Is it better to poof?
Replies
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sorry that sucks. if it makes you feel any better I have realized that a guy is either into you or he isn't. if he is, he will make sure you know it. if he's not, he will probably not show you as much attention as you'd like. in which case why do u wanna keep seeing him anyway, know what I mean?
so just forget about him, and move on. I'm not being mean, its just that if its 2 dates you shouldn't be so invested much less upset that he poofed. are u talking to other guys?
You're not being mean. I agree with you 100% that if he's interested, he will let you know, but there are always exceptions. It is only two dates but it was stretched out over the span of a month talking also and whatnot. He called me a number of times and texted. So why AFTER THE 1ST DATE are you going to call and text if you're not interested or I'm not your type? He probably met someone else he likes better. Nothing even happened on the 2nd date that would make me think "oh THAT'S why he's ignoring me". NOTHING! Even my friends said he was really cool and "seemed into" me. I know it shouldn't make me as mad as it does, but it does because I just can't fathom doing that to someone else and I can't stand not knowing why! Hell I'd rather him make something up like "our schedules are too different" or "your days off suck" or "you snore like a grizzly bear" (I don't. For the record. Just saying). Not knowing is killing me. I have 1 guy I JUST started texting a few days ago. So we'll see. I have such bad luck with guys it's to the point where I don't even get excited anymore...but I had gotten excited about this last one, and now look...I need to stop jinxing myself.
I'm sooo Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You. That's me all the way lol
Ironic that I started this topic, and here in the same boat again--maybe its me?
Anyway, I know exactly how you feel........I talked to someone for a bout a week--phone, texting, emailing, etc. We met and had a great time. Then we had a 2nd date and went well again. He had crazy schedule the next week, but thought we might be able to get together one night, well, his softball game (he is umpire) got switched so he wasn't free. But he told me that he "really wanted to see me again" on Thurs morning. Thurs afternoon I asked him what time the game was - he answered, then I said call or text me when over if you want. I guess he didn't want--never heard from him again--and that was a week ago today......so NEXT (have a 1st date tonight
Grrr....just got a text asking if ok to reschedule for tonight!!
reschedule the 1st date or the guy from last week? lol.
don't get mad at the 1st date, hopefully he has a good excuse and didn't wait until the last minute or stand u up.0 -
sorry that sucks. if it makes you feel any better I have realized that a guy is either into you or he isn't. if he is, he will make sure you know it. if he's not, he will probably not show you as much attention as you'd like. in which case why do u wanna keep seeing him anyway, know what I mean?
so just forget about him, and move on. I'm not being mean, its just that if its 2 dates you shouldn't be so invested much less upset that he poofed. are u talking to other guys?
You're not being mean. I agree with you 100% that if he's interested, he will let you know, but there are always exceptions. It is only two dates but it was stretched out over the span of a month talking also and whatnot. He called me a number of times and texted. So why AFTER THE 1ST DATE are you going to call and text if you're not interested or I'm not your type? He probably met someone else he likes better. Nothing even happened on the 2nd date that would make me think "oh THAT'S why he's ignoring me". NOTHING! Even my friends said he was really cool and "seemed into" me. I know it shouldn't make me as mad as it does, but it does because I just can't fathom doing that to someone else and I can't stand not knowing why! Hell I'd rather him make something up like "our schedules are too different" or "your days off suck" or "you snore like a grizzly bear" (I don't. For the record. Just saying). Not knowing is killing me. I have 1 guy I JUST started texting a few days ago. So we'll see. I have such bad luck with guys it's to the point where I don't even get excited anymore...but I had gotten excited about this last one, and now look...I need to stop jinxing myself.
I'm sooo Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You. That's me all the way lol
Ironic that I started this topic, and here in the same boat again--maybe its me?
Anyway, I know exactly how you feel........I talked to someone for a bout a week--phone, texting, emailing, etc. We met and had a great time. Then we had a 2nd date and went well again. He had crazy schedule the next week, but thought we might be able to get together one night, well, his softball game (he is umpire) got switched so he wasn't free. But he told me that he "really wanted to see me again" on Thurs morning. Thurs afternoon I asked him what time the game was - he answered, then I said call or text me when over if you want. I guess he didn't want--never heard from him again--and that was a week ago today......so NEXT (have a 1st date tonight
Grrr....just got a text asking if ok to reschedule for tonight!!
reschedule the 1st date or the guy from last week? lol.
don't get mad at the 1st date, hopefully he has a good excuse and didn't wait until the last minute or stand u up.
1st date guy, and not last minute exactly but calling to reschedule at 3 for 5 is kind of last minute, and his excuse is because weather is bad--which it is--crazy rain and wind, but still..........0 -
sorry that sucks. if it makes you feel any better I have realized that a guy is either into you or he isn't. if he is, he will make sure you know it. if he's not, he will probably not show you as much attention as you'd like. in which case why do u wanna keep seeing him anyway, know what I mean?
so just forget about him, and move on. I'm not being mean, its just that if its 2 dates you shouldn't be so invested much less upset that he poofed. are u talking to other guys?
