What should I have done ..
Replies
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Me too. I am less shy and more outgoing when I've had a little alcohol.I think you have 1 or 2 drinks in you at all times when in public. I hear alcohol helps one relax and lowers inhibitions.
This is awesome advice. And I would have done the same exact thing...LOL
I can't drink on my lunch hour!!! Not to mention my .. oh have one drink I love the whole world, second drink I fall over.
Then have half a drink.0 -
I become friendly with everyone and speak Spanglish.
Me too. I am less shy and more outgoing when I've had a little alcohol.I think you have 1 or 2 drinks in you at all times when in public. I hear alcohol helps one relax and lowers inhibitions.
This is awesome advice. And I would have done the same exact thing...LOL
I can't drink on my lunch hour!!! Not to mention my .. oh have one drink I love the whole world, second drink I fall over.0 -
I become friendly with everyone and speak Spanglish.
hahahaha .. I speak spanglish with a little french in there and don't know either language!0 -
I become friendly with everyone and speak Spanglish.
hahahaha .. I speak spanglish with a little french in there and don't know either language!
I'm constantly mixing German and Japanese into my speech too! Haha0 -
Good body language, nice smile, fun and playful voice tone. You're set!0
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Ladies...the vast majority of you have stated that you want/expect/demand a guy initiates contact.
Most have also said that rejection is something they fear and here it is not in play.
Now you all are saying that when a guy does just what you want you can`t deal with it?
Take a deep breath and a moments thought about this and stop this silliness.
That is not meant as snarky,just think about it and do what you should when the situation that you desire presents itself.0 -
is it possible that you are comparing 2 different subsets of women and are dumping us all into the superset of ladies?Ladies...the vast majority of you have stated that you want/expect/demand a guy initiates contact.
Most have also said that rejection is something they fear and here it is not in play.
Now you all are saying that when a guy does just what you want you can`t deal with it?
Take a deep breath and a moments thought about this and stop this silliness.
That is not meant as snarky,just think about it and do what you should when the situation that you desire presents itself.
it's been my experience that the guys who get confused about lady talk like this tend do so because they can't keep track of individuals and just want to lump us all together as women have said xyz...
just to be clear, asking lady A about situation B and lady B about situation A is in no way the same thing as asking lady A about situation A or lady B about situation B0 -
is it possible that you are comparing 2 different subsets of women and are dumping us all into the superset of ladies?Ladies...the vast majority of you have stated that you want/expect/demand a guy initiates contact.
Most have also said that rejection is something they fear and here it is not in play.
Now you all are saying that when a guy does just what you want you can`t deal with it?
Take a deep breath and a moments thought about this and stop this silliness.
That is not meant as snarky,just think about it and do what you should when the situation that you desire presents itself.
it's been my experience that the guys who get confused about lady talk like this tend do so because they can't keep track of individuals and just want to lump us all together as women have said xyz...
just to be clear, asking lady A about situation B and lady B about situation A is in no way the same thing as asking lady A about situation A or lady B about situation B
That is inevitable to an extant and we all do that but regardless,the overall point is still valid and not in any way an attack.
I am just saying that when you are dealt a full house you take advantage of it and especially so if one has determined that is what is close to required to begin with.0 -
I'm subset C!!! What happens to us??? :laugh:0
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is it possible that you are comparing 2 different subsets of women and are dumping us all into the superset of ladies?Ladies...the vast majority of you have stated that you want/expect/demand a guy initiates contact.
Most have also said that rejection is something they fear and here it is not in play.
Now you all are saying that when a guy does just what you want you can`t deal with it?
Take a deep breath and a moments thought about this and stop this silliness.
That is not meant as snarky,just think about it and do what you should when the situation that you desire presents itself.
it's been my experience that the guys who get confused about lady talk like this tend do so because they can't keep track of individuals and just want to lump us all together as women have said xyz...
just to be clear, asking lady A about situation B and lady B about situation A is in no way the same thing as asking lady A about situation A or lady B about situation B
I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR SO LONG
and EVERY time someone is like "Well I know, BUT" which means NO! You DON'T know!! 
