Pof good deed of the day
Replies
-
This is not to start an argument but just something that needles me and makes me curious
It is 2012 and reasonable people can make sensible decisions about the areas they frequent so my question is...protected from what???
That's a good question Carl, and I've been thinking hard on it for 10 mins now.......
ERmmm, I actually think its more symbolic than practical. But it's a strength thing too. It's not like we think we're going to get eaten by a pack of hyena's and you have to get your rifle out or something..........
I think its more to do with having an arm to hold on to if we trip up in our heels..........lol
Nah, not that either.......
I dont really know. All I know is that when my last b/f walked along the road side of the street and put his arm around me, I felt great!
If a car came along, I'd probably dive in front of him to protect HIM, so it wasn't that he would die for me, but maybe just that he was prepared to?? I dunno.
Something else I love about that guy - he would just support me in everything. Never let anyone say anything bad about me. Stick up for me. Watch my back..............all that kinda stuff comes under the banner of 'protector'. Women do it for men too, perhaps just in a less 'muscular' way?0 -
Guess it is a cultural/regional difference because where I am there is neither A or B.
Guess it just depends on where you live. Since I’ve started dating BB I’m able to go a lot of places I wouldn’t have gone before- he’s a tall, big dude and we’ll walk through town places where other guys were afraid to walk with me. One time I expressed my hesitation to walk back to our car and he reminded me that he’s never once in his life had someone come up to him and start messing with him. I have.0 -
Guess it is a cultural/regional difference because where I am there is neither A or B.
The first is obvious being out in the middle of nothing and the second,given that,I can`t imagine a waiter maligning a female customer or one taking it quietly.:laugh:
Yeah, but you're also the guy who pays for a girl's friend when the 3 of you go out...lol... I've never seen anyone else do that. Must be something in your water. Whatever it is, keep drinking it.
I've had waiters be snotty to me quite often. Two most recent ones were "why are you ordering cranberry juice? You got a UTI or something?" or, "Soda? What's wrong with you? Why don't you go somewhere else. This is a brewery." I'm usually on travel visiting a new place with coworkers who are drinking when these things happen. Only once has anyone ever stood up for me “She’s the driver, get off her case.” Usually they all turn their heads like they're uncomfortable while I just say that I'm the DD. Apparently here in the south, people don't respect DDs the way they do back east.
:noway:
Those are fireable offenses...please don`t take that from anyone. :flowerforyou:0 -
Ok, last one and then I’m getting back to work… I’ll be honest… for me it’s not as much about feeling “protected” as it is about feeling sexy and feminine. It’s harder for me to feel sexy when hugging a man feels like hugging my son. For me it just kills the libido, and I’m no longer attracted to him “that way.”That's a good question Carl, and I've been thinking hard on it for 10 mins now.......
ERmmm, I actually think its more symbolic than practical
I’ve yet to meet an average height/size man who can wrap his arm all the way around me. When we hug, I feel fat and ugly, like it’s a reminder of my dad and my ex constantly telling me I’m too fat. Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog. But when BB wraps his arm around me, it goes all the way around. And I feel normal, desirable. Yummy. Kudos to you women who can feel sexy and desirable around any size man. I guess I still need the illusion that I’m not really wearing Lane Bryant jeans, lol. I’ll get there one day.0 -
Guess it is a cultural/regional difference because where I am there is neither A or B.
The first is obvious being out in the middle of nothing and the second,given that,I can`t imagine a waiter maligning a female customer or one taking it quietly.:laugh:
Yeah, but you're also the guy who pays for a girl's friend when the 3 of you go out...lol... I've never seen anyone else do that. Must be something in your water. Whatever it is, keep drinking it.
I've had waiters be snotty to me quite often. Two most recent ones were "why are you ordering cranberry juice? You got a UTI or something?" or, "Soda? What's wrong with you? Why don't you go somewhere else. This is a brewery." I'm usually on travel visiting a new place with coworkers who are drinking when these things happen. Only once has anyone ever stood up for me “She’s the driver, get off her case.” Usually they all turn their heads like they're uncomfortable while I just say that I'm the DD. Apparently here in the south, people don't respect DDs the way they do back east.
