I identify myself as poly-bi. I'm not 'out' in real life (except my husband and sister) but I've found the online world to be similar. People are constantly telling me that I need to "pick a side." And don't get me started on the poly thing. People just can't understand that you can love more than 1 person.

Exactly. I'm in a long-term relationship with a male but I identify as poly-pan (well, I tend to say queer because I prefer it and its more accurate). My partner is generally straight, but has found men attractive.

My partner and I are monogamous due to lack of opportunity. We are in the most rural, small town you could ever imagine. We definitely are outsiders here. If we were in a larger city then we would be far more open with this.

This entire thread felt like a giant hug!

I also came out to my parents as gay during college and now here I am living with a guy - totally blows their mind. I was told the same thing, that I needed to pick a side (and it better be the right one, lol). I tend to use the term Bi more often than Pan but it's just about so much more than sex and whether or not my significant other can impregnate me. I have been in happy, fulfilled relationships with both sexes and that's that - so sue me!

I think it's sad that bi/pan people get so much stick and a bad stigma. I also don't think it's fair to say that if you are straight or gay then you are some-how close-minded or just caring about a persons genitalia. I personally don't feel I have any degree of bisexuality because I am and always have been, solely attracted to women. That's not to say that I don't find men attractive and I'm sure I could still be turned on if I had sex with one but I could never have a relationship with one and can't imagine that I'd ever want to. To me men and women are SO different in many more ways than what's in their pants. I don't think I could have any romantic connection with a man because I just don't understand them and vice-versa. In any case just because I can't relate to bisexuality (as equally as I can't relate to being straight) doesn't mean that I can't appreciate it. I think that being comfortable with yourself has a lot to do with it, so I guess the people who do discriminate are the ones who have an issue with themselves.

^Like

My friends mum once called her up to ask if she (as in the mother herself) was bisexual or heterosexual, because it was on a form and she knew she was not homosexual but never heard those other terms, it was kind of funny when that happened!
xxxx

Haha amazing!

Fun etymological fact, the word 'heterosexual' came into the English language AFTER the word 'homosexual'. It seems that people felt a need to define this 'deviant orientation' but once they did so, they weren't sure what to call 'normal orientation' (of course I do not mean to say that I think these things are 'deviant' or 'normal' but that was the thinking at the time).

it's cool, do it all the time.



what a weekend. my brain totally grew a wrinkle.

why the term "pan" though?

According to Wikipedia, "The prefix "pan" comes from an Ancient Greek term meaning "all" or "every"". I figured as much. It's usually some sort of Greek or Latin prefix.

I use it because I can be attracted to any gender or ID. I feel like pan covers anyone and everyone I may be attracted to, regardless of what they ID as, not just those who feel they are man or woman.

I just do not understand why people need a label. Why does it matter if a person is bi/pan/lesbian/gay/trans etc. A person should not be classified by their sexual preference. I know it happens all the time, but I hate that it does.

I only recently started labelling myself bi. I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 yrs with a woman and have never been with a man so it was hard to really pick a 'label'. Yes, I am interested in exploring a 'straight' relationship but no doubt that women catch my eye first. Regardless, I will be with whoever I fall in love with

... tend to get kind of a bad rap. At least they do where i'm from. Especially the menfolk. Let's talk about it, shall we?

Why do you think that is?
What are some of the things you've heard as a bisexual or as a partner of a bisexual?
What were your reactions?
We all have preferences and types, but why is it that portions of the hetero crowd tends to believe that since we're bisexual, then we must find EVERYONE attractive with no specific taste?

Background:

I come from an area of conservative beliefs. I have gone to religious schools my whole life (until now in college), and constantly told how being with someone of the same gender is a "sin". I have not told my family or most of my friends from back home. But here in college, things are so different. I am now in a much more accepting environment, and with my parents so far away, I have felt more comfortable to be myself. Almost everyone here who knows me, knows I'm bisexual.

One of my friends from back home (who has know I was bi for quite some time now, and whom I previously believed to be bi as well), recently told me she was actually pansexual. I did not understand what that meant and so she explained it and I have looked into it online. I still don't understand it completely but nevertheless I still accept it. What really annoys me is when people reject things simply because they don't understand. I do everything in my power not to be like that.

In response to your questions:

There could be so many reasons for the bad rap we get. As I previously touched on, people tend to not like things they don't understand. I get it, it's a basic human gut reaction. But in my opinion people need to use their brains. There is no threat from bi/pan/whatever sexuals.

I get asked a lot "Which gender do you prefer more?" or something along those lines. That is quite the difficult question for me to answer. I do not really prefer one or the other. They are both great to me. My focus is on the person, and my compatibility with them. I know a lot of people lean one way or the other, but the fact of the matter is, I just do not. Another thing I get asked a lot (and I see some people have already touched upon this) is "Have you had a threesome?" or "Wanna have a threesome?" In these cases, I simply tell the truth. I have not had a threesome, and I do not see it in my future, although I know plans change. If I were going to have a threesome, it would be because my partner asked me to. And if I was in a relationship with somebody, I wouldn't want to share them. My pansexual friend, on the other hand, had a threesome recently with another female (lesbian) and a male (trans).

A lot of my friends have readily accepted the fact that I am bisexual, especially the males. One of my friends once told me, "I love that I can talk about girls with you the same way I talk about them with guys." He was referring to the fact that he could ask my opinion on whether a girl was attractive or not. I find females attractive in the same way I find males attractive. This means I do not find EVERY female attractive, the same way I do not find every male attractive. Everyone, in my opinion, has some sort of taste, or preference to what they like. We're not just out there to sleep with everything that moves. We have certain things we need to feel that way for someone else.

Feel free, anyone, to leave a reply about any of this. We can have a discussion. I'll also reply to inbox messages if you prefer that method of communication.

I believe the reason bisexuality and pansexuality has a bad rap is because sometimes people use them as a catch all category and used as a tool to make some people draw attention to themselves. I've encountered someone who claimed she was bisexual then turned around to actually be "polybisexual" (quotations there for a reason) but only wanted a possessive sexual relationship with the female part while the male was enjoying the view and a normal relationship with the male but still wanted to be allowed to make out with any female at parties to try and draw the attention of men she'd later cheat on her boyfriend with... not really a good representation of polyamory or bisexuality in my opinion. But unfortunately there are those idiots out there who ruin the image for everyone.

I was listening to a radio show once that referred to these women as "bar-sexual" meaning that they put on a show in bars to attract male attention. We're all judged by their behavior, because they are openly whoring and they disregard the feelings of the females with whom they interact under false pretenses. This judgement, however, is leveled on all of us with no regard for the fact that the female bi community is also being victimized by these women. They don't just prey on lesbians. They go after any woman who is romantically inclined toward the feminine.

I'm a pansexual. I like labels that people pick for themselves. We need them to have to feel like we belong, at least for me and mine- we like them.

I've just liked people's personalities at the end of the day to be honest. And now in a stable relationship, I could say I'm more akin to joking I'm Norri-sexual (<3norribeans), then anything else really. But there is no body-gender identity out there that would stop me from loving someone. Ever. It all comes down to the person's honesty, and then our intellectual turn on's.