Is it better to poof?
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I know we don't know each other and you don't know my dating history but.... Just when I think I've seen it all, I see one thing new. It's stressful to date sometimes but stay true to you... Put yourself first and maintain your life and it makes it easier. I have been seeing a guy for about 1.5 months now ( I met him in march but he travelled for 2 months) and while I have no idea what my future holds with him he makes my life peaceful, enjoyable and adds to it. I'm never left wondering -- does he likes me, what did that mean, I never over analyze or worry. I was unsure of him at first but chose to live in the moment and its worked extremely well for me. He seems fairly grounded too. That stuff ( stress worry over analyzing) isn't normal and IMO your gut telling you to move on
. I have a Really good email I may send you thru MFP about 'I don't know' thoughts.
Good for you!!! Dating is hard but you can learn alot about yourself and grow tremendously!! But put yourself first.
That's great about your new guy! That's awesome! I will add you I have a hard time listening to my gut. I want to give 2nd chances, but then when they mess up it's like I reset the 2nd chance and rationalize it by thinking "Well, they screwed me over, but then they came through, now they're screwing me over again, so maybe they'll come through next time"? It's a warped and twisted way to think when I type it out like that but I always "feel bad" thinking the guy will be hurt when he really probably doesn't even give a crap in the first place! Ugh... 0 -
I am learning this more and more as I go. I'm HORRIBLE at saying "no" to people. I'm a people-pleaser. That needs to be adjusted!!I used to be like this but sometime a couple years ago I just stopped giving a *kitten* and it's been awesome now!
LOL awesome, I have that to look forward to then! :happy:0 -
I just think it's important for people to know that the way my tabs are set up, this thread is titled
"Is it better to poo..."
That is all.
LOL0 -
Ok first I admit I didn't read ALL of the posts under this topic yet but wanted to post my thoughts on the OP.
I don't poof I think it is rude but I also do my best to remain friends with everyone. So if I decide that I don't want to text/talk to someone I will let them know. Yes, I probably give some type of form letter sounding like "I don't think we are compatiable (maybe I'll list a reason why) and I wish you best of luck in your search...."
I would also never stand somone up - this is different than poofing. If I make a plan to meet somone I'll meet them, If I tell somone I am going to be somewhere I'll be there unless a TRUE emergency comes up. I think a lot of guys "poof" or "miss meetings" becuase in the online world it is very easy for "offers" to pop up and men can be stupid and do the wrong thing...
Again this is just my thoughts, I don't think it is better to poof and I don't like when I am "poofed" on either. It only takes a minute to simply say, "hey, I am not romantically interested maybe we can be friends" ... "hey, your a jerk don't text me any more" (that would hurt a little but it would be better than nothing)0 -
Ok first I admit I didn't read ALL of the posts under this topic yet but wanted to post my thoughts on the OP.
I don't poof I think it is rude but I also do my best to remain friends with everyone. So if I decide that I don't want to text/talk to someone I will let them know. Yes, I probably give some type of form letter sounding like "I don't think we are compatiable (maybe I'll list a reason why) and I wish you best of luck in your search...."
I would also never stand somone up - this is different than poofing. If I make a plan to meet somone I'll meet them, If I tell somone I am going to be somewhere I'll be there unless a TRUE emergency comes up. I think a lot of guys "poof" or "miss meetings" becuase in the online world it is very easy for "offers" to pop up and men can be stupid and do the wrong thing...
Again this is just my thoughts, I don't think it is better to poof and I don't like when I am "poofed" on either. It only takes a minute to simply say, "hey, I am not romantically interested maybe we can be friends" ... "hey, your a jerk don't text me any more" (that would hurt a little but it would be better than nothing)
You are the male version of me!! Agreed on all points :flowerforyou:0 -
Ok first I admit I didn't read ALL of the posts under this topic yet but wanted to post my thoughts on the OP.
I don't poof I think it is rude but I also do my best to remain friends with everyone. So if I decide that I don't want to text/talk to someone I will let them know. Yes, I probably give some type of form letter sounding like "I don't think we are compatiable (maybe I'll list a reason why) and I wish you best of luck in your search...."
