How do I stop over-analyzing it!!
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I'm an overanalyzer for sure.
Here is what's helped me.
I realized that what I was doing wasn't beneficial to me. I was ****ing things up with the guys when that's not what I wanted to do. It was self sabotaging of some sort. I just realize it didn't help me at all. So though my mind will fall into it, I work very hard against it. I truly rather "go with the flow". I think this menality has helped me with my current bf.
Also, I don't claim to know it all and I do understand that not all men are exactly the same but if you could try to grasp and try to understand men, it would help. Men are NOT that complicated. I'll give you an example. BF and I argued one time. I was soooo worried and overanalyzed everything for a week. I was scared he was going to dump me, I was mad, I was sad, etc. I went over to his place and see him playing video games like nothing. It clicked in my head that while I'm over there overanalyzing, crazy, etc, he's just like nothing. Yeah he was pissed but that was all. He wasn't there thinking and thinking about the arguement like I was. Blah!
Anyway, I don't think it'll go away but I think you can reduce it to where it isn't running your life.
^this. its funny how much you can mess with your own head while the guy spends about 0.5 seconds analyzing anything. you tend to work yourself up over nothing. I also am working on this
good advice tube socks.
p.s. did u make it down to nola after all?0 -
One simple truth.
Guys don't tell you things you need to read into or figure out.
We do that.
They don't.
If they tell you what they want - just reread it or ask them to repeat themselves and it's all the analyzing you need.
Unless - it was an emotionally charged conversation.
Then you need to consider what you know about him and what he's taught you about himself through his behavior and if that still doesn't help - just ask him. They much prefer when you ask them cause you're unsure, than if you obsess over him and guess wrong because you thought about it too long and your own past experiences and hangups started to color the situation.0 -
I'm an overanalyzer for sure.
Here is what's helped me.
I realized that what I was doing wasn't beneficial to me. I was ****ing things up with the guys when that's not what I wanted to do. It was self sabotaging of some sort. I just realize it didn't help me at all. So though my mind will fall into it, I work very hard against it. I truly rather "go with the flow". I think this menality has helped me with my current bf.
Also, I don't claim to know it all and I do understand that not all men are exactly the same but if you could try to grasp and try to understand men, it would help. Men are NOT that complicated. I'll give you an example. BF and I argued one time. I was soooo worried and overanalyzed everything for a week. I was scared he was going to dump me, I was mad, I was sad, etc. I went over to his place and see him playing video games like nothing. It clicked in my head that while I'm over there overanalyzing, crazy, etc, he's just like nothing. Yeah he was pissed but that was all. He wasn't there thinking and thinking about the arguement like I was. Blah!
Anyway, I don't think it'll go away but I think you can reduce it to where it isn't running your life.
^this. its funny how much you can mess with your own head while the guy spends about 0.5 seconds analyzing anything. you tend to work yourself up over nothing. I also am working on this
good advice tube socks.
p.s. did u make it down to nola after all?
Yup and had an awesome time!! I can't wait to go back... We rented a house, gambled, drank and ate waaaaaay too much. Bf and I totally passed our 1st trip together too. Haha0 -
Well today is the day.0
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This is my downfall. I'm not quite sure how I ever actually managed to get in a relationship (divorced and a couple of long terms) before because I study every little thing the guy does trying to get in his head and figure out what is going on in there.
I know it annoys the guy.
Hell, it annoys me.
But I just can't seem to stop myself. Thoughts? Suggestions?
just remember this...
when it comes to relationships and motivations, men are playing a game of checkers.
when it comes to relationships and motivations, women are playing a game of chess.
same playing board and similar pieces, but vastly different rules.
this is almost always true. there are some exceptions of course, but for the most part this simple analogy holds. we (i.e., men) rarely are thinking 3-4 moves in advance, or contemplating all of our possible options and determining their probable outcomes before acting. to figure us out, the simplest answer is usually the correct one.
so if you (i.e., women) try to figure us out by applying the rules of chess to a checkers game, you are going to get frustrated. the same applies in reverse for men trying to figure out women.0 -
The best thing that ever happened to me when I became single again is I stopped caring about my future WITH someone. I don't care if it's a one-nighter. I don't care if it will only last 3 months. I don't care if it lasts my lifetime. I just try to enjoy the time I spend with someone, whatever that encompasses, for however long that is. I also enjoy the time when I'm not seeing anyone. My overly-analytic thoughts are mostly reserved for global problems which I can likely do nothing about, but I stress figuring out ways I can try.
I hope you find a place inside yourself where you can relax and take this easier. I don't know how to tell you to get there, but you will. I guess my above sharing is sort of advice to find other things to wrap your mind about.0 -
The best thing that ever happened to me when I became single again is I stopped caring about my future WITH someone. I don't care if it's a one-nighter. I don't care if it will only last 3 months. I don't care if it lasts my lifetime. I just try to enjoy the time I spend with someone, whatever that encompasses, for however long that is. I also enjoy the time when I'm not seeing anyone. My overly-analytic thoughts are mostly reserved for global problems which I can likely do nothing about, but I stress figuring out ways I can try.
