I don't look for thin or buff. I look at the kindness in the eyes. But I can see where I would be in the minority.

At the end of the day, you have to do what works for you. Don't worry about what I or anyone else on here says. If your method is working for you, then just run with it.

I don't look for thin or buff. I look at the kindness in the eyes. But I can see where I would be in the minority.

At the end of the day, you have to do what works for you. Don't worry about what I or anyone else on here says. If your method is working for you, then just run with it.

I mostly find the online stuff to be discouraging...just looking for hookups or for "spice" in their marriage. NOT going there.
I prefer to have people pleasantly surprised and it is a huge boost to my ego to have people say "wow, you look so much better than your pictures" because in my eye, the pictures I have posted are pretty good! I had friends evaluate before I posted and the feedback I got was "yeah...that's a pretty good representation."

and as for not posting new body shots...40 pounds is NOTHING with the hundred I need to lose. People at work haven't even noticed. So....I think the pics are still accurate. BUT...likely why I'm not getting much other than the sad "hook up" or "my wife won't mind" responses. So what the guys on this thread are saying about girls posting anyway "it will be fine,. But if you are a guy you better look like _____" is a crock. Guys are looking for fit and perfect and I have even seen a ton of profiles with the words "arm candy" in the section of what they are looking for. Honestly never saw that in the girls profiles. (I read the womens profiles to get a feel for what I should put in mine. Yeah...I'm a creep.)

Personally I hate the Marilyn Monroe quote. It just sounds like license to be a brat and/or not put effort in. My worst, physically and behaviour-wise isn't attractive..even to me. I have worked to change those things. No one needs to see the worst, if I have no intention of going back...ever.

As for dating at current weight...hmm..do I have an excess of confidence or ego? Hmmm...okay, I admit it. Yes. But I kinda think F it..why not? Life is too short to wait. I would like some attention and sex and connection now please. Let's get naked. Lol.

Now, I am realistic in wondering if I can attract the type of man I want to be with longterm at my current weight..but honestly even that doesn't seem to be an issue. It was an issue before I lost 70 lbs however...so I can imagine things will change with the next 70 as well.

I was using it specifically for my physical aspects and I have no intention of going back which is why I am establishing HABITS. NOT perfection, but progress. Lifestyle changes. NOT an overhaul that once I get to a specific weight will be dumped...as if some kind of penance has been paid and then I'm free. I also use it to mean that there are going to be bad times...and I really want someone that is going to be there through it all next time.

Everyone dates for their own reasons. After my last divorce, I totally admit to using guys. No overnights...just lets do it and move on. NO strings. (I felt like such a guy...) Now what I want is different. I want the fairy tale. I want my happily ever after. With or without someone to share it with. Preferably WITH. But NOT someone who is going to dump me the second someone younger and prettier comes along. Because if you only want me at my best...you won't be there at the worst...and I'll be right back where I am now. No thank you. I'll wait.

Everyone dates for their own reasons. After my last divorce, I totally admit to using guys. No overnights...just lets do it and move on. NO strings. (I felt like such a guy...) Now what I want is different. I want the fairy tale. I want my happily ever after. With or without someone to share it with. Preferably WITH. But NOT someone who is going to dump me the second someone younger and prettier comes along. Because if you only want me at my best...you won't be there at the worst...and I'll be right back where I am now. No thank you. I'll wait.

I really hate to say this quote, but it's very true for MANY men out there.

"Men are only as faithful as their options."

A lot of friends (and women too) will still look for a partner even if they are in a serious relationship with someone else. I'm sure everyone has seen this from time to time. A man will be married to a women for a number of years, then divorce her, and find someone 10 years younger or prettier than his previous wife.

You might want to avoid men like this, but they are everywhere. And even if you think you know your partner well, they might have this mentality in the back of their mind. This is why I always recommend putting your best foot forward and always looking/feeling your best with your partner.

I just spent the last 6 years being "unconditionally loved"... at my highest and his highest weights. To be honest..no attraction for years. People might call it "comfortable". I call it a lonely and intimacy free depressing existence.

Honestly..I want more for myself and more for the person I am with. I want to still be attractive and attracted to years later. There is no place for my worst. When I indulge in that..I change who I am physically and as a person. I will demand my next serious partner also cares about his health and wants to look good for me and himself. I will offer the same.
I am not afraid to be alone. If I get dumped for someone younger or prettier..there is a very good chance that relationship was on the way out for me too. Then again...I am not looking for a fairytale.

Correct me if I'm wrong.... But this kind of sounds like "settling". And I'm pretty sure that no girl wants to be the one that a guy "settled for". Of course that's going to deter someone. Why wouldn't it?

TRUE CONVERSATION ON A BAD DATE FROM POF:
Me: So what's your type?
Bad date guy: "Well I always go for those supermodel types. You know, the really hot ones. But then I realized that all they want me for is my money, I've learned to not aim so high."
Me: "Wow, well thanks for slumming it with me tonight."

No girl wants to be the one settled for. And deep down, no guy does either.

And fyi?? I am only as faithful as my options too. I want my version of what I consider "the best" too. When you realize it isn't your partner....what do you do?

And fyi?? I am only as faithful as my options too. I want my version of what I consider "the best" too. When you realize it isn't your partner....what do you do?

Well, then you do what you do. Break up and find a better match.

It's not specific to one sex.

