overweight until around age 19. Then I gained 30 lbs. pretty quickly one summer, and then a good 20 more crept on after college and into my late 20s. I have carried extra weight now for 13 years (ugh), and I can tell you that my luck in the man department has been about the same before and after the weight gain, believe it or not. My great body attracted about the same frequency of men as my 'not-as-great-but-still-decent' body does now. I spent plenty of time around men during my lean-n-sexy years, and I think I always presented myself as a pretty good catch. My point in mentioning this is that improving your looks may seem like a promising solution, but there are really no guarantees.
So, what it comes down to (in my opinion): it's just not the right guy nor the right time, and there isn't much you can do about that unless you force a relationship with the wrong person.
Like the others have said, try and enjoy your time in singlehood. It's not all that bad and you get to learn a lot about yourself. :flowerforyou:
You are awesome, porcelain_doll, and I totally agree with you!0 -
You are awesome, porcelain_doll, and I totally agree with you!
Thank you! :flowerforyou:0 -
This is one thing I struggle with personally, Flam. I haven't decided if it's that I'm not happy with myself or if I really need the confidence boost, but having surgery has crossed my mind a lot. One of my own female friends has even suggested postponing a trip to Paris we planned because she wants me to Get a Boob Job, (oh the irony of this discussion). As awful as many people think it is to say Get a Boob Job, ironically, it's one thing that DOES hold me back! I've openly shared on another posting that I'm an uneven DD, to the point where the last time I had sex with someone I knew well, I wouldn't take my shirt off. It IS affecting my dating life and confidence.
My whole point of saying we need to be open to people's advice, is that you don't know someone's full story. If I wrote this same question, the advice would range to needing to lose more weight, be happy with myself and being single, try a new dating site, etc.... yet ironically, Mike's advice with a boob job probably is the one thing that would change my confidence. Those who didn't read my ONE posting on this wouldn't have any idea. It may not be right for all, I don't think it's detrimental, and you just don't know the whole story! So let's share openly and be OK with disagreeing
I'd say do whatever makes you happy.
I know a lot of people on here are anti- plastic surgery and would suggest that you simply "change your outlook" instead of going under the knife. I recommend doing what you think is right and what you can live with.
I'm confident that you'll make the right decision.
It's a shame you're missing the forest for the trees here...I don't get the impression that most posters are anti-plastic surgery, we just don't believe it needs to be the first piece of advice given, especially when the question is not physical in nature. And I think most, if not all of us, would agree that NC should do whatever makes her happy in this regard - it's clearly a legitimate concern so if she decided to have surgery, I for one, would support her 100%.
This is the worst advice I've ever seen on here. She can change her mindset, but that won't attract a higher quality of man. It's that type of nonsensical advice that drives me up the wall.To the OP: It can be very hard to do, but if you can change your mindset from feeling bad about your situation to finding things you that make you happy now, it will open up many new outlets for you! :flowerforyou:
The OP stated that she wants to attract the right type of man for her. If you want to attract a better type of man.. be more attractive. Give the guy a reason to approach you. Changing your outlook won't get any guys attention, getting a nice tan and improving your appearance will.
Is it me or is the Feminazism off the charts on here..
Wow, I guess I missed the memo when Webster's Dictionary changed the word 'superficial' to "a higher quality of man". So glad I haven't wasted time working on my inner self since it takes all my energy to lug around these big fake boobs I got today after reading this thread! 0 -
okay you are beautiful. maybe you are looking too much! i find that the less you focus on something the easier it comes. so relax and enjoy being single and having that freedom and control over yourself focus on becoming the best you possible. then things will naturally fall into place im sure 0
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The OP asked for advice. None of us on here have to like each other's advice. We don't even have to agree. It may make us angry when we read things that don't seem logical (to us individually).
But personally I know myself enough to take anything anyone shares and see how it might be of some use. I don't always like it, may not agree, and sometimes it sounds downright ridiculous, but it's their life, their choices, and they're sharing THEIR opinion on here just like the OP asked for. Let HER use it as she chooses.
Calling each other things like misogynist and Feminazi aren't helping anyone. This place is starting to sound like the comments on Yahoo articles.
It's nice to take the time to process all viewpoints, even uncomfortable ones. Too many people hold on to their sacred cows forever, ignoring obvious facts, only discussing with like minded individuals. It's why the most ridiculous dogmas, easily disproved, are still quite commonly held today. So your advice, to listen to others, is obviously fine, perhaps even a bit banal.
However, I'm not comfortable with how you've lumped "misogynist" and "feminazi" in the same sentence, as if these terms are somehow equally valid (or equally to be condemned). One is illustrative (although perhaps not applicable - that is the debate!), the other is simply pejorative.
