Is there a time......
poncho33
Posts: 1,511
When all the rules of dating go out the window and you declare marshal law on your love life?? I ask this because a lot of our members are over 30 and it seems like the amount of chances or choices we get shrink. For instance when I was 21 and it was Saturday night my phone would light up like a Christmas Tree... now at 30 I might get a call asking me if I'm happy with my cable provider. So I guess the question is, how far are you willing to go to up your chances of meeting quality dates?? Or do you feel sticking with traditional dating norms is the way to go??
**OP's note, this is meant for conversation and I'm not looking for advice on my cable provider
**OP's note, this is meant for conversation and I'm not looking for advice on my cable provider
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I go through periods where I don't care if it's just me, myself, and I (oh and my dog!) on the weekends. Then other times it drives me insane.
I am really curious what you have in mind here thoughSo I guess the question is, how far are you willing to go to up your chances of meeting quality dates?? 0 -
I go through periods where I don't care if it's just me, myself, and I (oh and my dog!) on the weekends. Then other times it drives me insane.
I am really curious what you have in mind here thoughSo I guess the question is, how far are you willing to go to up your chances of meeting quality dates??
for example as a woman would you ask a complete stranger that you saw and were attracted to on a date?? I wanted to post this because I have read a lot of threads here and it seems like people shy away from a lot of stuff because of the social norm or fear of rejection.0 -
I find this to be the opposite for me. I have 100x more options today than I had when I was 20. Makes me think I must have been a real loser back in the day!0
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for example as a woman would you ask a complete stranger that you saw and were attracted to on a date??
Never ever never would I do this. I may send my best friend over with a check yes or no letter, but I would never ASK in person! Just kidding. No, I would never ask some strange handsome man on a date. I wish I could, but I would never and have never.0 -
I am not actively searching right now. I did log in to OkCupid for all of five minutes yesterday to check out some messages, didn't see anything that interested me, so I logged out again. That's the first time I've logged in... in about a month? And last time I did that I didn't even finish checking messages before I got bored.
That being said, if I see someone I'm interested in I go for it. That's always been my M.O.
I guess I've never really done "The rules" of dating, which is why I get confused/frustrated when people here constantly talk about what they "should" or "shouldn't" do. My mindset has always been "I want that, I'm gonna go for it and if it doesn't work out, oh well!"
So maybe I'm not your target audience for this question...0 -
I find this to be the opposite for me. I have 100x more options today than I had when I was 20. Makes me think I must have been a real loser back in the day!
Interesting... so what differences are you finding in your life now in contrast to 20 that are opening up your options??0 -
I am not actively searching right now. I did log in to OkCupid for all of five minutes yesterday to check out some messages, didn't see anything that interested me, so I logged out again. That's the first time I've logged in... in about a month? And last time I did that I didn't even finish checking messages before I got bored.
That being said, if I see someone I'm interested in I go for it. That's always been my M.O.
I guess I've never really done "The rules" of dating, which is why I get confused/frustrated when people here constantly talk about what they "should" or "shouldn't" do. My mindset has always been "I want that, I'm gonna go for it and if it doesn't work out, oh well!"
So maybe I'm not your target audience for this question...
I think on this one you and I agree, I'm a *kitten* the rules type when it comes to dating.0 -
I find this to be the opposite for me. I have 100x more options today than I had when I was 20. Makes me think I must have been a real loser back in the day!
Interesting... so what differences are you finding in your life now in contrast to 20 that are opening up your options??
The only difference between now and then is steady employment as opposed to college student. I think my game is more refined now than it was when I was 20 too.
I'm sure there are plenty of differences. I think 30 is a "sweet spot" for men when it comes to dating.0 -
I have asked clients out on a date, but never a stranger while I'm out and about. Little by little I feel more comfortable with the idea of doing that one day.0
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for example as a woman would you ask a complete stranger that you saw and were attracted to on a date?? I wanted to post this because I have read a lot of threads here and it seems like people shy away from a lot of stuff because of the social norm or fear of rejection.
