Is it better to poof?
Replies
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Yeah, this thing about "men not respecting women that approach them" is such a pile of crock.Most women say that they would LIKE a man who does whatever you want all day long; but they wouldn't respect him, because they'd know he was a pushover and that they could do better. They'd leave him after a week.
Men say they want women to approach, because it makes life easier for them. But in the end, they won't be able to respect themselves knowing that you had to do the work for them, and they will know in the back of their minds that if they just push through their fears of approaching, they could get a better girl. This is a bad foundation for a relationship."
- The Rules Revisited
not sure who said what but this caught my eye because I've been finding this to be true more often than not lately
Except for THE MANY MANY TIMES IT IS NOT.
yes because you have had all the experiences I have had lately. did you take the time to read my comment or do you always have to oppose everything that everyone says?
I said "I" have been finding this to be true LATELY. I never said all the time or by all men and women, did I?
I was talking about ME and MY experiences. Seriously kits you really need to chill sometimes!
ETA: I also opened my comment with "I'm not sure who said what" because I wasn't following the whole thread so I wasn't sure what discussions had already taken place. I thought this would prevent anyone from jumping down my throat.
Also, it implies that women who do that are less respectable, that women who approach men are less respected by men on average.
"Men say they want women to approach [...] but in the end, they won't be able to respect themselves knowing that you had to do the work for them, and they will know in the back of their minds that if they just push through their fears of approaching, they could get a better girl." This statement is so wrong. On so many levels.
I'm a man (I've just checked a minute ago) and I'm perfectly able to respect myself after a girl approached me. In fact it makes me feel hot and attractive. So it would rather boost my self confidence rather than lower it.
Also, and you will note that there is some reciprocity here with the "females" of the human species, it is not because you are approached by a woman (or a man if you are female) that you must "start a relationship" or "have sex with them" or whatever you are looking for.
When you are approached by someone, you still have the possibility to choose - to accept or refuse to continue seeing the person who approached you. I meet many people who are interested in "relationships" (in the broad sense of the term) and I sometimes turn them down (as many girls do I'm pretty sure)
What does this mean?
That if I accept to see a girl again, I chose her. And if I chose to see her again, it is because I am interested in her or at least am curious about her.
And also, I have no fear of approaching women, but... I still get approached. This statement doesn't even mean anything then (yes, I can get quality partners either by approaching or by getting approached, as long as I make the final decision).
Another one? Okay. Perhaps you have such a low "attractivity" or are such an uninteresting and ugly person that you think that the guy will only stay or leave you for this reason (who approached who), and that whatever you bring at a personal level (your humour, your intelligence, your beauty) won't matter.
No. It's all about the fact that YOU approached him and the man will lose self respect and leave you regardless of any of your qualities (okay... do you really believe that... I mean... really?).
And also I could go on about the use of the word "approach": what does it even mean? Initial approach? Later down the line? Calling from time to time?
And also about the fact that any man who thinks like what you described is a proper idiot (Oh I grant you, I'm sure somewhere there are guys who think like this: "Oh, she approached me... Hmm I could get a much better girl if I did the approaching myself! Hehehe!"), and that the scariest thing is that you care so much about those idiots that you are actually devising a strategy on how to best catch those idiotic men. Are you actually kidding me?
Let's input all the information that we have in the DIAGNOSTICOTRON 2000
* computes *
* bip *
DIAGNOSTICS:
DOES NOT COMPUTE
* explodes *
Anyway... If this is the only experience you have had with men lately, then my advice is to find quality partners.
F*cking thank you.0 -
And also I could go on about the use of the word "approach": what does it even mean? Initial approach? Later down the line?
I was the one who actually posted the quote but I am curious as well. I'm assuming it means the asking out itself, but who knows?
I can certainly see some men having unconscious thoughts like that. I don't think it's a conscious thought. But I can see some men not caring and going with it.
MAn I keep trying to stay away from this thread and i keep getting dragged back in.......
I'm an approacher I have no problem walking up to a guy and saying hide...... BTW guys this works great if you at the bar...Then I can just stand next to you while I order a drink and start a conversation.... OMG contact..that easily the guy feels hot cause a girl broke the "rules " and approached him..And it shows I'm confident and willing to make contact.... Have I been shot down yeah it happens big woop NEXT.........But I cant bet you guys this I have way more fun out then girls who are to timid to appraoch a guy... And yes I've dated and hooked up with guys I've approached.0 -
Saaaaaaaame here. I eventually texted him (SCREW IT! I don't care anymore!) and said "So I'm just never going to find out what happened am I?"I was poofed 3x by the same person. Very painful. I spose it was my fault for letting him back in a 2nd and 3rd time.
