"Let's hang out"
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However, if "hanging out" means a girl comes over to your house/apartment, has a few drinks, perhaps watches TV or plays video games (I assume that's what you young kids do), and then has sex, well..... congrats guys! Great work! I spent my 16-30 youth figuring out how to manage this very scenario! Low cost, no commitment, efficient, etc. Just an excuse to have sex. High five
I always love your posts, so funny!
I think a lot of it is the more casual internet/text culture now. It has made us socially awkward and lazy.
I've been asked to "hang out" twice by two different guys. Guy #1 is an anomaly in that he was very socially awkward and even after I insulted myself numerous times to his face he still asked me to hang.
Guy #2 some of you might know as the guy that I ran away from when he kissed my cheek. In his original approach to me, he did ask me to "hang out" at his house and watch a movie. I was hesitant as I was worried going to his place would make me seem like I wanted a hookup when I really didn't. After consulting with you Single Peeps I asked him if we could go play racquetball instead...and sure enough, it set a precedence. The second date he took me to a movie, and the third date we went on a walk. I think you demand respect from others and this was one situation. If I'd taken the "hang out" at his place it would've changed our "relationship," for lack of a better word, to something more casual. It ended for different reasons, but I was proud of myself for demanding that respect.0 -
Also, more question time:
Is anyone hesitant of the "hang out" because they think it's a ploy so that your date doesn't have to be seen with you in public? Maybe that's a horrible thought but honestly, that was my thought both times I've been asked to hang. (I think it's also one of my weird little hangups stemming from stuff I went through in grade school.) I want someone to want to be seen with me in public.0 -
Well, from reading what mesha's hang outs were saying, I see this as incompetence (the guy who was heartbroken... really dude?! he didn't even ask her out!).Perhaps it's all just a pathetic symptom of dwindling social skills, more a reflection of emotional incompetence? Doesn't seem plausible, since, as the nice lawyer lady noted, how hard can it be to make a restaurant reservation, or check the program at the local cinema? I mean, come on, nobody is that stupid.
Hang out culture: brilliant plan, or unbelievable incompetence? Tough call...
I genuinely think a lot of guys are really clueless when it comes to dating, and don't know what do do and when.
Also just keep in mind that dating options are better than ever in terms of breadth - probably not depth though, so this would in my view encourage people to mindlessly try to find the partner who is a perfect match for them (i.e. complies with their desires) rather than work on some of their own issues.
It's difficult to tell though.0 -
Also, more question time:
Is anyone hesitant of the "hang out" because they think it's a ploy so that your date doesn't have to be seen with you in public? Maybe that's a horrible thought but honestly, that was my thought both times I've been asked to hang. (I think it's also one of my weird little hangups stemming from stuff I went through in grade school.) I want someone to want to be seen with me in public.
This is an incredible generalization, but here's a tip: Men ages 16-30* want to have sex with as many women as possible, as cheaply as possible. And by cheap I don't just mean money. Time, effort, etc., are also key considerations. Men are lazy, lazier than women. This is also why I tend to prefer to work with women, as they work harder. But that is another subject, perhaps for a different message board.
And while my previous post was partly tongue-in-cheek, it's true that the "hang out" culture tends to favor young men: more sex, less effort.
And to your question, it also helps that the guy is not seen in public with the girl, his hang out buddy. Not because he is embarrassed, or whatever, but because - again - he wants to maximize the number of women who will "hang out" with him in the future, and being seen with too many women in a public place diminishes his chances of that. Remember, he wants to keep the illusion of hanging out as a first step to a greater relationship. And to be fair, some men actually believe this. But, as Mesha noted, the odds are not in your favor that a serious, long lasting relationship begins with a series of casual "hang outs" (i.e. cheap sex).
So another brilliant byproduct of hang out culture is relative secrecy, or at least the perception of informality. So the guy can plausibly tell the many other girls he is trying to "hang out" with (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) that the previous girls were just frieds, or buddies, or fellow gamers, or OK, you got me, casual sex, BUT certainly not anything serious, not like you! The implication being that the new girl, the one with whom he is now trying to hang out, *will* be something more. She just needs to hang out with him a while first at his place. ;-)
You would think women would see through this right away, but they never do. And for some women, it probably suits them, as well. Sex, beer, video games, pizza. There are worse ways to spend an evening**.
--P
*Men over 30, too.
**Yes, I know Kit, you'll drink to that. :-)0 -
Ok I admit I am the queen of lets hang out. I have invited more guys out this way. THe text (and its always a text) say "hey I'm going to x come hang with me. "
It works 85% of the time........
