Men and sexual comments or innuendos
MelodyinGa
Posts: 202 Member
Piggybacking off of the "sex kitten" comment on another thread...
Why do men of EVERY age bring up sexual comments or innuendos in the beginning stages of "dating?" I am talking with a 57 yo and he even brought up an innuendo while we texted last night....He was like, "what do you wear to bed?" I responded, "Good night." We haven't even met yet. It's a huge turnoff for me! I thought an older man would be more respectable...WTH??? Guys....educate us on this and on how we should respond!!!
Why do men of EVERY age bring up sexual comments or innuendos in the beginning stages of "dating?" I am talking with a 57 yo and he even brought up an innuendo while we texted last night....He was like, "what do you wear to bed?" I responded, "Good night." We haven't even met yet. It's a huge turnoff for me! I thought an older man would be more respectable...WTH??? Guys....educate us on this and on how we should respond!!!
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I don't think age matters (or sex really for that matter). I don't quite understand it before you meet, if you are actually serious about meeting, because you don't even know the person...you may not like them, be attracted, etc.
I think some innuendos are fine after and you have established some interest, but I think there must be a line. I think you can talk yourself into more passion/interest/desire than what may be there....and can be let down in subsequent dates.
Just my thoughts
Christine also posted something in another thread last night about 'wowing a guy with sex won't get you a relationship' Very interesting note, which really can work for both genders... too much too soon will turn us off too0 -
its because its easier to be freaky or kinky via email or text... I dont make a big deal out of it0
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its because its easier to be freaky or kinky via email or text... I dont make a big deal out of it
I'll help you make a BIG deal of it
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its because its easier to be freaky or kinky via email or text... I dont make a big deal out of it
I've known some guys to do the same thing over the phone... even sneak it in the middle of a conversation. Like somewhere in the middle of their train of thought they were suddenly picturing me topless, and then right back into the ongoing discussion. One I just laughed at and said "you really have no filter, do you?"0 -
its because its easier to be freaky or kinky via email or text... I dont make a big deal out of it
I'll help you make a BIG deal of it
lol so they all say0 -
I don't unless I am sure there is some mutual interest. Even then, I rarely do because I suck at being flirty to begin with.0
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its because its easier to be freaky or kinky via email or text... I dont make a big deal out of it
I'll help you make a BIG deal of it
lol so they all say
No. He's got proof. Trust me
O.O0 -
You say it like it's a bad thing...0
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You ladies all sound really wound up. I recommend a good banging immediately.0
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You ladies all sound really wound up. I recommend a good banging immediately.
I approve of this idea lol :devil: :smokin:0 -
You ladies all sound really wound up. I recommend a good banging immediately.
Oh... if you only knew... lol!0 -
Ladies: When a guy tosses out some innuendo, it likely means that the guy is interested in you, and wants to plant his feet firmly out of the "friend zone" - and be certain that you don't view the guy as "friend material".
If the level of innuendo is too much, too soon for you, well, it's too much too soon for YOU. Someone else might be fine with it, and perhaps even respond in-kind.
That's NOT to say that it's "your fault", or that you're a prude - no, nothing like that AT ALL.
I think that every woman has their own criteria for how much innuendo they'd like, at each specific point in the relationship timeline (based in part on how interested they are in the guy, what their expectations are of how things "ought" to progress, etc). Your response is a signal to the guy about whether you're interested in that kind of attention from him, or not, or to what level, or if the time is now - or later on. Your response is feedback for him.
If you (the woman) interpret his innuendo negatively, the guy has miscalculated. (unless he's simply a horny *kitten* looking for nothing but sex, of course).
However, it seems that we are usually the ones that have to do the pursuing, so it's usually up to us guys to initiate. Sometimes we are just clods, and overshoot. Occasionally, we are shy, and undershoot too, and the woman is left wanting the guy to be more bold, and step out of the "friend zone".
Women are usualy hard to read for us guys, especially when we don't know you well yet.
