Am I just that bad or what?
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When it comes to taking a current self shot, don't use your cell phone and a mirror!
Buy a tri-pod for $40 and a cheap digital camera with a timer. Your pictures will come out 100x better.0 -
Let me say this another way one more time, because I don't think you're wrong. I just didn't like the tone. I don't think it needs to be removed - I think more needs to be added or to just to tone it down a bit.I can only speak for myself, and I'll quit saying it after this - I promise! LOL I completely disagree with the other opinions about not listing your daughter as your #1 priority. I think that speaks volumes about who you are as a person.
I thought he could say that his daughter is a priority and that he has her 50% of the time, but he's looking for someone who will be his priority when they are together. Potential matches need to know he would focus on them when his daughter isn't around and it's not just going to be hearing stories about her, no matter how special the little sweetheart is (she's very cute from the picture, by the way!).
Someone who makes their children a priority is definitely something I think is a positive. For me, I would need to also be considered a priority in a relationship. To me, saying a child is the #1 priority and always will be puts in my head ideas like if things were to get serious with marriage, he would always take her side if daughter and I ever had a disagreement simply because she's #1 and always will be. I wouldn't want to sign on for that. I would love to find a guy who will be a great dad!
Anyway, I'll stop now too.0 -
I agree with most of the above... and I have put some serious thought into this.. here are my findings:
1. It's all about the pictures.
2. forget being super creative with your messages, the ratio for responses doesn't pay off and if the girl doesn't like your pics your just going to get a pity response.... or E for effort if you will.
3. The single peeps girls will eat me for lunch for this, but the profile isn't all that important. Obviously you need to have something there, but I have been told by some girls that have messaged me that mine is the best they have seen. And I have a 1-30is ratio for responses.
4. On the other hand put some form of question at the end of your profile, like: Message me if you can answer this question (something funny). Almost all of the girls that have messaged me have been to answer my question.
5. Look a level below what you would get in person. It's just the name of the online game.
6. Ask them on a date sooner rather than later... these online gals are touchy and just looking for a reason to reject you. Plus another guy might come along.
I have more, but I'm sick of typing for now.0 -
Let me say this another way one more time, because I don't think you're wrong. I just didn't like the tone. I don't think it needs to be removed - I think more needs to be added or to just to tone it down a bit.I can only speak for myself, and I'll quit saying it after this - I promise! LOL I completely disagree with the other opinions about not listing your daughter as your #1 priority. I think that speaks volumes about who you are as a person.
I thought he could say that his daughter is a priority and that he has her 50% of the time, but he's looking for someone who will be his priority when they are together. Potential matches need to know he would focus on them when his daughter isn't around and it's not just going to be hearing stories about her, no matter how special the little sweetheart is (she's very cute from the picture, by the way!).
Someone who makes their children a priority is definitely something I think is a positive. For me, I would need to also be considered a priority in a relationship. To me, saying a child is the #1 priority and always will be puts in my head ideas like if things were to get serious with marriage, he would always take her side if daughter and I ever had a disagreement simply because she's #1 and always will be. I wouldn't want to sign on for that. I would love to find a guy who will be a great dad!
Anyway, I'll stop now too.
Oh don't stop cuz of my big mouth :flowerforyou: ... It's just that I don't read into it what other women might. I must say, I really like what you said above about the addition of finding someone to make a priority in along with his daughter. THAT would be a great thing to include!!! Win-win if you ask me!0 -
How one guy addressed both the parenting as number #1 priority and the fact he doesn't have a lot of time to date... there was more before and after...
.....
"I'm a hard-working single dad....working as a health and safety officer in a large commercial construction company.
I work a stable 730-4pm mon-fri, have sole custody and guardianship of my 6 year old little girl who I have raised exclusively on my own. I do the cooking, cleaning, homework, lunch packing, errands and groceries
and always have.
