Guys like to show off their women. They like to have the good looking girl that other guys (and women) think how did he get HER. If he is used to her covering it up when they go out I don't see anything wrong with him expecting her to cover those splotches up when meeting his old family friends. I'm sure its not just military men, so I wish some of the guys would back me up here, but I'm ok with being wrong in the ladies eyes too.

How many times have we had this argument? If he really likes/loves HER, then he should be proud to show her off regardless of whether she 'covered up' a natural condition. He should be proud to show off WHO SHE IS, her behavior, her personality, her words and intelligence just as much as, if not more so, than her appearance. It all adds up to who she is.

And as for you, JJ... if a man loves you, he'll love the scars, too, because they are a part of you. It is quite possible he won't even notice them. For example: One of my roommates in college was dating a guy she'd had classes with. He was kind, funny, and pretty vocal, and she got to know his sense of humor first. About three months into their relationship, they were sitting on the couch as I got home and she asked me if I had noticed his facial quirk. His face was paralyzed on one side, so he always talked out of one side of his mouth, gave lopsided smirks instead of full smiles, and his voice always sounded just a little bit slurred. She had seen this guy almost daily for three months and never noticed... and trust me, it was kind of hard to miss. He was a great guy, was amazing to her, and that overpowered anything else she saw from him.

Be who you are and say what you feel. Those who matter won't mind and those who mind don't matter. (Paraphrased Dr. Seuss.)

I've had many relationships in my life and all men have ever said to me is how I dont need to wear make-up. They like waking up with me naturally. I dont look any different........ Etc

So, its kinda strange to me that this guy should only be focused on makeup! I mean, a lot of guys don't even like women overly made up!!

Jeez! Let the woman just be herself. Her last b/f probably told her how lovely she looked without makeup and with a pony tail!!! Know what I mean?

^ this.

i've always been told i don't need to wear make up by my bf. some of them didnt even like it at all. but i personally feel naked without it so I won't leave the house without it. that being said I would be pissed if my guy said I don't look great w/o it and I should make sure to wear it around his family/friends.

it has been my experience that the right guy will think you are beautiful in your natural state, ie in the mornings no make up and crazy bed head lol.

I'm supposing she already knows her face gets ugly so, like me, she probably wouldn't be too offended.

Or perhaps she is a self confident and beautiful woman that is not worried about her rosacea. We don't know why she went out without the makeup, but we do know she was comfortable in doing so which indicates she would like to do so in the future. This shows me that she is confident in her own skin and confident in who she is. He is not. That is his issue. Yes, makeup makes her more appealing, but perhaps she was having a flare up that was exacerbated by the makeup so she went without that day. If he's unwilling to accept her without the makeup, for the person that she is, I stand by my original statement that he needs to find another woman.

Ding, we have a winner.

This has little to do with her, everything to do with him. Let's not pretend the woman has the problem here (other than dating a superficial jerk). It's his issue, he needs to deal with it. If he is truly embarrassed by her natural appearance, then I question the very foundation of their relationship.

It's one thing to tell your wife/gf that she looks fabulous in a particular dress, and you'd love for her to wear it to a certain event, for whatever reason. Women appreciate these kinds of comments. It's like noticing a new hairdo, new perfume, etc. It shows that you are paying attention...

But it's quite another to ask her to wear a mask because she's too hideous without it to be seen in public. Not cool.

I suppose you might say that this is the south, and gobs of makeup are as natural as big hair, peach cobbler, and racism. But just like big hair, that doesn't make it right...

--P

I guess she has roseacia or something that makes her face a really noticeable splotchy red. He's seen her without makeup, but it's always been in the context of the activity and something she covered up when they were done so he never cared. I guess she went to something with some of his old friends and didn't bother covering it up. I'm supposing she already knows her face gets ugly so, like me, she probably wouldn't be too offended. Maybe it was an accident- maybe she dropped her makeup and it cracked or she ran out or something. You never know.


I'm just relating my experience with scarring because while there are plenty of women out there who don't NEED makeup, there are some of us who look markedly different without it and so I, personally, don't think he is being a jerk by saying he wants her to wear makeup on this cruise/conference thing.

I wonder if people who ARE so offended by this don't know anyone who has to live with such a thing?

