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Not ready for a relationship either because I want to work on the things that contributed to my marriage failing and to not repeat the same thing again.
Good for you. I spent time doing this after I broke up with my kid's dad 2 years ago. I also spend time after each relationship since doing the same. I am really learning alot about myself and setting up good boundaries, etc. Nothing but good can come from it, when you want to learn and grow
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Not ready for a relationship either because I want to work on the things that contributed to my marriage failing and to not repeat the same thing again.
Good for you. I spent time doing this after I broke up with my kid's dad 2 years ago. I also spend time after each relationship since doing the same. I am really learning alot about myself and setting up good boundaries, etc. Nothing but good can come from it, when you want to learn and grow
I have to say it isn't easy in many ways. I am used to being with someone. I was married for 16 years. But after watching several of my friends divorice and rushing into relationships, I decided it was best to learn from their mistakes. I like the idea of the website you mentioned about meeting people. Sounds neat! Thanks for sharing!0 -
Single. Not particularly looking. I thought about trying an online dating site but it seems like the overall concession in Single Peeps is stay away. It seems like 90% of my friends are married with 50% of them wanting to intruduce me to friends, co-workers, sisters etc. which keeps my social life intresting.
that is awesome that they are trying to set you up. I wish I had some friends who had single male friends
Me too! I have too many single friends that are looking also plus all my married friends have mostly married friends. So I'm not getting any help there. :sad:0 -
Not ready for a relationship either because I want to work on the things that contributed to my marriage failing and to not repeat the same thing again.
Good for you. I spent time doing this after I broke up with my kid's dad 2 years ago. I also spend time after each relationship since doing the same. I am really learning alot about myself and setting up good boundaries, etc. Nothing but good can come from it, when you want to learn and grow
I have to say it isn't easy in many ways. I am used to being with someone. I was married for 16 years. But after watching several of my friends divorice and rushing into relationships, I decided it was best to learn from their mistakes. I like the idea of the website you mentioned about meeting people. Sounds neat! Thanks for sharing!
I understand, I wasn't single for 12 years - so not single for all my 20's - and I had no idea how to be alone. But I have my kids and I got into MFP and exercise and have created a nice little life for us. I VALUE my personal time now and won't give it up.
It is good to be able to learn from your friend's mistakes but you may make your own too... those are good ones to learn from. I am learning ALOT... I have read alot of books about relationships and dating, and the like. Good luck0 -
Casually seeing someone as a friend. It is a nice arrangement.
Have no intentions of relationships anytime soon.
guys: i dont get this...why keep seeing someone as just a friend? it feels like such a waste of time for me if you like someone and they aren't ready for a relationship to be just "friends"
not to be confused with i can't have friends that are guys (that I don't like)
ETA: and I definitely won't be a FWB0 -
I am encountering two types of guys: those looking for hookups only and those that have been so hurt they only want to be friends (sometimes FWB but still no relationships). Where are the guys that are actually wanting to date and have relationships?
This.
thought it was just me. i don't do FWB tho.0 -
Casually seeing someone as a friend. It is a nice arrangement.
Have no intentions of relationships anytime soon.
guys: i dont get this...why keep seeing someone as just a friend? it feels like such a waste of time for me if you like someone and they aren't ready for a relationship to be just "friends"
not to be confused with i can't have friends that are guys (that I don't like)
A lot of guys will see someone as a friend because they just enjoy spending time with them, just like they might another guy that shares common interests. There always seems to be an expectation that a man and a woman cant go out with each other without building a relationship of some form. Also, maybe things could have been openly disgussed between the man and woman so that they both know exactly where they stand, but still enjoy each others company. And of course theres always the FWB possability. In which case both are useing each other for sexual satisfaction. But no relationship is considered between the two.
The time is only wasted if, seeing the person just as a friend, makes things difficult or impossible to see and consider others for a relationship.0 -
Casually seeing someone as a friend. It is a nice arrangement.