So, on behalf of all of us dudes who are sincere, and who've miscalculated and offended, I apologize.0 -
I don't unless I am sure there is some mutual interest. Even then, I rarely do because I suck at being flirty to begin with. :smooched: :happy:
That's the extent of my flirty...0 -
Christine also posted something in another thread last night about 'wowing a guy with sex won't get you a relationship' Very interesting note, which really can work for both genders... too much too soon will turn us off too
Link right here!
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/04/men-and-friends-with-benefits.html
I have no idea why people (but I'll assume it's mostly men) think it's okay to ask someone thinks like that just after you met them. It is wildly inappropriate to say to a woman you just met "what do you wear to bed?" or "good morning sex kitten." You don't know them! Maybe after a couple dates or months that is fine, but not right away. You can get flirty without being overtly sexual.
Men, err on the side of being more polite rather than throwing innuendos out there.
Mauryr, I agree that different people have different levels but there is really no reason that a man should call you a sex kitten just after first meeting, and before you've even had sex or kissed! No excuse!0 -
I am a huge flirt and don't have a filter, but have never "lost" someone's attention due to excessive innuendo. There is a fine line and a certain art to delivering the innuendo I think.
It works for me : )0 -
Why do men of EVERY age bring up sexual comments or innuendos in the beginning stages of "dating?"
Just wanna point out that not EVERY guy does this. I know lots of women in this forum would love that spiciness, but I don't want a woman isn't comfortable with that kind of thing early on to feel like she has no choice.
LOTS of guys do it, sure, but right away I can think of several guys I've written in this forum about who didn't bring up sexual comments or innuendos: the construction guy who painted, the guy from the painful convo thread, the guy who was too hurt from his divorce I think to really be in a relationship, the guy who turned out to be 60lbs overweight but blasted me for being broad shouldered, the one who was getting out of the military, the PI I met on craigslist, and, most importantly BB. They never made sexual innuendos or tried to "test' me early on.
Those guys (even the ones who turned out to be jerks) were respectful in that manner. That said, I had tons of emails/texts from guys who never even GOT a chance to go out with me bc they got into sexual speak too soon, so I'm not trying to contradict the post so much as trying to say that there are a small handful of men out there who really are looking to settle down and believe the best way to do that is to reserve that kind of talk until you've actually gotten into a relationship.0 -
yeah, I'm the girl ruining it for you all XD I don't have a problem with any of those things. In fact the only one that downright turned me off is when a guy just up and said, "I want to bang you in your bed" because that is so unimaginative and boring. If you're gonna flirt you can be obvious but at least be interesting. Funny or creative... Something.0
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yeah, I'm the girl ruining it for you all XD I don't have a problem with any of those things. In fact the only one that downright turned me off is when a guy just up and said, "I want to bang you in your bed" because that is so unimaginative and boring. If you're gonna flirt you can be obvious but at least be interesting. Funny or creative... Something.
Even if you haven't met...? I love flirtation & innuendo AFTER a few dates, when its been established that we are attracted to one another...but before meeting someone it just smacks of desperation and only being after 1 thing. If thats all you're looking for, cool - but I can't imagine pursuing anything remotely serious with someone who does this that soon. You KNOW they are doing it with everyone too, gross.0 -
yeah, I'm the girl ruining it for you all XD I don't have a problem with any of those things. In fact the only one that downright turned me off is when a guy just up and said, "I want to bang you in your bed" because that is so unimaginative and boring. If you're gonna flirt you can be obvious but at least be interesting. Funny or creative... Something.
Even if you haven't met...? I love flirtation & innuendo AFTER a few dates, when its been established that we are attracted to one another...but before meeting someone it just smacks of desperation and only being after 1 thing. If thats all you're looking for, cool - but I can't imagine pursuing anything remotely serious with someone who does this that soon. You KNOW they are doing it with everyone too, gross.
Yes, I will speak with someone sexually before we meet. I'm not desperate and I'm not looking for a fling but you can believe what you want. I am a firm advocate of open sexuality and I have rather specific sexual desires that i like to communicate beforehand to see if we are a match. There's nothing worse than getting emotionally attached to a guy just to find out he's not sexually compatible with me. But i also don't see sex as something sacred and pure. While it can be special with the right someone(s) before emotions get involved it really is just like a nice relaxing massage. In my vagina.
