Someone please tell me why SOME guys does this....
Replies
-
People have a "read between the lines" type of approach to this kind of stuff anymore.
Very good point.
In my opinion, it's often easier to "let someone down gently" in this kind of way, by slowly ceasing communication, not responding, etc. rather than tell them to their face "I don't think I want to date you anymore."
Even look at the other thread posted today about the woman who asked out her child's swim instructor. Rather than say no, in my opinion, he pretended he didn't understand the message as to avoid an awkward conversation.I had a guy poof on me after six months of exclusive dating, including "I love yous," meeting the family and friends, etc. It was really unbelievable. He just left my house one day and never spoke to me again or responded to my calls. (And no, he wasn't injured or dead -- I checked.) I swear, if it hadn't happened to me I would've never believed anyone would be so rude. What a mindf*** that was.
Happened to my friend too...and they got back together later because he said he was "scared", and are still together 4 years later. So dumb.This happens to me with almost every girl I'm interested in and start txting. As soon as I let them initiate the conversations, I just get silence. So after a few days I initiate it again...and sometimes get a response and then silence...or just silence. Seems like most girls are just playing a game
I know for me, I don't want to seem too pushy on the guy. I would rather him want to talk to me. For me, it's just one of those old-fashioned "guy approaches the girl thing." I would respond enthusiastically however.
It also doesn't help that the one time I texted a guy first, he never responded, so I'll never do that again.0 -
I've had it happen to me and I do this quite often. If I were dating a guy for a month or more, I'd hope he'd have the balls to tell me and I'd hope I'd have the balls to be honest.
But yes, very normal nowadays.0 -
Christ-on-a-stick, folks, can we please come up with a term other than "poofing"? It sounds like a word an old British woman would use to apologize for farting during a tea party.
I nominate "pulling a Houdini" although I am not sure he was really known for a vanishing act.
I have had to describe to people that the last guy was " A fart in a skillet" ... Meaning he didnt exist anymore...no longer interested etc....
Sorry ur lady fart thing made me think of that.0 -
i like the term disapparate like in harry potter :laugh: i was a huge disapparator in the past but i'm better now. i tend to sometimes be very interesting in guys in a non romantic way but purely on a "hmmm here's something new" kind of way. then once i'd get to know them i'd be like ok and not be interested anymore :laugh: like i said, i've gotten better and realized that people actually have feelings . unfortunatelt that's one of the downsides of being an ENTP
my most recent poofiness was with a guy i had been kinda sorta dating for about 3 months.
i say kinda sorta because i was never clear whether or not he was into me or if he was just doing stuff with me because he had nothing better to do. he ended up going back to germany for 2 weeks to visit his family and within that time i was sorta like mheh. by the time he came back i wasnt motivated to return his texts and emails..
actually the texting and emailing thing might have been part of the reason i was never really interested in him. i did make it known to him that i can't bond with people via email and texts and preferred in person or phone calls, but he preferred it. we'd see each other once a week for a few hours and everything else was via email and text. after 3 months he was still sorta like a random acquaintance i'd just so happen to have kissed.0 -
It happens....if they are interested in you, they WILL want to talk to you. Been on both sides and that's just how it is basically....0
-
Why dont you just ask him??
Silly, I know..............but perhaps he's just busy?? Perhaps you said something to annoy him?? Perhaps he's in hospital??
A simple text saying "hey, you dont seem to be into this anymore, would that be correct, or are you have problems elsewhere that would explain your lack of contact? I would prefer you just be honest.........."
:flowerforyou:
Well, cause I'm a woman....I did just that! LOL I knew he was busy visiting with his sons etc. and that also included some travel, but I still know a simple text only takes a minute and lets the person know you are thinking of them or looking forward to seeing them again etc. This was a guy that was saying good morning to me daily via text or good night.
So I finally (after giving him all weekend and he had previously mentioned he "got bored easily") said "boy I guess you do get bored easily, but I'm guessing we weren't on the same page". Maybe not the best (I like yours better!!!), but after about 12 hours I got a lengthy text that started out "no, I didn't lose interest, but spent an extra night in VA, came home with a chest cold and my son took my truck to visit his mom....BUT after thinking about everything I've decided I'm really not prepared to turn back the clock 20 years...." (in regards to my young children vs his grown children).