Have no intentions of relationships anytime soon.
guys: i dont get this...why keep seeing someone as just a friend? it feels like such a waste of time for me if you like someone and they aren't ready for a relationship to be just "friends"
not to be confused with i can't have friends that are guys (that I don't like)
A lot of guys will see someone as a friend because they just enjoy spending time with them, just like they might another guy that shares common interests. There always seems to be an expectation that a man and a woman cant go out with each other without building a relationship of some form. Also, maybe things could have been openly disgussed between the man and woman so that they both know exactly where they stand, but still enjoy each others company. And of course theres always the FWB possability. In which case both are useing each other for sexual satisfaction. But no relationship is considered between the two.
The time is only wasted if, seeing the person just as a friend, makes things difficult or impossible to see and consider others for a relationship.
Yes, you totally need to be on the same page.
If someone sees a man hoping he will turn into a relationship when he has CLEARLY stated he doesn't want one (or vice versa with the women not wanting one) you are on a slippery slope wasting your time. ETA: also works for being a FWB hoping he will change his mind and want a relationship. I have been told recently 'when a man speaks listen'0 -
Casually seeing someone as a friend. It is a nice arrangement.
Have no intentions of relationships anytime soon.
guys: i dont get this...why keep seeing someone as just a friend? it feels like such a waste of time for me if you like someone and they aren't ready for a relationship to be just "friends"
not to be confused with i can't have friends that are guys (that I don't like)
A lot of guys will see someone as a friend because they just enjoy spending time with them, just like they might another guy that shares common interests. There always seems to be an expectation that a man and a woman cant go out with each other without building a relationship of some form. Also, maybe things could have been openly disgussed between the man and woman so that they both know exactly where they stand, but still enjoy each others company. And of course theres always the FWB possability. In which case both are useing each other for sexual satisfaction. But no relationship is considered between the two.
The time is only wasted if, seeing the person just as a friend, makes things difficult or impossible to see and consider others for a relationship.
i don't mean i can't have guy friends. i mean if u start hanging out/dating someone and then they just wanna be friends, why continue the friendship if you want more and the other person isnt ready?
is that selfish? lol i dont have that kind of patience.0 -
Casually seeing someone as a friend. It is a nice arrangement.
Have no intentions of relationships anytime soon.
guys: i dont get this...why keep seeing someone as just a friend? it feels like such a waste of time for me if you like someone and they aren't ready for a relationship to be just "friends"
not to be confused with i can't have friends that are guys (that I don't like)
A lot of guys will see someone as a friend because they just enjoy spending time with them, just like they might another guy that shares common interests. There always seems to be an expectation that a man and a woman cant go out with each other without building a relationship of some form. Also, maybe things could have been openly disgussed between the man and woman so that they both know exactly where they stand, but still enjoy each others company. And of course theres always the FWB possability. In which case both are useing each other for sexual satisfaction. But no relationship is considered between the two.
The time is only wasted if, seeing the person just as a friend, makes things difficult or impossible to see and consider others for a relationship.
i don't mean i can't have guy friends. i mean if u start hanging out/dating someone and then they just wanna be friends, why continue the friendship if you want more and the other person isnt ready?
is that selfish? lol i dont have that kind of patience.
If I want to date someone and they are only interested in being friends, I walk away.0 -
Casually seeing someone as a friend. It is a nice arrangement.
Have no intentions of relationships anytime soon.
guys: i dont get this...why keep seeing someone as just a friend? it feels like such a waste of time for me if you like someone and they aren't ready for a relationship to be just "friends"
not to be confused with i can't have friends that are guys (that I don't like)
A lot of guys will see someone as a friend because they just enjoy spending time with them, just like they might another guy that shares common interests. There always seems to be an expectation that a man and a woman cant go out with each other without building a relationship of some form. Also, maybe things could have been openly disgussed between the man and woman so that they both know exactly where they stand, but still enjoy each others company. And of course theres always the FWB possability. In which case both are useing each other for sexual satisfaction. But no relationship is considered between the two.
