Several of you have asked why I haven’t been posting and asked if I am OK. Thank you for your concerns, I appreciate the good thoughts and support.

In 2009, I had a total right knee replacement. In Oct of 2012, I had two operations to remove two invasive malignant melanomas from the bottom of my right foot. In October of 2013, I had two more operations on my right foot to remove another malignant melanoma. Because of all this, I have favored my right leg and put abnormal pressure on my left leg. Now I have stabbing pain in my left groin every step I take. In discussing this with my doctor, he thinks it is a hip joint problem. I have to see an orthopedist. I’m not looking forward to another replacement operation.

I have had Atrial Fibrillation since 2011 but it had been controlled by medication. In Aug of 2012, I went into persistent Afib for about two years. During this time, my left atria enlarged from working overtime, and the output of blood dropped to 32%. I couldn’t get enough blood to my lungs which resulted in me being unable to walk more than a few steps without having to rest. I went on anti-arrhythmia drugs and drugs to slow my heart down (from 172 beats per minute). I had four cardioversions to get my heart back into normal rhythm but the first three didn’t take for more than a few hours so the drugs were increased until the last cardioversion. That one worked and I have been in normal rhythm for almost seven months. After four months, my heart output had climbed to 48%. Some of the drugs that I was taking are real nasty and can have some very bad side effects. The results of my last lab tests showed that I may have liver damage because of these drugs. I have been taken off some of the worst drugs and will have to follow up with more liver enzyme tests.

I started off this year with the major Afib and cancer problems behind me, was losing weight and exercising, but these recent problems really got me depressed, so I went back to eating my normal unhealthy self and gained 8 pounds.

So I was a crybaby for a few weeks, but yesterday I started back on the health wagon.

This is why I haven’t been posting. I did, however, log everything even when I was eating crap, so at least logging is ingrained in me.

Chuck

Maelyn, I understands why you would be frustrated in yourself for not having confidence in someone else but you need to remember that you cannot choose her right time, I hope she finds it but she the confidence in herself too! It sounds harsh but you have a lot on your own plate! Maybe your own success can help your friend! It's awesome that you want to help out though sounds like you care very much for the people in your life!

Chuck: thanks for sharing March beat a lot of us up! By coming back after you were done you proved to yourself I'm sure that some things have changed! I can empathize with the ongoing health issues and how they can be so frustrating, it sounds like it's more important than ever for you to take control of your body!

Paula: stressful time! Crying is good for you, and venting!!!

Sometimes I think I care too much, meaning I get too involved in trying to help them. It is one reason I am open to the idea of moving to Columbia, MO. It would put a physical distance between memories I'm not ready to deal with yet and those that I feel the most need to help out with. It's a way of forcing myself to take a break from things. Of course, it doesn't mean my patterns will really change when/if I get there..so, I don't know. But I still feel the move would be good for me to get away from things here for awhile at least. I do worry though about what will happen if I'm not here, which makes me feel arrogant actually. As it implies I think the people in my life can't get along without me, when I'm pretty sure they really can.

Sometimes people need tough love. Support of their bad habits simply reinforces their current habits instead of helping them change. It is so hard to hurt someone in order to help them. But that's what it feels like.

Sometimes we need to help ourselves before we can help others. You sound like you have a big heart, and need some help to steel yourself to what needs to be done. If you google "codependency support groups" I think you will find lots of helpful ideas to create barriers. Then maybe you wouldn't need to create a physical barrier by actually moving away.

Whatever you do, best wishes!
Paula

Etherlily, it's great that you care. But I have a feeling you're one of the fix it people. That's NOT a bad thing. When something isn't to your liking you want to change to fix it and that's a STRONG way to be. Some people aren't... they're not happy about the situation but it is more comfortable to stay the same than it is to fix it. So they talk about change but until something happens to make it worse... nothing will change. The only way to be a friend to someone like this is to listen, because they will only make a change on their terms and in their time. That's why we're encouraged to be doing this for ourselves and not for other reasons. Because in the end we are the only ones who can MAKE US STAY ACCOUNTABLE for our own actions and decisions. I can tell you're probably a sweetheart though. :flowerforyou:

Paula, I'm glad your MIL is doing ok. That sound very scary.

Smiling and nodding when your pissed off is always hard but the more you smile and laugh the better you will feel usually! Hope whatever cools down and doesn't keep you down

Crystallee, this is a test, and you can meet the challenge....you really can. I'm also an emotional eater and it's helped me to realize that when I get emotional and turn to food that is actually self-destructive behavior. And in the end, I feel even worse about myself and my behavior and the roller coaster starts all over again.

Also, I'm not saying this is what's happening in your case, but in my own experience I've found that sometimes people really want to be supportive, but when the end result is not instantaneous, they lose focus and get tired of all the changes. I think it's worse if the people we are expecting to support us need to make some changes of their own.

Also, sometimes when we have some success, it causes those close to us to become scared. I'm not sure what to suggest other than having a talk with your husband when you and he are not angry and ask for his help. Reassure him that you are doing what is best for all of you. But no matter what, don't let other people be the reason you give up on yourself.

My only two cents is... if you can make some just you 2 time. Get out and do something with just your hubby. Which I know can be hard. Just hang together... our focus on weightloss can be a bit tunnel vision. He might just need a break from hearing about it and time to see that you are still the same woman. My hubby is a much happier helper when he feels connected.

Thanks for the advice. I talked with husband about my frustrations and he brought up his. He struggles with his weight and has degenerative disc disease in his low back. He had a procedure last week that should help. Leading up to this procedure he was worried and was taking it out on the family. Had we both talked about what's going on with ourselves it may not have gotten as bad as it did.

I don't know really where to say this other than here. It's a touch of frustration with concern and fear mixed in.

I have a friend of mine, that I've mentioned on this thread before, that is always looking for the shortest route to achieve her goals. She seems solely focused now on the idea of losing that 20 lbs she's convinced she needs to lose. She mentioned to me about a week ago she had lost 5 lbs. I applauded her for those results without asking the how she got there. I didn't think about it as so many never thought to ask me either in my darker days. She broke down and binged on some chocolate covered something and the weight jumped back overnight. I reassured her that it was not a marker of permanent gain as tissue does not usually move that fast but water can. Today she mentioned she had lost her 5 lbs again and was happy. I told her that was great. She told me how and I was floored. She's doing a version of Alice. This makes me worried as this is how it started with me; I know she's not me, but it sends up those red flags.

I ended up getting so focused on the scale that I abandoned everything else, nothing mattered but that scale. I would go days without eating, then eat very few calories, making it look like I had eaten when I really hadn't. I looked up all the pro-Ana stuff I could find. I had a Thinspiration folder on my computer filled with recipes for salads that had just about 100 calories a piece but due to lettuce content looked rather large helping to fool people into thinking I was eating more than I really was. When the scale stopped moving I'd have panic attacks and eat something; then, I'd panic more at the mere idea of the scale going up I'd have to purge somehow, sometimes I vomited, sometimes I used laxatives, other times I would exercise through the night. My years of having an eating disorder with the behaviors of anorexia, as I didn't often binge so bulimia was out, I could have been far worse than I am right now. My bones don't show that they are much worse for wear at this point, but we'll see when I get older. I never tore a hole in my stomach or developed ulcers in my throat, there was some tooth damage resulting in rounds of infections now. My kidneys could have shut down. At one point my sodium and potassium content was so low that when I was in the hospital hooked up to a heart monitor due to a respiratory illness I scared the nursing staff with sudden movements as it would make my heart stop for few seconds. Writing about this is hard as there is so much pain associated with those times, that were barely past 8 months ago for me.

My fears: She will head down this path. And I know it is irrational, and has no logical basis whatsoever, but I fear I am part of her decision to take this road.

I don't know what to do. I clued her into some the physical consequences of doing such an extreme diet, but as I remember when I was in that mindset, I knew it, the scale was just greater than any logic that I could find. What do I do? Do I try to talk to her some more? Do I let it go in the hopes she'll stop it without interference? Maybe, I'm seeing zebras when there are only donkeys here.

It sounds like you care a lot about your friend, and it's good that you're expressing your concerns here. While it's wonderful that you want to be a supportive friend, you can't really do much to change her behavior; she has to want to do that. Also, if people are determined to make poor choices, then they will find a way to make them; the fact that you had a problem didn't cause her eating disorder. It is hard when you want to fix things for people you love and can't. Just letting her know that you want her to be healthy and happy, and are there for her if she needs you is pretty much the best you can do. Also, for whatever it's worth, I hope you also have people you can talk with offline to help you keep on track with all the progress you're making. It's so easy for us helpers/fixers to become absorbed in others and let our own issues get out of whack. Finally, I saw your earlier post about meals on a fixed budget; have you tried your local food bank/pantry or CSA? You can focus more of your food budget on protein if you're able to get staples, dry goods, and some veggies from the food bank, no questions asked. I've volunteered there and been a recipient a few times when money was tight, and you will not only get a bag of groceries but also some more information about other sources of food support. I hope your friend will eventually see the light and find her way to a better path, and that you continue to do well and take care of you