Men and sexual comments or innuendos
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I'm in an odd mood today, so I'm actually going to ask the question that just popped into my head. Be forewarned, it's going into X-rated territory.
In my observations, men tend to be turned on by women who take objects up their *kitten*. Why is a 'stick' a bad thing?
For that matter, why does 'suck' have such a negative connotation?
... these are the unanswered questions that sit in the back of my mind for weeks at a time.
I think Kits answered the stick thing pretty well. As far as suck I've also thought "Why don't you suck my d*ck?" was an odd insult. I spend more time pleading for that than anything else. The other thing that never made since was for slut or *kitten* to have a negative connotation. I really think those qualities should be encouraged and applauded!0 -
Just wanna point out that not EVERY guy does this. I know lots of women in this forum would love that spiciness, but I don't want a woman isn't comfortable with that kind of thing early on to feel like she has no choice.
LOTS of guys do it, sure, but right away I can think of several guys I've written in this forum about who didn't bring up sexual comments or innuendos:
Typo... I meant to write "several guys I've written ABOUT in this forum about who didn't bring up sexual comments or innuendos"0 -
but before meeting someone it just smacks of desperation and only being after 1 thing. If thats all you're looking for, cool - but I can't imagine pursuing anything remotely serious with someone who does this that soon. You KNOW they are doing it with everyone too, gross.
THISSSS. I can't stand it. I have unfortunately succumbed to online dating, and it's CONSTANT. I dont' care if we've been "chatting" or texting for weeks, that's not something I appreciate until AT LEAST after the first date. And even that's risky, because then it says "Oh we got the first date out of the way so now I can revert back to my actual perverted ways." Nope, just shows how you really are. Next!0 -
To be honest if he wasn't perverted we wouldn't be a good match lol0
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^^ Honestly I was thinking exactly the same thing!
I want to know early on what potential there is...and so engaging in sexual flirtation is actually a turn on for me. The key for me is that it has to be seductive, intelligent and respectful (at the start anyway). Someone who has an amazing way with words or compliments who doesn't show all his cards at once keeps me very interested. It is a bit of a dance..and I enjoy being wanted and desired, even by strangers, even on a purely sexual level.
Compliments or even being called sex kitten (which I would laugh at actually) is flattering and emphasizes my feelings of femininity and being a sexual individual. I never feel I lack control in situations with men...so it doesn't really upset or throw me. I do have my own level of what I consider to be respectful, but it is hard to describe in writing really.
The person I am currently seeing has absolutely gotten it right!0 -
I wonder if there is any correlation between how women scored on the body self assessment study and their opinions about sexual innuendo or comments.0
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I wonder if there is any correlation between how women scored on the body self assessment study and their opinions about sexual innuendo or comments.
Well i think I scored a 12 or 13 which should that I am mostly comfortable with my body ....... But I'm a dirty minded little perv which probably has more to do with it lol0 -
I wonder if there is any correlation between how women scored on the body self assessment study and their opinions about sexual innuendo or comments.
Well i think I scored a 12 or 13 which should that I am mostly comfortable with my body ....... But I'm a dirty minded little perv which probably has more to do with it lol
I'd imagine that there is some correlation (I don't know how high) between how a woman thinks about her own body and how she feels about men making sexual comments to her. If a woman thinks her body is disgusting, I imagine there is a higher chance that she would be repulsed by a man who was interested in her body.0 -
I wonder if there is any correlation between how women scored on the body self assessment study and their opinions about sexual innuendo or comments.
Good question. You'd think there would be correlation. I actually scored a 28 or 29.. which doesn't make me all that comfortable with my body apparently. However.. I have a weird thing about committing strongly to quizzes..I always generally pick somewhere in the middle as opposed to an "always" or "never" category.
And truthfully, Jen's right. Being highly sexual and seriously dirty minded probably doesn't hurt.0 -
I wonder if there is any correlation between how women scored on the body self assessment study and their opinions about sexual innuendo or comments.
Good question. You'd think there would be correlation. I actually scored a 28 or 29.. which doesn't make me all that comfortable with my body apparently. However.. I have a weird thing about committing strongly to quizzes..I always generally pick somewhere in the middle as opposed to an "always" or "never" category.