You're not being mean. I agree with you 100% that if he's interested, he will let you know, but there are always exceptions. It is only two dates but it was stretched out over the span of a month talking also and whatnot. He called me a number of times and texted. So why AFTER THE 1ST DATE are you going to call and text if you're not interested or I'm not your type? He probably met someone else he likes better. Nothing even happened on the 2nd date that would make me think "oh THAT'S why he's ignoring me". NOTHING! Even my friends said he was really cool and "seemed into" me. I know it shouldn't make me as mad as it does, but it does because I just can't fathom doing that to someone else and I can't stand not knowing why! Hell I'd rather him make something up like "our schedules are too different" or "your days off suck" or "you snore like a grizzly bear" (I don't. For the record. Just saying). Not knowing is killing me. I have 1 guy I JUST started texting a few days ago. So we'll see. I have such bad luck with guys it's to the point where I don't even get excited anymore...but I had gotten excited about this last one, and now look...I need to stop jinxing myself.
I'm sooo Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You. That's me all the way lol
Ironic that I started this topic, and here in the same boat again--maybe its me?
Anyway, I know exactly how you feel........I talked to someone for a bout a week--phone, texting, emailing, etc. We met and had a great time. Then we had a 2nd date and went well again. He had crazy schedule the next week, but thought we might be able to get together one night, well, his softball game (he is umpire) got switched so he wasn't free. But he told me that he "really wanted to see me again" on Thurs morning. Thurs afternoon I asked him what time the game was - he answered, then I said call or text me when over if you want. I guess he didn't want--never heard from him again--and that was a week ago today......so NEXT (have a 1st date tonight
Grrr....just got a text asking if ok to reschedule for tonight!!
reschedule the 1st date or the guy from last week? lol.
don't get mad at the 1st date, hopefully he has a good excuse and didn't wait until the last minute or stand u up.
1st date guy, and not last minute exactly but calling to reschedule at 3 for 5 is kind of last minute, and his excuse is because weather is bad--which it is--crazy rain and wind, but still..........
hmm you should be the one reschedule for bad weather. let him initiate the 2nd date? men can be such girls sometimes.0 -
sorry that sucks. if it makes you feel any better I have realized that a guy is either into you or he isn't. if he is, he will make sure you know it. if he's not, he will probably not show you as much attention as you'd like. in which case why do u wanna keep seeing him anyway, know what I mean?
so just forget about him, and move on. I'm not being mean, its just that if its 2 dates you shouldn't be so invested much less upset that he poofed. are u talking to other guys?
You're not being mean. I agree with you 100% that if he's interested, he will let you know, but there are always exceptions. It is only two dates but it was stretched out over the span of a month talking also and whatnot. He called me a number of times and texted. So why AFTER THE 1ST DATE are you going to call and text if you're not interested or I'm not your type? He probably met someone else he likes better. Nothing even happened on the 2nd date that would make me think "oh THAT'S why he's ignoring me". NOTHING! Even my friends said he was really cool and "seemed into" me. I know it shouldn't make me as mad as it does, but it does because I just can't fathom doing that to someone else and I can't stand not knowing why! Hell I'd rather him make something up like "our schedules are too different" or "your days off suck" or "you snore like a grizzly bear" (I don't. For the record. Just saying). Not knowing is killing me. I have 1 guy I JUST started texting a few days ago. So we'll see. I have such bad luck with guys it's to the point where I don't even get excited anymore...but I had gotten excited about this last one, and now look...I need to stop jinxing myself.
I'm sooo Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You. That's me all the way lol
Ironic that I started this topic, and here in the same boat again--maybe its me?
Anyway, I know exactly how you feel........I talked to someone for a bout a week--phone, texting, emailing, etc. We met and had a great time. Then we had a 2nd date and went well again. He had crazy schedule the next week, but thought we might be able to get together one night, well, his softball game (he is umpire) got switched so he wasn't free. But he told me that he "really wanted to see me again" on Thurs morning. Thurs afternoon I asked him what time the game was - he answered, then I said call or text me when over if you want. I guess he didn't want--never heard from him again--and that was a week ago today......so NEXT (have a 1st date tonight
Grrr....just got a text asking if ok to reschedule for tonight!!
reschedule the 1st date or the guy from last week? lol.
don't get mad at the 1st date, hopefully he has a good excuse and didn't wait until the last minute or stand u up.
1st date guy, and not last minute exactly but calling to reschedule at 3 for 5 is kind of last minute, and his excuse is because weather is bad--which it is--crazy rain and wind, but still..........
Grrr!! What a flake!! I'd never cancel cos of the weather..........what's he worried about? His wig blowing off> > :laugh:0 -
sorry that sucks. if it makes you feel any better I have realized that a guy is either into you or he isn't. if he is, he will make sure you know it. if he's not, he will probably not show you as much attention as you'd like. in which case why do u wanna keep seeing him anyway, know what I mean?
so just forget about him, and move on. I'm not being mean, its just that if its 2 dates you shouldn't be so invested much less upset that he poofed. are u talking to other guys?
You're not being mean. I agree with you 100% that if he's interested, he will let you know, but there are always exceptions. It is only two dates but it was stretched out over the span of a month talking also and whatnot. He called me a number of times and texted. So why AFTER THE 1ST DATE are you going to call and text if you're not interested or I'm not your type? He probably met someone else he likes better. Nothing even happened on the 2nd date that would make me think "oh THAT'S why he's ignoring me". NOTHING! Even my friends said he was really cool and "seemed into" me. I know it shouldn't make me as mad as it does, but it does because I just can't fathom doing that to someone else and I can't stand not knowing why! Hell I'd rather him make something up like "our schedules are too different" or "your days off suck" or "you snore like a grizzly bear" (I don't. For the record. Just saying). Not knowing is killing me. I have 1 guy I JUST started texting a few days ago. So we'll see. I have such bad luck with guys it's to the point where I don't even get excited anymore...but I had gotten excited about this last one, and now look...I need to stop jinxing myself.