I would also never stand somone up - this is different than poofing. If I make a plan to meet somone I'll meet them, If I tell somone I am going to be somewhere I'll be there unless a TRUE emergency comes up. I think a lot of guys "poof" or "miss meetings" becuase in the online world it is very easy for "offers" to pop up and men can be stupid and do the wrong thing...
Again this is just my thoughts, I don't think it is better to poof and I don't like when I am "poofed" on either. It only takes a minute to simply say, "hey, I am not romantically interested maybe we can be friends" ... "hey, your a jerk don't text me any more" (that would hurt a little but it would be better than nothing)
Agreed. I feel the same way!!! What's the worst that can happen when you're honest? The person will MOST LIKELY say "Wow...that sucks...but at least he/she was honest!" ya know? A guy I went on ONE date with like a YEAR ago did this with me. He was completely honest and sent me a long text the next day about how I "just wasn't his type" (but that his friend was interested in me, haha! I wasn't interested in his friend.) I was actually searching for him on the website recently (saw him pop up again a few weeks ago but must have deleted it since then because he's gone again) and I was going to message him just to thank him for his honesty. I was upset at the time and wondered what his "type" was...but looking back now a year later I couldn't have asked for a better "let down" lol0 -
What I was trying to get at by posting the article was that if you must sit around and worry about the man's every word, say things like 'I don't get it' or 'oh he is just busy right now', etc. that you are missing the message that he just isn't that into you... that's what I took from the email.. I wasn't caught up on who asked who out, that's personal preference.
Eta: I realize you were just referencing the one quoted part
See, that's where I'm confused with my current crush. He's been VERY up-front that he's into me, telling me such things as "I love everything about you", "I would love to meet you", "you're the sweetest", etc etc.
However, he's traveling at the moment, and I have barely heard from him in the past week. So should I assume he's not into me because I haven't heard from him, and if he was then he should be able to make time to talk to me as the article said? Or should I take him at his word that he is, but that he's busy because he's traveling? I know I'm horrible at keeping in contact with people when I'm out of the country...
(for the record, we live in different countries)0 -
What I was trying to get at by posting the article was that if you must sit around and worry about the man's every word, say things like 'I don't get it' or 'oh he is just busy right now', etc. that you are missing the message that he just isn't that into you... that's what I took from the email.. I wasn't caught up on who asked who out, that's personal preference.
Eta: I realize you were just referencing the one quoted part
See, that's where I'm confused with my current crush. He's been VERY up-front that he's into me, telling me such things as "I love everything about you", "I would love to meet you", "you're the sweetest", etc etc.
However, he's traveling at the moment, and I have barely heard from him in the past week. So should I assume he's not into me because I haven't heard from him, and if he was then he should be able to make time to talk to me as the article said? Or should I take him at his word that he is, but that he's busy because he's traveling? I know I'm horrible at keeping in contact with people when I'm out of the country...
(for the record, we live in different countries)
He's traveling, he made sure you knew he was traveling. It's acceptable for life to get spotty.
As relationships develop it's not uncommon for nonessential communication to die down a little.0 -
What I was trying to get at by posting the article was that if you must sit around and worry about the man's every word, say things like 'I don't get it' or 'oh he is just busy right now', etc. that you are missing the message that he just isn't that into you... that's what I took from the email.. I wasn't caught up on who asked who out, that's personal preference.
Eta: I realize you were just referencing the one quoted part
See, that's where I'm confused with my current crush. He's been VERY up-front that he's into me, telling me such things as "I love everything about you", "I would love to meet you", "you're the sweetest", etc etc.
However, he's traveling at the moment, and I have barely heard from him in the past week. So should I assume he's not into me because I haven't heard from him, and if he was then he should be able to make time to talk to me as the article said? Or should I take him at his word that he is, but that he's busy because he's traveling? I know I'm horrible at keeping in contact with people when I'm out of the country...
(for the record, we live in different countries)
He's traveling, he made sure you knew he was traveling. It's acceptable for life to get spotty.