It still doesn't make the pain any less painful.
Im the kind of person that tells it like it is, so when this happened to me, I kinda lost it.
Still no response.
I'm over it. Really. I am.0 -
Saaaaaaaame here. I eventually texted him (SCREW IT! I don't care anymore!) and said "So I'm just never going to find out what happened am I?"I was poofed 3x by the same person. Very painful. I spose it was my fault for letting him back in a 2nd and 3rd time.
It still doesn't make the pain any less painful.
Im the kind of person that tells it like it is, so when this happened to me, I kinda lost it.
Still no response.
I'm over it. Really. I am.
I've gotten texts like that. I looked at them, rolled my eyes and kept doing whatever I was doing before.0 -
Saaaaaaaame here. I eventually texted him (SCREW IT! I don't care anymore!) and said "So I'm just never going to find out what happened am I?"I was poofed 3x by the same person. Very painful. I spose it was my fault for letting him back in a 2nd and 3rd time.
It still doesn't make the pain any less painful.
Im the kind of person that tells it like it is, so when this happened to me, I kinda lost it.
Still no response.
I'm over it. Really. I am.
I've gotten texts like that. I looked at them, rolled my eyes and kept doing whatever I was doing before.
Neat.0 -
Saaaaaaaame here. I eventually texted him (SCREW IT! I don't care anymore!) and said "So I'm just never going to find out what happened am I?"I was poofed 3x by the same person. Very painful. I spose it was my fault for letting him back in a 2nd and 3rd time.
It still doesn't make the pain any less painful.
Im the kind of person that tells it like it is, so when this happened to me, I kinda lost it.
Still no response.
I'm over it. Really. I am.
I've gotten texts like that. I looked at them, rolled my eyes and kept doing whatever I was doing before.
Neat.
Yeah it comes off even more needy than I thought the person was. Usually say to myself "Wow this person hasn't gotten the hint have they?"
Yes I have poofed on people before.0 -
Saaaaaaaame here. I eventually texted him (SCREW IT! I don't care anymore!) and said "So I'm just never going to find out what happened am I?"I was poofed 3x by the same person. Very painful. I spose it was my fault for letting him back in a 2nd and 3rd time.
It still doesn't make the pain any less painful.
Im the kind of person that tells it like it is, so when this happened to me, I kinda lost it.
Still no response.
I'm over it. Really. I am.
I've gotten texts like that. I looked at them, rolled my eyes and kept doing whatever I was doing before.
Neat.
Yeah it comes off even more needy than I thought the person was. Usually say to myself "Wow this person hasn't gotten the hint have they?"
Yes I have poofed on people before.
I'll at the very least say I'm not interested, unless something drastic happened with the person that would make it very clear that I'm not (i.e. leaving the date early/not finishing the date [which I've done] etc). I won't necessarily say why, but as covered earlier in the thread, it depends on a lot of factors. If I say I'm not interested and THEN someone is still persistent, then it's definitely not happening and at least for me personally, that warrants "poofing" from then on. 99% of the time I'll at least have the common courtesy to be honest and up-front about it instead of hiding from someone.0 -
Saaaaaaaame here. I eventually texted him (SCREW IT! I don't care anymore!) and said "So I'm just never going to find out what happened am I?"I was poofed 3x by the same person. Very painful. I spose it was my fault for letting him back in a 2nd and 3rd time.
It still doesn't make the pain any less painful.
Im the kind of person that tells it like it is, so when this happened to me, I kinda lost it.
Still no response.
I'm over it. Really. I am.
I've gotten texts like that. I looked at them, rolled my eyes and kept doing whatever I was doing before.
Neat.
Yeah it comes off even more needy than I thought the person was. Usually say to myself "Wow this person hasn't gotten the hint have they?"
Yes I have poofed on people before.
I'll at the very least say I'm not interested, unless something drastic happened with the person that would make it very clear that I'm not (i.e. leaving the date early/not finishing the date [which I've done] etc). I won't necessarily say why, but as covered earlier in the thread, it depends on a lot of factors. If I say I'm not interested and THEN someone is still persistent, then it's definitely not happening and at least for me personally, that warrants "poofing" from then on. 99% of the time I'll at least have the common courtesy to be honest and up-front about it instead of hiding from someone.
To you it is common courtesy but I would find it annoying is someone called and told me "It just wont work out for such and such reason." Actually I might take that as a challenge to prove them wrong. This is something that none of us will all agree on.0 -
Saaaaaaaame here. I eventually texted him (SCREW IT! I don't care anymore!) and said "So I'm just never going to find out what happened am I?"I was poofed 3x by the same person. Very painful. I spose it was my fault for letting him back in a 2nd and 3rd time.