I'm sooo Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You. That's me all the way lol
I actually did dump a girl because she snored like a grizzly bear. . Actually, more like a lawn tractor. I mean, it would shake the paint of walls! I never told her that, though. How do you tell someone you are dumping them because you'd have to purchase another house to live in if you ended up married?0 -
hmm you should be the one reschedule for bad weather. let him initiate the 2nd date? men can be such girls sometimes.
This made me laugh.
We make fun of men for behaving "like women", but when we behave "like women" it's expected for them to put up with it.
I find it interesting that it's demeaning to call a man a woman, as though it's bad to be a woman since they're expected to be better - they're expected to be MEN.
/feminism issues0 -
hmm you should be the one reschedule for bad weather. let him initiate the 2nd date? men can be such girls sometimes.
This made me laugh.
We make fun of men for behaving "like women", but when we behave "like women" it's expected for them to put up with it.
I find it interesting that it's demeaning to call a man a woman, as though it's bad to be a woman since they're expected to be better - they're expected to be MEN.
/feminism issues
haha I guess under these circumstances you would expect the girl to cancel because their hair will get wet, their make up will run, etc etc. maybe he's just nervous and using the weather as an excuse. maybe I just manly men who will walk through fire (or in this case walk in the rain) to see me. LOL. :blushing:0 -
what's he worried about? His wig blowing off> > :laugh:
bahaha this made me laugh out loud!0 -
sorry that sucks. if it makes you feel any better I have realized that a guy is either into you or he isn't. if he is, he will make sure you know it. if he's not, he will probably not show you as much attention as you'd like. in which case why do u wanna keep seeing him anyway, know what I mean?
so just forget about him, and move on. I'm not being mean, its just that if its 2 dates you shouldn't be so invested much less upset that he poofed. are u talking to other guys?
You're not being mean. I agree with you 100% that if he's interested, he will let you know, but there are always exceptions. It is only two dates but it was stretched out over the span of a month talking also and whatnot. He called me a number of times and texted. So why AFTER THE 1ST DATE are you going to call and text if you're not interested or I'm not your type? He probably met someone else he likes better. Nothing even happened on the 2nd date that would make me think "oh THAT'S why he's ignoring me". NOTHING! Even my friends said he was really cool and "seemed into" me. I know it shouldn't make me as mad as it does, but it does because I just can't fathom doing that to someone else and I can't stand not knowing why! Hell I'd rather him make something up like "our schedules are too different" or "your days off suck" or "you snore like a grizzly bear" (I don't. For the record. Just saying). Not knowing is killing me. I have 1 guy I JUST started texting a few days ago. So we'll see. I have such bad luck with guys it's to the point where I don't even get excited anymore...but I had gotten excited about this last one, and now look...I need to stop jinxing myself.
I'm sooo Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You. That's me all the way lol
I don't think it only takes 1 date to know if there is interest, chemistry, attraction, etc. I try to give it about 3 dates, sometimes less/sometimes more. It's possible he enjoyed your company so he went out on a second date. Although he still enjoyed your company it's possible he didn't feel chemistry/spark/attraction.. who knows? but I go out on more than 1 date with a person until I decide yay or nay, my mind isn't always made up the first time I meet you. Heck, I have dated a guy over a month and I have only just now been like 'yup I like him'
That being said, I have a 'no poofing' rule after date two.. I am ok to poof after the first meeting, but if you go out again I think it is nice to just say something like 'I wasn't feeling it, but good luck with your search'
None the less, sorry!!! Always sucks, but it was only date 2, so NEXT!!! keep on trying, he will come!0 -
I don't think it only takes 1 date to know if there is interest, chemistry, attraction, etc. I try to give it about 3 dates, sometimes less/sometimes more. It's possible he enjoyed your company so he went out on a second date. Although he still enjoyed your company it's possible he didn't feel chemistry/spark/attraction.. who knows? but I go out on more than 1 date with a person until I decide yay or nay, my mind isn't always made up the first time I meet you. Heck, I have dated a guy over a month and I have only just now been like 'yup I like him'
That being said, I have a 'no poofing' rule after date two.. I am ok to poof after the first meeting, but if you go out again I think it is nice to just say something like 'I wasn't feeling it, but good luck with your search'
None the less, sorry!!! Always sucks, but it was only date 2, so NEXT!!! keep on trying, he will come!
I guess I just got the wrong impression. A 10-hour date for the first date is A LONG TIME to not have ANY chemistry whatsoever. I don't know..I'm starting to think this is just what he does. He seems like a ladies man...0 -
1st date guy, and not last minute exactly but calling to reschedule at 3 for 5 is kind of last minute, and his excuse is because weather is bad--which it is--crazy rain and wind, but still..........Grrr!! What a flake!! I'd never cancel cos of the weather..........what's he worried about? His wig blowing off> > :laugh:
My "poofer" originally canceled out first date because he was hungover....but made it up to me the next day by actually coming through and we had a BLAST. I swear, we did. Thennn he canceled our 2nd date also but again, made it up to me by hanging out another time.