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I'm subset C!!! What happens to us??? :laugh:
We just fool around with each other.:happy:0 -
I'm subset C!!! What happens to us??? :laugh:
Wine. Wine happens.
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I am just saying that when you are dealt a full house you take advantage of it and especially so if one has determined that is what is close to required to begin with.
I do agree with you Carl. We do like to be approached and then we act all pathetic. It's one of lifes enigma's :huh: But ideally, we should grow some ovaries and jump at the opportunity that has presented itself. Yes, for sure! :bigsmile:
However........................ :blushing:0 -
I'm subset C!!! What happens to us??? :laugh:
We just fool around with each other.:happy:
Wooooooooooooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! :smokin:
Jen, sorry but your husband is hitting on me!! :laugh:
:bigsmile:0 -
I'm subset C!!! What happens to us??? :laugh:
Wine. Wine happens.
I'll drink to that!! :bigsmile: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:0 -
I'm subset C!!! What happens to us??? :laugh:
We just fool around with each other.:happy:
Wooooooooooooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! :smokin:
Jen, sorry but your husband is hitting on me!! :laugh:
:bigsmile:
I figured I had a pass because she was ogling a cute guy.:grumble:0 -
I am just saying that when you are dealt a full house you take advantage of it and especially so if one has determined that is what is close to required to begin with.
I do agree with you Carl. We do like to be approached and then we act all pathetic. It's one of lifes enigma's :huh: But ideally, we should grow some ovaries and jump at the opportunity that has presented itself. Yes, for sure! :bigsmile:
However........................ :blushing:
But "we" don't! I already have my ovaries! I've said multiple times that I have no problem pursuing a guy, and that a good amount of the people I have dated were because -I- made the first move. It's incredibly frustrating time and time again to get lumped into a group that I am completely different from - as are most of the people that have been lumped in there. I'm not saying I want a disclaimer of "women except Kitsune", but it'd be nice if instead of "all you women say blah blah and really mean bloo bloo" we got "Weren't YOU (note the singular) one of the women that said blah blah?"
It seems so petty but when you see the same thing over and over and over again all the while people are going "gosh I'm confused, women are so confusing", there's a reason for it! Women are confusing because you are trying to define an entire group of unique individuals by their gender/race/age whatever!0 -
I'm subset C!!! What happens to us??? :laugh:
We just fool around with each other.:happy:
Wooooooooooooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! :smokin:
Jen, sorry but your husband is hitting on me!! :laugh:
:bigsmile:
I figured I had a pass because she was ogling a cute guy.:grumble:
:laugh: :laugh: touché!!
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I am just saying that when you are dealt a full house you take advantage of it and especially so if one has determined that is what is close to required to begin with.
I do agree with you Carl. We do like to be approached and then we act all pathetic. It's one of lifes enigma's :huh: But ideally, we should grow some ovaries and jump at the opportunity that has presented itself. Yes, for sure! :bigsmile:
However........................ :blushing:
But "we" don't! I already have my ovaries! I've said multiple times that I have no problem pursuing a guy, and that a good amount of the people I have dated were because -I- made the first move. It's incredibly frustrating time and time again to get lumped into a group that I am completely different from - as are most of the people that have been lumped in there. I'm not saying I want a disclaimer of "women except Kitsune", but it'd be nice if instead of "all you women say blah blah and really mean bloo bloo" we got "Weren't YOU (note the singular) one of the women that said blah blah?"
It seems so petty but when you see the same thing over and over and over again all the while people are going "gosh I'm confused, women are so confusing", there's a reason for it! Women are confusing because you are trying to define an entire group of unique individuals by their gender/race/age whatever!
yeah, sorry Kits, the 'we' I was referring to is Jen and me!!! (+anyone else that clams up in that situation)
And i agree, we are all different. But sometimes its a bit boring/long winded to name names and try and distinguish your every sentence. Sometimes we use the royal we cos it's easier, rather than a literal translation. i know, I know, WE all do it!! (But not ALLLLL of USSSS, just a certain few of us!!! :noway:0 -
I am just saying that when you are dealt a full house you take advantage of it and especially so if one has determined that is what is close to required to begin with.