As relationships develop it's not uncommon for nonessential communication to die down a little.
Tell that to my old roommate. Oh man the pointless drivel I had to listen to between her and her boyfriend. Sometimes I went crazy.0 -
I agree 100% Kim!
Regarding this:- Don't help him to ask you out. You can
encourage him, but DON'T DO IT FOR HIM. Examples
of this: "I've got 2 free tickets to a concert."
Or, "Gee, I'd sure like to go out for a drink with
someone tonight. What a shame I've got nobody to
go with. (heavy pause.)" Or, "Why don't you ask me
out for coffee and we can get to know each other?"
- If he is interested in you, not only will he
do all the work, but he actually WANTS TO. I've
said it before and I'll say it again: men like to
pursue. They like to see if they can catch you. If
he wants you, he will try to get you. If he
doesn't, he won't. If you find yourself having to
do all the work, he's not interested in you.
This is interesting to read:
"I am saying they would LIKE it [men being asked out by a woman] but not that you SHOULD [ask a man out].
Most women say that they would LIKE a man who does whatever you want all day long; but they wouldn't respect him, because they'd know he was a pushover and that they could do better. They'd leave him after a week.
Men say they want women to approach, because it makes life easier for them. But in the end, they won't be able to respect themselves knowing that you had to do the work for them, and they will know in the back of their minds that if they just push through their fears of approaching, they could get a better girl. This is a bad foundation for a relationship."
- The Rules Revisited
........................
yeah. I guess all the success Jen and I have had is a total fluke. We're really just desperate losers and men don't respect us.
I don't necessarily believe the quote I posted but it is an interesting thought.
Interesting in that it's completely bullsh*t and not worth dwelling on? It's one thing if you prefer to sit back and let the man do the pursuing because it makes you feel more desired, but to further the idea that women who do pursue are desperate losers and that the men who pick them up are just waiting for the next best thing is not something I would consider interesting. Especially when there are several women on here who have openly stated how much success they have had with it.
Hearing it over and over again is annoying enough from idiots like Mike, but when it revisits the form of a friend how are we supposed to take it?
It's true, some guys don't like to be pursued. Some guys do. I attract the guys that are a fit for the tactics that I utilize, and you'll attract the guys that are a fit for yours. Neither one of us is "wrong" or "better" but at the very least can we please stop posting insulting literature?0 -
What I was trying to get at by posting the article was that if you must sit around and worry about the man's every word, say things like 'I don't get it' or 'oh he is just busy right now', etc. that you are missing the message that he just isn't that into you... that's what I took from the email.. I wasn't caught up on who asked who out, that's personal preference.
Eta: I realize you were just referencing the one quoted part
See, that's where I'm confused with my current crush. He's been VERY up-front that he's into me, telling me such things as "I love everything about you", "I would love to meet you", "you're the sweetest", etc etc.
However, he's traveling at the moment, and I have barely heard from him in the past week. So should I assume he's not into me because I haven't heard from him, and if he was then he should be able to make time to talk to me as the article said? Or should I take him at his word that he is, but that he's busy because he's traveling? I know I'm horrible at keeping in contact with people when I'm out of the country...
(for the record, we live in different countries)
He's traveling, he made sure you knew he was traveling. It's acceptable for life to get spotty.
As relationships develop it's not uncommon for nonessential communication to die down a little.
Tell that to my old roommate. Oh man the pointless drivel I had to listen to between her and her boyfriend. Sometimes I went crazy.
Ahahaha, I have a friend like this. She talks all the time and I'll sometimes just look at her and straight up ask "Why are you talking about this?"0 -
What I was trying to get at by posting the article was that if you must sit around and worry about the man's every word, say things like 'I don't get it' or 'oh he is just busy right now', etc. that you are missing the message that he just isn't that into you... that's what I took from the email.. I wasn't caught up on who asked who out, that's personal preference.
Eta: I realize you were just referencing the one quoted part
See, that's where I'm confused with my current crush. He's been VERY up-front that he's into me, telling me such things as "I love everything about you", "I would love to meet you", "you're the sweetest", etc etc.
