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Is there a time......
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Me follow rules ..yeah not so much. Last night walked up to a group of Air force boys. Got a free shot of tequilla and everything. I go out to have fun and (no offense guys) guys are part of the fun. Flirting, dancing and just general conversation dont happen on their own.
BTW girls if you want to appraoch a group of guys simply use a female friends as a scapegoat a la " my friend bet me a shot to come over here and talk to you guys so help a girl out wont you" now they will more then likely know this is a line but most men are just so flattered and relieved that the female is willing to initiate contact that they go along with it.
I make my own guidelines0 -
I LOVE the burger picture. Food is fuel..food is fuel.. I need to keep thinking this the whole way through this month!
So...back to I love you's.. well last weekend that word sort of slipped out for both of us last weekend..and we had a conversation about how it was probably far too early to know if we were "in love" with each other, but that we certainly cared a lot for and loved each other as people etc.
We have already discussed (somewhat jokingly, other times not) everything from having separate bedrooms, to if things continue to go well - me moving in next late spring/summer, his choices for the names of our children-should we choose to have any!!... he has talked about me and shown my picture to pretty much everyone he comes into contact with...calls me "a keeper".. yeah... it sounds intense I know..yet it isn't freaking either of us out. It feels surprisingly normal and extremely comfortable and fun! He never wanted to get married before (both of us have crap family experiences), and he said after meeting me that he could now see why people might actually want to do that. I have always maintained that I didn't want to have any kids. I could actually see potentially wanting them..with him. This is a first for me.
From the beginning we had conversations which we both acknowledged we shouldn't be having pre-first date! I want to worry that we are just on some high and that it will die out quickly..but on the other hand, I only see him a couple times a week at best and it seems strangely well paced. He is extremely independent. So it is surprising both of us that he is so emotionally communicative. And for me.. quite truthfully I kind of adore him. :blushing:
Yesterday he had a late dinner meeting and texted me "In our meeting. I keep talking about you. Seems I'm in love". I asked if that was his observation or his partners and he wrote "Both. Apparently I won't shut up about you. Even now they are teasing me for texting you in a meeting. Gotta go for now. I love you."
That..does not suck.
so sweet!0 -
Asked many....complete strangers.....none worked.for example as a woman would you ask a complete stranger that you saw and were attracted to on a date?? I wanted to post this because I have read a lot of threads here and it seems like people shy away from a lot of stuff because of the social norm or fear of rejection.
Nothing in life is guaranteed. So why fear rejection?0 -
Rules. I could make a very long list detailing the ways I rebelled against rules when I was younger and have had to pay for it (often involving authority- I'm now older so mostly reduced to driving too fast) but dating and relationships are completely compartmentalized from any other stupid rule breaking I might be prone to.
Before I got married, I had never approached anyone ever ever ever- the most I could muster was eye contact. I went out with a fair number of people in my early 20's, so it worked. After divorcing, that did not work anymore. So, despite being sort of traditionally submissive about meeting men- I had a very frustrating time with zero dates, and finally said **** it to my own rules (do not approach!) and worked a way to approach. So, it basically took crazy frustration, and probably a certain level of confidence. I think the confidence part is pretty important- you can't change things that aren't working unless you think there might be a possibility of success.0 -
I have been in a long term relationship that isn't working, on so many levels, for two and half years. However, I hold on because I don't want to be alone and I definitely don't want to do the whole dating thing again. I guess that is what you call settling.0
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I really feel that the OP is asking this question to women mainly... No?
Yes.I find this to be the opposite for me. I have 100x more options today than I had when I was 20. Makes me think I must have been a real loser back in the day!
And yes.I think my game is more refined now than it was when I was 20 too.
I think 30 is a "sweet spot" for men when it comes to dating.0 -
I really feel that the OP is asking this question to women mainly... No?
Yes.I find this to be the opposite for me. I have 100x more options today than I had when I was 20. Makes me think I must have been a real loser back in the day!
Are you saying Yes that I'm right.. or Yes that I was a real loser back in the day? :laugh:0 -
I really feel that the OP is asking this question to women mainly... No?
I think in this group the more interesting answers to this topic would come from women but I was looking for both genders view. I got the idea of the topic from the thread that was deleted yesterday. The poster said she really wanted a date with the guy but was willing to do very little to obtain it.0 -
I have been in a long term relationship that isn't working, on so many levels, for two and half years. However, I hold on because I don't want to be alone and I definitely don't want to do the whole dating thing again. I guess that is what you call settling.
You sound A LOT like me. :brokenheart:0 -
I have been in a long term relationship that isn't working, on so many levels, for two and half years. However, I hold on because I don't want to be alone and I definitely don't want to do the whole dating thing again. I guess that is what you call settling.