I'm dialed-in when it comes to the work, domestic and parenting routine, and thus, don't have oodles of time during the week
to court someone. I do have Friday and Saturday nights free for the most part....and in time, if I meet Ms. Right....of course
sharing time during the week is a green light. But baby steps for now....you have to start somewhere- lol
"
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This is absolutely not true for me. A man needs to be attractive to me, for sure, or at least not repulsive, as far as I can tell from his pictures for me to want to meet him, but the message is still important. I get a lot of messages that are just "hi" and that doesn't show any real interest to me. I want to see something that shows he read my profile and liked something about me. I have had far fewer message that have actually said something about even one little thing in my profile and I will make the effort to reply to all of those, even if it's just to say I don't think he's a good match for me.2. forget being super creative with your messages, the ratio for responses doesn't pay off and if the girl doesn't like your pics your just going to get a pity response.... or E for effort if you will.
3. The single peeps girls will eat me for lunch for this, but the profile isn't all that important. Obviously you need to have something there, but I have been told by some girls that have messaged me that mine is the best they have seen. And I have a 1-30is ratio for responses.
I agree that the response rate is going to be dismal still, even if you have a great profile, but that doesn't mean it won't be worse if the profile isn't good. Women do read profiles much more than men, from what I see, so there needs to be something there to catch a woman's eye, especially if you don't look like (insert name of hottest actor or model you can think of).0 -
This is absolutely not true for me. A man needs to be attractive to me, for sure, or at least not repulsive, as far as I can tell from his pictures for me to want to meet him, but the message is still important. I get a lot of messages that are just "hi" and that doesn't show any real interest to me. I want to see something that shows he read my profile and liked something about me. I have had far fewer message that have actually said something about even one little thing in my profile and I will make the effort to reply to all of those, even if it's just to say I don't think he's a good match for me.2. forget being super creative with your messages, the ratio for responses doesn't pay off and if the girl doesn't like your pics your just going to get a pity response.... or E for effort if you will.
3. The single peeps girls will eat me for lunch for this, but the profile isn't all that important. Obviously you need to have something there, but I have been told by some girls that have messaged me that mine is the best they have seen. And I have a 1-30is ratio for responses.
I agree that the response rate is going to be dismal still, even if you have a great profile, but that doesn't mean it won't be worse if the profile isn't good. Women do read profiles much more than men, from what I see, so there needs to be something there to catch a woman's eye, especially if you don't look like (insert name of hottest actor or model you can think of).
I wasn't saying just say Hi. But I wouldn't go much further than: Hey how are you? I see you like Maroon 5, have you ever seen them live?? It's just not worth writing some paragraph and adding a ton of thought when odds are she isn't the 1 in 30 that's going to get back to you.
See I disagree with what you wrote in the 2nd paragraph... while something you write may catch their eye... long term a relationship isn't going to last off of some eye catcher in a profile.0 -
I have to admit when I tried on-line dating I mainly focused on the pictures. If they weren't not sort of attractive to me I wouldn't bother reading their profiles. Call me shallow I guess. As for the kids thing. I of course would want them to be #1 to you. In ways like keeping her safe, fed, happy, clean......not by making a possible girlfriend feel like she'll never be made to feel important ALONG with your daughter. It's not a competition on who gets more love from you. A person has enough love in them to love their children and a girlfriend/spouse/etc. It's a different kind of love. And your daughter will get older in time and she won't need as much from you. My kids are now 17 and 14. I have tons of free time now. When they were 3 and 6 - absolutely not. Life keeps changing. We can't stop that from happening.0
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This is absolutely not true for me. A man needs to be attractive to me, for sure, or at least not repulsive, as far as I can tell from his pictures for me to want to meet him, but the message is still important. I get a lot of messages that are just "hi" and that doesn't show any real interest to me. I want to see something that shows he read my profile and liked something about me. I have had far fewer message that have actually said something about even one little thing in my profile and I will make the effort to reply to all of those, even if it's just to say I don't think he's a good match for me.
I agree that the response rate is going to be dismal still, even if you have a great profile, but that doesn't mean it won't be worse if the profile isn't good.
@ the OP-You do need to either make some comments about something in her profile, or have a great opening line that doesn't seem canned and has you coming off as confident and funny. Try the commenting on what she says bit.
Make the profile great, but your response rate is going to be lousy. Do something like set aside 3-4 hours on a Saturday afternoon just to message women. Message like 30-50 women. From that, you'll get anywhere from 1-5 responses. It'd be better if it closer to 5. Here's why-not all 5 are going to keep talking to long enough to get her number and ultimately show up for a date. And not every date is going to lead to something substantial. To get something substantial, you probably need to message over 100 women.