I do agree with you Carl. We do like to be approached and then we act all pathetic. It's one of lifes enigma's :huh: But ideally, we should grow some ovaries and jump at the opportunity that has presented itself. Yes, for sure! :bigsmile:
However........................ :blushing:
But "we" don't! I already have my ovaries! I've said multiple times that I have no problem pursuing a guy, and that a good amount of the people I have dated were because -I- made the first move. It's incredibly frustrating time and time again to get lumped into a group that I am completely different from - as are most of the people that have been lumped in there. I'm not saying I want a disclaimer of "women except Kitsune", but it'd be nice if instead of "all you women say blah blah and really mean bloo bloo" we got "Weren't YOU (note the singular) one of the women that said blah blah?"
It seems so petty but when you see the same thing over and over and over again all the while people are going "gosh I'm confused, women are so confusing", there's a reason for it! Women are confusing because you are trying to define an entire group of unique individuals by their gender/race/age whatever!
If you go back and read what I wrote I did not say "all" I said the vast majority and that is simply a fact.
I do not lump everyone together and did not here but what has been posted in the past is still what it has been and most ladies insist that they take a passive role.
In light of that for so many in this thread to say they would to a degree run away mystifies me.0 -
But "we" don't! I already have my ovaries! I've said multiple times that I have no problem pursuing a guy, and that a good amount of the people I have dated were because -I- made the first move. It's incredibly frustrating time and time again to get lumped into a group that I am completely different from - as are most of the people that have been lumped in there. I'm not saying I want a disclaimer of "women except Kitsune", but it'd be nice if instead of "all you women say blah blah and really mean bloo bloo" we got "Weren't YOU (note the singular) one of the women that said blah blah?"
It seems so petty but when you see the same thing over and over and over again all the while people are going "gosh I'm confused, women are so confusing", there's a reason for it! Women are confusing because you are trying to define an entire group of unique individuals by their gender/race/age whatever!
Darling, with all due respect.. not everyone has the confidence to be like you, whether they possess the ovaries or not. That didn't sound very nice by the way. There are many reasons women do not approach men, and it may not necessarily have anything to do with the possession or lack of ovaries, bravery and/or confidence.
The original poster, along with many of the women here have concurred and said that they would also have acted shy or awkward or embarrassed. Neither you or I are among that group, so let's just assume that we were not the ones being addressed.
Women ARE confusing, as are men. People are confusing! Stereotypes exist for a reason, though I agree, often they do more harm than good, and most everyone wants to think of themselves as perfectly unique, individual and special little snowflakes.
Sometimes though, it is simply easier to address the group, particularly when a majority of that group seem to share a similar experience and/or viewpoint.. No one wants to be accused of picking on a specific individual, and truthfully the OP was not the only woman to share that opinion.
Fair?0 -
I am just saying that when you are dealt a full house you take advantage of it and especially so if one has determined that is what is close to required to begin with.
I do agree with you Carl. We do like to be approached and then we act all pathetic. It's one of lifes enigma's :huh: But ideally, we should grow some ovaries and jump at the opportunity that has presented itself. Yes, for sure! :bigsmile:
However........................ :blushing:
But "we" don't! I already have my ovaries! I've said multiple times that I have no problem pursuing a guy, and that a good amount of the people I have dated were because -I- made the first move. It's incredibly frustrating time and time again to get lumped into a group that I am completely different from - as are most of the people that have been lumped in there. I'm not saying I want a disclaimer of "women except Kitsune", but it'd be nice if instead of "all you women say blah blah and really mean bloo bloo" we got "Weren't YOU (note the singular) one of the women that said blah blah?"
It seems so petty but when you see the same thing over and over and over again all the while people are going "gosh I'm confused, women are so confusing", there's a reason for it! Women are confusing because you are trying to define an entire group of unique individuals by their gender/race/age whatever!