Please don't be like me!!! I thought the same thing and stayed with him for 14 years and although I am still single, but dating I am more happy now than I was back then. We all think that we won't find that special someone, but staying in that situation does not help your chances of finding him/her.
Just my $0.02..:flowerforyou:0 -
I'm saying I agree with you, and I was - like you - a loser back in the day!Are you saying Yes that I'm right.. or Yes that I was a real loser back in the day? :laugh:
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I really feel that the OP is asking this question to women mainly... No?
I think in this group the more interesting answers to this topic would come from women but I was looking for both genders view. I got the idea of the topic from the thread that was deleted yesterday. The poster said she really wanted a date with the guy but was willing to do very little to obtain it.
I know people like this. Someone I know who shall remain nameless wont even smile at as guy or make eye contact with him at the bar and then she wonders why they wont appraoch her.
Personally I like it if the guys are standing near the bar it makes it easier to hit on them. You just go to the bar to order a drink and stand next to them0 -
If someone has a good idea I'm game for whatever. I've tried meetup (going to be going to a Xmas meetup party tonight), I've tried online dating, I've tried just joining groups kayaking/running ext. I have NO clue how to have a man as for my #.
And yes there is the alternative that I ask for his...but for the most part when I've asked a man's opinion of this they will time and time again say that if a man is asked out he will be flattered and mostlikely go on a pity date..or screw but if he had been interested enough to date me in the first place he would have approached...so I don't want to be a pity date or screw so I don't ask.0 -
I really feel that the OP is asking this question to women mainly... No?
I think in this group the more interesting answers to this topic would come from women but I was looking for both genders view. I got the idea of the topic from the thread that was deleted yesterday. The poster said she really wanted a date with the guy but was willing to do very little to obtain it.
I know people like this. Someone I know who shall remain nameless wont even smile at as guy or make eye contact with him at the bar and then she wonders why they wont appraoch her.
Personally I like it if the guys are standing near the bar it makes it easier to hit on them. You just go to the bar to order a drink and stand next to them
Same goes for women. Even when they are there with a group of others, it makes it much easier to strike up a convo when they are just standing or sitting at the bar. Can approach them in a much more relaxed way when ordering beers.0 -
Personally I like it if the guys are standing near the bar it makes it easier to hit on them. You just go to the bar to order a drink and stand next to them
Me too! I'll stare at them until they look at me then I say "hello there". Works almost every time!!
Except the time the gf came up.. Oops! 0 -
...but for the most part when I've asked a man's opinion of this they will time and time again say that if a man is asked out he will be flattered and mostlikely go on a pity date..or screw but if he had been interested enough to date me in the first place he would have approached...so I don't want to be a pity date or screw so I don't ask.
^^ This is what the guys I've talked with have said as well. If a man is interested, he will ask for your number. Otherwise don't bother with him. So...I'll talk and flirt, and sometimes even drop hints about upcoming events in the area, but I won't ask a man out on a date.0 -
nope. i'm too comfortable in my loserdom. i'll happily sit at home alone on the weekends. :-)0
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for example as a woman would you ask a complete stranger that you saw and were attracted to on a date??
Never ever never would I do this. I may send my best friend over with a check yes or no letter, but I would never ASK in person! Just kidding. No, I would never ask some strange handsome man on a date. I wish I could, but I would never and have never.
Same here. The most I would go above and beyond is join a online dating site.0 -
...but for the most part when I've asked a man's opinion of this they will time and time again say that if a man is asked out he will be flattered and mostlikely go on a pity date..or screw but if he had been interested enough to date me in the first place he would have approached...so I don't want to be a pity date or screw so I don't ask.
^^ This is what the guys I've talked with have said as well. If a man is interested, he will ask for your number. Otherwise don't bother with him. So...I'll talk and flirt, and sometimes even drop hints about upcoming events in the area, but I won't ask a man out on a date.
I agree completely.
In an ideal world it would be equal but I know that men like to chase, it's just in their nature, and if you ask them first, it takes the fun out of it.0 -
Well, let's see. In my early 20's I was really sick when my Lupus relapsed so I didn't have much fun. Mid-20's I pretty much made up for it and said F the rules.
I ended up saving so much money on drinks -- I had a drinking rule that if you bought me a drink I would kiss you. I kissed men and women. Women didn't get any tongue action though. LOL!! I vaguely forgot how wild I used to be until I was at the family reunion and an aunt (and family) I haven't seen in probably five years decided to tell me how shocked she was too see those type of photos. She said - YOU KISSED EVERYONE!! :laugh: Yeah, there is picture proof of it all too. Not ashamed of it one bit. It's amazing I never got my butt kicked -- I never asked any guy if they were seeing anyone. And depending on the guy depended on the type of kiss they got. And it's wonder why I had bronchitis a couple of times a year.
