Coupon Faux Pas?
TheKitsune6
Posts: 5,798 Member
I was listening to the radio and one of the topics that came up was interesting to me.
If your date uses a coupon on the first date, would you be:
1) Neutral. (Eh, whatever)
2) Insulted. (UGH, cheap much?)
3) Impressed. (Frugal soulmates!)
And why?
If your date uses a coupon on the first date, would you be:
1) Neutral. (Eh, whatever)
2) Insulted. (UGH, cheap much?)
3) Impressed. (Frugal soulmates!)
And why?
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Replies
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I think it is never a good idea to use a coupon in the early stages on dating.0
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I think it is never a good idea to use a coupon in the early stages on dating.
You didn't answer the why part
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There was a great debate about this on the old eH advice forum (and it got ugly)! It wouldn't insult me, but I would be less than impressed.
Like it or not, people want to make a good first impression and want a promising date to make a good first impression, and part of that is feeling that the person might think there was something special about you. Nothing says less than special better than a coupon. If someone is spending too much on first dates, they need to pick cheaper/free venues to meet or be more selective! The coupon should be saved for a later date.
That's coming from me, and I'm the kind of person who doesn't expect extravagance and believes in paying my way - I always take turns planning and paying for dates. This is not the opinion of a gold digger expecting to be treated like a princess.0 -
As a guy, you give a woman a reason to potentially not like you. Why risk that, especially when there's a known anti-couponing in the early stages segment of the ladies?
I believe more women perceive the use of coupons on a first date more negatively than positively. Later on, it can be viewed more positive. In the beginning, I feel there's a certain expectation of wooing and coupons don't induce feelings of romance.0 -
Hmm... Well, that happened to me... I mean... the girl brought a coupon. :laugh:
I chose option 4 (which you forgot):
4) Relieved. Because you know you're a f-cking hobo and that you're sweating at the thought of paying a full meal.
(oh yeah, we split the bill in the end)
Honestly though, it would probably be "neutral/impressed BUT wary". Wary because I hate "coupon hunters", you know those people who spend their lives tracking deals and actually lose so much time that it's not even worth it anymore at this stage?
I'm cheap, but not that much.0 -
I think on the first date, I would be MOSTLY neutral but I would take a mental note of it. After a few dates, I wouldn't care.
Or if it was his way of asking me out, i.e. "Hey, I found this coupon for miniature golf. Want to go with me?" then that would be fine.0 -
If someone is spending too much on first dates, they need to pick cheaper/free venues to meet or be more selective! The coupon should be saved for a later date.
So you think it's better to go to a cheap place and spend the same amount as if you went to a nice place with a coupon? Doesn't the coupon show that they are being thoughtful and selective? They're bringing you to a nice place, and affording it at the same time, while thinking ahead.As a guy, you give a woman a reason to potentially not like you.
That's true about everything though, isn't it? That's just a sign of incompatibility anyway, you're just being smart up front?Honestly though, it would probably be "neutral/impressed BUT wary". Wary because I hate "coupon hunters", you know those people who spend their lives tracking deals and actually lose so much time that it's not even worth it anymore at this stage?
I'm cheap, but not that much.
Yeah, that type of obsessiveness is only good if it vibes with your own, haha. That's interesting though because it wouldn't occur to me at all that they're that type unless there are blatant signs.I think on the first date, I would be MOSTLY neutral but I would take a mental note of it. After a few dates, I wouldn't care.
Or if it was his way of asking me out, i.e. "Hey, I found this coupon for miniature golf. Want to go with me?" then that would be fine.
I'm not following - what would that mental note be?
