Here's what I did, and it's working damn well so far:

I just said to myself, "ONE. day. I'll go just ONE day without bingeing." Not restricting, and you probably shouldn't even count calories (although I did). Then, on that same day, get a little bit of moderate exercise. Nothing crazy.

If you can finish out that one day, you'll likely feel really good about yourself. It will make you less likely to binge the next day (or at least that's what happened to me). I told myself, "if you really want to binge, we'll leave Friday open as a binge day." I think one day a week is better than every day, and also when you plan for a binge all week long and it's a really conscious thing, it makes it less enjoyable when the day actually comes.

This is all just from personal experience, but I'd say, give it a shot, it couldn't hurt, and it's better than being where you're currently at. Believe me, I've been there.

Good luck, honey, and if you want to, feel free to add me.

Okay, so I've cleaned up all the empty microwave dinners, cake boxes and granola bar wrappers in my room, tucked a pillow beneath my bloated, taut belly, and am ready to type. I have no lessons, no inspiring pinterest-y quote. Instead, I'm still a wreck, fresh from my latest disaster, and I'm deeply sorry for that. But I want to write this because I want you to know you're not alone.

Sometimes in the middle of my insane bingeing episodes, I feel the better, once-thin part of myself has floated out of my body, is calmly sitting next to me, blowing and filing her pretty nails, wearing her pretty makeup, in her pretty outfits that I would rip the seams out of now, and is saying, "You're beyond help. What are you doing? Do you even know? Bet you can't stop yourself, like you weren't able to yesterday, last week, the week before that. Look at you, shoveling food down your useless piehole, alone, avoiding people, staring so intently at your food like it'll fill you up and this will really be the last time. Last time? I think we both know there is no 'last time.' Look at me- the skinny you. Take a good look because I'm gone now."

Sigh. I don't understand how it spun out of control so quickly, either. I was a thin child, fat teenager, chubby college student, and about two years ago drastically dropped weight to become a sickly, anorexic, severely underweight office worker. My lowest BMI was dangling at 16. From there, scared into eating by amenorrhea, I bounced back in several months to a normal weight- unfortunately, in a very abnormal way. Yes, you guessed it- by binging my heart out.

I've always been a big eater. I believe I could actually qualify for eating competitions. So normal eating? I highly doubt if left to my natural habits I'd hardly know what "normal" is. That said, at this point I've exhausted all possible options. I've tried distracting myself, taking up hobbies, exercising (this was the worst idea, because I'd weave in and out of every bakery and fast food store in between my place and the gym), talking to someone, etc. I've also googled and Youtubed the hell out of Binge-eating disorders, watched documentaries and Lifetime movies, read conventional and unconventional therapy books, blogs, you name it, I've done, seen, or read it.

I wish there was a nice closure to my story, but all there is is me, avoiding people, avoiding mirrors. Tomorrow I know my whole body will swell up from head to toe, my fingers will blow up and the straps of my flip flops will dig into my puffy feet. God, am I sick of this. I don't quite know if MFP is helping or hindering, either. All this talk of BMRs, TDEEs, IIFYM, IF, LC, "cheat days," "refeeds," leptin levels, clean eating, lifting, crossfit. Just.. no. Not what I need right now.

Okay, so I've cleaned up all the empty microwave dinners, cake boxes and granola bar wrappers in my room, tucked a pillow beneath my bloated, taut belly, and am ready to type. I have no lessons, no inspiring pinterest-y quote. Instead, I'm still a wreck, fresh from my latest disaster, and I'm deeply sorry for that. But I want to write this because I want you to know you're not alone.

Sometimes in the middle of my insane bingeing episodes, I feel the better, once-thin part of myself has floated out of my body, is calmly sitting next to me, blowing and filing her pretty nails, wearing her pretty makeup, in her pretty outfits that I would rip the seams out of now, and is saying, "You're beyond help. What are you doing? Do you even know? Bet you can't stop yourself, like you weren't able to yesterday, last week, the week before that. Look at you, shoveling food down your useless piehole, alone, avoiding people, staring so intently at your food like it'll fill you up and this will really be the last time. Last time? I think we both know there is no 'last time.' Look at me- the skinny you. Take a good look because I'm gone now."




Sigh. I don't understand how it spun out of control so quickly, either. I was a thin child, fat teenager, chubby college student, and about two years ago drastically dropped weight to become a sickly, anorexic, severely underweight office worker. My lowest BMI was dangling at 16. From there, scared into eating by amenorrhea, I bounced back in several months to a normal weight- unfortunately, in a very abnormal way. Yes, you guessed it- by binging my heart out.

