Is what you're doing NOW working?
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Your dating life is not over in your 20's.
I think there are plenty of 30 and 40 and 50 and 60 year olds that are better daters and better catches than me. Age is just a number.0 -
I just wish more people would start answering by: "Thanks for expressing your opinion. I disagree however..." or even a simple "Care to elaborate?" rather than just jumping on each other throat on the slightest disagreement.
All the women on Single Peeps have listened for weeks, if not months, in ELABORATE DETAIL, to the opinions of certain men. I think it's fair to say that clearly a majority of us disagree with them and are tired of hearing a broken record continue playing...one that is clearly a slap in the face to many of us here.
Isn't that what forums are all about? You ask a specific question and we give our opinions on the topic. There has been no name-calling, racism, or direct insults on anyone here (except maybe a "fem-nazi" comment once).
If you state you have a preference for men who are over 6'2", the men who are under 6'2" aren't going to be broken hearted. Same goes with V, 6-pack, or whatever. Just because we don't possess those characteristic that you prefer, doesn't mean you are insulting us.
On a side note PJ, I'm surprised you don't have thicker skin being from New England. Most people I've met in the NE have a very "in your face" mentality, are beyond sassy, and won't hesitate to tell someone to frak off. Love those crazy Red Sox and Patriot loving Irish folks.0 -
seriously??? after six months you get tired of just disagreeing with someone who's favorite topic is his opinion that youre worthless because HE is scared.
I really feel that you've spent more time bashing me than is warranted. I feel as though it borders on bullying. Also appreciate Flam and Mike for coming to my defense as my overall perspective is not as abhorrent as it may seem to certain people on here.
I don't see bullying here, but I do see refusal to consider an opinion other than yours, and repeated attempts to question your rationale which you've staunchly refused to acknowledge.
With all due respect, this is kind of obtuse.0 -
seriously??? after six months you get tired of just disagreeing with someone who's favorite topic is his opinion that youre worthless because HE is scared.
I really feel that you've spent more time bashing me than is warranted. I feel as though it borders on bullying. Also appreciate Flam and Mike for coming to my defense as my overall perspective is not as abhorrent as it may seem to certain people on here.
Awesome DM. Thanks so much. Way to completely miss the point. You don't get the right to claim that someone is bullying you when you say something that people both calmly and not so calmly explain is offensive and why and then you proceed to either ignore or DEFEND such offensiveness.
I wash my hands of this. I am so disappointed.0 -
I really feel that you've spent more time bashing me than is warranted. I feel as though it borders on bullying. Also appreciate Flam and Mike for coming to my defense as my overall perspective is not as abhorrent as it may seem to certain people on here.
I see that there is a minority and majority opinion here...I'm sorry, but being in the minority does not mean you are being bullied. Actually, it could seen in reverse, the women here were the ones being insulted initially and many of us stood up for ourselves (with facts I might add).0 -
I really feel that you've spent more time bashing me than is warranted. I feel as though it borders on bullying. Also appreciate Flam and Mike for coming to my defense as my overall perspective is not as abhorrent as it may seem to certain people on here.
I see that there is a minority and majority opinion here...I'm sorry, but being in the minority does not mean you are being bullied. Actually, it could seen in reverse, the women here were the ones being insulted initially and many of us stood up for ourselves (with facts I might add).
The opinion expressed by me that got people out of shape was not an insult on women. Not even close. It actually was meant to apply to both sexes. On Page 5, Mike and I pointed out that often times the most eligible men are not participating in the active dating pool sooner than later too. Not a single male on this board got bent out of shape over that.
I feel that the dating pool of eligible singles shrinks late 20s and after. It doesn't mean that there are not good catches out there, but the degree of difficulty in finding those good catches can be perceived as being so much harder after that point. This should not be perceived as a controversial opinion. The median age at first marriage in 2011 (http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/12/14/older-to-wed-if-they-marry-at-all/ ) was 28.7 for males and 26.5 for females. And keep in mind that people are often coupled off and not actively participating in the eligible dating pool for around two years or so prior to the wedding day.0 -
The opinion expressed by me that got people out of shape was not an insult on women. Not even close.