We met online /dating site and my initial contact was "I'd love to meet you if you are open to me having young children", the pics in my profile include these children and on the first date once we established we were attracted to one another I reminded him at least 6 times about these young children. I also said that I would leave it up to him, now that we had met how he would like to proceede, because if these young children were a deal breaker I didn't want to bother starting anything"....so he texted and called like crazy insisting to keep an open mind on the children thing....but now that he spent a week with adult children he couldn't imagine young children again?!?!?! I'm not sure if he is using my kids as an excuse, but either way I let him know I appreciated him letting me know and that I understood where he was coming from. We left it on an ok note.
ETA - I never did introduce him to the kids, so it's not like he met them and then said "oh hell no" lol
So now my next question...if young children are a deal breaker....WHY would you date a woman with them???? UGH!!! LOL Especially from a dating site, where the profile pretty much includes all this important information of haves, must haves and must have nots?!?!?! It's not like we randomly met and feel for eachother than he learned about my kids.0 -
Why dont you just ask him??
Silly, I know..............but perhaps he's just busy?? Perhaps you said something to annoy him?? Perhaps he's in hospital??
A simple text saying "hey, you dont seem to be into this anymore, would that be correct, or are you have problems elsewhere that would explain your lack of contact? I would prefer you just be honest.........."
:flowerforyou:
Well, cause I'm a woman....I did just that! LOL I knew he was busy visiting with his sons etc. and that also included some travel, but I still know a simple text only takes a minute and lets the person know you are thinking of them or looking forward to seeing them again etc. This was a guy that was saying good morning to me daily via text or good night.
So I finally (after giving him all weekend and he had previously mentioned he "got bored easily") said "boy I guess you do get bored easily, but I'm guessing we weren't on the same page". Maybe not the best (I like yours better!!!), but after about 12 hours I got a lengthy text that started out "no, I didn't lose interest, but spent an extra night in VA, came home with a chest cold and my son took my truck to visit his mom....BUT after thinking about everything I've decided I'm really not prepared to turn back the clock 20 years...." (in regards to my young children vs his grown children).
We met online /dating site and my initial contact was "I'd love to meet you if you are open to me having young children", the pics in my profile include these children and on the first date once we established we were attracted to one another I reminded him at least 6 times about these young children. I also said that I would leave it up to him, now that we had met how he would like to proceede, because if these young children were a deal breaker I didn't want to bother starting anything"....so he texted and called like crazy insisting to keep an open mind on the children thing....but now that he spent a week with adult children he couldn't imagine young children again?!?!?! I'm not sure if he is using my kids as an excuse, but either way I let him know I appreciated him letting me know and that I understood where he was coming from. We left it on an ok note.
So now my next question...if young children are a deal breaker....WHY would you date a woman with them???? UGH!!! LOL Especially from a dating site, where the profile pretty much includes all this important information of haves, must haves and must have nots?!?!?! It's not like we randomly met and feel for eachother than he learned about my kids.
It was probably more on him than having anything to do with you. Sometimes you think you can handle something and then you realize you can't. Probably all the craziness came down on him and he thought .. oh good lord I can't do this again.
Sorry. :frown:0 -
I'm a fan of poofing or "pulling a hoodini" or ninja'd.... I honestly don't see any reason you have to break up with someone that you were texting with or went on a date with. If there is no relationship I guess it seems dumb to me to have to break up with the person. Wasn't it called "not getting a call back" before texting?
I think this is the standard and I'm fine with it.0 -
I'm a fan of poofing or "pulling a hoodini" or ninja'd.... I honestly don't see any reason you have to break up with someone that you were texting with or went on a date with. If there is no relationship I guess it seems dumb to me to have to break up with the person. Wasn't it called "not getting a call back" before texting?
I think this is the standard and I'm fine with it.
It is rude. Simple as that. If you have expended a decent amount of time, energy, emotion or even money with that other person, would it really kill you, for their sake, to let them know? Is it "breaking up", or simply being courteous?
