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Should I ask him out?
Replies
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Update - he asked what I was doing this weekend so I told him my plans and suggested wineries, he said he is out of town visiting his family this weekend, then flying out of the country on sunday for work. Said he would much rather stay here, I suggested a raincheck for wineries and he said "yes please
". His texts were sweet and nice, so I think this is good!
I've had way better luck and way less heartache when I've let the guy pursue, but I'm not completely against reaching out with a text message. Knowing me, I probably wouldn't have reached out to him, but I think it's fine that you did.
But now your update makes me wonder if he was planning on contacting you at all. (In my experience, guys who are interested do contact. Guys who are lukewarm are a lot more casual about the timing of it.) He was going out of town for the weekend, then traveling out of the country -- was he going to touch base with you at all? In the early stages of dating it is important to keep that momentum going. And it sounds like he hasn't nailed down a new date with you to do the wineries, just a vague raincheck. Did he mention whether he will be in contact with you while he is out of town?0 -
Update - he asked what I was doing this weekend so I told him my plans and suggested wineries, he said he is out of town visiting his family this weekend, then flying out of the country on sunday for work. Said he would much rather stay here, I suggested a raincheck for wineries and he said "yes please". His texts were sweet and nice, so I think this is good!
I've had way better luck and way less heartache when I've let the guy pursue, but I'm not completely against reaching out with a text message. Knowing me, I probably wouldn't have reached out to him, but I think it's fine that you did.
But now your update makes me wonder if he was planning on contacting you at all. (In my experience, guys who are interested do contact. Guys who are lukewarm are a lot more casual about the timing of it.) He was going out of town for the weekend, then traveling out of the country -- was he going to touch base with you at all? In the early stages of dating it is important to keep that momentum going. And it sounds like he hasn't nailed down a new date with you to do the wineries, just a vague raincheck. Did he mention whether he will be in contact with you while he is out of town?
Well as I said, I've never really initiated before (like ever, with anyone), so I'm trying something different. It hasn't worked the other way either so I'm trying this. If he wasn't planning to contact me it sucks, but that is kind of why I contacted him, because he hadn't yet. If he is lukewarm, that sucks, but fine - I'll get him hot.
I'm just trying to stay positive about it, and no it didn't even cross my mind that he would be in touch, i told him to have a nice trip - he is going to be out of the country for work so I really wouldnt' expect that after just 2 dates. He is going to be gone for over a week so I wouldn't nail down a date at this point either, I'm hoping we will touch base when he gets back.0 -
Ladies,
I don't know why you keep dwelling on who chases who. It's not a competition, it's not a game, it's just two people getting to know each other. Bottom line is if we really like you it won't really matter who initiates, we'll just be happy to spend time with you. But we also don't want to come on too strong and scare you away, so when you help us out a little it is appreciated.
It might be true that SOME guys like the chase. But what happens when they catch you? Think about it. They'll probably get bored and move on, you can't play hard to get forever. Is that the kind of guy you really want?
I'm with the guys on this one funnily enough!! Time after time women ask this same question, and time after time the guys say they like, no, LOVE, women to initiate!!
I really dont know who this guy is who 'loves the chase'?? :huh:
Yes, there is a point when a guy might lose interest. But women lose interest too. It's kinda obvious when that happens cos you dont get replies!! And everybody poofs!!
So while the chemistry is good and the chat is flowing and the expectations are low and you're getting to know each other, just chill out and enjoy the moment.0 -
Well as I said, I've never really initiated before (like ever, with anyone), so I'm trying something different. It hasn't worked the other way either so I'm trying this. If he wasn't planning to contact me it sucks, but that is kind of why I contacted him, because he hadn't yet. If he is lukewarm, that sucks, but fine - I'll get him hot.
I'm just trying to stay positive about it, and no it didn't even cross my mind that he would be in touch, i told him to have a nice trip - he is going to be out of the country for work so I really wouldnt' expect that after just 2 dates. He is going to be gone for over a week so I wouldn't nail down a date at this point either, I'm hoping we will touch base when he gets back.
