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What Does a Good First Date Look Like?

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  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
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    I think these are good rules of thumb but life doesn't always fit in to guidelines. I will say being late is a big turn off for me but as long as I am informed you are going to be late I can deal with it.
  • Lizlicious2187
    Lizlicious2187 Posts: 178 Member
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    For me, if the conversation is flowing well and it seems like we are both letting our guard down and laughing it usually leads to flirty little touches. If I'm into a guy I will definitely do the whole say something and touch his arm thing just to let him know that I'm not completely repulsed with the thought of him touching me :tongue: Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. I did this on a first date with the most recent guy I dated but he never reciprocated during the date. But at the end we hugged and both did the whole linger thing where you kind of hug then hug again. And then he went for it. We ended up dating for a few months. I have actually let a guy kiss me at the end of a first date that I wasn't really into just to see if there was a so called "spark" But I'm guessing since I already made up my mind about him during the date it was pretty pointless. Now if at the end of the date I get the ole *kitten* half out lean in side hug....he's probably just not that into me! haha
  • poncho33
    poncho33 Posts: 1,511
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    I guess my idea of good chemistry is a lot different from some of you. I see it as amazing conversation, definite attraction, and not wanting to leave the date for any reason as chemistry. A peck on the lips isn't going to tell me jack. In fact in my younger days I had some pretty amazing sex after picking some girl up at the bar... yet the next morning I wanted them the hell out of my house! There is a difference between sexual chemistry and lasting chemistry.

    To me this is just another part of the hurry up to break up I see in single peeps weekly. Is the world coming to an end soon and nobody told me?? I'd rather get to no someone rather than buy another belt to start notching :wink:
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
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    I guess my idea of good chemistry is a lot different from some of you. I see it as amazing conversation, definite attraction, and not wanting to leave the date for any reason as chemistry. A peck on the lips isn't going to tell me jack. In fact in my younger days I had some pretty amazing sex after picking some girl up at the bar... yet the next morning I wanted them the hell out of my house! There is a difference between sexual chemistry and lasting chemistry.

    To me this is just another part of the hurry up to break up I see in single peeps weekly. Is the world coming to an end soon and nobody told me?? I'd rather get to no someone rather than buy another belt to start notching :wink:

    I really appreciate this way of thinking, especially from a guy, so thank you! :happy:
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    I just want to say, be careful about applying rules and expectations on first dates. It is hard enough to find somebody, and getting immediately turned off because they didn't do a, b, or c is just going to make the search even more daunting.
  • cinsuccess
    cinsuccess Posts: 333 Member
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    Everything on the list is importnat to establish the potential for a lasting relationship. It may not all happen on the first date but if it does, that's great. With regard to the kiss, the timing has a lot to do with the individuals... age, upbringing, experience. It's all about communication and being open. Unfortunately, it's not always easy to read all the signals so I do believe in giving someone a chance for a 2nd date as long as the conversation was good and I enjoyed his company.
  • Danielle_2013
    Danielle_2013 Posts: 806 Member
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    I guess my idea of good chemistry is a lot different from some of you. I see it as amazing conversation, definite attraction, and not wanting to leave the date for any reason as chemistry. A peck on the lips isn't going to tell me jack. In fact in my younger days I had some pretty amazing sex after picking some girl up at the bar... yet the next morning I wanted them the hell out of my house! There is a difference between sexual chemistry and lasting chemistry.

    To me this is just another part of the hurry up to break up I see in single peeps weekly. Is the world coming to an end soon and nobody told me?? I'd rather get to no someone rather than buy another belt to start notching :wink:

    I like this perspective..particularly coming from a guy. I suppose I already assumed that there would be amazing conversation, attraction and not wanting to leave the date already in place... otherwise I wouldn't be looking for a kiss from that individual.

    My 20's were the opposite of yours..lots of friendships/relationships, long, drawn out dating processes, wondering if he liked me as much as I liked him etc..
    Now that I'm in my 30's.. I am so much more confident in who I am.. and who I have both sexual and lasting chemistry with. Coming off a relationship that had amazing compatibility and no sexual chemistry.. I may be slightly biased these days.

    But.. who said anything about just a peck on the lips?
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
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    I haven't read all the responses so this might have been said. If there is no "spark" after the first kiss why go on any more dates??? That first kiss should make your knees buckle. Even a peck.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    I guess my idea of good chemistry is a lot different from some of you. I see it as amazing conversation, definite attraction, and not wanting to leave the date for any reason as chemistry. A peck on the lips isn't going to tell me jack. In fact in my younger days I had some pretty amazing sex after picking some girl up at the bar... yet the next morning I wanted them the hell out of my house! There is a difference between sexual chemistry and lasting chemistry.

    To me this is just another part of the hurry up to break up I see in single peeps weekly. Is the world coming to an end soon and nobody told me?? I'd rather get to no someone rather than buy another belt to start notching :wink:

    Poncho you the best! :flowerforyou:
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    I guess my idea of good chemistry is a lot different from some of you. I see it as amazing conversation, definite attraction, and not wanting to leave the date for any reason as chemistry. A peck on the lips isn't going to tell me jack. In fact in my younger days I had some pretty amazing sex after picking some girl up at the bar... yet the next morning I wanted them the hell out of my house! There is a difference between sexual chemistry and lasting chemistry.