I'm perfectly ok with guys putting it this way to . Also acceptable is lets chill , you down to chill, ect. I've been on very few dates (all with Mr. NG) but I have alot of fun.:bigsmile:
However If a guy states lets chill don't be suprised if I don't know your into me. It is a double edged blade0 -
This is common in every generation. It's more about a lack of understanding. These kids haven't been consciously aware of a tragedy in their lifetime. They don't know what it's like for your entire world to get rocked and come into question. Yeah, it's disrespectful, but it's not because they're twerps it's because they are incapable of understanding that type of horror until they experience it for themselves. While yeah, they should have been reigned in, I would be more upset at the adults for allowing that to happen rather than the kids themselves who were acting from the very definition of innocence. You can know that something happened without being able to really process it.
The current economic conditions (2007-present) doesn't qualify as a tragedy? This is the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression.
Are you really comparing a bad economy to a serious tragedy (9/11 for example)? Sorry, that's apples and oranges in my opinion.
You are right that it is apples and oranges. Apples and oranges are both forms of fruit. The current economic downturn and 9/11 are both tragedies.
Tell someone who is unemployed right now, goes on tons of interviews and can't get a job offer that things are not tragic. Tell someone who is a recent graduate of college and working a mcjob that a high schooler could do that the economy isn't a tragedy right now (50% of recent college graduates are unemployed or underemployed right now). Tell someone who is underwater on their mortgage that this isn't a tragedy.
Unemployment, much of which is being caused by macroeconomic conditions beyond the individual's control, is a significant source of psychological trauma, ranked up there with divorce and death of a loved one.
Those who stood on the bread lines of the Great Depression would have called that a tragedy too. And keep in mind that the poor economic conditions in Germany in the 1930s were a factor in bringing Hitler to power, which caused the Holocaust and World War II, both of which are forms of tragedy.
"The worst since the great depression" =/= "as bad as the great depression"
Things aren't awesome right now, we can all agree on that. Fact is, it's still doesn't compare to 9/11, or Pearl Harbor, or Hiroshima, or any other generation defining events. That person that is going to all the interviews, or is underemployed? They're still eating. They still have places to sleep. They might not have a whole lot of extra, if any, but they're alive and have enough to survive on.
I have sympathy for anyone struggling with their finances. But at the same time, I don't consider working at McDonalds to be tragic. It may be a hardship, but it builds character and resiliency, something many people lack these days. And again, while I feel badly for those who are underwater on a mortgage, no one forced them to purchase a home. Tragic is not the same as making an uneducated or unlucky decision.
I agree with DM on this one. The current economic collapse is a tragedy. We have more unemployment, homeless and underemployed people in the US now then at anytime since the Great Depression. This has multiple cascading effects over the long haul. Also as a nation we are spending faster then we can print money and are very much in danger of a total financial collapse. We can turn it around but the popular opinion seems to be it isnt that bad and everything will be alright. If that keeps up it will become a tragedy of worldwide proportion and we will see a complete economic failure. Which led to Carls post about how long would you survive.
As for dating today:
I use the term hang out with friends, if I want to take you on a date I make sure you know upfront. I also plan almost all first time (online only) dates for coffee because Ive been duped too many times by online profiles. If I met you in person and want to take you on a date then it is a more traditional dinner date.
Yes I think every bit of our society has gone more casual. There are benefits to this but I dont think the benefits outweigh the cons.0 -
I agree with DM on this one. The current economic collapse is a tragedy. We have more unemployment, homeless and underemployed people in the US now then at anytime since the Great Depression.
I'm not sure that is correct. But in any case, I don't think the issue is that a terrible economy should not qualify as a tragedy. Sure, it's a tragedy. But it's a different type of tragedy than the Kennedy Assassination, or Hiroshima, or 9/11. Those were single, specific events that occurred in an instant, but dramatically changed how we viewed reality. Perhaps even redefined an era. People recall where they were when they heard the news, etc.
A terrible economy is not a sudden event, nor does it begin or end quickly. It's a long term situation that is devastating for some, difficult for many, and actually a great opportunity for a select few. But it plays out over years.
Hence the Apples and Oranges analogy.
--P0 -
Based on the crowds I saw out shopping over the weekend (and lines at the registers), you would never know we are in an economic collapse.0
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And sometimes it takes losing someone to realize this...
Glad you are sure of it for next time
Much good that'll do me now! lost my chance doubt i'll get another.
We all want everything, now. We all wish we could change how some things turn out. It takes patience and understanding that what is meant to be will be; all in due time. Hugs to you.0 -
<---- this guy says hang out all the time, there is no underlying meaning behind it... just that I'd like to see you and those are the words that came out of my mouth.0
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However If a guy states lets chill don't be suprised if I don't know your into me. It is a double edged blade
But if the guy continues to want to chill with you, wouldn't you pick up on that he is into you??0 -
However If a guy states lets chill don't be suprised if I don't know your into me. It is a double edged blade
But if the guy continues to want to chill with you, wouldn't you pick up on that he is into you??