I'm really confused by this. Surely her having a skin condition would (potentially) make her more likely to want to cover up with makeup. What's it got to do with him? He shouldn't get to tell her when to cover up or not. If she feels comfortable in a given situation, then that's all that matters. I can imagine a situation where it would be appropriate to let her know the general dress-code for a certain event, so she doesn't feel embarrassed turning up really casual when others are in black tie, but I can't see any reason to tell her to cover up or "be cute". If he doesn't like dating someone who dresses casually, or who has an obvious skin condition then fine, move on.

I think you're understandably looking at this situation from the perspective of your own experiences. Your need to wear makeup and your belief that you look better with it, or that you "should" wear it - well that's your experience, your choice, your need. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but it shouldn't be up to any other person to dictate to you when you "should" wear makeup. Even a partner.

I don't have a noticeable skin condition, or any kind of disfigurement, so I admit I'm coming at this from a different perspective. I mean no disrespect here but I think that maybe you're projecting a little too much. Maybe she doesn't see her condition in the same way that you see your scars. If she doesn't always want to cover up, that's up to her. Maybe it's a non-issue for her.

I do get the thing about guys wanting to "show off" their woman, which can be sweet or creepy depending on the context. If he's really into her, of course he wants to show her off, but it shouldn't just be about looks, it should be "look at this amazing woman who wants to be with me, isn't she great?" If he can't feel that when she's not wearing makeup or dressed up, then yeah - maybe he shouldn't be with her. Needing to have "the good looking girl" and have people wonder how he "got her" - that's crossing the line a bit into trophy-dom in my opinion. If that's his focus, then maybe he should be looking elsewhere.

I don't know too many military people, but I do have one family member in the military. He has a beautiful wife, and it's obvious to anyone with eyes (and ears) how much he adores her. She usually (not always) makes an effort and dresses up. You can tell it's not about that though. When you hear him talk about her, it's never about how she looks, it's always about what a good/kind/funny etc person she is and how lucky he is to be with her.

He's "ok" with her not wearing makeup if they're at home or in the woods?? Wow. That's the comment that really gets me. It's hard to tell from the snippets provided here, but honestly, that sounds a little controlling.

I wouldn't date someone if I didn't like the way they looked without makeup. Tried it, but in the mornings when it go light out again it always scared the bejesus out of me.

Sometimes I wish my current gf would dress up on occasion, but she generally doesn't like to wear anything but jeans. I don't push it too much though, I'd rather she does what makes her comfortable.

One time I got yelled at by an ex because we were going to a fancy function and I didn't put gel in my hair. My hair is always short, so it;s not like it was messy. I sort of got offended, I don't like to feel like I'm embarrassing.

I guess I kinda threadjacked my own thread, lol!

I guess she has roseacia or something that makes her face a really noticeable splotchy red. He's seen her without makeup, but it's always been in the context of the activity and something she covered up when they were done so he never cared. I guess she went to something with some of his old friends and didn't bother covering it up. I'm supposing she already knows her face gets ugly so, like me, she probably wouldn't be too offended. Maybe it was an accident- maybe she dropped her makeup and it cracked or she ran out or something. You never know.


I'm just relating my experience with scarring because while there are plenty of women out there who don't NEED makeup, there are some of us who look markedly different without it and so I, personally, don't think he is being a jerk by saying he wants her to wear makeup on this cruise/conference thing.

I wonder if people who ARE so offended by this don't know anyone who has to live with such a thing?

If she feesl comfortable in her own skin to go out casual and natural and he's not happy with that, then he needs to find a woman that likes making/dressing up all the time.

Guys like to show off their women. They like to have the good looking girl that other guys (and women) think how did he get HER. If he is used to her covering it up when they go out I don't see anything wrong with him expecting her to cover those splotches up when meeting his old family friends. I'm sure its not just military men, so I wish some of the guys would back me up here, but I'm ok with being wrong in the ladies eyes too.

What all this discussion is telling me is that for most women there's no real way to tell her. He should just end it and go look for someone else, despite all the good times they've had.

I agree with what you're saying. It sounds bad because of the makeup issue. That makes it seem like he's saying she's not pretty enough, when what I really think is that he was simply unpleasantly surprised by her lack of effort. But if I were to relate this to a man, I might think of it in terms of a guy who is always clean-shaven and well-groomed, and then the day I am supposed to introduce him to my family or close friends, he shows up with 3 days of scruff on his face, smelling like he came straight from the gym. I would be embarrassed by that ... not embarrassed of HIM as person but embarrassed that I have to say to my family "Yeah, this guy who had so little respect for this occasion that he couldn't be bothered to properly groom himself ... he's my boyfriend."