I am not saying you have to. Sure, everyone should get the hint by you not calling back. But dating is hard nowadays. If you can make it easier for both yourself and someone else by being direct and honest, why wouldn't you?0 -
I'm a fan of poofing or "pulling a hoodini" or ninja'd.... I honestly don't see any reason you have to break up with someone that you were texting with or went on a date with. If there is no relationship I guess it seems dumb to me to have to break up with the person. Wasn't it called "not getting a call back" before texting?
I think this is the standard and I'm fine with it.
It is rude. Simple as that. If you have expended a decent amount of time, energy, emotion or even money with that other person, would it really kill you, for their sake, to let them know? Is it "breaking up", or simply being courteous?
I am not saying you have to. Sure, everyone should get the hint by you not calling back. But dating is hard nowadays. If you can make it easier for both yourself and someone else by being direct and honest, why wouldn't you?
I disagree. I think dating is easier than it's ever been. Communication and socializing has become so prolific people can't stop browsing the internet or responding to text messages despite being at dinner with real live people. You can meet a person you may never have come across in real life. You can get online and schedule dates for every night of the week.
Dating is easy.
Poncho is right, and I've said it before. This is nothing new. People stop talking to other people when they aren't interested anymore. You can consider it rude and send irate text messages but that doesn't do anything but affect you. I poof, and I've gotten those messages about how inconsiderate I am and how I am so rude and blah blah blah. You know what I do? Absolutely nothing. I read it and then go about my daily life - sometimes it might even give me a chuckle when they are particularly adamant. I owe them nothing.
I don't think it's a real "investment" of time, resources and energy to chat with someone, maybe meet them a couple times. It doesn't leave anything up for the imagination either. "Does he like me or did he lose interest?" well, the answer is in the silence. If there was interest there would be communication.0 -
I disagree. I think dating is easier than it's ever been. Communication and socializing has become so prolific people can't stop browsing the internet or responding to text messages despite being at dinner with real live people. You can meet a person you may never have come across in real life. You can get online and schedule dates for every night of the week.
Dating is easy.
It's because you're 24, dahling. Get married, have kids, get divorced and then let's revisit this topic.
I bet you won't say "Dating Is Easy" then......0 -
I'm a fan of poofing or "pulling a hoodini" or ninja'd.... I honestly don't see any reason you have to break up with someone that you were texting with or went on a date with. If there is no relationship I guess it seems dumb to me to have to break up with the person. Wasn't it called "not getting a call back" before texting?
I think this is the standard and I'm fine with it.
It is rude. Simple as that. If you have expended a decent amount of time, energy, emotion or even money with that other person, would it really kill you, for their sake, to let them know? Is it "breaking up", or simply being courteous?
I am not saying you have to. Sure, everyone should get the hint by you not calling back. But dating is hard nowadays. If you can make it easier for both yourself and someone else by being direct and honest, why wouldn't you?
I disagree. I think dating is easier than it's ever been. Communication and socializing has become so prolific people can't stop browsing the internet or responding to text messages despite being at dinner with real live people. You can meet a person you may never have come across in real life. You can get online and schedule dates for every night of the week.
Dating is easy.
Poncho is right, and I've said it before. This is nothing new. People stop talking to other people when they aren't interested anymore. You can consider it rude and send irate text messages but that doesn't do anything but affect you. I poof, and I've gotten those messages about how inconsiderate I am and how I am so rude and blah blah blah. You know what I do? Absolutely nothing. I read it and then go about my daily life - sometimes it might even give me a chuckle when they are particularly adamant. I owe them nothing.
I don't think it's a real "investment" of time, resources and energy to chat with someone, maybe meet them a couple times. It doesn't leave anything up for the imagination either. "Does he like me or did he lose interest?" well, the answer is in the silence. If there was interest there would be communication.
My feelings exactly... Does it really even need explanation of what it means when someone stops texting you. Let me answer it right now for all future threads, THEY AREN'T INTERESTED ANYMORE! If there was no poofing people would try to be nice and drag things out and it would just make it worse. Let's face it, dating hasn't been the dream scenario we would all hope, so lets stop being so sensitive and just face the facts, you are owed nothing until there is a commitment!0 -
Maybe I'm in the minority but if I enjoyed talking or texting someone, then I'm always open to maintaining a friendship even if we don't match for a relationship. That's why the disappearing act bothers me. If you tell me that I'm not the right girl for you, that's fine with me but I hate it when I've enjoyed someone's company and then they're just gone. It could be amplified by living in Los Angeles... it's really difficult to find good people to just hang out with here. Several of my good guy friends were a result of bad dates with really good people.0
-
1. Yes this is how people quit dating now - you poof - its awesome on the giving end, easier than an uncomfortable talk on the receiving end.