The time is only wasted if, seeing the person just as a friend, makes things difficult or impossible to see and consider others for a relationship.
i don't mean i can't have guy friends. i mean if u start hanging out/dating someone and then they just wanna be friends, why continue the friendship if you want more and the other person isnt ready?
is that selfish? lol i dont have that kind of patience.
If I want to date someone and they are only interested in being friends, I walk away.
I think it really depends on whether the person who wanted more than friends can accept just a friendship or will they always want more? Are they hoping to change the others mind? If this is the case, they are definately not on the same page. I believe in this case that the person who wants more, is definately wasting their time!0 -
Casually seeing someone as a friend. It is a nice arrangement.
Have no intentions of relationships anytime soon.
guys: i dont get this...why keep seeing someone as just a friend? it feels like such a waste of time for me if you like someone and they aren't ready for a relationship to be just "friends"
not to be confused with i can't have friends that are guys (that I don't like)
A lot of guys will see someone as a friend because they just enjoy spending time with them, just like they might another guy that shares common interests. There always seems to be an expectation that a man and a woman cant go out with each other without building a relationship of some form. Also, maybe things could have been openly disgussed between the man and woman so that they both know exactly where they stand, but still enjoy each others company. And of course theres always the FWB possability. In which case both are useing each other for sexual satisfaction. But no relationship is considered between the two.
The time is only wasted if, seeing the person just as a friend, makes things difficult or impossible to see and consider others for a relationship.
i don't mean i can't have guy friends. i mean if u start hanging out/dating someone and then they just wanna be friends, why continue the friendship if you want more and the other person isnt ready?
is that selfish? lol i dont have that kind of patience.
If I want to date someone and they are only interested in being friends, I walk away.
I think it really depends on whether the person who wanted more than friends can accept just a friendship or will they always want more? Are they hoping to change the others mind? If this is the case, they are definately not on the same page. I believe in this case that the person who wants more, is definately wasting their time!
I don't even look at it like that. My opinion is that if you won't date me but want to be friends, you like my personality but don't want to have sex with me. No thanks, find a gay guy to be your BFF.0 -
Such a wholesome thread .... :huh: :bigsmile:
Anyway back on topic.... Single, most likely to remain so this year unless Mr.Right lays siege to my castle.
I met a lovely man last year but after much angst have decided he is a friend. Db do you have no women friends? How do you survive? :flowerforyou: I set myself a limit of only breaking one heart per year so no more dating until next year for me :ohwell: 0 -
I set myself a limit of only breaking one heart per year so no more dating until next year for me :ohwell:
Why would you limit yourself? If you feel that your ready to move on and persue another relationship, then I see no reason why you shouldent do so! This is for you, not for them.
I mean... leading someone on is completely different from trying things and finding that its not working.0 -
Such a wholesome thread .... :huh: :bigsmile:
Anyway back on topic.... Single, most likely to remain so this year unless Mr.Right lays siege to my castle. I met a lovely man last year but after much angst have decided he is a friend. Db do you have no women friends? How do you survive? :flowerforyou: I set myself a limit of only breaking one heart per year so no more dating until next year for me :ohwell:
I have plenty of female friends. I just don't stay in close contact with former girlfriends or dates.0 -
Single! Quite happy about it too -- I may be moving out of state and halfway across the country for the next two years if everything pans out, so really no need to be starting anything. It's actually been really fun for once to just focus on what I want instead of trying to be this perfect person for everyone else. I think I may stick with it for a while 0
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Single, and not comfortable with it... I've been sick the last couple weeks and have been wishing there was someone around to just lend a hand. But... That's no reason to be in a relationship. I recognize that I'm in no mental position to be in a relationship. Trust issues have been flaring, especially after the deceit I faced with the last guy I was with.0
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Was single for about 4.5 years but am currently dating the cowboy exclusively now for about three months. The distance is a bit of a pain, but so far we've made it work. I don't really see anything changing, and I've been quite happy so far! 0
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Been seeing someone for about 8 or 9 months now, and things seem to be going downhill. Same old story, they always just seem to want more than I can (or am willing to) give them. Nothing ever seems to be good enough, it's exhausting.0
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Been seeing someone for about 8 or 9 months now, and things seem to be going downhill. Same old story, they always just seem to want more than I can (or am willing to) give them. Nothing ever seems to be good enough, it's exhausting.
emotional dependancies?0 -
Been seeing someone for about 8 or 9 months now, and things seem to be going downhill. Same old story, they always just seem to want more than I can (or am willing to) give them. Nothing ever seems to be good enough, it's exhausting.