Also, why is it okay for him to use it as a suggestion, but not for him to just whip it out once you're there? The result is the same.0 -
I don't like it for at least the first few dates. It makes me feel like he just took me out because he had a coupon laying around that he needed to use, as opposed to deciding on a place that I might like and taking me there. There's just something offputting about whipping out a coupon on an early date. I'd rather go somewhere cheaper than somewhere expensive with a coupon.0
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It would be a totally neutral thing for me. I'm not one of those crazy or obsessive coupon people, but if I happen upon one that I know I'll use that's fine by me. I mean, why not save money when and where you can in this economy?0
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I went to a smoothie shop on a blind date. We ordered our smoothies, and he offered to pay. I said yes, and then he pulled out a buy one get one coupon...I was a little slighted, especially since he had suggested the place. I didn't like him enough to go out again, although he was a very nice guy. The coupon thing definitely decreased my interest in him however, but it was not the deal breaker.0
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I think this is more a question for the women since I don't know of too many situations in the early stages where the woman picks up the whole check for a date. I know it happens but it's more likely that the check is split or that the guy pays the whole thing. Flipping it around to make a judgement about a woman's spending behavior, I'd have to say my attitude would either be neutral or impressed. I think it depends on my mindset going into the date. If I wasn't looking for anything serious, just wanting someone to hang out with and maybe to develop a FWB, I wouldn't care. If I was looking for something long term, I would be impressed. I've had dates where I didn't want another one because of things the woman said that just screamed she burned through money.0
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Neutral.
Really couponing is everywhere now days. I think its great.
I bought several that I felt would make good dates but never got to use them because nothing ever worked out with the man I was seeing at the time.
I'm not dating or trying to date right now..so beggers can't be choosers if a man asked me out and used a coupon..I'd just be happy for a night out.0 -
I thnk it depends on what the date is. Like Christines date a guy should be able to pay for two smoothies, it is already a pretty cheap date. If they had a coupon for an amusement park or an event where one ticket is 30+ dollars then I would be nuteral about it.
Things like living social or groupon deals not a coupon out of the sunday paper.0 -
This was the topic of a chit chat forum thread before groups were started.
The majority of ladies said it showed frugal and even responsible behavior and were generally positive about it.
I couldn`t resist asking how they would feel if it was a trip to the golden arches or similar and you would think I had called all their mothers a less then flattering name regarding how they acquired sexual acquaintances.
Now I am not broad brushing or stereotyping,just relaying what was posted in an unscientific manner but it seemed to not be the means of compensation but the presumed monetary value that was important to most.0 -
This was the topic of a chit chat forum thread before groups were started.
The majority of ladies said it showed frugal and even responsible behavior and were generally positive about it.
I couldn`t resist asking how they would feel if it was a trip to the golden arches or similar and you would think I had called all their mothers a less then flattering name regarding how they acquired sexual acquaintances.
Now I am not broad brushing or stereotyping,just relaying what was posted in an unscientific manner but it seemed to not be the means of compensation but the presumed monetary value that was important to most.
Eh, my guess is there is a clear difference between someone being smart and frugal, and someone being cheap and lazy
Not that I should talk, my first date was at a burger king, and we walked there and back! HAhaha0 -
Use the damn coupon. I hear this over and over how it is so horrifying to use a coupon. What difference does it make - like he's a better man because he paid more than he needed to? Now if he told me I could only order a specific item because that's what his coupon was for I might have an issue.0
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I wish this weren't the case because I'm all about men who are financially responsible, but this would be a no go for me in the early stages. First impressions and appearances are important and this sends the wrong message (especially because I'm most comfortable in casual/ethnic restaurants on the first date- which isn't cost prohibitive).
I'd also be worried about some kind of pathological cheapness- like hours a day counting pennies and clipping coupons.
After a few dates I'd become neutral and eventually excited because I use an occasional groupon, too.0 -
This was the topic of a chit chat forum thread before groups were started.
The majority of ladies said it showed frugal and even responsible behavior and were generally positive about it.
I couldn`t resist asking how they would feel if it was a trip to the golden arches or similar and you would think I had called all their mothers a less then flattering name regarding how they acquired sexual acquaintances.