I probably wouldn't ask a total stranger out immediately, but I'm also not one of those women who won't ask out a guy at all... I guess I'd at least like to know we have something in common first.0 -
@Mike - That's because you're a man and you do. You can date any age woman you want right now. At 20, that was a lot harder. lol
@Ponch - I think I'm becoming more brave and have been striking up more conversations. Not because I'm desperate or feel a "need", but because I've been trying to place myself in more social situations. I'm very confident and assertive at work. I can brief a room full of 50 people, answer whatever question they throw at me, debate for hours, all without blinking an eye. But, put me in a social setting and I freeze up. With men or women...until I warm up to them. This is a known weakness that I need to fix. So, I've been putting myself into more situations where I have to overcome it. I joined the choir at church, go to more social gatherings at church, meetups, friend's parties, even out running errands I'll strike up a conversation (with men and women).
I got a good laugh laugh last week....I ran into an attractive man a couple man a couple times in the bookstore, when he was an aisle over, I took a good look (didn't think he saw me). Just as I saw his wedding ring, his son caught me. I tried to play it off and heard his son giving him a hard time about the hot chick checking him out.0 -
I tried to play it off and heard his son giving him a hard time about the hot chick checking him out.
Talk about a confidence boost!0 -
First of all let me just say I adore the line "declare marshal law on your love life"... That's fantastic!
I am not your target audience for this either.. I'm definitely an F the rules kind of girl, when it comes to a lot of things. Like illegal U-turns and do not go past this point kind of stuff.
If I really wanted someone or something and thought I had a chance of getting it, I would absolutely go after it/them. But I take calculated risks for the most part and need some indicator of a positive outcome.
I am 34. I'm not in a rush to get married and have kids at all. But at this point in life, I do enjoy just saying F it.. life is too short to not take a chance or at least have a little fun.
Last spring I met a very good looking man and his friend at a pub.. and for some reason knew I had seen him before, but couldn't figure it out. They were friendly, bought my friend and I a drink, flirted, but did not reveal where they worked. So.. I put a couple things together and finally figured out where I knew him from (he is one of the asst. coaches of a hockey team and I've been to a number of games). My work happens to be right by the arena they play at, so I left him a message saying it was nice to meet him and to give me a call if he ever wanted to go for a coffee. I actually meant this even on a very platonic basis. Nope, he never got back to me. In the eyes of "normal" people..I probably sound like a stalker. But.. I don't really care. Sometimes I just have to take the risk to explore something or to find out..because not knowing is what kills me.
I initiated the first conversation with my boyfriend as well.. and I am extremely happy I did. He told me he loved me last night by the way. First time he's ever said that to a woman. He's 31..and has been the consummate bachelor to this point....
I have never regretted any of the risks I've taken in life...I've only regretted being too fearful to not take a chance on something.0 -
I tried to play it off and heard his son giving him a hard time about the hot chick checking him out.
Talk about a confidence boost!
That's what I was thinking! Good for you girl! lol
BTW Run- Burger pic? AWESOME! I'm hungry now... checking out for lunch!0 -
I tried to play it off and heard his son giving him a hard time about the hot chick checking him out.
Talk about a confidence boost!
It was!! But, high school boys love me. My last long term relationship was with a man who had a 15 year old son. My ex-bf said that he had never seen so many of the neighbor boys in his house until I showed up. Hahaha0 -
I initiated the first conversation with my boyfriend as well.. and I am extremely happy I did. He told me he loved me last night by the way. First time he's ever said that to a woman. He's 31..and has been the consummate bachelor to this point....
I have never regretted any of the risks I've taken in life...I've only regretted being too fearful to not take a chance on something.
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I have never regretted any of the risks I've taken in life...I've only regretted being too fearful to not take a chance on something.
LOVE THIS!
Did you say I love you back?
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That's what I was thinking! Good for you girl! lol
BTW Run- Burger pic? AWESOME! I'm hungry now... checking out for lunch!
afv - You have to read the words next to the burger. Keeps me from wanting one.
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I initiated the first conversation with my boyfriend as well.. and I am extremely happy I did. He told me he loved me last night by the way. First time he's ever said that to a woman. He's 31..and has been the consummate bachelor to this point....
I have never regretted any of the risks I've taken in life...I've only regretted being too fearful to not take a chance on something.
Ditto!!!0 -
That's what I was thinking! Good for you girl! lol
BTW Run- Burger pic? AWESOME! I'm hungry now... checking out for lunch!
afv - You have to read the words next to the burger. Keeps me from wanting one.
I REFUSE to read the words next to the burger...0 -
That's what I was thinking! Good for you girl! lol
BTW Run- Burger pic? AWESOME! I'm hungry now... checking out for lunch!
afv - You have to read the words next to the burger. Keeps me from wanting one.