However, he's traveling at the moment, and I have barely heard from him in the past week. So should I assume he's not into me because I haven't heard from him, and if he was then he should be able to make time to talk to me as the article said? Or should I take him at his word that he is, but that he's busy because he's traveling? I know I'm horrible at keeping in contact with people when I'm out of the country...
(for the record, we live in different countries)
He's traveling, he made sure you knew he was traveling. It's acceptable for life to get spotty.
As relationships develop it's not uncommon for nonessential communication to die down a little.
Yeah, I know. I didn't get all curious and confused about it until I read that, and then I started to wonder...0 -
What I was trying to get at by posting the article was that if you must sit around and worry about the man's every word, say things like 'I don't get it' or 'oh he is just busy right now', etc. that you are missing the message that he just isn't that into you... that's what I took from the email.. I wasn't caught up on who asked who out, that's personal preference.
Eta: I realize you were just referencing the one quoted part
See, that's where I'm confused with my current crush. He's been VERY up-front that he's into me, telling me such things as "I love everything about you", "I would love to meet you", "you're the sweetest", etc etc.
However, he's traveling at the moment, and I have barely heard from him in the past week. So should I assume he's not into me because I haven't heard from him, and if he was then he should be able to make time to talk to me as the article said? Or should I take him at his word that he is, but that he's busy because he's traveling? I know I'm horrible at keeping in contact with people when I'm out of the country...
(for the record, we live in different countries)
He's traveling, he made sure you knew he was traveling. It's acceptable for life to get spotty.
As relationships develop it's not uncommon for nonessential communication to die down a little.
Yeah, I know. I didn't get all curious and confused about it until I read that, and then I started to wonder...
I don't know your boyfriend/crush... I would see what happens when he returns... After all I have been thru I tend to lean more to actions speak louder than words, because I have been fed every line in the book BUT he is travelling so I can see how it could be spotty. See how it goes once he returns.0 -
I know we don't know each other and you don't know my dating history but.... Just when I think I've seen it all, I see one thing new. It's stressful to date sometimes but stay true to you... Put yourself first and maintain your life and it makes it easier. I have been seeing a guy for about 1.5 months now ( I met him in march but he travelled for 2 months) and while I have no idea what my future holds with him he makes my life peaceful, enjoyable and adds to it. I'm never left wondering -- does he likes me, what did that mean, I never over analyze or worry. I was unsure of him at first but chose to live in the moment and its worked extremely well for me. He seems fairly grounded too. That stuff ( stress worry over analyzing) isn't normal and IMO your gut telling you to move on. I have a Really good email I may send you thru MFP about 'I don't know' thoughts.
Good for you!!! Dating is hard but you can learn alot about yourself and grow tremendously!! But put yourself first.
That's great about your new guy! That's awesome! I will add you I have a hard time listening to my gut. I want to give 2nd chances, but then when they mess up it's like I reset the 2nd chance and rationalize it by thinking "Well, they screwed me over, but then they came through, now they're screwing me over again, so maybe they'll come through next time"? It's a warped and twisted way to think when I type it out like that but I always "feel bad" thinking the guy will be hurt when he really probably doesn't even give a crap in the first place! Ugh...
See that's the problem... it's a cycle... they screw you over, they make it up.. all is peachy... rinse and repeat.
Learned this the hard hard way... but at the end of the day I think it depends what their 'excuse' was and such. I am hungover is lame.. my mom is sick in the hospital is ok. You know? The men I gave 2nd chances too, ultimately needed 100 chances and I just don't play that game anymore.
That being said, I have been lucky to have had second chances myself.0 -
What I was trying to get at by posting the article was that if you must sit around and worry about the man's every word, say things like 'I don't get it' or 'oh he is just busy right now', etc. that you are missing the message that he just isn't that into you... that's what I took from the email.. I wasn't caught up on who asked who out, that's personal preference.
Eta: I realize you were just referencing the one quoted part
See, that's where I'm confused with my current crush. He's been VERY up-front that he's into me, telling me such things as "I love everything about you", "I would love to meet you", "you're the sweetest", etc etc.