I just really. really. really. wish I knew why and I don't know why I can't just say "screw it" and not think about it. I guess because I feel like "maybe if it's something I did, it could be corrected, I wouldn't do/say that again" etc etc.....but I was being myself. If he isn't interested or is more interested in someone else I'd at least like to know and I would be fine with that. It's not like I'm going to blow up in his face if he ever does call me again and say "YOU COWARDLY *kitten* LITTLE B!TCH!" No. But poofing does make me want to say that lol
And him making another profile on the dating website completely blows my mind. I don't understand that at all....0 -
1st date guy, and not last minute exactly but calling to reschedule at 3 for 5 is kind of last minute, and his excuse is because weather is bad--which it is--crazy rain and wind, but still..........Grrr!! What a flake!! I'd never cancel cos of the weather..........what's he worried about? His wig blowing off> > :laugh:
My "poofer" originally canceled out first date because he was hungover....but made it up to me the next day by actually coming through and we had a BLAST. I swear, we did. Thennn he canceled our 2nd date also but again, made it up to me by hanging out another time.
I just really. really. really. wish I knew why and I don't know why I can't just say "screw it" and not think about it. I guess because I feel like "maybe if it's something I did, it could be corrected, I wouldn't do/say that again" etc etc.....but I was being myself. If he isn't interested or is more interested in someone else I'd at least like to know and I would be fine with that. It's not like I'm going to blow up in his face if he ever does call me again and say "YOU COWARDLY *kitten* LITTLE B!TCH!" No. But poofing does make me want to say that lol
And him making another profile on the dating website completely blows my mind. I don't understand that at all....
oh honey, it sounds like you have been ignoring the signs all along! if someone cancelled on me for being hung-over I would never agree to meeting him. in my opinion that is total disrespect. did you not know we had a date? could u not contain yourself and not get drunk one night out of the year when you knew you had something to do the next day? sorry but it sounds like you have been making too many exceptions to begin with and he thinks he has the upper hand in this situation and you will accommodate him not the other way around. so don't be surprised if he texts u in 2 wks or whenever and wants to hangout because he's bored, he probably thinks he can get away with it.
I have 4 older brothers. they have always told me a man will treat you the way you let them treat you.0 -
oh honey, it sounds like you have been ignoring the signs all along! if someone cancelled on me for being hung-over I would never agree to meeting him. in my opinion that is total disrespect. did you not know we had a date? could u not contain yourself and not get drunk one night out of the year when you knew you had something to do the next day? sorry but it sounds like you have been making too many exceptions to begin with and he thinks he has the upper hand in this situation and you will accommodate him not the other way around. so don't be surprised if he texts u in 2 wks or whenever and wants to hangout because he's bored, he probably thinks he can get away with it.
I have 4 older brothers. they have always told me a man will treat you the way you let them treat you.
Well, I was actually a little hungover too, so going out for drinks wasn't sounding like a good idea to me either..although I was still disappointed..BUT I got up, took a shower and took some advil, ate breakfast and got ready to go! But I agree with "could u not contain yourself and not get drunk one night out of the year when you knew you had something to do the next day?" That's exactly what I was thinking...Now that I look at the big picture, it has been wrong all along. I justified him canceling the first date by us having such a good time the next day. I justified him canceling the 2nd date originally because when he did come and my friends were there, he even told them about why he canceled and talked to them about it (long story I won't get into unless private messaged), so I figured it must have been true. My friend even texted me while we were at the bar "I guess he wasn't lying"...Now I realize he probably canceled when something better came along and didn't cancel when he had nothing better to do. You're right. Yeah, I'm glad I posted this on here now. Some of my friends are basically like "I don't get it" but you guys have some good insight! :flowerforyou: Thank you!0 -
a man will treat you the way you let them treat you.
I am learning this more and more as I go. I'm HORRIBLE at saying "no" to people. I'm a people-pleaser. That needs to be adjusted!!0 -
I would rather be poofed upon prior to meeting than after we have met and attempted to establish some sort of connection. Because at that point I have nothing invested.0
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oh honey, it sounds like you have been ignoring the signs all along! if someone cancelled on me for being hung-over I would never agree to meeting him. in my opinion that is total disrespect. did you not know we had a date? could u not contain yourself and not get drunk one night out of the year when you knew you had something to do the next day? sorry but it sounds like you have been making too many exceptions to begin with and he thinks he has the upper hand in this situation and you will accommodate him not the other way around. so don't be surprised if he texts u in 2 wks or whenever and wants to hangout because he's bored, he probably thinks he can get away with it.
I have 4 older brothers. they have always told me a man will treat you the way you let them treat you.
Well, I was actually a little hungover too, so going out for drinks wasn't sounding like a good idea to me either..although I was still disappointed..BUT I got up, took a shower and took some advil, ate breakfast and got ready to go! But I agree with "could u not contain yourself and not get drunk one night out of the year when you knew you had something to do the next day?" That's exactly what I was thinking...Now that I look at the big picture, it has been wrong all along. I justified him canceling the first date by us having such a good time the next day. I justified him canceling the 2nd date originally because when he did come and my friends were there, he even told them about why he canceled and talked to them about it (long story I won't get into unless private messaged), so I figured it must have been true. My friend even texted me while we were at the bar "I guess he wasn't lying"...Now I realize he probably canceled when something better came along and didn't cancel when he had nothing better to do. You're right. Yeah, I'm glad I posted this on here now. Some of my friends are basically like "I don't get it" but you guys have some good insight! :flowerforyou: Thank you!
Nola hit it bang on. I have been on COUNTLESS dates and what I have learned is cancelling/postponing is NOT something I will put up with any longer, especially if he tells you he is hungover, has something better to do, etc. I made one exception for a guy who got called away to work. men will try to get away with whatever they can! (women too!) Stand up for yourself - show you are full of self worth, self esteem, and have healthy boundaries. It will help you weed thru the flakes quicker!!