For example, here is what Wikipedia says about Misogyny:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MisogynyMisogyny ( /mɪˈsɒdʒɪni/) is the hatred or dislike of women or girls. According to feminist theory, misogyny can be manifested in numerous ways, including sexual discrimination, denigration of women, violence against women, and sexual objectification of women.
According to sociologist Allan G. Johnson, "misogyny is a cultural attitude of hatred for females because they are female." Johnson argues that:
"Misogyny .... is a central part of sexist prejudice and ideology and, as such, is an important basis for the oppression of females in male-dominated societies. Misogyny is manifested in many different ways, from jokes to pornography to violence to the self-contempt women may be taught to feel toward their own bodies."
Michael Flood defines misogyny as the hatred of women, and notes:
"Though most common in men, misogyny also exists in and is practiced by women against other women or even themselves. Misogyny functions as an ideology or belief system that has accompanied patriarchal, or male-dominated societies for thousands of years and continues to place women in subordinate positions with limited access to power and decision making. [...] Aristotle contended that women exist as natural deformities or imperfect males [...] Ever since, women in Western cultures have internalised their role as societal scapegoats, influenced in the twenty-first century by multimedia objectification of women with its culturally sanctioned self-loathing and fixations on plastic surgery, anorexia and bulimia."
Was immediately suggesting plastic surgery, while denigrating anything else, a form of misogyny? It makes for an interesting debate. Equating that to calling someone a "Feminazi" only stifles the debate.
--P0 -
What's your number?
There you go; now it's 3.*
More usefully; do you get a lot of guys talking to you, or do you find they don't bother in the first place?
I've never been one for the "she's a ten and you're an eight at best so don't bother" school of thought - but if we're talking big tits on a slim body with a nice face then maybe you're suffering a bit from that?
The "players" may well expect they don't have a chance so move straight on, while us shyer guys will be stuck in the corner being shy anyway.
*Ok, I'm in the UK, so the phonecall might be a bit expensive - but I have always had a thing for Australasian women; I blame on growing up in Papua New Guinea and having a lot of Aussie and Kiwi friends then.0 -
Thanks for the advice. Both good and bad...
Firstly, I don't believe in plastic surgery unless it's due to deformities, accidents or cancer-related. My body isn't the problem - every guy I've ever dated (or not dated) has said it's great... And as for improving myself physically... this just tends to attract worse guys.
I do believe I need to improve on my mentality - a few of you were spot on there. I have some self esteem issues which I'm trying to work through but having some difficulties...
I have a few health problems which can be annoying for some guys (eg. food allergies, hormonal issues - currently I'm infertile, etc.) so that doesn't help me out much.
I moved to Sydney 1.5 years ago for work and my social circle here is quite small and they are mostly married and older, so there aren't really many social situations where I can (or do) meet guys (or at least ones I'm attracted to and find interesting). I don't fancy hanging out in a pub alone (not safe for myself) and I don't meet guys at the gym... I also work with older people (all married with kids) so not many options there...
I do date guys, and more than once if I like them and get along... sometimes I'm just not their cup of tea - I have been told before that I come across high maintenance and have had guys tell me they feel as though they're not good enough for me or that they feel they always have to make an effort (not true - maybe they have confidence issues too?)... I don't enjoy dating anymore. I actually dread it.
I guess I should just suck it up. I do enjoy my independence and freedom, but would be nice to share some fun times (eg. holidays and outings) with someone.
I'll keep working on my confidence and self esteem issues and see what happens... Unless someone has any other awesome ideas? lol0 -
It's nice to take the time to process all viewpoints, even uncomfortable ones. Too many people hold on to their sacred cows forever, ignoring obvious facts, only discussing with like minded individuals. It's why the most ridiculous dogmas, easily disproved, are still quite commonly held today. So your advice, to listen to others, is obviously fine, perhaps even a bit banal.
--P
:laugh: :laugh: I'm not sure which is funnier to me... that you really think the idea of listening to others is unoriginal, or that you thought this statement would bait me (or anyone else) into a debate, P. You keep trying; I need the laughs!! :laugh: :laugh:
Sounds to me, OP, like you're taking all the info in stride and recognize where you can focus. Good for you! Self confidence and esteem being built up can help in so many more areas than just dating.
Your comment about coming across as high maintenance strikes a chord though. Only you would know if you are or aren't, but if you aren't, think about what you could be doing to give someone the impression you are. Doesn't mean they are right or that you're actually even doing anything to make them think that, but how can you make sure you're presenting the best representation of yourself? Good Luck!0 -
I have a few health problems which can be annoying for some guys (eg. food allergies, hormonal issues - currently I'm infertile, etc.) so that doesn't help me out much.
I would just like to suggest something, if you're not already doing it. You don't have to tell men you're starting to date this stuff right away. You don't owe anyone that "I'm infertile" talk on the first date. Wait to share that big stuff until you are starting to get serious. Who knows, maybe you aren't telling people, but if you are, stop.0