Now I am not broad brushing or stereotyping,just relaying what was posted in an unscientific manner but it seemed to not be the means of compensation but the presumed monetary value that was important to most.
Eh, my guess is there is a clear difference between someone being smart and frugal, and someone being cheap and lazy
Not that I should talk, my first date was at a burger king, and we walked there and back! HAhaha
But what is the difference if the bottom line stayed the same.
I am not talking getting a 100/plate (nothing can be worth that to me) for 80 but bringing the cost of a relatively average to nice restaurant down to the price of a fast food.
The former was considered acceptable and the latter completely not.
What distinguishes the two?0 -
I thnk it depends on what the date is. Like Christines date a guy should be able to pay for two smoothies, it is already a pretty cheap date. If they had a coupon for an amusement park or an event where one ticket is 30+ dollars then I would be nuteral about it.
Things like living social or groupon deals not a coupon out of the sunday paper.
Agree with that about something more expensive. And it's one thing to suggest a date idea to an amusement park/even and then find a coupon ...but to base your date off what coupon you have? That is what bothers me.0 -
This was the topic of a chit chat forum thread before groups were started.
The majority of ladies said it showed frugal and even responsible behavior and were generally positive about it.
I couldn`t resist asking how they would feel if it was a trip to the golden arches or similar and you would think I had called all their mothers a less then flattering name regarding how they acquired sexual acquaintances.
Now I am not broad brushing or stereotyping,just relaying what was posted in an unscientific manner but it seemed to not be the means of compensation but the presumed monetary value that was important to most.
Eh, my guess is there is a clear difference between someone being smart and frugal, and someone being cheap and lazy
Not that I should talk, my first date was at a burger king, and we walked there and back! HAhaha
But what is the difference if the bottom line stayed the same.
I am not talking getting a 100/plate (nothing can be worth that to me) for 80 but bringing the cost of a relatively average to nice restaurant down to the price of a fast food.
The former was considered acceptable and the latter completely not.
What distinguishes the two?
Well, one is a fried chicken sandwich, and the other is a grilled chicken platter, if you get where I'm coming from. Quality over quantity, but if you can get quality with quantity, whats the problem?
One says "Whatever, this is what I can afford, get used to it." the other says "I am creative and find ways to enjoy the good life while being fiscally responsible"0 -
This was the topic of a chit chat forum thread before groups were started.
The majority of ladies said it showed frugal and even responsible behavior and were generally positive about it.
I couldn`t resist asking how they would feel if it was a trip to the golden arches or similar and you would think I had called all their mothers a less then flattering name regarding how they acquired sexual acquaintances.
Now I am not broad brushing or stereotyping,just relaying what was posted in an unscientific manner but it seemed to not be the means of compensation but the presumed monetary value that was important to most.
Eh, my guess is there is a clear difference between someone being smart and frugal, and someone being cheap and lazy
Not that I should talk, my first date was at a burger king, and we walked there and back! HAhaha
But what is the difference if the bottom line stayed the same.
I am not talking getting a 100/plate (nothing can be worth that to me) for 80 but bringing the cost of a relatively average to nice restaurant down to the price of a fast food.
The former was considered acceptable and the latter completely not.
What distinguishes the two?
Well, one is a fried chicken sandwich, and the other is a grilled chicken platter, if you get where I'm coming from. Quality over quantity, but if you can get quality with quantity, whats the problem?
One says "Whatever, this is what I can afford, get used to it." the other says "I am creative and find ways to enjoy the good life while being fiscally responsible"
To play devils advocate...what if that is what he can afford?
Bottom line is i detest all these abstracts that both men and women construct to determine desirability that have little to nothing to do with whether the person is decent or perhaps a good match.
I don`t care if it is boob size that makes a guys eyes widen and jaw drop or if it is how much a guy spends...it is all to me making a judgment based on something meaningless.