2. If he goes heavy and perfect the first month then it drops off, its cause he knows he got you and its not fun anymore and he probably did have either a change of heart, his work and school situation is bonkers or he's moved on to another shiny person, or maybe he's just having a bad couple of weeks and doesnt want to be required to turn on the charm for you when he just wants to close his eyes and get through some sht.0 -
In my experience, most people are a big fan of "pulling a Houdini" until it someone they really care about does it to them.0
-
I disagree. I think dating is easier than it's ever been. Communication and socializing has become so prolific people can't stop browsing the internet or responding to text messages despite being at dinner with real live people. You can meet a person you may never have come across in real life. You can get online and schedule dates for every night of the week.
Dating is easy.
It's because you're 24, dahling. Get married, have kids, get divorced and then let's revisit this topic.
I bet you won't say "Dating Is Easy" then......
I'm actually trying to avoid that last bit there.
But I maintain my statement. Dating IS easy. Finding a match, not so much, doesn't matter who you are (unless you just get lucky).0 -
In my experience, most people are a big fan of "pulling a Houdini" until it someone they really care about does it to them.
This is true, but I'd say after it's happened once you don't even bat an eye at it if it happens again.
For clarification, I'm not talking about a relationship, but I don't see a problem with it if it's been one date or a couple weeks of texting.
On online dating should a girl send an explanation of why they don't think it would work for every message they don't want to reply to??0 -
In my experience, most people are a big fan of "pulling a Houdini" until it someone they really care about does it to them.
This is true, but I'd say after it's happened once you don't even bat an eye at it if it happens again.
For clarification, I'm not talking about a relationship, but I don't see a problem with it if it's been one date or a couple weeks of texting.
On online dating should a girl send an explanation of why they don't think it would work for every message they don't want to reply to??
They should after you've had a date and continued to talk after the date. What I don't understand at all is when a girl goes on the date with you, seems to enjoy herself, talks to you AFTER the date, agrees to a second one...and then vanishes. At least give the courtesy of a reply and a goodbye.0 -
On online dating should a girl send an explanation of why they don't think it would work for every message they don't want to reply to??
If someone takes the time to send me a real message with sincerity then I do respond and try to give a reason why I don't think we'd make a good match. It comes down to treating others the way I want to be treated.0 -
I've done it before, it's usually because I've met someone else and I'm not sure where things are going so I just stall. It doesn't mean I don't like the other person but I feel like I have to choose one or the other. It's more about not knowing what to say than not having the balls to say it.
I don't feel too bad about it though, I can't count the number of times I've gone out with someone and then called them and never got a call back. Seems to be how things have gone since I started dating 20+ years ago.0 -
I'm a fan of poofing or "pulling a hoodini" or ninja'd.... I honestly don't see any reason you have to break up with someone that you were texting with or went on a date with. If there is no relationship I guess it seems dumb to me to have to break up with the person. Wasn't it called "not getting a call back" before texting?
I think this is the standard and I'm fine with it.
It is rude. Simple as that. If you have expended a decent amount of time, energy, emotion or even money with that other person, would it really kill you, for their sake, to let them know? Is it "breaking up", or simply being courteous?
I am not saying you have to. Sure, everyone should get the hint by you not calling back. But dating is hard nowadays. If you can make it easier for both yourself and someone else by being direct and honest, why wouldn't you?
I disagree. I think dating is easier than it's ever been. Communication and socializing has become so prolific people can't stop browsing the internet or responding to text messages despite being at dinner with real live people. You can meet a person you may never have come across in real life. You can get online and schedule dates for every night of the week.
Dating is easy.
Poncho is right, and I've said it before. This is nothing new. People stop talking to other people when they aren't interested anymore. You can consider it rude and send irate text messages but that doesn't do anything but affect you. I poof, and I've gotten those messages about how inconsiderate I am and how I am so rude and blah blah blah. You know what I do? Absolutely nothing. I read it and then go about my daily life - sometimes it might even give me a chuckle when they are particularly adamant. I owe them nothing.