Mind you I only had this drinking rule when I was single. Did meet a few BF's this way though. Never were long term. I was having too much fun. I was in school, but didn't have a job so I was able to get my homework done and still party hardy!!
Now that I am in my 30's I still have a lot of offers -- I am just looking for someone more stable. I don't want all our dates to be IN A BAR! I would like some substance, culture, and romance in a relationship so I am little more picky when it comes to dating then I used to be. Eventually, I want to find the one.0 -
I tried to play it off and heard his son giving him a hard time about the hot chick checking him out.
Talk about a confidence boost!
It was!! But, high school boys love me. My last long term relationship was with a man who had a 15 year old son. My ex-bf said that he had never seen so many of the neighbor boys in his house until I showed up. Hahaha
Yeah, no kidding. Nice shirt, btw.
--P0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:nope. i'm too comfortable in my loserdom. i'll happily sit at home alone on the weekends. :-)
It's a known fact that men NEVER have confidence issues and are always in the mood for asking a girl's number. I know that what you are saying is - in an ideal world - how it should be, but keep in mind it is not necessarily the case.
I agree completely.
^^ This is what the guys I've talked with have said as well. If a man is interested, he will ask for your number. Otherwise don't bother with him. So...I'll talk and flirt, and sometimes even drop hints about upcoming events in the area, but I won't ask a man out on a date....but for the most part when I've asked a man's opinion of this they will time and time again say that if a man is asked out he will be flattered and mostlikely go on a pity date..or screw but if he had been interested enough to date me in the first place he would have approached...so I don't want to be a pity date or screw so I don't ask.
In an ideal world it would be equal but I know that men like to chase, it's just in their nature, and if you ask them first, it takes the fun out of it.
That said, I hope for other men they realise if a girl is flirting with them.0 -
well, i'm glad SOMEONE found that funny ;-)
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:nope. i'm too comfortable in my loserdom. i'll happily sit at home alone on the weekends. :-)0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:nope. i'm too comfortable in my loserdom. i'll happily sit at home alone on the weekends. :-)
It's a known fact that men NEVER have confidence issues and are always in the mood for asking a girl's number. I know that what you are saying is - in an ideal world - how it should be, but keep in mind it is not necessarily the case.
I agree completely.
^^ This is what the guys I've talked with have said as well. If a man is interested, he will ask for your number. Otherwise don't bother with him. So...I'll talk and flirt, and sometimes even drop hints about upcoming events in the area, but I won't ask a man out on a date....but for the most part when I've asked a man's opinion of this they will time and time again say that if a man is asked out he will be flattered and mostlikely go on a pity date..or screw but if he had been interested enough to date me in the first place he would have approached...so I don't want to be a pity date or screw so I don't ask.
In an ideal world it would be equal but I know that men like to chase, it's just in their nature, and if you ask them first, it takes the fun out of it.
That said, I hope for other men they realise if a girl is flirting with them.
LOL I love your sarcasm somtimes....While dont ask guys on dates I have no problem texting every male in my phone to see whose gonna meet up with me or pick me up to head out. Make a guys life easier girls, smile, say hi at the bar and strike up a conversation0 -
It's a known fact that men NEVER have confidence issues and are always in the mood for asking a girl's number. I know that what you are saying is - in an ideal world - how it should be, but keep in mind it is not necessarily the case.
That said, I hope for other men they realise if a girl is flirting with them.
Hahaha!! I know that some guys have confidence issues, but if I think he's into me I will make sure he knows I'm interested. I've had really bad luck with relationships where I've started them. Later down the road it felt like I was always the one making plans or going to see him, he never initiated. So, for a man to step up initially is a big deal to me at this point.Yeah, no kidding. Nice shirt, btw.
Thanks. LOL, the girls don't hang out like that on a normal day. 0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:nope. i'm too comfortable in my loserdom. i'll happily sit at home alone on the weekends. :-)
It's a known fact that men NEVER have confidence issues and are always in the mood for asking a girl's number. I know that what you are saying is - in an ideal world - how it should be, but keep in mind it is not necessarily the case.
I agree completely.
^^ This is what the guys I've talked with have said as well. If a man is interested, he will ask for your number. Otherwise don't bother with him. So...I'll talk and flirt, and sometimes even drop hints about upcoming events in the area, but I won't ask a man out on a date....but for the most part when I've asked a man's opinion of this they will time and time again say that if a man is asked out he will be flattered and mostlikely go on a pity date..or screw but if he had been interested enough to date me in the first place he would have approached...so I don't want to be a pity date or screw so I don't ask.