I hope you find a place inside yourself where you can relax and take this easier. I don't know how to tell you to get there, but you will. I guess my above sharing is sort of advice to find other things to wrap your mind about.
That is pretty much the place that I am in. It's just that old feelings for this guy re-surface easily. I'll be okay. Things will be what they be and if they aren't what I want them to be, then I'll just look elsewhere.0 -
The best thing that ever happened to me when I became single again is I stopped caring about my future WITH someone. I don't care if it's a one-nighter. I don't care if it will only last 3 months. I don't care if it lasts my lifetime. I just try to enjoy the time I spend with someone, whatever that encompasses, for however long that is. I also enjoy the time when I'm not seeing anyone. My overly-analytic thoughts are mostly reserved for global problems which I can likely do nothing about, but I stress figuring out ways I can try.
I hope you find a place inside yourself where you can relax and take this easier. I don't know how to tell you to get there, but you will. I guess my above sharing is sort of advice to find other things to wrap your mind about.
Agree 100% with this.
Focus on the now and don't be worried about what this person may or may not be in the future. Way too much pressure especially this early. Relax, enjoy, and have fun.0 -
Well it looks like it's going to be a booty-call. I'm okay with that. Needed a new FWB anyway. At least, there will finally be some fulfillment for all these years of sexual tension.
Thanks for the help all. I finally know what he really wants. No more analyzing required.0 -
oops sorry! I responded to the original post and didnt get the follow up story!
YAY SEX!!!!!!!!!!0 -
YAY SEX!!!!!!!!!!
:bigsmile:0 -
Congrats.
I find that people are really black and white. If a guy likes you, he'll call you. If a woman likes you, she'll call you.0 -
I find that people are really black and white. If a guy likes you, he'll call you. If a woman likes you, she'll call you.
I'll politely disagree. If it's someone I know, or know of, I'll spend a lot of time trying to figure out if the attraction is mutual. I don't want to make things awkward if it's not. If I'm pretty certain he's interested I'll send an email or text. Once we get talking outside of our common activity (baseball, church, etc), I'll make it pretty easy for him to ask me out.... "Have you tried such and such restaurant; I've been dying to see this movie; etc." If I'm getting a good vibe and he's still not picking up the hints, I'll ask him out.
ETA - It takes me weeks to months to feel comfortable enough to ask him out. So, that's why I said I disagree with it.0 -
I find that people are really black and white. If a guy likes you, he'll call you. If a woman likes you, she'll call you.
I'll politely disagree. If it's someone I know, or know of, I'll spend a lot of time trying to figure out if the attraction is mutual. I don't want to make things awkward if it's not. If I'm pretty certain he's interested I'll send an email or text. Once we get talking outside of our common activity (baseball, church, etc), I'll make it pretty easy for him to ask me out.... "Have you tried such and such restaurant; I've been dying to see this movie; etc." If I'm getting a good vibe and he's still not picking up the hints, I'll ask him out.
ETA - It takes me weeks to months to feel comfortable enough to ask him out. So, that's why I said I disagree with it.
I was referring to after making the dating connection. 0 -
I'll make it pretty easy for him to ask me out.... "Have you tried such and such restaurant; I've been dying to see this movie; etc." If I'm getting a good vibe and he's still not picking up the hints, I'll ask him out.
that's pretty obvious . .if all guys were that lucky!0 -
I was referring to after making the dating connection.
Gotcha.... sick over here and in need of coffee. My reading comprehension skills are lacking to say the least. 0 -
Congrats.
I find that people are really black and white. If a guy likes you, he'll call you. If a woman likes you, she'll call you.
For me, I don't make contact after the first date has happened. I let him initiate. I am not sure if this has made me miss out on some guys I had interest in, but it just works best for me.0 -
The best thing that ever happened to me when I became single again is I stopped caring about my future WITH someone. I don't care if it's a one-nighter. I don't care if it will only last 3 months. I don't care if it lasts my lifetime. I just try to enjoy the time I spend with someone, whatever that encompasses, for however long that is. I also enjoy the time when I'm not seeing anyone. My overly-analytic thoughts are mostly reserved for global problems which I can likely do nothing about, but I stress figuring out ways I can try.
I hope you find a place inside yourself where you can relax and take this easier. I don't know how to tell you to get there, but you will. I guess my above sharing is sort of advice to find other things to wrap your mind about.
I am also trying to do this myself!!! And when I start to think too much I take a moment to realize if my gut is screaming at me (ie red flag) or I need to calm the *kitten* down... lately it's been my gut.. but great advice 0 -
Okay... UPDATE.
I have moved from friend-zone status to FWB status. Once it was discussed, I already knew the answer. He is not emotionally available because of the torch he still carries for his ex-wife. He actually brought up the possibility of talking to a therapist and trying to work through his feelings so... who knows.
It is what it is and I can take it or leave it. But don't worry folks, I am seeing someone else so it's not like I've dropped all my eggs in this one basket. I'm a little sad about it. But I will be okay. First and foremost, he is my friend, and he is hurting, and I want to see him get better.0