Yes and thats how it normally happens for me. But we mostly chill at my house or out in public (bars) not his house. Usually if I cant go out it's because the kids are home. SO alot of time guys come and hang out after they are asleep.0 -
Don't most young people or recent grads have to pay their dues when starting out regardless of their field? Why does anyone assume they deserve a great, high-income career without paying their dues first?Kind of off-topic, but most people I know who have gone into this type of health professions job have to pay their dues first when the first graduate.
Yeah, most people seem to think they're going to graduate college and immediately start making bank. I don't really remember a time this was true
College is for future growth, you still have to start pretty low. 0 -
However, if "hanging out" means a girl comes over to your house/apartment, has a few drinks, perhaps watches TV or plays video games (I assume that's what you young kids do), and then has sex, well.....
Sounds like my ideal relationship.0 -
**Yes, I know Kit, you'll drink to that. :-)
Y'all are getting to know me too well. I need to start saying random *kitten* to throw you off! Hahaha :drinker:
As far as the rest of the topic... "Hang outs" often happen outside of the home too. We might meet at a bar, we might get some dinner. It's just a term and everyone is getting so caught up in semantics. I think it is more casual because it's about a casual environment. As in: we aren't going to a five star restaurant, but I'd like to get you know you better.
It's really easy to figure it out. Did he pay for your drinks/meal/ticket? Yes? date. Did he touch your arm/back/hair? Yes? Date. Did he go for the kiss? Yes? DATE. If you are still confused then BRING IT UP "I just wanted to check, this is a date right? Because I'm having a great time and I'd like to do it again."
I see a lot of ladies on here getting all huffy about a guy saying "hang out" - well it's time to lady up and take matters into your own hands. If you don't convey that you are confused, you can't expect to have your mind read. Ask for clarification. Tell him you are looking for a relationship. Don't go to his house if you aren't ready to rumble.
Gosh, how did we manage to take something as simple as "hang out" and make it so friggin' complicated?0 -
Estrogen makes everything complicated Kits ... Im convinced it pickles the brain sometimes j/k
I really didn't think hang out chill or such was such a big deal lol0 -
Estrogen makes everything complicated Kits ... Im convinced it pickles the brain sometimes j/k
I really didn't think hang out chill or such was such a big deal lol
Ahahah, apparently I need to up my soy intake cause I just don't get it :laugh:0 -
Part of me does understand its pure semantics.
But is it really hard for a man to say, "would you like to go out to the bar down the street and watch the Vikings game with me?" instead of "let's hang out at the bar?" Hanging out to me is something I do with friends. I date a man.
I read this article recently about the loat art of asking someone on a date. For a class, a college prof instructed her students to ask someone on a date. All the kids laughed...but most of them were scared to ask someone out and didn't even know what words to say.0 -
i used to go to church with a women who works for the CIA. her entire job was training new grads how to TALK without technology. true communication has become a lost art because of our dependence on email, texting, IMing, message forums, etc.
i mean, most adults ask people out via texts these days. they don't even pick up the phone and call!! people don't want to date, they want to "hang out." it's more casual and less intimidating, and less pressure, and cheaper, and almost more guaranteed something physical COULD happen.0 -
i used to go to church with a women who works for the CIA. her entire job was training new grads how to TALK without technology. true communication has become a lost art because of our dependence on email, texting, IMing, message forums, etc.
Wow! I'm constantly amazed at the in depth, long conversations some people have over text message. I'm like, why not just pick up the phone? I find it both strange and sad.0 -
Thank you!<---- this guy says hang out all the time, there is no underlying meaning behind it... just that I'd like to see you and those are the words that came out of my mouth.
Apparently this is just the 754th thing women need to over-analyze to death.0 -
The only time I have gotten asked to hang out is when I meet a guy out at a club or something (which I usually don't take seriously). I was asked to "hang out sometime" on Friday night while out with friends. I told the cute gentleman I didnt hang out but he could take me out on a date like dinner.
Usually guys I get asked by will ask me to go to dinner, drinks, etc...0 -
The only time I have gotten asked to hang out is when I meet a guy out at a club or something (which I usually don't take seriously). I was asked to "hang out sometime" on Friday night while out with friends. I told the cute gentleman I didnt hang out but he could take me out on a date like dinner.
Usually guys I get asked by will ask me to go to dinner, drinks, etc...
You're lucky!!0 -
We dont use the term 'hang out' here but it sounds to me like the guy is still asking to see you, so isnt that what a date is all about?
Granted, if you're unsure of his romantic interest then it can be confusing, but like Kits says, if he's touching/kissing then it's obvious?
But I guess the definition can be different in different area's of America?0