:noway:
Those are fireable offenses...please don`t take that from anyone. :flowerforyou:
Agreed!!! :noway: You'd never get that treatment here!! Besides, soft drinks cost about the same in some pubs, just for that reason!!0 -
Tigers. I need a man who can wrestle escaped zoo animals.This is not to start an argument but just something that needles me and makes me curious
It is 2012 and reasonable people can make sensible decisions about the areas they frequent so my question is...protected from what???0 -
I've had waiters be snotty to me quite often. Two most recent ones were "why are you ordering cranberry juice? You got a UTI or something?" or, "Soda? What's wrong with you? Why don't you go somewhere else. This is a brewery." I'm usually on travel visiting a new place with coworkers who are drinking when these things happen. Only once has anyone ever stood up for me “She’s the driver, get off her case.” Usually they all turn their heads like they're uncomfortable while I just say that I'm the DD. Apparently here in the south, people don't respect DDs the way they do back east.
:noway:
Those are fireable offenses...please don`t take that from anyone. :flowerforyou:
Carl, that kind of thing happens all the time. Sometimes I think it's race (now that I"m stationed in the south) but sometimes I wonder if there's some big target on my head that says "come mess with me! I'll be too shocked to do anything until long after you've walked away." There's no sense in trying to address it. When I do, they always find some reason to say that I overrreacted or misunderstood, and the establishment never takes my side. It's just a fact of life. I'll have to send you a link to my "black girl in the south" blog posts about my adapting to life down here. It's the weirdest thing.0 -
When we hug, I feel fat and ugly, like it’s a reminder of my dad and my ex constantly telling me I’m too fat. Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Guys need to note how damaging their comments can be!!! :grumble:
Not that women can't be equally damaging to men - just saying!0 -
Oh good, I'm glad that we're back to making sweeping generalizations based on sex.
1) Some women will completely discount a guy based on height because they aren't attracted to it.
2) Some women will willing look past that because other factors take precedence (Tom Cruise, anyone?)
3) Some women will be offended that you don't like them because they're overweight.
4) Some women will acknowledge that you don't like them because they're overweight and while they might be disappointed they accept that it's only fair because everyone is discerning about something.
And yet there are still several guys on here that assume all four of those are the same woman, therefore women are hypocrites that deserve to be mocked. The reason women are so "confusing" and "illogical" is because you keep insisting on thinking of women as a singular group with a singular, conflicting mentality. Ladies that insist on doing this to the male gender, the same goes for you.
Yes, there are some people that are generally hypocrites, and they are frustrating as hell. How about we stop assuming that about everyone? I know it's easy to paint things with broad brush strokes, but you lose sight of the picture when you do that.0 -
I've had waiters be snotty to me quite often. Two most recent ones were "why are you ordering cranberry juice? You got a UTI or something?" or, "Soda? What's wrong with you? Why don't you go somewhere else. This is a brewery." I'm usually on travel visiting a new place with coworkers who are drinking when these things happen. Only once has anyone ever stood up for me “She’s the driver, get off her case.” Usually they all turn their heads like they're uncomfortable while I just say that I'm the DD. Apparently here in the south, people don't respect DDs the way they do back east.
Interesting. I order cranberry juice with lime OR water with lemon ALL the time and I've never had that question asked of me. I would not take to it very kindly if asked something so personal and rude, either. If a bartender give me "a look" (especially when ordering water) I hold up my hands as if I have a steering wheel in it, and move my hands like I'm driving. Usually after that pantomime they don't give me the "Dammit I Won't Get Lots Of Tips From You" face......0 -
This thread makes my head hurt.
I am 6'1 so I win when it comes to height.