It's one thing if a woman rarely wears makeup (or if a guy always has the rugged, unshaven look). You expect that. You're prepared for it. But out of the blue on an important day? It's not such a good move. We can talk all day about how not wearing makeup means you're super confident, but in some circumstances, it's no different than being inexcusably underdressed (e.g. wearing jeans to a black-tie wedding). It's just a fact that the way you present yourself to others says something about who you are and how much respect you have for the people around you. There is nothing wrong with this guy wanting his girlfriend to look presentable on an occasion that is important to him.

I would tell your friend to simply tell his girlfriend that people will be dressed up, so she might want to bring some dressier attire. I would not mention makeup (surely the word "dressy" will give her all the hint she needs about that), and I would not compare it to the "meet the friends" thing by saying anything like "I just wanted you to be prepared, since you went casual before." Just say "You need some dressy clothes for this trip," and let her decide how she wants to approach it. If she shows up again looking like she just doesn't care, then he's got a problem on his hands, and it has nothing to do with how she looks.

I guess I kinda threadjacked my own thread, lol!

I guess she has roseacia or something that makes her face a really noticeable splotchy red. He's seen her without makeup, but it's always been in the context of the activity and something she covered up when they were done so he never cared. I guess she went to something with some of his old friends and didn't bother covering it up. I'm supposing she already knows her face gets ugly so, like me, she probably wouldn't be too offended. Maybe it was an accident- maybe she dropped her makeup and it cracked or she ran out or something. You never know.


I'm just relating my experience with scarring because while there are plenty of women out there who don't NEED makeup, there are some of us who look markedly different without it and so I, personally, don't think he is being a jerk by saying he wants her to wear makeup on this cruise/conference thing.

I wonder if people who ARE so offended by this don't know anyone who has to live with such a thing?

If she feesl comfortable in her own skin to go out casual and natural and he's not happy with that, then he needs to find a woman that likes making/dressing up all the time.

Guys like to show off their women. They like to have the good looking girl that other guys (and women) think how did he get HER. If he is used to her covering it up when they go out I don't see anything wrong with him expecting her to cover those splotches up when meeting his old family friends. I'm sure its not just military men, so I wish some of the guys would back me up here, but I'm ok with being wrong in the ladies eyes too.

What all this discussion is telling me is that for most women there's no real way to tell her. He should just end it and go look for someone else, despite all the good times they've had.

I agree with what you're saying. It sounds bad because of the makeup issue. That makes it seem like he's saying she's not pretty enough, when what I really think is that he was simply unpleasantly surprised by her lack of effort. But if I were to relate this to a man, I might think of it in terms of a guy who is always clean-shaven and well-groomed, and then the day I am supposed to introduce him to my family or close friends, he shows up with 3 days of scruff on his face, smelling like he came straight from the gym. I would be embarrassed by that ... not embarrassed of HIM as person but embarrassed that I have to say to my family "Yeah, this guy who had so little respect for this occasion that he couldn't be bothered to properly groom himself ... he's my boyfriend."

It's one thing if a woman rarely wears makeup (or if a guy always has the rugged, unshaven look). You expect that. You're prepared for it. But out of the blue on an important day? It's not such a good move. We can talk all day about how not wearing makeup means you're super confident, but in some circumstances, it's no different than being inexcusably underdressed (e.g. wearing jeans to a black-tie wedding). It's just a fact that the way you present yourself to others says something about who you are and how much respect you have for the people around you. There is nothing wrong with this guy wanting his girlfriend to look presentable on an occasion that is important to him.

I would tell your friend to simply tell his girlfriend that people will be dressed up, so she might want to bring some dressier attire. I would not mention makeup (surely the word "dressy" will give her all the hint she needs about that), and I would not compare it to the "meet the friends" thing by saying anything like "I just wanted you to be prepared, since you went casual before." Just say "You need some dressy clothes for this trip," and let her decide how she wants to approach it. If she shows up again looking like she just doesn't care, then he's got a problem on his hands, and it has nothing to do with how she looks.

I almost agree except there are two things that set this apart.

1) They were meeting his friends. What part of that is not casual and comfortable? This doesn't sound like a case of "wearing jeans to wedding" it sounds more like a "wearing jeans to BBQ". JJ, can you clarify what kind of event this was?