If you go back and read what I wrote I did not say "all" I said the vast majority and that is simply a fact.
I do not lump everyone together and did not here but what has been posted in the past is still what it has been and most ladies insist that they take a passive role.
In light of that for so many in this thread to say they would to a degree run away mystifies me.
the thing is though just because a lady might prefer it if a guy approaches them doesn't mean she's saying she would reciprocate, even if she were interested :laugh:
my suggestion carl would be to not take notes and do whatever it is that you're going to do.. approach if you want or dont approach. there's no way of knowing whether ór not what you do will work at any given moment of time. you just gotta try and go with the flow.
like i've said before it's a wonder anyone hooks up with anyone considering how many things have to go right. for instance, i'm nor normally a flirty chatty person but i recently ignored a chance from a cute guy because i was too cold and too much in a rush to get home :laugh: for all i know he could have been the future mr.meshashesha but at the moment all i could think of was getting home0 -
The ovaries I mentioned were in direct response to Anna who mentioned it, I just thought it was cute and carried it along. I certainly didn't mean an offense and if any was taken I apologize. I do see how that could be hurtful and insensitive. From my understanding is it was the lady version of "grow some balls". Maybe I should say "lady up" instead of "man up" when it comes to referring to confidence?But "we" don't! I already have my ovaries! I've said multiple times that I have no problem pursuing a guy, and that a good amount of the people I have dated were because -I- made the first move. It's incredibly frustrating time and time again to get lumped into a group that I am completely different from - as are most of the people that have been lumped in there. I'm not saying I want a disclaimer of "women except Kitsune", but it'd be nice if instead of "all you women say blah blah and really mean bloo bloo" we got "Weren't YOU (note the singular) one of the women that said blah blah?"
It seems so petty but when you see the same thing over and over and over again all the while people are going "gosh I'm confused, women are so confusing", there's a reason for it! Women are confusing because you are trying to define an entire group of unique individuals by their gender/race/age whatever!
Darling, with all due respect.. not everyone has the confidence to be like you, whether they possess the ovaries or not. That didn't sound very nice by the way. There are many reasons women do not approach men, and it may not necessarily have anything to do with the possession or lack of ovaries, bravery and/or confidence.The original poster, along with many of the women here have concurred and said that they would also have acted shy or awkward or embarrassed. Neither you or I are among that group, so let's just assume that we were not the ones being addressed.
I could get nitpicky and argue my point, but I think in this instance I have to cede to yours. You are correct in the grand scheme of things.Women ARE confusing, as are men. People are confusing! Stereotypes exist for a reason, though I agree, often they do more harm than good, and most everyone wants to think of themselves as perfectly unique, individual and special little snowflakes.
I am confused by people a lot, but more often than not it has less to do with their gender and more to do with their individual thought process (or lack thereof). So yeah, everyone wants to think of themselves as snowflakes and whatever, but that's because we are. I think that stereotypes exist for a reason, but the more broad and general that stereotype gets, the less true and relevant it becomes. There's something to be said for that, which is why I rail so hard against broad generalizations.Sometimes though, it is simply easier to address the group, particularly when a majority of that group seem to share a similar experience and/or viewpoint.. No one wants to be accused of picking on a specific individual, and truthfully the OP was not the only woman to share that opinion.
Fair?
Fair. I see your point.0 -
Ladies...the vast majority of you have stated that you want/expect/demand a guy initiates contact.
Most have also said that rejection is something they fear and here it is not in play.
Now you all are saying that when a guy does just what you want you can`t deal with it?
Take a deep breath and a moments thought about this and stop this silliness.
That is not meant as snarky,just think about it and do what you should when the situation that you desire presents itself.