However, he's traveling at the moment, and I have barely heard from him in the past week. So should I assume he's not into me because I haven't heard from him, and if he was then he should be able to make time to talk to me as the article said? Or should I take him at his word that he is, but that he's busy because he's traveling? I know I'm horrible at keeping in contact with people when I'm out of the country...
(for the record, we live in different countries)
He's traveling, he made sure you knew he was traveling. It's acceptable for life to get spotty.
As relationships develop it's not uncommon for nonessential communication to die down a little.
Yeah, I know. I didn't get all curious and confused about it until I read that, and then I started to wonder...
I don't know your boyfriend/crush... I would see what happens when he returns... After all I have been thru I tend to lean more to actions speak louder than words, because I have been fed every line in the book BUT he is travelling so I can see how it could be spotty. See how it goes once he returns.
We're supposed to be trying to meet up when he's in this area on his travels, but haven't heard anything concrete. He said he'd be upset if we didn't, but also that he's not the one planning this leg of the trip. It seems as if he's a bit frustrated by the up-in-the-air aspect of that as much as I am, but it's hard to tell since everything is so spotty right now. Oh well.
I've been led on so many times, only to have the guy change his mind when we meet, so I tend to be pessimistic as well.0 -
What I was trying to get at by posting the article was that if you must sit around and worry about the man's every word, say things like 'I don't get it' or 'oh he is just busy right now', etc. that you are missing the message that he just isn't that into you... that's what I took from the email.. I wasn't caught up on who asked who out, that's personal preference.
Eta: I realize you were just referencing the one quoted part
See, that's where I'm confused with my current crush. He's been VERY up-front that he's into me, telling me such things as "I love everything about you", "I would love to meet you", "you're the sweetest", etc etc.
However, he's traveling at the moment, and I have barely heard from him in the past week. So should I assume he's not into me because I haven't heard from him, and if he was then he should be able to make time to talk to me as the article said? Or should I take him at his word that he is, but that he's busy because he's traveling? I know I'm horrible at keeping in contact with people when I'm out of the country...
(for the record, we live in different countries)
He's traveling, he made sure you knew he was traveling. It's acceptable for life to get spotty.
As relationships develop it's not uncommon for nonessential communication to die down a little.
Yeah, I know. I didn't get all curious and confused about it until I read that, and then I started to wonder...
I don't know your boyfriend/crush... I would see what happens when he returns... After all I have been thru I tend to lean more to actions speak louder than words, because I have been fed every line in the book BUT he is travelling so I can see how it could be spotty. See how it goes once he returns.
We're supposed to be trying to meet up when he's in this area on his travels, but haven't heard anything concrete. He said he'd be upset if we didn't, but also that he's not the one planning this leg of the trip. It seems as if he's a bit frustrated by the up-in-the-air aspect of that as much as I am, but it's hard to tell since everything is so spotty right now. Oh well.
I've been led on so many times, only to have the guy change his mind when we meet, so I tend to be pessimistic as well.
OHH I didn't realize you didn't live in the same town! How far apart do you live?
Have you met in person yet or would this be the first time?0 -
What I was trying to get at by posting the article was that if you must sit around and worry about the man's every word, say things like 'I don't get it' or 'oh he is just busy right now', etc. that you are missing the message that he just isn't that into you... that's what I took from the email.. I wasn't caught up on who asked who out, that's personal preference.
Eta: I realize you were just referencing the one quoted part
See, that's where I'm confused with my current crush. He's been VERY up-front that he's into me, telling me such things as "I love everything about you", "I would love to meet you", "you're the sweetest", etc etc.
However, he's traveling at the moment, and I have barely heard from him in the past week. So should I assume he's not into me because I haven't heard from him, and if he was then he should be able to make time to talk to me as the article said? Or should I take him at his word that he is, but that he's busy because he's traveling? I know I'm horrible at keeping in contact with people when I'm out of the country...
(for the record, we live in different countries)
He's traveling, he made sure you knew he was traveling. It's acceptable for life to get spotty.
As relationships develop it's not uncommon for nonessential communication to die down a little.
