Are there any Crunchy Mamas Out There?
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so I gave my OB my birth plan yesterday, at first I was real happy with how he responded but now I'm not too sure. He definitely is supportive of my no drugs and wanting to be able to move around and all that jazz. He even said he will hold off on an epesiotomy if I really want (he has an 80% epesiotmy rate for first babies YIKES!) But I said that i'd rather have a tear and would only want an epesiotomy if I rip forward and only if I say it's ok. He said that's fine so I'm OK with that.
the one thing I'm most concerned about is something that's really a big issue for me. I said i wanted to deliver in an uprite position and he was like "hmmmm, I don't know about that, I mean, I guess we do have the squat bars" but it kinda sounds like I can ONLY deliver on the bed and really how much does the squat bar on the bed help? I DO NOT WANT TO DELIVER LAYING DOWN!!! So, what do you all think?
Make yourself very clear... tell him that you have done your research, and lithomy position is biologically the second worst position to give birth in (second to hanging from your feet). Episiotomies are an outdated practice... it is a little scary that he does them so often when studies have shown that women heal better from tearing than being cut. Good luck... just be very stubborn about what you want! Just go in there with knowledge and don't take no for an answer! Have you had any luck finding a doula?
no, I kinda gave up on the doula. But hubby said he is more than prepared to advocate my birthplan and tell the nurses to do what I want. Also, assuming I am on or after my due date, my sister will be there and she has had one home birth and one in a birthing center as well as a bad hospital birth so she will be good at helping me with things too. She says "if you are on the birthing ball and decide you want to deliver there they can't physically make you move so...."0 -
I think it's so sad that we have to worry about being pushy and saying no just to get births that follow evidence based best practice. Even here in the UK, where my hospital birth was midwife led and drug free, I was still coherced into giving birth on my back so they could continually monitor baby's heartbeat for no good reason. The pain was much worse on my back. Thankfully I wasn't at the hospital long before having her but had I been older or more experienced I would have said no and done whatever i wanted to. Like I will during my homebirth this time.
Does anyone have experience of tearing and refusing stiches? I had a second degree tear last time, mostly due to the fact that no one was in the room when I actually had her. So I pushed her out without anyone applying counterpressure or guiding me into breathing the head out rather than pushing it out. I didn't want stitches and the midwife was really rude and make a big deal about it saying my uterus would fall out if I didn't have them. I finally agreed and she messed them up so badly I had to have loads of raw skin lasered off 5 months later. That whole 5 months it burned when I used the toilet and I wouldn't let my husband anywhere near me. So I'm pretty scared of a repeat this time. I'm birthing in water this time, so hoping that helps? But considering refusing the stitches if I tear again. Any thoughts?0 -
I think it's so sad that we have to worry about being pushy and saying no just to get births that follow evidence based best practice. Even here in the UK, where my hospital birth was midwife led and drug free, I was still coherced into giving birth on my back so they could continually monitor baby's heartbeat for no good reason. The pain was much worse on my back. Thankfully I wasn't at the hospital long before having her but had I been older or more experienced I would have said no and done whatever i wanted to. Like I will during my homebirth this time.
Does anyone have experience of tearing and refusing stiches? I had a second degree tear last time, mostly due to the fact that no one was in the room when I actually had her. So I pushed her out without anyone applying counterpressure or guiding me into breathing the head out rather than pushing it out. I didn't want stitches and the midwife was really rude and make a big deal about it saying my uterus would fall out if I didn't have them. I finally agreed and she messed them up so badly I had to have loads of raw skin lasered off 5 months later. That whole 5 months it burned when I used the toilet and I wouldn't let my husband anywhere near me. So I'm pretty scared of a repeat this time. I'm birthing in water this time, so hoping that helps? But considering refusing the stitches if I tear again. Any thoughts?
I have never heard of refusing stitches... even though you had a bad experience, if needed, I would still get stitches with tearing.. to me it would be like cutting your finger badly and sticking a band- aid on it instead of getting stitches. The stitches aid in the healing of the tear. Have you considered a water birth? The chances of tearing are less in the water, you can also do pernieal massage to help stretch the tissue and try birthing in a different position. I had tearing with my first baby and found out that I don't dissolve sutures, so I need to have mine removed post- partum anyway. Luckily, I didn't tear with my second or third.0 -
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I have never heard of refusing stitches... even though you had a bad experience, if needed, I would still get stitches with tearing.. to me it would be like cutting your finger badly and sticking a band- aid on it instead of getting stitches. The stitches aid in the healing of the tear. Have you considered a water birth? The chances of tearing are less in the water, you can also do pernieal massage to help stretch the tissue and try birthing in a different position. I had tearing with my first baby and found out that I don't dissolve sutures, so I need to have mine removed post- partum anyway. Luckily, I didn't tear with my second or third.