2) You're right, if he wants her to dress up then he should have the ability to let his sweetie know... which is why he should probably LET HER KNOW that it's important to him instead of expecting her to guess. I always scold women for believing their men should "take hints" and "just know", just because the roles are reversed doesn't make it any better. Clear communication is important. I'm willing to bet if she was the only one dressed down she noticed and was probably embarrassed herself simply because of that. If everyone else was casual, he was probably the only one feeling that way.

I agree with what you're saying. It sounds bad because of the makeup issue. That makes it seem like he's saying she's not pretty enough, when what I really think is that he was simply unpleasantly surprised by her lack of effort. But if I were to relate this to a man, I might think of it in terms of a guy who is always clean-shaven and well-groomed, and then the day I am supposed to introduce him to my family or close friends, he shows up with 3 days of scruff on his face, smelling like he came straight from the gym. I would be embarrassed by that ... not embarrassed of HIM as person but embarrassed that I have to say to my family "Yeah, this guy who had so little respect for this occasion that he couldn't be bothered to properly groom himself ... he's my boyfriend."

It's one thing if a woman rarely wears makeup (or if a guy always has the rugged, unshaven look). You expect that. You're prepared for it. But out of the blue on an important day? It's not such a good move. We can talk all day about how not wearing makeup means you're super confident, but in some circumstances, it's no different than being inexcusably underdressed (e.g. wearing jeans to a black-tie wedding). It's just a fact that the way you present yourself to others says something about who you are and how much respect you have for the people around you. There is nothing wrong with this guy wanting his girlfriend to look presentable on an occasion that is important to him.

I 100% agree with this. I think it's downright strange (and borderline disrespectful) that she would show up to meet his friends and family wearing no make up and dressed uber casual. I think he had every right to be disappointed -- I know I would be. My boyfriend will be meeting my entire family at a wedding in June, and I've already told him in no uncertain terms that he better look sharp!

I would tell your friend to simply tell his girlfriend that people will be dressed up, so she might want to bring some dressier attire. I would not mention makeup (surely the word "dressy" will give her all the hint she needs about that), and I would not compare it to the "meet the friends" thing by saying anything like "I just wanted you to be prepared, since you went casual before." Just say "You need some dressy clothes for this trip," and let her decide how she wants to approach it. If she shows up again looking like she just doesn't care, then he's got a problem on his hands, and it has nothing to do with how she looks.

Agree with this also.

All he has to do is set it up as he's telling her about appropriate attire for the cruise, and not as a dis on her.

I think it's downright strange (and borderline disrespectful) that she would show up to meet his friends and family wearing no make up and dressed uber casual. I think he had every right to be disappointed -- I know I would be. My boyfriend will be meeting my entire family at a wedding in June, and I've already told him in no uncertain terms that he better look sharp!

The difference.

You've already communicated clearly.

saw this picture and thought of this thread. lol.



if you wanna see the full article go here, one of my favorite beauty blogs

http://www.musingsofamuse.com/2013/04/can-you-go-without-makeup.html

Honestly, people who are so preoccupied with having an attractive spouse generally tend to be insecure. Hence, they use their spouse to build their self esteem and their personal shortcomings. Why would a man try to change a woman's approach to life? If he wants something different, then I think he needs to communicate that to his girlfriend.

I met a man like this. He was very particular about the girl he dated. They must be a certain type and he usually don't deviate. Whether someone wants to wear makeup is their choice. I personally never wear makeup unless its for a date or a special event. Hell I even went out on date before without makeup. Maybe I am too comfortable in my own skin. Take it or leave it!

Honestly..I would rather have someone lay out the expectations for appearance bluntly. I dated someone in politics and would ask what was appropriate for each event. I am more concerned about my own appearance than my partner because I don't feel they are a reflection of me, women are judged more harshly than men and because I honestly like to put the effort in. I have white blonde eyelashes without mascara and look like a boy...lol

^^^^ 100%

This thread came to mind the other day... I went with BB to his band director alumni thing and had no clue until later when I noticed all the wives/gfs there instantly looked at my hands. I'm trying to play it off so I wait until I get alone in the bathroom to see what's up with my hands. My nails were all jagged and dirty from packing and moving. Since the whole point of him asking me along was to "show me off" to his buddies, I really would have appreciated him pointing out my nails (if he had noticed). Fortunately, I don't think any of the menfolk there even cared about my nails. I think the hair, awesome new dress, and body were all they cared about lol.

PEOPLE NOTICE THOSE THINGS?

Well I'm f*cked anyway XD