Yeah, I know. I didn't get all curious and confused about it until I read that, and then I started to wonder...
I don't know your boyfriend/crush... I would see what happens when he returns... After all I have been thru I tend to lean more to actions speak louder than words, because I have been fed every line in the book BUT he is travelling so I can see how it could be spotty. See how it goes once he returns.
We're supposed to be trying to meet up when he's in this area on his travels, but haven't heard anything concrete. He said he'd be upset if we didn't, but also that he's not the one planning this leg of the trip. It seems as if he's a bit frustrated by the up-in-the-air aspect of that as much as I am, but it's hard to tell since everything is so spotty right now. Oh well.
I've been led on so many times, only to have the guy change his mind when we meet, so I tend to be pessimistic as well.
OHH I didn't realize you didn't live in the same town! How far apart do you live?
Have you met in person yet or would this be the first time?
I live in Virginia. He lives in Australia... This would be the first time meeting. I'm actually planning on going to Australia in August (was going to do it before I even met him), and he wants me to stay with him for part of it...
btw, prior to him leaving for his trip, we talked almost every day for about 3 months0 -
See that's the problem... it's a cycle... they screw you over, they make it up.. all is peachy... rinse and repeat.
Learned this the hard hard way... but at the end of the day I think it depends what their 'excuse' was and such. I am hungover is lame.. my mom is sick in the hospital is ok. You know? The men I gave 2nd chances too, ultimately needed 100 chances and I just don't play that game anymore.
That being said, I have been lucky to have had second chances myself.
I agree that it depends on the excuse...and I think this last guy knew it too. I think that's why he made the 2nd excuse more of an "emergency". He probably assumed since the first excuse was the first date, we hadn't even met yet so "no big deal", so the second time he had to up the ante a bit. I am also a pessimist and didn't believe the second "emergency' excuse anyway, so much so that I doubt I would even believe "my mom is in the hospital"! People come up with some ridiculous excuses--even my "friends" have done it to me--but it's like I can't be mad because what if it is true? and it's NEVER their fault. It's ALWAYS something completely "out of their control". I can't stand it. I'd much rather you tell me you just don't fell like it! Why is that so impossible?0 -
I agree 100% Kim!
Regarding this:- Don't help him to ask you out. You can
encourage him, but DON'T DO IT FOR HIM. Examples
of this: "I've got 2 free tickets to a concert."
Or, "Gee, I'd sure like to go out for a drink with
someone tonight. What a shame I've got nobody to
go with. (heavy pause.)" Or, "Why don't you ask me
out for coffee and we can get to know each other?"
- If he is interested in you, not only will he
do all the work, but he actually WANTS TO. I've
said it before and I'll say it again: men like to
pursue. They like to see if they can catch you. If
he wants you, he will try to get you. If he
doesn't, he won't. If you find yourself having to
do all the work, he's not interested in you.
This is interesting to read:
"I am saying they would LIKE it [men being asked out by a woman] but not that you SHOULD [ask a man out].
Most women say that they would LIKE a man who does whatever you want all day long; but they wouldn't respect him, because they'd know he was a pushover and that they could do better. They'd leave him after a week.
Men say they want women to approach, because it makes life easier for them. But in the end, they won't be able to respect themselves knowing that you had to do the work for them, and they will know in the back of their minds that if they just push through their fears of approaching, they could get a better girl. This is a bad foundation for a relationship."
- The Rules Revisited
........................
yeah. I guess all the success Jen and I have had is a total fluke. We're really just desperate losers and men don't respect us.
you know I was just thinking that......... Yeah must just have dumb luck kits0 -
Most women say that they would LIKE a man who does whatever you want all day long; but they wouldn't respect him, because they'd know he was a pushover and that they could do better. They'd leave him after a week.
Men say they want women to approach, because it makes life easier for them. But in the end, they won't be able to respect themselves knowing that you had to do the work for them, and they will know in the back of their minds that if they just push through their fears of approaching, they could get a better girl. This is a bad foundation for a relationship."
- The Rules Revisited
not sure who said what but this caught my eye because I've been finding this to be true more often than not lately0