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I've read a bit on it, and it sounds like unless you get a 3rd or 4th degree tear, your chances of healing fine without stitches are pretty good. I honestly thought the pain of the stitches was much worse than the birth. It takes a long time for anasthetic to work on me, and despite telling the midwife this she went ahead anyway and I was jumping all over the bed while she tried to stitch me up. Honestly the agony I was in for 5 months afterwards plus the later lasering off of the skin couldn't be worse than anything that could happen had I refused. I know quite a few people with similar situations who had to be recut and restitched after 6 months-year because the stitches weren't done well and didn't heal correctly. I am doing a water birth this time, with that in mind and hoping it will help. I will also be doing perineal massage, although from what I've read its success in reduction of tearing is only about 6%. What positions would be best? I was flat on my back last time but will be in a birthing pool this time. Seriously considering refusing should I get a 1st or 2nd degree tear.0 -
I am rather crunchy All natural birth last time and same thing this time. This will be my second. I picked a midwife that won't allow home births but she will let me leave the hospital directly after having the baby which is what I did with my first also. I understand the liability of a home birth and I can respect my midwife for wanting me in the hospital but I am super happy that she will let me leave within an hour of having the baby. With my first I went to my best friend wedding, which I was in, 48 hours after having him which was really great. The first one I BF for 14 months and I plan to BF this one also. I will find out in two weeks if I am having twins. I hope that I will get to keep the same birth plan if it is twins but I guess if I have them early I might have to adjust the plan. I make all my own baby food and baby wear and co-sleep(for BF reasons). I love that there are so many other crunchy moms out there 0
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I have never heard of refusing stitches... even though you had a bad experience, if needed, I would still get stitches with tearing.. to me it would be like cutting your finger badly and sticking a band- aid on it instead of getting stitches. The stitches aid in the healing of the tear. Have you considered a water birth? The chances of tearing are less in the water, you can also do pernieal massage to help stretch the tissue and try birthing in a different position. I had tearing with my first baby and found out that I don't dissolve sutures, so I need to have mine removed post- partum anyway. Luckily, I didn't tear with my second or third.
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I've read a bit on it, and it sounds like unless you get a 3rd or 4th degree tear, your chances of healing fine without stitches are pretty good. I honestly thought the pain of the stitches was much worse than the birth. It takes a long time for anasthetic to work on me, and despite telling the midwife this she went ahead anyway and I was jumping all over the bed while she tried to stitch me up. Honestly the agony I was in for 5 months afterwards plus the later lasering off of the skin couldn't be worse than anything that could happen had I refused. I know quite a few people with similar situations who had to be recut and restitched after 6 months-year because the stitches weren't done well and didn't heal correctly. I am doing a water birth this time, with that in mind and hoping it will help. I will also be doing perineal massage, although from what I've read its success in reduction of tearing is only about 6%. What positions would be best? I was flat on my back last time but will be in a birthing pool this time. Seriously considering refusing should I get a 1st or 2nd degree tear.
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On your back is pretty much the worst position, but squatting or on all fours increases your pelvic width, making pushing easier.0 -
Ok, I once more need input. I have an appt next Wed with my OB so I'm going to talk to him about why he seemed hesitant with the uprite birthing position and what positions he would consider and all that jazz but I got a list of midwives that are approved by my insurance so i'm thinking of switching. I mentioned wanting access to the birthing tub in my birth plan and he was kinda like "um, yeah, ok...it's a lot easier just to use the shower which they have in each room"
I just got off the phone with an office that has a midwife and an OB and from talking to them they seem really open to just about anything. I asked if they would do water birth and she said i'd have to specifically talk to the midwife but that she is very open to various positions and what not. They also said that they only do c-section if totally necessary, as in, you can't even request a c-section which I like. So what i'm wondering is, do I just switch or do I follow up with my OB first?
I really like my OB but I also don't want to feel like I need to convince my doctor of the birth that I want. I know that either way I'll have to deal with hospital staff but I like the idea of having a midwife and a female...someone who has confidence in the woman's body ability to do what it's supposed to0 -
@emily:
i'm only going on gut feeling about human nature, here, but i think that a conventional doc who questions your birth plan will be even more likely to question that during the birth (or maybe be even more likely to be controlling of your birth because he is 'the expert'). it just seems that most of the negative stories i hear have to do with so-called emergency situations during birth and the physicians really have a way of scaring women into doing the thing that is easiest and least time-consuming for the doc.
i've chosen a midwife for my first birth because i know i'm anxious and will be prone to being agreeable with 'the expert' in the moment. i didn't totally understand your scenario but i have the impression that by definition, midwives are automatically all more open to alternate birthing positions and more accepting of the fact that birth TAKES TIME (something docs don't allow for and don't want to because time=money).0 -
I need to friend ya'll!
BTW, for some of you who might feel that you are the only 'crunchy mama' around, my city has a huge yahoo group for 'attachment parenting' that is very active. You might be able to find something in your own communities to plug in to. Maybe a Meetup group or a Yahoo group?
Carrie0 -
Ok, I once more need input. I have an appt next Wed with my OB so I'm going to talk to him about why he seemed hesitant with the uprite birthing position and what positions he would consider and all that jazz but I got a list of midwives that are approved by my insurance so i'm thinking of switching. I mentioned wanting access to the birthing tub in my birth plan and he was kinda like "um, yeah, ok...it's a lot easier just to use the shower which they have in each room"
I just got off the phone with an office that has a midwife and an OB and from talking to them they seem really open to just about anything. I asked if they would do water birth and she said i'd have to specifically talk to the midwife but that she is very open to various positions and what not. They also said that they only do c-section if totally necessary, as in, you can't even request a c-section which I like. So what i'm wondering is, do I just switch or do I follow up with my OB first?
I really like my OB but I also don't want to feel like I need to convince my doctor of the birth that I want. I know that either way I'll have to deal with hospital staff but I like the idea of having a midwife and a female...someone who has confidence in the woman's body ability to do what it's supposed to
It is hard to do, especially this far into the pregnancy, but you have to do what feels right. Don't compromise yourself or the birth that you want. I would see if you could have a consultation visit with the other practice/ midwife and see what vibes you get from them. Good luck!!! It is a tough decision!!!0 -
scheduling a consult for after my next appt with my OB. I can't wait to meet the midwife and see what she has to say. If she's open to my birth plan I'm gonna be so stoked! It would even be better if she'd be willing to do a water birth. (I'm not sure that's what I want but it would be nice to know it's an option)0
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I am a fairly crunchy parent: baby wearing, baby-led weaning and BF my son until he was 3.5 years old. We used cloth nappies (diapers) too, and as we knew a bit about how babies communicate their need to relieve themselves, he'd stopped Pooing in them by about 6 months, for which I am very grateful!
I had planned a very crunchy birth, but it ended up almost exactly the same as the one described at the start of the Sears baby book. I couldn't even sit on the birthing ball because they needed to monitor my DS's heartbeat because they thought he was in distress. However, I understand their caution. My cousin's baby died during birth, and maybe, just maybe, if they'd been monitoring her heartbeat at the time (the umbilical chord wrapped round her shoulder, cutting the oxygen to her brain), she would be here today. It is hard to judge what is 'necessary'. I felt very much coerced into signing the form accepting that I was going to be induced, a procedure which actually stopped the contractions.
I think, for this time, I'd say no to being induced, no to gas and air (which I tried just out of curiosity really) and what I'd be more insistent about would be what happened after the birth. I asked for an epidural last time because I knew a C-section seemed likely and wanted to make that easier to time, plus I was rather bored of pain without progress (24 hours in!).
In case anyone gets the impression that the UK is a land of milk and honey and midwives for all, I'd like to explain a few things. Normally, you won't know your midwife/midwives as it will be whoever is on shift at that moment in time. We also don't have our own OB - if a Dr is needed, it's whoever is on duty. I don't know enough about birth to comment on their help there, but none of the midwives spotted my son's tongue-tie, despite my saying that something was wrong and gave terrible advice, such as that the whole aureole had to fit in the baby's mouth. It was a local midwife who spotted the tongue tie and a La Leche League leader who helped me with positioning, while a BF specialist prescribed me Domperidone to help get my son off formula. So, basically there are issues with our system too.
One of the lovely things about planning on doing this a second time is that I have proof, via my son, that we know what choices suit our family. The one thing I'd like to try is co-sleeping, to avoid getting up and down in the night.0 -
I thought I had posted an update on my visit with the midwife but apparently not. I went to my visit, the midwife seemed great but she pretty much said I wouldn’t have much better luck with the OB that was part of that practice as I have had with my own doctor. She also said that unless I go into labor on the weekend I’ll end up with the OB not her so I had decided that I’d just stick with my OB since I was already familiar with him.
WELL yesterday I went to the breast feeding class and the lady teaching it was totally a crunchy mama. When I told her who my doc was she looked at me all wide eyed and said “I think you might be in the wrong practice.” When I said that though he didn’t seem happy about my birth plan he seemed supportive of it one of the other ladies (who is seeing my OB’s partner) said she was surprised to hear that because her OB is very into interventions and she wouldn’t think he would be supportive of a natural birth. Part of me sensed that my OB might just be trying to placate me by playing along but it seemed like as long as I was insistent about what I wanted he would go for it.
Anyway, to make a long story short, the other couple that is in the same practice as me said that everyone they know who has delivered with that practice has had a c-section and the dad read online that the c-section rate at 80% (I figure I have been unable to find) To me, 80% is completely unacceptable! It’s especially unacceptable because my doc said it was 40% (which is high but average for the area). The nurse said that sounds about right for those two doctors.