In fairness maybe this is a "thing" to me because I know I don`t measure up real well on the first impression thing as appearance goes so maybe resent a bit earning attention hinges on some other non personality issue but given how many either unhappily married or had a bad marriage/LTR is common I wish people would take a step back from it now and then.
</rant>0 -
Some people on this thread obviously have too much money. Which is good for them...
And me since I'm officially selling stuff for more than you COULD pay for it. YES! and this is an unlimited offer too!!!
Or are we really saying that women "love" men more when they throw more money at them? Yuck... Yuck, yuck, yuck! Not really exciting, I tell you.
No, girl, stop dreaming... I won't throw more money than I should at you on a first date, because I don't know you yet and on a first date, you're worth no more than any other girl as far as I am aware. Harsh but true.
Or maybe someone has a justification as to why I should pay more?
This one is a false rule by the way, a thing that women are only bothered about when asked during a conversation... but when the real world takes its toll, this specific point doesn't matter anymore and they will start explaining why things happened with this particular guy (who is not the type they would go for normally) with a: "But it was different this time because...".
(Don't tell me it's a generalization, because the paragraph above is in fact a trap...)0 -
This was the topic of a chit chat forum thread before groups were started.
The majority of ladies said it showed frugal and even responsible behavior and were generally positive about it.
I couldn`t resist asking how they would feel if it was a trip to the golden arches or similar and you would think I had called all their mothers a less then flattering name regarding how they acquired sexual acquaintances.
Now I am not broad brushing or stereotyping,just relaying what was posted in an unscientific manner but it seemed to not be the means of compensation but the presumed monetary value that was important to most.
Eh, my guess is there is a clear difference between someone being smart and frugal, and someone being cheap and lazy
Not that I should talk, my first date was at a burger king, and we walked there and back! HAhaha
But what is the difference if the bottom line stayed the same.
I am not talking getting a 100/plate (nothing can be worth that to me) for 80 but bringing the cost of a relatively average to nice restaurant down to the price of a fast food.
The former was considered acceptable and the latter completely not.
What distinguishes the two?
Well, one is a fried chicken sandwich, and the other is a grilled chicken platter, if you get where I'm coming from. Quality over quantity, but if you can get quality with quantity, whats the problem?
One says "Whatever, this is what I can afford, get used to it." the other says "I am creative and find ways to enjoy the good life while being fiscally responsible"
To play devils advocate...what if that is what he can afford?
Bottom line is i detest all these abstracts that both men and women construct to determine desirability that have little to nothing to do with whether the person is decent or perhaps a good match.
I don`t care if it is boob size that makes a guys eyes widen and jaw drop or if it is how much a guy spends...it is all to me making a judgment based on something meaningless.
In fairness maybe this is a "thing" to me because I know I don`t measure up real well on the first impression thing as appearance goes so maybe resent a bit earning attention hinges on some other non personality issue but given how many either unhappily married or had a bad marriage/LTR is common I wish people would take a step back from it now and then.
</rant>
I think the point about getting creative with what you have is important here. A cheap first date involving a walk somewhere nice, coffee/frozen yogurt/ free museum I'd be down for, but a restaurant that someone needs a coupon to afford- not so down for. Being creative involves thought and lets someone know you value their potential, but just picking somewhere because you have a coupon messages "I'm kind of lazy about planning this and don't want to waste money in case you suck"0 -
Now if the date took me to Burger King and it was a BOGO offer on a Whopper - less than impressed.
If it was a coupon for Black Angus - I get it, and it really would not bother me any.
I know people can not afford a lot especially in this economy, and some still fear losing their jobs. Matter of fact I just started chatting with a guy on POF who will be out of work Nov 30th.
So I think it depends on where the coupon is for!0 -
So say we're out for a walk on a first date. For arguments sake we happen to walk past a Booster Juice and I ask if you would like a drink? You say sure and we go inside. I remember that I have a 2 for 1 coupon in my wallet (I buy those fundraiser coupon books) and I whip it out and pay the tab. What are the feelings on this? I can afford to pay for both drinks BUT I have that coupon that allows me to pay for only one.