I had a guy text me all day up until about noon the day of our first date... then he vanished and I ended up going out with my friends. The next day I got a text apologizing that he decided to go out with his friend instead. REALLY? Some women would put up with that and still meet him, he learned quickly I was not that girl.
I had another guy stand me up for our first date, but after I gave him a second chance... it was nothing but him cancelling our plans, even like 1 hour before... then he dumped me via text.
interested men, with character, aren't that flakey.. he has given you enough red flags IMO.... and then the poofing! please don't give him another chance, when like Nola says, shows up in 2 weeks time.0 -
"I don't get it"
read 'he's just not that into you' a guy who is in to you will never leave you wondering this......0 -
Nola hit it bang on. I have been on COUNTLESS dates and what I have learned is cancelling/postponing is NOT something I will put up with any longer, especially if he tells you he is hungover, has something better to do, etc. I made one exception for a guy who got called away to work. men will try to get away with whatever they can! (women too!) Stand up for yourself - show you are full of self worth, self esteem, and have healthy boundaries. It will help you weed thru the flakes quicker!!
I had a guy text me all day up until about noon the day of our first date... then he vanished and I ended up going out with my friends. The next day I got a text apologizing that he decided to go out with his friend instead. REALLY? Some women would put up with that and still meet him, he learned quickly I was not that girl.
I had another guy stand me up for our first date, but after I gave him a second chance... it was nothing but him cancelling our plans, even like 1 hour before... then he dumped me via text.
interested men, with character, aren't that flakey.. he has given you enough red flags IMO.... and then the poofing! please don't give him another chance, when like Nola says, shows up in 2 weeks time.
Yes she did hit it bang on. And you're very right also! Canceling a date an hour beforehand? How do they not understand that it takes time for us to "get ready"? We don't just throw on clothes and walk out the door. I even painted my nails for the 2nd date he canceled! AND I told my mom I couldn't see her that day because I had a date. It's seriously a horrendous thing to do. In a way I am glad he (and all of you) have shown me the light. I definitely learned not to put up with that crap, but I take it as a lesson. And you're right, a guy who is into me won't leave me wondering. The last month of wondering, overanalyzing and questioning was actually stressful! Even though I was sad and disappointed at first, I'm definitely less stressed now. Thanks so much everyone! I won't give him another chance. Don't worry. And he's still on the dating website CONSTANTLY "online now", probably terrorizing away leaving a trail of questions and bitter women in his wake like a damn tornado.
p.s. I have read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"...twice...and watched the movie a thousand times lol0 -
Nola hit it bang on. I have been on COUNTLESS dates and what I have learned is cancelling/postponing is NOT something I will put up with any longer, especially if he tells you he is hungover, has something better to do, etc. I made one exception for a guy who got called away to work. men will try to get away with whatever they can! (women too!) Stand up for yourself - show you are full of self worth, self esteem, and have healthy boundaries. It will help you weed thru the flakes quicker!!
I had a guy text me all day up until about noon the day of our first date... then he vanished and I ended up going out with my friends. The next day I got a text apologizing that he decided to go out with his friend instead. REALLY? Some women would put up with that and still meet him, he learned quickly I was not that girl.
I had another guy stand me up for our first date, but after I gave him a second chance... it was nothing but him cancelling our plans, even like 1 hour before... then he dumped me via text.
interested men, with character, aren't that flakey.. he has given you enough red flags IMO.... and then the poofing! please don't give him another chance, when like Nola says, shows up in 2 weeks time.
Yes she did hit it bang on. And you're very right also! Canceling a date an hour beforehand? How do they not understand that it takes time for us to "get ready"? We don't just throw on clothes and walk out the door. I even painted my nails for the 2nd date he canceled! AND I told my mom I couldn't see her that day because I had a date. It's seriously a horrendous thing to do. In a way I am glad he (and all of you) have shown me the light. I definitely learned not to put up with that crap, but I take it as a lesson. And you're right, a guy who is into me won't leave me wondering. The last month of wondering, overanalyzing and questioning was actually stressful! Even though I was sad and disappointed at first, I'm definitely less stressed now. Thanks so much everyone! I won't give him another chance. Don't worry. And he's still on the dating website CONSTANTLY "online now", probably terrorizing away leaving a trail of questions and bitter women in his wake like a damn tornado.
p.s. I have read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"...twice...and watched the movie a thousand times lol
I know we don't know each other and you don't know my dating history but.... Just when I think I've seen it all, I see one thing new. It's stressful to date sometimes but stay true to you... Put yourself first and maintain your life and it makes it easier. I have been seeing a guy for about 1.5 months now ( I met him in march but he travelled for 2 months) and while I have no idea what my future holds with him he makes my life peaceful, enjoyable and adds to it. I'm never left wondering -- does he likes me, what did that mean, I never over analyze or worry. I was unsure of him at first but chose to live in the moment and its worked extremely well for me. He seems fairly grounded too. That stuff ( stress worry over analyzing) isn't normal and IMO your gut telling you to move on. I have a Really good email I may send you thru MFP about 'I don't know' thoughts.
Good for you!!! Dating is hard but you can learn alot about yourself and grow tremendously!! But put yourself first.0 -
This is that email. Long read but good...
Why Isn't He Into Me?
Let's deal with the big question: "Does he
like me or doesn't he?"
It's something that women the world over get
tied up in KNOTS about.
Try this little scenario on for size and
familiarity: you meet a guy. You feel that spark.