It still doesn't make the pain any less painful.
Im the kind of person that tells it like it is, so when this happened to me, I kinda lost it.
Still no response.
I'm over it. Really. I am.
I've gotten texts like that. I looked at them, rolled my eyes and kept doing whatever I was doing before.
Neat.
Yeah it comes off even more needy than I thought the person was. Usually say to myself "Wow this person hasn't gotten the hint have they?"
Yes I have poofed on people before.
I'll at the very least say I'm not interested, unless something drastic happened with the person that would make it very clear that I'm not (i.e. leaving the date early/not finishing the date [which I've done] etc). I won't necessarily say why, but as covered earlier in the thread, it depends on a lot of factors. If I say I'm not interested and THEN someone is still persistent, then it's definitely not happening and at least for me personally, that warrants "poofing" from then on. 99% of the time I'll at least have the common courtesy to be honest and up-front about it instead of hiding from someone.
To you it is common courtesy but I would find it annoying is someone called and told me "It just wont work out for such and such reason." Actually I might take that as a challenge to prove them wrong. This is something that none of us will all agree on.
That's true on both points, that even if the person did call me and tell me a reason why that I would probably argue it, but if they simply stated they weren't interested I would accept and respect that (which happened to me before). It's the complete disappearance and blatant disregard that gets to me. But yeah...everyone is different and has their own opinion on this. Good insight though either way.0 -
Saaaaaaaame here. I eventually texted him (SCREW IT! I don't care anymore!) and said "So I'm just never going to find out what happened am I?"I was poofed 3x by the same person. Very painful. I spose it was my fault for letting him back in a 2nd and 3rd time.
It still doesn't make the pain any less painful.
Im the kind of person that tells it like it is, so when this happened to me, I kinda lost it.
Still no response.
I'm over it. Really. I am.
I've gotten texts like that. I looked at them, rolled my eyes and kept doing whatever I was doing before.
Neat.
Yeah it comes off even more needy than I thought the person was. Usually say to myself "Wow this person hasn't gotten the hint have they?"
Yes I have poofed on people before.
I'll at the very least say I'm not interested, unless something drastic happened with the person that would make it very clear that I'm not (i.e. leaving the date early/not finishing the date [which I've done] etc). I won't necessarily say why, but as covered earlier in the thread, it depends on a lot of factors. If I say I'm not interested and THEN someone is still persistent, then it's definitely not happening and at least for me personally, that warrants "poofing" from then on. 99% of the time I'll at least have the common courtesy to be honest and up-front about it instead of hiding from someone.
To you it is common courtesy but I would find it annoying is someone called and told me "It just wont work out for such and such reason." Actually I might take that as a challenge to prove them wrong. This is something that none of us will all agree on.
Pretty much this. I see the term "common courtesy" thrown out a lot - if it's so common how come it's such a divisive issue? Some people poof, thems the breaks yo0 -
Saaaaaaaame here. I eventually texted him (SCREW IT! I don't care anymore!) and said "So I'm just never going to find out what happened am I?"I was poofed 3x by the same person. Very painful. I spose it was my fault for letting him back in a 2nd and 3rd time.
It still doesn't make the pain any less painful.
Im the kind of person that tells it like it is, so when this happened to me, I kinda lost it.
Still no response.
I'm over it. Really. I am.
I've gotten texts like that. I looked at them, rolled my eyes and kept doing whatever I was doing before.
Neat.
Yeah it comes off even more needy than I thought the person was. Usually say to myself "Wow this person hasn't gotten the hint have they?"
Yes I have poofed on people before.
I'll at the very least say I'm not interested, unless something drastic happened with the person that would make it very clear that I'm not (i.e. leaving the date early/not finishing the date [which I've done] etc). I won't necessarily say why, but as covered earlier in the thread, it depends on a lot of factors. If I say I'm not interested and THEN someone is still persistent, then it's definitely not happening and at least for me personally, that warrants "poofing" from then on. 99% of the time I'll at least have the common courtesy to be honest and up-front about it instead of hiding from someone.
To you it is common courtesy but I would find it annoying is someone called and told me "It just wont work out for such and such reason." Actually I might take that as a challenge to prove them wrong. This is something that none of us will all agree on.
Pretty much this. I see the term "common courtesy" thrown out a lot - if it's so common how come it's such a divisive issue? Some people poof, thems the breaks yo
Ah, I should have said it "SHOULD" be common courtesy, but then common courtesy isn't very common anymore in the first place....as this thread has proved.0 -
Hey peeps...
Can we dial back the language a bit or maybe be a wee bit less heated? I got a report on this thread for language and "technically" substituting characters for $w3aR words is against global TOS...and I don't want to attract "real" mod attention to the group.
Thanks
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Wondering who is the anal cavity who did this...Hey peeps...
Can we dial back the language a bit or maybe be a wee bit less heated? I got a report on this thread for language and "technically" substituting characters for $w3aR words is against global TOS...and I don't want to attract "real" mod attention to the group.
Thanks0 -
Wondering who is the anal cavity who did this...Hey peeps...
Can we dial back the language a bit or maybe be a wee bit less heated? I got a report on this thread for language and "technically" substituting characters for $w3aR words is against global TOS...and I don't want to attract "real" mod attention to the group.
Thanks
That's super duper, top secret classified information and you don't have the clearance.
But seriously, Organic_Azure has a valid point. We are not a private fourm. We are a public forum and we can attract a "official" MFP mod if we break the TOS too many times which would just cause headaches for us and they could even shut down the group. I've seen it happen with other groups on MFP both public and private. 0 -
Wondering who is the anal cavity who did this...Hey peeps...
Can we dial back the language a bit or maybe be a wee bit less heated? I got a report on this thread for language and "technically" substituting characters for $w3aR words is against global TOS...and I don't want to attract "real" mod attention to the group.
Thanks
::resisting urge to point out the obvious::0 -
Wondering who is the anal cavity who did this...Hey peeps...
Can we dial back the language a bit or maybe be a wee bit less heated? I got a report on this thread for language and "technically" substituting characters for $w3aR words is against global TOS...and I don't want to attract "real" mod attention to the group.
Thanks
::resisting urge to point out the obvious::
Gee, I wonder.0 -
Hello kittens, it has been a while since I posted. Lots has happened! But let me just say...I used to be a big proponent of manners and not poofing etc. Mostly 'cause I am a people pleaser and also didn't like my ego being taken down a notch if and when it happened to me. But I have to say...I have kinda come around to the other side. Life can be too short, not everyone requires a conversation. Some people are just too annoying to want to deal with further. Not saying I want to poof...but I am not quite as critical of it as I was before...mostly as I realize not everyone views strangers and dating the way I do. In fact...those that poof are just saving me the time of learning they aren't the one for me.0
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Hello kittens, it has been a while since I posted. Lots has happened! But let me just say...I used to be a big proponent of manners and not poofing etc. Mostly 'cause I am a people pleaser and also didn't like my ego being taken down a notch if and when it happened to me. But I have to say...I have kinda come around to the other side. Life can be too short, not everyone requires a conversation. Some people are just too annoying to want to deal with further. Not saying I want to poof...but I am not quite as critical of it as I was before...mostly as I realize not everyone views strangers and dating the way I do. In fact...those that poof are just saving me the time of learning they aren't the one for me.
I HAVE MISSED YOU!!! So glad you're back
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Hello kittens, it has been a while since I posted. Lots has happened! But let me just say...I used to be a big proponent of manners and not poofing etc. Mostly 'cause I am a people pleaser and also didn't like my ego being taken down a notch if and when it happened to me. But I have to say...I have kinda come around to the other side. Life can be too short, not everyone requires a conversation. Some people are just too annoying to want to deal with further. Not saying I want to poof...but I am not quite as critical of it as I was before...mostly as I realize not everyone views strangers and dating the way I do. In fact...those that poof are just saving me the time of learning they aren't the one for me.
that's a good point. sometimes when people poof, I just see it as them saving me time in the long run. it kinda depends on how long u've been talking and how much u like that person. if u really like them, then it really sucks. lol0 -
Life can be too short, not everyone requires a conversation. Some people are just too annoying to want to deal with further. Not saying I want to poof
Very true, but again I think it depends on the circumstances. i.e. How many dates, the connection, how long you've been talking, etc. I'm anti-poofing in general, but I'm seriously about to poof myself on someone I haven't met yet. Only exchanged less than 10 messages through a dating site over the last few days, no phone conversations yet...I think that's an understandable poof-situation. Again, everyone is different and there seems to be a great divide in this topic.In fact...those that poof are just saving me the time of learning they aren't the one for me.
Definitely also true, even though it's a hard pill to swallow...I still just want an explanation though. Ugh. :grumble: /overit0 -
What the fark? And some people wonder why they're still single. If you get offended by a swear word, STEP AWAY FROM THE INTERNET.
Wondering who is the anal cavity who did this...Hey peeps...
Can we dial back the language a bit or maybe be a wee bit less heated? I got a report on this thread for language and "technically" substituting characters for $w3aR words is against global TOS...and I don't want to attract "real" mod attention to the group.
Thanks0