Another way to look at this. I say hey lets grab a drink and walk inside. You place your order and then wander over to find a table. I end up paying, using the coupon without your knowledge. Does the drink taste any better? Do you give any more thought to how much I can afford? Am I no longer a desirable mate because I can save money in these little ways? If girl said "hey I've got a coupon for ........ let's go check it out, my treat" I'd just be thrilled that I'm getting treated to something.0 -
You are such a horrible person! :sad:So say we're out for a walk on a first date. For arguments sake we happen to walk past a Booster Juice and I ask if you would like a drink? You say sure and we go inside. I remember that I have a 2 for 1 coupon in my wallet (I buy those fundraiser coupon books) and I whip it out and pay the tab. What are the feelings on this? I can afford to pay for both drinks BUT I have that coupon that allows me to pay for only one.
Another way to look at this. I say hey lets grab a drink and walk inside. You place your order and then wander over to find a table. I end up paying, using the coupon without your knowledge. Does the drink taste any better? Do you give any more thought to how much I can afford? Am I no longer a desirable mate because I can save money in these little ways? If girl said "hey I've got a coupon for ........ let's go check it out, my treat" I'd just be thrilled that I'm getting treated to something.
Don't you think I'm worth a little more than that? *slap in the face* :explode:
OBSERVE AND LEARN! This man made a terrible mistake... This man will most likely come back to his place alone tonight, for he did not know how to treat a lady!
But you can now avoid this terrible situation - and the loss of control that entails, simply by telling the silly lady the following thing:
- Hey I just found a coupon! That means I get to invite you on more dates So when should we have our next date?
- Oooh you're so sweet!
Of course, you will never invite the girl on a second date, but you used your coupon AND might have had sex.
* High five! *0 -
You could always use my brothers approach, take out 5 or 6 hundred dollar bills and use them everytime you pay for something. The date may cost only 40 bucks or so, but using a hundred dollar bill each time he says works magic....0
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Hmmm... Well, firstly, I always pay on the first date, and I never use coupons. I have nothing against people who use coupons, especially women on a tight budget. But - and I know I'm going to sound like a snob now - I have no desire to cut out paper to save a dollar or two on a meal or movie. It really means nothing to me.
If I were dating a girl, and let's say by date 3 or 4 she insists on treating. I would appreciate the gesture. So then she takes me to a movie and a cheap restaurant, and uses coupons for both. I would love it! I would think that this woman doesn't have much money, but she's doing her best to treat me, using whatever means she can. I have nothing but respect for people who do this.
--P
Edit to add: on the other hand, if someone places a coupon in my hand, then I'm going to use it. Why wouldn't I? For example, if my date emailed me a link for a 5 dollar off coupon to the movies, knowing we were going there that night, I would definitely print it out and use it. Why pay more when you don't have to? My issue is with coupons in general. I just don't have the desire to search or clip coupons, when my time is more valuable than the few dollars I would save by doing so.0 -
Are things such as groupons included in this? Honestly I could care less if a guy uses a coupon, I've gone on a bunch of dates and the guys don't mind when I offer one, what the heck if I already have it? And no, I'm not a coupon crazy lady but I have those entertainment books with coupons for restaurants. And as for groupons, it's usually a new place in town that's cool to try out for example or like an add on to a date. I like being treated but I like to pay sometimes too. For example, went to the movies the other day, he paid for the movies. Then we ended up getting froyo after and I paid and with a groupon! And since he was new in town, it just brought up more conversation about different groupons and things to do around town. It worked out great.0
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I think it's just best to wait until you know now someone to pull out coupons on dates. I'm known my group of peeps to always have coupons to everywhere (dude, you save money where you can), but I'd prefer a new guy that I just met to just pay outright for our meal. I think a coupon would make him look cheap.0