*^%*#%*$#*!!! I read it... :noway: :frown: No burger for me...0 -
I REFUSE to read the words next to the burger...
Hahaha!! You are too funny!! It's really not bad. Just my motivation for the holiday season.
ETA - Knew you would.....Never say never.... Sorry.... 0 -
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That's what I was thinking! Good for you girl! lol
BTW Run- Burger pic? AWESOME! I'm hungry now... checking out for lunch!
afv - You have to read the words next to the burger. Keeps me from wanting one.
*^%*#%*$#*!!! I read it... :noway: :frown: No burger for me...
Yeah, that didn't work for me. I still totally want a burger.
And a car that runs on water.0 -
I LOVE the burger picture. Food is fuel..food is fuel.. I need to keep thinking this the whole way through this month!
So...back to I love you's.. well last weekend that word sort of slipped out for both of us last weekend..and we had a conversation about how it was probably far too early to know if we were "in love" with each other, but that we certainly cared a lot for and loved each other as people etc.
We have already discussed (somewhat jokingly, other times not) everything from having separate bedrooms, to if things continue to go well - me moving in next late spring/summer, his choices for the names of our children-should we choose to have any!!... he has talked about me and shown my picture to pretty much everyone he comes into contact with...calls me "a keeper".. yeah... it sounds intense I know..yet it isn't freaking either of us out. It feels surprisingly normal and extremely comfortable and fun! He never wanted to get married before (both of us have crap family experiences), and he said after meeting me that he could now see why people might actually want to do that. I have always maintained that I didn't want to have any kids. I could actually see potentially wanting them..with him. This is a first for me.
From the beginning we had conversations which we both acknowledged we shouldn't be having pre-first date! I want to worry that we are just on some high and that it will die out quickly..but on the other hand, I only see him a couple times a week at best and it seems strangely well paced. He is extremely independent. So it is surprising both of us that he is so emotionally communicative. And for me.. quite truthfully I kind of adore him. :blushing:
Yesterday he had a late dinner meeting and texted me "In our meeting. I keep talking about you. Seems I'm in love". I asked if that was his observation or his partners and he wrote "Both. Apparently I won't shut up about you. Even now they are teasing me for texting you in a meeting. Gotta go for now. I love you."
That..does not suck.0 -
I was a rule gal. I'm sure y'all remember my posts. As I've dated more and more, I've gotten the "*kitten* the rules"'attitude myself. I still have boundaries and standards but if I want to kiss a dude, I'll kiss him on 1st date (or before that ). I haven't asked a guy out and doubt I will but I definitely put myself out there. I will go to places I enjoy and make myself approachable. My fav music venue is where I meet a lot of men. I'm usually there by myself. I'll chat the one that catches my attention and usually we hang out the rest of the night.
I'm also dating younger guys. I used to think 29 was too young. I'm now dating guys around 26-27...
The only thing I haven't compromised is dating a single father. I don't see myself breaking that rule.0 -
I LOVE the burger picture. Food is fuel..food is fuel.. I need to keep thinking this the whole way through this month!
So...back to I love you's.. well last weekend that word sort of slipped out for both of us last weekend..and we had a conversation about how it was probably far too early to know if we were "in love" with each other, but that we certainly cared a lot for and loved each other as people etc.
We have already discussed (somewhat jokingly, other times not) everything from having separate bedrooms, to if things continue to go well - me moving in next late spring/summer, his choices for the names of our children-should we choose to have any!!... he has talked about me and shown my picture to pretty much everyone he comes into contact with...calls me "a keeper".. yeah... it sounds intense I know..yet it isn't freaking either of us out. It feels surprisingly normal and extremely comfortable and fun! He never wanted to get married before (both of us have crap family experiences), and he said after meeting me that he could now see why people might actually want to do that. I have always maintained that I didn't want to have any kids. I could actually see potentially wanting them..with him. This is a first for me.
From the beginning we had conversations which we both acknowledged we shouldn't be having pre-first date! I want to worry that we are just on some high and that it will die out quickly..but on the other hand, I only see him a couple times a week at best and it seems strangely well paced. He is extremely independent. So it is surprising both of us that he is so emotionally communicative. And for me.. quite truthfully I kind of adore him. :blushing:
Yesterday he had a late dinner meeting and texted me "In our meeting. I keep talking about you. Seems I'm in love". I asked if that was his observation or his partners and he wrote "Both. Apparently I won't shut up about you. Even now they are teasing me for texting you in a meeting. Gotta go for now. I love you."
