Talk me off the edge...
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In no way do I mean to imply that you should have sex with the guy just because he's turned on! All I'm saying is that you need to be careful that you aren't sending out mixed signals that are confusing the hell out of him. Just communicate effectively what you want/need and listen to what he wants/needs. :flowerforyou:
Yes, communication is key to avoiding mixed signals.
Off topic and this is just my opinion, but I also find that blaming your period (as the OP did) for over-thinking or erratic behavior is another type of miscommunication between genders. How is a man supposed to know that any woman is not acting as her logical self when she can always blame her period? Yes, I understand and agree that hormones suck...but using it as a 'get out of jail free card' over the age of 15 or so doesn't really fly. Wondering what the guys here think?0 -
In no way do I mean to imply that you should have sex with the guy just because he's turned on! All I'm saying is that you need to be careful that you aren't sending out mixed signals that are confusing the hell out of him. Just communicate effectively what you want/need and listen to what he wants/needs. :flowerforyou:
Yes, communication is key to avoiding mixed signals.
Off topic and this is just my opinion, but I also find that blaming your period (as the OP did) for over-thinking or erratic behavior is another type of miscommunication between genders. How is a man supposed to know that any woman is not acting as her logical self when she can always blame her period? Yes, I understand and agree that hormones suck...but using it as a 'get out of jail free card' over the age of 15 or so doesn't really fly. Wondering what the guys here think?
Okay,going to be the one to go out on the limb here.
There have been a few times,not really often to be fair about it,when ladies have suggested that situations involving her TOM leaves a women helpless to respond to hormones and emotions.
Yes,of course it is true that as a man I will never experience or relate to that,end of discussion.
However also as a man that statement would never,ever be accepted as a rationale as far as behaviors or actions are concerned so yes it does bother me a bit.
My gut feeling is that yes there are things that happen which one cannot control but how a person deals with that is always in their control.
That is a male point of view as I see things for what it is worth.0 -
If you were not a Christian (or whatever religion you are), I guarantee you would have had sex by now.
I don't agree with this at all. I am not religious but I feel the same as Janie...that sex is for a relationship.How long have you known him -- a couple weeks? I'm always sort of amazed that people expect that you must start talking every day to someone just because you went on a couple of dates with them, or start panicking when they don't get a call or text every day. In fact, (and I realize others may disagree and call this "game playing"), I think it is a good thing to not talk every day in the early stages of dating. In my experience, retaining a little mystery isn't a bad thing, or letting him start to wonder why he hasn't heard from you, what you are doing, and who you are doing it with.
Agree as well. I don't think everyone needs to put all their cards in on the first round, if you get what I mean. It is your relationship though and your life, but I do agree that that wouldn't be my thing.These types of b*tches deserve far less respect than the chicks who will do you in the parking lot 5 minutes after buying them a shot.
Man, I'm going to the wrong bars...
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Me too!Off topic and this is just my opinion, but I also find that blaming your period (as the OP did) for over-thinking or erratic behavior is another type of miscommunication between genders. How is a man supposed to know that any woman is not acting as her logical self when she can always blame her period? Yes, I understand and agree that hormones suck...but using it as a 'get out of jail free card' over the age of 15 or so doesn't really fly. Wondering what the guys here think?
Yeah, I gotta say that having your period is not a legit excuse. You still have a logical mind. You have no force compelling you to do anything. To me, it's a cop-out. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh to anyone.
My old roommate told me when we met, "I get really *****y the day before my period. I'm sorry."
Did it excuse her behavior? No. Was it an explanation? Yes. But not an excuse or an apology, nor a "get out of jail free card."0 -
I disagree with most of your line of thinking. After 3 dates you can get an idea about whether a date is just a horndog wanting some flesh or sees you as a potential LTR and is upping the stakes. While it is not your job to police your date, it is your job to police yourself. You know your intentions and you know your thoughts a whole lot more than your date ever will. It is wholeheartedly disingenuous to say that you should not have to restrain yourself if it seems clear to you that the date wants more than you are willing to give just so you can get a piece of *kitten*.
That being said, If I am with a girl who likes to leave me with blue balls, I'll wait her out and dump her immediately after doing the deed. That is just bullsh*t! Find another way to make yourself feel "special." These types of b*tches deserve far less respect than the chicks who will do you in the parking lot 5 minutes after buying them a shot.
Wow, that's harsh.0 -
I don't know why dating has to be so damn complicated!
It's only as complicated as we allow it to be
Trueeeee that. It's amazing how simply and smoothly things go when you're not even thinking about it.
I think this place is has almost a negative affect on peoples common train of thought. Follow your instinct, not the interwebz.0 -
Yeah, the same thing is true about food right?
I think this place is has almost a negative affect on peoples common train of thought. Follow your instinct, not the interwebz.