I find it very ironic though, that women seem to be very emotional about men
having preferences and being "judgmental" yet they can automatically
disregard another male due to something he cannot control, height.
It's ok. Girls confuse me too
That's why boys rock 0 -
You gots to be taller than your lady, otherwise its just weird. At just under 6ft, i've only had one Gf that was as tall as me, was weird as hell and I wouldnt do it again, specially cause she loved wearing heels.
I dont care about breast size either, I just care that you let me see them.0 -
I've had waiters be snotty to me quite often. Two most recent ones were "why are you ordering cranberry juice? You got a UTI or something?" or, "Soda? What's wrong with you? Why don't you go somewhere else. This is a brewery." I'm usually on travel visiting a new place with coworkers who are drinking when these things happen. Only once has anyone ever stood up for me “She’s the driver, get off her case.” Usually they all turn their heads like they're uncomfortable while I just say that I'm the DD. Apparently here in the south, people don't respect DDs the way they do back east.
Wow that is rude. Back at school, I would DD all the time and I never had any problems like thatAnd I feel normal, desirable. Yummy. Kudos to you women who can feel sexy and desirable around any size man. I guess I still need the illusion that I’m not really wearing Lane Bryant jeans, lol. I’ll get there one day.
I know exactly what you mean. Many women are fine with it, but I want to feel just like you described, Janie.0 -
Well, at 5'2" I already feel child-sized. I wear heels because I like them and they're sexy. I can't do that if a man is under 5'6". I also like a man's arms....it's the protection thing. Call it caveman-esque, but I like to have a man that I know will protect me if needed. Even if it's just holding me during a scary movie.
And, no. I don't see a problem with a man saying he won't date a woman because of her size. I've had men that wouldn't date me because I was too short, and some because I was too small. Everyone has their own personal preference.0 -
In my profile I have a "I have a soft spot for" and one of the things on there is that I prefer taller guys as I'm 5'8 and enjoy wearing tall heels.
That's why he wrote to me "I match all the criteria, message me". Well seeing that I have the tall issue on there, I decided to write him and let him know that he didn't meet the criteria, either he ignored the first one or he didn't ready profile or he didn't care.
That's why I decided to write him back and mention it.0 -
@ Mike...yup..if a man feels better with a petite woman that weighs 105 lbs.. Hey..best of luck to them! I am not offended. Plenty of fish in the sea...0
-
To all the shorter guys out there.. don't worry, there is a Snooki for you somewhere.0
-
Oh height. It is my one big hypocritical dealbreaker.
At just over 5'7 and not a little petite thing..I simply long to feel feminine and cute. I simply don't ever get that with anyone under 5'9. So...I could be attracted to someone shorter..but I automatically think we are not going to be a good match based on size and height...and I assume the male in question generally feels the same... no hurt feelings about it.
Most of the men I have dated have been 5'11-6'4... and generally the taller and heavier/more built ones like me best as they "can't break me".
So tell me boys...does breast size somehow correlate to your own personal sense of masculinity or is it just a nice to have item..?
All of this (except the dating-history part, obviously!). I'm just under 5'8" in my bare feet, and not built on petite lines, by any stretch. I often wear heels. The idea of femininity that we have adopted in the West pretty much insists that the woman be the physically-smaller of a partnership, ergo women are conditioned to want men taller than they are (and men to want women shorter than themselves, it generally seems - my younger sister's just under 6', and often finds that shorter men don't want to date her, for that very reason). I'm pretty feminine in many other ways, but I can't alter my height or fundamental build to look 'feminine' next to a man who is of a smaller-overall build (and consequently likely to be in a shorter height-bracket). I'd rather not be the 'big' spoon/physical protector/person doing all the literal heavy-lifting - it doesn't equate with the idea of femininity I've been sold, so I would prefer a man to be 2-3-inches-plus taller than I am, and built on reasonably solid lines.
