It's a tough one niecy, but yeah, I think you need to assess 2 things:

1. Can you live without the L word?
2. Can you live without Steve? Or basically, is it worth finding someone else that says the L word?

I have no doubt he loves you However, he's not long been divorced. He's going to be deployed. You're going to move. He's going to stay or go? So many uncertainties that I just think he's not ready to make himself vulnerable to you!

OK, he's not emotionally expressive. He's got barriers. He's got reservations. But listen honey, in the unpredictable situation that you're both in, is that such a BAD thing? And if some other guy is declaring his undying love to you every day, is that such a GOOD thing?

Dont get me wrong, I'm like you, I always love with reckless abandon!! But he doesn't. But the reassurance you need is in his behaviour, in the easy way in which he wants you near. I do get what you're saying about wanting to be asked, but, how much better would you feel if he asked you over and said he loved you tonight? What exactly would it prove? It's just words babe!

When I told THE love of my life that I loved him, he said he didnt know what love was! And then he went to live in Australia. And then, on a mad and emotional skype he said he loved me. What I would do now to have him around me NOT saying those words now........who bloody cares as long as you have him there?

You got a guy that LOKES you??? That's freakin brilliant!!! :flowerforyou:

But I'm not doing a LDR or moving across the country if I don't feel better about the situation. But I do want to make it work.

So you tell him that when the time comes. And I bet he starts expressing verbally when he can't express physically anyhow!

Well he certainly won't win the nickname of The Great Communicator anytime soon. I've always been a fan of "actions speak louder than words". If you can deal with him being a little distant on the verbal communication side of things, then stick with it. If not, dump him sooner than later and move on.

Ashley, you know I've always been pessimistic about military guys who start relationships when they are on TDY or at training. Please keep in mind that you won't know his true feelings til he leaves.

Even if he is super into you, and his lessening of attention is his "true self" vice the "woo the woman" self, only you can decide if that's enough for you. If it's not, there's nothing wrong with realizing you want more than he's willing or able to give and letting him know what you want. And if he can't accomodate your desires long term, it's perfectly ok to say "thanks for the great 6 months" and move on.

Doesn't mean he's not a great guy or that you didn't have fun. Some people just need and give different levels of attention and affection.

I hesitated posting this here because of all the negative nancies..

Really?? Oh, I wonder who that could be: -

Actually, know a lot of coworkers who carry 4-6 month "relationships." I hope this isn't the case w/Ashley, but these guys don't put real communication work into the relationship b/c they know in a couple months they'll be gone. But while they're in town they have fun, pretty, female companionship...someone to snuggle with and someone to dote on them. Someone to call up during a boring moment, to help with the house pets kids, etc. It's all the fun and no responsibility b/c he'll move on and poof.

Oh!! You couldnt possibly mean JJ!! :laugh:

@JJ - sometimes I despair with your pessimism towards men. I'm just so happy BB is teaching you to trust again :flowerforyou:

I don't know.. I just always think back to how with his ex wife 3 months after they met he had proposed and a couple months after that they were hitched. I asked him about that and he said he rushed into things because she had called to break up with him because she had kissed some other guy, and he said no and convinced her to get married I guess. That was about 7 years ago I think.

I am pretty sure he has grown up and matured since then but it is a big indicator why he is not ready to jump in the fire like he did before. Also notice that she was playing games with him and it did seem to work out on the short term but not the long term. You have told him how you felt about not getting the verbal responses so you can only go from there.

I hesitated posting this here because of all the negative nancies..

Really?? Oh, I wonder who that could be: -

Hmmm.... I did not interpret "I hesitated posting this here because of all the negative nancies" to mean, "don't tell me anything negative, just coddle me and tell me what I want to hear so I can pretend all is well.”

All is not well. She's unhappy with an important aspect of their relationship, and if you pay careful attention to her posts, has been for quite some time. Since I am neither Mike nor Dave, so apparently I have not earned the right to express a negative opinion. Which strikes me as funny because I am neither calling names nor dogging people out for behaviors that I secretly do myself.

I will keep in mind next time that what appears to be a genuine "tell me what you think is going on" really isn't, despite the fact that my PM box is often full of "I didn't want to write it on the forum, but what you say is soooo true" type of messages.

However, I will not retract my opinion this time (even while I hope it is wrong) because I've worked with military men for over 20 years, and much of my opinion of men (skewed as you might feel it is) is based on the behavior of my peers. I will concede the fact that I may often misjudge civilian men based on the antics of my coworkers, but until you have traveled with these guys and observed their behavior when away from home I will simply acknowledge everyone's differing opinions with a grain of salt. His behavior mirrors what I've seen all the time. Doesn't mean they can't make it work. Doesn't mean anything's wrong with Ashley for being with him. Simply means I've observed stuff like this, and here's what usually happened in those cases. Have fun and enjoy it, but keep this in mind.

Truth be told, I do not agree with everyone who has said they were awesome all this time. I've had misgivings about Steve/Sugar Lips for quite awhile. He sounds like a great guy, but from Ashley's posts and PMs there appears to be a part of her that craves verbal nurturing that he is unable to deliver. And she's told him so. I haven't said anything because a) Ashley didn't ask, b) she's coming out of a difficult divorce and we all know those rebound relationships typically don't last, and (most importantly) c) this constant need for verbal affirmation may be something she decides she can handle (given his actions) as she gets further away from her divorce.

When someone I love tells me what they need, I do what I can to meet that need. And if I can't meet that need with a reasonable amount of effort then we are not compatible. No harm, no foul.

She says she tells him "I love you" without expecting a reciprocal response, yet he feels this pressure (we know this from the comment about him looking at her while they were watching TV). So it is wearing on her. And the pressure (whether she means him to feel pressure or not) is wearing on him. She has gently told him she needs more communication, and nothing has changed. This has been a common theme since that first weekend that they spent together. Even if he really does love her deep down inside, he is too cautious to say so and only Ashley can determine whether his actions are enough to satisfy her. I hope they will be, but I won't fault her for saying "I need more."

I don't want her to break up with him per se, but simply to be aware of whether or not he (the man he IS, not the man SHE WANTS HIM TO BE) is enough to meet her needs.

FWIW, the last guy who told me he wanted to take it slow and "do things right" and "not rush into anything" was civilian (not military) and you all observed him here on this forum meet someone, make her his girlfriend on the 2nd date, and talk about long term commitment the 2nd month. When you meet someone who really does it for you, the love feelings flow easy. The talk of commitment flows easy.

All that said, I actually think this scenario is a good one for military couples, whether or not Ashley stays in the military. They've had a chance to get to know each other and now might enter into the test of him being away for a portion of time. If their relationship weathers this storm, then they will know deep down that they can handle anything the military throws at them as long as one of them is still in. Too may military marriages fall apart during deployments.

It's kinda similar to the phase BB and I are about to enter...I must admit a little part of me is excited at the thought that this just might work out while I am deployed and as I move away to complete my last assignment. I have already told him, to his face, that I will not fault him if it doesn't work out because it's unnatural for people to be separated that long, and it often doesn't work out. Doesn't mean we aren't great- just means our chosen lifestyles may not be great for each other.

Wish you the best Ashley!!