I don't think it's a real "investment" of time, resources and energy to chat with someone, maybe meet them a couple times. It doesn't leave anything up for the imagination either. "Does he like me or did he lose interest?" well, the answer is in the silence. If there was interest there would be communication.
Yuck. This is the mentality that disgusts me. I hate women like this. Despise, actually.
And yes, it is a real investment of time for me to chat someone up for a couple weeks, meet them and buy them drinks, and set up another date. You don't owe me anything, no. But a ***** is a *****. Courtesy is still courtesy, the fact you owe them nothing is irrelevant.
But this mentality of yours is probably a result of dating being easy for you and you having no problem scheduling dates for every night of the week. If I was a serial dater like this and just along for the ride and easy, free dates...I'd probably be a **** too.0 -
On online dating should a girl send an explanation of why they don't think it would work for every message they don't want to reply to??
If someone takes the time to send me a real message with sincerity then I do respond and try to give a reason why I don't think we'd make a good match. It comes down to treating others the way I want to be treated.
I think you might just be the nicest person I've ever met... you are in the minority on that one!!0 -
I disagree. I think dating is easier than it's ever been. Communication and socializing has become so prolific people can't stop browsing the internet or responding to text messages despite being at dinner with real live people. You can meet a person you may never have come across in real life. You can get online and schedule dates for every night of the week.
Dating is easy.
It's because you're 24, dahling. Get married, have kids, get divorced and then let's revisit this topic.
I bet you won't say "Dating Is Easy" then......
Word.
--P0 -
I disagree. I think dating is easier than it's ever been. Communication and socializing has become so prolific people can't stop browsing the internet or responding to text messages despite being at dinner with real live people. You can meet a person you may never have come across in real life. You can get online and schedule dates for every night of the week.
Dating is easy.
It's because you're 24, dahling. Get married, have kids, get divorced and then let's revisit this topic.
I bet you won't say "Dating Is Easy" then......
Word.
--P
Can you do a Word x2? lol.0 -
I think I'm beginning to get an idea of why girls never text you back.Yuck. This is the mentality that disgusts me. I hate women like this. Despise, actually.
And yes, it is a real investment of time for me to chat someone up for a couple weeks, meet them and buy them drinks, and set up another date. You don't owe me anything, no. But a ***** is a *****. Courtesy is still courtesy, the fact you owe them nothing is irrelevant.
But this mentality of yours is probably a result of dating being easy for you and you having no problem scheduling dates for every night of the week. If I was a serial dater like this and just along for the ride and easy, free dates...I'd probably be a **** too.0 -
I think I'm beginning to get an idea of why girls never text you back.Yuck. This is the mentality that disgusts me. I hate women like this. Despise, actually.
And yes, it is a real investment of time for me to chat someone up for a couple weeks, meet them and buy them drinks, and set up another date. You don't owe me anything, no. But a ***** is a *****. Courtesy is still courtesy, the fact you owe them nothing is irrelevant.
But this mentality of yours is probably a result of dating being easy for you and you having no problem scheduling dates for every night of the week. If I was a serial dater like this and just along for the ride and easy, free dates...I'd probably be a **** too.
Explain. I'm actually nice in real life. I just call out **** when I see it online.0 -
On online dating should a girl send an explanation of why they don't think it would work for every message they don't want to reply to??
If someone takes the time to send me a real message with sincerity then I do respond and try to give a reason why I don't think we'd make a good match. It comes down to treating others the way I want to be treated.
I think you might just be the nicest person I've ever met... you are in the minority on that one!!
:blushing: Thanks. Just basic good manners IMO.0 -
I'm a fan of poofing or "pulling a hoodini" or ninja'd.... I honestly don't see any reason you have to break up with someone that you were texting with or went on a date with. If there is no relationship I guess it seems dumb to me to have to break up with the person. Wasn't it called "not getting a call back" before texting?
I think this is the standard and I'm fine with it.
It is rude. Simple as that. If you have expended a decent amount of time, energy, emotion or even money with that other person, would it really kill you, for their sake, to let them know? Is it "breaking up", or simply being courteous?