In an ideal world it would be equal but I know that men like to chase, it's just in their nature, and if you ask them first, it takes the fun out of it.
That said, I hope for other men they realise if a girl is flirting with them.
I also have no clue where this notion comes from outside of people writing books that they hope to sell to those looking for what they want to hear.
Honestly does any guy (or a lady think one does) live to be emasculated and kicked in the teeth potentially?
Maybe the handful that can have anyone they want at least short term but the average Joe?
It has nothing to do with not having balls,it is the simple reality of life...who wants to get rejected by someone they found desirable?
To address the issue of ladies saying it has not worked out for them well that is sort of an obvious possibility and what guys also have to deal with.
Whoever is the one pursuing has the most chance for failure.
It matters not what gender they may be.0 -
I also have no clue where this notion comes from outside of people writing books that they hope to sell to those looking for what they want to hear.
Honestly does any guy (or a lady think one does) live to be emasculated and kicked in the teeth potentially?
Maybe the handful that can have anyone they want at least short term but the average Joe?
It has nothing to do with not having balls,it is the simple reality of life...who wants to get rejected by someone they found desirable?
To address the issue of ladies saying it has not worked out for them well that is sort of an obvious possibility and what guys also have to deal with.
Whoever is the one pursuing has the most chance for failure.
It matters not what gender they may be.
Besides the fear of rejection, there are a million things that might make a guy (or girl) not approach you. Maybe it seems like you don't want to be bothered or 100 other dudes have already approached you, maybe he's suppose to be doing some kind of guys night... on and on. The thing is, if a guy came up to you with 100% confidence and was not nervous in the least, I think you would have to ask yourself how many times has he done this?? Most of my buddies that are great at approaching women have approached every women.
Long story short, more connections would be made if both sexes pursued.0 -
Long story short, more connections would be made if both sexes pursued.
I agree. But years of conditioning is taking a while to be undone. Women have been brought up to sit back and look pretty and let the guy make the moves.
Funnily enough, I'm way out of my comfort zone at the moment, and doing the pursuing. The response is favourable. But it still feels uncomfortable. I've been trying to figure out why for a few weeks now. Or, why not!
The more I hear that guys arent put off by it, the more I think it's worth trying. That's the main reason why a woman won't make the first more, it's because society tells us that men prefer the chase. And they are actually turned off by a woman that chases them. That and the rejection aspect, but as Carl and Florian said, men fear rejection too so perhaps we should grow some ovaries and deal with that one......lol!! No doubt, there ARE men out there that are turned off by an assertive woman, but how do you know if you dont try? This particular guy is worth the risk, for a variety of reasons.
As you said Jim, there can be a million reasons why the guy isn't chasing. Maybe it's because he's not interested (which is what most women will automatically conclude), but maybe it's something far removed from that! I personally think I have nothing to lose by being the assertive one in this instance :smokin:0 -
I'm all about the pursuit, but if I feel like a dog chasing a car I catch myself and stop. I appreciate it when a woman will go out of her way to pursue me (though this can always be an issue if I'm not so into her). I definitely agree with the OP that it is hard to put myself out there and attempt to make connections with women as I do always feel like I'm the 900th guy to come up and say hello.Though I do think part of that comes from me growing up and walking up to specific types of women, as opposed to when I was younger and felt head over heels for a ton of women.
So to throw a question into the mix, sticking my foot in my mouth is one thing when I walk up to someone, but do women feed on confidence to the point that if someone seems a little shy/intimidated by them they just close the book on the spot? My confidence is getting better every day I push towards being more healthy but if I see someone who I think is gorgeous I can't help but be a bit intimidated by them, lol maybe I'm not cocky enough?0 -
Funnily enough, I'm way out of my comfort zone at the moment, and doing the pursuing. The response is favourable. But it still feels uncomfortable. I've been trying to figure out why for a few weeks now. Or, why not!
The more I hear that guys arent put off by it, the more I think it's worth trying. That's the main reason why a woman won't make the first more, it's because society tells us that men prefer the chase. And they are actually turned off by a woman that chases them. That and the rejection aspect, but as Carl and Florian said, men fear rejection too so perhaps we should grow some ovaries and deal with that one......lol!! No doubt, there ARE men out there that are turned off by an assertive woman, but how do you know if you dont try? This particular guy is worth the risk, for a variety of reasons.
wooo hooooo Anna! way to go :drinker:0
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