At least that's how the numbers break down in big cities. The women are just that fussy.0 -
I've only been online for about 3 months myself. I looked at your PoF profile and here are my thoughts being VERY honest here:
1- Your daughter as your #1 priority is wonderful, but as a single female WITHOUT kids, I'm going to read that as, he'll listen to her over me any day so why bother (being extreme in that but just as an example)?! As evidenced on here, single moms may read that differently. Just know your audience and think about whether you want someone with kids, without, or does it matter.
Personally, as a side note, I think your child should be #1 when you're a single parent. I will completely agree with Janie however that keeping a child #1 when married is one contributing factor to troubled marriages. I believe in marriage that God comes first, your spouse, then your children, because in that order, your children get the best support and direction possible. To move those around, means you'd listen to your children before spouse, creating a divided household. I firmly believe that so seeing you say #1 makes me react a certain way... just an FYI because I'm sure others take it that way. Your choice on if that's good or bad...
2- The business and job stuff is a little overwhelming. My immediate reaction is that he's saying he's a workaholic while telling me he's not. Reads as denial to me, having been one in the past myself. Same thing with telling me you can't talk about your job. Comes across unintentionally as self-important. Just think through your wording carefully.
3- Ironically, telling me that Daniel Tosh is someone you like is a GOOD thing. Yet it's preceded by telling me you sometimes offend people. Tosh does too, so it's really about wording again. Avoid negative words like workaholic and offend.
4- This is really nit picky again, but telling me you like reading books about people who died long before you were born COULD simply read, "I enjoy non-fiction and biographies on historical figures". Somehow the word died added to negativity. Weird.. I know...I think I just read negative tone in the profile though.
5- I agree completely that the picture with the rocks is the way to go!
I know this all sounds nit-picky, but women read profiles more than men. Sometimes LESS is more :happy: Good Luck!!!0 -
This is absolutely not true for me. A man needs to be attractive to me, for sure, or at least not repulsive, as far as I can tell from his pictures for me to want to meet him, but the message is still important. I get a lot of messages that are just "hi" and that doesn't show any real interest to me. I want to see something that shows he read my profile and liked something about me. I have had far fewer message that have actually said something about even one little thing in my profile and I will make the effort to reply to all of those, even if it's just to say I don't think he's a good match for me.2. forget being super creative with your messages, the ratio for responses doesn't pay off and if the girl doesn't like your pics your just going to get a pity response.... or E for effort if you will.
3. The single peeps girls will eat me for lunch for this, but the profile isn't all that important. Obviously you need to have something there, but I have been told by some girls that have messaged me that mine is the best they have seen. And I have a 1-30is ratio for responses.
I agree that the response rate is going to be dismal still, even if you have a great profile, but that doesn't mean it won't be worse if the profile isn't good. Women do read profiles much more than men, from what I see, so there needs to be something there to catch a woman's eye, especially if you don't look like (insert name of hottest actor or model you can think of).
I wasn't saying just say Hi. But I wouldn't go much further than: Hey how are you? I see you like Maroon 5, have you ever seen them live?? It's just not worth writing some paragraph and adding a ton of thought when odds are she isn't the 1 in 30 that's going to get back to you.
See I disagree with what you wrote in the 2nd paragraph... while something you write may catch their eye... long term a relationship isn't going to last off of some eye catcher in a profile.
And that's fine! you've read the profile and commented on something there... and with a question!!! Good messages have at least one question in them, IMO. That makes it easy for me to respond and throw back my own questions.
You certainly wouldn't see Maroon 5 mentioned on MY profile, however.
I'm not sure what you meant about the long term stuff. I'm really only speaking about getting enough of a woman's attention for her to want to reply to the first message.0 -
You know, i though this too, but I already felt like I was nit picking enough. I think everything you put in a profile should try to read positive and it's kind of hard to do that with anything related to death.4- This is really nit picky again, but telling me you like reading books about people who died long before you were born COULD simply read, "I enjoy non-fiction and biographies on historical figures". Somehow the word died added to negativity. Weird.. I know...I think I just read negative tone in the profile though.0 -
This is absolutely not true for me. A man needs to be attractive to me, for sure, or at least not repulsive, as far as I can tell from his pictures for me to want to meet him, but the message is still important. I get a lot of messages that are just "hi" and that doesn't show any real interest to me. I want to see something that shows he read my profile and liked something about me. I have had far fewer message that have actually said something about even one little thing in my profile and I will make the effort to reply to all of those, even if it's just to say I don't think he's a good match for me.2. forget being super creative with your messages, the ratio for responses doesn't pay off and if the girl doesn't like your pics your just going to get a pity response.... or E for effort if you will.
