How long should the "swoon" last?
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I think this question will validate my man card for life.... so what the hell is "swoon??"
In the other thread it was described as a honeymoon period which to me is that giddy/silly/on cloud 9 feeling of having a crush.
All you want to think about is the other person and any contact makes one see fireworks.
It seems most ladies equate it with love though and not what I meant by it.
To me love is when you get to the point that you care so deeply about a person her (in my case) life is more important then mine.
That isn`t to say one surrenders all their individuality or personal likes and becomes a doormat either.
It is just a deeper feeling then that joyous euphoria that starts everything.0 -
I think this question will validate my man card for life.... so what the hell is "swoon??"
It seems most ladies equate it with love though and not what I meant by it.
*sigh* this is wrong on so many levels.. women are smart enough to know the difference between infatuation and love. just because you love someone doesnt mean that the infatuation has to end.0 -
I think this question will validate my man card for life.... so what the hell is "swoon??"
It seems most ladies equate it with love though and not what I meant by it.
*sigh* this is wrong on so many levels.. women are smart enough to know the difference between infatuation and love. just because you love someone doesnt mean that the infatuation has to end.
Perhaps that is a point you wanted to make but it in no way fits the context of the entire post I wrote.0 -
I think this question will validate my man card for life.... so what the hell is "swoon??"
It seems most ladies equate it with love though and not what I meant by it.
*sigh* this is wrong on so many levels.. women are smart enough to know the difference between infatuation and love. just because you love someone doesnt mean that the infatuation has to end.
Perhaps that is a point you wanted to make but it in no way fits the context of the entire post I wrote.
Carl, You seem to want a different answer here, but I agree with Mesha... women know the difference between swoon and love. But most of us are saying that they should go hand in hand for romantic love. Yes, companionship, etc. is great, but when the swoon leaves, that's kind of when you know a relationship is on it's last legs despite the fact that you might love the other person.0 -
I think this question will validate my man card for life.... so what the hell is "swoon??"
It seems most ladies equate it with love though and not what I meant by it.
*sigh* this is wrong on so many levels.. women are smart enough to know the difference between infatuation and love. just because you love someone doesnt mean that the infatuation has to end.
Perhaps that is a point you wanted to make but it in no way fits the context of the entire post I wrote.
Carl, You seem to want a different answer here, but I agree with Mesha... women know the difference between swoon and love. But most of us are saying that they should go hand in hand for romantic love. Yes, companionship, etc. is great, but when the swoon leaves, that's kind of when you know a relationship is on it's last legs despite the fact that you might love the other person.
What I took the initial conversation to be about in the other thread was the stages of relationship building/developing.
Is everyone saying that the feelings people have when they first find each other is something that should last forever?
If so then I guess I see things differently but given how so much discussion goes on regarding when two become exclusive or intimate I will presume that is not the case.
When does a relationship grow or mature past that initial fervor was what I took the discussion to be and tried to make it into a thread because I thought it interesting.
If I am wording the intent wrong then my fault,have tried it in different ways but maybe still not saying it right.0 -
When does a relationship grow or mature past that initial fervor was what I took the discussion to be and tried to make it into a thread because I thought it interesting.
If I am wording the intent wrong then my fault,have tried it in different ways but maybe still not saying it right.
I understand what you mean now Carl. Swoon is probably the wrong word then. As having that heady, love rush moment of feeling for someone can last forever
At what point does that meeting someone grow into a more realistic love and not romantic lust? Ermm, I dunno, I guess it depends on the people and how long it takes for them to get to know each other? If they get past the first 3 months and decide they like each other, I'd say about a year or two? Mind you, I know a couple that just got married and they have been together about 4 years and still seem to be in the initial throws of the 'honeymoon' period. Still very tactile and gazing into each others eyes etc. Perhaps it's around the 7 year itch??
But what we're saying overall, is that even though life gets in the way and things do settle into a less hypnotic state, the passion, spark, swoon of emotion for someone should never die. If it dies, then the relationship has died a little too! Although, relationships survive for a lifetime when the couples dont even appear to like each other very much!! :huh: So yeah, I dont think there is a definitive answer to that one .......0 -
I think this question will validate my man card for life.... so what the hell is "swoon??"
Jeez! My lust for you just died a little!!! :laugh:0 -
I think this question will validate my man card for life.... so what the hell is "swoon??"
It seems most ladies equate it with love though and not what I meant by it.
