I didn't have to do a pre-op liquid diet, but I followed everything else to a T. EVERYTHING. I have known people who had regain after WLS and I asked them why they thought they regained. They all said the same thing - they didn't do what they were supposed to do. That simple. So, now I do everything I am supposed to do. I don't deviate, I don't justify. I have had a friend tell me I was being "obsessive". If that's what she wants to call it, fine. I call it doing everything within my power to ensure my success.

It's more than just carrying protein bars with you. It's just plain doing what you are supposed to do, and that includes planning for the unexpected, and not over-thinking or over-rationalizing. That might just be my black and white thinking again, but I don't think there is room in this process for circular thinking.

I get really frustrated when I see people posting about how hard this process is. In my head I think, did you think this would be easy? It takes a lot of effort and change. I thought I was really prepared, and in a sense I was, but from the minute you have surgery, life is very different. There isn't room to compromise, especially in the beginning. Grim might be giving you a little tough love, but everything he is saying is right. Please do everything in your power to let this process work for you, without trying to change things to suit you. This will reallllly help you be successful. I wish you the very best!

And this is why you will continue to be successful, you really get it.

I still weigh all of my portions, and log every bite of food that goes in my mouth every day. It's easy to do, and it becomes second nature after a little while. And whenever I notice a couple of pounds creep on, I know exactly how much to cut back for it to disappear again. It's a great feeling to be in control of it for a change.

Similar to Garber, I recently had a friend tell me that I was being obsessive by weighing and logging, and thought it might be a sign of an eating disorder. I don't know what the technical definition of an eating disorder is, to be honest. But when I was 475 pounds I knew for certain that I had one. If I have an eating disorder now, I would much rather have this kind than the Super Morbidly Obese one.

Blah blah, excuses, blah, eating too soon, death from not chewing, complications, etc.

Everyone is different, every surgery is different, listen to your doctors. You won't ever get away from people judging you, it's just what people do.

I had RNY gastric bypass May 2nd 2012, I was on a semi-liquid diet for 2 weeks before, liquid for 3 days after and then told to start eating crackers with cheese and lunch meat from that point on and to introduce regular food. I was never told to not eat anything, including fizzy drinks unless I had an adverse reaction. I ate 18 chicken nuggets yesterday and a medium fry over the course of 3 and 1/2 hours and I didn't die. I have to admit I should have waited even longer to drink anything after such a massive meal but again, not dead, not over calories, no guilt. I have lost 60%+ of my excess weight that I was told I would lose and I know after pregnancy that I will continue to lose weight because I know more now then I did before I went through a year and a half of intensive pre-op classes. How different does that sound to loads of other WLS patients? I must be one of those people who are doomed to gain all their weight back!

My point; you have a team, listen to them. You're not the same as me, or anyone else on this website, in your family or in your pre-op classes. Utilize your people, snuff the nay-sayers, you're paying for professional advice, follow that.

I only want to say that you seem like a strong, opinionated, beautiful woman and you would be doing a disservice to yourself if you didn't do everything in your power to take advantage of this opportunity to improve your health. Also, I'm sure all these seemingly negative comments are coming from a place of concern and caring. Ultimately, it's all up to you. The only person you have to make proud is yourself.

That's why i referred to the comments as "seemingly negative."

While I agree that this is a serious issue and I am not intending to minimize, I can certainly understand why angelaanhela would feel kind of attacked. She came here for support and understanding. What she got was tough love, but it took more of a tone of group shaming.

Next time, maybe try a little understanding before you pass judgement on someone who is clearly under a great deal of stress. We should all understand the stress of undergoing a major life change. The actions as a result of this stress are not indicative of future success or failure.

I just hope everyone is proud of their responses and justifications for said responses.

How YOU perceive your advice is not important. How she perceives it is. The ultimate goal of advice is not to bully someone into your way of thinking. That doesn't help anyone. If anything it makes them less likely to try and understand what you are trying to tell them.

This woman felt like she had lost support at home and now she probably feels like she's lost the support of the people on here, too.

What happened to the positive and uplifting message of taking control of your life and everyone here being in the same boat? I hope anyone who needs support and POSITIVE reinforcement to make the right choices feels safe to talk to me in a judgement free environment, because it's not my job to make someone's decisions for them. I can only give them a friendly point in the right direction. Where they go from there is up to them.

Were you able to have a discussion with your brother? How did it turn out?

Bottom line is people who have been there done that are offering you their perspective of WLS because they want you to succeed, your brother I think is coming from the same place.
You have a lot of support and I think you know that.

Keep Going!!!! :drinker:

Lots of comments today.

Thank you all for your concerns, advices, sharings. They are all taken into consideration with personal self-reflection, as is the purpose of anyone posting a discussion.It is always good to have different perspectives.

Failure only happens when you stop trying. Being im-perfect is not an indication of future failure or even current failure. If that was true then we are ALL failures. I personally think it is more beneficial to my success to focus on things I am doing right than on discouraging and demotivating myself by dwelling in little mistakes.

The original post was asking for advise on how to deal with people who are close to you, who think they know your diet better than you, and how to politely get them to stop abrasively judging your choices.

Angela, positive thinking is great, but even here you admit you make mistakes. Like I said before, there isn't a lot of room for mistakes in this process, especially after surgery. Even little mistakes are mistakes and they can cause problems. Imperfection is not an indication of possible failure, but not doing what you need to do in a strict program like the pre-weight loss surgery process could very well be an indication though.

As far as failure, I get what you are saying, but let's face it, if we hadn't all failed at trying to lose weight normally, we wouldn't be preparing for or living with weight loss surgery. I tried to lose weight many times, but failed because I didn't do the right things. Failure doesn't just happen when you stop trying, failure can occur when you don't do things the way they should be done.

As far as your original post, people were commenting on a lot of information you put out there, not just the question about how to deal with people judging People were just trying to give advice based on what you put out there. Everyone here has experience of one sort of another that we can all learn from. This is not a process that you can look at through rose colored glasses. You can self reflect on and rationalize anything, we all can, we have all done it and that's why a lot of us are here, but being introspective is not the same as being committed to the process.

I sincerely hope you heed the advice that you are getting here. Please do all that you can to get it right BEFORE you have your surgery. I truly believe this is one of the keys to success. We all care and we all want to see each other be successful.