I am not saying you have to. Sure, everyone should get the hint by you not calling back. But dating is hard nowadays. If you can make it easier for both yourself and someone else by being direct and honest, why wouldn't you?
I disagree. I think dating is easier than it's ever been. Communication and socializing has become so prolific people can't stop browsing the internet or responding to text messages despite being at dinner with real live people. You can meet a person you may never have come across in real life. You can get online and schedule dates for every night of the week.
Dating is easy.
Poncho is right, and I've said it before. This is nothing new. People stop talking to other people when they aren't interested anymore. You can consider it rude and send irate text messages but that doesn't do anything but affect you. I poof, and I've gotten those messages about how inconsiderate I am and how I am so rude and blah blah blah. You know what I do? Absolutely nothing. I read it and then go about my daily life - sometimes it might even give me a chuckle when they are particularly adamant. I owe them nothing.
I don't think it's a real "investment" of time, resources and energy to chat with someone, maybe meet them a couple times. It doesn't leave anything up for the imagination either. "Does he like me or did he lose interest?" well, the answer is in the silence. If there was interest there would be communication.
Yuck. This is the mentality that disgusts me. I hate women like this. Despise, actually.
And yes, it is a real investment of time for me to chat someone up for a couple weeks, meet them and buy them drinks, and set up another date. You don't owe me anything, no. But a ***** is a *****. Courtesy is still courtesy, the fact you owe them nothing is irrelevant.
But this mentality of yours is probably a result of dating being easy for you and you having no problem scheduling dates for every night of the week. If I was a serial dater like this and just along for the ride and easy, free dates...I'd probably be a **** too.
What a big man you are! Look at you calling me names and making assumptions about my life because you don't agree with something that I said! You are such a catch, I am super bummed that you think I'm a b*tch. I'm usually so attracted to men that resort to petty name calling because our ideologies don't match up. Wow, I am just... so broken up about this.
Look dude, I'm not a serial dater. I haven't gone on a date in a while because I've got other *kitten* going on in my life. My POINT is that it's possible and easy to do so. Courtesy is courtesy? Listen up bro - societies and cultures have different definitions and expectations for social norms. If you think it's courteous to tell a gal you've been texting for a week that you aren't interested anymore then kudos to you. That's your prerogative. But if I choose not to tell a guy that I don't want to go on a date with him because I've gone from slightly interested to annoyed every time he sends me a text message, that doesn't make me a terrible human being. I'm not slamming a door in his face, I'm not refusing to hold the elevator doors open for him, I'm not standing by and watching an innocent person being mugged. It's nothing. It's petty. It's less than nothing. The fact that I owe them nothing is the entirety of relevancy. You're saying I should bother because some dude feels entitled toward my emotions and how I should behave? Bah.0 -
I do try my best to answer messages that have sincerity to them as well. I also agree with the idea that you may not make a romantic connection, but a friendship could absolutely evolve from it.
Respect for others (even strangers) seems to be a lost quality nowadays.
Honestly, the "Houdini" thing annoys me because I don't tend to go out with people I don't feel there is at least a little potential with. And I DO invest time, effort and some emotional vulnerability in it. I don't waste that on just anyone.
If I didn't feel it was reciprocated at the time, that would be one thing. But when you have had several dates, I'm sorry.. but get some manners, balls and just tell me you aren't interested. I'm not going to cry or convince you to change your mind, but at least I'd respect you.0 -
I think I'm beginning to get an idea of why girls never text you back.Yuck. This is the mentality that disgusts me. I hate women like this. Despise, actually.
And yes, it is a real investment of time for me to chat someone up for a couple weeks, meet them and buy them drinks, and set up another date. You don't owe me anything, no. But a ***** is a *****. Courtesy is still courtesy, the fact you owe them nothing is irrelevant.
But this mentality of yours is probably a result of dating being easy for you and you having no problem scheduling dates for every night of the week. If I was a serial dater like this and just along for the ride and easy, free dates...I'd probably be a **** too.
Explain. I'm actually nice in real life. I just call out **** when I see it online.
And they do txt me back actually. Almost always.
So you are admitting that you are only a bully on the internet? That's delightful.0