I am curious what they want you can't or won't give? just curious 0 -
Been seeing someone for about 8 or 9 months now, and things seem to be going downhill. Same old story, they always just seem to want more than I can (or am willing to) give them. Nothing ever seems to be good enough, it's exhausting.
I am curious what they want you can't or won't give? just curious
I am glad I'm not the only one wondering this...
Could you elaborate on what you mean by this Roadie?0 -
Well part of it is I'm just not a very outwardly affectionate or touchy/feely person, and women tend to take that personally and leaves them wanting something more. I'm working on it, but I'm not sure how much I can do without it feeling forced or becomes uncomfortable.Been seeing someone for about 8 or 9 months now, and things seem to be going downhill. Same old story, they always just seem to want more than I can (or am willing to) give them. Nothing ever seems to be good enough, it's exhausting.
I am curious what they want you can't or won't give? just curious
I am glad I'm not the only one wondering this...
Could you elaborate on what you mean by this Roadie?
There's also a bit more to it than that, but I'd rather not get into it on here.
@moonshadows - she's never been emotionally dependent at all until recently, so this is sort of surprising.0 -
Well part of it is I'm just not a very outwardly affectionate or touchy/feely person, and women tend to take that personally and leaves them wanting something more. I'm working on it, but I'm not sure how much I can do without it feeling forced or becomes uncomfortable.Been seeing someone for about 8 or 9 months now, and things seem to be going downhill. Same old story, they always just seem to want more than I can (or am willing to) give them. Nothing ever seems to be good enough, it's exhausting.
I am curious what they want you can't or won't give? just curious
I am glad I'm not the only one wondering this...
Could you elaborate on what you mean by this Roadie?
There's also a bit more to it than that, but I'd rather not get into it on here.
@moonshadows - she's never been emotionally dependent at all until recently, so this is sort of surprising.
May I wish well on this? The fact that you know it (and what causes it) is a step in the right direction. What you choose to do with it is completely up to you.0 -
Well part of it is I'm just not a very outwardly affectionate or touchy/feely person, and women tend to take that personally and leaves them wanting something more. I'm working on it, but I'm not sure how much I can do without it feeling forced or becomes uncomfortable.
There's also a bit more to it than that, but I'd rather not get into it on here.
@moonshadows - she's never been emotionally dependent at all until recently, so this is sort of surprising.
There are women that are not physically affectionate. Me, I'm a total snuggler. But, i have friends that HATE affection, but are still very feminine. It's just a matter of finding that right fit. A piece of advice my mother gave me was when something doesn't flow naturally, it's just not going to work no matter how hard you try. I don't know your whole situation, so this may just be a small piece, but don't change yourself to fit her needs. There is always a bit of compromise to be made within a relationship, but you should never make yourself uncomfortable for the sake of another.
In regards to the emotional depedancy....this may be because of the lack (or perceived lack) of physical affection. If she feels her needs are not being met physically, then she may be trying to compensate in other ways (emotionally). I was in this exact situation with my last LTR.0 -
If she has been feeling insecure for any reason lately, she could be trying to seek affermation to rebuild her spirits. She could be looking to you and your affection to help her feel better about herself. This puts extra strain on you if it is not something your comfortable with.
My sugestion is to take a look at her life, or talk with her, and see if you can find any changes reciently that may make her feel insecure or insignificant.
Every woman needs to feel special. Some can find it themselves. Some requre others to show them.
