Do you ever wish...
veggiehottie
Posts: 590 Member
You were the kind of person who could be in a FWB type situation?
I was raised a nice Catholic girl, so could never actually go through with it. But it would solve soooooo many problems.
Hmph!
I was raised a nice Catholic girl, so could never actually go through with it. But it would solve soooooo many problems.
Hmph!
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Replies
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I could never do it, but I wish I could as well. I know I would have to be in love with a guy before having sex with him, because it's such a big thing, but if that wasn't a thing for me, it would be nice solely for the experience.0
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I have been thinking alot about the FWB situation lately.
For me, it's not that I couldn't have casual sex with a man, but my fear is falling for him....and since it is a FWB set up, that would be breaking all the rules. I just don't understand how a women (or even the man) can do it and not feel more/want a relationship, etc.
Maybe I am in this frame of mind becuase I want a long term relationship and marriage?
Now that being said, I did have a FWB with an ex becuase I knew there was NO WAY I could be with him (he was a gambling addict) We would part ways and I never once thought about him. In the end I had to cut if off becuase I have more self respect I realized ... Disclaimer: not more self respect than a FWB situation, more self respect than to see that man. Before I found out he was an addict he NEVER had time for me, so for me to just give him sex now with no obligation really just gives him what he wanted all a long, in a sense. He doesn't deserve me as a FWB I guess
So really, I am not against FWB situations, but for me the fear of falling for the man and it not being returned is too00 great, I want a LTR and marriage and will work for that instead.0 -
I think it really depends on your choice...if its somebody you are interested in and care about then an FWB will end horribly, but someone who are you are entirely content being friends only with could work. Granted i've only had a few of these situations and they didn't last too long, so who knows how it would all work out in the long run...maybe that's the key, they can work, but not for an extended amount of time? But who knows, you might both decide later its worth something more to you.0
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Yeah, I think for me, sex really has to be connected to love/deep feelings. It would just be really hard to be with a man and not have my feelings involved, either before or after getting involved with him sexually.0
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Sometimes.0
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I'm a sap....I'm the kind that develops feelings. I tried a FWB back in November and that lasted about a minute. Sometimes I wish I could have one, because honestly, I would like a *good* regular lay.... But, I'd rather have a relationship so I'll stick with good ole BOB for now. :ohwell:0
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Yeah, I think for me, sex really has to be connected to love/deep feelings. It would just be really hard to be with a man and not have my feelings involved, either before or after getting involved with him sexually.
Friendships involve feelings. You can still care about the person you are nailing on a continual basis, you just don't have to get in an argument if you forget to text them goodnight.0 -
Take your morality compass
Find the nearest cliff
Frisbee said compass off the cliff
Life gets much simpler, and more enjoyable.0 -
Take your morality compass
Find the nearest cliff
Frisbee said compass off the cliff
Life gets much simpler, and more enjoyable.
That's a little insulting...0 -
Take your morality compass
Find the nearest cliff
Frisbee said compass off the cliff
Life gets much simpler, and more enjoyable.
That's a little insulting...
Aww did i make you cry on the internet?
Sadly it is pretty good advice. You can take it or leave it.0 -
Take your morality compass
Find the nearest cliff
Frisbee said compass off the cliff
Life gets much simpler, and more enjoyable.
That's a little insulting...
Aww did i make you cry on the internet?
Sadly it is pretty good advice. You can take it or leave it.
No you didn't make me cry.
It isn't good advice. At least for me, I have morals for a reason. If no one had morals this world would be ****.0 -
Take your morality compass
Find the nearest cliff
Frisbee said compass off the cliff
Life gets much simpler, and more enjoyable.
That's a little insulting...
Aww did i make you cry on the internet?
Sadly it is pretty good advice. You can take it or leave it.
No you didn't make me cry.
It isn't good advice. At least for me, I have morals for a reason. If no one had morals this world would be ****.
Ok.0 -
Take your morality compass
Find the nearest cliff
Frisbee said compass off the cliff
Life gets much simpler, and more enjoyable.
That's a little insulting...
Aww did i make you cry on the internet?
Sadly it is pretty good advice. You can take it or leave it.
No you didn't make me cry.