I'm glad to hear you didn't intend to insult anyone... however, enough people read it as an insult that I think it's time to recognize how your statement was perceived by others and learn from that going forward.0 -
Also, I never understood why people got so bent out of shape at DM's comments. I'll be the first to admit, most guys who would be considered "catches" are off the market by the time they are 30 as well.
Most 30+ men fall into the following categories: divorced w/ kids, player/womanizer, someone lacking social skills, or just a flat our jerk.
Yes, this is true.
Guess that just makes me a Jerk... wow I'm really offended, blah blah blah.... sign me up for the DM fan club!!
Also "I think" Carl needs to post the dance floor and bar again! Everyone in here needs a Thursday night drink and to chill the F-out!0 -
Yes, but that means doesn't just mean fewer people to pick from than in a larger pool - it also means less competition in the smaller dating pool than in the larger one. It's all relative.
I feel that the dating pool of eligible singles shrinks late 20s and after.0 -
And back to the OP... What I'm doing is absolutely working! I'm not worried about finding someone. I'm building my life right now after moving across country for a new job. I'm working on my career, I bought a townhouse, I'm trying to make (more) new friends. I joined online dating to see if I could meet someone, but if I don't, it's fine. I don't feel like I'm under the gun to find someone on any timetable. If I find the right guy one day, great!
So I'm wondering, Single Peeps, is what you're doing working the way you want? Are you at least meeting the type of person you're looking for even if it's not the right ONE (either online or IRL)? What are you changing up to get a different result?! I think we all know some standard answers, but I'm hoping someone is doing something off the wall :bigsmile:
The biggest change that has worked for me with online dating was getting off eHarmony and getting onto sites where I could control the matching and send personal messages myself. I met a guy who has become a friend (and to cross reference another thread, we have theater tickets to see The Book of Mormon in a couple weeks) and I'm now dating someone I really like, but we haven't really discussed some important deal-breakers yet. If it doesn't work out, hopefully he will be another new friend, otherwise, I will just continue to focus on building my life and maybe try online dating again in a few months when there's bound to be fresh meat... er, I mean, some new potential matches.
Another big change this time out - the new guy and I don't seem to have a lot in common on our profiles. I would have completely overlooked him and not bothered to message if it wasn't for one really big thing - that he's from my home country. I just thought it would be nice to meet another Canadian living here and thought we could maybe see if friendship could even be an option. I had no idea we'd click so well. I'm not sure if that will pose problems in future, but his personality is just so compatible with mine so far and he is so much more positive than past love interests who matched me much better in interests and hobbies. I like that! I think we can find interests to share - I'm willing to try new things - so being flexible this time out in this area has worked for me.
I like the idea of online dating as way to meet people, but for me, it has helped to go on for short periods, take some breaks and go back. Also, to take control of my life and initiate communication with someone I think has potential for me. I would never recommend eHarmony though. I like OKC best, but met the new guy through POF, so I can't bash that one anymore.
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I can honestly say I've never been more disappointed after reading through this thread tonight. This was SO not where I wanted to envision this thread going.
The continued issues on the forum recently are completely disheartening. I post questions or even just an idea like this one because I love discussion. It's all good to disagree even as long as it's done respectfully. I too was bothered by the idea that the best singles are off the market by 27 and shared that openly so DM would think about other reasons that may not be accurate. I certainly didn't expect to change his mind, and in no way does that need to affect how I interact with the users on this forum. While I may not agree with DM's comment... I LOVE THAT HE SHARES THEM! The WHOLE point of a forum, especially on this website, is open honest discussion and support from people in all places in life. That means some people's opinions I may not like, I may not even respect them, but D@MN if I'm going to do anything that stops them from sharing that opinion.
You don't like reading that men actually like skinny, tan, young women with fake boobs?! All that means is that I don't want to date THAT man, but there are a lot of men like them. Most cover it up...a few men on here are strong enough to take the verbal beating and continue to be honest. I thank them for that but wonder how long they'll stay around. I'd miss getting a true perspective if they weren't here.
It takes guts to share an unpopular opinion and maybe we'd have more men stepping up, instead of shrinking away, if they weren't attacked for doing so. I welcome all men who want to say I'm too old, too fat, too smart, too ugly, etc... because whether they are right or not... it's their opinion and we all need to remember that this forum was supposed to be a place to be honest.