Trueeeee that. It's amazing how simply and smoothly things go when you're not even thinking about it.
It's only as complicated as we allow it to beI don't know why dating has to be so damn complicated!
While some people naturally understand "food" and have it right immediately (natural "healthy eaters") some people like me must read and learn, educate themselves using resources from (for example) the internet.
Replace "food" by "dating" and see the point I'm trying to make.
I have also heard that a monkey can type a text from Shakespeare given an infinite amount of time, but give the keyboard to an educated human and see how quicker things suddenly become.
Now you can certainly achieve things in every domain of life using luck and a random trial and error system, but I don't see anything wrong with using guidelines (or "rules" as people want to call them) to make things easier and leverage the experience of previous people or experts in the field - which is applicable to all topics (people whose job is literally to study a topic in theory, to try to find out new techniques, go out and experiment in the real world, and write about this in Layman's terms, and they are also paid for this).
On any given topic, you have some people who spend 40 hours a week, so surely they must know at least some things better than people who practice far less (us). I hardly believe that someone who follows their instinct will perform better than someone who studied in the field (any field) for years.
Sure... Sure... We're all subjected to social interactions constantly, so everyone has some basic understanding of how things work (plus it makes for cuter stories to think that these things happened "by chance"). But again, it is certainly not a bad idea to follow directions from people who have a better understanding than us of these things.
Or do we really believe that there is nothing to learn and improve in terms of social interactions?
To explain further: I am not saying people should blindly follow every single rule they read (especially because some might be contradictory), but I think people should understand the "why" of those rules (what kind of successful behavior they are based on, the behavior those "rules" are trying to emulate), and try to use those they feel could be helpful in their dating lives (which require some self analysis on what your shortcomings are).
Yes, as you can see I'm a firm believer on "dating guidelines" (I refuse to consider them as strict rules, as long as there is no dating police that enforce these rules).0 -
I wasn't trying to have sex. Just wanted to move 1 step past kissing where it was more of kissing and embracing. Yes, maybe under my shirt was a little more risky so I'll rethink that next time. Definately didn't want to get down!In no way do I mean to imply that you should have sex with the guy just because he's turned on! All I'm saying is that you need to be careful that you aren't sending out mixed signals that are confusing the hell out of him. Just communicate effectively what you want/need and listen to what he wants/needs. flowerforyou
Forgive me, but to all those talking about mixed signals(only quoting one for brevity), it seems a hell of a mental jump to me from putting a hand on a waist whilst kissing, even under the shirt (swoon! I shall have the vapours!), to the assumption that this means a desire/intent to have sex immediately. Particularly as Amazona had already made it clear that she wanted to take physical things slowly... Someone asked if we're still in Junior High/High School - why should being older make any difference? You wouldn't have assumed a hand on the waist meant sex then, why would you now?! Especially with the preference of your partner for a slow burn already known.
But hey, what would I know.If you were not a Christian (or whatever religion you are), I guarantee you would have had sex by now.
I don't agree with this at all. I am not religious but I feel the same as Janie...that sex is for a relationship.
As do I. Nothing to do with religion, everything to do with the matching of physical and emotional intimacy.0 -
Forgive me, but to all those talking about mixed signals(only quoting one for brevity), it seems a hell of a mental jump to me from putting a hand on a waist whilst kissing, even under the shirt (swoon! I shall have the vapours!), to the assumption that this means a desire/intent to have sex immediately. Particularly as Amazona had already made it clear that she wanted to take physical things slowly... Someone asked if we're still in Junior High/High School - why should being older make any difference? You wouldn't have assumed a hand on the waist meant sex then, why would you now?! Especially with the preference of your partner for a slow burn already known.
But hey, what would I know.
Inviting a guy to put his hand up your top is provocative hun. Dont do it unless you want him to explore further!
The other mixed signal was taking the guy to a sex shop on their first date.
As much as I agree that people should not read too much into signals, there is the age old adage that actions speak louder than words. I think guys are very tuned into sex from the word go, and you have to be careful what you're 'saying' to them.
I think its absolutely fine if you just want to progress to second base. But just let the guy know this, cos most guys, as demonstrated above, will automatically assume they are going all the way!! You're in control and can stop the flow at any time. Just dont expect the guy (or girl!) to be happy about being turned on and then sent home. :flowerforyou:0 -
Forgive me, but to all those talking about mixed signals(only quoting one for brevity), it seems a hell of a mental jump to me from putting a hand on a waist whilst kissing, even under the shirt (swoon! I shall have the vapours!), to the assumption that this means a desire/intent to have sex immediately. Particularly as Amazona had already made it clear that she wanted to take physical things slowly... Someone asked if we're still in Junior High/High School - why should being older make any difference? You wouldn't have assumed a hand on the waist meant sex then, why would you now?! Especially with the preference of your partner for a slow burn already known.
