I have no idea where to meet men =/

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Replies

  • mmouse90
    mmouse90 Posts: 83
    I tried eHarmony and OKCupid....both were a nightmare with OKCupid being the worse. Actually had one guy ask me if I preferred to wear pantyhose, thigh-highs or none at all and that he preferred pantyhose. I think he meant he preferred women to wear pantyhose.......needless to say I closed both accounts.

    You should of had fun with that one and asked him where he bought his pantyhose :)

    I had a similar bad experience with OKCupid years ago.


    Oh I had many ideas however I was driving back home from a hike and read it while a stop sign so by the time I got home and cleaned up I said forget about it and deleted the *kitten*

    So it was Literally a stop sign when you saw the figuratively stop sign from the *kitten*

    Yes, yes it was
  • crystaletue9
    crystaletue9 Posts: 10 Member
    church, can i get an amen!!
  • crystaletue9
    crystaletue9 Posts: 10 Member
    yes! church! AMEN!!!!!
  • I have also tried POF and haven't had any luck on there. The church that I go to is mainly people my parents or my grandparents age so I don't have much luck there either. Ha!
  • I know this is an older post but had to write.

    I've been single by choice for 4 years, but the last year I have signed up for a number of online dating sites to get out there and meet some new men. I have been terribly disappointed that nothing went further than a second date, and I'm not one to put out right away. What usually happened is they see me in person and either it is my weight (I'm 40 lbs over but don't look terrible, too successful in my career (seriously...I have had that a few times), and/or my short hair cut. And seriously, most of the guys on there are so delusional about what they will get - give me a break.

    I also find that people I meet on line - all they want to do is text! Forever. No one wants to talk on the phone anymore. OMG! Not my thing and I am only 39.

    I have no children, very successful in the area I live - you name it, I think I'm a catch.

    It really is a self deflation for me.

    Recently I have just been doing what I love to do and have meet a few men I've asked out. It didn't go anywhere, but I felt so much better because they knew what I looked like right off the bat - and they stil said yes. Feel better about this approach - thinking about doing the meetup.com thing too. There are a number of groups in my area.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    I have the same problem. Well I meet men, but they are only interested in one thing!

    Where are all the genuine nice men at? Do they even exist? Should I just become a nun?
    These are questions I often ask myself. if anybody could enlighten me it would be gravely appreciated :D

    ^^ Since you responded to the old post.. I'll respond too.

    If you don’t want to go the online route here are some ideas: Meet guys out doing stuff you love to do (volunteering, church work, bookstore, Meetup.com, running groups (even if you’re not a good runner)) or by trying out stuff guys like to do. I discovered, by accident, that taking my son to guy stuff he was growing into REALLY helped me meet men (things like Top Golf, car shows, motorcycle shows, hanging out at bass pro). One suggestion I have not tried but I hear worked for others is to take a part time job in a “guy domain” like a small, local hardware store.

    The first time I tried to date online it was disastrous! I learned a lot, though, and I put it into practice a year later when I went on an online-dating blitz. I will admit my reasons for doing this were shallow: I'd been told (here in MFP) by someone I thought had a relationship with that not only were we NOT in a relationship but that I'd always been sort of a “gap filler” for him til the real thing came along. So I wanted to prove to myself (and, to him, though I never saw him again so dumb reason) that I was still desirable. I posted realistic (and RECENT) pictures of myself on Match.com and went out with everyone who asked.

    I went out with about 20 guys. Of them, only 1 seemed to be a real jerk. Only one of those was a player-type. Most seemed like good guys actually looking for relationships. . They just weren’t a good match for me.

    Have you been online but it’s not working? Here’s what worked for me the 2nd time around. I got most of these tips from men I dated (or tried to date) the first time around. If you feel like all you’re getting is losers, please take a read:

    1. Take good pictures where you are smiling and happy and at normal angles (not angles obviously trying to make you look thinner). Better yet, have someone else take them- people are HAPPY to snap a shot in front of a statue, cool building, sporting event, etc. Once I got over the embarrassment of asking strangers to take my photo I found it is true! Men are attracted physically first so maximize the camera and don’t post pics that make you look unattractive or lonely.

    2. Make sure those pics are recent and REALLY reflect your appearance: You want the guy to be attracted to YOU. If you use last year’s picture but have put on some weight he is NOT going to be happy when he sees you. Sorry. Guys don’t typically work like women- we stereotypically can overlook physical imperfections for a great personality. Guys do too, but their initial focus is on looks. This does NOT mean you have to be thin to attract a good man. My BF loves a thicker frame (both me and his ex have the same shape).