Key word there being 'prefer' - I'm not going to eliminate a man who brings many of the other, more-important factors I'm looking for to the relationship, if he happens to be shorter/built on petite lines himself. There are many things that matter far more to me in a potential partner than his height. Mr Missed-my-chance is just under 6 foot, with a small-to-medium frame(his ribcage is about half the depth of mine), and I'd go out with him in a nanosecond.
@Mike, of course personal preferences are fine, provided one is neither obnoxious about it, nor totally blinkered by it - you might miss out on someone fantastic if you immediately dismiss someone who doesn't quite fit your 'ideal'. The question always has to be though: she might be your ideal, but are you hers? Mutuality is key.0 -
This thread makes my head hurt.
I am 6'1 so I win when it comes to height.
I find it very ironic though, that women seem to be very emotional about men
having preferences and being "judgmental" yet they can automatically
disregard another male due to something he cannot control, height.
It's quite simple Zach, women feel overly large/unfeminine/unprotected when they're with a guy shorter or punier than themselves.
It's genetics - the male is usually taller/stronger?
A bit like men liking boobs............we dont have control over those either......
Not quite sure why you're starting a gender war over that one??? But anyhow....... :flowerforyou:
Anna, I understand that women want to be with a taller man. It makes the woman feel more protected, small, etc etc. Women can openly say that and most men will accept it, keep their mouths shut, and move on. And as a man of medium height (5'10"), I'm sure I've been descriminated against and I'm OK with it. I don't feel entitled that every woman should want a man my height. If they will only date someone 6'2" and taller, then so be it.
However, what happens when the tables are turned? Men who say that they don't want to be with an overweight woman and would rather be with a petite one. Men can have the argument that they want to feel more masculine and more of a "protector" with a woman who's 5'2" 105lbs. And it's a very legit argument at that.
Are women suppose to just roll with it and accept it?
My honest opinion is yes, they should...people are attracted to what body type they are attracted to, that is not something they can change. Now I know some who will overlook a body type if the personality is stellar, and that is great, but if someone is not attracted to me because I'm overweight, I understand that. Then again, I am 5'5", and I am attracted to taller men. Like a PP poster said, I have to be able to wear my heels!! People can't change their height, but they also can't change their preferences...it's what makes us human!0 -
This increased my confidence because I finally learned it wasn't "me" as much as it was "them,"
I'm sure others will disagree, but I really like this sentiment. It's a really easy trap to fall into - blaming oneself for being 'undesirable', or 'unattractive', or 'too intimidating' - when the reality is that one is only those things in the eyes of the people who see you that way, because of their own issues and preferences. I'm sure we've all thought at times "what's so wrong with me?" (I certainly have anyway), and while I'm all for making the best of oneself, I am absolutely not for changing one's fundamental self in order to appeal to someone, or a group of someones' else.0 -
This increased my confidence because I finally learned it wasn't "me" as much as it was "them,"
I'm sure others will disagree, but I really like this sentiment. It's a really easy trap to fall into - blaming oneself for being 'undesirable', or 'unattractive', or 'too intimidating' - when the reality is that one is only those things in the eyes of the people who see you that way, because of their own issues and preferences. I'm sure we've all thought at times "what's so wrong with me?" (I certainly have anyway), and while I'm all for making the best of oneself, I am absolutely not for changing one's fundamental self in order to appeal to someone, or a group of someones' else.
I agree completely! We are who we are..some will like us, some won't.0 -
This increased my confidence because I finally learned it wasn't "me" as much as it was "them,"
I'm sure others will disagree, but I really like this sentiment. It's a really easy trap to fall into - blaming oneself for being 'undesirable', or 'unattractive', or 'too intimidating' - when the reality is that one is only those things in the eyes of the people who see you that way, because of their own issues and preferences. I'm sure we've all thought at times "what's so wrong with me?" (I certainly have anyway), and while I'm all for making the best of oneself, I am absolutely not for changing one's fundamental self in order to appeal to someone, or a group of someones' else.