But hey, what would I know.
Inviting a guy to put his hand up your top is provocative hun. Dont do it unless you want him to explore further!
Oh, sure - provocative and encouraging further exploration, I get. Still seems like a long jump from (second?) base to the assumption of a home run (Have I got that right? bah! all these athletic metaphors confuse me!:laugh: ) to me. Aged 13 or 33 or 53!The other mixed signal was taking the guy to a sex shop on their first date.
As much as I agree that people should not read too much into signals, there is the age old adage that actions speak louder than words. I think guys are very tuned into sex from the word go, and you have to be careful what you're 'saying' to them.
I think its absolutely fine if you just want to progress to second base. But just let the guy know this, cos most guys, as demonstrated above, will automatically assume they are going all the way!! You're in control and can stop the flow at any time. Just dont expect the guy (or girl!) to be happy about being turned on and then sent home. :flowerforyou:
I missed the sex shop thing - was it intentional? Seems like an odd thing to do on a first date.
Actions speak louder than words - ok, most of the time - though when it comes to issues of consent, you're walking a very fine line. No means no, regardless of what actions may imply... And if the boundaries have already been verbally set, I'm not sure why someone would expect them to be broken to such an extent. Pushed a little, perhaps, but not thrown out altogether.
I've got to go to an audition now, but I'm sure there'll be more to say when I get back!
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The sex shop thing was as a joke. It was next to the dive bar we went to (after sushi) and he said he had never visited one so we went in. We were giggling the whole time. I seriously doubt he got sent home sexually frustrated. We were in there for less than 5 min.
And the whole hand under shirt thing. I could understand if I had placed it on my boob but it was my lower back since he was rubbing it anyway over my shirt.
I stand that I only wanted to go a step past just kissing and that it should be fine. Making out is fun, kissing and exploring and shouldn't piss anybody off because they didn't get off. If a guy were to get pissed at me for *just* making out, he's a *kitten*.
I see him tomorrow again. We are going on his cool bike for a ride. It's my first time!! So excited! :bigsmile:0 -
Have fun tomorrow!0
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Drunk calls/texts can be extremely detrimental to an early relationship, if you're having a bit of a freak out, turn off your phone, have another beer and go to bed. You don't want to give off a psycho vibe just because you're confused why he didn't make a further move.
I'm not sure what he does for a living, but after a 12 hr day, putting up your tv system and drinking, he probably didn't feel like fooling around. That's nothing against you, but he obviously has the weight of the following day already on his mind. Plus if you two did mess around, then he still has to leave you there alone afterwards. And as a decent guy, I HATE doing that.
How old is stunt man? He isn't involved elsewhere is he? Man i need a run down of your life lately, everytime I log on there's a new guy you're posting about
I can't keep up! 0 -
I see him tomorrow again. We are going on his cool bike for a ride. It's my first time!! So excited! :bigsmile:
As a fellow motorcyclist, if he gives you instructions before taking you for a ride, REMEMBER THEM! He'll most likely show you were you're going to burn yourself if you touch the exhaust, to always look into the corner instead of spacing off, keep your body parallel to his (your movements make a big difference in what the bike does), and when coming to a stop, put your hands infront of him on the gas tank to hold yourself up!! We don't like our junk smashed lol0 -
Ha!
He's not my guy. We have just been seeing each other for the last 3 weeks (a date a week). He's 34 (oldest guy I've dated), well besides a crazy rebound after ex husband but he doesn't count.
Um, I hope he's not "involved" elsewhere! I met him online and have him on FB. We haven't discussed dating others etc. so not sure how I would know he's not involved.
I think you're right though. I guess in my head, I'm a new girl who he is very attracted to (he always tells me and is never shy to compliment me) so I figured he'd want to kiss me all night if I'd let him. But yes, he's working 12 hr shifts everyday. He's on his 3rd week now. He did have a day off last week which he used to catch up on chores.
Hmm. He better not be involved!!0 -
All he's told me so far is do whatever he does (lean when he leans?). He knows it's my first time and he said he'd go slow and gentle until I get a hang of it. I cannot wait!!!0
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All he's told me so far is do whatever he does (lean when he leans?). He knows it's my first time and he said he'd go slow and gentle until I get a hang of it. I cannot wait!!!
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
That had to be intended innuendo.
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Haha not from me. Now that read it again, :blushing: . He kept a straight face when he said it. :indifferent:0
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Haha not from me. Now that read it again, :blushing: . He kept a straight face when he said it. :indifferent:
If that was accidental then it's even better!!0 -
I just think it's weird you're a few dates in, a bit more relaxed now and you made an obvious move you're looking for some advancement in the physical dept. and he totally whiffed on it. I mean I know I'm bad at the "sign reading" game, but I'd have at least let the hand stray by now to see where the line is... You gave him an all systems go for under shirt action and he suddenly had to leave...