I've always been a big eater. I believe I could actually qualify for eating competitions. So normal eating? I highly doubt if left to my natural habits I'd hardly know what "normal" is. That said, at this point I've exhausted all possible options. I've tried distracting myself, taking up hobbies, exercising (this was the worst idea, because I'd weave in and out of every bakery and fast food store in between my place and the gym), talking to someone, etc. I've also googled and Youtubed the hell out of Binge-eating disorders, watched documentaries and Lifetime movies, read conventional and unconventional therapy books, blogs, you name it, I've done, seen, or read it.

I wish there was a nice closure to my story, but all there is is me, avoiding people, avoiding mirrors. Tomorrow I know my whole body will swell up from head to toe, my fingers will blow up and the straps of my flip flops will dig into my puffy feet. God, am I sick of this. I don't quite know if MFP is helping or hindering, either. All this talk of BMRs, TDEEs, IIFYM, IF, LC, "cheat days," "refeeds," leptin levels, clean eating, lifting, crossfit. Just.. no. Not what I need right now.

This is me

Okay, so I've cleaned up all the empty microwave dinners, cake boxes and granola bar wrappers in my room, tucked a pillow beneath my bloated, taut belly, and am ready to type. I have no lessons, no inspiring pinterest-y quote. Instead, I'm still a wreck, fresh from my latest disaster, and I'm deeply sorry for that. But I want to write this because I want you to know you're not alone.

Sometimes in the middle of my insane bingeing episodes, I feel the better, once-thin part of myself has floated out of my body, is calmly sitting next to me, blowing and filing her pretty nails, wearing her pretty makeup, in her pretty outfits that I would rip the seams out of now, and is saying, "You're beyond help. What are you doing? Do you even know? Bet you can't stop yourself, like you weren't able to yesterday, last week, the week before that. Look at you, shoveling food down your useless piehole, alone, avoiding people, staring so intently at your food like it'll fill you up and this will really be the last time. Last time? I think we both know there is no 'last time.' Look at me- the skinny you. Take a good look because I'm gone now."




Sigh. I don't understand how it spun out of control so quickly, either. I was a thin child, fat teenager, chubby college student, and about two years ago drastically dropped weight to become a sickly, anorexic, severely underweight office worker. My lowest BMI was dangling at 16. From there, scared into eating by amenorrhea, I bounced back in several months to a normal weight- unfortunately, in a very abnormal way. Yes, you guessed it- by binging my heart out.

I've always been a big eater. I believe I could actually qualify for eating competitions. So normal eating? I highly doubt if left to my natural habits I'd hardly know what "normal" is. That said, at this point I've exhausted all possible options. I've tried distracting myself, taking up hobbies, exercising (this was the worst idea, because I'd weave in and out of every bakery and fast food store in between my place and the gym), talking to someone, etc. I've also googled and Youtubed the hell out of Binge-eating disorders, watched documentaries and Lifetime movies, read conventional and unconventional therapy books, blogs, you name it, I've done, seen, or read it.

I wish there was a nice closure to my story, but all there is is me, avoiding people, avoiding mirrors. Tomorrow I know my whole body will swell up from head to toe, my fingers will blow up and the straps of my flip flops will dig into my puffy feet. God, am I sick of this. I don't quite know if MFP is helping or hindering, either. All this talk of BMRs, TDEEs, IIFYM, IF, LC, "cheat days," "refeeds," leptin levels, clean eating, lifting, crossfit. Just.. no. Not what I need right now.

This is me

Yup, I'm there too. And have no idea where to go with this next. I am ashamed, embarrassed, disgusted with myself but still there is that little voice in my head carefully considering what I am going to eat next. And I use the term 'eat' loosely - I struggle to even call this eating. Putting the food into my my mouth is barely a conscious move. While I am glad there are other people suffering too reading your posts and no-one having a solution makes me feel hopeless :-(

Geneen Roths books are brilliant. There are loads of other good ones too. I think there is a thread in the Binge eaters support group on here with books/resources worth checking out. Someone mentioned they didn't know if MFP helps or hinders, I feel that way sometimes too. A lot of my binging is either to stamp down uncomfortable feelings or to get a sense of control (weird huh?!!) because my life is feeling out of control. You are most certainly not alone.
OP - you mentioned you don't know how it all started. A lot of the books I've read mentioned that bingeing starts as a response to losing weight/restrictive eating. It can also be part of a "re-feeding" syndrome that kicks in when anorexics start to eat again. I think for most of us it's a mixture of physiological responses to restrictive eating, psychological issues that we need to deal with and habit. Dissecting out each contributor one day/one binge at a time is tough but it's worth it. I had CBT about 2 years ago for 6 months. I still have times when I go on a week long binge and abscond from MFP.. but usually I am in control. I try to learn something about myself from every slip and then they do get less and less over time.

@SarahRea great job analyzing each binge and getting better from it!!:flowerforyou:

Thanks