Well, so much for self-reflection and introspection. It's definitely easier to say it's "them" and not "me" and go on your merry way. But is this really true? In my experience, a lot of people (both men and women), who always think it's someone else's issue, often don't examine themselves and their own shortcomings first. I've calling many people out on this before. The more defensive they got, the bigger issues they had.
Can you clarify your statement "I'm all for making the best of oneself, I am absolutely not for changing one's fundamentals"?
I take this as you want to better yourself mentally and physically, but you don't want to change what you truly enjoy doing (whether it's opera, football, etc). If this is the case, I haven't met too many people that would discriminate against you or anyone because of what you enjoy doing. The only example that comes to mind are people at my university who genuinely hated conservatives solely based on their beliefs.0 -
This increased my confidence because I finally learned it wasn't "me" as much as it was "them,"
I'm sure others will disagree, but I really like this sentiment. It's a really easy trap to fall into - blaming oneself for being 'undesirable', or 'unattractive', or 'too intimidating' - when the reality is that one is only those things in the eyes of the people who see you that way, because of their own issues and preferences. I'm sure we've all thought at times "what's so wrong with me?" (I certainly have anyway), and while I'm all for making the best of oneself, I am absolutely not for changing one's fundamental self in order to appeal to someone, or a group of someones' else.
Exactly!!! It's taken me a long time to figure it out, but it's like the light bulb finally came on. And just because I might not be someone's ideal, does not make me unworthy or insinuate that there is something wrong with me.0 -
This increased my confidence because I finally learned it wasn't "me" as much as it was "them,"
I'm sure others will disagree, but I really like this sentiment. It's a really easy trap to fall into - blaming oneself for being 'undesirable', or 'unattractive', or 'too intimidating' - when the reality is that one is only those things in the eyes of the people who see you that way, because of their own issues and preferences. I'm sure we've all thought at times "what's so wrong with me?" (I certainly have anyway), and while I'm all for making the best of oneself, I am absolutely not for changing one's fundamental self in order to appeal to someone, or a group of someones' else.
Well, so much for self-reflection and introspection. It's definitely easier to say it's "them" and not "me" and go on your merry way. But is this really true? In my experience, a lot of people (both men and women), who always think it's someone else's issue, often don't examine themselves and their own shortcomings first. I've calling many people out on this before. The more defensive they got, the bigger issues they had.
Can you clarify your statement "I'm all for making the best of oneself, I am absolutely not for changing one's fundamentals"?
I take this as you want to better yourself mentally and physically, but you don't want to change what you truly enjoy doing (whether it's opera, football, etc). If this is the case, I haven't met too many people that would discriminate against you or anyone because of what you enjoy doing. The only example that comes to mind are people at my university who genuinely hated conservatives solely based on their beliefs.
I realize I'm not the poster whose type you quoted, but I did agree with her so here goes:
I don't need self-reflection or introspection...I, for one, am happy with myself the way I am, if others or not, that is their issue to deal with. I'm not going to change who I am inside to make someone else happy, when I could find someone else and we could make each other happy.0 -
You shouldn't have to change who you are to find someone. I'm a strong believer of this. I'm me and I like me. I have faults just like anyone else, but what's the secret? Finding someone who's faults agree with yours. Or someone who finds your faults endearing and are willing to accept the whole package. Unconditional love is loving the person for all that they are, not just parts.0
-
This is one I happen to disagree with when laid out as a black or white.
While I don`t think anyone should or perhaps even can change their core values that make you who you are I think we all can and should be looking for ways to improve ourselves.
The example I have used before is what if a person is so socially stunted that they can`t even talk to another person.
Is don`t change a thing about you any kind of sage advice to give them?
Would anyone say "just stand over by the wall and sooner or later the perfect person will come along for you"?
Of course not,everyone would advise they get some sort of help to get them socialized.