That..does not suck.
Awwwww.....That...is awesome. All of it. 0 -
I LOVE the burger picture. Food is fuel..food is fuel.. I need to keep thinking this the whole way through this month!
So...back to I love you's.. well last weekend that word sort of slipped out for both of us last weekend..and we had a conversation about how it was probably far too early to know if we were "in love" with each other, but that we certainly cared a lot for and loved each other as people etc.
We have already discussed (somewhat jokingly, other times not) everything from having separate bedrooms, to if things continue to go well - me moving in next late spring/summer, his choices for the names of our children-should we choose to have any!!... he has talked about me and shown my picture to pretty much everyone he comes into contact with...calls me "a keeper".. yeah... it sounds intense I know..yet it isn't freaking either of us out. It feels surprisingly normal and extremely comfortable and fun! He never wanted to get married before (both of us have crap family experiences), and he said after meeting me that he could now see why people might actually want to do that. I have always maintained that I didn't want to have any kids. I could actually see potentially wanting them..with him. This is a first for me.
From the beginning we had conversations which we both acknowledged we shouldn't be having pre-first date! I want to worry that we are just on some high and that it will die out quickly..but on the other hand, I only see him a couple times a week at best and it seems strangely well paced. He is extremely independent. So it is surprising both of us that he is so emotionally communicative. And for me.. quite truthfully I kind of adore him. :blushing:
Yesterday he had a late dinner meeting and texted me "In our meeting. I keep talking about you. Seems I'm in love". I asked if that was his observation or his partners and he wrote "Both. Apparently I won't shut up about you. Even now they are teasing me for texting you in a meeting. Gotta go for now. I love you."
That..does not suck.
That sounds AMAZING! Can't wait to be in your shoes one day but I am so happy for you! :flowerforyou:0 -
I LOVE the burger picture. Food is fuel..food is fuel.. I need to keep thinking this the whole way through this month!
So...back to I love you's.. well last weekend that word sort of slipped out for both of us last weekend..and we had a conversation about how it was probably far too early to know if we were "in love" with each other, but that we certainly cared a lot for and loved each other as people etc.
We have already discussed (somewhat jokingly, other times not) everything from having separate bedrooms, to if things continue to go well - me moving in next late spring/summer, his choices for the names of our children-should we choose to have any!!... he has talked about me and shown my picture to pretty much everyone he comes into contact with...calls me "a keeper".. yeah... it sounds intense I know..yet it isn't freaking either of us out. It feels surprisingly normal and extremely comfortable and fun! He never wanted to get married before (both of us have crap family experiences), and he said after meeting me that he could now see why people might actually want to do that. I have always maintained that I didn't want to have any kids. I could actually see potentially wanting them..with him. This is a first for me.
From the beginning we had conversations which we both acknowledged we shouldn't be having pre-first date! I want to worry that we are just on some high and that it will die out quickly..but on the other hand, I only see him a couple times a week at best and it seems strangely well paced. He is extremely independent. So it is surprising both of us that he is so emotionally communicative. And for me.. quite truthfully I kind of adore him. :blushing:
Yesterday he had a late dinner meeting and texted me "In our meeting. I keep talking about you. Seems I'm in love". I asked if that was his observation or his partners and he wrote "Both. Apparently I won't shut up about you. Even now they are teasing me for texting you in a meeting. Gotta go for now. I love you."
That..does not suck.
This is so sweet! I'm very happy for you!0 -
The only thing I haven't compromised is dating a single father. I don't see myself breaking that rule.
I know not everyone (guy) is the same but been there done that and honestly, I do not want to date a guy with a child... I hate not acknowledging any messages I receive in OKC from single dads but I just can't do it. :indifferent:0 -
The only thing I haven't compromised is dating a single father. I don't see myself breaking that rule.
I know not everyone (guy) is the same but been there done that and honestly, I do not want to date a guy with a child... I hate not acknowledging any messages I receive in OKC from single dads but I just can't do it. :indifferent:
Yup. I disliked how OKC didn't have a way to pick a preference the way POF did on dating people with children.0
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