I've wondered about this. Lately it seems I am going to have to drop off the dating sites because I am getting really discouraged. I mainly only have an OkCupid account (yeah not the best but it's free and I don't have the extra cash for a pay site) and it seems that the questions are really helpful but also hard. So many people will answer the question is it a deal breaker if your significant other is overweight with a yes or only if they are obese. What does that equal? Some wear their weight better than others and frankly it doesn't mean I'm any less awesome than the next person. But I know I have had messages ignored or out right rejected because of it. It's a little tiring when all I receive are messages for random hookups. That's so not my thing. I want companionship. But at this point I don't think I'll find it in this countries society with it's crazy image ideals. Worse is I really don't think I look that bad at all. Ugh. I'll stop ranting now haha.

Everyone dates for their own reasons. After my last divorce, I totally admit to using guys. No overnights...just lets do it and move on. NO strings. (I felt like such a guy...) Now what I want is different. I want the fairy tale. I want my happily ever after. With or without someone to share it with. Preferably WITH. But NOT someone who is going to dump me the second someone younger and prettier comes along. Because if you only want me at my best...you won't be there at the worst...and I'll be right back where I am now. No thank you. I'll wait.

I really hate to say this quote, but it's very true for MANY men out there.

"Men are only as faithful as their options."

A lot of friends (and women too) will still look for a partner even if they are in a serious relationship with someone else. I'm sure everyone has seen this from time to time. A man will be married to a women for a number of years, then divorce her, and find someone 10 years younger or prettier than his previous wife.

You might want to avoid men like this, but they are everywhere. And even if you think you know your partner well, they might have this mentality in the back of their mind. This is why I always recommend putting your best foot forward and always looking/feeling your best with your partner.

Wow, depressing.

No offense, but you're giving your gender a bad name.

Everyone dates for their own reasons. After my last divorce, I totally admit to using guys. No overnights...just lets do it and move on. NO strings. (I felt like such a guy...) Now what I want is different. I want the fairy tale. I want my happily ever after. With or without someone to share it with. Preferably WITH. But NOT someone who is going to dump me the second someone younger and prettier comes along. Because if you only want me at my best...you won't be there at the worst...and I'll be right back where I am now. No thank you. I'll wait.

I really hate to say this quote, but it's very true for MANY men out there.

"Men are only as faithful as their options."

A lot of friends (and women too) will still look for a partner even if they are in a serious relationship with someone else. I'm sure everyone has seen this from time to time. A man will be married to a women for a number of years, then divorce her, and find someone 10 years younger or prettier than his previous wife.

You might want to avoid men like this, but they are everywhere. And even if you think you know your partner well, they might have this mentality in the back of their mind. This is why I always recommend putting your best foot forward and always looking/feeling your best with your partner.

OMG, Mike....you sound just like my ex-husband here. Really? Wow... I'm completely baffled by this. I'm not always going to look my best, nor should I have to. There is a time and a place for "made up" but most of the time I run around in no makeup, denim cut off shorts and a T-shirt. And to reiterate.....I don't have any problems getting dates with the way I dress or act. I'm REAL.

And fyi?? I am only as faithful as my options too. I want my version of what I consider "the best" too. When you realize it isn't your partner....what do you do?

How does one get in this position to begin with??

Oh..classic case of nice boy meets girl, they fall in love, girl is fully convinced this is what she wants, time passes, they buy property and get dogs, girl finally realizes she sacrificed part of her personality to be in this relationship and is tired of being overweight, comfortable and going without amazing sex and true connection, girl starts overhauling her life, realizes she not only can't change boy, but no longer wants to, they break up and girl tells all on MFP.

Everyone dates for their own reasons. After my last divorce, I totally admit to using guys. No overnights...just lets do it and move on. NO strings. (I felt like such a guy...) Now what I want is different. I want the fairy tale. I want my happily ever after. With or without someone to share it with. Preferably WITH. But NOT someone who is going to dump me the second someone younger and prettier comes along. Because if you only want me at my best...you won't be there at the worst...and I'll be right back where I am now. No thank you. I'll wait.

I really hate to say this quote, but it's very true for MANY men out there.

"Men are only as faithful as their options."

A lot of friends (and women too) will still look for a partner even if they are in a serious relationship with someone else. I'm sure everyone has seen this from time to time. A man will be married to a women for a number of years, then divorce her, and find someone 10 years younger or prettier than his previous wife.

You might want to avoid men like this, but they are everywhere. And even if you think you know your partner well, they might have this mentality in the back of their mind. This is why I always recommend putting your best foot forward and always looking/feeling your best with your partner.

OMG, Mike....you sound just like my ex-husband here. Really? Wow... I'm completely baffled by this. I'm not always going to look my best, nor should I have to. There is a time and a place for "made up" but most of the time I run around in no makeup, denim cut off shorts and a T-shirt. And to reiterate.....I don't have any problems getting dates with the way I dress or act. I'm REAL.

Amen.

In a relationship, you don't have to be perfect.

Another good saying: "If a guy doesn't like you in sweatpants he sure as hell doesn't deserve you in a wedding dress." The general gist is that if he doesn't like you dressed down, why bother dressing up for him?

When I was married. .right up until the end. .I was never looking for someone else for a replacement. Sure. we all have eyes and we all find ourselves attracted to others. . But there's a chasm between looking at someone with interest (a.k.a. lust) and looking for someone to replace your wife.

Exactly.

Isn't that why people get married is so they don't have to look anymore?

Bad post but your my new Hero!