Why online dating does not benefit men right there! Women are overwhelmed with messages, many of which are inappropriate. How's a good guy going to break through that clutter?

Um, by not sending pics of your junk and and trying to actually establish a rapport with the woman first? Sounds like you're already in the top 1% if you can manage that... :-)

My issue with on-line dating is that it's a huge time waster. You have to meet someone before you can draw any conclusions. This usually becomes a major affair trying to arrange schedules. Then, after the brief, initial meeting (assuming it went fairly well), you can find yourself on additional dates over the next few weeks/months trying to figure out if this can work.

With analog dating, you can do a lot of this filtering before you even ask the woman out. This saves you a month of coffee, lunches, dinners, and awkward discussions about why her feelings are unrequited (or vice versa).

--P

Online dating = window shopping for a "date" guy/girl/partner etc.....

It is an online meat market, if you do not fit in the exact parameters of what they want, YOU'RE OUT. There's plenty more to look at.

IT DOES NOT MATTER IF YOU PAY FOR IT OR NOT, The same guys (and I assume girls) are on all the sites.... if they are on a paid site, you just know they have money to blow.....You can occasionally meet someone decent, no matter if you pay bookoo bucks or if it's free.

I try not to take online dating sites overly serious, and I have recently made a point to only check it periodically 2-3 times a week so that I don't get wrapped up in what gets said. (that' s my own personal way of dealing with it, may not be right but it works for now)

I know it's cliche but you have to find things for you, it is a daily struggle to keep your self esteem at the level it should be, or where you want it to be. You can do this...but I will personally admit it's something I have to focus on.

I agree with Moe that eHarmony is a waste. They match you, so you have no choice. If you don't agree, your only option is to start a new account and retake that massive set of questions. Match was a waste for me too. Free sites have a lot of freaky people to weed through but are no better or worse in my experience.

I do understand about the esteem issue. I only got out there 2 months before I had to step back and regroup. It's a learning experience, and you have to be OK with the outcome. It is just shopping, as "Farmer's Daughter" said. Should it be? Ideally no, but it's just another option. I would PREFER to meet someone in real life, but at 36, that hasn't gone so well, so I either try something different or get used to nights at home alone with my dog.

I say keep at it. I'm trying it again after a 2 week break after recognizing the GOOD parts of online dating. It may not work but at least I'm trying something... and honestly I'm a whole lot more aware of men around me while I'm thinking about the online stuff so it may help meet someone IRL! Good Luck...

New to the group and just signed up for some online dating this week. Let the misery begin! LOL

Trying out Match right now and threw up a POF profile as well. I don't expect much, but it's got to be better than doing nothing.

I did fill out the SAT test for eHarm, but decided against it because I couldn't even see a picture without paying and it kept sending me daily matches from all over the place with only maybe one person who is local. I figured I could shop around MFP for a distance relationship so why pay eHarm for it.

Good luck.

Do not make their issues, your issue. I refuse to let a man make me feel less than I am. You will find creeps, jerks, and slime everywhere no matter where you go. Hang in there

Oh, criminy, so glad I stumbled across this today. I've been struggling, too...on POF and match.com, and am finding that the primary issues are:

1.) They have a beautifully written profile, full of wit and spark and intrigue...so I send a witty opening correspondence, just to get back, "Hey baby wut u up 2?" Really? REALLY? Could you please redirect my email to whoever wrote your profile?!

2.) They insist that they think I'm beautiful, but then it's like a surprise when they discover I'm chubby. Hmm. Which part of "full-figured" gave you the impression I was a size 2? I'm afraid I'm one of those chicks who looks nothing like her profile picture.

3.) And that's another one...POF...doesn't give you the option to see what your prospective matches are looking for in terms of body size. Let's face it. I'm chubby. I'm a size 16, 5'3". Am I passionate and rollicky and FUN? Absolutely. But not many people are open-minded enough to want someone who's overweight when there's a slew (probably) of thin, attractive chicks out there. So why not tell me right off the bat (like match.com does) whether someone is looking for someone who is 'slender' or 'big and beautiful'? And having to pick which body type I was was a struggle, too...I put BBW first, because I wanted to own up to my size and give the impression that I was proud of it, but then friends suggested that that actually means something bigger than maybe my actual size. Another friend suggested going with 'a few extra pounds', but in my mind that equates to more like 3-4 pounds, NOT 30-40 pounds. Tricky, tricky.

At this point, I'm feeling a bit battered, kind of fugly, and totally unlikely to find a match anywhere in the cyber world. I like what one of you posted previously, about putting out feelers for a long-distance MFP relationship. I know that MFP isn't match.com, okay? But still, we have SOMETHING in common, at least, and people seem more open/honest about themselves on MFP than they do on match.com.

It was ego destroying when I was pretty down on my self and my wt.
Now its just baffling and funny.
I've grown a thick skin as suggested and I do try to not take things personally.
I don't get a million messages..but I know I get enough email not to feel like the looser I used to...problem is not really a whole lot of quality.
Example was my drink meeting today after work...texted for a bit some flirting. Met him..turns out he's separated but living with her still because the lawyers are advising both not to move, shared custody..has another kid from previous marriage..and the kicker..can you guess it???
UNEMPLOYED! yup and fighting with work man's comp.

Now I know I'm no bikini model/millionaire/porn star..or what ever most men dream of as a catch. But I am employed, independent, half way hot. and sweet and childless looking for an actual drama light loving relationship....wow...why would you even meet with me if you have all that **** happening?

So I came home cooked supper and I'm going to relax and laugh about things some day I really will.
I just seem to lack the type of social life that has me running into single decent men..My best friend is really wanting me to meet guys her husband picks for me but I kind of really dislike her husband..and don't see his friends being appealing at all. So pof I'll stick it out this time around for now.

Think of internet dating like this. If you head to a new bar with a lot of regulars they are going to see you as fresh meat and hit on you. This will stop after about two weeks and you will start to get hit on only once in awhile. That is the same way that internet dating works. Unless you are top 10% of beautiful people and usually in your 20s as a woman you will have fewer choices. Yes you will have even less to choose from when you are over weight because both men and women are visual and no mater what you say in your profile about you being active people are going to see the picture of an over weight person and assume they are lazy. Most people won't even read the profile if they aren't attracted to your pictures.

The double curse of being an adult single that lives out in the sticks.
Not only is meeting by chance in real life difficult but the dating sites are pretty sparse too.

Agreed completely.

And I was snuggled up watching a movie with my head on his should and his arm around me when He pulls out Mr. Happy and says look what you did to me? Really?
...
I can't believe he just whipped it out after he just met me 4 hours before. I had already thought it strange he kissed me before dinner.

Wow, that's horrible....

Now, I gotta ask... where were you two snuggled up watching a movie? Was this at the theater? Or at one of your places? I don't excuse his behavior by any means... just thought that inviting a date to your place (or you going to his) within hours of meeting is the typical signal that you're gonna hook-up that night.

JJ is right about the signals.
And yeah - that's horrible. I must say I'm shocked. The guy must have been watching too much porn... God forbid he works in recruitment one day!

I'm also wondering why you were snuggling with a guy if you already had a gut sense that something was strange when he kissed you? So much of dating comes down to intuition so this might be a good reminder to trust your own instincts a bit more.