Now this is obviously an extreme example but the point is that there is plenty of room to desire self improvement without changing your values.0 -
I guess I need to clarify my stance. I feel that all "improvements" to ones self should be for themselves. Like, I lost 40+ pounds because I wanted to feel good about myself. I didn't do it to "catch" a man or be more physically attractive to a man. And I won't keep the weight off to "keep" a man. I've been told that I'm outwardly attractive at 190 and at 147, but I did it for me.
I also have been trying to improve my patience because I think it will make me a more understanding and better person. I am not working on myself so that others find me more attractive. I also want to go back to school to improve me, not look more impressive to others.
But I do understand where you are coming from Carl. If there is something that is keeping you from "meeting" that person, for all means change it. If you have a social phobia that is making it impossible to meet people, take actions to fix it. If you think men will only be attracted to you if you lost 40 pounds and got DDD implants, you might want to seek out professional help...0 -
I guess I need to clarify my stance. I feel that all "improvements" to ones self should be for themselves. Like, I lost 40+ pounds because I wanted to feel good about myself. I didn't do it to "catch" a man or be more physically attractive to a man. And I won't keep the weight off to "keep" a man. I've been told that I'm outwardly attractive at 190 and at 147, but I did it for me.
I also have been trying to improve my patience because I think it will make me a more understanding and better person. I am not working on myself so that others find me more attractive. I also want to go back to school to improve me, not look more impressive to others.
But I do understand where you are coming from Carl. If there is something that is keeping you from "meeting" that person, for all means change it. If you have a social phobia that is making it impossible to meet people, take actions to fix it. If you think men will only be attracted to you if you lost 40 pounds and got DDD implants, you might want to seek out professional help...
Being from the land of plastic surgery, every single women I've met who's got breast implants, nose job, etc has always said they got the procedure done for themselves. I've never met a women who said they did sole did it to please a man. Similar to plastic surgery, every women who has dropped a few lbs said they did it for themselves. Are they lying..? Who knows.
Personally, I don't care why they did it. I'm not one to judge or recommend professional help to someone who does weight loss or plastic surgery to please the opposite sex. I think if it helps them land their ideal partner, it's good for them.0 -
In a society where everyone is blind, and nobody ever has physical contact with anyone else, would you really want to lose those 40+ pounds? Probably not.I feel that all "improvements" to ones self should be for themselves. Like, I lost 40+ pounds because I wanted to feel good about myself.
See, I believe that the "feel good about myself" is very much dependent on the society in which you live, and that you've integrated the "codes" of that society so much that you are indeed doing this to feel good about yourself in the society in which you live (in a specific context).
Now if you push that reasoning further, by integrating and respecting the codes of the society in which you live, you are more agreeable to more people, and thus you are technically attracting more males (who are people too, let's keep that in mind!) who are also conforming to this society (and who have integrated the codes of it, codes to which you now conform more).
Thus, by doing that, you are technically attracting more men, and thus are (inadvertently!) improving your chances of catching a man.
Diabolical...
It is amusing that we often say we are doing things "for ourselves" whereas we are in fact doing things "for our benefit by being more agreeable to other humans" (and it makes sense to act for the betterment of your situation). Which is fine by the way, since humans are social by nature.
You'd be surprised at the things you can do to keep a "good man"... :laugh:And I won't keep the weight off to "keep" a man. I've been told that I'm outwardly attractive at 190 and at 147, but I did it for me.
It's all about compromise in the end. :drinker:0 -
As far as physical preferences, I will say its their preference... Nothing to do with me. I can't and won't be going blonde because the guy I crush prefers blondes.
With that said, if I'm receiving feedback from men that I date, that I'm too "needy", then maybe the problem is (gasp) me. I won't necessarily change for a guy but I'm not so proud (anymore) that I can't reflect and look into myself deeper.
We all have flaws and I'll never be perfect, but of there's a common theme (me) when dating around and I'm not successful keeping a guy around (if that's my goal), then let's face reality.
This is something I have learned through this board, through all this dating I'm doing, and just from plain growing.0
This discussion has been closed.