*sigh* this is wrong on so many levels.. women are smart enough to know the difference between infatuation and love. just because you love someone doesnt mean that the infatuation has to end.
Perhaps that is a point you wanted to make but it in no way fits the context of the entire post I wrote.
Carl, You seem to want a different answer here, but I agree with Mesha... women know the difference between swoon and love. But most of us are saying that they should go hand in hand for romantic love. Yes, companionship, etc. is great, but when the swoon leaves, that's kind of when you know a relationship is on it's last legs despite the fact that you might love the other person.
Is everyone saying that the feelings people have when they first find each other is something that should last forever?
yes to an extent. you should ALWAYS still see the reasons you were initially attracted to that person no matter how long you are together.
i gave the story of my great grandparents. they were married for 60 + years and been through all kinds of unbelievably horrible *kitten* as a couple through the years. yet up until the day she died from cancer when she was over 90 my great grand dad said that at least a few times a week he'd be reminded of what initially attracted him and he'd get the butterflies again.
for him he said it was a mischevous glint in her eye and her capacity to either be a spitfire or sweet teddybear depending on the situation. the only reason why he told me this (my grandma didnt even know) was because after she passed he told me that i inherited a lot of her personality.
in fact every succesful longterm relationship i know over 30 years the hubby and wife all say the same thing.
carl maybe what you are understanding is that for some women if we dont have the swoon from the very beginning then we already know it's not going to be there later on and we're not even going to want to pursue anything further with the guy. that's completely different than mistaken infatuation with love.
i know for me if i'm not initially infatuated with a guy, don't feel it in my gut, don't initially put him in the F column of the FMK list, don't have chemistry with him, don't like his pheromones, however you want to say it, then i will quickly lose interest.0 -
The exact feelings people have when they first find each other are lost forever: a feeling of discovery, mixed with risk, curiosity, excitement... An adventure, the perfect combination.What I took the initial conversation to be about in the other thread was the stages of relationship building/developing.
Is everyone saying that the feelings people have when they first find each other is something that should last forever?
If so then I guess I see things differently but given how so much discussion goes on regarding when two become exclusive or intimate I will presume that is not the case.
When does a relationship grow or mature past that initial fervor was what I took the discussion to be and tried to make it into a thread because I thought it interesting.
If I am wording the intent wrong then my fault,have tried it in different ways but maybe still not saying it right.
The feeling of reaching your goal too if you've been pursuing your partner. You fill the gaps with what you want the other person to be, a lot is still left to your imagination.
So yeah, this will be lost forever.
This gets gradually replaced as the relationship progresses by "mutual respect" and "knowledge of your partner". You love the partner for what they are. You know them, their smell, their voice, their habits, their reaction, you create mutual memories, have better - more elaborate - sex... That's a nice feeling too.
To me the swoon, the bliss, doesn't last forever but it gets replaced by a sure warmth, which is nice too.
NOTE:
For people who keep mentioning their grandparents, the things about "grandparents" is that they met at a time were things were simply less complicated (relationship wise).
Well. It was more complicated to meet people, people didn't have as much choice as now (dating pool), people were more sedentary (no need to move places 5 times in your life for your job), people's goal in life was to get married and breed at age 21, people were less educated and less opened to the wonders of the world, things were generally speaking slower, there was less porn, people were less open about those things, people were getting married, people were more fearful of gods, people respected their family more.
I'd be interested to know how many partners the average woman from the 50s had as opposed to the average modern woman, similarly for men. Also age at which the first relationship was had.
My point is our world and our grandparents' world are literally two different worlds.0 -
for me that would probably need to be a about a year. i'd need for my neural pathways to become accustomed to his sensory inputs :laugh:When does a relationship grow or mature past that initial fervor was what I took the discussion to be and tried to make it into a thread because I thought it interesting.
If I am wording the intent wrong then my fault,have tried it in different ways but maybe still not saying it right.
At what point does that meeting someone grow into a more realistic love and not romantic lust?0 -
for me that would probably need to be a about a year. i'd need for my neural pathways to become accustomed to his sensory inputs :laugh:
:laugh: Is that posh for the merging of love juices?? :laugh:0 -
for me that would probably need to be a about a year. i'd need for my neural pathways to become accustomed to his sensory inputs :laugh:
:laugh: Is that posh for the merging of love juices?? :laugh:
not at all. falling in love seems to be a mental process for me more than an emotional one and it's a slow one probably because of the mental aspect. i've always like Data's (a character from Star Trek) definition of friendship and love because it's so fitting for me0