3. The single peeps girls will eat me for lunch for this, but the profile isn't all that important. Obviously you need to have something there, but I have been told by some girls that have messaged me that mine is the best they have seen. And I have a 1-30is ratio for responses.
I agree that the response rate is going to be dismal still, even if you have a great profile, but that doesn't mean it won't be worse if the profile isn't good. Women do read profiles much more than men, from what I see, so there needs to be something there to catch a woman's eye, especially if you don't look like (insert name of hottest actor or model you can think of).
I wasn't saying just say Hi. But I wouldn't go much further than: Hey how are you? I see you like Maroon 5, have you ever seen them live?? It's just not worth writing some paragraph and adding a ton of thought when odds are she isn't the 1 in 30 that's going to get back to you.
See I disagree with what you wrote in the 2nd paragraph... while something you write may catch their eye... long term a relationship isn't going to last off of some eye catcher in a profile.
And that's fine! you've read the profile and commented on something there... and with a question!!! Good messages have at least one question in them, IMO. That makes it easy for me to respond and throw back my own questions.
You certainly wouldn't see Maroon 5 mentioned on MY profile, however.
I'm not sure what you meant about the long term stuff. I'm really only speaking about getting enough of a woman's attention for her to want to reply to the first message.
Haha, I'm actually embarrassed to admit that Maroon 5 was the band I thought of... I honest to god couldn't tell you anything about them or even a song of theirs.0 -
Eliminate the first two paragraphs. You don't have to say in paragraph form that you are a single parent and that you work a lot.
These profiles are supposed to be fun. Make yours fun! Throw some good jokes around. Talk about how fun being with you is. Make the women want to be with you.
With that said, even some of the best written male profiles don't lead to enormous responses. Poncho talked about going 1 for 33 recently.
^^^ this. No humour (although you say you have humour, where is it?) and no romance!!
Guys, if you make a girl laugh, and tell/show her you want to be her friend and lover, then she's going to want to get to know you. It's really as simple as that!
And yes, I always read profiles after I feel attraction for the image. Even if a guy messages me that I dont particularly find attractive, I will read his profile to make sure I'm not missing out on a great personality. Not too long winded, but not too short is the way to go.
But no matter what the picture looks like a guy that can't make you laugh or seemingly doesnt want to make room in their work scheduled/child focused life to romance you are usually dead pan boring, just after one thing, or just not available enough for what I'm looking for!!
But hey, we all look for different things :bigsmile:
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
I have more, but I'm sick of typing for now.
:laugh: :laugh: you guys are cracking me up with your one liners today!!! :bigsmile:
ETA: And this is also the kind of sh1t that I find attractive!! Someone just being themselves!!
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I agree with JJ.
I completely understand the sentiment of why you're posting about your daughter.. I do but profiles should be happy and positive. You can express certain things without sounding defensive (as you're assuming the woman you date might not understand your duties as a dad). Honestly, these types of matters should be talked about when things get more serious with a date.
If my ex bf would have said something like "I work 4 days on and 4 days off so I need someone to understand.", I would have passed him up. You're making "demands" instead of focusing in you, your personality and why Id want to date you.0 -
I'm currently 1-33 for responses... I was actually kind of pissed when the one girl responded, I had a hell of a run going!
LOL!
Don't be discouraged, you can build that streak back up in no time. Focus, focus, focus.
--P0 -
I believe in marriage that God comes first, your spouse, then your children, because in that order, your children get the best support and direction possible.
Wow, just wow.
--P0 -
6. Ask them on a date sooner rather than later... these online gals are touchy and just looking for a reason to reject you. Plus another guy might come along.
Oh.. so this is why when I am trying to get to know someone on there, sometimes they just stop replying? Even though we were actually having a good conversation?0 -
^^I believe in marriage that God comes first, your spouse, then your children, because in that order, your children get the best support and direction possible.
Wow, just wow.
--P0
