Ok Angela first I think it very noble of you to even consider HIS feeling about YOUR diet, but since you are....

1.) You've lost almost 30 pounds ON YOUR OWN no surgery, he didn't do it for you YOU did that.

2.)You're in the LEARNING phases of weight loss, and HE isn't YOUR dietician/nutritionist. That job position has already been filled.

3.) Let him know that his support is vital(sounds like you two a pretty close) but his OVER concern causes you stress and that will lead to self sabotage. So if he is truly trying to HELP you, he can calmly say his peace (if he must) and that's where it should end.

4.) You have NO REASON to apologize or defend anything to anyone but yourself, and you most certainly have NOTHING to apologize for with a snack that consisted of a cup of raw vegetables, edamame hummus, and chicken breast!! What is that 200-225 calories of protein, fiber, and nutrients! Com' on man! EXCELLENT WAY of controlling the situation EXCELLENT!!!!

5.) YOU'RE DOING GREAT! KEEP IT UP!! :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:

Feel free to print this out and give it to him!:laugh: :laugh:

Jena

I have been doing this for a while, and have been very successful. And I have followed a lot of people, some who have been successful, and some who haven't. And I want to be helpful with you as well.

The other posters are wrong. You aren't doing great. You are looking for every excuse you can to go off your program. And if you don't get back on track, you will go completely off the rails. I know you will likely be furious with me, like you are with your brother, but he is right.

Surgery can help your innards, but not your head. You need to get your head into this. You will lose weight with surgery, but without changing your thinking, you will gain back every pound and then some. I've seen it with many people, and every one starts out just like you are.

Stop making excuses. Follow your program to the letter. Stop asking others, whether dieticians or on here, for permission to deviate. This is not just a "cheat" now and then. It's a pattern, and one that you will regret.

You know, you may be mad about this from me too, but I think grim is more on track than others. Yes, grilled chicken, veggies, and hummus are all good choices, when you are on a solid food diet.

However, you have been prescribed a liquid diet. There are three things that I was told that have been very memorable for me.

1. 50% of weight loss surgery patients gain it all back within 5 years. There is a woman whom I work with who had surgery about 6 months before me. She's already starting to gain back at 2 years post surgery. I see some of the food choices that she makes on a regular basis and I find them very questionable. She probably shouldn't be eating take out Chinese 3 days a week for example.
2. Treat food as if it's medicine. You wouldn't intentionally overdose on say, hypertension or pain meds would you?
3. "Weight lose surgery is not a do over. It's a do better." WLS is simply a tool to help you change your lifestyle. Lifestyle changes are really what we all need. They simply give you time to form new habits.

With those in mind, I understand it's only the pre-op diet. I was on a liquid diet pre-op as well. They wanted me to lose weight to shrink the size of my liver. Fatty liver diseases (which most obese people have) cause it to get in the way during surgery. They then would have to switch from laproscopic to fully open surgery, which takes much longer to recover from. I sure as hell didn't want to have a 12 inch incision in my side. I followed my 2 weeks of liquid diet to a T. The problem here is, that if you continually find excuses for when it's okay to go off the liquid diet, for even a meal, then it becomes habit. Since your dietitian says the diet is mainly for you to form the habit, you are only hurting yourself.

You've done well so far! Don't discount the weight loss you've had so far, but you need to work on buckling down. I treat myself on one meal a week. That means I have to have at least 6 good days before I'll allow myself something extra, but keep in mind I'm 18 months post surgery. Don't let cheating become a habit like it sounds like it is. One of most important parts of any diet is planning ahead. You can buy pre-made protein shakes to carry with you. For my two weeks I was on Optifast. They can be stored at room temperature, so all you had to do was carry it with you. If you know you'll be busy, carry some with you.

As for your brother. Most guys are fixers. I know I am. This means that they are proactive in trying to fix something. If my wife tells me shes cold, I'll get her a blanket or turn the heat up. If she complains about a squeaky door, I'll lubricate it. If she tells me she wants to lose weight, I'll suggest meals, or look up research for it. He's honestly trying to help you. His heart is in the right place, but his methods might be a bit off. If you don't like him nagging you, tell him. Maybe let him know other ways that he can help. Maybe he can help set your meals out, or put them in your purse so you can take them with you? Maybe he can help you the night before to get everything ready, so there is no rush in the morning. Most times when people cheat, its because they didn't plan ahead and have something ready.

The bottom line is that I think you both have stuff to work you. For you, you need to actually form the habit. You're on a liquid diet, not a solid whenever the excuse arises diet. You'll learn very quickly after surgery that your body will utterly feel like crap if you deviate from your prescribed diet. Simply don't do it! It was prescribed for a reason. You may also want to consider being completely honest with your nutritionist. Seems to me they said every once in awhile for solids is fine. They probably didn't mean entire days. You also need to tell your brother when enough is enough. Don't do it when tensions are high, wait until you can both cool down. He's trying to help, and will feel hurt if you simply tell him to butt out. Your brother also needs to learn to listen and know when enough is enough. Nagging isn't the way to get things done.