You get those excited butterflies in your belly
that you get when you meet A Potential Somebody.
There's definite flirting.
... He winds up kissing you.
Then: you don't hear from him for a week or
two.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
Does it mean he needs a little nudge? Does it
mean he needs some encouragement? Does it mean you
should call him?
If you are having to wonder about why he hasn't
called you - or worse, make up excuses for him (he
didn't know your last name/you didn't give him
your number/his life is just really busy right
now/etc) - then your answer is staring you right
in the face: HE IS JUST NOT READY FOR A
RELATIONSHIP.
Sure, he might have had a really busy week at
work. He might have lost your number. He might have
had a grandmother die and have to leave town for the
funeral.
But if you were the girl that really pushed his
attraction buttons, he would make time to call you.
No Matter What.
So: no, you should NOT call him. If he really
likes you, HE will call YOU.
When men really like women, they are at LEAST
as resourceful as YOU are when you like a guy!
Most women would conclude, should they find
themselves in the situation of Example Woman, that
he's 'just scared.' He's intimidated by her
beauty. He's just coming out of a really ugly
breakup. His career is sucking up ALL his time
right now.
She should just give him some space and let him
know she's there when he's ready.
The ACTUAL conclusion is this: if he's not
calling, then IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW MUCH OF A
'SPARK' THERE WAS. It doesn't matter how 'into
you' he seemed to be at the time. It doesn't even
matter if he's kissed you.
If he's really into you, NOTHING will get in
his way of tracking you down and being with you.
Here's a home truth that most women don't
understand (or don't WANT to understand): men
don't actually send mixed messages.
We often THINK they do. We get all tied up in
knots because we think they're so complex.
"Why would he pull with one hand and push with
the other?" we wonder. "It doesn't make any sense.
Men are so complex!"
It's actually very simple. Those 'mixed
messages' mean that he's NOT FEELING THE SPARK.
If he was interested, believe me, you
wouldn't have to be wondering whether he was or
not!
But we don't want to consider this fact. We
want this guy to be GOOD. We want this guy to turn
out to be just as good as we hoped he would be,
actually.
Here's my first tip for being a first-class Man
Decipherer: don't pay attention to what he's
SAYING. Pay attention to how he's ACTING.
It's easy enough to overanalyze words ... less so
ACTIONS.
Here are a few examples of some of the stuff I
hear women asking, over and over again:
- "Does it mean he's into me if he says, 'I
really like you but I just really need to focus on
my career at the moment?'"
- "What does it mean when he says, 'I love you
but I'm not IN LOVE with you?'"
- "Why did he kiss me last time we hung out but
now I haven't heard from him for a couple weeks ...
except I got a text message last night saying,
'What are you up to?'"
All of these questions have the same answer.
And (if you can't guess it already), that answer
is, "I'm really not feeling that commitment rush ...
but I'm too scared to be straight up about it. And
maybe I don't want to burn any bridges, either. So
I'll SAY that I'm interested, but really, if you
want to know the TRUTH, just look at how I'm
acting."
I say this as kindly as possible, but I say it
nonetheless: if you want to know how he REALLY
feels about you, pay attention to what he's DOING,
not what he's SAYING.
And one other thing: pay attention to how he's
acting RIGHT NOW, not how he acted 2 weeks ago.
Take the "he kissed me last time he saw me, but
that was 2 weeks ago and I've barely heard from
him since then" scenario as an example.
WHO CARES if he kissed you the last time he saw
you, if now he's keeping his distance? How can
that possibly mean, 'I'm absolutely wild about you
and I want to be with you?'
You know what that behavior says to me? It says
he kissed you because he felt like it at the time,
and now he's changed his mind, and he doesn't know
how to be straight with you.
So, he's saying nice things to you and keeping
the BARE MINIMUM of contact with you so that you
don't get upset, think he's an a**hole, cry, and
'make a scene' ...
... but all the while, he's hoping like mad that
you get the hint.
What about if he says he really likes you, but
he's 'too busy for a relationship', or 'not ready
for a relationship'?
Please. It means he's too busy for a
relationship WITH YOU. He's not ready for a
relationship WITH YOU. When a man meets a woman
he's really into, it doesn't matter how busy he is
- he MAKES the time to see her. And to see her as
much as he possibly can.
If you're sick of being the one that gets dumped
and want to be the one he's really into, the one
he wants to put first and keep, check out this video:
If you feel like you're getting 'mixed
messages', the harsh truth is that it means that
you should cut your losses, and move on to
somebody who will really, truly appreciate you for
the great gal you are.
And of course, finding the Right Someone for
you is way easier when you've got all the tools at
hand to create GENUINE ATTRACTION with someone
when you want to.
It's basically a SOCIAL SCIENCE ... emphasis on
the SCIENCE.
Yes, some people are born popular, but that
doesn't change the fact that it is actually a
LEARNABLE SKILL.
(That means that, given the right information,
YOU can actually LEARN how to make yourself
irresistibly attractive to all men ... or, the RIGHT
man!)
If that's something you're interested in - and
I hope it is - then you should check out this
video right now:
NO more disappointing men. You can't afford to waste
any more time on making excuses for why you aren't
getting what you want.
Being pushy and assertive will probably work very
well in a competitive job market.
However ...
... THIS DOESN'T WORK WHEN IT COMES TO MEN AND
DATING.
When it comes to men and dating, take
everything you've been taught about the 'right
attitude to have', and turn it on its head.