And truthfully, Jen's right. Being highly sexual and seriously dirty minded probably doesn't hurt.
But again, would you be highly sexual if you were in the body dysmorphic category? Or would you be more likely to avoid sex because you weren't comfortable with someone else seeing you naked, exploring your body, etc? The flip side is that it may also be possible that being more sexual has created a better body image than you otherwse would have because there are at least some aspects of how you perceive others think of your body which bring confidence to you.0 -
I wonder if there is any correlation between how women scored on the body self assessment study and their opinions about sexual innuendo or comments.
Good question. You'd think there would be correlation. I actually scored a 28 or 29.. which doesn't make me all that comfortable with my body apparently. However.. I have a weird thing about committing strongly to quizzes..I always generally pick somewhere in the middle as opposed to an "always" or "never" category.
And truthfully, Jen's right. Being highly sexual and seriously dirty minded probably doesn't hurt.
But again, would you be highly sexual if you were in the body dysmorphic category? Or would you be more likely to avoid sex because you weren't comfortable with someone else seeing you naked, exploring your body, etc? The flip side is that it may also be possible that being more sexual has created a better body image than you otherwse would have because there are at least some aspects of how you perceive others think of your body which bring confidence to you.
Well even when I was my biggest and wearing a size 20w I was still a dirty perv lol.... I didnt mind sexual comments then either though lets be honest I didn't get near as many as I do now lol0 -
For me, it comes down to the difference between something witty and a bit blue or just plain crass and not clever at all. More importantly, timing comes into it. Not a certain amount of time, but if we're having an easy-flowing, bantering conversation, and we're both clearly comfortable, a little cunning innuendo is fine - I'll probably rejoin with some myself. If we're only just getting to know each other and still at the fairly-stilted stage of conversation, that is not the time, no matter how clever or witty your innuendo is, and even less-so for something crass - either is almost guaranteed to make me uncomfortable at that stage and shut down the conversation. Seems pretty obvious to me - not sure why this would be difficult to judge?0
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But again, would you be highly sexual if you were in the body dysmorphic category? Or would you be more likely to avoid sex because you weren't comfortable with someone else seeing you naked, exploring your body, etc? The flip side is that it may also be possible that being more sexual has created a better body image than you otherwse would have because there are at least some aspects of how you perceive others think of your body which bring confidence to you.
Yeah..no chance I have ever or probably will ever avoid sex. I don't actually hate my body near as much as I think I thought others did. Now perhaps walking around naked in a brightly lit room might have given me some pause in past.. but honestly, the men I've been with have never been remotely as critical of my body as I could be. I will say at my biggest..probably a size 24, I felt much less like getting naked and much more shame..but now at about a 16..that has changed a great deal.
I look forward to a time when sexual comments are a bother.. to be honest I'm still surprised and flattered when I get them.0 -
I wonder if there is any correlation between how women scored on the body self assessment study and their opinions about sexual innuendo or comments.
Good question. You'd think there would be correlation. I actually scored a 28 or 29.. which doesn't make me all that comfortable with my body apparently. However.. I have a weird thing about committing strongly to quizzes..I always generally pick somewhere in the middle as opposed to an "always" or "never" category.
And truthfully, Jen's right. Being highly sexual and seriously dirty minded probably doesn't hurt.
But again, would you be highly sexual if you were in the body dysmorphic category? Or would you be more likely to avoid sex because you weren't comfortable with someone else seeing you naked, exploring your body, etc? The flip side is that it may also be possible that being more sexual has created a better body image than you otherwse would have because there are at least some aspects of how you perceive others think of your body which bring confidence to you.
Hmmm! I'm not trying to rock the boat, but I dont think body image has much to do with sexual desire. As Jen just pointed out, my sex drive is pretty equal at whatever weight I am! And I dont think sexual desire has much to do with being turned off by a guy that has no boundaries either. I might want sex desperately, but if a guy says something to make me cringe, then I'll just go off him!
This is all very subjective. It can get very disrespectful. To what degree does a woman get turned on or off by sexual comments, has every bit to do with the sexual content and context itself, and how she feels about the guy!