So yeah. I flirt and do the innuendo thing before we meet.0 -
I think sexual innuendo is a good way to screen women. If they are turned off, it is a good indication that you're going to spend a whole lot of time trying to remove the stick from their *kitten* and you should move on. If they go with the flow, you can see how imaginitive they are and get a sense of their intelligence and creativity - not just sexually but in general terms.
One of the funnest conversations I've ever had was with a gal who told me that a pork chop she had for lunch was going straight to her *kitten*. I asked her about left over pork chops and it just went from there (I'd been on one lunch date with her. I didn't really know her.) That line ran for several weeks. One day I told her we should have pork chops for lunch at my place. She countered that it was Friday and she was a good Catholic so she could only have fish. It was creative. It was fun. It showed something about her personaility and intelligence too.0 -
I think my issue with innuendos and sexual comments is that I'm pretty akward, and never know how to respond properly.0
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I think sexual innuendo is a good way to screen women. If they are turned off, it is a good indication that you're going to spend a whole lot of time trying to remove the stick from their *kitten* and you should move on. If they go with the flow, you can see how imaginitive they are and get a sense of their intelligence and creativity - not just sexually but in general terms.
One of the funnest conversations I've ever had was with a gal who told me that a pork chop she had for lunch was going straight to her *kitten*. I asked her about left over pork chops and it just went from there (I'd been on one lunch date with her. I didn't really know her.) That line ran for several weeks. One day I told her we should have pork chops for lunch at my place. She countered that it was Friday and she was a good Catholic so she could only have fish. It was creative. It was fun. It showed something about her personaility and intelligence too.
That's not really sexual innuendo. That's more a joke relating to weight, unless I'm missing part of the story.
I'm all about jokes and humor but sexual innuendos so early on are not cool, whether its a man saying it to a woman or a woman saying it to a man. Same goes for political or religious humor.0 -
Yeah, I dont mind innuendo, it just depends how soon and how crude it gets.
Like a guy tellin me his penis is 8.5 inches within the first 5 minutes of our first phone conversation is what I would call 'overshooting'!!
A guy asking humourously if I do whips and chains on our first date is fine. I see that as necessary information so we dont waste each others time.
Generally though, I think men do it to test the water. It's then down to the woman to pull in the reigns if it's inappropriate for her style.. I dont hold it against him unless it's blatently in my face!!..............(haha! See what I did there? :bigsmile: )0 -
Just wanna point out that not EVERY guy does this. I know lots of women in this forum would love that spiciness, but I don't want a woman isn't comfortable with that kind of thing early on to feel like she has no choice.Why do men of EVERY age bring up sexual comments or innuendos in the beginning stages of "dating?"
LOTS of guys do it, sure, but right away I can think of several guys I've written in this forum about who didn't bring up sexual comments or innuendos:
It all depends on the individual person….Why do men of EVERY age bring up sexual comments or innuendos in the beginning stages of "dating?" I am talking with a 57 yo and he even brought up an innuendo while we texted last night....He was like, "what do you wear to bed?" I responded, "Good night." We haven't even met yet. It's a huge turnoff for me! I thought an older man would be more respectable...WTH??? Guys....educate us on this and on how we should respond!!!
It goes both ways. I’m sure most guys lose interest with when the girl doesn’t feel comfortable with the innuendos and just moves on to a girl that does. I don’t get heavy into the sexual innuendos, so the girl looking for that “spiciness” moves on. It all depends on the individual person.Yes, I will speak with someone sexually before we meet. I'm not desperate and I'm not looking for a fling but you can believe what you want. I am a firm advocate of open sexuality and I have rather specific sexual desires that i like to communicate beforehand to see if we are a match. There's nothing worse than getting emotionally attached to a guy just to find out he's not sexually compatible with me. But i also don't see sex as something sacred and pure. While it can be special with the right someone(s) before emotions get involved it really is just like a nice relaxing massage. In my vagina.