So, now I’m considering the midwife again. One of the ladies mentioned having had the midwife and loving her and told me how great she was. I asked about the OB and she said that while he is very epidural happy he is not intervention happy. I’m 32 weeks so I feel like a decision needs to be made ASAP I’m just not sure where to go. I feel like I don’t have time to really access between the two doctors since I’m so close to the end….grr, thoughts?0 -
Crunchy mama here, babywearing and clothdiapering, attended by a midwife first birth but ended up transferring for an emergency c with #1. Hoping to have my natural vbac this go round 0
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I thought I had posted an update on my visit with the midwife but apparently not. I went to my visit, the midwife seemed great but she pretty much said I wouldn’t have much better luck with the OB that was part of that practice as I have had with my own doctor. She also said that unless I go into labor on the weekend I’ll end up with the OB not her so I had decided that I’d just stick with my OB since I was already familiar with him.
WELL yesterday I went to the breast feeding class and the lady teaching it was totally a crunchy mama. When I told her who my doc was she looked at me all wide eyed and said “I think you might be in the wrong practice.” When I said that though he didn’t seem happy about my birth plan he seemed supportive of it one of the other ladies (who is seeing my OB’s partner) said she was surprised to hear that because her OB is very into interventions and she wouldn’t think he would be supportive of a natural birth. Part of me sensed that my OB might just be trying to placate me by playing along but it seemed like as long as I was insistent about what I wanted he would go for it.
Anyway, to make a long story short, the other couple that is in the same practice as me said that everyone they know who has delivered with that practice has had a c-section and the dad read online that the c-section rate at 80% (I figure I have been unable to find) To me, 80% is completely unacceptable! It’s especially unacceptable because my doc said it was 40% (which is high but average for the area). The nurse said that sounds about right for those two doctors.
So, now I’m considering the midwife again. One of the ladies mentioned having had the midwife and loving her and told me how great she was. I asked about the OB and she said that while he is very epidural happy he is not intervention happy. I’m 32 weeks so I feel like a decision needs to be made ASAP I’m just not sure where to go. I feel like I don’t have time to really access between the two doctors since I’m so close to the end….grr, thoughts?
Goodness! I am sorry that you are having to deal with all of this, but I am sort of in the same boat. First off, I honestly think you need to find a different provider. One that is all about YOU doing YOUR birth YOUR way. No excuses. They shouldn't merely "tolerate" natural birth- they should encourage you if that is what you want to do. That is the problem I ran into with my doctor and the clinic she works in.
As for the doc who is "epidural happy" but not "intervention happy", its the same thing. Epidurals are interventions, and ones that can come with a lot of consequences. Generally, one intervention leads to another and another, and each intervention gets you closer to a C-section. I have done a TON of ready about this.
This is your body. Your baby. Your birth. Don't go with someone who will just tolerate your ideas. You need someone who will encourage you, support you, and help you achieve the birth you want. Believe me- I tried to do a natural, intervention-free birth in a hospital, and they were not encouraging. They tolerated me for a while, and then started interfering and offering drugs. This time, my doctors clinic started treating me as if pregnancy was some sort of disease I contracted. I do not like that general attitude at all. Birth is a natural thing, and our bodies are perfectly capable of handling it. Interventions are not as necessary as everyone thinks. I am nearly 30 weeks, and I am switching to a midwife, too. I encourage you to look around for a midwife. Do they have one that has an independent practice?0 -
I thought I had posted an update on my visit with the midwife but apparently not. I went to my visit, the midwife seemed great but she pretty much said I wouldn’t have much better luck with the OB that was part of that practice as I have had with my own doctor. She also said that unless I go into labor on the weekend I’ll end up with the OB not her so I had decided that I’d just stick with my OB since I was already familiar with him.
WELL yesterday I went to the breast feeding class and the lady teaching it was totally a crunchy mama. When I told her who my doc was she looked at me all wide eyed and said “I think you might be in the wrong practice.” When I said that though he didn’t seem happy about my birth plan he seemed supportive of it one of the other ladies (who is seeing my OB’s partner) said she was surprised to hear that because her OB is very into interventions and she wouldn’t think he would be supportive of a natural birth. Part of me sensed that my OB might just be trying to placate me by playing along but it seemed like as long as I was insistent about what I wanted he would go for it.
Anyway, to make a long story short, the other couple that is in the same practice as me said that everyone they know who has delivered with that practice has had a c-section and the dad read online that the c-section rate at 80% (I figure I have been unable to find) To me, 80% is completely unacceptable! It’s especially unacceptable because my doc said it was 40% (which is high but average for the area). The nurse said that sounds about right for those two doctors.
So, now I’m considering the midwife again. One of the ladies mentioned having had the midwife and loving her and told me how great she was. I asked about the OB and she said that while he is very epidural happy he is not intervention happy. I’m 32 weeks so I feel like a decision needs to be made ASAP I’m just not sure where to go. I feel like I don’t have time to really access between the two doctors since I’m so close to the end….grr, thoughts?