As the OP, I'm asking the negativity to stop. As an Admin, I'm asking that the name calling stops before I really do have to lock or delete my own thread...that would be a sad first action to have to take...0 -
Well played OP.. well played.
I think the three main men on this thread, DM, Florian, and myself, expressed our opinions respectfully and explained why we felt this way. We didn't call out specific people and say "hey grandma, you're too old to find love". We were just stating our viewpoints in a friendly manor.
If a woman starts a post and says something a long the lines of "men with the V and a six-pack are the most coveted", I know I'd have no problem with it. Heck, I agree 100% with that statement and I have neither.0 -
Yowling cats, sobbing and my preference for older baggage-laden bald men aside.. I would like to take the opportunity to thank the men in here who do put their necks on the chopping block each time they express an unpopular opinion. Just..remember this though, some of those opinions have been societal and cultural norms for decades/centuries..and when it comes to gender expectations, I think it can be argued that women have historically had a great deal of pressure placed on them telling them who they should want to be like, look like, do with their lives etc. The list goes on. So for those of us that don't easily fit into these molds created by patriarchical societies..well perhaps it is a bit of a sore point.
Don't forget, we have grandmothers and co-workers and strangers even asking us why we aren't in a relationship yet, or popping out babies. Plus all those damn wedding magazines and cosmo telling me how to be both a domestic goddess (fail) and *kitten* in the bedroom (check)..
Sigh.... It is exhausting. So. These are opinions yes. But on both sides of this.. let us not forget that there are other factors..and a little sensitivity can go a long way. There is something to be said for knowing your audience...
And yes..I know I didn't address the pressures put on the American male today. But I'm a girl..from Canada..and I have got some sobbing and Romeo and Juliet to get to.
Love to you all..with all of your opinions and personalities and preferences. This diversity is what makes us great.
Xo0 -
there's no point man, all the guys have me on ignore cause their close minded sht doesnt apply to me and it grosses/weirds them out that there is this old chick running around acting like she is still something hot when obviously she is 8 years past her expiration date.
Past her expiration date my *kitten*! You are coming into your prime. I do not share DMs take on 24-27 year old women. I am 38 (divorced) and have spent the last 6 years dating women of all ages. I have come to the conclusion you must be at least 30 to ride this ride! Women (my experience) in their 30's and beyond are more confident, more self aware, less hang ups, more in touch with who they are and confident, and almost always much better in bed to boot!
So ladies over 27 don't sweat it, you still have a huge fan club!0 -
there's no point man, all the guys have me on ignore cause their close minded sht doesnt apply to me and it grosses/weirds them out that there is this old chick running around acting like she is still something hot when obviously she is 8 years past her expiration date.
Past her expiration date my *kitten*! You are coming into your prime. I do not share DMs take on 24-27 year old women. I am 38 (divorced) and have spent the last 6 years dating women of all ages. I have come to the conclusion you must be at least 30 to ride this ride! Women (my experience) in their 30's and beyond are more confident, more self aware, less hang ups, more in touch with who they are and confident, and almost always much better in bed to boot!
So ladies over 27 don't sweat it, you still have a huge fan club!
Well helloooo...don't think we've met... 0 -
Watch me not shed a tear for those that share their opinions in a hurtful and disrespectful manner - even when it has been spelled out for them in a way that can be understood by the most dense of the population.
Like I said, I still fall into what is considered desirable but I won't be ready to get down and dirty with the marriage and the baby making until beyond that because my life is defined by what I want to accomplish as a scientist and not by what bursts from my uterus. NC, I'm sorry if you feel like your own thread should be locked but maybe instead of glorifying what can only be taken as disgusting ageist and sexist remarks and commenting on how "beautiful" and "wonderful" our individuality is, we should acknowledge when something is offensive and wrong.
If someone came on here and said "Black women are not desirable" would that not be offensive? Is that not true by saying that women over a certain age are not desirable? you have to either decide that totalitarian prejudices are wrong, or they are all okay. Saying "I don't date outside my culture" is different from saying "Indian men are not attractive" is it not? One of those statements expresses a preference and the other is a general racist statement. If you can't tell the difference then you are a f*cking moron. I don't care who you are.
