I really think there is a lot more that comes into play, I don't think it's that simple.

I used to think I needed to date a single dad because they understood the challenges, the time constraints, etc. Because I have dated childless men who just didn't get it. but my current boyfriend is kidless and he is fantastic. I know he has dated others with kids, but I think a big part of it is because he is an involved uncle. He is very close to his niece/nephew and his family for that matter and he can see what it takes to be a family, let alone a single family.

Another factor is compromise -- from both parties. I know in my situation the kid's father works away and I can't use him religiously and I need backup plans. I have babysitters I call upon or for real special occasions I have close friends. I don't have family here. But I realize to make a relationship work I have to do things too. When you date long enough it's nice when you can have them over, or involve the kids, etc. But on the flip side the childless person needs to compromise too - kids get sick, babysitters, cancel, etc.

All is much easier when there is no baby daddy/momma drama!

So like I said above I used to think I had to date/or should date a single dad because he would get it, and things would work better. Now that I am in a relationship with a childless guy, I actually prefer it better. He is so flexible, doesn't have the same constraints as me, that he works around what I can/can't do and he is actually there to help some too. I think I like that he doesn't have those 'crap the kids' mom cancelled' issues and he can be around more hehe I am selfish aren't I?

But at the end off the day, I think it depends on all people involved, the maturity of same, the willingness to compromise, and the drama from the exes

I'm speaking as a childLESS woman and these are my feelings.

In my case, no, it wouldn't work out with me and a single dad. I want to be my mans #1 and I'm sure (as all parents have told me), their kids always come first. Of course, I'm aware that if I had a child with my man it would be natural for me to put MY kid first and to understand that naturally, he'd put OUR kid first.

If I'm bringing that to the table, I want the same.
So I see how it would take someone more open to that or someone that understands that. I choose to not.

I don't think this has anything to do with my maturity. It's my preference, my life, my feelings. More power to those that choose to be open to this situation!

As a guy I feel the same way with everything above. A single mom with kids in many cases, do not want anymore kids period. I am undecided about kids myself right now and I may want them down the road. I want to have that option available to me. Eventually I will get to an age where I won't want to have kids. What is that age? I don't know, but if I ever get to that point and I am single, I would be open to dating a single mom.

A single mom with kids in many cases, do not want anymore kids period.

This is a big assumption. That is up to the person themselves, and worth having a talk about upfront.

A single mom with kids in many cases, do not want anymore kids period.

This is a big assumption. That is up to the person themselves, and worth having a talk about upfront.

Yep, you're right. I thought I brought up age in my previous post but I didn't. I was referring to single moms in my dating age range, i.e. into their 30's and up, the ones I have talked to do not want more kids though I am sure there are single mom's in their 30's that wouldn't mind having more kids.

I think this totally depends on people involved. I prefer to date men with children, because I want to be part of a family, but can not have children of my own. I have dated men with kids...many ot them had full custody of the children, or actuall 50/50 split, this does bring about some other challenges, but I understand, and am patient. The guy I am dating now has full custody of his 9 year old, and his ex has only taken him one weekend in the past 5........makes it difficult, and frustrating beyond belief, but have not given up yet.

And I think if it get to the point of marriage........all stepparents are not awful. When I was married, I met my stepdaughter when she was 4 and we were close as we could be with minimal visits, etc. My stepfather accepts me as his own (he has no other children), my stepmother also accepts me as her own-she has 2 other bio children, and a foster child............so can be done

I have mixed feelings on this. In theory it shouldn't matter, but in reality who knows...

Short, cliche answer: Everyone's situation is different. Make time to date each other away from the kids.

Long answer:
It really depends on the couple and the relationship. I could go into details of my relationships, but it's all relative. I think the biggest things that I've learned are that you need to take time for yourselves as a "couple", without the kids. Once kids are introduced into the relationship, it's too easy to bring them everywhere, stay home or allow yourselves to be consumed in kid-friendly activities. While it's a nice thought and great in getting to know the kids, the relationship still needs to grow and the couple still needs to get to establish itself and make sure they have time to themselves (other than bed time). I've had far too many well intentioned relationships fail because we put too much attention on how my kids or our kids were feeling and not enough attention on how we were feeling.

My last relationship ended because I had kids and he didn't. He wanted to treat my kids as though they were his, and for the most part, I agreed with this. I even allowed him to discipline. This was a mistake on my part because he took "discipline" too far. When I confronted him about his discipline methods, he informed me that the kids were badly behaved because of me and I needed to let him take control of the discipline. Instant deal-breaker!

Now, I've been apprehensive about a new relationship because of how it might affect my kids. At this point, I would prefer someone that has kids and that I know can empathize. But that doesn't mean that a childless man doesn't stand a chance with me. It just means that he will have to recognize and respect my boundaries, particularly where the kids are concerned, and accept that I reserve the right to re-draw those boundaries at any time.

I believe the right guy would understand this, whether he has children of his own or not.

As a general rule, I prefer to date single fathers. They seem to have less issues with immaturity and jackholeishness. But then I have horrible luck with men, so...

I'm not sure. I always thought it would be nice to date a guy with kids because I don't particularly want my own, and usually guys look at me funny when I say that :frown:

Is it weird to not want children?

No, I don't think it's weird.