Goodness! I am sorry that you are having to deal with all of this, but I am sort of in the same boat. First off, I honestly think you need to find a different provider. One that is all about YOU doing YOUR birth YOUR way. No excuses. They shouldn't merely "tolerate" natural birth- they should encourage you if that is what you want to do. That is the problem I ran into with my doctor and the clinic she works in.
As for the doc who is "epidural happy" but not "intervention happy", its the same thing. Epidurals are interventions, and ones that can come with a lot of consequences. Generally, one intervention leads to another and another, and each intervention gets you closer to a C-section. I have done a TON of ready about this.
This is your body. Your baby. Your birth. Don't go with someone who will just tolerate your ideas. You need someone who will encourage you, support you, and help you achieve the birth you want. Believe me- I tried to do a natural, intervention-free birth in a hospital, and they were not encouraging. They tolerated me for a while, and then started interfering and offering drugs. This time, my doctors clinic started treating me as if pregnancy was some sort of disease I contracted. I do not like that general attitude at all. Birth is a natural thing, and our bodies are perfectly capable of handling it. Interventions are not as necessary as everyone thinks. I am nearly 30 weeks, and I am switching to a midwife, too. I encourage you to look around for a midwife. Do they have one that has an independent practice?
I agree that epidural often equals intervention but I figure it's easier to avoid an epidural (and by doing so hopefully avoid everything else) than try to convince a doc who wants to give me an epesiotomy, induction or section that it's something I don't want. Unfortunatly there are no independent midwives covered by my insurance
Based off of everyone I've talked to the other office is my best bet....but I looked up the OBs reviews and they are pretty terrible! I looked up my current offices reviews and they are a bit better but the one that actually was more than just a survey said that the other doc in the practice told her she could to a VBAC and then in her 8th month changed his mind and said that the baby would die if she tried VBAC, she switched doctors and everything was fine. So I need to decide between the doc that has "terrible bedside mannor and is rude" (the one with the midwife) or the doc that seems inclined toward the bait and switch 0 -
Hey crunchy Mamas! Has anyone here switched prenatal providers late into their pregnancy? I am 29 weeks with baby #3, and I have been going to the same doctor that I've had since I was pregnant with my first daughter, who was also my OB while I was pregnant with my son. I like her a lot, but a lot has changed, even in the 4 years since I had my son.
A couple weeks ago, the clinic had to reschedule my appointment because my doctor was out tending to her sick kids. I totally understood, but opted to wait for her to get back instead of seeing the new doctor because I had things I wanted to discuss with my doc. Then I get a call the day before my rescheduled appointment, saying that she is out again because she caught the flu, but they don't want me to wait for her to come in. They insisted that I see this new doctor. My husband said it was because they just want to get my appointment done and out of the way so they can charge me for it. I just kind of laughed (although, he is kind of in the medical field and deals with that clinic on a weekly basis, so maybe he knew something I didn't).
I sucked it up and met with the new doctor. That's where it goes down hill. First, I had opted out of the glucose test, which was fine with my doc. I have never had GD, no one in my family has had GD or diabetes, and I eat a healthy diet and exercise regularly. This "new doc" had a different assistant, who had no idea what she was doing. That's always annoying. She did a finger poke, just to check my blood sugar (something they insisted on doing since I opted out of the actual test). Then my doctor's 2nd assistant came in and poked my other finger, and said that they needed it to check my blood sugar for the past 3 months. I have no idea how that works. But it was annoying. Then she says we have to send out my urine sample for lab testing. Wait, for what? And they need to do a blood draw to check my anemia... At this point two people are in there, barking out what needs to be done, and I can't get a word in edge-wise.
Finally, I see the new doc. She also has no idea what she is doing. She doesn't know how to measure the height of the fundus, and has to measure twice. Then, unlike my doctor, she leaves me laying there. Um, lady, you do know that its next to impossible for me to get off my back on a hospital bed when I have a huge belly and my ab muscles have separated, right?
After that, I have to schedule my follow-up appointment. What an ordeal. My doctor's clinic is so jam-packed that they can't schedule me for 2 weeks out- when they generally start scheduling you at 28 weeks. The assistant wants to know if I can come in again in 4 days. No. That's not 2 weeks, and I just had a check up. I don't need another in 4 days. So she asks if I will see the new doctor again. No. I have things to discuss with MY doctor. Finally she finds a spot and gets me scheduled.
And at that point, I am done. Done with the whole thing. I should not be treated as though pregnancy is some disease that requires me to be poked and prodded to high heaven when I have a normal pregnancy. What on earth do they do for a high-risk one!? I should not have to fight to get an appointment with my OB. If she has so many patients that its takes 15 minutes just find a spot to squeak me in, then I am not getting the care I need.