It isn't good advice. At least for me, I have morals for a reason. If no one had morals this world would be ****.
Ok.
Good.
Not sure why you felt the need to butt in on a topic you clearly think is stupid and offer your opinion in which your opinion was not soliticed.
That would be like me jumping in on a thread about the best sex moves - pointless.0 -
Take your morality compass
Find the nearest cliff
Frisbee said compass off the cliff
Life gets much simpler, and more enjoyable.
That's a little insulting...
Aww did i make you cry on the internet?
Sadly it is pretty good advice. You can take it or leave it.
No you didn't make me cry.
It isn't good advice. At least for me, I have morals for a reason. If no one had morals this world would be ****.
Ok.
Good.
Not sure why you felt the need to butt in on a topic you clearly think is stupid and offer your opinion in which your opinion was not soliticed.
That would be like me jumping in on a thread about the best sex moves - pointless.
:drinker: Well said, Christine.
To answer the OP, yes, I sometimes do. For me, it's less of a moral issue at the heart of things ie. less about 'right' and 'wrong' in the abstract, and more to do with protecting myself emotionally from the repercussions a FWB would almost certainly produce for me ie. what's 'right' or 'wrong' for my personality, my mental and emotional state and the way I feel about physical intimacy. That said, it would undoubtedly sometimes be simpler if I were different in this regard.0 -
Yes, sometimes I do.
But I'm just too lazy to ring the girls and go to their place.0 -
I tried it..he flaked..
I think I could do it if it was a solid on going thing..but if its just a bunch of random one night stands that I don't want.
I am just going to leave it alone for now. I know what I want in a fwb and I know what I want in a relationship they are different.
Can't seem to find either. lol.0 -
I have been thinking alot about the FWB situation lately.
For me, it's not that I couldn't have casual sex with a man, but my fear is falling for him....and since it is a FWB set up, that would be breaking all the rules. I just don't understand how a women (or even the man) can do it and not feel more/want a relationship, etc.
Maybe I am in this frame of mind becuase I want a long term relationship and marriage?
Now that being said, I did have a FWB with an ex becuase I knew there was NO WAY I could be with him (he was a gambling addict) We would part ways and I never once thought about him. In the end I had to cut if off becuase I have more self respect I realized ... Disclaimer: not more self respect than a FWB situation, more self respect than to see that man. Before I found out he was an addict he NEVER had time for me, so for me to just give him sex now with no obligation really just gives him what he wanted all a long, in a sense. He doesn't deserve me as a FWB I guess
So really, I am not against FWB situations, but for me the fear of falling for the man and it not being returned is too00 great, I want a LTR and marriage and will work for that instead.
This! I am not against the FWB situations either but it usually ends with one or the other falling for the other person. I really don't see how it couldn't. I mean personally I have been in the FWB situation with one guy and I ended up falling for him. He had made it clear from the beginning that he was not looking for a relationship but even at that didn't stop me from hoping that he would change his mind because lets face it I am not one to sleep with just anyone and I already felt an emotional connection to him before I ever slept with him the first time. It just got worse after it went along because I totally fell for him and he never changed his mind about what he was looking for. Lesson learned from this situation is listen to what a man says. If they say they aren't looking for a relationship that is exactly what they mean.
But I'm right there with kimad in that I am looking for something long term, but I am just not having any luck finding guys that are looking for that.0 -
I never really wanted to have a FWB. I'm sure it would be fun for a while and all, but it doesn't seem like it would be very fulfilling. I'd rather focus my efforts on finding a sex partner that I actually like. I do wish though when I'm in a relationship that I didn't constantly have to think about someone else's feelings.0
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Sometimes I think it is ok to do this...as long as the "said frisbee" comes back and your morals return.Take your morality compass
Find the nearest cliff
Frisbee said compass off the cliff
Life gets much simpler, and more enjoyable.
Good people get screwed hard (no pun intended) everyday over having "morals" and doing things the right way
Just don't go doing anything malicious or henious.... i.e. no raping, no robbing, no stealing etc... the big ones...
Sitting back and being sad that you wish you could do something but you won't because "you say you can't"....just go do it. If you have the physical capability and you know how to do whatever it is...do it, experience it, and at the end if you didn't like the experience, don't do it again.