Become a pessimist. Expect that, when he
doesn't call, it means he's not interested. EXPECT
THE WORST!!
Once you get your head around this viewpoint,
it's actually quite empowering. You no longer need
to waste any time and energy 'helping him' to ask
you out, waiting around for him to notice you, or
trying to 'figure out what's happening'.
All you have to do is become a REALIST, and see
the truth for what it really is: that he's
actually been telling you the truth ALL ALONG.
He's just doing it with his ACTIONS, not his
WORDS.
What this means for you:
- Don't help him to ask you out. You can
encourage him, but DON'T DO IT FOR HIM. Examples
of this: "I've got 2 free tickets to a concert."
Or, "Gee, I'd sure like to go out for a drink with
someone tonight. What a shame I've got nobody to
go with. (heavy pause.)" Or, "Why don't you ask me
out for coffee and we can get to know each other?"
- If he is interested in you, not only will he
do all the work, but he actually WANTS TO. I've
said it before and I'll say it again: men like to
pursue. They like to see if they can catch you. If
he wants you, he will try to get you. If he
doesn't, he won't. If you find yourself having to
do all the work, he's not interested in you.
- There is no such thing as a mixed message. A
'mixed message' IS your answer. A mixed message is
him, stating loud and clear, "I'm sorry, but I'm
not really all that interested in you."0 -
I agree 100% Kim!
Regarding this:- Don't help him to ask you out. You can
encourage him, but DON'T DO IT FOR HIM. Examples
of this: "I've got 2 free tickets to a concert."
Or, "Gee, I'd sure like to go out for a drink with
someone tonight. What a shame I've got nobody to
go with. (heavy pause.)" Or, "Why don't you ask me
out for coffee and we can get to know each other?"
- If he is interested in you, not only will he
do all the work, but he actually WANTS TO. I've
said it before and I'll say it again: men like to
pursue. They like to see if they can catch you. If
he wants you, he will try to get you. If he
doesn't, he won't. If you find yourself having to
do all the work, he's not interested in you.
This is interesting to read:
"I am saying they would LIKE it [men being asked out by a woman] but not that you SHOULD [ask a man out].
Most women say that they would LIKE a man who does whatever you want all day long; but they wouldn't respect him, because they'd know he was a pushover and that they could do better. They'd leave him after a week.
Men say they want women to approach, because it makes life easier for them. But in the end, they won't be able to respect themselves knowing that you had to do the work for them, and they will know in the back of their minds that if they just push through their fears of approaching, they could get a better girl. This is a bad foundation for a relationship."
- The Rules Revisited0 -
I agree 100% Kim!
Regarding this:- Don't help him to ask you out. You can
encourage him, but DON'T DO IT FOR HIM. Examples
of this: "I've got 2 free tickets to a concert."
Or, "Gee, I'd sure like to go out for a drink with
someone tonight. What a shame I've got nobody to
go with. (heavy pause.)" Or, "Why don't you ask me
out for coffee and we can get to know each other?"
- If he is interested in you, not only will he
do all the work, but he actually WANTS TO. I've
said it before and I'll say it again: men like to
pursue. They like to see if they can catch you. If
he wants you, he will try to get you. If he
doesn't, he won't. If you find yourself having to
do all the work, he's not interested in you.
This is interesting to read:
"I am saying they would LIKE it [men being asked out by a woman] but not that you SHOULD [ask a man out].
Most women say that they would LIKE a man who does whatever you want all day long; but they wouldn't respect him, because they'd know he was a pushover and that they could do better. They'd leave him after a week.
Men say they want women to approach, because it makes life easier for them. But in the end, they won't be able to respect themselves knowing that you had to do the work for them, and they will know in the back of their minds that if they just push through their fears of approaching, they could get a better girl. This is a bad foundation for a relationship."
- The Rules Revisited
Who knows?!? lol
I am kind of at the point that I will go on the first date, and the man can approach me for the 2nd, 3rd, etc. With Asia, I think we are somewhat past that. I ask him to come hang out, or he asks me to hang out... doesn't seem to be an issue for us. But we have been dating almost 2 months now ...
ETA: that being said, if there was a time that I was asking and he was declining most of the time (happened with my gambling ex of 9 months) I would quit asking, I would take a huge step back, and he could re-pursue me... but chances are if you get to that point they may have lost interest? but I am no longer fighting for a man who clearly isn't interested in me.0 -
a man will treat you the way you let them treat you.
I am learning this more and more as I go. I'm HORRIBLE at saying "no" to people. I'm a people-pleaser. That needs to be adjusted!!
That's me, too..but chances are if you get to that point they may have lost interest? but I am no longer fighting for a man who clearly isn't interested in me.
This is a lesson I'm trying so hard to learn :ohwell:0 -
With Asia, I think we are somewhat past that. I ask him to come hang out, or he asks me to hang out... doesn't seem to be an issue for us. But we have been dating almost 2 months now ...
Oh yea when you're dating dating it's different. I think this is talking more about the first initial meeting.
I am learning this more and more as I go. I'm HORRIBLE at saying "no" to people. I'm a people-pleaser. That needs to be adjusted!!
I used to be like this but sometime a couple years ago I just stopped giving a *kitten* and it's been awesome now!0 -
With Asia, I think we are somewhat past that. I ask him to come hang out, or he asks me to hang out... doesn't seem to be an issue for us. But we have been dating almost 2 months now ...Oh yea when you're dating dating it's different. I think this is talking more about the first initial meeting.