Some guys on the internet are just way over the top! Way too soon!! It's like the ONLY thing they want to know about you is if you spit or swallow ! Hardly stable grounding for a loving relationship.....lol
I dont think anything you guys have said here even begins to sum up how distasteful it can get.
As they say, romance is dead. I think that's the point. It's like straight in for the kill these days, forget the niceties of love and affection, I wanna lick you dry!! End!! :laugh:0 -
I think the points are good and there may be no correlation at all. One thing to point out though is that self image test has a little to do with your weight but it is entirely possible to be morbidly obese and have a lower score than another person that has a low body fat percentage. I took the test to measure your view of your own body and how you perceived others to view your body. Not as how you actuallly looked to others. I can anticipate where someone who doesn't like their body (who is a size 6) could be more offended by a comment about how they look than another person who is a size 12 but who is more comfortable with her body.
In some ways, this is a variation of the confidence is sexy argument. My thought was more along the lines of if you are confident in yourself and your looks, you may be more receptive to sexual advances than if you are not. Obviously, the nature of the comments matters. Some things are going to be considered rude and over the top by almost every one whereas some comments may be seen as clever and witty if you are more comfortable with who you are but still be considered offensive if you are less comfortable with who you are and how you look.0 -
I agree. ^^0
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I think the points are good and there may be no correlation at all. One thing to point out though is that self image test has a little to do with your weight but it is entirely possible to be morbidly obese and have a lower score than another person that has a low body fat percentage. I took the test to measure your view of your own body and how you perceived others to view your body. Not as how you actuallly looked to others. I can anticipate where someone who doesn't like their body (who is a size 6) could be more offended by a comment about how they look than another person who is a size 12 but who is more comfortable with her body.
In some ways, this is a variation of the confidence is sexy argument. My thought was more along the lines of if you are confident in yourself and your looks, you may be more receptive to sexual advances than if you are not. Obviously, the nature of the comments matters. Some things are going to be considered rude and over the top by almost every one whereas some comments may be seen as clever and witty if you are more comfortable with who you are but still be considered offensive if you are less comfortable with who you are and how you look.
Actually, it might have the opposite effect. If a guy is showing sexual interest in you and you have low self esteem, it might build confidence and encourage you to go for the ride!! I do feel that men wouldnt do it if women weren't accepting it, so *shrug*
But, as I said, there are degrees. Flirting around pork chops is cute. Sending your junk pic to a girl when you haven't even asked her name yet, isn't!
Like I said, one has nothing to do with the other in my world. If a guy is being grossly disrespectful, I get turned off regardless of how horny I am or how high/low my confidence levels are.0 -
I think the points are good and there may be no correlation at all. One thing to point out though is that self image test has a little to do with your weight but it is entirely possible to be morbidly obese and have a lower score than another person that has a low body fat percentage. I took the test to measure your view of your own body and how you perceived others to view your body. Not as how you actuallly looked to others. I can anticipate where someone who doesn't like their body (who is a size 6) could be more offended by a comment about how they look than another person who is a size 12 but who is more comfortable with her body.
In some ways, this is a variation of the confidence is sexy argument. My thought was more along the lines of if you are confident in yourself and your looks, you may be more receptive to sexual advances than if you are not. Obviously, the nature of the comments matters. Some things are going to be considered rude and over the top by almost every one whereas some comments may be seen as clever and witty if you are more comfortable with who you are but still be considered offensive if you are less comfortable with who you are and how you look.
It makes sense that self esteem might correlate in some way with how receptive a woman is to sexually suggestive stuff in the early stages of knowing someone, but I'd maybe argue that it could go the other way, too. I think that when people perceive themselves to be "low value" they'll put up with behavior that that people with higher self esteem wouldn't. "I suck, but this guy is telling me that he wants to....I guess I'll play along/go out with him because nobody else likes me" I've definitely seen girls with low self esteem targeted this way- easy prey especially for guys who want to use sexual talk to establish some kind of dominance early on.
But this is totally different when the balance of power is more less equal between the people in the conversation, and it's a mutual exchange. Personally, I'm super open to this so I can figure out where someone is coming from.0 -
I wonder if there is any correlation between how women scored on the body self assessment study and their opinions about sexual innuendo or comments.
