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Do you feel your weight has kept you single?

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  • bound4beauty
    bound4beauty Posts: 274 Member
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    I've hid behind my weight for years. Rationale being that nobody would want a fat girl like me so why bother putting myself out there. Why make myself vulnerable to rejection, why risk getting a broken heart again? Why put my son through it? It was way easier to stay home and stuff my emotions down with food.

    Well, not anymore baby. I may be in my 50's but I'm nowhere near being done with life and now that my son is an adult, it's my time to embrace life and find someone to share the journey with.
  • Tatiyanya
    Tatiyanya Posts: 255 Member
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    No.
    I was in relationships 'till i lost my weight. Seriously serious ones, with engagement and they both took together a decade. Broke up both of them. Now I am single and suspect it might last,I'm almost at my goal weight.

    Two possibilities :
    1) I steamrolled with my fat *kitten* the insecurities and went for a kill knowing 90% of cases i will get rejected with flirtage, so I didnt care, cos I can always drop half of my weight and i'll be having dudes back forth and centre, right?

    Now i'm healthy looking girl that never innitiates I also got hella more picky :( I'm also tangled in situation where both of my best male friends have crush on me, so I gotta be super carefull not to hurt any of em. I guess that keeps me succesfully single, more than weighting 120kg ever did >>.

    2) It's that or i dated chubby chasers.
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
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    Yeah, I think it has. I've lacked in confidence most of my life, and at almost 30 (I'll turn 30 July 5th), I've only had one boyfriend, and he liked bigger girls...

    I tend to think that guys won't like me because of my weight, so even if they're flirty, I write them off as "oh, they're just being nice". I've gotten a lot better, and realized how f*cking awesome I really am, and learned to accept that people really CAN and DO like me.

    It's been a long road, but I still think my weight has an effect, simply on outward attractiveness, as I still feel I need to use my personality to get a guy...
  • Apogree
    Apogree Posts: 12 Member
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    I honestly didn't start to really date until I lost around 30lbs (used to be barely over 200lbs), but I don't think it was really the weight. I mean yes, to a degree it was, but it was mainly my utter lack of self-confidence and my negative attitude towards a lot of things. I would instantly shut down any hopes I had when it came to dating and it circled, like a vulture, around the excuse "I'm too fat.". Notice I said excuse.

    Now that I'm a little better, but still have a ways to go, I know that it's all of me, not just the added pounds, that decides whether I'm going to be single or not. I've learned a lot about dating and myself over the last three years, but all we can do is keep moving forward and hope we find someone who builds us up and encourages our healthy life styles (or in my case an attempt at one). The last few I was with were negative in different ends of the spectrum. One constantly wanted to drag me down into gaining weight by eating out numerous times a week and to skip workout sessions, while my latest (as of this early May), would sneak in comments that made me feel bad about myself.

    In the end, I still have a lot of work to do, weight wise and relationship wise, but I'm getting better. :)
  • maggiekcm
    maggiekcm Posts: 8
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    So now, any time I see an attractive girl, my thought process roughly goes like this: "She's cute! I should ask her out! Or rather, I should, but she doesn't look like the type who's into fat guys. Of course, even if she did go out with you, she'd probably cheat on you...screw it, let's have another beer."

    Replace "she" with "he" and thats totally how I think!

    Now that being said, I do believe there are men out there (or women for you single guys) who will see YOU and not your flaws. I was 320lbs when I met and married my wonderful husband. He loved me for ME and could see past my size. I am so thankful that I had him. And you know, I felt beautiful when he looked at me. Well he passed away, I gained 60lbs and just lately took a good look in the mirror and was pretty ashamed of what I saw. I have a lot of kiddos in my family that I want to keep up with, and when you get winded going from your couch to your bathroom, it just isn't going to happen. I don't like myself anymore and I know even if no one can see that lack of self confidence, its there and is tangible. When I met my late husband I was VERY confident about myself and I know that helped! You have to believe in yourself and loosing weight will show you what you can achieve!
  • laurenrenee1025
    laurenrenee1025 Posts: 100
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    I know I am single because I am overweight. I have been thin a lot of my life and still live in that mentality sometimes. I am honestly attracted to men that would like the thin version of me. Society is shallow(me included) and truly sucks... I realize I will be single until I dedicate the time I need to reach the body that makes me happy.
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
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    I am honestly attracted to men that would like the thin version of me.