So yeah. I flirt and do the innuendo thing before we meet.0 -
I think sexual innuendo is a good way to screen women. If they are turned off, it is a good indication that you're going to spend a whole lot of time trying to remove the stick from their *kitten* and you should move on. If they go with the flow, you can see how imaginitive they are and get a sense of their intelligence and creativity - not just sexually but in general terms.
WOW this could not be further from the truth! I am faaaaar from a prude and pretty sexually adventurous, but a guy being sexual before we have even met is way overstepping - just because a woman doesn't want to be sexual with every guy she comes across before they even know each other doesn't mean she has a stick up her *kitten*, come on! Super juvenile thing to say.0 -
I think sexual innuendo is a good way to screen women. If they are turned off, it is a good indication that you're going to spend a whole lot of time trying to remove the stick from their *kitten* and you should move on. If they go with the flow, you can see how imaginitive they are and get a sense of their intelligence and creativity - not just sexually but in general terms.
WOW this could not be further from the truth! I am faaaaar from a prude and pretty sexually adventurous, but a guy being sexual before we have even met is way overstepping - just because a woman doesn't want to be sexual with every guy she comes across before they even know each other doesn't mean she has a stick up her *kitten*, come on! Super juvenile thing to say.
So is accusing every woman who doesn't have your "standards" of being desperate.
To be clear I don't have sex with everyone, I thought it was obvious but I guess I should be less subtle. Innuendo and sexual conversations are a handy screening process that actually filter out a lot of incompatibilities early on. :yawn:0 -
I think sexual innuendo is a good way to screen women. If they are turned off, it is a good indication that you're going to spend a whole lot of time trying to remove the stick from their *kitten* and you should move on. If they go with the flow, you can see how imaginitive they are and get a sense of their intelligence and creativity - not just sexually but in general terms.
WOW this could not be further from the truth! I am faaaaar from a prude and pretty sexually adventurous, but a guy being sexual before we have even met is way overstepping - just because a woman doesn't want to be sexual with every guy she comes across before they even know each other doesn't mean she has a stick up her *kitten*, come on! Super juvenile thing to say.
So is accusing every woman who doesn't have your "standards" of being desperate.
To be clear I don't have sex with everyone, I thought it was obvious but I guess I should be less subtle. Innuendo and sexual conversations are a handy screening process that actually filter out a lot of incompatibilities early on. :yawn:
I think you misunderstood...the title of this thread is talking about MEN and sexual innuendoes, so that is what I was talking about...MEN who make these kinds of comments without knowing a woman. Call it a double standard if you wish, but I assume men are always ok with it so a woman initiating it is fine. So no, I didn't accuse you of being desperate.0 -
It's really difficult NOT to make perverted jokes and sexual innuendos when you're a guy.0
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I think sexual innuendo is a good way to screen women. If they are turned off, it is a good indication that you're going to spend a whole lot of time trying to remove the stick from their *kitten* and you should move on. If they go with the flow, you can see how imaginitive they are and get a sense of their intelligence and creativity - not just sexually but in general terms.
WOW this could not be further from the truth! I am faaaaar from a prude and pretty sexually adventurous, but a guy being sexual before we have even met is way overstepping - just because a woman doesn't want to be sexual with every guy she comes across before they even know each other doesn't mean she has a stick up her *kitten*, come on! Super juvenile thing to say.
So is accusing every woman who doesn't have your "standards" of being desperate.
To be clear I don't have sex with everyone, I thought it was obvious but I guess I should be less subtle. Innuendo and sexual conversations are a handy screening process that actually filter out a lot of incompatibilities early on. :yawn:
I think you misunderstood...the title of this thread is talking about MEN and sexual innuendoes, so that is what I was talking about...MEN who make these kinds of comments without knowing a woman. Call it a double standard if you wish, but I assume men are always ok with it so a woman initiating it is fine. So no, I didn't accuse you of being desperate.
Really? Sorry for the misunderstanding. But to be fair you were responding directly to my comment when you said it.0 -
Call it a double standard if you wish, but I assume men are always ok with it so a woman initiating it is fine.
It's ok if you're hot, otherwise it's not.0
This discussion has been closed.