Maybe Angela can put us right on this but, I don't think she's on the official faze of the liquid diet yet...?

I understood that this was to get her used to it by using a few days here and there where she would adhere to it. Hence her comment about people/her brother not understanding what she was doing.

My only comment is on your brother's reaction and how to get his support. Firstly does he know what you know? His concerns appears to come from a lack of understanding of what you actually know about your requirements. It sounds like more communication is needed so that you both are on the same wavelength. Secondly if he is your main support person, (which is likely since you live together) he should be attending at least some of your appointments with your nutritionist. That way he can ask the questions that he is concerned about and then when he points out concerns he is only echoing what the nutritionist told you. You will be less likely to feel attacked and more like a getting a supportive reminder. Also, be open with him about your tricky schedule. Ask for his ideas on how to navigate some of those tricky unexpected days. Attempt to apply some of his ideas this will reassure him that you are indeed trying to work toward your goal rather than sabotage it. In any case keep up your progress and don't allow stress days to make you lose sight. All the best.

this is just to prepare myself more with habit and surgery

I am in the stage of classes right now and also being told to do things for practice at this point. Granted I did feel you had some excuses that you shouldn't be defending so much and I agree making these excuses will cause someone to revert back to old habits and gain their wieght back. I didn't comment on that so much as you are saying you are going to therapy and dealing with these things but I hope you appreciate the candor the other posters have used with you and know it comes from a sincere place. I most definately appreciate the stong advice as I do NOT want this weight back once it's gone.

It is a long road and yes your going to hit bumps but take these folks advice and listen to your Doctors and strictly follow the plan once you are in the phase of LIQUIDS ONLY.

Stay Strong young lady!!

But I am definitely taking into consideration all of your advise!!! Dont get me wrong, I am very open minded even when it comes to my own blindness in situations. I go to therapy once a week and have been since October and will be for quite awhile. I dont have a problem with seeking help and trying to actively improve myself.

I think this is great. I was in therapy for over a year before I started the process for weight loss surgery. It was more help than I can even tell you.

I see we have almost the same amount of weight to lose. Through therapy and changing the way I think, I lost a 70lbs even before I had the surgery. (My ticker shows I have lost 117 but it's more - I just don't weigh myself unless I go to the Dr, just one of my quirks!) I think what helped me the most was sticking with the program to a T. No excuses, no deviations. But, I am a very black and white type thinker as you put it, and this worked for me. I just know that I have a long road ahead and I don't want to get off track.

Jena is right when she says that all the advice you are being given does come from a sincere and caring place. We have all been through the journey, we are all in different phases, and we are all part of this group to help each other and hopefully we can learn from each others' experiences and mistakes.

Angela, what I see you doing is still trying to justify your choices, rather than just admitting you made the wrong choice. That kind of thinking leads to major problems. You have too many rationalizations. And don't chalk it up to male thinking vs femal thinking. Most of the really long term success stories I know are women, and they would be ripping me a new one right now for being so easy on you.

You are five months into this process, so you should know by now that you have to plan ahead. If you don't bring liquid protein with you, you should know which convenience stores have premixed protein shakes. There are lots of options, rather than ditching your plan entirely. You certainly could have had liquid protein before you left the house in the morning, and again when you got home at night, leaving one meal in between to figure something out. But you choose to rationalize, and eat what you wanted to all day.

Alternating weeks is easy. You can survive on liquids for a week, knowing that you can eat solds the following week. What will you do at the end, when you have two straight weeks of liquids pre-op, and two to four weeks more post-op? In this frame of mind, you will drive yourself crazy, or worse.

The changes you need to make have to be permanent to succeed. Five months are gone, and you have one month left to make yourself follow the committment you have made. We all want you to be a success.

I didn't have to do a pre-op liquid diet, but I followed everything else to a T. EVERYTHING. I have known people who had regain after WLS and I asked them why they thought they regained. They all said the same thing - they didn't do what they were supposed to do. That simple. So, now I do everything I am supposed to do. I don't deviate, I don't justify. I have had a friend tell me I was being "obsessive". If that's what she wants to call it, fine. I call it doing everything within my power to ensure my success.

It's more than just carrying protein bars with you. It's just plain doing what you are supposed to do, and that includes planning for the unexpected, and not over-thinking or over-rationalizing. That might just be my black and white thinking again, but I don't think there is room in this process for circular thinking.

I get really frustrated when I see people posting about how hard this process is. In my head I think, did you think this would be easy? It takes a lot of effort and change. I thought I was really prepared, and in a sense I was, but from the minute you have surgery, life is very different. There isn't room to compromise, especially in the beginning. Grim might be giving you a little tough love, but everything he is saying is right. Please do everything in your power to let this process work for you, without trying to change things to suit you. This will reallllly help you be successful. I wish you the very best!