I say do alot of things at least once in your life.
Confession: I may have just listened to Eminems "Lose Yourself" this morning....so that might be some of my motivation.0 -
Take your morality compass
Find the nearest cliff
Frisbee said compass off the cliff
Life gets much simpler, and more enjoyable.
That's a little insulting...
Aww did i make you cry on the internet?
Sadly it is pretty good advice. You can take it or leave it.
No you didn't make me cry.
It isn't good advice. At least for me, I have morals for a reason. If no one had morals this world would be ****.
Ok.
Good.
Not sure why you felt the need to butt in on a topic you clearly think is stupid and offer your opinion in which your opinion was not soliticed.
That would be like me jumping in on a thread about the best sex moves - pointless.
What are you talking about'?
Do you even think?
The topic is: I wish I could have a FWB situation. The implied situation was "I cannot because of some arbitrary morality values that hold me back. My advice was to get rid of arbitrary morality values that hold you back.
You maam, are the only one being stupid. You have never had a "bf" yet you continue to live in a fantasy land where all men are knights and should come charm YOU.
HOWEVER you have the audacity to come tell me what I said is stupid? Maybe YOU should lose your arbitrary morality values, or die alone.
My comment was never directed at you, It was directed at OP as advice, just because you cannot understand what I am saying doesn't mean you need to go on a holy crusade against me.
So maybe YOU should butt out of the topic?
To note:That would be like me jumping in on a thread about the best sex moves - pointless.
Well using this same line of logic, since apparently you cry every other day on this board about men not coming to talk to you or whatever, and also you have never been in any kind of relationship, you posting in this thread should be irrelevant too, amirite?0 -
Zach, you always do this. You almost have a point but then you get caught up in being mean and you lose it. No one will ever take you seriously if you can't explain yourself without giving in to the trendy "I'm going to call it tough love but really I'm just being a jerk!" mentality.
TL;DR: Calm yo tits, brah.0 -
Zach, you always do this. You almost have a point but then you get caught up in being mean and you lose it. No one will ever take you seriously if you can't explain yourself without giving in to the trendy "I'm going to call it tough love but really I'm just being a jerk!" mentality.
TL;DR: Calm yo tits, brah.
This is irrelevant to the argument Kit, in fact she was the first one that "fired a shot".
You taking me seriously or not is also irrelevant. I don't care if you do, my advice is simply that, advice.
Also my comment was directed at OP as advice, she was the one that felt the need to tell me "i was mean and she was offended".0 -
Good people get screwed hard (no pun intended) everyday over having "morals" and doing things the right way
Just don't go doing anything malicious or henious.... i.e. no raping, no robbing, no stealing etc... the big ones...
Sitting back and being sad that you wish you could do something but you won't because "you say you can't"....just go do it. If you have the physical capability and you know how to do whatever it is...do it, experience it, and at the end if you didn't like the experience, don't do it again.
I say do alot of things at least once in your life.
I've never pursued a FWB situation. I can’t say I’m against it yet I can’t say I’m for it. Im not sure of its my morals or if I would look down on the friend or myself. I think it would make the friendship awkward. I do agree nice people miss out on some fun aka “get screwed” As the OP put it… “It would solve soooooo many problems” It might solve sexual frustration but I think it would create problems.
What happens when you do get in a relationship? Are you or your significant other still allowed to hang with their old FWB or do you end the friendship? Do you lie to your significant other about an old FWB?0 -
Zach, you always do this. You almost have a point but then you get caught up in being mean and you lose it. No one will ever take you seriously if you can't explain yourself without giving in to the trendy "I'm going to call it tough love but really I'm just being a jerk!" mentality.
TL;DR: Calm yo tits, brah.
This is irrelevant to the argument Kit, in fact she was the first one that "fired a shot".
You taking me seriously or not is also irrelevant. I don't care if you do, my advice is simply that, advice.
Also my comment was directed at OP as advice, she was the one that felt the need to tell me "i was mean and she was offended".
Your original post was rude, dismissive of many people's (including the OP's) sincerely-held beliefs, and indicated a profound disdain for anyone who chooses to live their life differently to you. I'm not surprised shots were fired. Try phrasing things a little less obnoxiously, or attempt to appreciate that others have different viewpoints and standards, and find a way to offer practical advice that takes this into account, rather than dismissing it out of hand, if you want to have a different experience than the "being slammed" you often complain of, here, or in life in general. Constructive advice is one thing, dismissing someone's belief system in such frivolous and disrespectful terms is quite another.0 -
Zach, you always do this. You almost have a point but then you get caught up in being mean and you lose it. No one will ever take you seriously if you can't explain yourself without giving in to the trendy "I'm going to call it tough love but really I'm just being a jerk!" mentality.
TL;DR: Calm yo tits, brah.
This is irrelevant to the argument Kit, in fact she was the first one that "fired a shot".
You taking me seriously or not is also irrelevant. I don't care if you do, my advice is simply that, advice.
Also my comment was directed at OP as advice, she was the one that felt the need to tell me "i was mean and she was offended".
Your original post was rude, dismissive of many people's (including the OP's) sincerely-held beliefs, and indicated a profound disdain for anyone who chooses to live their life differently to you. I'm not surprised shots were fired. Try phrasing things a little less obnoxiously, or attempt to appreciate that others have different viewpoints and standards, and find a way to offer practical advice that takes this into account, rather than dismissing it out of hand, if you want to have a different experience than the "being slammed" you often complain of, here, or in life in general. Constructive advice is one thing, dismissing someone's belief system in such frivolous and disrespectful terms is quite another.
2 things:
Your definition of rude is subjective.
It was not intended to be rude, I was merely pointing out that clinging to arbitrary morality values can backfire.
If you want to interpret it as rude, then by all means? Good news I am not forced to be Mr. Nice and Rainbows. So even if YOU think it is rude, there is nothing you can do to stop my wording.
TLDR: Cry less about a guy on the internet.0 -
I was raised the same as the OP and thought this would never be an issue for me but now it's something I do think about regularly... In a perfect world, I'd prefer to find someone and be in a long term relationship. But in reality, that is not happening and I'm only human. I'm definitely not the one night stand type of person, so a FWB sounds better on the surface, but the problem is how do you control the situation? What happens when you're goals as FWB don't align or people poof, etc. etc... Guess I'm tired of the little angel on my shoulder telling me to be good. But I also don't want to be so bad that I risk my emotional health or end up being promiscuous either because I chose wrong (although I'm less worried about the latter it's still a thought in my head).0
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Zach, you always do this. You almost have a point but then you get caught up in being mean and you lose it. No one will ever take you seriously if you can't explain yourself without giving in to the trendy "I'm going to call it tough love but really I'm just being a jerk!" mentality.
TL;DR: Calm yo tits, brah.
This is irrelevant to the argument Kit, in fact she was the first one that "fired a shot".
You taking me seriously or not is also irrelevant. I don't care if you do, my advice is simply that, advice.
Also my comment was directed at OP as advice, she was the one that felt the need to tell me "i was mean and she was offended".
Your original post was rude, dismissive of many people's (including the OP's) sincerely-held beliefs, and indicated a profound disdain for anyone who chooses to live their life differently to you. I'm not surprised shots were fired. Try phrasing things a little less obnoxiously, or attempt to appreciate that others have different viewpoints and standards, and find a way to offer practical advice that takes this into account, rather than dismissing it out of hand, if you want to have a different experience than the "being slammed" you often complain of, here, or in life in general. Constructive advice is one thing, dismissing someone's belief system in such frivolous and disrespectful terms is quite another.
2 things:
Your definition of rude is subjective.
It was not intended to be rude, I was merely pointing out that clinging to arbitrary morality values can backfire.
If you want to interpret it as rude, then by all means? Good news I am not forced to be Mr. Nice and Rainbows. So even if YOU think it is rude, there is nothing you can do to stop my wording.
TLDR: Cry less about a guy on the internet.
Oh trust me, I'm not crying.
Of course I can't change how you word things, but I can suggest, constructively, that if you want people's responses to you to be different (since you seem to be crying about getting"slammed" so often), then you need to consider that perhaps you might achieve that by reconsidering how you present your arguments. Audience matters.