    To me this is just another part of the hurry up to break up I see in single peeps weekly. Is the world coming to an end soon and nobody told me?? I'd rather get to no someone rather than buy another belt to start notching :wink:

    Poncho-you are exactly right that peck on the lips is not a good enough indicator. At one point in time, I would have felt that a lip peck was a bare minimum passable. Today, I don’t see it that way. The kissing needs a little bit more substance than just a one second peck. There needs to be more passion to it, and definitely more time.

    With regard to the kiss, the timing has a lot to do with the individuals... age, upbringing, experience. It's all about communication and being open.

    That goes back to the first point of going on dates with the right people. If you are putting the wrong person in front of you, the spatial relations won’t matter, the ambiance may not be appreciated, and the conversation may not flow as easily.
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    That goes back to the first point of going on dates with the right people. If you are putting the wrong person in front of you, the spatial relations won’t matter, the ambiance may not be appreciate, and the conversation may not flow as easily.

    How do you know they are 'right' if it is just the first date?
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
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    That goes back to the first point of going on dates with the right people. If you are putting the wrong person in front of you, the spatial relations won’t matter, the ambiance may not be appreciate, and the conversation may not flow as easily.

    How do you know they are 'right' if it is just the first date?

    Yeah, exactly???

    The guys I thought were "right" for me were the absolute worst!! My best times have been with guys I never would have gone out with (like the bar owner) or guys that I originally thought were just so-so (like Mr BB).

    And yes, to me ambiance does matter. If he wanted to get to know me, he will choose a place with suitable ambiance. A guy who wants to take me to a noisy crowded bar/club on a first or second date is clearly showing me that he's not interested in getting to know me. He’s hoping I will get drunk and get wild. And that’s not the kind of guy I want.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
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    The kissing needs a little bit more substance than just a one second peck. There needs to be more passion to it, and definitely more time.

    There will not be more passion on a first date with someone I just met two-four hours ago. Sorry. Ain't gonna happen.

    Maybe if we were old friends who met 10 years ago when we were both still married and we've got that relationship already established. But someone I just met? Is that really what you men are looking for? Someone who will let you stick your tongue down her throat on the first day you meet?

    That explains why I’m still single. Lol.
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    But someone I just met? Is that really what you men are looking for? Someone who will let you stick your tongue down her throat on the first day you meet?

    ^^This. LOL, love it! :laugh:

    Come on, really? "She didn't leave her lips on me for at least 2.36 seconds, didn't close her eyes, didn't caress my cheek or my hair, and didn't wear tasty lip balm for me. I like bananas. She did not taste like bananas. She should have known that I like bananas. She must not be the one. Damn. Why it is so hard to find someone?" :laugh:

    I realize this is probably not the level of passion you are looking for (or is it?). Couldn't help myself. I am joking with love, of course. :wink:
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,289 Member
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    Wait meet 2-4 hours ago I thought we were talking about all kinds of first dates not just internet dating..

    I mean whatever happened to meeting someone while your out with frinds and going on a date later...We never specified online dating or did I miss that
  • poncho33
    poncho33 Posts: 1,511
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    Wait meet 2-4 hours ago I thought we were talking about all kinds of first dates not just internet dating..

    I mean whatever happened to meeting someone while your out with frinds and going on a date later...We never specified online dating or did I miss that

    I guess I was assuming we were talking about blind or internet dating as it's the most talked about on here. I would change my tune a bit if I had already had interaction with the girl.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,289 Member
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    Wait meet 2-4 hours ago I thought we were talking about all kinds of first dates not just internet dating..

    I mean whatever happened to meeting someone while your out with frinds and going on a date later...We never specified online dating or did I miss that

    I guess I was assuming we were talking about blind or internet dating as it's the most talked about on here. I would change my tune a bit if I had already had interaction with the girl.

    See I wouldnt know what to do in those situations I've only been on 1 online date and he was a disaster. I try to meet people in the world so that way I'm not blindsided
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    Format of the first date was not a relevant consideration to the 7 point list I made. The 7 point list is the same whether you're going out with someone you met on a dating site or in real life first.

    The first date vs. first meet is semantical nonsense. If I am leaving my apartment to meet a woman that I am attracted to with the intention of pursuing something more than regular friendship, that is a date.
  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,405 Member
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    I have to wear nice shoes? Really?

    If there's obvious patches of mud on my DC's, I might scrub them off but there is no leather and tassels coming out from this guy.

    Girls, are you looking at my shoes? My face is up here!
  • cinsuccess
    cinsuccess Posts: 333 Member
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    Format of the first date was not a relevant consideration to the 7 point list I made. The 7 point list is the same whether you're going out with someone you met on a dating site or in real life first.

    The first date vs. first meet is semantical nonsense. If I am leaving my apartment to meet a woman that I am attracted to with the intention of pursuing something more than regular friendship, that is a date.

    I agree. A date is a date regardless of how it came to pass. It's just a bit more difficut to really know it's the right person when it starts online. Chemistry isn't something you can tell by some pictures and a couple of phone conversations. I had a recent date from OKC that I thought was going really well until he asked me to split the check.... that made it very clear to me that he wasn't interested. :noway:

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