Excuse any typos please, I have had about six vodka lemon shots, three beers and I have been not pleased for a majority of the day, so *kitten* p*ssyfooting around the issue(s).0 -
there's no point man, all the guys have me on ignore cause their close minded sht doesnt apply to me and it grosses/weirds them out that there is this old chick running around acting like she is still something hot when obviously she is 8 years past her expiration date.
Past her expiration date my *kitten*! You are coming into your prime. I do not share DMs take on 24-27 year old women. I am 38 (divorced) and have spent the last 6 years dating women of all ages. I have come to the conclusion you must be at least 30 to ride this ride! Women (my experience) in their 30's and beyond are more confident, more self aware, less hang ups, more in touch with who they are and confident, and almost always much better in bed to boot!
So ladies over 27 don't sweat it, you still have a huge fan club!
Boo for my 24 year old older man loving self, hahahahahaaa0 -
DM, seriously mate, spend less time analysing and just enjoy life. There is way much to over thinking in here. Life and love is not a numbers game. It's a thing of timing and the ability to let yourself be vulnerable and open.0
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seriously??? after six months you get tired of just disagreeing with someone who's favorite topic is his opinion that youre worthless because HE is scared.
I strongly agree.0 -
That's just political correctness bollocks.If someone came on here and said "Black women are not desirable" would that not be offensive? Is that not true by saying that women over a certain age are not desirable? you have to either decide that totalitarian prejudices are wrong, or they are all okay. Saying "I don't date outside my culture" is different from saying "Indian men are not attractive" is it not? One of those statements expresses a preference and the other is a general racist statement. If you can't tell the difference then you are a f*cking moron. I don't care who you are.
Many people came on here and said they didn't find black women desirable. Or that they prefer to date Latinos. Or Caucasians. That's their choice, and no, it's not racism.
The thing is that someone saying "White men are not desirable" is just stating his own opinion. That's why I don't understand why you get so upset about it.
I'm sure tons of people don't find white men desirable. And I'm sure tons of people also find white men desirable. If someone tells me they don't find white men desirable, I'll just say fine and move on - try to find someone with who I've got a better chance of having a relationship.
I see skin color as a feature, as much as hair color, eye color, breast size, @ss size and overall size is.
So to me, what you are saying is "People with brown eyes are not desirable is offensive to people with brown eyes". Not it's not, as I have had girlfriends previously, and thus I understand that the person who stated this isn't talking for the entire human race, but only from their own point of view. I shrug it off and I just assume that the person poorly expressed his thoughts (he should have said "I don't find people with brown eyes desirable", same difference).
Unless I didn't get the memo that some people's opinion instantly become facts, again there is no reason to be upset about what these people say. They are just stating their opinion.
If I say "Indian men are not attractive" and I am a racist, then logically by saying "Indian men are attractive" that makes me a racist too. Black people are attractive. White people are not attractive. There.
Again, though, if I say "Indian men are attractive", does that make it an absolute truth that EVERYONE will have to believe from now on, or did I just state an opinion - according to you?
So I let you figure out what weight and importance you should give to my "statement" depending on the answer to the previous question.
I agree with the following though:
- If someone very dear to you is saying hurtful things, then I understand it hurts.
- If a number of people repeat the same negative things again and again to you, then it can erode your good will and belief in yourself.0 -
The best singles are off the market after that.
translation- every btch in this group older than 27 is leftovers no one wanted. good luck.
Oh well, guess I'll have to turn into an old cougar and go around showing 25 year-olds just what 20 years of experience is worth. :laugh:
Edit: I hope none of them fall in love. Wouldn't want to break any hearts.0 -
If someone came on here and said "Black women are not desirable" would that not be offensive? Is that not true by saying that women over a certain age are not desirable? you have to either decide that totalitarian prejudices are wrong, or they are all okay. Saying "I don't date outside my culture" is different from saying "Indian men are not attractive" is it not? One of those statements expresses a preference and the other is a general racist statement.
Many people came on here and said they didn't find black women desirable. Or that they prefer to date Latinos. Or Caucasians.
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Unless I didn't get the memo that some people's opinion instantly become facts, again there is no reason to be upset about what these people say. They are just stating their opinion.
I really don't understand why people get so offended about things that are true. It is a true statement that to the greater dating population, black women are generally considered less desirable. So are overweight people. I know both of these from experience. I especially know about the "black women issue" because I've met so many men (of all races, INCLUDING black) who get turned off when they find out I identify with black culture (I don't know my father's ethnicity, so it could be anything but I identify with black). People are attracted to what they are attracted to. Then they get old, are still single and often have to settle for what's available to them.