Yesterday I got a call saying that my urine culture came back clear of bladder infection. Sheesh, that's what they tested for? Good grief people, I know I don't have a bladder infection! But now I will get a lovely lab bill for that.
I sent a message to a midwife I know immediately after my appointment. I need clearance from my doctor because I have a slight pelvic organ prolapse. So I do have to go in again once more. How do I tell my doctor nicely that I would like to switch to a midwife and have a home birth so late in the pregnancy? I don't want to hurt her feelings. Its not her fault- its just how this assembly-line system of "care" works. But I can't do it anymore.
Sorry for the super-long winded post, but I would appreciate anyone who has some thoughts on this!0 -
I feel you girl! I wish there were more stand alone practices. It's so hard to find a practice where you like ALL the doctors. I would tell her you have loved her care for the last 4 years but after your visit with the other doctor you think it's time to go to a more natural, holistic doctor. Be honest without being rude. I'm struggling with how I will probably tell my doc I am switching. I like him as an individual and, if I weren't pregnant, he'd probably be a great gyno but our ideas don't gel on what birth and pregnancy should be like.
I hope you get the homebirth you want...I feel like a doc would take "we decided we want a home birth" better than "We are switching practices" simply because you are switching for something that your current doc doesn't offer, and if she can't deliver what you want then you need a new person0 -
I thought I had posted an update on my visit with the midwife but apparently not. I went to my visit, the midwife seemed great but she pretty much said I wouldn’t have much better luck with the OB that was part of that practice as I have had with my own doctor. She also said that unless I go into labor on the weekend I’ll end up with the OB not her so I had decided that I’d just stick with my OB since I was already familiar with him.
WELL yesterday I went to the breast feeding class and the lady teaching it was totally a crunchy mama. When I told her who my doc was she looked at me all wide eyed and said “I think you might be in the wrong practice.” When I said that though he didn’t seem happy about my birth plan he seemed supportive of it one of the other ladies (who is seeing my OB’s partner) said she was surprised to hear that because her OB is very into interventions and she wouldn’t think he would be supportive of a natural birth. Part of me sensed that my OB might just be trying to placate me by playing along but it seemed like as long as I was insistent about what I wanted he would go for it.
Anyway, to make a long story short, the other couple that is in the same practice as me said that everyone they know who has delivered with that practice has had a c-section and the dad read online that the c-section rate at 80% (I figure I have been unable to find) To me, 80% is completely unacceptable! It’s especially unacceptable because my doc said it was 40% (which is high but average for the area). The nurse said that sounds about right for those two doctors.
So, now I’m considering the midwife again. One of the ladies mentioned having had the midwife and loving her and told me how great she was. I asked about the OB and she said that while he is very epidural happy he is not intervention happy. I’m 32 weeks so I feel like a decision needs to be made ASAP I’m just not sure where to go. I feel like I don’t have time to really access between the two doctors since I’m so close to the end….grr, thoughts?
Is it definately only a choice between these two? Is there anyone else you can try to meet with who might be better? I know it's hard when you are so close. Regardless of who ends up delivering your baby, there is a lot that you yourself can do. Firstly remember that no one can do anything without your consent. You can read up as much as is possible on all the things that might happen when you are in labour and what you can do about them before trying for an intervention.
What I would consider most helpful is 1. letting labour start on it own 2. Staying at home as long as possible (I'm seriously meaning leaving it until contractions are 2-3 minutes apart) 3. Making sure your husband knows what you want and is as firm as you need him to be. If they come at you with drugs, you can both be firm in saying no, or if you are feeling weak he can say no for you. He can be strong for you. and 4. Being able to move/be in position of choice in labour
Just remember, no matter what the doctor wants you can say no to an induction (even at 42 weeks), an epidural, a catheter, being on your back, an episiotomy, you can push as long as you feel comfortable and no one can stop you! You are the boss.
If you end up with one of these OB's I would really consider a doula!0 -
I thought I had posted an update on my visit with the midwife but apparently not. I went to my visit, the midwife seemed great but she pretty much said I wouldn’t have much better luck with the OB that was part of that practice as I have had with my own doctor. She also said that unless I go into labor on the weekend I’ll end up with the OB not her so I had decided that I’d just stick with my OB since I was already familiar with him.
WELL yesterday I went to the breast feeding class and the lady teaching it was totally a crunchy mama. When I told her who my doc was she looked at me all wide eyed and said “I think you might be in the wrong practice.” When I said that though he didn’t seem happy about my birth plan he seemed supportive of it one of the other ladies (who is seeing my OB’s partner) said she was surprised to hear that because her OB is very into interventions and she wouldn’t think he would be supportive of a natural birth. Part of me sensed that my OB might just be trying to placate me by playing along but it seemed like as long as I was insistent about what I wanted he would go for it.