Yeah I would say it was speaking more for the first little while until something more 'regular' is established... but if you run into troubles I think it could re-apply! lol
I am learning this more and more as I go. I'm HORRIBLE at saying "no" to people. I'm a people-pleaser. That needs to be adjusted!!I used to be like this but sometime a couple years ago I just stopped giving a *kitten* and it's been awesome now!
I have learned this the hard way as well. It's not so much that I don't give a *kitten* now, but I have set myself healthy boundaries (for life and for dating) and if you don't fit inside those, then buh bye! I have also learned that it's ok for a man to not fulfill my check list, and if he doesn't I don't need to fit a square in a circle, I can move on...0 -
I agree 100% Kim!
Regarding this:- Don't help him to ask you out. You can
encourage him, but DON'T DO IT FOR HIM. Examples
of this: "I've got 2 free tickets to a concert."
Or, "Gee, I'd sure like to go out for a drink with
someone tonight. What a shame I've got nobody to
go with. (heavy pause.)" Or, "Why don't you ask me
out for coffee and we can get to know each other?"
- If he is interested in you, not only will he
do all the work, but he actually WANTS TO. I've
said it before and I'll say it again: men like to
pursue. They like to see if they can catch you. If
he wants you, he will try to get you. If he
doesn't, he won't. If you find yourself having to
do all the work, he's not interested in you.
This is interesting to read:
"I am saying they would LIKE it [men being asked out by a woman] but not that you SHOULD [ask a man out].
Most women say that they would LIKE a man who does whatever you want all day long; but they wouldn't respect him, because they'd know he was a pushover and that they could do better. They'd leave him after a week.
Men say they want women to approach, because it makes life easier for them. But in the end, they won't be able to respect themselves knowing that you had to do the work for them, and they will know in the back of their minds that if they just push through their fears of approaching, they could get a better girl. This is a bad foundation for a relationship."
- The Rules Revisited
........................
yeah. I guess all the success Jen and I have had is a total fluke. We're really just desperate losers and men don't respect us.0 -
I agree 100% Kim!
Regarding this:- Don't help him to ask you out. You can
encourage him, but DON'T DO IT FOR HIM. Examples
of this: "I've got 2 free tickets to a concert."
Or, "Gee, I'd sure like to go out for a drink with
someone tonight. What a shame I've got nobody to
go with. (heavy pause.)" Or, "Why don't you ask me
out for coffee and we can get to know each other?"
- If he is interested in you, not only will he
do all the work, but he actually WANTS TO. I've
said it before and I'll say it again: men like to
pursue. They like to see if they can catch you. If
he wants you, he will try to get you. If he
doesn't, he won't. If you find yourself having to
do all the work, he's not interested in you.
This is interesting to read:
"I am saying they would LIKE it [men being asked out by a woman] but not that you SHOULD [ask a man out].
Most women say that they would LIKE a man who does whatever you want all day long; but they wouldn't respect him, because they'd know he was a pushover and that they could do better. They'd leave him after a week.
Men say they want women to approach, because it makes life easier for them. But in the end, they won't be able to respect themselves knowing that you had to do the work for them, and they will know in the back of their minds that if they just push through their fears of approaching, they could get a better girl. This is a bad foundation for a relationship."
- The Rules Revisited
........................
I think the above is just complete... 100% rubbish. Totally false and was written to sell something... bad advice for real-world dating. Might work in Never-never Land.yeah. I guess all the success Jen and I have had is a total fluke. We're really just desperate losers and men don't respect us.
Kits.... don't forget to lump me in with you and Jen. LOL0 -
........................
yeah. I guess all the success Jen and I have had is a total fluke. We're really just desperate losers and men don't respect us.
Kits.... don't forget to lump me in with you and Jen. LOL
And, if I have success with my crush... then me, too.0 -
What I was trying to get at by posting the article was that if you must sit around and worry about the man's every word, say things like 'I don't get it' or 'oh he is just busy right now', etc. that you are missing the message that he just isn't that into you... that's what I took from the email.. I wasn't caught up on who asked who out, that's personal preference.
Eta: I realize you were just referencing the one quoted part0 -
I agree 100% Kim!
Regarding this:- Don't help him to ask you out. You can
encourage him, but DON'T DO IT FOR HIM. Examples
of this: "I've got 2 free tickets to a concert."
Or, "Gee, I'd sure like to go out for a drink with
someone tonight. What a shame I've got nobody to
go with. (heavy pause.)" Or, "Why don't you ask me
out for coffee and we can get to know each other?"
- If he is interested in you, not only will he
do all the work, but he actually WANTS TO. I've
said it before and I'll say it again: men like to
pursue. They like to see if they can catch you. If
he wants you, he will try to get you. If he
doesn't, he won't. If you find yourself having to
do all the work, he's not interested in you.
This is interesting to read:
"I am saying they would LIKE it [men being asked out by a woman] but not that you SHOULD [ask a man out].
Most women say that they would LIKE a man who does whatever you want all day long; but they wouldn't respect him, because they'd know he was a pushover and that they could do better. They'd leave him after a week.
Men say they want women to approach, because it makes life easier for them. But in the end, they won't be able to respect themselves knowing that you had to do the work for them, and they will know in the back of their minds that if they just push through their fears of approaching, they could get a better girl. This is a bad foundation for a relationship."
- The Rules Revisited
........................
yeah. I guess all the success Jen and I have had is a total fluke. We're really just desperate losers and men don't respect us.
I don't necessarily believe the quote I posted but it is an interesting thought.0