The thing is, you've had 2 dates. Men dont fall in love after 2 dates!! Or very rarely. So, accept that he's luke warm and stop worrying about it. The idea is just to get to know each other and see if it gets warmer!! Yes, get him hot!!! lol :bigsmile:0 -
And everybody poofs!!
ROTFLMFAO0 -
I totally agree with the "go for what you want" advice. Of course if you end up always doing all the work then you need to reassess but you are not at that point that you can say that is happening yet. Also it seems in the contact you have had, he has taken the initiative to arrange the dates. That sounds like he is making an effort to me.
It is actually a beautiful thing to be someone that is willing to be both brave and vulnerable.
A very beautiful thing Danielle I love the way you often add depth to these discussions with observations that I sense are from your personal experience. I see both (bravery and vulnerability) in you. It's also a beautiful thing to see it in others and oneself :flowerforyou:
Sai79, I can't tell you how important this life lesson has been to me and everyone I know who learns it the hard way. Vulnerability does not always equal weakness if you have the courage to feel the fear and move beyond it. It can make you stronger. The world is a scary place in which people hurt each other. The world is a beautiful place in which we can find people who give meaning to our lives through the connections we make with them. Learning to accept and live with this basic contradiction that reality presents us with is sometimes difficult but well worth it in the long run.0 -
And everybody poofs!!
ROTFLMFAO
I now have that REM song (Everybody Poofs) going on on my head :laugh:0 -
And everybody poofs!!
ROTFLMFAO
I now have that REM song (Everybody Poofs) going on on my head :laugh:
My mind actually went here, because I am clearly a mature adult.
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And everybody poofs!!
ROTFLMFAO
I now have that REM song (Everybody Poofs) going on on my head :laugh:
My mind actually went here, because I am clearly a mature adult.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Yes, there is a point when a guy might lose interest. But women lose interest too. It's kinda obvious when that happens cos you dont get replies!! And everybody poofs!!
I don't necessarily agree with this. I know I will end things/contact if I am not interested (I don't poof) but I know men who will still talk to you if you initiate. Mind you, they may/probably would be slack to see you. So I think you really need to be aware of far more than him just talking to you.... Will this talking lead to him seeing you too, etc. what are his intentions and such.
I agree. Although I have my dating rules ( I won't make first contact after the first date) I just wanna relax and enjoy. Way too much pressure and expectation comes with the online dating ( this is what I use) and I have totally decided to change my approachSo while the chemistry is good and the chat is flowing and the expectations are low and you're getting to know each other, just chill out and enjoy the moment.0 -
Danced with a single guy at the wedding last night. We texted some too. I plan to initiate this to be honest. Will send a text later today to see how he is feeling and ...... We will see what happens 0
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And everybody poofs!!
ROTFLMFAO
I now have that REM song (Everybody Poofs) going on on my head :laugh:
My mind actually went here, because I am clearly a mature adult.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I graduated from the same high school as Michael Stipes. My high school girlfriend's mom was one of his art teachers and has several poems and lyrics he wrote. You guys just ruined my interest in any of that.0 -
And everybody poofs!!
ROTFLMFAO
I now have that REM song (Everybody Poofs) going on on my head :laugh:
My mind actually went here, because I am clearly a mature adult.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I graduated from the same high school as Michael Stipes. My high school girlfriend's mom was one of his art teachers and has several poems and lyrics he wrote. You guys just ruined my interest in any of that.
You're welcome :bigsmile: So is that you in the corner losing your brown pigeon?0 -
A very beautiful thing Danielle I love the way you often add depth to these discussions with observations that I sense are from your personal experience. I see both (bravery and vulnerability) in you. It's also a beautiful thing to see it in others and oneself
What a simply lovely and flattering comment from someone I like and admire very much. 0 -
And everybody poofs!!
ROTFLMFAO
I now have that REM song (Everybody Poofs) going on on my head :laugh:
My mind actually went here, because I am clearly a mature adult.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I graduated from the same high school as Michael Stipes. My high school girlfriend's mom was one of his art teachers and has several poems and lyrics he wrote. You guys just ruined my interest in any of that.
You're welcome :bigsmile: So is that you in the corner losing your brown pigeon?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA0 -
sooo what happened? did u guys go out or not?0