Anyway, to make a long story short, the other couple that is in the same practice as me said that everyone they know who has delivered with that practice has had a c-section and the dad read online that the c-section rate at 80% (I figure I have been unable to find) To me, 80% is completely unacceptable! It’s especially unacceptable because my doc said it was 40% (which is high but average for the area). The nurse said that sounds about right for those two doctors.
So, now I’m considering the midwife again. One of the ladies mentioned having had the midwife and loving her and told me how great she was. I asked about the OB and she said that while he is very epidural happy he is not intervention happy. I’m 32 weeks so I feel like a decision needs to be made ASAP I’m just not sure where to go. I feel like I don’t have time to really access between the two doctors since I’m so close to the end….grr, thoughts?
Is it definately only a choice between these two? Is there anyone else you can try to meet with who might be better? I know it's hard when you are so close. Regardless of who ends up delivering your baby, there is a lot that you yourself can do. Firstly remember that no one can do anything without your consent. You can read up as much as is possible on all the things that might happen when you are in labour and what you can do about them before trying for an intervention.
What I would consider most helpful is 1. letting labour start on it own 2. Staying at home as long as possible (I'm seriously meaning leaving it until contractions are 2-3 minutes apart) 3. Making sure your husband knows what you want and is as firm as you need him to be. If they come at you with drugs, you can both be firm in saying no, or if you are feeling weak he can say no for you. He can be strong for you. and 4. Being able to move/be in position of choice in labour
Just remember, no matter what the doctor wants you can say no to an induction (even at 42 weeks), an epidural, a catheter, being on your back, an episiotomy, you can push as long as you feel comfortable and no one can stop you! You are the boss.
If you end up with one of these OB's I would really consider a doula!
^^^ Great advice! You are in control of the whole thing- don't let the doctors/nurses tell you otherwise, or make you feel otherwise. You are not there to appease them. They are working for you. You can be polite but you need to be firm for sure. And husbands can come in handy with that when you are focused on other things. 0 -
I feel you girl! I wish there were more stand alone practices. It's so hard to find a practice where you like ALL the doctors. I would tell her you have loved her care for the last 4 years but after your visit with the other doctor you think it's time to go to a more natural, holistic doctor. Be honest without being rude. I'm struggling with how I will probably tell my doc I am switching. I like him as an individual and, if I weren't pregnant, he'd probably be a great gyno but our ideas don't gel on what birth and pregnancy should be like.
I hope you get the homebirth you want...I feel like a doc would take "we decided we want a home birth" better than "We are switching practices" simply because you are switching for something that your current doc doesn't offer, and if she can't deliver what you want then you need a new person
Thank you. I think that saying "we decided we want a home birth" seemed a lot less offensive, too. I have always said that it would be perfect if my OB did home births- then I'd have everything I want! She really is a good doctor, and has always been very understanding and respectful. But I can't deal with how her office is run anymore. Thanks for the input
Also, do you think I need to wait until my appointment to do this, or call her? I don't want to get charged for another appointment, and I certainly don't want to waste her time just to tell her that I am switching. I just don't want to seem rude or like I am just brushing her off.0 -
I feel you girl! I wish there were more stand alone practices. It's so hard to find a practice where you like ALL the doctors. I would tell her you have loved her care for the last 4 years but after your visit with the other doctor you think it's time to go to a more natural, holistic doctor. Be honest without being rude. I'm struggling with how I will probably tell my doc I am switching. I like him as an individual and, if I weren't pregnant, he'd probably be a great gyno but our ideas don't gel on what birth and pregnancy should be like.
I hope you get the homebirth you want...I feel like a doc would take "we decided we want a home birth" better than "We are switching practices" simply because you are switching for something that your current doc doesn't offer, and if she can't deliver what you want then you need a new person
Thank you. I think that saying "we decided we want a home birth" seemed a lot less offensive, too. I have always said that it would be perfect if my OB did home births- then I'd have everything I want! She really is a good doctor, and has always been very understanding and respectful. But I can't deal with how her office is run anymore. Thanks for the input
Also, do you think I need to wait until my appointment to do this, or call her? I don't want to get charged for another appointment, and I certainly don't want to waste her time just to tell her that I am switching. I just don't want to seem rude or like I am just brushing her off.
If you have nothing else other than to say "hey we are switching" I would just call. It's not like a boyfriend where you "owe" it to them to break up in person (though i kinda feel that way too). You should have to pay just to say "btw I'm switching." When I make up my mind I will be calling the office and if they ask me why I'm switching I'll explain it simply because I think they need to know they are losing patients by not being natural birth friendly. It's a shame when you can't get everything you want from a doctor not because of the doctor but because of the practice.