Also If her life has changed much since you and her started to get serious, that could affect her too. Especialy if she no longer accomplishes everything she used to in a day. The more time she spends with you, the less time she has for her self.
Either way, I wish you well. Good luck!0 -
Well part of it is I'm just not a very outwardly affectionate or touchy/feely person, and women tend to take that personally and leaves them wanting something more. I'm working on it, but I'm not sure how much I can do without it feeling forced or becomes uncomfortable.Been seeing someone for about 8 or 9 months now, and things seem to be going downhill. Same old story, they always just seem to want more than I can (or am willing to) give them. Nothing ever seems to be good enough, it's exhausting.
I am curious what they want you can't or won't give? just curious
I am glad I'm not the only one wondering this...
Could you elaborate on what you mean by this Roadie?
There's also a bit more to it than that, but I'd rather not get into it on here.
@moonshadows - she's never been emotionally dependent at all until recently, so this is sort of surprising.
@Roadie, Not attempting to intrude here, but if part of it really is the affection issue, then you may want to check out the book 5 Love Languages. It's pretty eye opening about how simple things can change your relationship and how you interact with one another. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/0 -
Well part of it is I'm just not a very outwardly affectionate or touchy/feely person, and women tend to take that personally and leaves them wanting something more. I'm working on it, but I'm not sure how much I can do without it feeling forced or becomes uncomfortable.Been seeing someone for about 8 or 9 months now, and things seem to be going downhill. Same old story, they always just seem to want more than I can (or am willing to) give them. Nothing ever seems to be good enough, it's exhausting.
I am curious what they want you can't or won't give? just curious
I am glad I'm not the only one wondering this...
Could you elaborate on what you mean by this Roadie?
There's also a bit more to it than that, but I'd rather not get into it on here.
@moonshadows - she's never been emotionally dependent at all until recently, so this is sort of surprising.
interesting. i'm a very affectionate , touchy feely person. no i'm not needy at all i'm usually very confident and independent but I do like the feeling of being affectionate with someone. it drives me crazy if the person i'm with doesnt like that.
its just weird to me but i'm glad you are confirming that its not her its you, because someone has told me that before and i didnt think it was true.0 -
Well part of it is I'm just not a very outwardly affectionate or touchy/feely person, and women tend to take that personally and leaves them wanting something more. I'm working on it, but I'm not sure how much I can do without it feeling forced or becomes uncomfortable.Been seeing someone for about 8 or 9 months now, and things seem to be going downhill. Same old story, they always just seem to want more than I can (or am willing to) give them. Nothing ever seems to be good enough, it's exhausting.
I am curious what they want you can't or won't give? just curious
I am glad I'm not the only one wondering this...
Could you elaborate on what you mean by this Roadie?
There's also a bit more to it than that, but I'd rather not get into it on here.
@moonshadows - she's never been emotionally dependent at all until recently, so this is sort of surprising.
@Roadie, Not attempting to intrude here, but if part of it really is the affection issue, then you may want to check out the book 5 Love Languages. It's pretty eye opening about how simple things can change your relationship and how you interact with one another. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Would you believe I was thinking they same thing but wasn't sure how to approach the topic? I highly recommend this for any couple.
I also found the 5 Love Lanuguages for Teenagers...but that is a completely different topic.0 -
We've actually talked about this a lot and both agreed we prefer quality time over everything else. The only problem with this we live 45 min away from each other and she has kids except for Tuesdays and every other weekend, so quality time is difficult to come by. We both agreed a while back that all we need to feel loved is for the other person to continue to make an effort to see each other.@Roadie, Not attempting to intrude here, but if part of it really is the affection issue, then you may want to check out the book 5 Love Languages. It's pretty eye opening about how simple things can change your relationship and how you interact with one another. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Also this is my busy time of year at work and I still find time to drive up to see her a couple times a week and even go to her kid's hockey games. Now she's pointing out all this stuff that I'm not doing and I sort of feel blindsided.0