Someone telling me that he or she doesn't find black or white or red or whatever attractive does not upset me. What upsets me is when someone is honest enough to put their true feelings out there, and then a bunch of others come behind and bash him/her for not being "right."
If everyone was "right" in that people loved us for who we are on the inside, all us amazing personalities in this group would be in relationships by now.
What bothers me more about the way our group has been heading is that there are many posts written from an obvious standpoint of disrespect and those who call out the disrespect are bashed. Of course, I fully admit part of my frustration is that because the same people who bash those who call out offensive behavior and uphold those who are offending the majority bash me on my posts as well, often without reading all the details, despite my efforts to understand all points of view (even if I don't agree).
Certain people who do not mean to be offensive (myself included at times) may never learn how offensive they are until someone points it out. For example, I never realized how offensive it was that I used to always remind the ladies that the bigger we are the less quantity of men will be interested in us. Having struggled with both size and color being a barrier to attracting a "quality mate" I saw nothing offensive in this yet the backlash I received was eye opening for me.
I hope everyone will continue to express their opinions... I just request that we all try to express our opinions in a respectful manner. If you think people are falsely accusing you of being disrespectful, perhaps check out MarriageBuilder.com section on disrespectful judgements. I found it eye opening, because it showed me I came off as disrespectful when I didn't mean to! I'm not "there yet" but it totally changed the way I relate with people.0 -
I can honestly say I've never been more disappointed after reading through this thread tonight. This was SO not where I wanted to envision this thread going.
The continued issues on the forum recently are completely disheartening. I post questions or even just an idea like this one because I love discussion. It's all good to disagree even as long as it's done respectfully. I too was bothered by the idea that the best singles are off the market by 27 and shared that openly so DM would think about other reasons that may not be accurate. I certainly didn't expect to change his mind, and in no way does that need to affect how I interact with the users on this forum. While I may not agree with DM's comment... I LOVE THAT HE SHARES THEM! The WHOLE point of a forum, especially on this website, is open honest discussion and support from people in all places in life. That means some people's opinions I may not like, I may not even respect them, but D@MN if I'm going to do anything that stops them from sharing that opinion.
You don't like reading that men actually like skinny, tan, young women with fake boobs?! All that means is that I don't want to date THAT man, but there are a lot of men like them. Most cover it up...a few men on here are strong enough to take the verbal beating and continue to be honest. I thank them for that but wonder how long they'll stay around. I'd miss getting a true perspective if they weren't here.
It takes guts to share an unpopular opinion and maybe we'd have more men stepping up, instead of shrinking away, if they weren't attacked for doing so. I welcome all men who want to say I'm too old, too fat, too smart, too ugly, etc... because whether they are right or not... it's their opinion and we all need to remember that this forum was supposed to be a place to be honest.
As the OP, I'm asking the negativity to stop. As an Admin, I'm asking that the name calling stops before I really do have to lock or delete my own thread...that would be a sad first action to have to take...
I'd like to respectfully disagree with you about the tone of this thread (and compared to the one about Mormon issues, we might as well have been singing Kumbaya together here :laugh:). None of the women said the men couldn't feel the way they do. We simply pointed out that:
1) not only were they outright offending several people here, but they have been doing so REPEATEDLY (which I'm sorry, but it gets OLD). I think there might be more women leaving the group than men because of this (in fact, I already know several who have).
2) A majority of threads get hijacked back to the same few points by the same few people, actually leading to LESS conversation, which is unfortunate. (And again, see point 1. where it gets OLD).
3) I noticed that some people became rather emotional in their responses, but MOST of the counter arguments were well thought out and included facts and personal experiences as to why they disagreed.
4) You are defending the fact that those in the minority have a right to their say, but are upset that those in the majority are speaking? I'm happy to see multiple viewpoints, but please don't tell me that I (or others) cannot respond because we disagree...that does not make sense.
I will however say that I agree name calling is completely unnecessary on any post.
Great point Janie!What bothers me more about the way our group has been heading is that there are many posts written from an obvious standpoint of disrespect and those who call out the disrespect are bashed.0
This discussion has been closed.