    That's a huge issue for me, too. The type of guys I typically like have absolutely no interest in a fat girl.
  • gym_king_carlie
    gym_king_carlie Posts: 528 Member
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    Weight did hold me back psychologically, women want a masculine man (if we are talking selection) I wasn't confident in myself and my body language was all wrong because I believed my weight made me undesirable but the real problem was that thought alone, it wasn't a masculine trait and I would usually end up in the friend zone everytime, so although weight never held me back physically, it held me back mentally.
  • adoreme214
    adoreme214 Posts: 50 Member
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    Yes. Most definitely. Why? For the last 2.5 years I work for one of the leading online relationship web sites.

    The #1 complaint from men about women is their weight. They don't live an active lifestyle.

    The problem is so many people focus on looks that they miss the person who is right for them and will adore them like a king or queen. You have to many NON ken's and NON barbies who want a KEN or BARBIE! Ridiculous!

    I've personally been a paid member of a few sites over the years, but with no success. I get a lot of views but not communications. Based on my feedback from men calling my job i know it's b/c of my weight. I get it. I want the best from my partner, so I have to be my best for him!
  • Smiling_Sara
    Smiling_Sara Posts: 203 Member
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    Very much so. I'm not comfortable in my body at all. I have a lot of anxiety revolving around dating and intimacy. In fact, at my lowest weight ( 185 ) I was starting to get a lot more attention from men, and it caused me such uncomfortableness that I gained 40 pounds back. I'm slowly working that back down again. I know that sounds ridiculous since men are attracted to all sorts of types of women, but when I was heavier I didn't get much attention at all from men. It's something I'm really going to try and get to the bottom of in 2014.

    Now, just if I wasn't so anxious and could make some phone calls to some professionals about my anxiety and intimacy issues.
  • maryb26
    maryb26 Posts: 2 Member
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    I think it affects the men who would be interested in me.
  • mmartinez_az
    mmartinez_az Posts: 580
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    Not really, its just a lack of luck in the fact of finding the right one.
  • scubasuenc
    scubasuenc Posts: 626 Member
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    I'm not sure my weight has kept me single, or I have used it as an excuse. Basically I have disliked myself so much, that I had a low opinion of any man who showed interest because he was into fat women. Really stupid I know.

    I have used my fat as armor. I have made it into a much bigger issue with the opposite sex that it really is. By doing that I could blame everything on the weight and not deal with the underlying self esteem issues.
  • becs3578
    becs3578 Posts: 836 Member
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    Weight affected how other saw me.. and how I saw myself.. Since losing about 40 lbs (with about 10 to go).. I can see myself as desirable (Well to a point, ha).. and see that someone might be interested in me. Before I just couldnt see that. I spent over 4 years alone.. without going on a date and hiding myself away. About to end a relationship of about 4 months.. but I see it an a positive thing and something that is a building bblock of who I want to be and who I want to be with.

    For me the weightloss, strength and confidence I have gained (a lot of credit goes to crossfit).. is the reason I can see myself finding a healthy and family relationship.. and that I will not stay in one that isnt really where I should be staying.
  • Leoness726
    Leoness726 Posts: 14 Member
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    I don't believe my weight has kept me single, I believe that I have kept me single. There are plenty of men and women out there who don't mind or even prefer a larger woman, but because I don't personally feel comfortable, confident, or happy with how I look and feel I don't tend to go out of my way to meet anyone. It's in my own head, it's my own problem.

    I believe there is someone for everyone, but you have to be ready for that to happen. I have been overweight my whole life and I've had several partners, none of which minded the weight. It has only been the last few years when I really piled on weight that I made the choice to stop trying or even thinking about having someone.

    People are beautiful and sexy at all shapes and sizes, it only comes down to how YOU feel. Will every man or woman be attracted to someone overweight? No, of course not. You have to accept that not everyone you are attracted to will be attracted to you, but it doesn't mean there aren't any at all.

    Ultimately, I think it's important that you do what you need to do to feel confident in yourself. Whether that's losing weight, or maybe talking to a therapist about confidence issues, or anything else that can help you exude the beautiful person you are so that others can see it, too. :flowerforyou:

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