Not to be a downer but maybe bring up in casual conversation online dating and try to steer it into the department of when the last girl he dated was. For someone so swoon by your good looks, he sure doesn't act like it.0 -
Those are my thoughts as well. Granted, he had already told me prior to the shirt thing that he had to go. The shirt thing happened right at my door. I can see your point earlier how he didn't want to start something and then leave... BUT, come on!
I know he was seeing an ex gf before starting online dating which he said was 1.5 months ago. I was his 1st online date. He said him and ex gf weren't official or anything (maybe FB??). I'm not sure... If I can, I'll bring it up tomorrow. Also, tomorrow we will be in his element, his place and bike, he will be clean and changed, so if he doesn't put moves on me more than a goodnight kiss (but not sex), then I'm going to be confuzzled.0 -
I missed the sex shop thing - was it intentional? Seems like an odd thing to do on a first date.
My vote for quote of the year.
--P0 -
I see him tomorrow again. We are going on his cool bike for a ride. It's my first time!! So excited! :bigsmile:
As a fellow motorcyclist, if he gives you instructions before taking you for a ride, REMEMBER THEM! He'll most likely show you were you're going to burn yourself if you touch the exhaust, to always look into the corner instead of spacing off, keep your body parallel to his (your movements make a big difference in what the bike does), and when coming to a stop, put your hands infront of him on the gas tank to hold yourself up!! We don't like our junk smashed lolAll he's told me so far is do whatever he does (lean when he leans?). He knows it's my first time and he said he'd go slow and gentle until I get a hang of it. I cannot wait!!!
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
That had to be intended innuendo.
lol yeah >.>
This was happening Wed, right? It's Thursday now. Hope the date went well!0 -
No, it's for Thursday. Later today!0
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Plus if you two did mess around, then he still has to leave you there alone afterwards. And as a decent guy, I HATE doing that.
Awwww, I love this! :bigsmile: Nice to know that men feel that too. And I agree, I wouldnt want him to dash away if we'd been more intimate
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No, it's for Thursday. Later today!
I got my days mixed up. Damn graveyard shift. lol.0 -
He totally put the moves on me this time and it was very very nice...
He commented again how it made him feel uncomfortable being in his work clothes vs last night, he was all fresh and clean. :bigsmile: We went for a ride to the beach. It was AWESOME. I did good, I think. We even went super fast for a second. We went for a beer at a cool bar by the water then took a walk and got soaked because the waves were crazy. I finally got my hardcore make out session.. so hardcore that my phone fell out of my pocket and drowned. I didn't notice it until we can down from the tower (we climbed this little ladder to get up high and look at the water).
Then we went back to his and had a beer there. Ahhh. I had a really good night.0 -
He totally put the moves on me this time and it was very very nice...
He commented again how it made him feel uncomfortable being in his work clothes vs last night, he was all fresh and clean. :bigsmile: We went for a ride to the beach. It was AWESOME. I did good, I think. We even went super fast for a second. We went for a beer at a cool bar by the water then took a walk and got soaked because the waves were crazy. I finally got my hardcore make out session.. so hardcore that my phone fell out of my pocket and drowned. I didn't notice it until we can down from the tower (we climbed this little ladder to get up high and look at the water).
Then we went back to his and had a beer there. Ahhh. I had a really good night.
Yay that's awesome! I love hardcore makeout sessions! Sorry about your phone though. :frown:0 -
He totally put the moves on me this time and it was very very nice...
He commented again how it made him feel uncomfortable being in his work clothes vs last night, he was all fresh and clean. :bigsmile: We went for a ride to the beach. It was AWESOME. I did good, I think. We even went super fast for a second. We went for a beer at a cool bar by the water then took a walk and got soaked because the waves were crazy. I finally got my hardcore make out session.. so hardcore that my phone fell out of my pocket and drowned. I didn't notice it until we can down from the tower (we climbed this little ladder to get up high and look at the water).
Then we went back to his and had a beer there. Ahhh. I had a really good night.
Yay that's awesome! I love hardcore makeout sessions! Sorry about your phone though. :frown:
Oooh hot make out session on the beach. :devil: Any glass? Sand plus high heat = glass. :laugh: I'm such a nerd
Sucks about your phone. Time for a new one? :bigsmile:
I dunno what ya have but according to Anna Pixie's informal survey, Samsung Galaxy 3 > iPhone.0 -
You went for a "ride" on the beach and then a make out session, isn't that a little backwards?0
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Ha. Funny man.
Nah, everything was in order. The 1st ride, the beach, then the 2nd ride.0
This discussion has been closed.