Well i think I scored a 12 or 13 which should that I am mostly comfortable with my body ....... But I'm a dirty minded little perv which probably has more to do with it lol
I'd imagine that there is some correlation (I don't know how high) between how a woman thinks about her own body and how she feels about men making sexual comments to her. If a woman thinks her body is disgusting, I imagine there is a higher chance that she would be repulsed by a man who was interested in her body.
I scored a 15. I think i have a great shape (just wish it were smaller) but I only like sexual-flavor comments when they come from someone beyond the 3-5 date state where it's starting to look more like a relationship. And even then, I don't like things to get too detailed until we're exclusive. I know I'm an outlier on this one. BB and I talk quite a bit about sexual stuff (I actually bring up more innuendo than he does) but it's in proper relationship context.
I agree with the folks who said there is no right answer- the right one for you will give/take the right amount of innuendo for you.I'd maybe argue that it could go the other way, too. I think that when people perceive themselves to be "low value" they'll put up with behavior that that people with higher self esteem wouldn't.
This too0 -
Sending your junk pic to a girl when you haven't even asked her name yet, isn't!
I've seen/heard a lot being online, but I have never ever received a 'junk' pic, I must have scored a 50+.. waaa am I not worthy? bahahahahaha0 -
I guess the acceptance of sexual comments or innuendos is correlated with an individual's comfort level with sex itself and its perceived importance in a relationship. I personally see sex as an additional bonus to a great emotional relationship. With dating I'm generally turned off to men who go straight to the sexual stuff with me because I don't want to feel like an object. I want to be liked for my looks, brains, and my qualities in additional to my ability to provide sexual gratification to a man. When a man basically make sexual comments on the first 1-3 dates I practically deduce they are looking for sex and I'm wasting time with them. It also demonstrates poor social skills to me, but maybe I am just a prude!0
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Having seen this scenario play out numerous times, I agree with you.I think the points are good and there may be no correlation at all. One thing to point out though is that self image test has a little to do with your weight but it is entirely possible to be morbidly obese and have a lower score than another person that has a low body fat percentage. I took the test to measure your view of your own body and how you perceived others to view your body. Not as how you actuallly looked to others. I can anticipate where someone who doesn't like their body (who is a size 6) could be more offended by a comment about how they look than another person who is a size 12 but who is more comfortable with her body.
In some ways, this is a variation of the confidence is sexy argument. My thought was more along the lines of if you are confident in yourself and your looks, you may be more receptive to sexual advances than if you are not. Obviously, the nature of the comments matters. Some things are going to be considered rude and over the top by almost every one whereas some comments may be seen as clever and witty if you are more comfortable with who you are but still be considered offensive if you are less comfortable with who you are and how you look.
It makes sense that self esteem might correlate in some way with how receptive a woman is to sexually suggestive stuff in the early stages of knowing someone, but I'd maybe argue that it could go the other way, too. I think that when people perceive themselves to be "low value" they'll put up with behavior that that people with higher self esteem wouldn't. "I suck, but this guy is telling me that he wants to....I guess I'll play along/go out with him because nobody else likes me" I've definitely seen girls with low self esteem targeted this way- easy prey especially for guys who want to use sexual talk to establish some kind of dominance early on.It also demonstrates poor social skills to me
I also agree with this. Poor social skills, and a dire lack of imagination if you can't think of another way to have a conversation!0 -
yeah, I'm the girl ruining it for you all XD I don't have a problem with any of those things. In fact the only one that downright turned me off is when a guy just up and said, "I want to bang you in your bed" because that is so unimaginative and boring. If you're gonna flirt you can be obvious but at least be interesting. Funny or creative... Something.
LMBO....at work mind you!!0 -
I guess the acceptance of sexual comments or innuendos is correlated with an individual's comfort level with sex itself and its perceived importance in a relationship. I personally see sex as an additional bonus to a great emotional relationship. With dating I'm generally turned off to men who go straight to the sexual stuff with me because I don't want to feel like an object. I want to be liked for my looks, brains, and my qualities in additional to my ability to provide sexual gratification to a man. When a man basically make sexual comments on the first 1-3 dates I practically deduce they are looking for sex and I'm wasting time with them. It also demonstrates poor social skills to me, but maybe I am just a prude!