The problem here is that what we think we would do if a situation arises can be completely different from reality...blame chick flicks for this since they make meeting seem so easy and natural. :laugh: Yes, women (generally speaking) enjoy when guys initiate contact. But the reality is that Jen was standing in line in a sub shop on a workday. This is just a guess based on my own experience, but she was probably standing there debating her order (and possibly worrying how it will fit into her MFP food log), possibly checking messages on her phone, and lamenting the fact that she would be late getting back to work, among a million other thoughts on a 'normal' day. Just because in fantasy we'd all like to be talked up in line does not mean that we are used to it in real life, so I can completely understand how and why she became tongue tied when it actually happened.0 -
I missed a lot of this conversation....
But I do remember back in the day when a man would say something to me and I would mumble something and then run off in an overflow of emotions. I wanted guys to approach me, but when they did (since it happened so rarely) I would get flustered.
What helped... and what now allows me to smile and say hi to total strangers and accept the flirting from men I meet without getting so nervous I blow it is: PRACTICE. Practice talking to all kinds of people. Whoever's in front of/behind you in line. The checkout girl. The guy standing next to you looking at the same soups you are. Just make up something based on what's nearby (Oh, have you had that XYZ product before? I was thinking of trying it). It also helps to replay in your mind what you would do different if the same situation arises tomorrow. He says "nice day huh..." and you flash him your biggest smile and say "sure is... if you could do anything outside today, what would it be" and then take it from there. And then expand the conversation in your mind. Kinda like virtual practice.
HTH,
JJ0 -
Didn't read anything but the OP... here is the deal, unless you totally *kitten* the bed the dude isn't even going to notice that you are nervous.0
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Maybe this goes beyond the thread but this is exasperating to me as a guy,our minds just do not work in any way that this makes sense.Ladies...the vast majority of you have stated that you want/expect/demand a guy initiates contact.
Most have also said that rejection is something they fear and here it is not in play.
Now you all are saying that when a guy does just what you want you can`t deal with it?
Take a deep breath and a moments thought about this and stop this silliness.
That is not meant as snarky,just think about it and do what you should when the situation that you desire presents itself.
The problem here is that what we think we would do if a situation arises can be completely different from reality...blame chick flicks for this since they make meeting seem so easy and natural. :laugh: Yes, women (generally speaking) enjoy when guys initiate contact. But the reality is that Jen was standing in line in a sub shop on a workday. This is just a guess based on my own experience, but she was probably standing there debating her order (and possibly worrying how it will fit into her MFP food log), possibly checking messages on her phone, and lamenting the fact that she would be late getting back to work, among a million other thoughts on a 'normal' day. Just because in fantasy we'd all like to be talked up in line does not mean that we are used to it in real life, so I can completely understand how and why she became tongue tied when it actually happened.0 -
The most I would have managed to get out would be a "hi" and a smile.
The easiest thing to look approachable and that you might be interested is to simply smile.0 -
The problem here is that what we think we would do if a situation arises can be completely different from reality...blame chick flicks for this since they make meeting seem so easy and natural. :laugh: Yes, women (generally speaking) enjoy when guys initiate contact. But the reality is that Jen was standing in line in a sub shop on a workday. This is just a guess based on my own experience, but she was probably standing there debating her order (and possibly worrying how it will fit into her MFP food log), possibly checking messages on her phone, and lamenting the fact that she would be late getting back to work, among a million other thoughts on a 'normal' day. Just because in fantasy we'd all like to be talked up in line does not mean that we are used to it in real life, so I can completely understand how and why she became tongue tied when it actually happened.
Very true. I would love it if a guy approached me...but on the other hand, I'd be totally freaked out just like Jen was.I'm not saying I want a disclaimer of "women except Kitsune", but it'd be nice if instead of "all you women say blah blah and really mean bloo bloo" we got "Weren't YOU (note the singular) one of the women that said blah blah?"
I liked on Kerri_is_so_very's thread that she titled it "someone please tell me why SOME guys do this." Good distinction there, otherwise men would've been up in arms saying, "you're wrong! I don't do that."0 -
Oh.. I wish you could attend my master class on small talk and flirting! LOL :flowerforyou:
Me too!! I wanna join :bigsmile:
I'm in! Could we have a Peeps masterclass by skype?! :happy:0
This discussion has been closed.