'Rude' is subjective of course, but I think most people would agree that it is impolite, at best, to suggest that someone who has openly stated that she was brought up Catholic, and adheres to many tenets of that faith still, should fling the moral compass that is central to her faith to the winds, just as it would be very rude of me were I to bluntly say to a practising Muslim that veiling and shrouding women is fundamentally wrong, in my eyes.0 -
Zach, you always do this. You almost have a point but then you get caught up in being mean and you lose it. No one will ever take you seriously if you can't explain yourself without giving in to the trendy "I'm going to call it tough love but really I'm just being a jerk!" mentality.
TL;DR: Calm yo tits, brah.
This is irrelevant to the argument Kit, in fact she was the first one that "fired a shot".
You taking me seriously or not is also irrelevant. I don't care if you do, my advice is simply that, advice.
Also my comment was directed at OP as advice, she was the one that felt the need to tell me "i was mean and she was offended".
Your original post was rude, dismissive of many people's (including the OP's) sincerely-held beliefs, and indicated a profound disdain for anyone who chooses to live their life differently to you. I'm not surprised shots were fired. Try phrasing things a little less obnoxiously, or attempt to appreciate that others have different viewpoints and standards, and find a way to offer practical advice that takes this into account, rather than dismissing it out of hand, if you want to have a different experience than the "being slammed" you often complain of, here, or in life in general. Constructive advice is one thing, dismissing someone's belief system in such frivolous and disrespectful terms is quite another.
2 things:
Your definition of rude is subjective.
It was not intended to be rude, I was merely pointing out that clinging to arbitrary morality values can backfire.
If you want to interpret it as rude, then by all means? Good news I am not forced to be Mr. Nice and Rainbows. So even if YOU think it is rude, there is nothing you can do to stop my wording.
TLDR: Cry less about a guy on the internet.
Oh trust me, I'm not crying.
Of course I can't change how you word things, but I can suggest, constructively, that if you want people's responses to you to be different (since you seem to be crying about getting"slammed" so often), then you need to consider that perhaps you might achieve that by reconsidering how you present your arguments. Audience matters.
'Rude' is subjective of course, but I think most people would agree that it is impolite, at best, to suggest that someone who has openly stated that she was brought up Catholic, and adheres to many tenets of that faith still, should fling the moral compass that is central to her faith to the winds, just as it would be very rude of me were I to bluntly say to a practising Muslim that veiling and shrouding women is fundamentally wrong, in my eyes.
Lol, people are looking for legitimate advice, they are not looking for people to blow smoke up their *kitten*.
Again they can take it or leave it. Comment was directed at OP, not at Christine.
Since you have made, currently two posts, to address how "mean i act", yes you are in fact crying.0 -
Also to note there is a post currently on the front page of singles, where a female posts a picture that is obviously sexist towards men.
Why is there always so much outrage at "men" being mean but never women? Why aren't you in that thread yelling at her?
Oh wait, it is because women here in Singles have an agenda to push, I forgot.0 -
I think it would make the friendship awkward. I do agree nice people miss out on some fun aka “get screwed” As the OP put it… “It would solve soooooo many problems” It might solve sexual frustration but I think it would create problems.
What happens when you do get in a relationship? Are you or your significant other still allowed to hang with their old FWB or do you end the friendship? Do you lie to your significant other about an old FWB?
I have thought about this too. I have only been in one FWB situation and I ended it but now several months later find myself going back to this guy again. We are actually very close and talk about everything but we all know that leads to emotional attachment (on my end anyway) and the is part of the reason that I am actually in this situation because I do not sleep with just anyone and I do not just "hookup". He and I were friends before the whole FWB situation came about and honestly once I put a stop to it we didn't talk for a couple months. We started talking again about 2 months ago and it has lead right back in to the FWB situation again. Which I guess is fine as neither of us is seeing someone right now. But as you pointed out what happens when either of us does? I mean obviously we will quit the FWB thing, but does that mean the friendship will end? I don't know. Would I lie to my SO about an old FWB? No.
So yes the FWB situation could potentially create more problems than it solves.0
This discussion has been closed.