^^This....I am by no means a prude and I certainly enjoy flirtation and buck wild sex, but comments and innuendos before we even meet to establish physical attraction is a little much.0 -
Guys, it's pointless trying to reason with the female mind. If you don't flirt or make any sexual innuendos they will friendzone you, assume there is no chemistry, you're gay, or you just aren't attracted to them. If you do they are all like "OMG YOU PIG!!!" even though they secretly like it but don't want to feel like a slut, so they panic.
It's pretty much the same reason they wear shirts that show their cleavage but get all bent out of shape when we actually look.0 -
Guys, it's pointless trying to reason with the female mind. If you don't flirt or make any sexual innuendos they will friendzone you, assume there is no chemistry, you're gay, or you just aren't attracted to them. If you do they are all like "OMG YOU PIG!!!" even though they secretly like it but don't want to feel like a slut, so they panic.
It's pretty much the same reason they wear shirts that show their cleavage but get all bent out of shape when we actually look.
I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with that. Not all women have that Madonna/*kitten* complex.
And if I wear a low cut shirt, feel free to comment. If I don't want people to look at them, I'll cover them up.
Also, saying that you can't reason with the female mind is really condescending. Women are as capable of understanding reason as men are.0 -
Guys, it's pointless trying to reason with the female mind. If you don't flirt or make any sexual innuendos they will friendzone you, assume there is no chemistry, you're gay, or you just aren't attracted to them. If you do they are all like "OMG YOU PIG!!!" even though they secretly like it but don't want to feel like a slut, so they panic.
It's pretty much the same reason they wear shirts that show their cleavage but get all bent out of shape when we actually look.
lol most of us dont actually get bent out of shape if you look...In fact I used to have a cleavage shirt that had 2 arrows pointing to my boobs..... Personally I think you should enjoy the view.... Why not I enjoy the veiw when I guy has a nice set of shoulders and arms or a nice butt .....0 -
Guys, it's pointless trying to reason with the female mind. If you don't flirt or make any sexual innuendos they will friendzone you, assume there is no chemistry, you're gay, or you just aren't attracted to them. If you do they are all like "OMG YOU PIG!!!" even though they secretly like it but don't want to feel like a slut, so they panic.
It's pretty much the same reason they wear shirts that show their cleavage but get all bent out of shape when we actually look.
lol most of us dont actually get bent out of shape if you look...In fact I used to have a cleavage shirt that had 2 arrows pointing to my boobs..... Personally I think you should enjoy the view.... Why not I enjoy the veiw when I guy has a nice set of shoulders and arms or a nice butt .....
If I wear a low cut shirt I want you to look. Why do you think we have boobie friday?0 -
I was really just joking but there is still some truth to that with some of the women I've known.Guys, it's pointless trying to reason with the female mind. If you don't flirt or make any sexual innuendos they will friendzone you, assume there is no chemistry, you're gay, or you just aren't attracted to them. If you do they are all like "OMG YOU PIG!!!" even though they secretly like it but don't want to feel like a slut, so they panic.
It's pretty much the same reason they wear shirts that show their cleavage but get all bent out of shape when we actually look.
I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with that. Not all women have that Madonna/*kitten* complex.
And if I wear a low cut shirt, feel free to comment. If I don't want people to look at them, I'll cover them up.
Also, saying that you can't reason with the female mind is really condescending. Women are as capable of understanding reason as men are.0 -
Oh, I do! It seems like all day on Fridays I can hear a women's voice in the back of my head saying "MY EYES ARE UP HERE!!!"Guys, it's pointless trying to reason with the female mind. If you don't flirt or make any sexual innuendos they will friendzone you, assume there is no chemistry, you're gay, or you just aren't attracted to them. If you do they are all like "OMG YOU PIG!!!" even though they secretly like it but don't want to feel like a slut, so they panic.
It's pretty much the same reason they wear shirts that show their cleavage but get all bent out of shape when we actually look.
lol most of us dont actually get bent out of shape if you look...In fact I used to have a cleavage shirt that had 2 arrows pointing to my boobs..... Personally I think you should enjoy the view.... Why not I enjoy the veiw when I guy has a nice set of shoulders and arms or a nice butt .....
If I wear a low cut shirt I want you to look. Why do you think we have boobie friday?0
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