    3. Make sure those pics reflect a variety of interests. You want your profile to reflect confidence and a full life so he doesn’t think you are someone he can just run over. Loser men trying to find a sugar momma or someone they can easily control move past profiles that reflect confidence. Also, confident happy men look for confident happy women. I highly recommend you take down any sexy or party girl pictures if you find you are getting too many guys who want sex with no relationship. People argue with me about this, and I’m not saying don’t have those pics up fi what you are looking for IS more of the party life. I’m just saying if you have too many men who only seem to want FWB, then perhaps try taking those pics down. This last time I went online, I only got 1 guy who was obviously out for that. The others appeared to really, truly, be looking for a relationship and I think my profile pics have a lot to do with that.

    4. Keep your profile short and sweet. Just the basics. If you’re into community efforts, throw in a sentence so selfish jerks need not apply. If you love your pet, throw in a sentence so those who are allergic need not apply. No books. Your profile should be WAY shorter than what I’m wrting here! Haha And, though many people are looking for marriage eventually, I’ve been told by several men that the “M Word” scares them off so rather than bodly declare “I’m looking to get married” try something that worked for me (and was suggested by a man). “I’m not in a rush, so let’s just get to know each other and see where this goes.” This lets the guy know you’re not going to jump into a bed/relationship/pressuring for a ring too soon. EVEN IF you want to be married yesterday, if you’re not getting good results I suggest you try this approach.

    5. Consider downplaying your earning power: my profile made me look fairly unprofessional because I found that listing how much I made and what I do attracted the wrong kind of men (the ones who wanted someone to take care of them) and scared off the ones I was looking for. Not exactly sure why that is.

    6. Be REAL. My first experience online I was soooo scared and embarrassed! I used a fake (but similar and fuzzy) picture and gave the guy a different name. The sad part is, the first guy I met was wonderful! He seemed very compatible and when it came time to meet he was put off by my fake pictures. He got over that, once he saw real ones, but when he found out I’d given him a fake name that was it. He bolted and told me to stop wasting men’s time. If you aren’t ready to be real online, I get it. Just know you may have similar experiences. After that, I created a whole new profile… a real one.

    7. Be careful of the stereoytpes your factoids imply. I have physics and engineering degrees. I had no idea that this conjured up a TOTALLY different personality woman in the minds of men reading my profile than who I really am. I discovered this while reviewing a profile for a guy friend and I thought his profile - laced with PhDs and his job info - made HIM look WAY more lame than the fun-loving guy I knew. Removing this or that fact does not change who you are, so make sure the facts you put out there REALLY reflect the kind of woman that your dream guy is looking for.

    8. After about a week of email/text, no later, ask when you’re going to meet. This cuts out a LOT of the guys just playing around or looking for affairs. Before I learned to do this (and before I was comfortable) I wasted months emailing guys who would never actually meet. If you’re not comfortable with going out with a stranger too soon (I wasn’t the first time I got online) try to work on getting more comfortable. For example, approaching guys that really aren’t your type so you can practice going on dates. You never know! One of those who wasn’t your type might just be “the ONE.” Which leads me to my next point:

    9. If good, honest pictures and a short, fun profile result in guys approaching you respond to them. Don’t ignore them because the message was short or their grammar was poor. Answer in kind. If they write “hey” write “hey” back. If they say, “Hi, I saw your profile and we have lots in common. My name is XXX.” Write them back an equally short message. If they write a book, do more. Please do not write him off a short-and-sweet initial message. Most guys online contact tons of women with no response. My BF of 1.5 years wrote a simple 3 sentence message that didn’t say much except that he too was not looking to rush into anything. Plus he looked” ehhh,” not dreamy. Haha. I wrote him back. He eventually asked me out. The rest is history.

    10. And if he asks you out, the GO OUT with him. All of them who actually ask you out. Whether he’s perfect or not. Just go. You may be surprised! One guy looked like a total snake but he turned out to be the most charming down-home guy ever! Another guy looked kinda funny online but looked GREAT in person. Like I wrote above, I wasn’t really digging my BFs photos but when we met he won me over.

    11. Finally, be ok with limited results as long as they are the right results. If you are in a small market, or if you have (like me) religious, racial, occupational, or any number of “less desirable” traits then you’ll have to accept that you might not get as much attention as the next girl who doesn’t struggle with these things. In my case, the dating websites report that I am in the least desired ethnicity. I won’t have sex without commitment (which ALREADY guarantees few repeat dates). I have my financial act together (which, believe it or not MEN have told me is a DETRACTOR..smh!). Because of all these (and my vain personality haha) I already know that I’m not going to go out with a lot of guys. For most of those guys, it was “one and done.” I had 3 repeats, and one of those is my current BF of 1.5 years.

    Best wishes to all the fabulous singles posting here! May 2014 be your best year yet!!
  • I don't even know where to start. I am very social and I am always out doing something. I smile, make eye contact. I don't know what else to do or say. Maybe I'll try to be more aggressive.
  • becs3578
    becs3578 Posts: 836 Member
    I had a really lovely relationship for the last 4 months from a man I met on Match.com. However I just don't think he is my forever person. So I am ending it. However I plan on turning my MATCH.COM profile back on in a little bit. I don't know if I will find someone like him again on there.. but if it happened once it is worth a time.

