My last relationship ended because I had kids and he didn't. He wanted to treat my kids as though they were his, and for the most part, I agreed with this. I even allowed him to discipline. This was a mistake on my part because he took "discipline" too far. When I confronted him about his discipline methods, he informed me that the kids were badly behaved because of me and I needed to let him take control of the discipline. Instant deal-breaker!

Now, I've been apprehensive about a new relationship because of how it might affect my kids. At this point, I would prefer someone that has kids and that I know can empathize. But that doesn't mean that a childless man doesn't stand a chance with me. It just means that he will have to recognize and respect my boundaries, particularly where the kids are concerned, and accept that I reserve the right to re-draw those boundaries at any time.

I believe the right guy would understand this, whether he has children of his own or not.

I wasnt even getting into the practicalities of parenting, but yeah, this would be a problem. But the point here is just that he has a different parenting style, even though he has no children of his own. From that POV he isnt compatible with you, but this happens in traditional marriages where the children are biological to both parents, right?

I was more talking about if a childless person understands a parent, from a romantic perspective, if you know what I mean? Did you feel he could relate to you as a parent, understood when you couldnt make a date? Gave you time to be with your kids? Etc? I guess I'm talking about the initial stages before he even gets the honour to meet your children :flowerforyou:

oops, in my post I said "be wary of guys who don't want kids."

I didn't mean ALL men who don't want kids...in fact, I **SEEK** men who don't want kids because I enjoy my freedom and don't want to be saddled down with diapers and nursing.

I meant men who didn't want whatever kids you have. So, in my example, the guy I was liking had a college age daughter, but my son was much younger. So if a man told me he didn't want younger kids, I would be wary of the relationship, even though I wouldn't necessarily write him off.

I'm not sure. I always thought it would be nice to date a guy with kids because I don't particularly want my own, and usually guys look at me funny when I say that :frown:

Is it weird to not want children?

Well Kate, for the first time in my 49 years I've been made to feel weird about it...........the reason I posted this topic is because I was recently rejected by a father for basically, not being a mother! He doesnt think I will understand him??

I'm offended and saddened by the whole assumption that a childless person is any less empathetic, caring, switched on to or concerned about a child's protection, needs and welfare than a parent would be. I know that I would die for my friend's children such is the natural 'motherly' instinct I feel when they're round me.

I've honestly never given a second thought to prospective partner being a parent. I dont see what difference it makes. You either dove tail into each other's lives, or you don't. This, is as much to do with the character of the two people as it is to do with their lifestyle, circumstances and your overall compatibility.

I know we are all different. But it's been reassuring to read that most of you parents are happy with your childless partners :flowerforyou:

I even allowed him to discipline. This was a mistake on my part because he took "discipline" too far. When I confronted him about his discipline methods, he informed me that the kids were badly behaved because of me and I needed to let him take control of the discipline. Instant deal-breaker!

I don't think allowing him to discipline was a mistake on your part, unfortunately he was just polar opposite of your discipline style.

It's tough, because they are a role model for your child and at some point have to take a discipline approach too - depending where the relationship is, etc. - but I think you need to have a discussion up front about it before you allow them too.

My first relationship as a single mom the guy had kids and it was quickly evident we had the same parenting style, so worked well. My current boyfriend doesn't have kids of his own, but we tend to have our heads on the same direction. he has never disciplined my kids persay, majorly, but will correct them when they are obviously doing something wrong.

I think a BIG discussion needs to take place so you both can be comfortable with the others discipline so it doesn't cause any issues. What your styles are, what is ok for you/him, etc.

It's been working out pretty well for me so far. But it helps that her ex gets the kids Tuesdays and every other weekend, so we still get quality alone time. I don't mind at all that the kids will always come first, I wouldn't expect it any other way. In fact it actually takes some of the pressure off. Past girlfriends have obsessed about getting married and having kids, but with the current girlfriend things are going a little more my speed. Neither of us really want to have more kids and we are both on the same page about when we think we should take the next step.

I've found when you really like someone things just seem to work. Yes eventually I will have to make a very big life adjustment, but I barely even worry about it anymore, I'm actually a little excited for it.