Hubby really wants me to switch to the midwife because he thinks that he'll be worrying about me. His friend said they went to a doc in this area (he thinks it was my docs partner) and they kept saying he was on board with her birth plan and then he basically said "no we don't care about your birth plan" during the labor. I really don't want that0 -
Is it definately only a choice between these two? Is there anyone else you can try to meet with who might be better? I know it's hard when you are so close. Regardless of who ends up delivering your baby, there is a lot that you yourself can do. Firstly remember that no one can do anything without your consent. You can read up as much as is possible on all the things that might happen when you are in labour and what you can do about them before trying for an intervention.
What I would consider most helpful is 1. letting labour start on it own 2. Staying at home as long as possible (I'm seriously meaning leaving it until contractions are 2-3 minutes apart) 3. Making sure your husband knows what you want and is as firm as you need him to be. If they come at you with drugs, you can both be firm in saying no, or if you are feeling weak he can say no for you. He can be strong for you. and 4. Being able to move/be in position of choice in labour
Just remember, no matter what the doctor wants you can say no to an induction (even at 42 weeks), an epidural, a catheter, being on your back, an episiotomy, you can push as long as you feel comfortable and no one can stop you! You are the boss.
If you end up with one of these OB's I would really consider a doula!
Thanks for the input Kelly, and for the little pep talk. Hubby is definitely more than willing to speak on my behalf which is great. And as long as she is ontime or late my sister and my mom will both be there and they are totally on board with my birth plan so they will help manage the doctors as well. Unfortunately it is pretty much between those two doctors. The only other practice in the area covered by my insurance has a ton of doctors and you don't get to pick one that you prefer so I really don't like the idea of having to get more than 10 doctors on board with my birth plan. The midwife comes very highly recommended so I'm going to talk to the friend who recommended her and see if she ever met with the OB and how she felt about him. I know that in the last year or two is when they switched it so now you have to meet with the doc and the midwife, and previously the wife was on call more but now it's more the doctor. So we shall see. I think I'm going to try to schedule another consult at the other office and see if I can meet with the OB to see what I think. If I get a bad vib I'll stick with my current doc....I'm also bringing my birth plan right away so I can see what he says about it0 -
got an appt to meet the doc at the other practice, I'm nervous about it lol....it's like going on a blind date when you already have a boyfriend haha0
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got an appt to meet the doc at the other practice, I'm nervous about it lol....it's like going on a blind date when you already have a boyfriend haha
Good luck, Emily!!! I know how hard it is to have a practitioner that isn't on board with you. That happened to me with my first. They seemed really cool with my birth plan until I was in labor, then they threw my birth plan out the window. I dealt with a lot of guilt after that for not standing up for myself with my first baby, and now I am dead set on what I want and won't give in unless it puts the baby or myself in danger. Go with your gut, mama!0 -
My midwives require an appt. with their back up OB to clear all home birth mamas... I had mine yesterday, and I am cleared!!! And of course the OB mentioned that it looks like I am going to have another big baby... no big shocker there! Time to really buckle down and get my house all ready!0
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My midwives require an appt. with their back up OB to clear all home birth mamas... I had mine yesterday, and I am cleared!!! And of course the OB mentioned that it looks like I am going to have another big baby... no big shocker there! Time to really buckle down and get my house all ready!
YAY I really cant wait to hear your birth story!0 -
got an appt to meet the doc at the other practice, I'm nervous about it lol....it's like going on a blind date when you already have a boyfriend haha
I just talked to a friend who knows both practices, and #1 she talked to the midwife and the midwife told her that she'll put in my record to call her when I go into labor and she'll come in even if she's not the one on call #2 she said I'll love the doc and the only thing I'll have to push is that I don't want an epidural, but he is very happy to let things happen on their own time #3 she has known people from my other practice who had a birth plan, thought the docs were on board only to have the plan thrown out while in labor (I read this in a few reviews too recently)0 -
got an appt to meet the doc at the other practice, I'm nervous about it lol....it's like going on a blind date when you already have a boyfriend haha
I just talked to a friend who knows both practices, and #1 she talked to the midwife and the midwife told her that she'll put in my record to call her when I go into labor and she'll come in even if she's not the one on call #2 she said I'll love the doc and the only thing I'll have to push is that I don't want an epidural, but he is very happy to let things happen on their own time #3 she has known people from my other practice who had a birth plan, thought the docs were on board only to have the plan thrown out while in labor (I read this in a few reviews too recently)
That sounds great!0 -
Met with the OB, he doesn't understand why I wouldn't want an epidural but is OK with it and his c-section rate is 25-35% (by his estimate) which is below the local average so I'm ok with that. He seems very personable and everything that we talked about made since to me. I asked what birth positions he would be OK with and he said "whatever you're comfortable with as long as I don't need to lie on the ground to catch the baby" So we are switching and I'm real happy with the decision. He also said that if the Midwife agrees to be on call for me regardless of if it is her night that he's OK with that. His only caveat is that it be at the hospital he happens to be at that night just in case he is needed. Seems fair to me!0