    The bar scene isn't for me.. and I am a small business owner so I work alot. However, atleast post 1 year at crossfit I have so much more confidence dating!!!!
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    Here's another one: on the slopes. I had a lot of guys helping me out today. I'm taken, but you ladies might enjoy that tip!
  • jac_84
    jac_84 Posts: 128 Member
    Im on the same page as a lot of you on here!!
    Im a single mom, I own a business and I do not get out, EVER lol
    it is impossible to meet people at work because they are my customers and I dont go to a gym or anything.
    Its hard! I tried the online dating but I found most of the guys on there (that I talked to) were dogs.
    Would love to meet a partner in crime!
  • AbsolutelyAnnie
    AbsolutelyAnnie Posts: 2,691 Member
    I have recently tried on-line dating. After studying what women are looking for I decided to open my profile with:


    "I am not athletic and toned, I do not make $100,000+ , and I live 3 hours from the beach so I normally don't take long walks there.
    If you are still reading this......."


    Surely none of these women are so shallow that they are only looking for a rich hunk, so all I can think of is that it must be the distance from the beach that's keeping them away in droves. .:ohwell:

    You forgot to include that you have a good sense of humor. :-)
  • tommyscarpenter
    tommyscarpenter Posts: 14 Member
    Im right here. LOL.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,459 Member
    If one is not willing to do themselves those things they expect others to do for them then chances are meeting anyone is going to be difficult.
  • amwbox
    amwbox Posts: 577 Member
    Couple of questions for women's perspectives on the dating thing:

    1. When you say you can't meet men...does this mean that you literally can't meet men, or is it just that the men you meet don't do it for you? I think that's a key distinction. Lots of men out there, but they may not be rich or anything resembling a Disney prince. What percentage of men out there are actually potential partners, in terms of your income or appearance requirements, for example?

    2. As to online dating...most women indicate they've had extremely bad experiences with it. Is this because of the creeps, or because of any lack of responses? My understanding is that women on dating sites reliably get a lot of messages, and can therefor be extremely selective. Are even those who make the cut really so unsatisfactory as to poison women against the whole online dating thing?

    As far as I can tell, the online dating pool is pretty much just a random sampling of the same dating pool you'd find anywhere else.

    Oh, also: How proactive are you about actually showing an interest in men as opposed to waiting for them to approach you? It seems a common trope that a woman will wait quite a long time for a man to make the first move. Does this apply to you?
  • Desifreckle
    Desifreckle Posts: 110 Member
    I did online dating too. I didn't have any terrible experiences. I met some interesting people, most of which just didn't really work because our interests or personalities were different. However, i did get into two relationships via online dating and neither one really worked out well so I'm a little hesitant to go through it again. Meeting people at bars just isn't my thing, and I always wonder how do so many of my friends just meet guys while shopping or at work or whatever? LOL I'm shy and don't normally go up to people, so maybe thats it. A lot of people meet through mutual friends, so maybe you should start asking your friends to set you up? I might try that one! lol
  • foryoublue
    foryoublue Posts: 24
    Online dating can be difficult, and hit or miss as far as "quality" dates. I think rather participating in activities that garner your interest is a way to just meet people in general, and bonus you already have one important shared interest. Groupon is a great way to do this for cheaper, especially if you are in or near a bigger city. Meetup.com is another way to do this, even cheaper because it's free, and there are many groups for many interests. Even singles!
  • Joannah700
    Joannah700 Posts: 2,665 Member
    I have recently tried on-line dating. After studying what women are looking for I decided to open my profile with:


    "I am not athletic and toned, I do not make $100,000+ , and I live 3 hours from the beach so I normally don't take long walks there.
    If you are still reading this......."


    Surely none of these women are so shallow that they are only looking for a rich hunk, so all I can think of is that it must be the distance from the beach that's keeping them away in droves. .:ohwell:

    Saw this and had to laugh my ex has all 3 of those criteria, but he actually lives less than 3 miles from the beach. Though when we first met, he he was a broke skinny student. Have no fear. That is not the only criteria women use nor is it the most important.
  • MariahRea
    MariahRea Posts: 24 Member
    my problem is i don't go anywhere to meet men, i am out of the club scene, i live in a super small town full of drug addicts and drunks because i guess there is not much else to do here than get messed up so the dating pool here is not too desirable. i have tried online dating and i definately go after the guys i like, have had a few good experiences and a few bad. mostly the guys just want to talk dirty and send dirty pics and have you send them back. rarely you will find a nice one who wants to get to know someone first, although it has happened.

    i won't quit trying though and good luck to all of you out there.
  • mrhonesty
    mrhonesty Posts: 274 Member
    I'm not sure if I am a crazy magnet or I turn them crazy. The jury is still out on that one! The doctor says I have to go back in my cage now! :laugh: